I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus: A Breathers Christmas Carol

by S.G. Browne

Just in time for the holidays—a hilarious Christmas novella and sequel to the author’s highly acclaimed Breathers, “a zombie comedy with brains” ( Kirkus Reviews ).

“One of America’s best satiric novelists” ( Kirkus Reviews ), S. G. Browne seamlessly gift wraps this horrific and hilarious sequel to his “extremely strong” ( Publishers Weekly, starred review) zombie novel Breathers .

He sees you when you’re sleeping . . . he knows when you’re undead.

How does the leader of a failed zombie civil rights movement from California rescue a group of his undead brethren and help a lonely Breather girl as he hides from a band of medical researchers while disguised as Santa Claus?

If you’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, then you wouldn’t understand.

Andy Warner has just escaped from a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon, where he’s been subjected to experimental testing for the past year. With Christmas just days away, Andy figures that donning a jolly old St. Nick costume to throw off his would-be captors is just the ticket. But he never expects to encounter a sweet, lonesome nine-year-old girl who not only reminds Andy of the family he’s lost but who thinks he’s the real Santa. He also doesn’t count on being recognized as last year’s national quasi-celebrity by a clandestine group of decaying supporters who look to him for leadership. For the living and the undead, this unforgettable holiday tale will truly put on display just who is gnawing and who is nice. . . .

Genres: Zombies, Horror, Humor, Christmas, Fiction, Fantasy, Science Fiction

208 pages, Hardcover

First published October 30, 2012

About the author

S.G. Browne is the author of the novels Less Than Hero, Big Egos, Lucky Bastard, Fated, and Breathers, as well as the eBook short story collection Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel and the heartwarming holiday tale I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus. His new short story collection, Lost Creatures, blends fantasy, science fiction, dark comedy, and magical realism.

He's an ice cream connoisseur, Guinness aficionado, cat enthusiast, and a sucker for dark comedies. You can learn more about S.G. Browne and his writing at www.sgbrowne.com

Reviews

[Wanda Pedersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

How could I resist this dark little comedy? As soon as I saw the title on my library’s catalogue, I knew that I had to read it this Christmas season!

It may not rank up there with It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol, but it provided a little light relief during a season that can become rather overwhelming if one doesn’t take time to read a silly book.

Andy Warner, former zombie rights activist, escapes from the research facility where he has been held and experimented on, strips a Santa Claus in someone’s Christmas yard display, and tries to make his way through the world disguised as the jolly old elf. The author was obviously having fun with the whole concept.

Yes, there’s a bit of gore (this is a zombie book after all), but there’s also an uplifting story of a zombie who cares enough to make life better for a little girl with an alcoholic single-parent mother.

It’s not going to become an annual tradition for me, but it was a pleasant diversion this Christmas season.

[Marc *Dark Reader with a Thousand Young! Iä!* · Rating 3 out of 5]

Have a humourous holiday horror. Or just have a humerus, if you happen to have the hankering for human.

This was a random pickup from my library's Xmas shelf. It's a sequel to Breathers: A Zombie's Lament but it fine going in blind, the book gave me everything I needed to know. It's a lighthearted, standardly heartwarming story featuring fully sentient living dead. I got a couple of chuckles out of it.

I shall have a GR Librarian make a series page for this. I shall also boost the author's recent blog post highlighting the current $0.99 Kindle price for his collection, Lost Creatures: Stories. I'm servicey like that.

[Shamus McCarty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not much for Christmas stories, but the title of this one caught my eye so I entered a contest to win it. And then won it.


I never read the first book, because I typically stay away from books with a heart on the cover, so there were some parts that I didn't really get. However, S.G. did a good job of filling in most of the blanks. Behind the story of a thinking zombie is the story of what Christmas is like for the child of a single alcoholic mother. It tugged at the heart strings a little, although I was hoping for more of an anti-happy ending. But I think that speaks more to my taste as a reader.


Good book for the Holidays. Although it was a gore filled holiday read.

[Madeline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zombies? Santa Claus? Combined together can they form a respectable Christmas story?

Yes, yes, and surprisingly enough......yes!

Ok, I bought this book last year because it was on the clearance table at Hastings book store for $1. No, I'm not a fan of zombies....not even a little bit. Just too gross and messy for me. But, I am a fan of huge discounts. (90% off) woo-hoo! (All Life of a Book Addict members know what I mean.)

