Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends

by Shasta Nelson

This essential go-to guide reveals how women can enhance their lives by creating valuable friendships in today’s busy, mobile world, from nationally recognized friendship expert and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com.

Every woman is searching for a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. Many realize the significant role that an intimate, tightly knit circle of friends plays in creating a more fulfilling life, but with hectic schedules, frequent moves, and life changes, it’s more important than ever for women to establish natural, meaningful friendships that will contribute to their overall wellbeing. 

In Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, Shasta Nelson, friendship expert and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, reveals the most important proven steps, processes, and secrets vital to establishing the five different levels of friendships, or Circles of Connectedness, that women—no matter their age or relationship status—are longing for in today’s stressful and mobile culture. This revolutionary, engaging guide will also benefit women who already feel rooted to fabulous friends, with insightful principles that will help them maintain and enhance their current friendships. 
Full of practical how-to tips, fun activities, guiding questions, and step-by-step instructions, Friendships Don’t Just Happen! highlights several areas of developing lasting friendships, teaching women how Excerpt from Friendships Don't Just Happen :

There is a lie out there that real friendship just happens.

When I was new to San Francisco eight years ago, I remember standing at a café window on Polk Street watching a group of women inside, huddled around a table laughing. Like the puppy dog at the pound, I looked through the glass, wishing someone would pick me to be theirs. I had a phone full of far-flung friends’ phone numbers, but I didn’t yet know anyone I could just sit and laugh with in a café.

It hit me how very hard the friendship process is. I’m an outgoing, socially comfortable woman with a long line of good friendships behind me. And yet I stood there feeling very lonely. And insecure. And exhausted at just the idea of how far I was from that reality.

I knew I couldn’t just walk in there and introduce myself to them. “Hi! You look like fun women, can I join you?” I would have been met with stares of pity. No one wants to seem desperate, even if we are. We don’t have platonic pick-up lines memorized. Flirting for friends seems creepy. Asking for her phone number like we’re going to call her up for a Saturday night date is just plain weird. All the batting of my eyelashes wasn’t going to send the right signals.

And so I turned away from the scene of laughter and walked away.

No, unfortunately, friendships don’t just happen.

We Value Belonging

Friendships may not happen automatically, but what we crave about them sure seems to! We all want to belong—that need to be connected to others is an inherent desire. We live our entire lives trying to fit in, be known, attract acceptance, and experience intimacy. We desperately want to have others care about us. This book is about that hunger. And more pointedly, it is about listening to it and learning how to fulfill it.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Friendship, Psychology, Personal Development, Communication

254 pages, Paperback

First published February 12, 2013

About the author

Shasta Nelson is a keynote speaker, author, and leading expert on friendship and healthy relationships at home and at work.

Filled with scientific data, real-world research, and fascinating case studies, Shasta speaks to our collective loneliness and teaches strategies for us to build the healthiest friendships that will lead to greater happiness and health.

Shasta’s first book "Friendships Don't Just Happen" teaches adults how to make new friends, her second book, ""Frientimacy" teaches adults how to develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with the friends they already have, and her third book "The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time" teaches how to develop positive and supportive relationships at work.

Her Three Relationship Requirements have been featured in her popular TEDx talk and are widely praised for helping break down relationships in ways everyone understands.

Frequently featured in the media as a popular resource on healthy relationships and the increasing epidemic of loneliness, Shasta has been interviewed live on several television shows including Katie Couric’s Katie, Fox Business, The Early Show, The Today Show, and The Steve Harvey Show. She has also been featured in countless national magazines like Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, and Health; and interviewed for prominent newspapers like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times.

Shasta was selected by Facebook to be their media spokesperson and friendship expert for Friends Day 2018.

Reviews

[treehugger · Rating 4 out of 5]

While a great reference chock full of easy to understand principles highlighted with stories and examples, it certainly hasn't made this journey any less awkward. I like that she comes right out and says that we have all of these resources in place for dating - finding dates, putting out a framework of who you are looking for, etc....but why is making friends as a grown up so tough? And, to be completely honest, some of her suggestions are straight up ridiculous - have an "I appreciate you" party, where you sit around and look all these new acquaintances in the eye and say "I appreciate you"...?? No. That's just weird, and insincere, and...well...AWKWARD. C'mon now. Just no.

I've always had very strong bonds with my besties, but they've scattered across the map. Some have just moved to different phases- the friends with multiple kiddos have more time for play dates than friend dates, if they have time at all.

