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Shocked: My Mother, Schiaparelli, and Me

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From the acclaimed author of an intimate, richly illustrated memoir, written with charm and panache, that juxtaposes two fascinating lives—the iconoclastic designer Elsa Schiaparelli and the author’s own mother—to explore how a girl fashions herself into a woman.

Audrey Morgen Volk, an upper-middle-class New Yorker, was a great beauty and the polished hostess at her family’s garment district restaurant. Elsa Schiaparelli—“Schiap”—the haute couture designer whose creations shocked the world, blurred the line between fashion and art, and believed that everything, even a button, has the potential to delight.

Audrey’s daughter Patricia read Schiap’s autobiography, Shocking Life, at a tender age, and was transformed by it. These two women—volatile, opinionated, and brilliant each in her own way—offered Patricia contrasting lessons about womanhood and personal style that allowed her to plot her own course.

Moving seamlessly between the Volks’ Manhattan and Florida milieux and Schiap’s life in Rome and Paris (among friends such as Dalí, Duchamp, and Picasso), Shocked weaves Audrey’s traditional notions of domesticity with Schiaparelli’s often outrageous ideas into a marvel-filled, meditation on beauty, and on being a daughter, sister, and mother, while demonstrating how a single book can change a life.

283 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2013

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1315 people want to read

About the author

Patricia Volk

9 books19 followers
Patricia Volk is the author of the memoir Stuffed: Adventures of a Restaurant Family and four works of fiction. A recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, she has taught at Columbia University, New York University, and Bennington College, and has written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, The New Yorker and Playboy. She lives in New York City.

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5 stars
147 (17%)
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336 (39%)
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264 (31%)
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75 (8%)
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23 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
Profile Image for Sally Koslow.
Author 14 books304 followers
June 4, 2013
As a huge fan of STUFFED, Volk's earlier memoir about her restaurant-owning New York City family, I was eager to get my hands on SHOCKED; My Mother, Schiaparelli, and Me. I was not disappointed. "I am good at reading her," the author writes of her mother, "the most beautiful woman in the world." "It's possible reading my mother is what I do best. I know what displeases her and sense it in the way trained dogs can sense an epilepsy seizure." The mother in question, Audrey Volk, is gorgeous, vain, brilliant, difficult and manipulative, and the reader cannot help finding her as interesting as the author does.

Volk writes with an understated wit--her parents' vacation retreat in Boca is described, for example, as "Moby house." Nonetheless, The New Yorker described's "Schiap"'s autobiography as "disjointed" and the same might be said of the parts in SHOCKED devoted to the famous dress designer. I was left wishing Volk had shared more of the adult she grew up to become, and how Schiaparelli influenced her as a mature woman. Did she become a successful artist before she tried her deft hand at writing? Was she as unlucky in love as Elsa? Still, this is an utterly original and charming wisp of a book. I loved every page.
Profile Image for Meghan.
1,330 reviews51 followers
June 13, 2013
How cool was Elsa Schiaparelli? She designed practically every avant garde, Alexander McQueen-esque fashion, decades before anyone else. She continually shocked Paris and New York in the 1920s, 1930s and 40s with the dresses and accessories produced by her fashion house. She was friends with Salvador Dali and Marcel Duchamp.

She wore this cheetah hat:


And she did all this without knowing how to sew.

This book left me with an urgent need to see more pictures of Schiaparelli designs (suggestion: google image search for 'Schiaparelli sunglasses', wish that you lived in another time so you could buy some).

The author compares the life of Schiaparelli with that of her mother, a beautiful upper-middle class New York-living housewife, whose rigid rules of behavior and decorum profoundly influenced her daughter's life.

This is a weird mashup of family memoir and famous person biography, with mixed results.
Profile Image for Katherine.
404 reviews3 followers
September 2, 2019
I loved Volk's earlier book, Stuffed, a memoir about growing up in a restaurant family in New York. And I also love Schiaparelli's work, so this book was a perfect mix of the two. If you are new to Patricia Volk, this probably isn't the place to start. Stuffed is fantastic, and introduces you to the family and its quirks (we all have them). But this focuses specifically on Volk's relationship with her mother. It's a story told with love, honesty, and a tremendous grasp of detail. I loved it, hope others will as well.
Profile Image for Laurie.
973 reviews48 followers
May 24, 2013
When I picked up this book, I thought that the author’s mother was perhaps friends with Schiaparelli and that she had grown up with both women in her life. No, it turns out,, neither mother nor daughter ever met the imaginative designer- the only connection was that Audrey Volk wore Schiaparelli’s perfume ‘Shocking’ for much of her life. But when the precocious reader Volk was ten years old, she picked up her mother’s copy of “Shocking Life”, Schiaparelli’s autobiography. What she read there presented her with a version of womanhood that was diametrically opposed to that which her mother lived.