Somehow the fingers just picked the book up and the eyes took over.

This book was well written, with likeable Zombies, and a adorable, endearing, little girl with big hopes and dreams.

It was a great novella written by some guy I never heard of.

[Beverly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sweet Christmas-themed zombie story, ISZESC is funny, sentimental and caustically astute, as in this passage: "When I say I'm a zombie, I'm not talking about the typical mindless, shambling ghouls you'll find on the screen at your local cineplex. Most movie zombies are brain-dead monsters that lack any spark of humanity and are unrelenting in their single-minded purpose to devour anyone in their path. Kind of like politicians. . . "

[WTF Are You Reading? · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andy's story is one that will tug at your heart, make your flesh crawl, have you seeing red, and tickle every funny bone in your body. It seems that our undead narrator has had one hell of a year; going from a voice in the dark for zombie rights to a lab rat for tests unfit for the smarmiest of rodents. It's a good thing that he can still manage some snark with his lips sewn shut...right?

This is a zombie read with real brains. In fact, in most cases the zombies are not only smarter than the "breathers," but funnier and more compassionate as well.
After you get over the fact that Andy and his fellow zombies are suffering from various stages of decomposition; it is very easy to see how human they really are. They still feel, need, want, and regret...I'm not too sure about the bleeding though.

This is the best zombie read EVER! Adding it to your library should be a "no brainer.".and now

Notable Quotes:

"Although I've never had to deal with bloat, I know what it's like to struggle with your confidence. After all, I used to be the poster child for zombies before I started eating Breather."
-Andy (I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus)

"Age and exercise is what tends to toughen up Breathers," I say, "especially when it comes to the legs, shoulders, and the butt.
So when hunting Breathers, it's a good idea to stay away from gyms and retirement communities."
-Andy (I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus)

"HO HO HO, HOW ABOUT SOME DOUGH?
(BEER AND WINE ACCEPTED)"
(I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus)

[Anna Hardesty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in about two hours. If even that. I took it with me to the bathroom for a bubble bath, while I made dinner, etc. This book was AMAZING. & I can't say that enough. Not just for the fact that its about zombies, which is enough of a reason to want to read it, but it's a story about a father's love for his daughter. You really need to pick up this book & read it, because you will be hooked on it. I can promise you that. It's hilarious, well written & heartwarming. I loved every single page.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I don't think it's a prerequisite to have read Breathers, even though this is a sequel. There are some characters and parts where it might help to better inform the reader. This is a light, funny read that I'd recommend to anyone who likes zombies or just wants a unique Christmas story.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't know why, but enjoy a good zombie story, guess "I'm a multifaceted guy... Philosopher. Zombie handler." This is a fun look at a Santa Claus zombie who escapes from a research lab and tries to spread some Christmas cheer.

[Dan Greenleaf · Rating 3 out of 5]

As Santa Claus, I had to read this book. And I was pleasantly surprised. While I know little about being a zombie, I do know about being Santa. I was very impressed with the insight the author brought to the interaction between Annie and Santa. Her questions and Santa's responses rang very true to what I experience as Santa with children all the time.

What I also enjoyed was something written from the zombie's point of view. I learned lots about zombies. The primer offered to the three newbie zombies was hilarious.

It was a quick, enjoyable read and definitely recommended.

[angelofmine1974 · Rating 3 out of 5]

My review of this book can be found on my YouTube Vlog at:

https://youtu.be/rkohuRMuhIY

Enjoy!

[Earl Pike · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun little holiday read. It mixes two of my favorite things, Christmas and Zombies! It even tells a sweet story. Very fun, darkly humorous book. Perfect for Christmas time.

[CowardlyGoblin · Rating 4 out of 5]

If it weren't for the fact that I looked in the wrong place for a different book at the library I might have never found this book. The title peeked my interest as I was looking for creepy Christmas-y books. I did not even have to finish reading the synopsis on the inside jacket before saying yup, you're coming home with me. I devoured this book. It scratched my holly jolly creepy itch. I'm definitely going to read more from this author.

[Karissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review through the Goodreads First Reads program. Thanks to Gallery Books and Goodreads for allowing me the opportunity to review this book. I read Browne’s book Breathers when it was released a few years ago and really enjoyed it. I was really looking forward to reading this book as well. This ended up being a fun, yet short, zombie Christmas read. It was gory, disturbing, entertaining, and even a bit heart-warming.

