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What On Earth?: An Alien's Guide to Fixing Britain
The much-needed manifesto by the Sanest Politician in the Entire Cosmos, from capping the price of croissants at £1 to taking over Downing Street.
'Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It's only a matter of time' Independent
Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain.
It's not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged.
In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency.
I also provide an alien's-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn't the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine?
So settle down, grab a beverage, and let's make your planet Count.
'Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin' Rory Stewart
'Count Binface is out of this world' Emily Maitlis
'Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It's only a matter of time' Independent
Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain.
It's not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged.
In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency.
I also provide an alien's-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn't the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine?
So settle down, grab a beverage, and let's make your planet Count.
'Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin' Rory Stewart
'Count Binface is out of this world' Emily Maitlis
- GenresComedyNonfictionPolitics
256 pages, Paperback
Published May 11, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 12, 2023
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and am very taken with the Count's manifesto pledges - especially linking nurses' pay to that of MPs !
I loved all the parallels drawn between the dodgy alien politician activities and those of the shambles that have been running our country for far too long !
I loved all the parallels drawn between the dodgy alien politician activities and those of the shambles that have been running our country for far too long !
December 28, 2023
bit rubbish
Read
September 10, 2024As this was given to me as a gift, it runs against my policy of not giving star ratings to books given as presents. (Ironic I suppose not to give the alien any stars.) Written in 2022, seemingly at the point after Johnson had stepped down but before Truss had had her fifteen minutes, this has kind of dated as a result and is kind of what you’d expect.
Mentioned with disdain a few times here, it’s odd to see that the Monster Raving Loony Party keep running candidates against Binface (including, on one occasion, a character with his original nom de politics Lord Buckethead). For a start, surely there should be some sort of non-compete agreed so the vote isn’t split among the joke candidates - although they always compete against the incumbent prime minister in order to get their own fizzogs on the telly. Secondly, it’s to the Loonies’ detriment: they invariably trail miles behind. Thirdly, Binface is clearly more attuned to 21st century protest vote political satire than the washed-up Loonies, whose glory days were three decades ago: their most astute move would be to appoint the Count as their leader.
Mentioned with disdain a few times here, it’s odd to see that the Monster Raving Loony Party keep running candidates against Binface (including, on one occasion, a character with his original nom de politics Lord Buckethead). For a start, surely there should be some sort of non-compete agreed so the vote isn’t split among the joke candidates - although they always compete against the incumbent prime minister in order to get their own fizzogs on the telly. Secondly, it’s to the Loonies’ detriment: they invariably trail miles behind. Thirdly, Binface is clearly more attuned to 21st century protest vote political satire than the washed-up Loonies, whose glory days were three decades ago: their most astute move would be to appoint the Count as their leader.
July 29, 2023
I have finished reading “What on Earth?: An Alien’s Guide to Fixing Britain” by Count Binface AKA Jonathan Harvey.
The author Count Binface is a self-declared extra-terrestrial Space Warlord from the planet Sigma IX from the Recyclon people. He ran for Parliament in Maidenhead in 2019 against Theresa May and Uxbridge in 2019 and 2023 against Boris Johnson. He also ran in the 2021 London Mayor Election. His portrayed by the comedian Jonathan Harvey.
“The three deadliest weapons in cosmos are democracy, lasers and Ceefax”
Count Binface
It is very rare that I read a book that makes me laugh out loud, but this book succeeded in doing that on most pages. This book is mainly a load of shameless and very silly fun with a bit of politics mixed in.
In terms of design it is a combination of the most bizarre and hilarious political memoirs you will read mixed in with one of the most memorable manifestos. The start of the book introduces Count Binface as a Recyclon Space Warlord who is not afraid to speak highly of his achievements in subduing several different worlds before he chose to stand for election in this one. However, Earth and the UK in particular has put it’s mark on Count Binface. So much so that he has a love for the TV series Lovejoy and loves Phoebe Waller Bridge so much he has a manifesto pledge to rename London Bridge after her.
