Hounded: The Lowdown on Life from Three Dachshunds

by Matt Ziselman

Living with three strong-willed, highly individual Dachshunds can be equal parts entertaining, frustrating and rewarding. Just ask Matt Ziselman.

Armed with a fresh, creative voice that is unabashedly cranky one moment and profoundly poignant the next, Ziselman mixes hilarious canine stories, with heartfelt reminiscences from his own life, the results of which is a memoir of illuminating life lessons, courtesy of the three thoroughly Teutonic Dachshunds that he shares his life (and couch) Baxter, Maya and Molly. Seemingly mundane moments, like Baxter's incessant, neuroses inducing staring, Maya's inexplicable refusal to walk through the front door and Molly's obsessive compulsive love for a torn and tattered blanket become, through Ziselman's insightful eyes, a treasure trove of observations that any dog-lover will appreciate. In a market where Americans spend more than $40 billion a year on their pets, this work of razor-sharp wit and quiet tenderness will reach out and grab readers everywhere by the heartstrings and-quite possibly-their leashes.

HOUNDED wraps universal insights in hot-dog-shaped packages, providing true dog lovers with many knowing nods, honest belly laughs and an accurate, warts-and-all reflection of the fascination, wonder and love that they have for their dogs.

And that Matt Ziselman obviously has for his.

Genres: Animals, Nonfiction, Biography, Humor, Dogs, Memoir, Autobiography

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

While born in Brooklyn, Matt has always considered himself a Long Islander, where he was raised. Should you ever run-in to him you can easily verify this simply by asking him to say the words, “Long Island.”

Matt’s most recent book, Sunburned and Circumcised is a memoir that recounts the summer of 1972, which Matt and his family spent at the Highland Park Bungalow Colony in New York’s Catskills Mountains. It’s like The Wonder Years, but with significant amounts of Jewish guilt. His first book, Hounded: The Lowdown on Life from Three Dachshunds (2013, Hachette) chronicles Matt’s relationships with his Teutonic trio of dogs – Baxter, Maya and Molly. Matt is currently working on his next book.

Matt’s worked in marketing for a long time, though he couldn’t tell you exactly how that came to pass. He continues to do so because he has become quite fond of such basics as food, shelter and HBO. He’s married and has a 16-year old daughter. Matt hates the heat; he currently resides in Jacksonville, Florida. He fails to find the irony even remotely amusing.

Reviews

[Mary BookHounds · Rating 5 out of 5]

MY THOUGHTS
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT....LIKE YOU WERE EXPECTING LESS?

Zen and the Art of Dachshund Maintenance.

Matt Ziselman had discovered the magical properties of owning a dachshund, or rather, being OWNED by a dachshund. Well, in his case, three, because you know, dachshunds can be addicting. After suffering the loss of both his parents by age 26, several dead-end jobs, despair and depression, he finally meets the girl of his dreams and also gets the dog that is required by every happy family. In his case, this dog is Baxter, a standard size black and tan dachshund with all of the graces and goodness that is found in this breed. Baxter quickly leads to Molly, a mini, that in spite of her size, rules the pack and Maya, a rescue from a breeder. Maya is the most stoic dachshund I have ever read about.

We follow the author through life lessons with the help of his dachshunds. He discovers that you can learn a lot from dogs, especially ones so close to the ground. Several of the experiences he has with his pups are ones I can totally relate to. My favorite tale was the bat. With woods behind their house, Maya comes back to the house proudly displaying her catch: a live bat. I have personally dealt with my dachshund catching mice, birds and lizards, but I would really freak out if my dog brought back a bat, much like the author and his family. Of course, there are the humorous stories of the dogs and their bodily functions, both internal and external, and dachshunds have these quirks in spades. It is a good thing they are easily washed in a sink since they tend to roll in stuff frequently.

As Ziselman and his dogs grow together, they also develop that special bond that can only come from catering to a small dog. You learn that they rule the house, their wish is your command and you won't have it any other way. I really enjoyed the humor as well as the little proverbs at the end of each chapter that appear as Dachshund Life Lessons. This is a must buy for dog lovers, particularly those who smile when they hear some one yell, "WIENER DOG!".

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t want this book to end. What a delightful, honest, sincere, loving book! My poor husband had to endure endless shaking of the bed as I chuckled reading the many antics of Baxter, Maya, and Molly.

As I was nearing the end of the book I really began to wonder if author Matt Ziselman may have been a Dachshund in a former life because his accounts of what this breed is all about are so right on! But I especially related to, and enjoyed, the lessons he has learned (and continues to learn) from his loving trio of short-legged dogs.

As much as these weensters can also frustrate their human friends, I was brought to tears when Matt talks about all three draped on him as he tries to write the final chapter of the book. With Maya pinning down his right arm he says, “I want them to stay right where they are…I will have free and full movement of my right arm, and my heart will not feel as full and warm as it does right now. I want my friends to stay.”

This is a must read for every Dachshund owner out there, or I should really say, for every person that is owned by a Dachshund. But it is also a must read for anyone struggling with challenges, and let’s face it we all are. But seeing life through the eyes of our four legged friends is a refreshing and encouraging way to just get on with life with a little humor and learning to live in the moment.

