Welcome to "Refreshing Continuity" or SVC #2, "Lies and Omissions." Everyone's lying in this book, ya'll.
Guys and dolls, it has been quite a Sweet Valley-filled day! I would say that my head is spinning, but I predicted a return to form for all of the characters. I was not disappointed, since the ghostwriter(s) is/are back! I don't think I've ever been so excited to say those words. No more "like, totally, omg" this or that. Thank heavens someone told Francine to put a sock in it. Sheesh. Once again, DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED.
Some minor(ish) characters get chapters in this that didn't appear in SVC #1. Let's recap them first, shall we?
Annie Whitman's secret: She's divorced from her high school sweetheart, Charlie Markus. Okay, not really a secret, but the fact that he turned out to only like her when he thought he was the one saving her is something I'm sure she'd rather keep on the downlow. Today Annie has become a mighty fine defense lawyer. How convenient that Bruce suddenly needs a whole lot of defending. Jessica texts Annie while she's in court, and (continuity!) Annie starts reminiscing of those days when Jessica hated her so much she would do anything to keep her off the cheerleading squad... including driving her to suicide, but Annie conveniently leaves that part out of her reminiscing. She does mention that spending her formative years defending her reputation as Easy Annie has made it easier for her to defend hardened criminals (or celebrities, as the case may be) these days. She knew she was done with Charlie when she found him writing one of his novels about her and calling her those awful names from her high school days. Peace out, Markus. Whitman's now making bank! She is also now the defender of Bruce Patman's good name.
Caroline Pearce's secret: She is still seeking revenge on Jessica & Elizabeth for being a perfect size six. Well, aren't we all? It's been shoved down our throats that not one person in Sweet Valley ISN'T jealous of those two. Caroline gives us her woe is me speech about growing up "chunky" two doors down from the Wakefield twins. Instead of cultivating a fabulous life that the twins could be jealous of, Caroline is instead wreaking havoc on Jess & Liz with her gossip. She has the perfect piece of fodder this time when she is sent a picture of Jessica leaning on Liam's shoulder, drunk, right before walking into his hotel room. Tsk tsk. Nothing is secret these days. Caroline tee-hees for a bit and then immediately posts the information and the picture on her blog. She sends the e-mail straight to Todd for good measure.
Steven Wakefield's secret: Well, he's still a homosexual, and it doesn't make any sense. Not the being a homosexual part, the STEVEN being a homosexual part. Anyway, he and Aaron Dallas recently had a baby girl, Emma, via a surrogate. There is a bit of trouble in paradise concerning child-rearing. Steven has grown up with two batshit crazy twin sisters, and he is looking to NOT raise a girl as crazy as them. This is possibly the smartest thought he has ever had. Emma is supposed to sleep in her crib in her pink palace. That's what Steven would prefer. But Aaron coddles her, and Emma spends every moment of every day in someone's arms. There is a perfect moment when Steven asks Aaron if he wants Emma to grow up to be a sociopath. Before I even read the next line, my immediate thought was: just like Jessica! And, lo and behold, that was the next sentence!! Steven recalls that Jessica was rarely ever in her crib and was constantly coddled. Emma cries and cries if she is left alone. Steven, being the smart guy that he is, sees that they are raising another Jessica Wakefield. He's also tired of not getting any sleep because Emma is always in their bed. He doesn't want to roll over on the baby and cause SIDS. So far, he seems to have more concern for his child than Jessica. Anyway, we don't hear much from Aaron's point of view. They both have to concede that the baby is the one who is in charge. Bad news, fellas.
Now on to the biggies! ...
Lila Fowler's secret: She's pregnant... but not really. But, hey, don't tell that to Ken or her fellow Housewives! Now that Ken got a backbone and really left her in the last book, Lila sees that she respects him and loves him. Or, in Lila's case, something bordering on love. We open the book with her trying to come up with a plan with Jessica to win their husbands back. They talk around each other, as usual, which is a shame, because if they had actually talked TO each other they might have arrived at better conclusions. Though who am I kidding? For these two, truth is never an option. Lila first decides that she will visit Ken the next day and show off her, um, assets, because he can never resist those. She goes full out and parades through the locker room knowing that he will never, ever reject her. Except that he's had it with these crazy Sweet Valley chicks and their self-absorbed shenanigans, so he bails the moment she comes into view. Lila is momentarily distracted by a camera, but she ultimately chases after Ken. She follows him to the parking lot where she sees him at his car... with Ashley Morgan, she of the size 12 figure from SVC #1. Lila pushes her out of the way and tries to woo Ken with her assets, but he's not really interested in boobies right now. Not understanding how she could have just tried and failed to bring sexy back, Lila changes tactics. She tells Ken that she doesn't want them to be over. He actually gives a pretty balls to the wall speech that ends with "I'm done with you." That sounds pretty final. It would be, were we not dealing with Lila Fowler. As soon as he drives away, she spots a pregnant woman waddling to her car. Bingo! Plan B. She gathers the Housewife ladies for the camera the next day to let the bomb drop: she's losing Ken to Ashley. And she's pregnant. It should be noted that earlier in the e-serial Lila said that she didn't want kids now or ever. Ha!
