Real Vampires Know Hips Happen

Real Vampires #9

by Gerry Bartlett

Even though full-figured vampire Glory St. Clair knows a kilt won’t do her hips any favors, she’s willing to travel to Scotland and beyond for Jeremiah Campbell, her hunky on-again, off-again lover. Glory is thrilled when their reunion is a welcome one—until an attack leaves Jerry with amnesia, unable to remember their centuries together.

While Jerry doesn’t remember Glory, he’s more than willing to take what she freely offers—her ancient blood and her generous body. But when she tries to get him to travel to the New World in a flying machine, he thinks she’s cracked, especially since she wants him to work with his ancient rival to get his memory back.

With her lover stuck in the past and an unknown enemy plotting against them, Glory isn’t sure where to turn. But when Jerry puts his life on the line to save her, Glory knows the man she loves is still there—and she’ll do anything to get him back…

Genres: Vampires, Paranormal, Paranormal Romance, Romance, Fiction, Chick Lit, Fantasy

336 pages, Paperback

First published March 5, 2013

About the author

Gerry Bartlett figures that vampires are pretty much like everyone else except for the liquid diet.

Eternity or Mexican food? Tough call.

Gerry’s a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston. Pictured with her is her late wonder dog, a Bedlington Terrier named Belle.

When she started writing, she was still teaching and used the pseudonym Lynn McKay. You can probably still find her historical and two romantic suspense books for a penny on-line. Now that she’s no longer in the classroom and discovered the fun of writing about vampires, she uses her real name. Too bad some people think Gerry is a boy's name or short for Geraldine. No, it's not. Really.

She's still writing her Real Vampires series but is back to romantic suspense and contemporaries. Her Texas Heat series starts in Houston, her home town. Then there's her Lone Star Suspense series set in Austin where she went to the University of Texas. She loves the hill country there and brought some of her favorite characters from the Texas Heat series to Austin for the fast-paced suspense in the three books in that series.

You can check out Gerry’s website at gerrybartlett.com to find her blog and articles for writers. Her Perils of Publishing gives the scoop on what happens once "the call" comes. Oh, did you think it would be all roses and champagne? Well, of course it is.

When Gerry's not writing, she's treasure hunting for her antiques business in Alvin. Her favorite finds? Vintage purses and jewelry. It's a struggle not to keep it all. Be sure to sign up for her newsletter for the latest info about her books at http://ymlp.com/xgeyeewwgmgw

Reviews

[Yodamom · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5
- Ancient being takes away memories, brings on the fire and tears.
Glory finally meets her mother and she isn't exactly mom of the century. She causes trouble and mayhem all with a not so hidden agenda. She wants Glory by her side and does not want her to be a vile vampire. Blade gets a jolt of "forget all about Glory" and boy does it get worse than that. Let's just say things get very hot for our boy Blade. Glory gets stuck with an enemy, her past is nipping at her heals, and she still holds onto some pretty dangerous secrets. Blade comes out with one huge secret that carries over into the next book- cliffhanger
I enjoyed this story, not as much as previous books. I just didn't care for the new character, or the conditions her mother set. It seemed a little silly.

[Darcy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I used to look forward to these books, they were funny, but then Penny showed up and they went downhill. The last one was a bit better, but this one is back to going downhill. I find myself getting tired of Glory and why she feels like she isn't as good as those around her. Part of me understands why, Jeremy's family has always made her feel like a floozy, her friends have a ton more money, but at some point you need to either get over it or cut those people out of your life.

Jeremy's family was out of control in this book. They all had little cutting remarks and said them to Glory's face, while expecting her to save Jeremy. Yes, what happened to him was somewhat her fault, but only by slight default. Glory couldn't imagine that someone would take action against Jeremy on her behalf without her knowing.

I found Jeremy's daughter to be a spoiled brat! She needs to be taken down a peg. Glory started to do it, but I have a feeling that at some point Lily will just screw Glory over for the favors she is doing for her.

I found the story with Aggie to be eye rolling. She is so self-centered, I actually think what happened with Ian at the end was perfect. It is too bad that Glory is still stuck with her.