I did my crazy traveling and living elsewhere when I was younger. I've lived abroad, I've spent time in communal living communities in Europe, the UK, and the US. Now that I have so many things tying me to this place where I live, it's time to accept that I almost need to start over - living in a college town as a non-college student is an interesting (and kind of intimidating) proposition. And working with university students, mainly undergrads, has made me feel old and wizened, and tired...I think I'm young, 'til I come to work and spend all day talking to 20 year olds.

I feel like I'm starting from the beginning, trying to figure out how to expand my tribe with people of similar values, goals, interests...but I can't shake the shame and embarrassment and awkwardness of this new adventure in friend-building. It feels like I must seem flawed...otherwise, wouldn't I be spending time with those awesome friends of mine instead of trying to grow and foster brand new friendship seedlings? I have great, amazing, strong, intelligent friends. I love them all dearly. But...

But in a deep and personal way....I seek friends who are growing in the same direction as I am. Friends who want deep, meaningful relationships. Who want to talk about the tough stuff, who want to challenge and be challenged...I feel that Shasta laid a decent framework for how to build up to that in this book, practical advice about how the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who you really connect with (makes sense right? But sounds exhausting!)...but that niggling thought still rankles-shouldn't this just happen? And is the very act of reading about this topic a little awkward? How was it so much easier earlier in life? You know, I never ever ever thought something so basic, so necessary for the human psyche, could be so challenging to cultivate.

This review is a work in progress. And I am clearly feeling a little hostile, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt.

Update: I'm hoping this gets easier. Finding some neat-o mosquito ladies w/ Fleet Feet, which is awesome! AND still holding out hope that some awesome friends who want what I want are just gonna fall outta the sky sometime soon. School year's almost upon us = less free time to put much effort forth in getting stuff started, or keep it goin' = more 'gettin my zen on' and letting anything (or nothing) happen for awhile. Quiet is good, right? RIGHT?!

[Jennifer]

I read the Kindle edition of this book and I was highlighting constantly! It is packed full of friendship wisdom and insight. I wish I had this information when I was younger! It's wonderful to finally know what a friendship is and what it isn't. Now I can't wait to start making some good friends!

[K LF · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everything I'm learning from Shasta Nelson is great! But as an introvert, I think her five circle really describes how extroverts see making friends. I have a hard time "classifying" people that I've never invited to my house or spent one on one time with as Friends - I would consider them more acquaintances.

But what the 5 circles really did was open my eyes up to how extroverts see friendships and how they may consider me (or other introverts) as friends even though we just hang out at a meeting, or know each other by name and chat when we run into each other.

(I think for introverts the 5 circles of friends *starts* at "level 4" in Shastas 5 circles - there are alot of nuances for intoverts in terms of friendship levels once we start having coffee or one on one meetups. Circle 3 still applies but can also be nuanced for an introvert.)

This has definitely opened up my eyes as to how to proceed with extroverts and possibly some of the mixed messages and differing expectations when making friends - especially with people who are extremely friendly, bubbly and who may share personal things right away when you meet them. Which makes some introverts uneasy. : )

I would love to read a friendship book from the perspective of an introvert or have an introvert and extrovert work together on a friendship book!

[Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

After moving cross country 4 times over the last 5 years and being in the post-college world where it isn't as easy to meet people with common interested and see them consistently to build friendship, I've realized friendships certainly 'don't just happen', as the book title says, but that they play a big part my own health and happiness. This book is a good reference book (it sights many great studies and statistics about the role of friendship in our lives), it is a great resource (there are actual step by steps, diagrams, and terminology about finding, developing, and maintaining friendships) and it's all done in the upbeat, inspirational, and honest tone of the author. I recommend reading this book with a pencil in hand, both to highlight but also to jot down notes and ideas. A few items in the book that particularly struck me are:

-We like people who like us: "Sometimes our insecurities get the best of us and we erroneously think we need others to be wowed by us. On the contrary, most people aren't drawn to people they are intimidated by as much as they are drawn to people who seem to care about them." .... "Neuroscience describes a secret that helps make the caring interaction easier for us. Our brains are filled with mirror neurons, which essentially ensure that what we give is the same as what we receive. It's why we yawn when we see someone else yawning, and why we're more likely to get a smile back when we smile at them, and why they're going to like us more when we tell them we like them."
-About not getting stats, but the stories behind the stats: "Do we really care what school she went to or where she grew up or how many siblings she had? .... What brings us together are stories about why she chose that school, what she loved and hated about her hometown and her favorite memories with her sisters when they were growing up."
-Don't put 'make new friends' or 'reconnect with old friends' on your to do list - make the steps much smaller: "Every time you name a step, ask yourself, "What do I need to do before I can do that step. Just to find a business networking association to join we might need to: make a list of options, research them, and visit a few of their events before we decide. But before we can make a list of options we need to: search Google, ask our Facebook friends for suggestions, browse LinkedIn, ask around the office. And in reality, before we do any of those search options, what we actually need to do is set aside an hour of our week to dedicate to our online research."

[Delphine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book, and to be honest, I didn't see it all the way through. On one hand, it has a very good message: as women, we need connection. We need the joy of female friendships and we need the validation of our thoughts and feeling as we push forward in what is still a very male world. What I also loved were the very practical aspects of Friendships Don't Just Happen! Nelson sets out a formula, gives structure to something that we all seem to think will happen naturally. Often it does, but most people will not find their social needs met by just leaving chance to lead. Creating friendships in a fractured world needs purposefulness, and that's what this book sets out.

Now, why I stopped reading: although Nelson acknowledges introversion, and I think that she sincerely tries to cater to introverts, she most definitely is an extrovert and even her voice felt overwhelming to me. I'm extremely introverted and I felt so pressured to reach out more than I would ever be able to handle. Weekly meetings with potential friends - they're lucky if they get a weekly text from me! In the end this book gave me too much stress to keep reading.

Still, I think Nelson is right and I think we'd live in a much happier world if we followed her advice, so I heartily recommend it to anyone who doesn't want to curl up in their own mind as much as I do.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting insights into the science of friendship, how people connect and how our relationships affect us... I wish the author didn't display such enormous biases (such as the automatic assumption that all friends will be of the same sex)

[Charmin · Rating 5 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. CARE:
- We desperately want to have others care about us.

2. KEEPING IN TOUCH:
- We often stay in touch more consistently with acquaintances than we do with the women we consider our real friends.

3. TYPES OF FRIENDS:
- Identifying the different types of friends will also clarify our understanding of what we can expect from them and how we might best move certain people into preferred categories.

4. CONNECTION:
- Evaluate your friendships on the basis of the connection you actually have, not the one you hope to have.

5. REAL-NESS:
- No matter how many people we know, most of us long to have a couple of friends that are really there for us.
- Frientimacy invites us into real-ness.

6. CONSISTENCY:
- Friendships only progress with consistency.

7. LEVELS OF FRIENTIMACY:
curiosity,
exploration,
familiarity,
vulnerability, and
frientimacy.

8. NEED YOU:
- There is something hugely vulnerable and beautiful when we can look at each other and say, “I need you, and here’s how“.

9. EMOTIONAL ENERGY:
- Friendship = consistency + mutuality + sharing + positive emotions.
- Friendship is about two people reading each other‘s emotional energy levels and helping foster positive feelings.

10. LIKE:
- Our role as a new friend is to enjoy each other as much as we can.
- Even in new relationships, it’s important to remember that telling someone that we admire is the way we say, I like you.
- Whenever we judge, we have an invitation to forgive.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well thought out and very informative. I have tagged various places through out the book for quick reference. I also really appreciate all of the research the author put in to the book, and like that I have additional books to gravitate towards for further reading.

[Rachel B · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to say, I was really looking forward to this book, and I was a little disappointed with it. The first half had some good information in it, but it seemed like everything was either 1.) Available on the blog, which means I've already read it, or 2.) taken straight from Rachel Bertsche's book "MWF Seeking BFF" (which I've obviously already read).

I also was a little disturbed by Nelson's perspective of faith. She claims to be a Christian (and was a pastor in the past), but there is a lot of talk about "spirituality" and New-Age energy and such. Though I understand that not everyone reading the book will be a Christian, it seemed strange that she wouldn't just write a more straightforward book (omitting faith as a factor - which could have been done very easily with this type of book), rather than compromising the Christian beliefs she claims to hold (that there is only one way to heaven - faith in Jesus Christ!). For instance, at one point she says, "Ask for wisdom. Whatever name you give your trusted source - God, Universe, Higher Self, Love - invite that wisdom to journey with you, helping you make decisions and leading you to peace." (p. 190)

There was one quote toward the end of the book that I did like, regarding living up to someone else's expectations. Describing 2 Corinthians 5:19-21, Nelson says, "Paul illustrates how the majority of people during Jesus's life trusted their judgments and ability to evaluate Jesus based on his unimpressive looks and unconventional actions, and they got it wrong. He didn't live up to their expectations, or make them feel the way they wanted to, so they blamed him and crucified him. His death is a symbol for a billion Christians around the world to remember how justified they can feel in their judgment yet perhaps still be mistaken." (p. 187)

So overall, it was alright, but I would highly recommend that if you want to read about her thoughts on friendship, just go straight to her blog and save yourself a lot of time by skipping the junk in the book.

