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The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for His Lost Father
The author chronicles his compelling search for his own father by hiring a detective and reveals his own life as he follows the hardbitten investigator from one deadend to the next search for the longmissing man. 20,000 first printing.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published March 20, 2000
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127 people want to read
About the author
Mark Matousek
30 books88 followersMark is a bestselling author, teacher, and speaker whose work focuses on personal awakening and creative excellence through self-inquiry and life writing. He brings three decades of experience as a memoirist, editor, interviewer, survivor, activist, and spiritual seeker to his penetrating and thought provoking work with students. His workshops, classes, and mentoring have inspired thousands of people around the world to reach their artistic and personal goals.
He is currently working on a book about friendships and relationships that is set to be released in June 2013. Stay tuned!
He is currently working on a book about friendships and relationships that is set to be released in June 2013. Stay tuned!
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
March 25, 2011
How do you find forgiveness for a father who tries to kidnap you, then disappears from your life forever? What happens when your mother's life descends into a blurry struggle to fill her own emptiness? In this book, Mark Matousek answers these questions as he guides us into the dark heart of childhood wounding, and back out into the light of compassion. Though his initial search, a literal search that includes a detective, is to find his missing father, in the book we are drawn into wanting to understand his mother, the forces that moved her toward situations that deeply scarred her and her children. By the end, we and of course the author understand the forces that shaped her, and can feel the depths of her own pain, and we discover her humanity and love. I won't tell the outcome of the father search.
Mark has written several books that explore spirituality and the journey into the darkness, out of which comes transformation. This book shows his personal path in all its messiness, anger, love, and ultimate forgiveness. I loved it.
Mark has written several books that explore spirituality and the journey into the darkness, out of which comes transformation. This book shows his personal path in all its messiness, anger, love, and ultimate forgiveness. I loved it.
September 27, 2015
4.5 stars.
As far as memoirs go, this is an example of the genre's potential. It's a gem. The writing is incredibly thoughtful, precise, self aware, the story moves at a fast pace, and best of all, it's as believable as they get. The only problem is that the premise doesn't have enough suspense built into it. The book is a boy's search for his father with a lot of original Jewish/gay story woven into it, a lot of colorful characters and drama, but not much is at stake when a thirty something man, already very grown up as his own fascinating variety of a man, goes for a hunt for his father. I didn't sit at the edge of my seat and hope that the search works out well. Still, been a while since I stumbled onto a book at the library and enjoyed it this much.
As far as memoirs go, this is an example of the genre's potential. It's a gem. The writing is incredibly thoughtful, precise, self aware, the story moves at a fast pace, and best of all, it's as believable as they get. The only problem is that the premise doesn't have enough suspense built into it. The book is a boy's search for his father with a lot of original Jewish/gay story woven into it, a lot of colorful characters and drama, but not much is at stake when a thirty something man, already very grown up as his own fascinating variety of a man, goes for a hunt for his father. I didn't sit at the edge of my seat and hope that the search works out well. Still, been a while since I stumbled onto a book at the library and enjoyed it this much.
November 22, 2022
This memoir was published in 2000, but does not feel dated. The author seeks to find his father who he last saw at the age of four in a final dramatic scene. In hesitantly seeking to find his father through a private detective, he tells the story of his youth, his disruptive home, a house full of women and his search for a father figure. The book reads quickly and the story is told in less words than more. I see his home and neighborhood in my mind and he keeps the reader by his side as he explains contemporary events with his mothers illness and his sisters' chorus. A great read that shares the author's interior despite his hesitancy in sharing the same.
March 29, 2020
Excellent probing book; ending was realistic albeit disappointing.
May 3, 2011
This book kind of found me. I was in non-fiction in the library looking up a totally different subject, when I noticed this title. I picked it up on an impulse, read the back, put it down as something I probably wouldn’t like (too Oprah’s book club depressing), but then came back to it later on a second impulse and checked it out.
I was still wary – and rightly so. The book is a memoir of a thirty-something man’s search for the father that first kidnapped him and then abandoned him as a small child. It is also the story of the man’s life, his mother’s life, his sisters’ lives, and other related family members (all the people around his father, since he didn’t know his father). Not a one of them had a life of grace and ease. In fact, quite the opposite. The book is full of stories of abuse, neglect, suicide, promiscuity, dead-babies, AIDS, homelessness, hurt, and unfulfilled inner need
Their lives were hugely painful. So much so that I was often uncomfortable with what was going on. However, at the same time, I loved these really screwed up people. Everything about them was so very, very sad but real, that I couldn’t help but feel empathy and want better for them. The Mother in me wanted to take these children in my arms and hug them like they’d never been hugged before.
The author did a gorgeous job of showing the despair while at the same time giving the promise of overcoming the despair. His words were elegant, emotional, and choice. He’s just a REALLY good writer.