And then there is Jeremy. I normally like him, but not so much in this book. I couldn't believe what an ass he was when he lost his mind and not much better after. He always wants Glory to be truthful to him, but he hid a big fact from her. You know that that is going to be the big bad for the next book. I'll probably check it out, as after 9 books I am pretty invested, but I won't be looking forward to them like I used to.

[Jessie Potts · Rating 4 out of 5]

What it's about:Real Vampires Know Hips Happen is the ninth installment of Gerry Bartlett's still-funny Glory St. Clair stories. I loved this installment. Glory finally has to take matters into her own hands. Her lover (of centuries) has amnesia and doesn't remember Glory, or that it's not 1590. Real Vampires Know Hips Happen is all about Glory re-seducing Jerry, dragging his butt back to Texas, and convincing him that planes aren't the death traps he claims them to be … oh, and figuring out who or what is determined to keep them separated, and convince Jeremiah that they are meant to be together.

Why you should read it: I love this series! Glory complains a bit too much about her curvy size, but she always comes out on top. I also love the dynamics between Jeremiah and Glory and their complicated, intricate history together. Seeing Jerry as he was in 1590 and how he falls for Glory all over again makes this one of the best installments yet. The humorous writing style mixed with the steam that comes off of Jeremiah (memory or not) makes this worth reading, and starting, the series. The first book is Real Vampires Have Curves.

To see more releases check out the HEA Blog

http://www.usatoday.com/story/happyev...

[Mommaang · Rating 3 out of 5]

Would give this 2.5 stars if I could. Plot weak in several spots, but not as bad as book #8. The next in the series could be the last for me.


****spoiler alert*****

Why allow Aggie to move in? Is Glory going to continue the doormat theme in every book?

Why stress over telling Jerry about Ray? Jerry left her, said he needed time and space. Asked her not to contact him. That screams "on a break" to me.

[Archer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, next one is out in December. From the snippet in the back it looks like its going to be another winner.

[Joan Mueller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book in the series with twists and turns that I am not going to reveal except to say that they really added great excitement to the book. Just loved it!!

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

My fave Glory Book yet!!

[Noelle T. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As usual, Glory is highly amusing. Love the series.
This girl is nothing but trouble. LOL

[Natalie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am so glad that I'm done with the books that I had checked out in this series. I'm so done with Glory and I don't even care what happens to all the background characters any more.

[Pam Masters · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I enjoyed most of the book, I did feel as though it dragged on a bit. Especially once Jerry was healed.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will finish this series, because I am 9 books in and I almost feel I owe it to the author to finish, but honestly, kind of getting bored. It's the same old story each time. 400 years Glory. Accept your damn body. If your friends think you are trashy and your job is a waste of time...get new friends. Stop the insecurity.

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Real Vampires’ just gets better and better. This one starts with a bang. Right from the first pages I was already crying for Glory. This pulled me right in. I couldn’t put it down.

I have hate/love feelings for her mother. She defiantly not a runner for Mother-of-the-year, but she does have some cool ideas and powers, like her clothing changes. She seems to really want a relationship with Glory, but like Glory said it’s too late to be a mother. The ‘suitors’ she sets up show that she has no idea what Glory is like. Maybe they can be friends with time. If she’ fixes Jerry.

Finding out about Glory’s origins is an interesting surprise. But after looking up her mother (not going to tell you who she is ;) and Achelous, the storm god on Wikipedia, the details of the descriptions don’t match, especially Achelous. He is NOT below her mother. The sirens are not quite right either. Do some googling it’s fascinating.

I hate the last two chapters at the end of books. It’s when everything goes downhill. You know it’s going to get better, but having to read until it gets there is hard. And this one is not a good way to end. Even though Jerry confesses up with a big secret that he’s probably would never told her if he didn’t have to. We’re left hanging until the next book to see how that problem plays out. And of course Glory still has secrets from Jerry, plus Aggie and Lily to contend with.

Thoughts: 1)I love Jerry’s sister Katie. How in the world did Mad get two such great kids?

2)Her three ‘dates’ with the gods are fascinating. Like she was tempted with three wishes.

3)I like Cornelius too. Hope we see him again.

Fave scenes: Jerry being examined by Bart, the Campbell party, Jerry’s fire power and Aggie’s ‘trial’.

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really, really love this series.

I loved the twist about Glory's mom being from Olympus! I spent most of the book trying to figure out who she was, but I was wrong. (I thought she was going to be Hera)

The amnesia side plot with Blade was interesting, and I started to suspect that his memory might never come back and that would be the end of his relationship with Glory.

Alas, that did not happen.

I will admit that I liked Blade a lot more in this book than the others, but I still don't want Glory with him anymore. He doesn't truly respect her as an individual, and all they do is have sex. There is no friendship in their relationship, and I think she'd be much better off with someone else.

That being said, I don't know who that someone should be. I liked her with Rafe, but that ship has definitely sailed. Am I the only one creeped out by the fact that he is now sleeping with Lacy!? I also don't want her to be with Ray, and I'm still disappointed they slept together (and that she is still withholding that info from Blade). I don't like her with Blade, but I don't like cheaters, either.

I loved the subplot with Aggie, as I like her a lot for some inexplicable reason. However, the ending threw me off. Blade has been unfaithful all those times he was traveling "for business"? I don't buy it. I honestly think the author wanted to make it seem okay that Glory keeps cheating, so she made Blade cheat, too. I am interested in learning more about this voodoo priestess, though.

I can't wait to see what is next in Glory's world. I really do love this series and I hope it keeps going for a long time.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Does plaid make your butt look big?

Glory St. Clair knows that it does. But she'll even throw on a Campbell kilt if it will help her win her hunky Scottish lover back. She's risked everything to cross the Atlantic to confront him in Scotland. Now powerful forces are determined to keep them apart. An attack on Jeremiah Campbell leaves him with amnesia and he doesn't remember her or their centuries together. Glory must win her man back and prove to her nemesis that she's where she's always wanted to be, even if it means dragging Jerry back to Texas.

Jeremiah doesn't remember the woman who claims they've been together so long but he's more than willing to take what she freely offers--her ancient blood and her voluptuous body. But when she tries to get him to travel to the New World in a flying machine and to work with his ancient enemy, he thinks she's cracked. In his mind, he's stuck in 1590. This modern world is almost too much for him. But there's something about this woman with the generous curves... Soon enough he finds himself risking death for her more than once. Who or what seems determined to keep them apart? The ancient warrior in him won't stand for it. And the fight is on


Wow, Glory can never catch a break can she? Now here comes Mommy Dearest herself wanting a piece of glory too! Oh my heart breaks for her during the time Blade doesn't remember her. Loved this book!!!
I honestly can't wait to read the next one I want to know more about Blades past he won't talk about!

[Robin Priddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the ninth installment of Ms Bartlett's Real Vampire series. The story is like comeing home again to your best friends and family. I have been hooked on these books since I picked up the first one. What first drew me in was the title of the book. Ms Bartlett keeps each book fresh with the same characters and adding new ones to the mix. Be on the lookout for the tenth installment of the wonderful series, Real Vampires Know Size Matters, which will be out in December of 2013.