Jessica Wakefield's secret: She slept with Liam O'Connor and, as I predicted, has no intentions of telling Todd. Todd is an old-fashioned asshole who believes that a woman shouldn't work for a living. He and Jessica have been separated due to Jessica's choice of work over family. Jessica knows she only has one hope of getting Todd back: quitting her job. She does quit, and then rewards herself for quitting by not telling Todd what happened with Liam. From strong, hard-working wife and mother to lazy Jess with no conscience all in several weeks! Jessica Wakefield, welcome back! We've missed you so much. Jessica's decision makes me very angry for very obvious reasons. Todd condoning it makes me even angrier. Liz thinks about talking her out of it, but realizes that she can't step in due to her past involvement with Todd. I think she's right and unfortunately it makes her unable to help in a lot of situations. However, I think we're all relieved to get a break from meddling Liz. Jess & Todd plan a dinner date where she will tell him that she is focusing on her family from now on. It's the restaurant at which he proposed. They have a wonderful meal, and Todd is sickeningly ecstatic that he has finally tamed the beast that is his wife. However, as soon as Jessica runs to the bathroom, the e-mail from Caroline pops up on Todd's phone. AngryPunchTodd immediately comes to life, and he remembers that instead of marrying the Good Wife, he actually married a sociopathic cunt who drives people to suicide and omits matters of great importance in order to get her way. Understandably furious (though he's still a douche!), Todd storms out of the restaurant. Jessica comes back and is rather confused at his abrupt disappearance... until she sees Caroline's blog. Ruh roh.
Elizabeth Wakefield's secret: She's a liar to everyone. She has found the intern that accused Bruce of rape, but she hasn't told him. She has moved the intern, Robin Platt, out of her home and into a home under her (Elizabeth's) name. She's lying to Robin about who she is as well, telling her that she's a therapist named Laura Christer. Liz is still plagued by the mounting evidence against Bruce. And, continuity time!, she FINALLY remembers about the motorcycle accident in high school (Dear Sister, #7), after which she was in a temporary Jess-like coma that had her flirting with Bruce who then tried to rape her. Bruce recalls it in his flashbacks too. They all ask themselves if they were just stupid teenagers. Well, Liz asks herself that. Bruce tells himself he WAS just a stupid teenager. No, you were an attempted rapist. You still are. And now you're being accused of it again. Karma's a bitch, and you should have paid more attention to Justin Timberlake. What goes around comes around! Liz continues to snoop around for more information on Robin and/or Bruce and what happened that night at the Charm Club. She goes to a previous employer of Robin's, and he corroborates Robin's story so far. That night Liz refuses Bruce's pleas to come home because he really needs her. Awww. I totally know what that's like... that's the only reason I'm on Bruce's side right now. That, and I want to believe he's changed, though he won't acknowledge he was ever a rapist in the first place. Meanwhile, Bruce is sick of waiting for Liz to find the intern. He hires a private investigator who tells Bruce to meet him at a bar because he has big information. He tells Bruce that the girl's name is Robin and shows him a picture of her house with her address. Now it's time for the old Bruce to come back and join the old/new Lila, o/n Jess, and o/n Liz. He is heavy with alcohol and decides that right now would be a perfect time to confront Robin and ask her why she is ruining his life. He goes up to the house and, I kid you not, starts banging on the windows and yelling at her through the door. He cracks a window in his quest to intimidate her (because that worked out real well for you before, buddy). Even though Liz is across town with Robin Platt in her new location, imagine my surprise when there really IS a blonde-haired Robin Platt at this location who comes to the door and watches Bruce get arrested by the cops. He can't understand why they aren't arresting HER. Must be the alcohol. What a cliffhanger! Forget what the arrest means for Liz and Bruce - I'm way more interested in who the REAL Robin Platt is.
Maybe she's not Robin Platt at all. Maybe she's Margo or Nora Black in a new disguise?
Fingers crossed, ya'll, until next week!!