Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

by Mark Goulston, John Ullmen

Authentic influence is about more than creating a strong initial connection--it’s about sustaining professional relationships long after an agreement has been reached. Based on their commitment to listening, genuine engagement, and the pursuit of win-win outcomes, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen share a new method that business leaders can use to examine priorities, learn about the needs of key players, earn others’ attention, motivate others to hear more, and add value with question and actions. When others sense they are being pushed--their guard goes up. In business interactions, even if the person you are pitching to does comply with your requests, lingering resentment may undermine the relationship forever. So why do most books on influence still portray it as something you do to someone else to get your way? That out-of-date approach invites resistance and cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. They simply won't work in our sophisticated, post-selling world. Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world “power influencers,” Real Influence is a one-of-a-kind guide that showcases how being straight with everyone means winning for all. www.getrealinfluence.com

Genres: Business, Psychology, Leadership, Nonfiction, Communication, Self Help, Personal Development

256 pages, Hardcover

First published December 24, 2012

About the author

MARK GOULSTON, M.D., is a business psychiatrist and consultant, author of the bestselling Just Listen, and subject of the PBS special “Just Listen with Dr. Goulston.” He writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media including The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News.

Reviews

[Amora · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who’s starting a nonprofit, the methods explained here have been a catalyst to our success. In order for these methods to work you need to use them out of sincerity rather than for self-gain. I can’t say this was anywhere near as good as the author’s first book but it’s still quite good. As always, the conversation examples of what and what not to say are kept in handy. I have another book by the author that I’m hoping to finish soon.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm usually not a fan of these types of books, but I began reading based on a recommendation. I was surprised by how practical it was. Well-written and full of insight. I was seeing myself in the examples of "getting it wrong." For example, when it comes to listening, this Mark Twain quote summed me up: Most conversations are monologues in the presence of witnesses. The author pointed out some of my blind spots and challenged me to appreciate people in ways that are new to me, starting with listening. I recommend it to anyone who interacts with people. It's a quick read and it's bound to have something for the curious seeker of relational insight.

[TarasProkopyuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Книга "Искусство влияния. Убеждение без манипуляций" мне понравилась.

Единственный минус книги это её название, поскольку авторы часто намного шире выходили за его рамки. То есть книга получилась ещё богаче, хотя уже не совсем соответствовала своему названию. Подозреваю, что своё дело сделал коммерческий интерес и ставка на всё то же название. Хотя для меня лично основным критерием при выборе книге являлось авторство Марка Гоулстона.

Уверен что прочитав книгу вы должны остаться весьма довольны, а может даже ваше впечатления ею будут ещё больше нежели вы ожидали.

[Parul · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was simultaneously reading this with 48 Laws of power so YOU could see the contrarian views, I didn't expect it to be this good but it was SO GOOD. I loved it so much!!

[Andy]

DNF. Lots of typical business book blather about how you will succeed if you distinguish yourself with extraordinary gumption and usefulness. Supported by anecdotes. Doesn't correspond to reality of a culture of corruption and incompetence Detroit: An American Autopsy.

[Robin Jose · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book.

Unlike the many books on Influence that I have read before, this book does not take the approach of “gaming” influence or building a good first impression. It instead takes the approach of genuinely understanding who others are and what they want, and then gaining influence by delivering it.

There’s a lot of emphasis on listening and understanding the other person. There’s a lot of humility and maturity in the approach.

"To influence, be influenceable... it isn't about giving in... What being influenceable mean is that you go into every conversation willing to believe that you may be partially or totally wrong; that the other person may be partially or completely right; and that even if the other person isn't right, you will learn something valuable from your interaction... If you aren't seen as influenceable when different points of view arise, you lose credibility and connection". I found this to be more authentic that the very transactional approaches taken by other books.

One of the best books on influence, and I highly recommend everyone to read it.

[Jonathan · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Don't be manipulative or deceitful"...Really? This is the groundbreaking lesson?

[Brigita Ercė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dar viena gera, populiariosios psichogijos knyga perskaityta! ✔️ Turbūt visi esate susidūrę arba bent jau iš savo draugų girdėję istorijų apie “blogą” vadovą. Tai tas vadovas, kuris viską geriau ir puikiau nusimano ir viską nori pasiekti per griežtą valdžią, žmonių koordinavimą kiekviename žingsnyje ir t.t. Šioje knygoje rašoma apie jungiamosios ir skiriamosios įtakos skirtumus. Jungiamoji įtaka (ši geroji) yra naudojama per situacijos supratimą ne iš “savo čia”, bet per “jų ten” poziciją. Tai supratimas ir įsijautimas į kitus žmones ir jų poziciją, supratimas kas jiems svarbu ir naudinga, ką galima padaryti dėl jų. Kad viskas gali būti pasiekiama per gerumą, o ne per lipimą per kitų galvas. Labai geri pavyzdžiai, kaip įmonės vadovas norėdamas suprasti, kur klysta vadovaudamas įmonei apklausė kiekvieną darbuotoją ir atitinkamai ėmėsi veiksmų. Kai įmonės vadovas pasikvietęs vieną geriausių darbuotojų atvirai klausė ką nori dirbti, kas tave “veža” ir suteikė galimybę tai įgyvendinti toje pačioje įmonėje, nes žinojo, kad toks sprendimas turis keletą kartų didesnę naudą! Tikrai rekomenduoju paskaityti šią knygą, kaip galima viską pasiekti per pagalbą, bendravimą, klausymąsi, norą suprasti ir žiūrėjimą plačiau, žiūrėjimą į tolimesnę ateitį! 💥

[Viktorija · Rating 2 out of 5]

"<....> Jei norite padidinti savo itaką, išreikškite dekingumą visiems, kam tik galite. Pasistenkite padėkoti žmonėms kurie jums padėjo, kitiems irgi priminkite jų gerus darbus. Įpraskite kiekvieną dieną mintyse kam nors padėkoti. Neeikvokite energijos pykdami ant jums pakenkusių žmonių, bet būkite dėkingi tiems, kurie jus palaikė. O jei įstrigsite užburtame neigiamo mąstymo rate, iš visų jėgų stenkitės iš jo išsiveržti ir pradėti naują dėkingumo ratą."

[Lizzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I did not expect I would find the book useful when this book was suggested by a business class I took.

Very well written and persuasive. I specially liked the part about the four stages of listening, listen to avoid, to fight, to give advice and to understand. I consciously using the listening skills on daily basis.

[Gintaute Riabovaite · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sunku vertinti knygą, kurios skaityti nenorėjau. Per klaidą užsisakiau bibliotekoje, o kitą dieną išvykus į kelionę neturėjau daugiau ką skaityti. Tema man neaktuali, bet ir be to tokia stabdartinė amerikietiška saviugdos knygų struktūra. Pateikti pavyzdžiai ir istorijos nuobodžiai per ilgos kol prieinama prie esmės. Patiko kelios idėjos, tai joms ir daviau dvi žvaigždutes.

[Mishari AlGhamdi · Rating 3 out of 5]

A light read. Clear concepts supported by a lot of stories.

[Stina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice. Powerful nuggets that will definitely empower me and future behavior. Love Mark Goulston and his real and empathetic, kind approach.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found it very engaging.

[Billy Meaders · Rating 4 out of 5]

An outstanding book about building relationships. I found it very helpful both professionally and personally.

[Viktorija Dud · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book for people who want to understand and learn to listen to each other. How to aim for a bigger goal in your life.

[Kristina Čepaitytė · Rating 2 out of 5]

Per mažai naudingos infomacijos ir per daug pavyzdžių. Ištempta

[Kaprice · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a decent books. The amount of examples and stories drowned out some of the points made. I recommend if you learn better this way.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really helpful in getting you to change your perspective on dealing with others. It not only gives you the underlying basis for what is recommended, it provides you examples, and then gives you concrete steps you can take.
The concept of "Their there" seems simple, but it has many aspects and nuances. This does a great job of helping you to understand them. It leads off with a great example, that shows how flawed your approach can be. If you take what this book is espousing to heart and work at it, you will vastly improve your interaction with others - it will also make things easier on you.
This is the kind of book you should read again - periodically. I know that I plan to do so.
To offer a critique/helpful suggestion - I would like to see more examples of push-back (both internally and externally) to what we should be doing. This would help the readers to better overcome real-world obstacles that they would be likely to encounter.
Note - I listened to the audio version of this book. It was very well-read. My only caveat is that you might want to listen when you can take notes, as they could be very helpful.

[Hong · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book through Goodreads First Reads.

Recently, I had a job in retail where of course I had a title of a glorified sales person. I have to admit I learned a lot of the sales technique that is being handled and preferred it over the old-fashion selling technique.

When I was reading this book, I felt as I understood where the authors are going with it. Relationships are more important than selling, doing what you really want to do is more important than being stuck in doing something you don't want to do, and give because you want to give and not because you are in it for something. I find it to be refreshing in learning there are better ways of doing business with someone, or interacting with people. I had to admit I paused quite a few times while reading each chapter to think if I have done something similar and promising myself that I need to think differently next time. It is food for thought, and I will probably leaf through the book again for ideas on what I can do in the future.

[Alix · Rating 4 out of 5]

I initially planned to give this a 3 star review as I felt the advice was good, but not earth shattering. However, there are several features that I think earn it another star. The first is that they use a ton of examples of their points, and that for those examples they do not pull on well known and this overused icons. Instead they use people you've probably never heard, but who are exemplary. I appreciate that because I'm sick of hearing about the greatness of Jobs, Gates, and Branson. The second is that, while the advice is not easy shattering, it is incredibly valuable. The authors remind us that influence is most powerful if your a great person. That great people have influence because they are great. This book is about the long game - lifelong influence that pays off for years target than just how to sell someone in an elevator pitch. Overall I think it's not just a great self help book for influence, but also for character.

[Charleta Mckoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really recommend this book for those that have to Influence without Authority. It doesn't give you the usual tips and tricks (literally) to get people on your side. It contrasts short-term gains from influence versus long-term gains. How many of the tips and tricks that we've been taught to influence others get us short-term success but may destroy relationships for future collaboration. While it may seem that the methods in this book are time consuming to implement, the focus is building relationships and trust in order to exhibit influence (notice I didn't say exert). A great read.

[Kelli Lynn Dwyer]

I just wanted to quickly say thank you for doing this giveaway and that I'm very happy I one. As soon as I read and receive the book I will be sure to right a review for you. Thanks again!

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most of this is common sense, but it is a good read for people who are new to leadership or have been leaders for too long and need to be reminded how best to engage and motivate people.

[Rick Yvanovich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good new perspective to look at things, some great examples to help hammer home the messages. Lots of stories that I find are going to be really useful to help pass on the books message to others.

[Joe Sanchez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent view of influence from understanding the other perspective

[Penny Haight · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to read it again!!

[Sonia · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was okay, but I couldn't finish it - a little too long I think.

[Autumn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the stories to be inspirational and there were several good points.

[Karol Piasecki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goulston's 'Just Listen" was way better - it was like a manual for specific situations. This book is more for inspiration. "Be better for people" and a little bit like karma stuff.