Glory St Clair follows her boyfriend and sire, Jerry, to his family home in Scotland after they had a disagreement. She doesn't know how he will react to her being there but is happy when he welcomes her with open arms. Things go very wrong when Jerry's ex-girlfriend stabs him. She doesn't remeber doing it, the only thing she remebers is talking to an old woman at the gates of the castle. When Jerry comes to, he doesn't remeber the last few centries. He dosen't remeber Glory but he is drawn to her. Glory finds out her mother is alive and behind the attack on Jerry. She doesn't think he is good enough for Glory. Glory's mother is a goodess from Olympus and she wants Glory to move there with her. They make a deal, Glory will, with an open mind, go on one date with 5 different Gods her mother will choose and she will try and fix what she did to Jerrys memory. After several really bad dates Glory decides it may be for the best to take Jerry back to Texas where he will be around people and places he knows.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my darling vampire/vintage store owner Gloriana...she manages to find trouble when there is no trouble. After a falling out with her lover/maker Jeremiah "Blade" Campbell...he goes to his ancestral home in Scotland for a cooling down period and she follows, because she's just not the kind of gal who won't see something through, well almost nothing, well OK, a few things slip through the cracks. OK! She will see it through...someday! When Jerry winds up with a case of amnesia that leaves him with no memories after he turned Glory, that's 4 centuries to you and me, she will do whatever it takes to see his memories...that means all that they have loved, laughed, fought is returned to him. And boy does that mean Glory will have to use all of her wiles to get Jer in a car, he'd rather ride a horse. To fly in a plane, he'd rather turn into a bat. To allow his most hated Scottish neighbor, a DR., a chance to examine and help him, he'd rather live without his memories, thank you very much. To just give in and trust her! And will her sacrifices, loving nature and open feelings win her the man of her dreams? Well vampires can't dream...but time will see whether Glory gets the guy...um...this guy. Glory has a lot of guys that want her....hey, she's Gloriana St. Clair!

[Rachel Swords · Rating 2 out of 5]

After the momentous events of the previous book, "Real Vampires Know Hips Happen" falls a little flat. The initial premise is great: Glory's true love Jerry loses his memory in a magical attack and Glory tries to help him regain it. Oh, and this takes place at his family home in Scotland, where Glory is not exactly the most popular person. And later when it's discovered that the attack occurs because of Glory, things get rather tense.

Here's the problem: this scenario could have easily filled the whole book. There could have been drawn out scenes of Glory's attempts to help Jerry, a slow build-up of their chemistry, the added stuff with Glory's mother and her new suitors...but no. Instead, it's like the author got tired of it, shoe-horned a quick fix for Jerry, and zipped everyone back to Austin and a new plot that's not as much fun as the amnesia storyline. Granted, this plot has adventures with Aggie the Siren and Lily, Jerry's daughter, but still not as satisfying.

[Jes Jester · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, IMHO, is the best of the series. Glory is faced with a Blade that doesn't remember her, and even though, over the course of their 400 year relationship that was, at times, more OFF than ON, she realizes that a life without Jerry is simply one that she doesn't want to live in. Throughout this installment, the reader is introduced to a Jeremiah Campbell that we had never met before- that being a pre-Glory Jeremiah who is high-handed and elitist. Even though the re-telling of their relationship is a hard pill for the still 1600's-minded male to swallow, even his amnesia doesn't prevent the Jerry we know and love from shining through. Add to the mix Glory's goddess mother trying to hook her up with gods she feels are more on Glory's 'level' than her supposed 'distasteful' infatuation with a vampire and we have a book that ticks all my PARA-ROM boxes. I think this is the 3rd time I've REREAD this book, and I can say for certain that it will not be the last.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great story in the continuation of Glory St. Claire. Because this is book nine and there is an overarching storyline I do not recommend starting with this book. Plot lines and characters are going to be a little bit confusing so head back to book 1 and enjoy! Gloria and Jerry and spent many books going back and forth in their relationship and now that they are both ready to take the next step in their commitment to each other, an outside force that Glory could never imagine throws a wrench in their plans. With Jerry’s memories wiped of the last 400 years, Glory has to fight to try and kick start his memory in to remembering what they had together. I didn’t feel there was any major force of conflict in this story, it was almost calm compared to some previous stories, but I felt there was a great set up for the next book in the series so I’m very excited to continue reading.

[Larissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe it was because I was reading these all the way through from the beginning, but man did this one just not do it for me. The characters seemed to change (lily), and then there were details about certain characters (Jerry) that were different from details in earlier books (how many vamps he's made). It just seemed like this one was forced compared to some of the other ones. I loved the two before this one, but this one fell a little short for me to give it anything but a 2 out of 5. Hopefully the next book will not have the same issues because man were they annoying. (p.s. for anyone that has read the whole series or read the first few books, the issues were like when Mara randomly became a klepto for all of 1 or 2 books in the beginning and then her 'problem' was never really touched on again)

[Tia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was kind of disappointed. It was great finding out about Glory's heritage but at the same time, it was a long winded and kind of boring novel. Then we were given an ending, surprise, surprise, yet another woman that wants Jerry and is going to fight Glory. Like this history repeating itself is so damn lame. I am so sick of her working things out with Jerry too. I don't even feel they belong together. Ray and Rafe are way better for who Glory is as a person. Maybe this series has just been around too long and the ideas keep repeating, which is a shame, I use to love this series to pieces.