Audrey Volk was incredibly beautiful, smart, and personable. She excelled in school, married comfortably, had children and devoted her life to doing things *right*. Her life was full of rules: rules for how one dressed, rules for decorating, rules for how to have the right friends, rules of decorum. The most important thing, to her, was how one presented oneself, and protected oneself. Her friends never met each other, because, she reasoned, what if two of her friends decided to do something together and leave Audrey out? When this did happen, she dropped both friends permanently. There were no gray areas with Audrey. Patricia Volk, even from a young age, had problems with that. Schiaparelli- or Schiap as she referred to herself- was no classical beauty and relied on her talents to survive. Her life was colorful and she took chances- with her life and with her art. Her way of being a woman was diametrically opposed to that of Audrey’s. She didn’t wear neutrals or have monocolor rooms, and her friends were chosen to be exciting and interesting. Patricia Volk could pick the best from both her mother’s way and Schiap’s way. And she did have to pick, because neither woman was perfect. Schiap spent little time with her daughter; she sent her away to live & be educated, letting someone else bring the girl up. Audrey demanded strict adherence to her rules; once when Patricia spoke back to her, Audrey hit her in the face hard enough to damage a tooth to the point of needing a root canal.

The author switches around in viewpoints; she follows Schiap, Audrey and herself from childhood as they grow up and assume lives as women, but I had no trouble following who was who. It’s a fascinating exposition on having a narcissistic mother with control issues. I’m sure Patricia Volk could not have written this book while her mother was alive. It would have been the ultimate betrayal.
Profile Image for Trina.
25 reviews
September 11, 2013
I thought this book would be good as it looked to be a good memoir; however it is NOT. It is this normal average woman with no real specialities who decides to write a book about growing up with her mother that really doesn't contain anything eventful or life changing. And all that this author does is compare her life with that of a well known celebrity SCHIAPARELLI . She tries to create an interesting juxtaposition between these two woman which just doesn't work. There is nothing linking these two woman and it is just a silly book!

The best way to describe this story is to say " ok I'm going to write a book about growing up with my mother and to make it interesting I'm going to compare her to her favourite actress or singer---let's say MADONNA!"
SILLY SILLY SILLY
And to make it even more interesting I will put photographs in the book of Madonna wearing a similar looking piece of jewelry as my mom once wore or maybe a picture of her oil of Olay beside the contrasting high end cream that Madonna wore"

Wow I don't recommend this to anyone!
Profile Image for Andrea Rosenthal.
53 reviews
May 30, 2013
A quick, interesting read. The author's mother was a woman of her time....while the fashion designer Schiaparelli was ahead of hers. Volk wrestles with what attracts her to both women and repels her--what elements of these women's personalities and drive shaped her and influenced her as she stepped into adulthood. Just when you think she's being too hard on good old mom, she has some interesting revelations near the end. I would like to read her earlier family memoir, "Stuffed" which is supposed to be great.
Profile Image for Desiree.
279 reviews13 followers
September 7, 2013
I liked the pink rhinestones cover, and took it home after being intrigued by the chapter titles as well. (On parenting, etc.) It is not set up like your usual memoir, and the concept of weaving in biographical info of an unrelated third party is fascinating and actually works extremely well here. I learned a great deal about early 20th-century fashion and was quite drawn to the sphere of characters... Bravo, Ms. Volk!
Profile Image for Ily.
129 reviews30 followers
June 18, 2014
we read this for book club and I did not love it. I did however love the conversations and discussions it sparked. we asked ourselves the question "which is the first book you read that changed you?" and that got us lots of other good books to try and sparked great discussion. it was a valuable read, but not my favorite.
Profile Image for Robin.
29 reviews
August 5, 2013
Was interesting as the author compared her Mother and Schiap's lives and showed many similarities.
Lots of discussion of the Jewish culture in the 30's, 40's, 50's etc. Novel should have been less about her Mom and more about Schiaparelli.
Profile Image for Victoria Miles.
13 reviews10 followers
August 7, 2017
“Shocked: My Mother, Schiaparelli, and Me” by Patricia Folk

“‘When my great-grandparents die, one right after the other, I’m little and can’t figure it out. Where did people go?
‘How can they just disappear?’ I asked my mother.
‘They don’t,’ she said. ‘They’re in you. Every generation that precedes you. Sometimes in ways you don’t even know. It could be anything, darling. A turn of phrase. Not liking nutmeg. People don’t disappear. Look how you hold your pinky.’
I looked down. ‘It’s just like Poppy!’
‘Exactly.’”—from “Shocked: My Mother, Schiaparelli, and Me” by Patricia Folk

Once upon a time in Manhattan, a daughter is born to an “outrageously” beautiful mother. When she is 10 years old, the daughter, Patricia Volk, discovers a book so compelling she feigns a sore throat to stay home from school and finish reading it. But really, there is no rush. She will come back to it, time and again, to understand that it is possible to be someone other than the ideal of Audrey, her beloved, complex and beautiful mother. The book is “Shocking Life” the autobiography of the legendary designer Elsa Schiaparelli.

Though Elsa’s New York office is around the corner from Morgen’s, one of the family restaurants, it is unlikely that the designer and Audrey ever met. Audrey’s style is ever crisp. Audrey does not wear Schiaparelli’s daring, imaginative clothes. Audrey doesn’t have leopard print bowling shoes; she doesn’t carry an accordion handbag. Likely she would have considered Schiaparelli’s lamb chop hat an abomination of epic proportions.

But in bringing Audrey and Elsa together on the pages of “Shocked”, Volk discovers what they have in common. Both are “brilliant and opinionated”, “secretive”, “generous”, “moody”, and, in their own ways, “crazy about clothes.” Both are superstitious, too: S is Schiap’s lucky letter. It adorns every scent she bottles, including “Shocking”—her most famous perfume. “Shocking” is Audrey’s signature scent and for luck, she adds a drop of it to her handkerchief as part of her ritual for leaving the apartment for the day.

“Always the perfume comes gift-wrapped. My father makes the paper himself. He uses as many hundred-dollar bills as it takes to get the job done.”

Audrey marries into, and works alongside, a family of successful restauranteurs, Schiaparelli is self-made. Audrey and Schiap are both working mothers, readers, late-in-life learners. But where one is “fierce opponent of invention” the other is a risk-taker who carves out a place for herself in fashion history.

“Being original, being yourself to my beautiful mother was not safe. Being original, being yourself to Elsa Schiaparelli was life-giving. She made a hat out of a shoe. Reading that at ten, I knew: Anything is possible.”
Profile Image for AudReads.
31 reviews1 follower
September 22, 2022
I was interested in reading this book because my grandmother was a big fan of Elsa Schiaparelli. I grew up hearing her name a lot, and I now have more of an interest in knowing what drew my grandmother to her. This book combines the lives of Schiaparelli with the lives of Audrey Volk and her family (the author is Audrey Volk’s daughter). The similar personalities and mannerisms of Schiaparelli and Volk make an interesting story, and while they did not know each other, it is a very interesting way of comparing their lives and looking at their personalities. and the author used her knowledge of Schiaparelli (through a book she read on Schiaparelli) to understand her mother. Audrey Volk was narcissitic and abusive to her daughters and her friends, but conversely, she was also loving and generous with her daughters and husband. Her insecurities could be studied in depth for years with interesting interpretations. It took a while to get my interest up in this book, but reading about the mid 20th century fashion styles, world events, and personalities was surprisingly fascinating. I have a new interest in Schiaparelli. She was definitely a trend setter, so far ahead of her time. While these people were in circles I wouldn’t have inhabited, their flawed and busy lives make for very good reading.
Profile Image for Coaldust.
24 reviews12 followers
November 17, 2017
I'm almost always fascinated by the lives of people whose experience is so far removed from my own that they may as well be fictional characters in a made up world. This is one of those moments.
In this case I find the contrast almost alienating, and the author's childhood so unrelatable, but I did not feel unkindly towards young Patricia in any way. The universal wonderment of childhood and how we often view our parents through an idealised lens seemed to be able to keep me connected to her as a reader regardless of our monumental differences. I don't begrudge certain things mentioned in the book even though I would disdain them in today's world. Fur coats, and other such inane status items symptomatic of the class system are a given in the context of the time period in which many of the events take place.
While I would not wish to live in any other time period it is always a marvel, and a novel experience to be able to peer back in time at the lives of other people. Which is why I like autobiographies and memoirs, as foreign as some people's lives are, they are nevertheless intereresting.
Which is the case in this instance, and why I am giving this book three stars.
Profile Image for Kate..
296 reviews10 followers
June 15, 2018
"Schiaparelli pink. We didn't know that then, but that was what it was." When I heard Andre Leon Talley describe the color of his childhood bedroom in rural North Carolina, I somehow could feel exactly what he meant. And here -- many years later -- I have stumbled across the story of that color and its rise to greatness.