[Judith Schneider · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hold onto your heart, because Matt Ziselman and his dogs are going to steal it away. If you're a dog lover, you'll be nodding in recognition while laughing your head off. If you don't yet have a dog, you're going to want one by the time you've finished this book. By turns funny and touching, this short book has a message that will live in your memory for a long time. I loved every magic, dog-filled minute of it.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book because I have had Dachshunds in the house since 1989 and thought it would be a fun read. To my dismay, the book was more a memoir of the authors life, with a little bit of fun facts about his three dachshunds thrown in. While it was fun hearing about the quirks of Baxter, Maya and Molly, this book is not what I was led to believe it was.

[Tami · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author is writing about his life and he relates his life lessons to the whimsical and loveable doggy traits of his three dachshunds. This was a book that I picked up just after becoming a new human mom to a 6-month-old Yorkshire Terrier. Hounded is a good book for dog story lovers.

[Denise Eggleston · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the "owner" of a Basset hound and a dachshund, I had no choice but to buy and read this book. It made me seriously think about adding another dachshund to the household--then I came to my senses.

I am not usually a reader of memoirs. The book discusses lessons the author learned as he lives with his three dogs. For instance, one dog has the habit of staring at his person. Through this habit, the author learned persistence and wrote this book.

As a non-memoir reader, I enjoyed the dachshund parts, gave thought to how our pets affect us as we affect them, but cared little about the author's life.

[Brian Rawson-Ketchum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was expecting a tale more on the three dachshunds but was genuinely impressed with how Ziselman connected their antics with the lessons he's learned during his life. In all honesty, it's one of the better memoirs I've read, because he's willing to open up on how various events and personal loss impacted his life. This is a very heartwarming book, and I recommend it to anyone whether they be dog lovers or not.

[Glen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A humorous book about the life lessons a man learned from his wiener dogs.

It's like a cross between Robert Fulghum and Jerry Seinfeld. I think it might need a Kramer, though.

I found it amusing, but never laugh out loud funny. It warmed my heart to about the same degree as an issue of Reader's Digest. I got a little tired of the writer's countless neuroses, but they didn't completely distract me.

It was a nice change from my usual reading material.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest. Hilarious. Owners of dachshunds will appreciate seeing their dogs antics in print. Matt is a gifted writer with an authentic voice and a self honesty that is refreshing. He's also funny as hell!

[Sheralee · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting light read, has funny parts especially when telling about the dogs.

[JennM · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so funny and heartfelt. I liked that the author compared his doxie's actions and behaviors to various segments of his own life. I have read this book twice and want to read it again. Each time, it makes me laugh and I take something new from it with me. Being a dog owner myself, it is easy to relate to Mr. Ziselman and his interactions with his pets. One of my favorite parts is when he describes the whole process of a takeout menu and ordering in. The sonic barking and alarms that go off..... hilarious. It's a fun read, but also a serious one when he touches on his parents' deaths. I recommend -- especially to dog lovers and pet owners.

[Brianna Flores · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this book. I really loved how Matt written his life story and adding how his Dachshunds helped him by learning a life lesson that we could all learn and sometimes relate. I could totally really go some of his stories, me being an owner to a 13 year old fat tub of lard of a dachshund lol. I honestly just appreciate at how at the end he says that dogs are not just pets but a huge part of our family.

[Becky Thublin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book literally (yes, I am using that word correctly) made me laugh out loud. I am the owner of one dachshund who is my soulmate, so I can definitely relate to the doxie quirks he mentions throughout the book. If you're looking for that, read it for sure. As far as his life lessons, nothing was revolutionary, but they were nice little reminders. Throughout the different chapters, he did seem to contradict himself, which makes the book hard to follow if you actually want to get life advice.

[Sophie · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who's grown up with dachshunds, I knew immediately that I had to give this a read as soon as I saw the front cover. Reading about Baxter, Molly, and Maya's feisty little behaviours and adventures made me miss my own dogs in the best way, and I never wanted their adventures to end. I loved how each chapter ended in a little bit of 'dog philosophy' too. This was a wonderful little read that's guaranteed to put a smile on any dachshund lover's face :)

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book went straight to my favorite shelf. Baxter, Maya and Molly remind me of my 10 yr old Doxie mix Sassy. She has all of their traits wrapped up into one. Mr. Ziselman reminds me of my father and I in his view on the world and his special quirks. To say I enjoyed this book is an understatement.

[Anna Dow Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a sweet and totally relatable book. I laughed at certain parts, not only because they were funny, but because the author described my Dachshunds exactly. I recommend it to all dog lovers/owners who haven’t yet read it, especially those who own Dachshunds.

[Jodi Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

It may just be me, but I laughed the whole way through this book. I know this is all about life lessons or reminders but just seeing the struggles or how all dachshunds are the same brought a smile to my face. This is such a good book 🥹

[Donna Krebs · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was alright. I think the author was really stretching it by trying to find deep, moral keys to life from dogs' lives! The dogs and their stories were the best part.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love dogs, I love all dogs, but dachshunds have a special place in my heart as I own one of these little clowns that have the biggest hearts. Imagine a life with 3.

[Thelma · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the author presents some cute stories about his doxies, the bulk of the book is about his own neurosis.

[Mary Preston · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the doggie parts very entertaining and it was a simple read but there were alot of parts that were super boring and I wish he would focus on the doggies more then himself.

[Jill Bjorklund · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what I expected. I wanted more dog stories.

[Marvin Fender · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very cute

[Ashleyreadsabook · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never felt so seen before reading this book. Great life reminders and the pure love that dogs bring out in us.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Ziselman's first attempt at writing a book, he succeeds by using humorous stories about his 3 dachshunds to reflect on his own life. Short, simple chapters that are packed full of substance, could be an accurate way to describe the 3 dogs too. Baxter is the big one on the left of the cover, the only male in the group, who was the first one to join the family and gave Ziselman the idea for the book as he constantly stares at Ziselman, prompting wonder at whether the dog was judging him, knew something, or just is not quite right in the head. In the middle of the cover is Molly with her piebald coat, the youngest and smallest of the bunch but perhaps the most assertive and unrelenting when it comes to getting what she wants. On the right is Maya, the oldest dog, who was a former breeding bitch and still bears emotional scars from her traumatic younger years, not to mention some less than savory choices when it comes to her eating habits.
Ziselman reveals some secrets of his own life, from how it felt to be a 19 year-old across the country from his mom and brothers when his father suddenly collapsed and he had to be the one to dictate his care, to dissecting the reasons why he doesn't have many true friends beyond his wife, to his relationship with his young daughter and, to a small degree, his college-age stepson. Of course, I liked the dog portion of each chapter better than his autobiography, but the connections he makes between the 2 brought it all together nicely.

[Jeff Grosser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself trying to take my time reading this book, but only because I didn't want it to end. Try as I might, at each sitting I found myself saying, "Just one more page, just one more page" because I was enjoying it so much! Matt shows us his unconditional love for his dachshunds by taking their personality quirks and applying them to life situations. Then gives examples of how we can use them to better our lives, find humor in them, and put things in perspective.

At the end of each chapter there is a dachshund life lesson and I'm very tempted to post them in my office as daily reminders. My favorite chapter is #10 OCDog. Where Matt gave me a revelation as to why I do certain things. Things like why I love doing the grocery shopping, taking care of the yard & the cars, and having a neat & orderly house. I thought I did them to make me happy and that my grandparents (who have passed) would be proud. But Matt also explained that these things also help us remember the times we had with these special people. It actually chocked me up when I read that...

I am very thankful for this wonderful book and hope that Matt stops his procrastinating and writes another one. Haha!

[Mark Hartzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Matt Ziselman is a gifted writer. It's funny how we humans interact with dogs, and they with us and what they can teach us about ourselves.

Dachshunds are peculiar little dogs and as someone who has lived with 5 different ones, highly individualistic. Matt (I hope you don't mind the familiarity), has given us a very personal view into his relationships with not only his dachsies, but also his family and himself. While on the surface, this book is nominally about his funny little dogs, running beneath is a tale of personal reflection.

I think Matt has done a fine job of personal meditation and how to find a deeper understanding of oneself by careful observation of his dachshunds. His stories are funny, wry and well organized. I found his discussions about 'Maya' genuinely touching, and the tales dealing with 'Baxter' & 'Molly' to be funny and warm.

Thanks Matt... well done.

[Christina Hickey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Im an animal lover! This book was different from other dog books that i have read.. Because here the author was speaking on life lessons that his dogs taught him. I could totally relate to the author is some aspects of his life and totally understand and feel the love he has for his 3 dogs! This book made me laugh ;) and also touched me! Great job Matt!

-- if it wasnt for this book i would have been wondering what the heck my dog was doing this morning! Matt taught me that a dog who has a upset stomach will eat grass to make themselves throw up!! And this was the case with my dog this morning! Thanks Matt ;)

[Sarah Ewald · Rating 4 out of 5]

A delightful read for anyone, but especially for dog-lovers. Ziselman writes in a tone reminiscent of of Bill Bryson, with the biting sense of humor he is able to see in his situations. His dogs, Molly, Maya, and Baxter, are the muses in his writing, but the gist of his memoir is about his life situations. The description of his first experience with childbirth in chapter 13 had me laughing, yet the chapters which detail family relationships (and losses of his mother and father) brought tears to my eye. The chapters end with life lessons as related by his dogs, which have been elaborated by stories of his life.
I loved this book and didn't want it to end.

[Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a fellow dachshund owner, the dogs in this book relate to mine so well that I thought the author was writing about my dachshund. I feel the pains/joys of dachshund ownership that the author goes through and found myself smiling at this book more often than not. The author's memoir of his life is well written and the way he relates it back to his pack of doxies is simply great. Dog lovers and owners, regardless of breed, should read this book if only to laugh at the hijinks his dogs cause.