What a Difference a Mom Makes (Library Edition): The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life

by Kevin Leman

Boys will be boys--always.And no one has a more powerful impact on them than you, Mom. Surprise! Your boy wants to please you, and he cares deeply about what you think. Those driving needs will stay with him throughout his lifetime. That gives you, Mom, a lot of influence over your son. You can set him up for success in life. In What a Difference a Mom Makes, the New York Times bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman reveals how you can make a positive imprint on your son--from the moment you first hold him in your arms until the moment he leaves for college. And the best news? It's never too late to start, no matter what age your son is now. Through Dr. Leman's expert advice, you'll understand who your son is on the inside, the truth behind sibling squabbles (and how to handle them), a secret for discipline that works every time, and how to navigate the critical teen years. You'll also discover how your parenting style impacts your relationship with your son and how you can respond in a healthy way to his growing interest in sex and relationships. Want to capture your boy's heart? Want a man you'll be proud to call your son? You can make a difference, because you are the one who matters most in your boy's world.Even if he won't admit it.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Audiobook, Adult, Self Help, Psychology

Audio CD

First published September 1, 2012

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[Sarah Brewer · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is dripping with presumption and contradictions. I'm really surprised that it was published in 2012. Many of the ideas, even the writing style, seem patronizing and condescending. Many of the author's ideas are based not on research, but on his own anecdotal experiences with his mother. It is so patronizing to extend this and assume this is how it is for everyone. The contradictions are insufferable..."be a martyr...but take care of yourself...let him get away with murder because he can do no wrong in your eyes...but be firm with discipline..." I couldn't bring myself to get through this book, and would not recommend it.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of all the people in the world, you, Mom,
make the biggest difference in your son's world.
- Dr. Kevin Leman

I am always looking for books geared towards moms of boys. With 3 sons of my own, I am always wanting to learn more about mothering my boys and was so glad to find What a Difference a Mom Makes by Dr. Kevin Leman.

In this book he shares valuable insight and advice on the stages of boys from babyhood to college. He talks about topics from discipline to sexuality and how to navigate the changes in the relationship between mother and son along the way.

My favorite part of the book is when Dr. Leman shares
what our boys need most from us as moms.

He needs to be respected.
He needs to be needed.
He needs to be fulfilled as a man.

[Laurie DelaCruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a joy to read, from start to finish. I love reading books that challenge me to search myself and look for areas I can improve in, and this book did that in spades! This is not written for the Christian audience, although the author is a Christian. So some methods/responses are not what I would employ in my home, but the overall concept of the book was incredibly helpful to me. Definitely worth a read if you are a mom to a boy!

[Lara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sooooooo, my mother-in-law's best friend gave me this book, which was super thoughtful of her, but...wow, I can't do it. There is actually some decent advice in here, but it's also very steeped in stereotypes, and the way it's written is so obnoxious and condescending and presumptuous and gross to me, starting with the introduction:

"You've always dreamed of having that precious little daughter--one who is a little replica of you. You dream of the close relationship you'll have as mother and daughter, watching her taking her first step, buying her first tutu for her ballet recital, arranging her hair for her first date... (Nope, never really dreamed of having kids for the vast majority of my life, and the times I did think about it, I definitely imagined a boy, and I definitely, definitely never wanted a little replica of myself--ew! And ALSO, ballet and hair arranging, yay, these are clearly the best girl things!)

"And then you show up at the doctor's office for your sonogram. (Again, nope! Not every mom does this.)

"'What's that?' you say, pointing at a little something you can't quite place on the blurry black-and-white image.

"And the doc says, 'That's a penis.' (I have never been able to even discern a baby in sonogram images, how on earth would I manage to spot a penis?)

"You frown, not understanding. 'My daughter's got a penis?' (WHY IS HE MAKING ME SOUND LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT???)"

This is how the book begins, and by the end of the first page in the book I already wanted to throw it out the window. I did force myself to read a little farther, and have flipped around among later chapters to see if maybe once he's past the intro stuff it gets a little less annoying, but sadly it does not.

As I said earlier, there are some good pointers, although almost all of the ones I'm thinking of (don't let your child get away with murder, don't tell your kids that talking about sex or their sexual organs is bad and should not be done, don't let your emotions get the better of you when dealing with your kid's misbehavior) really apply to any child, not just boys.

And on the other hand, he comes down pretty darn heavily on the side of women should be stay at home moms, and does so in the most patronizing way.

I still want to throw this book out the window.

[Jeff Bobin · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a pastor, father, stepfather and husband I bought this book to see if I could learn how to make a difference in the lives of those that are a mom in the course of my family life and ministry.

Once again, Kevin Leman, has hit the nail right on the head!

Be aware that you will be challenged to look at the role of being a mom in a new and meaningful way. Every day I watch the impact of women on their sons and continue to be amazed at how unaware they are of their impact on one another.

I think every mother from the day their son is born dream of what it will be like one day to see them as a man. What they often don’t realize is the tremendous impact they have on the kind of man their son will be one day. Leman does a great job of outlining the impact that mothers have on their sons at the different stages of life.

If you are wondering what you could do right now to shape a son into a man of your future daughter-in-laws dreams then there is something here for you. The mother plays a major role in shaping how her son treats others including their future wife, daughters, and other women in his life.
As a pastor I found this book very informative as a resource in working with mom’s and they challenges they face on a day to day basis. I also found it helpful in working with men on the impact their mother has on them including the relationship they have with their wife.

A great investment for your library!

[Ebtesam · Rating 4 out of 5]

في البداية؛ ستشعرين بالإتهام!
سيأتي الكتاب ليحملك ما يحمله فوق رأسك الجميع! أنت من تصنعين إبنك، كل ما نراه منه هو فعلك أنت! ستظهرين دفاعاتك، ثم مع الوقت ستدركين أن الكاتب يتكلم من منطقة المسئولية و ليس الإتهام، ستدركين فرق الثقافة التي يتحدث منها الكاتب فينفتح عقلك على المعلومات المهمة..
الكتاب مركز و جميل يحمل إرشادات مهمة لكل أم تحاول النجاح في تربية ابنها (رجل المستقبل).
يحملنا المسئولية نعم، و لكنه في النهاية يوضح إنها مسئولية الدور ليس إلا، أنت أم فقط ف لا تحاولين أن تكوني أم و أب، و إن لم يكن هناك نموذج رجل جيد في حياته ف استغنى عنه، ف غياب النموذج الرجالي الجيد أفضل كثيراً من وجود نموذج سىء.
كوني قوية و معتزة بذاتك و لا تقبلي الإهانة، لتصنعي رجلاً يحترم كل النساء.

أخيراً؛ أنا مكنتش هاقدر أكمل الكتاب لولا الترجمة السهلة المميزة الواضحة.
أهم سبب ف كوني مش بقرأ غير روايات هو قلة تركيزي، الأحداث فقط اللى بتخليني مركزة، لذلك أى نوع كتب تاني و خصوصاً نوعية الكتب دي بتفقدني تركيزي من أول صفحتين.
ف شكراً للمترجمة بجد، لولاها مكنتش هاقدر أكمل قراءة الكتاب و استفاد منه كمان.
ينصح بالكتاب طبعاً لأمهات الذكور و ربنا يعينكم

[Jessica Danuser · Rating 3 out of 5]

“They don’t need stuff, they need you, Mom. Your time. Your love. Your respect. Your listening ear. Your comfort. Your wisdom.”

I’ve been dreaming and praying for my son to grow into a good man since he was in my womb. I can see the kind of father, husband, leader, and person that I want him to be. The practical advice in this book will help me be the person that he needs on the path to growing into that man.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a Christian, I was interested by his ideas, opinions and insight about specific issues relating to rearing boys, as the author is also a Christian. The author relied heavily on anecdotes and situations in the lives of his patients at his personal psychological practice and in his own family. While the book definitely has value, I personally would have appreciated a more researched and documented book with hard proven facts from research studies instead of opinions based simply on his thoughts and Life Experiences...thus the 3 star rating. There is definitely good advice found within the book, but a son may not fit into his sometimes black and white categories.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leman's Top 10 to being an Awesome Mom
10. Remember, he's a boy, not a girl.
9. Even though he's adorable, hold him accountable.
8. Pay more attention to his heart than his looks.
7. How you handle his failures is more important than how you handle his victories.
6. Don't treat him the same as his brother.
5. He'll only be weird for about 15 years.
4. He is the wavy line. You be consistent.
3. Start with the end in mind. Who do you want him to become?
2. You don't get to relive moments. Make every day count.
1. You can't do it all. But what you do do will make a lasting impression on your son.

[Tracy Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good info. Highly recommend

[Yenith LianTy · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a single mom, I wish I had read this book before I had my son. This is a must for all types of moms. Very thought provoking and helpful.

[Khawla Alketbi · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب الفارق الذي تصنعه الأم يقدّم رؤية عميقة ومباشرة عن الدور المحوري للأم في تشكيل شخصية أبنائها، ليس فقط في طفولتهم، بل في مستقبلهم وحياتهم ككل. كيفن ليمان يشرح بأسلوب عملي وسهل كيف أن كلمات الأم، نظرتها، وطريقة تعاملها اليومية يمكن أن تزرع الثقة أو الشك، الدافعية أو الإحباط، القوة أو الضعف في نفس الطفل.

✨ أبرز الأفكار:
1. كلماتك تصنع هوية ابنك: الطفل يرى نفسه كما ترينه أنتِ. المدح البنّاء والتشجيع ينعكس على سلوكه ونظرته لذاته.
2. البيت هو مصدر الأمان: إذا شعر الطفل بالقبول غير المشروط في منزله، سيكون أكثر قدرة على مواجهة تحديات المدرسة، الأصدقاء، وضغوط الحياة.
3. القدوة أهم من الأوامر: الطفل يتعلم مما تفعلينه أكثر مما تقولينه.
4. الانضباط مع الحب: الحدود الواضحة والحنان المتوازن يصنعان طفلًا مسؤولًا وواثقًا.
5. العلاقة المستمرة: تربية الطفل لا تنتهي عند عمر معيّن، بل هي علاقة مستمرة تتأثر بالتفاصيل اليومية الصغيرة.

أسلوب الكتاب:

الكتاب مكتوب بلغة عملية، مليئة بالأمثلة الواقعية، كأنك تسمعين أب يتحدث من قلب التجربة، وليس مجرد تنظير أكاديمي. كيفن ليمان يوازن بين الحزم والدفء، ويخاطب القارئة (الأم) مباشرة بأسلوب صريح لكنه مشجع.

لمن أنصح به؟
• كل أم لديها أطفال صغار أو مراهقين.
• لكل من تشعر أحيانًا بالذنب أو الحيرة في التربية وتحتاج توجيه عملي.
• للأمهات اللواتي يرغبن بفهم الأثر العميق لعلاقتهم مع أبنائهم على المدى الطويل

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read Kevin Leman's The Birth Order Book when doing research for school a long time ago. I really gained a lot of insight about myself and others around me from that book. So when I was gifted this one, I was excited to read it, now as a mom of 4 sons. It isn't maybe as deep as I anticipated, but I gained some insigth that I had never thought about before. It's hard being a mom and feels like a lot of pressure to be the one to teach 4 boys how to relate to females and how to treat a wife one day. This was a super easy and fast-paced read that I enjoyed, and it got me thinking. The book talks about birth order, different ages and stages, discipline strategies, parent background influences, the importance of feminiity in a boy's life, etc.

"When you understand your child's birth order and any variables that have affected it, as well as your own birth order and parenting style, you're way ahead of the game and the majority of parents, who can sometimes be clueless (even if they do have PhD's behind their names)."

I would give it 3.5 stars.

[Hana · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب : الفارق الذي تصنعه الأم
الكاتب:كيفن ليمان
ترجمة : رولا عادل رشوان
دار نشر: عصير الكتب
عدد صفحات: ١٩١

الدكتور كيفن ليمان عالم نفس امريكي ذاع صيته حول العالم ورجل معروف بحس دعابته.
عندما بدأت بقراءة الكتاب توقعت أن يكون محتواه عن الفارق الذي تصنعه الأم في حياة أبناءها ذكورا وإناثا. لكن مفاجأة !! كان الكتاب عن الفارق الذي تصنعه الأم في حياة ابنها .
وكالعادة هرعت الى خانة البحث في جوجل لأبحث عن (الفارق الذي يصنعه الأب في حياة ابنته) فوجدته للكاتب كيفت ليمان أيضا لكنه سيترجم قريبا .
طبعا الكتاب أمدني بأفكار تربوية جديدة ومطمئنة لم تكن لتخطر ببالي كأمثلة على ذلك:
ـ ابنك سيحاول دائما ارضاءك وستظل حاجته الى نيل رضاك تقوده أبدا حتى نهاية الحياة.
ـالذكور لا يملكون شخصية مليئة بالتفاصيل لكن قلوبهم رقيقة ويمكن أن تتأذى بسهولة.
- ترتيب طفلك بين إخوته في العائلة يؤثر في سمات شخصيته. وترتيبك بين إخوتك في عائلتك يؤثر في طريقة تربيتك له فيؤثر في شخصيته أيضا.
يتطرق الكاتب لكل مراحل الابن من بداية تغيير الحفاض الأول الى اللحظة التي يغادر فيها الالتحاق بالجامعة..

[Karen Ng · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed Dr Leman's The Birth Order Book, and used it to understand my three children and even to space them for to their best advantage in life. Yes, my kids are 4 years apart and each is pretty much his/ her own first born. While I was looking to buy a used copy of the Birth Order Book since I accidentally gave mine away, I stumbled upon this book. I wish I had read this when my boys were little. I was basically raising my kids along are deeply worried- about not being able to raise a good man since I'm a woman and I grew up with girls.However, my two boys turned out amazing, so I highly recommend this book. You, the mom, is the most important person in your son's life, Dr. Leman believes.
If you are raising boys, with or without the help of a man, read this book. It's full of great advices. You won't be sorry.

[Crystalvuletichotmail.com · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a mom of boys this book is a must read. It covers all ages and really gives helpful insight. There were many things I was already naturally doing and saying to my 7 year old son but then this book took it a step closer. I always tell him how good he is...this book told me to tell him why. So now when he just cleans up without me prompting I tell him I appreciate it and I point out all of the positive things that he is doing. Since reading this book, even at his young age, he opens doors and has started helping with bringing in the groceries. I will definitely reread this over the years to stay up to date with ways to communicate with him. It was an eye opener. He is a great kid but this book just really helped me take that extra step to being a more aware mom.

[Valerie's Reading Nook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have had this book sitting on my shelf for a very long time. I wanted to read it but felt I was too late as my son is now an adult, but I picked it up recently so that I could move it along to a family member.

I loved this book. I really wish I had read it years ago. A few years ago I had read "The Birth Order Book" by the same author, and enjoyed it, so I should have known better and just picked this one up sooner.

Any mother of a son knows that you have a special relationship with your boy. This book helps allay any fears or worries that you may have raising your son. The stories made me laugh and some of the explanations brought tears to my eyes. I highly recommend reading this book, even if you are just trying to understand the man in your life; brother, husband or son.

[Yuliia Mamonova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read and interesting book. Can't say I got some specific insights, but not being a man myself, it was helpful to see how they think and how I am supposed to convey my thoughts to make them clear for a boy.
A few highlights from the book:
1. Don't "put a skirt" on a boy.
2. Always show him that you believe in him.
3. Keep him accountable for his actions.
4. Love and discipline come together: one cannot happen without the other.
5. Use the principle "B won't happen, until A is done."
6. Teach him how to treat a girl. After all, you are the girl he will be around in the first years of his life.
7. Be there for him. Your son is only small once.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

It Matters

I needed a refreshing as mom. My teen son and his younger brother really wear me down. I know I need to change, fresh perspective. This was just that. What it means to be momma bear to my boys. What they need and what matters most for them and for me. I feel like I have a new plan,a better way to begin again. Love his candor as he writes, the shared testimonies, the clear and gentle truth. What we do does matter. Press on.

[Shannon Enloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This is an amazing book! It taught me many new things and ideas I hadn’t heard before. The idea of birth order and roles that plays in children and behaviors. From childhood through life! It helped me better understand myself and my children and I know I will be a better mother for having read it. I will definitely be recommending this read to friends. Super good read and so informative on all aspects!

[Raya Hasan · Rating 3 out of 5]

الفارق الذي تصنعه الأم

لقد أودع الله في قلوب الامهات سر عظيم لفهم و حب أطفالهم .. كمعجزة انه أودع أطفالهن في اجسادهن ولكن مع الضغوطات و التشتت الذي تعانيه الامهات فلا بد من توجيه لطيف و التذكير لدور الأم الاستثنائي في حياة أطفالها فكان هذا الكتاب ذلك التوجيه اللطيف
أعجبني طرح موضوع الأثر السلبي لحماية الطفل من عواقب تصرفاته .. وتمهيده لفكرة لا مانع من تحمل نتيجة الأخطاء الصغيرة ليكون مستعد لتحمل مسوولية حياته

افكار لطيفة لخلافات الأخوان التي ليس لها نهاية

[Chesley Nichols · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was given to me on the day of my son’s baby dedication at church. While there is some good in here, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. This was written in 2012 and honestly feels like it was written at least a decade before that. A lot of the concepts are dated or short-sighted.

Again that’s not to say that this was a useless read. There’s plenty here that is usable. I just would maybe get the Sparknotes version and then read a different parenting book instead.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to a Broadcast on FOF and ordered this book, as well as the one for dads. I just finished mine yesterday and boy did it open my eyes. My son is 11, almost 12 and in some ways I feel like I have failed him. I needed something to help me help him and I am so glad I purchased this book. So much excellent advise!

[Valerie Gordon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. As a mother of an adult son I learned so much. A couple of the messages made me tear up. Not only did I reflect on my relationship with my son, it also explained a lot about me as a mother, and the my husband and my brother.

I highly recommend this book if you want to understand the influence a mom has over the boys in her life.

[Angeli Child · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have almost raised five sons and one daughter and appreciate how important the relationship between a mom and her sons is. I didn’t agree with all of his ideas but did agree that it it’s important to build a strong relationship and have appropriate boundaries. I also felt the reminder of how fast time flies raising children and what a precious gift it is to be a mom!

[Jenae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good info but a lot of it was similar to other books I’ve read by Dr. Leman. Some chapters were helpful and others I skimmed. I would suggest Keeping the Good in Your Boy by Dannah Gresh as a much better alternative for moms of tween boys.

[Meghan Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started off very insightful but then detoured a bit in mind and then got pretty repetitive. Definitely some pearls in there but seems like he just copied one of his other books and added a little bit about sons and moms.

[Jess Roever · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It rang true with me as I am in the beginning stages of mothering a boy. It gave me confidence for now, some pointers, and hope for the future, which are the main things I look for in a self-help book.

[Alyssa Easton · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't believe this was written in 2012. It's so horribly traditional and conservative. The authors opinions that men should always be the old school extreme masculine are outdated. Reviewing more about this author and other things he has read I regret wasting my time on this read.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sweet book written by a 60-something year old male psychologist talking about moms and their sons as well as his own mom. It has some Christian undertones in some places, and if you don’t mind that, I think it is a good read.