This book picks up where Breathers left off. Andy is being held in an experimental facility. This book is mostly about Andy escaping from that experimental facility and then returning to rescue some friends. In between this he meets a sweet eleven year old girl who mistakes him for the one and only Santa. She wants nothing more than for her mother to spend some time with her once in awhile and Andy is determined to help her out.

This was a fun read but pretty short, it took a little over an hour to read. This is full of the wit and dark humor Browne is known for. It was a very well written and engaging story that was hard to put down.

As with Breathers this is a zombie book with gore, violence, dark humor, and surprisingly some heart as well. Parts of the book are laugh out loud funny and others are disturbingly gory...in between all of this the story is surprisingly touching.

Andy is a loyal and courageous zombie who knows how to live his unlife better than most live humans life their lives. Along the way he reminds a mother of her duty to her daughter and reminds us all of the true meaning of Christmas spirit.

Overall a great read, I really enjoyed it. This is a truly unique, if somewhat disturbing holiday read. Recommended to zombie fans and those who enjoy dark humor. Full review to follow.

[William Bentrim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus by S. G. Browne
My initial reaction to this book was less than stellar. I made an assumption (you can guess where this is going.) that is was going to be roughly in the sheer idiocy category. Well, imagine my surprise when I enjoyed the book. The story is the deprivation of zombies by society and the zombie side of the story.

Andy Warner portrays a poignant, abused figure in this tale of discrimination. I’m not sure black humor aptly describes the book or the plot. Perhaps demented black humor fits the bill a bit better. The story and plot are believable from a zombie point of view. Of course, according to the main character, zombies have very limited points of view.

Surprisingly there is a note of reality in the reaction of society and the benefits that might be derived from some zombie traits. Plus the sentimental aspects of both Andy and bit player Shannon are surprising as well.

The story is both disturbingly funny and touching at the same time. This is a book that should be wildly successful in the thirteen to fifteen age group who revels in the destruction of zombies. The title will attract them while driving away many who would be startled to discover that is a good Christmas tale.

I recommend this book!

[Jason Donnelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andy's back!

If you loved Breathers: A Zombie's Lament, you're going to love this one. It's written with the same fast wit and imagery that we've grown accustomed to with S.G. Browne's work and I couldn't be happier having the chance to read it before the release date on October 30th, 2012.

We start off the story with Andy, in a zombie research facility in Portland, Oregon. He was the leader of a zombie uprising, after which a lot of new zombie laws were put into place. There's a tip of the hat to A Clockwork Orange and the Christmas movies of our past. Unlike Scott's other books, this one doesn't have the traditional love interest, but you still feel warm and fuzzy, don't worry about that!

The best part about this book is that it's truly a Christmas Story. It takes the new view on zombie's that Browne did in the past, puts the Christmas twist on it, and it still holds up. In all reality, when I first heard that he was doing this, I thought it would be a cheesy, if not cheap marketing ploy. He quickly re-affirmed exactly why I enjoy his work so much after I sat down and read the book in one sitting.

It's a quick 200 pages and if you're looking for your fill of zombies, holiday cheer, and some breathers getting what they deserve, Scott's done it again with this one

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun story with surprising heart! I almost gave it 3 stars but the last few chapters really made it better!

[Conny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a First Read Winner of this book and loved it. We find out what it is like to see the world from the perspective of the Zombie, something completely different and fresh. It captured my attention from page one, it had enough gore to satisfy any Zombie fan, but it was also very tenderhearted and sweet. I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and the story line and can't wait to read other works from S.G. Browne. Not your average Christmas Story thats for sure. I highly recommend it.

[Cyndi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Above average outing. Nice to check in with the non-breathers again. I feel the secondary tale is what made this short a good read....

[Cassandra Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

REVIEW ALSO ON: http://bibliomantics.com/2012/10/26/j...

This sequel to Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament (S.G. Browne’s first published novel) is every bit as wonderful- if not more wonderful than its predecessor. I could read a whole series of books set in the Breather‘s universe! Set one year after the first book, I Saw Zombies contains some spoilers to the original including the fate of its main characters. But, if you merely want to read a, “… Holly-jolly- zombie Christmas” story about a girl and her zombie who spreads Christmas cheer you don’t necessarily need to read the first book. But you should.