I think what really made me so positive toward the story was an incident in the beginning that put the entire book in perspective. The author spent something like 10 years wandering the world searching for something (a Father?) in western and eastern religions. He tries to explain this to his gay partner as searching for Enlightenment. “I’m talking about Enlightenment with a capitol E.” The partner just doesn’t get it though and finally says something that completely stumps and silences the author. “Do you mean kindness?”
That to me was the center of this book. A family of people and relationships that stuck together through some really horrible things but never figured out how to give or receive kindness. Such a small lesson, such a huge difference to what happens without it.
I won’t have picked this if it hadn’t found me. But I’m glad I read it because it gave me a lot to think about and be grateful for.
I was still wary – and rightly so. The book is a memoir of a thirty-something man’s search for the father that first kidnapped him and then abandoned him as a small child. It is also the story of the man’s life, his mother’s life, his sisters’ lives, and other related family members (all the people around his father, since he didn’t know his father). Not a one of them had a life of grace and ease. In fact, quite the opposite. The book is full of stories of abuse, neglect, suicide, promiscuity, dead-babies, AIDS, homelessness, hurt, and unfulfilled inner need
Their lives were hugely painful. So much so that I was often uncomfortable with what was going on. However, at the same time, I loved these really screwed up people. Everything about them was so very, very sad but real, that I couldn’t help but feel empathy and want better for them. The Mother in me wanted to take these children in my arms and hug them like they’d never been hugged before.
The author did a gorgeous job of showing the despair while at the same time giving the promise of overcoming the despair. His words were elegant, emotional, and choice. He’s just a REALLY good writer.
I think what really made me so positive toward the story was an incident in the beginning that put the entire book in perspective. The author spent something like 10 years wandering the world searching for something (a Father?) in western and eastern religions. He tries to explain this to his gay partner as searching for Enlightenment. “I’m talking about Enlightenment with a capitol E.” The partner just doesn’t get it though and finally says something that completely stumps and silences the author. “Do you mean kindness?”
That to me was the center of this book. A family of people and relationships that stuck together through some really horrible things but never figured out how to give or receive kindness. Such a small lesson, such a huge difference to what happens without it.
I won’t have picked this if it hadn’t found me. But I’m glad I read it because it gave me a lot to think about and be grateful for.
March 21, 2014
This was an interesting well written book, and ultimately it was powerful, moving, and not only sad, but uplifting as well. Mark grew up in a very dysfunctional family, his father leaving the family but trying to kidnap him, but then disappearing from his life, never to return. Mark begins a futile search for his father, and although his life seems to travel from bad to worse, he maintains a connection with his birth family........his mother, his grandfather, his sisters. Through drug hazed days, abuse, precarious living situations and relationships, he ultimately does triumph.......and even manages to recreate a relationship with his mother in her dying days. A good read, a little graphic in parts, and a bit disconcerting.
June 24, 2015
Mark Matousek writes with so much clarity and honesty, that I always end up learning a lot from his work. This
is a story of trying to figure out what it means to be a man and the struggle is elegantly written. I especially wanted to read it because I got the afterword to this story last year - 15 years post publication, when he found out something about this man he never thought he'd know.
His character portrayals are always illuminating. "In her prime time, Marie was a stripper; now she sits in the apartment beneath ours blasting game shows and chain smoking Kools, looking like a lizard in a negligee, a gash of red lipstick across her toothless mouth."
is a story of trying to figure out what it means to be a man and the struggle is elegantly written. I especially wanted to read it because I got the afterword to this story last year - 15 years post publication, when he found out something about this man he never thought he'd know.
His character portrayals are always illuminating. "In her prime time, Marie was a stripper; now she sits in the apartment beneath ours blasting game shows and chain smoking Kools, looking like a lizard in a negligee, a gash of red lipstick across her toothless mouth."
January 2, 2012
Very interesting book about a man's search for his father. There are loads of people and names in the book so it can be quite confusing at times. But it's interesting to read about someone's thoughts about finding his father. I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. He also writes a lot about his past, how it was growing up in his family, and how he feels about the different people in his family.
January 21, 2009
I don't know that I would recommend this book to just anyone, but I found it incredibly moving. It gave me insights into some life situations that (thankfully) I have not faced personally. The author is eloquent, but with a sharpened sparseness of words that I aspire to. One of my favorite lines: "Forgiveness comes as a subtle release." Isn't that extraordinary??
August 1, 2014
While Mark (likely) is not writing for all children who grow up without a parent, his story resonates with me. The details vary greatly, but Mark has a way of capturing emotion in words like few other writers. This is a powerful book. Read it.
January 28, 2013
A very quick read, well written and thought provoking. What makes us a family, what are the ties that bind us, and what happens when the ties are missing?
February 10, 2017
Enjoyed reading this book
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews