Crappy Children's Art

by Maddox

Previously published as I Am Better Than Your Kids.

If you think children are precious little snowflakes who are perfect in every way, think again. If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid's childhood, then you are a sucker.

Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996, can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids, and he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Marvel as Maddox deconstructs an eight-year-old's crayon-drawn family portrait! Laugh uproariously as he judges sub-par Valentines, homemade "gifts" and other areas of elementary-aged underperformance!

Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox's world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world's foremost authority on children's crappy artwork.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor

320 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 16, 2012

About the author

Maddox is a native Utahn and visionary director of The Best Page in the Universe website. Once a lowly programmer for a telemarketing company, he now stands as a specimen of sheer masculinity and chiseled good looks. When he's not writing his own biographies in the third person, he be found writing articles for his website.

Reviews

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is hilarious but difficult to recommend to other people without sounding like a total monster.
Maddox does not pull a single punch, merciless at mocking children for their artistic ineptitude. It's not so much the shock value that gets the laugh as it is the ultra-specific things he criticises them for, as well as the narrative he constructs as to why the kid sucks. He may be using his powers for evil, but there's no denying the man is a master wordsmith with an acid pen.
A word of warning: if you are a person that dislikes coarse language, you will not want to read this book. Heavy language throughout. While I enjoyed the book immensely, I could have done with fewer F-bombs, but that's probably to be expected when the comedy is a little shock-based.
Very funny, though, especially if you have a dark sense of humour.

[Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutality honest and humorous book that looks at children's artistic failures.

[Jackie Munzar · Rating 5 out of 5]

A savagely funny book, that may well be more than a little cruel ( N.B. therein lie the laughs), but is the perfect antidote to any day spent at a kids party listening to fellow parents extolling the virtues of their tiny bright-sparks: "Oh, we're so proud of little Tarquin, he really is a little Michelangelo." pfff! yeah right!

[Amanda The Posh Geek · Rating 4 out of 5]

We have no children, so Paul and I thought it was great! Parents will probably not agree.

[Thomas Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just as funny as any book that belittles the sub par abilities of children.

Great book however some of the images are way to small to see. That hurt my eyes and made me sad. F-

[Kascha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sort of feel guilty giving this all the stars because it's so unbelievably messed up as a book idea but Maddox has been cracking me up to the point of complete hysterics ever since I first visited his website somewhere around the very early '00s and when I finally heard he had books out I jumped at them. If you're familiar with his completely unforgiving and hugely insulting wit already you will love this book because the way he talks about these pictures is beyond the pall. Like what we are probably all thinking at least once when looking at something our kids draw and wondering who left the family so devoid of art talent.

The pictures themselves are of course very funny at times but it really is the combination of those plus the extremely callous critiques that makes this a great table book. And the cover does too. I have yet to have company over that has resisted picking this up and going through it after seeing it on the table for the first time and the immediate reaction is laughter.

[Jennifer Barber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am an elementary art teacher. My friend gave me this book. Just looking at the pictures is hilarious. I laughed until I cried! Unfortunatly, some of the comments by the author are over-the-top rude. A lot of the art his is giving an "F" to is actually very good based on the age of the child. That made me sad so I mostly just looked at the pictures, read what the kids themselves wrote, and disregarded the commentary. It was much funnier that way.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s hard to make me laugh, but laugh I did, cry-laughed, even, at parts. I found this hilarious, but you might be offended, especially if you’re all about participation awards. P.S. I’m a parent. We, too, are capable of humor.

[Hilary · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title says it all.
I expected more humor.
Don't.

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious!!!! 😂😂😂

[mcfly 1982 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Meh

[Barry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent. I expected more, but what can you do. There were about 320 pages in this book. I laughed out loud about 25 times and thought about 55 pages were funny.

[Ethan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes the theory of your kids being perfect and amazing artistes and shows you why you should think twice about putting that fire truck in you scrapbook. Maddox had the ingenues idea to ask some kids draw pictures that corresponds with the topic suck as your hero, creepy clowns, and your favorite superpower. He critiques the kids work like he would to a professional artist. This book is gut busting fun, it had me on the verge of tears for half the book. The only thing this book was laking was more of it! This was the only book i was legit sad it was over. If your looking for a gut busting tears in the eye falling off the chair good time i recommend Crappy Children's Art.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw the author at Comic-Con he was funny and I flipped through the book and the pages that caught my eye were damn funny. In the end there are a few clinkers here and there but for the most part it is a very fun read. If you are touchy-feely or have the "everybody is a winner" attitude then this is definitely not the book for you. If you have a twisted sense of humor like I do then pick this one up.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny, aside from a few instances of gross misogyny. Pretty much on par for Maddox. Don't read the "unintentional Hitler" section on public transit, or everyone will know how horrible a person you are.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very entertaining

The book is funny. I first became familiar of Maddox and his website. I am a fan of the website and this is just more of that.

[kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be the funniest "book" I've ever read.

[Allan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another one joke premise, but also a good one. It's about time these kids were taken to task!

[Douglas Reedy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two words to describe this book - pointless and stupid.