There is much recounting of Count Binface’s exploits in the elections he has fought. To be honest I am not sure how many, if any of the media interviews, he recounted in the book were made up, but I have to credit Count Binface on his wit and spontaneity. I can imagine him being a particularly memorable doorstep canvasser.
After introductions are over Count Binface goes a hilarious recounting of British history from his perspective. This leads into him laying out why from his perspective the UK is in the state it is in. What can I say about the manifesto? Well, there are many original ideas. I do think we should look into putting a plank from the House of Commons to dangle over the River Thames, for lying politicians to walk off. Stopping Piers Morgan’s carbon emissions also sounds like a winner. The one I found most hilarious and British was to stop The Archers for a year, just to see what would happen as a kind of social experiment.
Overall, I found this book to be a lot of fun. I sense from the tone of many of Count Binhead’s policies that he is left of centre minded. His jokes at the expense of the Lib Dems are about how irrelevant we allegedly are. He chides the Labour Party endlessly about their constant infighting and the puritanism of those on the party’s left. But there is definitely some old British nostalgia in there too. I congratulate Count Binhead on his efforts to make UK politics fun again.
The author Count Binface is a self-declared extra-terrestrial Space Warlord from the planet Sigma IX from the Recyclon people. He ran for Parliament in Maidenhead in 2019 against Theresa May and Uxbridge in 2019 and 2023 against Boris Johnson. He also ran in the 2021 London Mayor Election. His portrayed by the comedian Jonathan Harvey.
“The three deadliest weapons in cosmos are democracy, lasers and Ceefax”
Count Binface
It is very rare that I read a book that makes me laugh out loud, but this book succeeded in doing that on most pages. This book is mainly a load of shameless and very silly fun with a bit of politics mixed in.
In terms of design it is a combination of the most bizarre and hilarious political memoirs you will read mixed in with one of the most memorable manifestos. The start of the book introduces Count Binface as a Recyclon Space Warlord who is not afraid to speak highly of his achievements in subduing several different worlds before he chose to stand for election in this one. However, Earth and the UK in particular has put it’s mark on Count Binface. So much so that he has a love for the TV series Lovejoy and loves Phoebe Waller Bridge so much he has a manifesto pledge to rename London Bridge after her.
There is much recounting of Count Binface’s exploits in the elections he has fought. To be honest I am not sure how many, if any of the media interviews, he recounted in the book were made up, but I have to credit Count Binface on his wit and spontaneity. I can imagine him being a particularly memorable doorstep canvasser.
After introductions are over Count Binface goes a hilarious recounting of British history from his perspective. This leads into him laying out why from his perspective the UK is in the state it is in. What can I say about the manifesto? Well, there are many original ideas. I do think we should look into putting a plank from the House of Commons to dangle over the River Thames, for lying politicians to walk off. Stopping Piers Morgan’s carbon emissions also sounds like a winner. The one I found most hilarious and British was to stop The Archers for a year, just to see what would happen as a kind of social experiment.
Overall, I found this book to be a lot of fun. I sense from the tone of many of Count Binhead’s policies that he is left of centre minded. His jokes at the expense of the Lib Dems are about how irrelevant we allegedly are. He chides the Labour Party endlessly about their constant infighting and the puritanism of those on the party’s left. But there is definitely some old British nostalgia in there too. I congratulate Count Binhead on his efforts to make UK politics fun again.
April 14, 2023
Well, I have to say I thought I would be in and out of this book in an hour. Surely it would be a tie-in gimmick novelty gift book nobody would want to be gifted but for the alleged audacity of having a book on their shelves with this author's name behind it? Well, seeing as I didn't know this was the paperback reprint of a 2022 book, I was wrong on more than one count.
No pun intended. Definitely.
There is a heck of a lot more to this than I expected, that's for sure. The first circa 80 page chunk (and I can use the word circa as the author spoke fluent Latin with BoJo for all of four words, once) is the reporting of his political career so far, of being Lord Buckethead until he was told that was him being a very naughty copyright infringer, and then outing himself as this, his latest and allegedly true persona. All his election campaigns have been run so far on sound principles, even sounder sports hall stages, and with a celebratory dab at being several orders of magnitude behind the winner.