The novel and the novella are both set in a world where resurrections are a semi-regular occurrence, but beyond researching on the undead and locking them up in pounds, not much structure is in place to deal with them. Having been officially labeled dead by the government, all zombies are stripped of their social security numbers and their rights. They are literally the living dead in the eyes of the world. It’s enough to break your still beating heart.

Main character Andy is the former poster boy for the zombie rights movement, but due to the events of Breathers, he is being held in and quickly escapes from a local research facility. The novella itself opens on a body farm where research for Reanimant Forensics are done on the most unlucky zombies in the bunch. Since Andy has a giant hole in his head, the the narrative pieces together the missing bits of his memories, from his research facility escape all the way through his Christmas antics to how he wound up surrounded by decaying peers. Just another day in the life of the undead.

Inside the research lab, zombies are tested on. They have their mouths sewn shut, have horrible tests performed on them and are basically treated like animals. Not that animals should be treated in such a manner either. Ugh. Don’t worry, there will be a PETA satire that I’ll discuss a little later.

The silver lining is that through reading about these inhumane practices, Browne teaches us a little bit about the zombie science in this alternate US of A. In the lab, researchers are looking into the Resurrection Gene which only a small section of the population has present in them. This gene allows them to regenerate after death and might hold the key to curing disease and reverse the effects of aging. Through the pain of zombie test subjects of course. Worst catch-22 ever. You can be immortal, but we have to torture your resurrected relatives to do so! ARGH!

A new addition in this novella is that POVs are given to characters outside of Andy, and they’re female! In all the other S.G. Browne works I’ve read (Fated, Lucky Bastard, and Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel) this is the first time he’s given us a female narrator. That I can remember- there were a lot of wonderful short stories in Shooting Monkeys and I certainly don’t remember the gender of that shampoo bottle.

Anyway, female narrators. Yes, that’s where I was. Browne gives narrative power to one of the researchers, specifically Shannon, a bald headed lady with a heart of gold and a secret weakness for RC-1854- reanimated corpse 1854 (Andy). It’s through her that we get to learn all about the Resurrection Gene and the attitude by the researchers toward the zombies. The are not people, they are not even their genders. They are its. It’s a testament to Browne’s character building that you learn to care for these characters, they’re not rotting and dismembered its they’re people. Albeit smelly people. Zombies are people too!

The second POV is given to a young girl with a not too cheerful childhood (a dead father, an alcoholic absentee mother) who gets a little Christmas cheer from her new zombie Santa friend. The ways in which they help each other deal with their inner pain will warm your heart. D’awwwww. Just the perfect touch of love you want out of your Christmas reads. Plus brain eating, although these two plot lines don’t necessarily go hand in hand, or brain in mouth.

As with S.G. Browne’s other works, this novella is chock full of satire. First is the appearance of PETZ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies) on obvious play on PETA, who arrives to release the zombies from their cages but don’t actually help them beyond that. Sounds about right, helpful but not necessarily effective. PETA, you have your hearts in the right place but that doesn’t mean you always accomplish anything helpful. What do you plan to do with those 20 rabbits who have been testing lipstick!?!

My favorite parody however would have to be Andy’s rendition of “If I Only Had a Brain”, retitled to the appropriate “If I Only Had Some Brains”.

I could gnaw away the hours
Delightfully devour
Digesting John and Janes
And my mouth I’d be fillin’
While my hands were busy killin’
If I only had some brains

Finally, to indicate the changing zombie sentiment since Andy’s capture we are given a glimpse into the zombie reality television choices available for the masses. When Andy last watched television Dancing With the Undead dominated the airwaves, but things have changed since then. Once he’s returned to the land of the living however, people are entertaining themselves with World’s Wildest Zombie Chases. Ruh-roh. Looks like there needs to be a third book in this series (SURPRISE TRILOGY!) to track Andy’s efforts in reversing zombie animosity again. ::puppy dog eyes::

Less zom-rom-com (zombie-romantic-comedy) than Breathers and more a satire on the animal testing industry and the importance of connections with family (read: the true meaning of Christmas) I Saw Zombies is the perfect addition to your Christmas/Halloween cross-over collection, right next to The Nightmare Before Christmas! It’s a niche market, but one that has double the potential because it can be enjoyed twice a year. Love it.

