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Wretched Writing: A Compendium of Crimes Against the English Language
Wretched writing is the lowest of the low; it is a felonious assault on the English language. Exuberantly excessive, it is a sin committed often by amateurs and all-too-frequently by gifted writers having an off day. In short, it’s very bad writing. Truly bad. Appallingly bad.
It’s also very funny.
A celebration of the worst writing imaginable, Wretched Writing includes inadvertently filthy book titles, ridiculously overwrought passages from novels, bombastic and confusing speeches, moronic oxymorons, hyperactive hyperbole, horribly inappropriate imagery in ostensibly hot sex scenes, mangled clichés, muddled metaphors, and unintended double entendres.
Sit back and enjoy these deliciously dreadful samples, and try not to cringe too much.
It’s also very funny.
A celebration of the worst writing imaginable, Wretched Writing includes inadvertently filthy book titles, ridiculously overwrought passages from novels, bombastic and confusing speeches, moronic oxymorons, hyperactive hyperbole, horribly inappropriate imagery in ostensibly hot sex scenes, mangled clichés, muddled metaphors, and unintended double entendres.
Sit back and enjoy these deliciously dreadful samples, and try not to cringe too much.
224 pages, Paperback
First published June 4, 2013
14 people are currently reading
204 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
March 21, 2014
It was okay. There were a few bits that were very funny, but they were too few and far between. Many samples were bad but not so bad that I wanted to read them. (Wait, what?) Some, I thought, were actually well-written and interesting prose that were being called bad because they were unusual. Far too many samples were entirely reasonable English when written that had only later become amusing because of changes in English usage. These were often pointed out as being just such cases, but that didn't make them any more interesting. I mostly read it in airports, and it was pretty decent for that. I hovered between two and three stars.
Finally, the biggest takeaway from this book? Read the novels that your government representatives have written. It seems like lots of them write really horrible stuff that might serve as a warning.
Finally, the biggest takeaway from this book? Read the novels that your government representatives have written. It seems like lots of them write really horrible stuff that might serve as a warning.
October 22, 2013
Hilarious. I truly appreciated the fact that Twilight was included so often.
January 26, 2015
The Petras siblings have done it again. Wretched Writing is a neatly categorized compendium of the most cringe and laugh-inducing writing. The vulgarians aren't just beating down the gates. They're inside, comfortably ensconced and pounding out one atrocity after another. No wretched writer escapes the sharp lampoon:
Commas, problematic: "Highlights of the tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."
Article about a documentary by Peter Ustinov - Times of London
Celebrity poets: "I draw a hot sorrow bath in my despair room."
Keanu Reeves
Eyes, roving: "Her jolly brown eyes made a complete circuit round my head..."
E.F. Benson, "Home, Sweet Home"
Additional sections take stabs at hipsters, over-verbose academics and the most stomach-churning category of all: Politicians and pundits turned novelists, pathetic sex scenes and all. After reading excerpts from Newt Gingrich, Bill O'Reilly and Scooter Libby, you you will find yourself desperately hoping a ghost writer has done ALL the work.
December 14, 2017
I can't imagine why people want to write books like this, destined as they for the toilet or the vacation house. Some of the examples of bad writing are very funny, but most are pedestrian. Perhaps the authors got sick of collecting beer coasters or matchboxes?
May 2, 2018
I adore everything these two authors put together - the "wretched writing" of which they speak is amusing enough in itself (as well as vaguely disconcerting), but their little pieces about them just add another level of amusement. I laughed out loud a LOT reading this book...even though there are some TRULY wretched pieces of writing in here. But then, that's the point! ;-)
March 13, 2014
A book in the same vein as How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them--A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide, but far inferior.
The biggest problem is that it comes across as mean spirited and condescending. Whereas How Not to Write a Novel provides a humorous look at the mistakes of many amateur writers, this one seems to exist just so the authors can insult books they don't like. This isn't to say that the books mentioned in here aren't poorly written; it's just that Wretched Writing isn't providing any constructive criticisms.
The other problem is that some of their selections undermine the goal of the book - namely getting people to write better books. While the Twilight series and Dan Brown's books certainly have some wretched writing, they are also insanely popular and have sold millions of copies. Pointing out their flaws in this manner only serves to prove that you can become a famous writer without having to worry about being a good writer.
This isn't to say the book is all bad - it does point out a lot of things authors should avoid. However, for a book designed to be helpful it isn't that helpful and for a book designed to be amusing it just isn't that funny.