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed this book.

Having said that, I must insert a disclaimer here that I don't agree with EVERYTHING in this book, and I'm quite certain I don't agree with all the author's life choices or beliefs. While she professes christianity of some sort, she appears to be a religious pluralist and I am not. I could write a couple paragraphs detailing this disclaimer, but overall I really did get a lot out of the book so I'll leave it to the discerning reader to read carefully on her own if she so chooses.

If you can sort the wheat from the chaff, however, there is lots of very interesting information in this book. My main takeaway was that wherever people fall in your circles of friends, *that's okay*. We need people in all different circles or levels and it's okay if you don't "click" with everyone or have a consistent and vulnerable relationship with every person that you like.

As an analytical person, I especially enjoyed evaluating my friendships, placing my friends in their respective circles, and observing where my circles are strong and where they are lacking. This exercise also helped me to identify some of my own strengths and weaknesses in my friendships and challenged me to be a better and more intentional friend.

I also think this book will appeal to people differently based on their perceived need. One of my friends who read this book with me felt like the author was pushing people to make more friends as she frequently suggested ways a person COULD meet new people and make more friends. I didn't sense the author was saying people *must* have lots of friends, but just that she was offering suggestions for people who feel that need.

I thought the author's writing style was quite engaging and found this an easy read, even as it was packed with lots of thought-provoking information. This is definitely one to read and discuss with a friend--RED CHAIR WORTHY! :)

[Dodie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the first half of the book. It gets you to look at the different types of friends you have. In doing that it helps to see where you get stuck when it comes to having deeper friendships. The problem with this book is I find it rambles on and on. I feel the book is way too long and needs to be reeled in.

[Laura Glass · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book!! It took a while to read because it was so full of stuff I really needed to hear. My life and friendships will be all the better thanks to this!!

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is a summary of what the book is about. This essential go- to guide reveals how women can enhance their lives by creating valuable friendships in today's busy mobile world, from nationally recognized friendship expert and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com.

Every woman is searching for a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. Many realize the significant role that an intimate, tightly knit circle of friends plays in creating a more fulfilling life, but with hectic schedules,frequent moves, and life changes, it's more important than ever for women to establish natural, meaningful friendships that will contribute to their overall wellbeing.

In Friendships Don't Just Happen!, Shasta Nelson, friendship expert and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, reveals the most important proven steps, processes, and sercrets vital to establishing the five different levels of friendships, or Circles of Connectedness, that women- no matter their age or relationship status- are longing for in today's stressful and mobile culture. This revolutionary, engaging guide will also benefit women who already feel rooted to fabulous friends, with insightful principles that will help them maintain and enhance their current friendships.

Full of practical how- to tips, fun activities, guiding questions,and step-by-step instructions, Friendships Don't Just Happen! highlights several areas of developing lasting friendships, teaching women how to:

. Evaluate their current circle of friends

. Recognize what types of friends they are seeking based on career, interests, location, and relationship status

, Create a prioritized friendship action plan

. Find extraordinary friends- where to look and how to approach them

. Take initiative to jumpstart friendships and face fears of rejection

. Establish "frientimacy," trust, and happiness through conversation and activities

. Maintain meaningful friendships and determine which ones are worthwhile

I have belonged to the website www.GirlFriendCircles.com for a long time. It is a great site.

I found this book to be very interesting. I thought it had a lot of good tips about meeting people and making friendships last. I believe every woman should read this book and join the site. I can't wait to read the next book by Shasta Nelson.

[athenaowl · Rating 4 out of 5]

People and friendships of varying degrees drive me. I need to share, laugh, and discuss with other women. Without friendships I would wither up and slowly die.

Shasta Nelson has friends. She has shown herself friendly and has passed on what she has learned to the rest of us in this book.

Using a picture of friendship circles, the book navigates us through the varying levels of friendship connectedness and intimacy.
1. Contact 2. Common. 3. Confirmed
4. Community. 5. Committed

The key to feeling fulfilled in our friendships is to have a balance of friends in each level of connectedness circles. With unbalance in these defining levels we are quick to feel lonely.

Upon evaluation of our own unique friendship circles, the author calls us to action to do the work involved in making friends and keeping friends for a life time.

A must-read book for any woman who feels a discontent at any level with the friendships or lack of friendships in her life.

[Daniela Beall · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me the 5 circles of friendship framework helped me think about my relationships. It helped me identify why I was feeling disconnected, gave me a better appreciation for the different types of friendships that I experience, and a better approach for expanding and enriching my friendship circles.

While reading the book, I did not think it was necessary to draw a distinction between female and male friends, I found the advice and framework worked equally well when I thought about my friendships with people of any gender.

While this book is certainly a marketing tool for the author’s friendship circles business, I would recommend it as a quick read (and take recommendations with a grain of salt)

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read Shasta Nelson's two books quickly after hearing a good podcast featuring her. I recommend reading the first book (Friendships Don't Just Happen) for some good ideas and insights, but not the second unless the intimacy gaps she writes about in her first book are something you want to dive deeper on.

[CharityJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read MWF Seeking BFF and really liked it so I thought I'd give this a try thinking it'd be similar. It's not. There's nothing new here. I did like her concept of a continuum of friends which could be helpful to keep in mind when evaluating friendships. Bottom line-read MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche instead.

[Brittiny · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok. Half of her advice was enlightening, but the other half was obvious. The annoying thing is how much she talked about her divorce like she is the first person to ever get a divorce. She mentions it about half a million times and seems to be the only "hardship" she draws on. Hard to read a life-coach style of a book by someone who has led a mostly pampered life.

[Greta · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lots of categories and checklists. Not very thoughtful overall. The idea that making and keeping friends is an active pursuit, not something that just happens, is probably the most valuable (only?) insight this book has to offer.

[Elyse · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new

The writing isn’t bad. It’s easy to understand and digest but it’s not original. There is nothing new in this book. You could google “how to make new friends” and find the same tips. Not a fan.

[Jennifer Louden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super useful guide to finding and making friends!!

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was some good info here and it helped me rethink some of my friendships (in a good way) but it was also a big of a slog to get through.

[Kenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't age that well.

[Sindhu · Rating 5 out of 5]

As many social distancing restrictions eased around the world, I challenged myself to courageously step outside my now too-stifling Covid-19 bubble and meaningfully connect (and in some cases, reconnect) with others IRL, with the goal of creating new friendships and actively engaging in communities of like-minded people.

A preliminary Google search on experts on friendship led me to Shasta Nelson.

Nelson is the globally recognized CEO of GirlfriendsCircles.com, an online community that connects locals via in-person events across the United States.

Intrigued by her professional experience and enthusiasm for cultivating and enhancing female friendships, I read Friendships Don't Just Happen!, Nelson's first book on the mystifying subject.

You will not find any discussions on "toxic" or "bad" friendship behaviour in this book, popular topics that are critically examined in hundreds if not thousands of articles and blog posts online. Instead, Nelson champions forgiveness and compassion in addition to honest communication and boundary-setting as core practices to overcome the multitude of barriers to connection that inevitably show up in platonic relationships.

Friendships Don't Just Happen! is organized into three parts. Part I provides readers with a framework to evaluate their current friendships and determine which types of friendships are lacking in their social life. Part II offers strategies on how to meet people who have the potential to become new friends and helpful advice on how to maintain friendships over time. Finally, Part III navigates readers through the Five Friendship Threats identified by Nelson and concludes with how to put the teachings of Friendships Don't Just Happen! into action.

Nelson's value of female friendships is felt immediately though the pages. This book is an inspirational read filled with concrete advice which can be utilized in the real world. Three of my favourite insights from Friendships Don't Just Happen! include:

1. The importance of repeated contact and the willingness to be vulnerable in building strong friendships.
2. In a relationship, it is not uncommon for two individuals to express support and affection in dissimilar ways. Therefore, it is better to respect and appreciate this difference in conveying love rather than have it a cause for resentment.
3. There is an innate risk and great effort that comes with creating and maintaining friendships, such as practicing forgiveness when disappointments or hurt arise.

The encouraging tips and actionable strategies Nelson reveals in Friendships Don't Just Happen! is a motivational call to prioritize friendships and make them a meaningful part of one's life.

[Carrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was recommended this book because I had read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and felt that it was too male centric and business oriented for what I was looking for.

This book on the other hand is definitely for women, and definitely about forming connections.
It had some valuable information and tips, especially in the earlier chapters.

But unfortunately, it really reads as though the author wanted to make the book longer without actually having any reason to do so. She rambles on and on, often repeating the same thing multiple times as though her readers are toddlers. I heard that she did a Ted talk, and that doesn’t surprised me. This book should have been Ted talk.

I also found it frustrating how much religion is forced into this book. It seems like she *tries* to be inclusive by very briefly mentioning Buddhism, but constant references to Christian ideology and even including prayers in the book felt very alienating to someone who wasn’t looking for a religion based text

She also talks about her divorce CONSTANTLY. It honestly makes me wonder if that’s the only challenge that she’s ever faced, and makes it way less relatable.

Also promoting her website frequently became very irritating.

It wasn’t a worthless read but it could have been worlds better if 85% of the unnecessary ramblings, promotions, and religious beliefs were cut out.

[H. Givens · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into this just to give it a skim and maybe pick up a few tips, but actually it was great and I'm planning to re-read it in full. It's got concrete, meaningful advice. The lists and steps make sense of a complicated topic, rather than being reductive or cutesy. There are tips both basic and creative, and Nelson understands not only the difficulties of circulating and meeting new people, but also how hard and intense it can be when you've had a friend for some time. She has advice for introverts and extroverts. She doesn't reject technology. There is a basic assumption that this is for straight women who will be friends with other women, but the advice itself is generally applicable no matter what. (I'm a bisexual woman, so yeah... But every relationship has its own dynamics and issues so the advice is still perfectly good.) She has occasional references to Christianity/loose religion, such as a few suggestions for prayers, but I didn't find them prescriptive or judgmental, and the ones I saw were in their own subheadings so easily skippable.

[Leanne Hunt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and found it incredibly motivational. It gave me insight into why female friendships are so valuable and a way of thinking about the different kinds of friends one needs in one's life. It also convicted me about letting certain good friendships lapse and inspired me to get in touch with special people whom I'm not spoken to in years.
The book is especially relevant in the age of social media. The author points out that, until about twenty years ago, friendships used to be institution-based, meaning that people generally formed their friendship circle within a church, club or small town. Back then, friendships did seem to just happen automatically, but they now have to be intentionally created, developed and maintained.
I recommend this book for anyone who is finding that her friendship group has shrunk, and especially the woman whose children have left home, leaving her with more time and less activities. Friendship cultivation at this stage of life is an investment in the future and, apparently, one of the best things you can do to stay healthy.

[Gracin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved every word of this book. I feel like the suggestions and insight are useful in every single one of my relationships, not just friendships. My favorite thing was her examples in every chapter. She didn't just say, "Stop feeling jealous." She also gave some examples of things that would fall into that category that I wouldn't have thought of. And when she talked about communicating our needs, she gave examples of how you might say various things. This was SUPER helpful to me!

My complaint is that she pushed her website, girlfriendcircles.com, a bit too much. When I finally went to look into it, it turned out to be expensive world travel trips for women. I wish it had been something more like Meetup with local events.

But overall, I found this very insightful in re-setting my expectations and understanding how we all interact a little better. I'm putting this on a repeat reminder to re-read every few years because I'm sure I only absorbed a small portion of the goodness.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to a video of a TEDtalk by Shasta Nelson, which is how I learned that she wrote books on the subject of female friendship.

Overall, I found the majority of the suggestions and info practical, applicable, and encouraging. She sometimes sounds too New Agey for my preference, but I can filter that out.

Mostly I just appreciate having some good tips on how to meet new friends and encourage friendships to become deeper - and the reason it feels easier to be friends with people at work than those it takes more effort to see.

It's super applicable to me, being in a new city and all, but I'd say a lot of people could benefit from knowing how to find and forge some more friendships.

And honestly it's written in a way that most of the time you can just flip to the chapter you think is what you need to read, though I didnt.

[Rosie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very thought provoking book. After reading portions of this book, you may find yourself saying, "Say what?!", "Me?", "Really?", "Seriously?". Like I said...very thought provoking. Men should read this book as well. Society gears men towards romance/sex, sports, finance, being a provider...what they truly, really need, are deep friendships. Men don't need to let anyone know, or admit to, reading this book. They just need to read it. It really opened my eyes & made me take a deeper look into myself. A place that I didn't really want to go...but had to. It was worth the look, thanks to this book & Shasta Nelson. 😊