Then, gearing up to the titular chunk of what can be improved in modern Britain, we get the history of the place so far, and this honest to goodness brought to mind George Mikes – although not the same quality, of course. But here are salient facts about our naffness, such as our agreeing to William the Bastard getting renamed William the Conqueror on one solitary bit of evidence. Not just Britain is at fault for being big-headed – golf, joyriding in buggies and matching outfits proves the Apollo landings were just a mere stag do.
And I thought the improvements to Britain (in their multitudes…) would be simply-scanned, trite observational comedy about the sins of the world, the Ed Sheerans, the Jedwards, the Milliband vs a bacon sandwich… Now all three get mentioned, but the latter is a case in point, spinning off quite surprisingly eruditely into how that definitively has caused no end of do-do. Potentially it would have caused the invasion of Ukraine had the earlier edition been updated.
Therefore this is nothing like a bog standard, bog-bound gimmick along the lines of "bus schedules, eh? Shocking! Which is Ant and which is Dec? How come baked beans are cold and in tomato sauce, but baked potatoes are hot and need butter?". This does play the alien observer card a bit too much at times, and it does out the author as very much a lefty Remainer, but boy it was shockingly packed with material. This is no fly-by-night chancer of a book, and as a result gets my vote.
No pun intended. Definitely.
There is a heck of a lot more to this than I expected, that's for sure. The first circa 80 page chunk (and I can use the word circa as the author spoke fluent Latin with BoJo for all of four words, once) is the reporting of his political career so far, of being Lord Buckethead until he was told that was him being a very naughty copyright infringer, and then outing himself as this, his latest and allegedly true persona. All his election campaigns have been run so far on sound principles, even sounder sports hall stages, and with a celebratory dab at being several orders of magnitude behind the winner.
Then, gearing up to the titular chunk of what can be improved in modern Britain, we get the history of the place so far, and this honest to goodness brought to mind George Mikes – although not the same quality, of course. But here are salient facts about our naffness, such as our agreeing to William the Bastard getting renamed William the Conqueror on one solitary bit of evidence. Not just Britain is at fault for being big-headed – golf, joyriding in buggies and matching outfits proves the Apollo landings were just a mere stag do.
And I thought the improvements to Britain (in their multitudes…) would be simply-scanned, trite observational comedy about the sins of the world, the Ed Sheerans, the Jedwards, the Milliband vs a bacon sandwich… Now all three get mentioned, but the latter is a case in point, spinning off quite surprisingly eruditely into how that definitively has caused no end of do-do. Potentially it would have caused the invasion of Ukraine had the earlier edition been updated.
Therefore this is nothing like a bog standard, bog-bound gimmick along the lines of "bus schedules, eh? Shocking! Which is Ant and which is Dec? How come baked beans are cold and in tomato sauce, but baked potatoes are hot and need butter?". This does play the alien observer card a bit too much at times, and it does out the author as very much a lefty Remainer, but boy it was shockingly packed with material. This is no fly-by-night chancer of a book, and as a result gets my vote.
May 3, 2023
You will either love or hate this book. I don't think there is an in between. If you think someone like Count Binface could do a better job than the current government, you'll probably love it. Actually, being realistic, an amoeba could probably do better than the current government so he really hasn't got much competition...
Having grown up with Screaming Lord Sutch and his Monster Raving Loonie Party, I am well versed in "characters" running for office. And to be honest, after reading this manifesto, if I wasn't completely happy with my current MP, Count Binface would be definitely getting my cross should he run in Portsmouth South!
Some of Binface's manifesto is somewhat reminiscent of the late great Docker Hughes' manifesto where he campaigned for duty free on the Gosport Ferry. Although, I hasten to add, that is where the similarity there ends.
Anyway... despite what I though going into this book, it was quite a meaty tome. Interesting all the way and I have to say that our attitudes to and thoughts about certain current politicians and their shenanigans are very very similar (the same). If you are of like mind you will find it all very very clever and funny. If you are not then you might find some funny but, to be honest, I'd probably give it a miss. Suffice to say there's a sample facility on Amazon, I suggest if you are unsure, you might want to use it.
Me I'm buying a copy to keep. Heck I'm gifting a bunch to all my like-minded mates. My thanks go to the Publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book.
Having grown up with Screaming Lord Sutch and his Monster Raving Loonie Party, I am well versed in "characters" running for office. And to be honest, after reading this manifesto, if I wasn't completely happy with my current MP, Count Binface would be definitely getting my cross should he run in Portsmouth South!
Some of Binface's manifesto is somewhat reminiscent of the late great Docker Hughes' manifesto where he campaigned for duty free on the Gosport Ferry. Although, I hasten to add, that is where the similarity there ends.
Anyway... despite what I though going into this book, it was quite a meaty tome. Interesting all the way and I have to say that our attitudes to and thoughts about certain current politicians and their shenanigans are very very similar (the same). If you are of like mind you will find it all very very clever and funny. If you are not then you might find some funny but, to be honest, I'd probably give it a miss. Suffice to say there's a sample facility on Amazon, I suggest if you are unsure, you might want to use it.
Me I'm buying a copy to keep. Heck I'm gifting a bunch to all my like-minded mates. My thanks go to the Publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book.
August 21, 2023
I enjoyed reading the Count's book having requested it as a gift to mark the anniversary of the beginning of my existence in the Earth year of 2022. As a current member of a UK human political party I'm unable to publicly endorse other politicians however what I will say is that I find great merit in many of the Count's ideas, particularly that of linking MPs pay to that of NHS nurses. You do need to have a reasonably detailed knowledge of recent political events in the UK to understand some of the humor. For example, if the name Dido Harding means nothing to you then a lot of the humor may well go over your head. That being said if you are a follower of political developments in the United Kingdom then you should enjoy this. Although the Count describes themself as a "progressive bin" they're critical at times of all sides of the human political spectrum.
January 14, 2023
Count Binface, formerly Lord Buckethead, is one of those traditionally mad British political figures, who stand against a high profile MP at election, either to make a point, make them look ridiculous, or just for the fun of it. In his book, he tells us his history (he comes from outer space), talks a bit about the history of British politics and the various political systems in place around the world, before detailing his manifesto (bringing back Ceefax is a major component).
Surprisingly informative, though not at all deep, and pretty humorous throughout.
Surprisingly informative, though not at all deep, and pretty humorous throughout.
May 16, 2024
Binface whilst a parody is far more honest and upstanding than the politicians we have now
Amongst the jokes of politics on his alien home world, he makes good points and shares lots of political history
Amongst the silly pledges as bringing back Lovejoy he has proper ones on likes of housing
Vote Binface
Amongst the jokes of politics on his alien home world, he makes good points and shares lots of political history
Amongst the silly pledges as bringing back Lovejoy he has proper ones on likes of housing
Vote Binface
July 28, 2023
I really think Count Binface is onto something. An honest politician. A step on his way to power. I am not sure the world or multiverse domination would be all its cracked up to be. I think he may be disappointed.
October 31, 2023
A pleasant and refreshing take on what could really benefit Britain right now. Given the colossal and highly visible political messups of the past decade the book could write itself really :-)
It may not have been "laugh out loud" funny but was an entertaining read nonetheless.
It may not have been "laugh out loud" funny but was an entertaining read nonetheless.
April 30, 2024
A political masterpiece
February 27, 2025
peaked at the analysis of how ed milliband eating a bacon sandwich ruined the country tbh
June 5, 2023
I learned about Count Binface when they were candidated and I found this character amusing and fun.
I expected this book to be a humorous and a satirical political program but the world of politics is currently so crazy that I could vote for them.
Interesting and intriguing.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine
I expected this book to be a humorous and a satirical political program but the world of politics is currently so crazy that I could vote for them.
Interesting and intriguing.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews