"Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Why? How did this happen?! I wanted to protect you guys! So why...?! What... What...! What did I regain my powers for?!"
This is the most painful BLEACH volume I have ever read so far. It's not like I haven't seen it coming - I did, because I watched the anime - but, as usual, I wasn't prepared for it in the slightest. I thought that witnessing it in the manga version will be easier since there was no way for me to hear the sounds. But it wasn't any easier. In my head I had clearly heard Ichigo's broken voice and his scream of pain. I love Tite Kubo for creating BLEACH, it's my favorite anime, but I also hate him for putting my boy Ichigo through all the pain, confusion, manipulation and trauma especially in this volume.
The whole Fullbring arc is centering around Ichigo and his struggles. Because of his fight against Aizen, he had lost his powers and needed to live as a normal human for more than a year. You might think that it's no big deal. But for a person like Ichigo Kurosaki, who's whole being is build on his need to protect others, it's like loss of a soul. Loss of a limb. Loss of a life. He not only had lost his Soul Reaper powers, but also the ability to see ghosts. He didn't always have Soul Reaper powers, but he always saw ghosts. He thought of it as a curse sometimes, for sure, but if you suddenly lose something that you were used to, that you always had, it's extremely hard to keep on going forward.
I wanted to regain my power. But I couldn't figure out how. All I could do was bear it... For 17 months. Being helpless... I thought I finally found a way. Finally... I thought I could protect everybody with my power. But...
But he managed to do so. For 17 months he endured the loss and the pain, keeping a happy smile on his face despite hurting inside. Ginjou gave him hope. He dared to barge into his life and give him hope, and help him getting his powers back. Everything was supposed to be back to normal. Everything was supposed to be alright. But then Ginjou's real goal was revealed. He had shown his true face. Not only Ichigo's powers got brutally taken away from him, not only all the hope and happiness that he had felt, but also the ability to trust another person. He got betrayed in the worst possible way in the worst possible moment by the worst possible person. He lost EVERYONE he had cared for, because of Tsukishima's manipulations. It felt like all the blood, sweat and tears Ichigo had poured in the training, meant absolutely nothing. He did everything for the others, never for himself, and he got rewarded by not being called a hero, but with being called a bad guy instead.
"Chad... You guys are the same as the others...?"
"I don't know what you mean by same. I'm actually confused because you're different. Ichigo, why are you doing this?"
"Ichigo, did you forget everything Tsukishima's done for you...?"
Guys, he's only seventeen years old. He's still only a child. An adult would break down easily, how could a child react to all this?
"Give it back... Give it back, Ginjou... Give back my power..."
"What are you talking about? You were only able to regain it because of me. So why shouldn't I have it?"
His eyes and his face expressions killed me in this volume. I HATE to see him in such a pain. No one should get through such a thing in such a little amount of time, especially not Ichigo Kurosaki - the boy that sacrificed everything for others. He was always the strong one. Even when he was losing the fight, even when he was terrified of his enemy, he stood proudly and gave his everything to win. He never backed down, no matter how many times he was on the death's door. To see a guy like this fall to his knees and burst into helpless tears, screaming his heart out in the feeling of pain and betrayal, is like agony for me. The amount of tears I have shared while reading this volume could easily become an ocean. I knew that the pain wouldn't last forever, because I knew how this arc will end, but it didn't matter. My favorite boy was hurting so I was hurting with him.
"No... Not you guys too..."
The ending of this volume doesn't make everything better, but the events of the next volume certainly will, so I'm shaking away every negative emotions I have felt until now, I'm shaking away every drop of tears that are still falling, to prepare myself for one of the best moments of BLEACH. I know that I will scream and jump around in joy very, very soon, but I wish I could say that all the hurt and pain was worth it. To be honest, if I could shield Ichigo from the events of the Fullbring arc, I would. Without question. If I could take away all the negative emotions he had went through, all the pain and trauma, I would. But it's impossible, what already happened, happened and nothing can change that. It would make Ichigo stronger, for sure. But I still wish that he didn't need to get through all of this :(
Some things I need to talk about: (be aware of the spoilers, please)
~ "Stop whining. Why don't you do one more set to match your name?"
"I know you didn't just say that! I hate those kind of puns!"
"Liar. I know you wear a t-shirt that says 15 on it." - I hate myself for feeling sorry that Ichigo lost such a good friend like Ginjou. I liked Ginjou before the cut, I really did. He was a great guy and it seemed like he genuinely cared about Ichigo. They could've had a really fun and strong relationship, but all was lost in such a short amount of time.
~ The moment when Ichigo came back home after an insanely intense and tiring training just to see Tsukishima in his household and everyone acting like he was always a part of their life... insane.
~ Ichigo's desperation to leave his own house and run away as far as possible - feeling threatened and in danger in his house that should be the safest possible place - hurt me immensely and I hate both Tsukishima and Ginjou for putting him through this.
~ Why none of Ichigo's friends and family members didn't think that something is wrong? No one, absolutely no one gave Ichigo the benefit of the doubt. Everyone immediately assumed that he's in the wrong, that he's the crazy one. I understand that their memories got manipulated by the Book of the end, but for me it doesn't entirely justify their behaviour. They should've trusted Ichigo, but they trusted Tsukishima instead.
~ WHY DID CHAD ATTACK ICHIGO?! His memories were also manipulated, I understand that, but why the hell did he decide to straight up launch a punch towards his best friend instead of, I don't know, talk things out?! Didn't Ichigo and him promise that they will always fight in each other's name?! And seriously f Orihime and her sad freaking faces. Isn't Ichigo the love of your life?!
~ I really love Ikumi (Ichigo's boss) for welcoming Ichigo with open arms and giving him the safe space and comfort he needed. She's the best.
~ The worst pain of all is the fact that all the events brought Ichigo to the point of thinking about killing another person (Tsukishima). This is the guy who didn't kill even the worst enemy, the guy that always had excuses for the bad guys' behaviour, the guy who always fought fair and square, no matter if he was in disadvantage or not :(
~ "Your Fullbring is mine." - Ichigo's face while watching Ginjou's triumph over him :( :( :( I can't imagine the amount of hurt and betrayal he had to feel back then.
~ "He's crying. Poor thing."
"Let him cry. He's useless to us now." - the hypocrisy of Tsukishima and Ginjou two is truly another level. You two are awful people. Awful, awful people. I would've put both in hell without any thought (but I know that they didn't land there, sadly).
~ The way the rain had mixed with Ichigo's tears when he saw Urahara and Isshin? Help :(