Love, Dad

by Laurie Steed

A must-read for all new parents, Love, Dad, explores what it means to be a father in the twenty-first century.

The father of two young boys, Laurie reflects on how his own experiences have defined the kind of man he is and the kind of parent he would like to become. His stories – triumphant, funny and sad – draw on Laurie’s own childhood experiences and important relationships with family and mates, alongside the challenges of trauma and mental health shared by many men. This memoir openly shares how Laurie strives to overcome challenges – from breaking generational cycles to maintaining joy in work and parenthood – and how others fresh to parenting can learn from this authentic story of a new dad and his family.

Genres: Memoir

296 pages, Paperback

Published August 1, 2023

About the author

Laurie Steed is the author of You Belong Here, published 2018, and the editor of Shibboleth and other stories, published 2016. His short fiction has been broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and published in Best Australian Stories, Award Winning Australian Writing, The Age, Meanjin, Westerly, Island, and elsewhere. He lives in Perth, Western Australia.

Reviews

[Danniiee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful, insightful and educational book that I enjoyed.

Great work!

[Robin Bower · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a delightful, sensitive, honest and raw memoir by a new dad. These excerpts from a life show the reader what it’s really like to rear two young humans in a challenging world filled with hurt, disappointment and, of course, love. Laurie reveals his innermost feelings of being a vulnerable man, father, son, brother and husband. The honesty is, at times, so poignant, it catches your throat and your heart. A brilliant read - highly recommended.

[Jo Skinner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many books that challenge the patriarchy focus on women’s issues: juggling work and children, gender pay disparity and social expectations about what women in positions of power should wear and how they should behave. The rallying cry of Julia Gillard’s famous misogyny speech delivered in parliament on 9 October 2012 has echoed through the years as a touch point for feminism, an eloquent rage that encapsulates what is wrong with toxic masculinity.

Our expectations of men and how this shapes the patriarchy is a topic rarely discussed and addressing this silence is critical if we are to raise boys who are not afraid to show their vulnerabilities. In his memoir, Love, Dad. Reflections of an Anxious Father, Laurie reveals his own struggles about what it means to be man, and how to be a decent husband and father. As a reader, we glimpse his angst about not being a good provider and not meeting the expectations of others as he juggles his creative life with the necessity of paying the bills.

I know some of my rusted-on beliefs about manhood were challenged as I read about the difficulties Laurie faces. Despite many disappointments and challenges, he stares down social norms to carve out what is best for his own creativity, his family, and his relationships. He is not afraid to give a voice to his failures and vulnerabilities, to shape them into words and commit them to the page to be scrutinised. Writers of every gender will relate to his worries about his work being irrelevant and rejected, his fears about remaining unpublished while simultaneously trying to earn an income and complete his post graduate studies.

While navigating fatherhood, Laurie is selected to do a prestigious overseas writing residency and his inner voice tells him this is his make-or-break opportunity. He spends the time in Bulgaria working hard on being successful. He is careful to dress the part while worrying that this unique opportunity is slipping away. On the final day, despondent about his lack of success, he gives up and dresses in his comfortable jeans and hoodie and finds himself able to connect to others. His poignant thoughts as he flies home will resonate with everyone who has felt anxious of falling short, of not being good enough, rich enough, clever enough, published enough or simply not enough the way they are. Laurie sums it up beautifully, ‘…and it’s this simple truth I hold onto as I fly home: all the moments I missed to be me while I was trying to be perfect.’

Laurie’s book is essential reading for any man anxious about being masculine enough and afraid to discuss his deepest fears with those he loves. I would recommend buying a copy for your father, brother, husband, and any other male in your life who is worried about revealing vulnerabilities. It is only when men recognise their own frailty and failures that toxic masculinity will be relegated to the past. We need young men who reach out and support each other, unafraid to reveal themselves and all their imperfections. It is our flaws and failings that make us loveable, human, and relatable, something Laurie has explored with humour and honesty in his delightful memoir.

[Helen Hagemann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book for my son while in York, WA listening to an author gig with MC Will Yeoman and Laurie Steed (the author). Certainly, the book is about a man's confessions: a revelation of his honest and heartfelt feelings of being very vulnerable, marrying and becoming a father in his thirties. Steed's talk inspired me to buy the book for my son (3 kids later), who I know would share the same anxieties and the heavy responsibility of being the bread winner, ie bringing home the bacon, keeping the wife happy and spending precious time with the children. The book is an insight into the often unknown aspects of being a man in the 21st century. Steed is an author and there is that side of him who just wants to write, but the pressures are more from the family. His father was a doctor for many years in York, Western Australia, so trips ensue back and forth to check on his health as he ages. Steed also has the responsibility of visiting his father while he's in hospital after a serious fall. As a woman, we don't often see this side of men. The ethos has been, men "must be strong", "men don't cry" and "men don't need to confess how hard it is to keep the family happy & functioning".

I really enjoyed the book, it was a quick read and in the process learnt a little more about a man's personal foibles. Certainly, men do feel life's stresses and Steed's book conveys some of the strains: his non-single life, his writing aspirations, constant book promotions and family pressures. The author has revealed so much of himself, at times a wonderful humour, other times raw emotions, his fears and anxieties. And the reader takes away the insight that in no way are his "true confessions" limited or demeaning.

Helen Hagemann (author)

[William Owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, all the local Perth references were very cute and relateable and any Frisbee reference is also appreciated hehe

Examining the struggles of bringing up a child from a male perspective was quite interesting, being a new parent filled with anxieties and it's toll on your mental health and work and purpose, and how your priorities shift.

The women in my bookclub thought it was all quite superficial and generic and not particularly insightful 😂 which says a lot about me, (or most men in general) as while reading this I thought the opposite haha. I have almost never thought about what it would be like to be a father or raise kids so anything contributing any sort of perspective on that is new and insightful to me lol

Men traditionally don't tend to discuss with eachother or bond over their issues and struggles, and I think that stoic, masculine, "just get on with it" attitude does bring about certain types of anxieties and feelings of isolations that typically afflict men, and this book does a good job or painting that picture.

Seeing my sisters grow up playing with baby born and pushing them around in prams and what not kinda highlights to me that I suppose them and many other women have spent a lot of time thinking, playing, exploring, the role of a parent in ways that I haven't.

Reading all this stuff in a contemporary setting in my home town adds an extra layer of relatability, and in some ways it helps reassure me that while it is hard and you will struggle it is not impossible.

Aside from the novel itself, this edition of the book could've had another editor review as there were several repeated sentences and typos throughout.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Where I sometimes struggle to get through memoirs, this way very readable, perhaps because of the author’s experience with writing short stories. Each chapter was a little vignette of an aspect of his life. I enjoyed how the story was anchored in the landscapes of Perth and the songs of his life.

[Kate Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gentle, thoughtful and empathetic musings on being a parent, a child of ageing parents, and a writer. Bravo.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful book. Certainly worth reading.

[trammartin · Rating 3 out of 5]

In "Love, Dad," I found solace and connection as a new, anxious mom. Laurie's open expression of vulnerability as a father reassured me that I'm not alone in this journey of parenting.