The biggest problem is that it comes across as mean spirited and condescending. Whereas How Not to Write a Novel provides a humorous look at the mistakes of many amateur writers, this one seems to exist just so the authors can insult books they don't like. This isn't to say that the books mentioned in here aren't poorly written; it's just that Wretched Writing isn't providing any constructive criticisms.
The other problem is that some of their selections undermine the goal of the book - namely getting people to write better books. While the Twilight series and Dan Brown's books certainly have some wretched writing, they are also insanely popular and have sold millions of copies. Pointing out their flaws in this manner only serves to prove that you can become a famous writer without having to worry about being a good writer.
This isn't to say the book is all bad - it does point out a lot of things authors should avoid. However, for a book designed to be helpful it isn't that helpful and for a book designed to be amusing it just isn't that funny.
August 25, 2015
The book is a more or less predictable collection of botched writing. My favorites:
“She sat huddled in a chair, covering her ears with crossed legs.”
“He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.”
“Highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.”
“Among those interviewed were Haggard’s two ex-wives, Kris Kristofferson and Robert Duvall.”
Alternatives to he or she "said": “fanged out” Rake; “ iced Wes”; “I monosyllabled”; “she hoarsed."
Then, thrown in at the end is what the authors call “the worst poem ever written in the English Language, ‘A Tragedy’”:
I can dare, I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop
Drop.
Dead.
Plop, flop.
Plop.
“She sat huddled in a chair, covering her ears with crossed legs.”
“He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.”
“Highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.”
“Among those interviewed were Haggard’s two ex-wives, Kris Kristofferson and Robert Duvall.”
Alternatives to he or she "said": “fanged out” Rake; “ iced Wes”; “I monosyllabled”; “she hoarsed."
Then, thrown in at the end is what the authors call “the worst poem ever written in the English Language, ‘A Tragedy’”:
I can dare, I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop
Drop.
Dead.
Plop, flop.
Plop.
November 20, 2016
Not as well done as it could have been, given the material Ms. Petras collected. This is, without a doubt, a good collection of snippets of bad writing of every kind, but her humorous treatment falls flat in most places.
January 22, 2014
There were a few moments where I laughed out loud, but not as many as I would've hoped. Alright, but not as funny as it could have been.
December 16, 2016
Review title: Writing it wrong
As an IT professional whose primary tool is words, I had this along with Between you and me: Confessions of a comma queen on my reading wish list, and when I was able to pick both up at Powell's Books in Portland on my most recent trip, I decided to read and review these as a pair as they both explore the value of words and punctuation as tools for communicating.
Wretched writing does so from the bottom, looking at examples of ways the language has been mangled. The examples are arranged in psuedo-order under alphabetical headings from "Adjectives, excessive use of" to "Zoological sexual encounters, politician-writers and". As these headings suggest, the intent is only partially scholarly here, and tongue is firmly implanted in cheek throughout--although, in fact, the examples under that last heading are exactly what the heading implies, and they are truly bad writing by authors that most readers will recognize. These are, as a brief introduction says, "a felonious assault on the English language." (p. vi) While politicians who try their hand at writing (really bad) fiction are called out often, other frequent offenders are genre fiction (science fiction, thriller, mystery, western, romance), science, journalism, and new age religion.
Comma queen starts from a different place; Norris is a copy editor for the New Yorker, which has considered itself the arbiter of taste and class in periodical writing during its many decades in print. Without questioning that self-assessment, before reading Norris's candid--and often funny--discussions of common trouble spots in English usage (commas, hyphens, pronouns, apostrophes, profanity) I would have said that Comma queen started from the top, but now have shifted to say just that it starts from a different place than Wretched writing. My takeaway here is that much of grammar and usage In these trouble spots is a gray area in which the New Yorker has staked out some very black-and-white ground of its own. As a professional who uses words daily but not as a professional wordsmith, I was surprised to learn just how much of that staked-out ground is based not on inviolable rules, but on the New Yorker's assessment of readability, personal preference, and even curmudgeonly tradition. The point of the rules is to clarify the meaning of the written language, which most rules do for most writers in most circumstances, but not to put writers (and copy editors like Norris) in a strait jacket in those gray areas.
So from those two different starting points, these books reach the same audience but through different routes. Petras and Petras, a brother and sister team, intend to give the reader examples that entertain, for after all, none of us would ever write that badly--right? Ahh, but as I read I could see the ends of roads that I have started down and where I might have ended mysef had I not been checked up by rereading, rewriting, editing, and getting peers and editors to review. Lesson learned. But there is no serious attempt in Wretched writing to provide a consistent guide to writing of the non-wretched variety; the headings are primarily humorous and not categorical, and there are no references to style guides for further reading, for example. Comma queen does include a bibliography of helpful guides (most well known: Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style") with Norris's annotations of the best usage of each of them. Her purpose, while using humor to ease the reader into troubled waters, is to educate and provide guidance through those trouble spots in the best ways to communicate most clearly in the written English language, and along the way provide insight into the sometimes weird and insular world of the New Yorker. And "Between you and me" is the correct usage, even though we often reach for "between you and I" because it is sounds more correct and more formal to our ears.
So I awarded Wretched writing two stars for its guilty pleasure of enabling me to laugh gently at those less fortunate, and Comma queen three stars for being a more useful and still humorous reference. Neither is a must-have, but each is a fun diversion worth a few minutes of time and a few inches of shelf space.
As an IT professional whose primary tool is words, I had this along with Between you and me: Confessions of a comma queen on my reading wish list, and when I was able to pick both up at Powell's Books in Portland on my most recent trip, I decided to read and review these as a pair as they both explore the value of words and punctuation as tools for communicating.
Wretched writing does so from the bottom, looking at examples of ways the language has been mangled. The examples are arranged in psuedo-order under alphabetical headings from "Adjectives, excessive use of" to "Zoological sexual encounters, politician-writers and". As these headings suggest, the intent is only partially scholarly here, and tongue is firmly implanted in cheek throughout--although, in fact, the examples under that last heading are exactly what the heading implies, and they are truly bad writing by authors that most readers will recognize. These are, as a brief introduction says, "a felonious assault on the English language." (p. vi) While politicians who try their hand at writing (really bad) fiction are called out often, other frequent offenders are genre fiction (science fiction, thriller, mystery, western, romance), science, journalism, and new age religion.
Comma queen starts from a different place; Norris is a copy editor for the New Yorker, which has considered itself the arbiter of taste and class in periodical writing during its many decades in print. Without questioning that self-assessment, before reading Norris's candid--and often funny--discussions of common trouble spots in English usage (commas, hyphens, pronouns, apostrophes, profanity) I would have said that Comma queen started from the top, but now have shifted to say just that it starts from a different place than Wretched writing. My takeaway here is that much of grammar and usage In these trouble spots is a gray area in which the New Yorker has staked out some very black-and-white ground of its own. As a professional who uses words daily but not as a professional wordsmith, I was surprised to learn just how much of that staked-out ground is based not on inviolable rules, but on the New Yorker's assessment of readability, personal preference, and even curmudgeonly tradition. The point of the rules is to clarify the meaning of the written language, which most rules do for most writers in most circumstances, but not to put writers (and copy editors like Norris) in a strait jacket in those gray areas.
So from those two different starting points, these books reach the same audience but through different routes. Petras and Petras, a brother and sister team, intend to give the reader examples that entertain, for after all, none of us would ever write that badly--right? Ahh, but as I read I could see the ends of roads that I have started down and where I might have ended mysef had I not been checked up by rereading, rewriting, editing, and getting peers and editors to review. Lesson learned. But there is no serious attempt in Wretched writing to provide a consistent guide to writing of the non-wretched variety; the headings are primarily humorous and not categorical, and there are no references to style guides for further reading, for example. Comma queen does include a bibliography of helpful guides (most well known: Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style") with Norris's annotations of the best usage of each of them. Her purpose, while using humor to ease the reader into troubled waters, is to educate and provide guidance through those trouble spots in the best ways to communicate most clearly in the written English language, and along the way provide insight into the sometimes weird and insular world of the New Yorker. And "Between you and me" is the correct usage, even though we often reach for "between you and I" because it is sounds more correct and more formal to our ears.
So I awarded Wretched writing two stars for its guilty pleasure of enabling me to laugh gently at those less fortunate, and Comma queen three stars for being a more useful and still humorous reference. Neither is a must-have, but each is a fun diversion worth a few minutes of time and a few inches of shelf space.
March 21, 2022
So .... it turns out reading a book of bad writing isn't as fun as it sounds. Especially since my job involves editing writing that is similar to a lot of the writing in this book, so it just makes me think of being at work.
There were a few sections that were funny and fun to read. I just wish more of the book had been like that.
There were a few sections that were funny and fun to read. I just wish more of the book had been like that.
May 31, 2018
As part of a reading challenge, I have to read a book on writing or reading. I decided to go with writing and why not go with bad writing? I was surprised by how much was I entertained by the "wretched writing" and the authors' humor. You might be too.
October 9, 2023
Very insightful and made me feel better about my own writing like damn.
Also, further proof most cis het men (and some cis het women) desperately need to stop writing sex scenes or go eat some food. Or both.
Also, further proof most cis het men (and some cis het women) desperately need to stop writing sex scenes or go eat some food. Or both.
October 3, 2017
Not wretchedly written but not a page tuurner. A perfect book for a bathroom.
May 2, 2022
So so - not as funny as I felt it could be!?
August 17, 2023
YOU HAVE TO READ THIS
If you love to read
If you love to write
If you are planning to write
If you have ever wanted to scream over tortured prose
If you need a laugh.
Seriously, READ THIS!
If you love to read
If you love to write
If you are planning to write
If you have ever wanted to scream over tortured prose
If you need a laugh.
Seriously, READ THIS!
February 14, 2022
It's a fun, very different look at writing.
January 6, 2014
meh. it was all right. just what the subtitle says: a collection of especially bad writing, organized according to witty sub-headings invented by the authors (such as "prose, purple" or "metaphors, mixed"). bonus points for making me legitimately laugh a couple of times, but this was really just an insubstantial read to occupy my evenings after getting ramona to bed. usually by the time 8pm rolls around, i'm pretty close to brain-dead from wrangling a baby all day & i need something fun & fluffy to read. this means that more & more of the books i read earn the "gift book-adjacent" shelf, which isn't really a compliment. but it's hard to know what could have made this book feel more like a real book & less like something a person might be in an airport gift shop on a lark, & it's difficult to say who i might recommend this to or under what circumstances. honestly, i picked it up because i'm a hater who likes to make fun of the bad writing of others.
September 20, 2013
Wretched Writing is an amusing diversion of a book. The brother/sister team does a good job of picking out assaults to the mother tongue from a wide variety of sources. Out of necessity, I suppose, there are an awful lot of sex scenes exposed to the light of day -- a rather disturbing number of which were written by politicians and political pundits. All I can say is, Scooter Libby = Eeeew. I guess, though, that sex scenes more than any others are just so darn difficult to write about in any way that does not abuse the reader.
My favorite example of all was from the entry, "commas, problematic," in which the lack of an Oxford comma made me laugh out loud: Highlights from his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.
My favorite example of all was from the entry, "commas, problematic," in which the lack of an Oxford comma made me laugh out loud: Highlights from his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.
January 30, 2014
Uses examples from published texts to illustrate a delightful history of terrible writing. While many of the examples are arguably drawn from "b-list" literature, even "classic" writers like Austen, Richardson, Lawrence, Hawthorne, Alcott, Dickens and academics like Judith Butler aren't exempt from writing gone bad. For me, this book's primary appeal is it's pedagogical potential; I'm always on the look-out for great examples of style--and the selections in this book range from newspapers to Pulitzer-Prize novels. For students who don't know why it might not be a good idea to use fourteen adjectives to describe a purse in the same sentence--simply point out what it looks like when other writers do it. It's not pretty.
September 12, 2013
When I picked up the book, I expected it to be filled with funny examples of bad writing, but also, given the amount of commentary surrounding the examples, to be filled with useful advice for good writing. Instead, I found maybe 70% of the examples to be mediocre rather than wretched, more dull than funny. The commentary surrounding the examples was snarky and prone to stating the obvious, as if the reader might not have understood that breasts in no way resemble snakes, for example. Really, I would have preferred if the book contained no commentary at all and the authors had instead put a pit more effort into compiling a few more wretched snippets.
December 26, 2015
I wanted this to be funnier than it was. Instead, I found myself doing a lot of skimming--a boring passage isn't any less boring to read because you've transported it to another book. There were some entertaining bits, but not enough commentary or direction to make the book interesting. It was more "here is a bad piece of writing, here is another." I also thought it was silly to include pieces of writing from the past that were fine at their time, but "wretched" now because of word changes. Most of them were still actually fine as long as you got your mind out of the gutter.