[Missyb · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars. The first part of the book was a little boring, cute, but kind of boring. Glory has gone to Scotland to win back Jerry, and when she gets there he gets stabbed and then loses his memory. Parts of this is funny. While this is going on, Glory's Mom visits and sets her up on some dates. They end up back in Texas, and then things get complicated for them. Jerry gets his memory back. Ian, Lily, Ray, Caine, Aggie, Flo, Richard are all in this book. Weird ending. I thought I was missing the end, because it kind of ends abruptly.

[크리스티 (Kristy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I was excited to see the next installment of Glory...I have to agree that this one seemed a bit thin. I can't say I complained about the story line with all the problems with Jerry and his memory lasp. I was cracking up with his Scottish ways coming through here and there but I felt it was a bit rushed with half the story being the amnesia and the other part being about Aggie. I like the thought of the next book...so for a set up book it is perfect I can't wait for the next one!

[Dena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok so I really enjoyed this series a lot and couldn't wait for the next book however I just noticed the repetition with Glory. Every book has Glory being a doormat. Why? I mean she involves herself in so many issues that it gets confusing just to keep up with the original plot. I mean it seems to me she puts so many people before her that maybe someone in her circle of friends would be looking after her.

I am totally frustrated and wish she would grow a pair and move on....

[Buffie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gerry's vampire series is one of my favorites! I anxiously await for a new one after I devour the latest! This last installment did not disappoint! You never know what kind of supernatural Glory is going to happen upon. With her boyfriend being vampire, her best friend a shapeshifter, and now her mother being from Olympus there's always plenty of excitement! Do yourself a favor if you haven't read this series pick it up!!!

[Kimberlee · Rating 4 out of 5]

As usual Gloriana has got herself in trouble, but believe it or not she does not do it on her own she has haelp from she loves and even those she hates. This time she finds she has a flesh and blood mother. Scary mother who is a goddess from Olympus. Her and Jeremiah are trying to work through there issues and as our story ends we find Jerry had a affair with a voodoo priestess who does not want to give Jerry up. Can't wait for the next.

[Crystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hum... Is this series over yet? Cause I'm over... I keep hoping the next book will be the one to sum up the series. They don't make me laugh anymore. I don't care about the characters anymore. The series has gotten so bad I don't know what I ever saw in it to start with. I think they use to be funny right??

I wish I wasn't so neurotic. I care so little at this point I wish I could just give up on them all together.

[Dymphna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This used to be one of my favourite fun book series, but after reading this one I felt a bit let down. The story line isn't bad at all, but the relationship plot is wearing thin in my opinion. All the men in Glory's life seem to be completely unsuitable, yet she still clings on to them.
This may be just me, but I think it's time for someone wonderful to come in and sweep Glory thoroughly off her feet.

[Alyson]

I'm starting to lose my love for this series. I don't know why, it's just starting to feel draggy. I love the characters, but I feel like glory has lost her edge. And that's not cool. Some of the story lines felt so superfluous. Like the mom thing and the ex girlfriend of Jerry's thing. I feel like the author just threw that in, there werent any hints in previous books and I don't like that. So, sorry but I think I'm done, I might read the next book...but I won't count down the days.

[Sarah Stowe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another gem in the series of Glory St. Clair! #9 doesn't disappoint as we ride along with glory to Scotland to claim her love for her main man Jeremiah Campbell. But of course nothing is simple in her world as he is plagued with amnesia and doesn't know who she is. Of course thats just the tip of the iceberg in this book. Funny, heartwarming, sexy and crazy...just how i like Gerry Bartlett's series! Cannot wait for book 10 in December!