[Cel Kila · Rating 3 out of 5]

Suite de "Comment j'ai cuisiné mon père, ma mère et retrouvé l'amour", on retrouve dans "Le jour où les zombies ont dévorés le père Noel", Andy, en bien mauvaise posture. (Mais en réalité, est il possible, dans sa condition, d'être autrement qu'en mauvaise posture?) - D'expériences bizarres en missions commandos/sauvetage, notre zombie préféré n'a pas vraiment le temps de s'ennuyer.

*

Pour être franche, j'ai moins aimé ce deuxième opus, moins travaillé à mon sens que le premier. On apprécie toujours Andy mais tout est un peu expédié, tout est trop rapide.
J'ai beaucoup aimé les passages avec un pied dans le réel... et la fameuse rencontre avec une certaine petite fille, beaucoup moins tout le reste.

Il y a toujours cette note d'humour très appréciable, mais si vous ne l'avez pas encore lu, "vous ne pouvez pas comprendre!" ;)

[Horror DNA · Rating 4 out of 5]

Besides beers, I don't think anything else should be seasonal. Christmas albums, sweaters, and books are things I've never dug, until now. With I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus, I broke my own rule of systematically avoiding Christmas themed crap because S.G. Browne is a very funny writer. Satire is not an easy thing to do, and he pulls it off with flying colors on a regular basis. I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus is no different. The humor and zombies I expected are there, but the narrative also has a few surprises that makes it even more enjoyable.

You can read Gabino's full review at Horror DNA by clicking here.

[Tess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could not get into this one, maybe because it's a little too "Hey. Self-deprecating narrator here. Listen to how snarky I am and worship me," or maybe because I was in the mood for a cozy read. Maybe something like Warm Bodies would have done the trick, but when you're in the mood for a cozy read and you open a book to find immediate gross-out descriptions and bodily torture. Anyway, maybe this review says more about where I'm at right now in terms of what kinds of books I can handle than it does about the quality of this book, but that's fine. DNF.

[Patti · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a pretty hard and fast rule about zombies that anyone reading my reviews knows (thanks, you two). They should be slow, stupid and shambling. No sentient zombies.

However, that rule is relaxed when the book is good enough. That usually only happens in zom-coms, you know a zombie comedy book. This is one of those.

The writing was stellar, Andy made me laugh, but the twins were the best. And despite being a zombie, Andy still had some heart. Ha.

A good quick funny read.

[Julia Bodwell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started out a bit heavy on exposition, with a lot more telling than showing. Not sure if the author was trying to give us background from another book in the Breather series or not, but it was a bit of information overload to begin with. Overall, the writing was nothing special but entertaining nonetheless. This was a fun Christmas “horror” read, different from your typical rom-com holiday stories. I’d give it 🧠🧠🧠 out of 5 brains.

[Cate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was weird yet memorable, and I've referred to it more than once in the three weeks since I finished it. The fact that I finished it (in visual form no less!) in one sitting says a lot about it. If you're looking for something "festive" yet not focusing on romance (as most Christmas stories do), this one might just hit the spot. I haven't read the other book(s) in the series and read this as a standalone, but it worked.

[Allie Andrews · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book based on the cover, and for a gift not knowing what it was about. I thought this book was pretty funny! It is Very gory and graphic though, so if you’re not into that, I’d stay away. As that stuff doesn’t bother me I thought it was entertaining! It is a very unique Christmas read I will say that. Hope you’re not squeamish!

[Nadine Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a great follow up to Breathers: a zombie’s lament. I just love these two books. They are a different take on zombies. I love the humanity that they retain. It’s funny, it’s touching. It’s a little gory! These are books that I will definitely read again and again. And I don’t reread books very often so that is saying something!

[Kirsten Reay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been wanting to read this one for a while now and wasn’t disappointed! An entertaining and satirical read, I tore through this one like undead teeth through a Breather’s jugular. Definitely going to be reading more of this author.

[Kristin Boes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Twisted and funny, in the same vein as Christopher Moore, with some fun twists on the zombie "mythology". It's technically a sequel, but it stands on its own pretty well. And the story has enough sweetness to be a Christmas story, but enough sass and verve to keep it from being saccharine.