Steve Simpson, late twentysomething londoner, loses his job, fiancée and home in the space of twenty-four hours. He has only hours to find a new place to live, and beggars can't be choosers.
The house he ends up in is the mystic repository of the Sacred Stone of St. Neot, which, as one of the residents, Gonoroid Quarxxx, comments, 'attracts weirdos'. But can the Stone's properties protect him against the Lizard Lady, the Fissure King, the Masters of Cold Steel, the Vutwamini, and the Crouch End Albanian Mob?