This was a very charming and fun read, which is to say: not my usual genre. The author playfully sketches the lives of two indomitable women side by side -- her own mother and the Italian designer Else Schiaparelli. Photos are scattered throughout so that you can appreciate their visual legacies.
But how do you begin to compare a Manhattan housewife and an eponymous designer? Both women have flawless sense of style. Both women are bad ass powerhouses. Both women have a dark reckless ruthlessness. This is what female success looked like in the 20th Century, and I think it is as much a commentary on the times as on the lives of these women.
Profile Image for Angela.
548 reviews5 followers
June 21, 2020
I randomly picked this book up at the library. Shocking Life had been on my To Read list for a couple of years. I thought I must read that before this book. I did and loved Shocking Life. I wrote in my review that it was the right book at the right time. I originally thought this author's mother knew Schiap but they had nothing to do with one another. Still, this book was strangely interesting in its unique own way. It is one of those books that you pick up even though you know nothing about it.
Bizarrely, in the last pages of this book this author states, Shocking Life was the right book at the right time. Serendipity or fate?
1,217 reviews6 followers
April 7, 2024
Patricia Volk had a mother who was so beautiful that strangers on the street would comment about it. Her mother spent hours and hours focusing on her beauty, in careful maintenance and care, almost like some sort of religious icon, in Volks telling.
Young Volk also found a copy of Schiaparelli's "My Shocking Life" at an impressionable age, and was instantly fascinated by the daring, off center glamour of the surrealist designer.
A story about her mother, about creativity, about beauty, about family, and about a thousand other small things, this memoir really grabbed me. Volk contrasts the two women in increasingly complicated ways, leaving me eager for more of Volks writing.
Recommended.
Profile Image for Elizabeth Behrens.
902 reviews4 followers
November 28, 2018
An interesting combination of two biographies (with the main focus being on the author's mother). Each chapter gives you a snippet of the lives of each of the people and although are different are also intertwined with commonalities and differences. It reads almost like a tennis match where the ball is hit from one person to another and then add in an overlay of commentary from the author. Easy to follow both lives even though events are not chronological. Each person's character and personality is built upon with each chapter.
2 reviews
July 19, 2020
I really enjoyed this unusual book.
I am also reading a biography of Schiaparelli. This is not really comparable. It is a combination of memoir and biography, woven together in a fine shimmering fabric.
This makes sense to me because Schiap as she was known is a somewhat forgotten name in the fashion world, unlike Chanel--there is a vestigial brand but few wear or know of it. It needs to be explained to modern readers why she she was important and interesting in history.
This author Volk does superbly and yes, elegantly. I also recommend her memoir STUFFED.
Profile Image for Kate Spears.
360 reviews45 followers
May 18, 2020
I really enjoyed this! More than just a biography of Elsa Schiaparelli, I love how the author brought in her own experiences with her mother and created such a vibrant narrative. I picked it from the second hand book store because of the cover, and thought it might be a light summer read. I think it's a book I'll probably enjoy revisiting again.
Profile Image for Purnima.
117 reviews9 followers
March 4, 2018
Stuffed by the same author was a rollicking nostalgic ride through New York. Shocked doesn’t quite evoke the same feeling. The narrative though enjoyable is too jerky to have a coherent reading experience.
Profile Image for Emma Kerr.
91 reviews2 followers
May 24, 2023
I initially thought this was the memoir of Patricia Fields, the Sex and the City stylist. I’m glad it wasn’t - I grew up with an outrageously beautiful mother too. We missed the window for this book to be my revolutionary pre-teen read, but that’s okay, it fits into my mid twenties just as well.
Profile Image for Fayette.
363 reviews2 followers
November 21, 2024
What an interesting book. I knew absolutely nothing about fashion designer Schiaparelli before reading this. Volk artfully remembers her mother while comparing and contrasting her with Schiaparelli. The illustrations and photographs were very helpful.
Profile Image for Maria Rosanna Ioannou.
54 reviews1 follower
August 20, 2018
Interesting, and I loved the scenes where make up and other beauty rituals are described. Kind of sad, often, and ends somewhat abruptly.
Profile Image for Sheila Friedman.
318 reviews
August 29, 2018
A fun memoir that paints a portrait of three lives -- the author, her mother, and Elsa Schiaparelli. The vignettes are so clear I can see them. A fun read!
Profile Image for Betsy.
320 reviews
May 20, 2020
Patricia Volk is so insightful. She sees people as they really are despite how she feels she is supposed to.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews

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