Overall, a disappointment. I did rather like the ending bit, but not enough to recommend this to anyone.
Overall, a disappointment. I did rather like the ending bit, but not enough to recommend this to anyone.
September 22, 2013
The only thing wretched about this book is that it was written. The authors think they are clever and witty and have written a funny book. They have not.
While there are some examples of truly horrible writing that rises to the level of comical, much is not. Passages are removed from context or are perfectly fitting with their genre, and this not as wretched as the authors would have us believe.
I would hazard political viewpoint also comes into play in some of their editorial decisions.
If you want funny writing, stick with "Dark and Stormy Night" and the various sequels.
While there are some examples of truly horrible writing that rises to the level of comical, much is not. Passages are removed from context or are perfectly fitting with their genre, and this not as wretched as the authors would have us believe.
I would hazard political viewpoint also comes into play in some of their editorial decisions.
If you want funny writing, stick with "Dark and Stormy Night" and the various sequels.
November 22, 2013
Not as funny as I expected. Too much emphasis on sexual themes. I've read other books on a similar theme that are much better, such as Richard Lederer's Anguished English and others by him. Lederer is laugh-out-loud funny.
I'm glad I got this from the library, and I recommend you do the same if you want to read it. Some of it is okay.
There's an index so you can check if an author you like is in here.
I do like that the authors credit the author of the quote and give the book or document it came from.
I'm glad I got this from the library, and I recommend you do the same if you want to read it. Some of it is okay.
There's an index so you can check if an author you like is in here.
I do like that the authors credit the author of the quote and give the book or document it came from.
July 21, 2014
This is not an instant classic, but it is a fun little diversion if you enjoy sarcasm and truly bad examples of writing from a variety of genres and time periods. Some of the examples are quite explicit, so be warned, with categories like "overuse of profanity" and over-the top descriptions of sex.
But, if that doesn't bother you and you've got a good sense of humor, you might enjoy this. I just hope you're not too big a Stephenie Meyer or Dan Brown fan, though...they take some major abuse in this book.
But, if that doesn't bother you and you've got a good sense of humor, you might enjoy this. I just hope you're not too big a Stephenie Meyer or Dan Brown fan, though...they take some major abuse in this book.
December 8, 2013
Okay, so far I've learned the very biased opinions of unknown people about what they think shouldn't be written in books. I understand some ideas, but for the most part, really?
Some hilarity, but I guess I just felt bad for the writer who spent all their time working up a beautifully crafted concoction of ideas, obviously without intention of being an example in this book.
stars for helpful
2 stars for structure
2 stars for bleh
2 stars for "...oookkaayy..."
Don't waste your time.
Some hilarity, but I guess I just felt bad for the writer who spent all their time working up a beautifully crafted concoction of ideas, obviously without intention of being an example in this book.
stars for helpful
2 stars for structure
2 stars for bleh
2 stars for "...oookkaayy..."
Don't waste your time.
June 11, 2014
I don't know exactly what I expected from this book but I thought it would be funnier. I found the examples mostly sad or bizarre. Some were a little funny but not super enjoyable. I sometimes felt like they were picking on people. If they were trying to be funny I didn't get the joke. If they were trying to point out that even published authors can be terrible writers? Well I already knew that.
January 13, 2015
Extremely funny collection of examples of very bad writing, organized into categories ( "character intros, wretchedly bad" etc.) and spanning several centuries of terrible prose (plus a few poems). Much funnier than the collections of writing that's created to be intentionally bad (as for the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest) - this is all real published literary work that happens to be hilariously awful.
March 16, 2016
The back of my book says this book is humor/reference however I would disagree. It is more reference than humor and if you come into it with the mindset of reading a humor book you will be sorely disappointed (I was).
However, it is a helpful reminder of things a writer should avoid. It is not horrible as a reference, it's a good one! But if you are considering buying it full price ($15!?!?), save your money.
However, it is a helpful reminder of things a writer should avoid. It is not horrible as a reference, it's a good one! But if you are considering buying it full price ($15!?!?), save your money.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 4, 2019
The Petras siblings collected many hilarious examples of terrible writing, but their own commentary is stupid. I know that sounds harsh, but unfortunately it is true. They're no great shakes as writers themselves, so they shouldn't be as smug as they are. But I'm still very grateful to them for collecting these examples of words so misused that they're almost fascinating. It must have been painful.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews