The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart

by Christine Hoover

"Nothing in my life goes untouched by my husband’s calling."

Christine Hoover’s words in the first chapter describe so well the life of a church planter’s wife, which is enormously difficult yet extraordinarily rewarding. To be married to a church planter is a calling of its own with a richness of its own.

In The Church Planting Wife, Hoover explores and encourages the hearts of her readers while teaching what it means to have heart prepared for this unique ministry. She knows the challenges: A church planter's wife must develop a job description, be a wise helper to her husband, develop friendships within the church and community, deal with stress and discouragement, handle wounds, and more. Christine speaks candidly about these challenges while urging readers to grow a heart that wholly reflects Jesus.

Spread throughout these pages are stories and interviews from church planting wives. Christine Hoover empathetically and pointedly builds from these testimonies to uplift the reader and offer lessons of hope in the midst of a challenging ministry.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christianity, Christian, Christian Living, Church Ministry, Spirituality, Theology

208 pages, Paperback

First published November 21, 2012

About the author

Christine Hoover serves as the Women's Ministry Associate at The Austin Stone Community Church's Northwest congregation in Austin, Texas. She hosts The Ministry Wives Podcast and has authored six books, including Messy Beautiful Friendship and How to Thrive as a Pastor's Wife, as well as a Bible study with Lifeway, Seek First the Kingdom. Her work has been featured on The Gospel Coalition, For The Church, and Christianity Today. Christine is married to Kyle, a pastor, and they have three boys. You can find her at her home online, www.christinehoover.net.

Reviews

[Kyle Hoover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not biased or anything....

[Esther Proudfoot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really practical and helpful book!

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such an insightful book for me in this stage of my life. My husband and I are currently on deputation, raising support for church planting. While technically, I'm not a church planting wife (just yet) we are making moves in that direction. It was so interesting to be able to read about church planting from a WIFE'S perspective. Each and every chapter was about a certain aspect that a church planting wife will inevitably face - fear, discouragement, criticism, etc.

I loved the "interviews" at the end of each chapter which asked questions of another church planting wife (I appreciated the various perspectives). I also loved the section at the end of the book for those who are preparing to church plant (that's us!).

I'm only giving this book four stars for two reasons - it's clearly written from a new evengelical (and contemporary perspective) and I wish the author stuck with th KJV - it's always confusing to read Scripture when it's from several different versions and just doesn't make as much sense. Other than that, this was a helpful book... And one I know I will be reading again in the future!!!

[Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

0 stars for the cover of this book 🤣
5 stars for the content of this book!

Definitely will be revisiting this book, especially as we officially start our church in a few short months!! God has been so faithful and good 🥹❤️🙌🏼

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me start out by noting that I am not a church planting wife but I am a pastor’s wife. My friend who is a church planting wife told me about it and so I applied for an advance copy because I’ve never read anything about being a wife of a minister and the idea intrigued me.

I’m very grateful to have learned about this book because it was a wonderful refresher and reminder as to what my role as a pastor’s wife is. When our husbands attend seminary, there is no course we take to prepare us as spouses, and there is no doubt in my mind that we play a very important role. I have seen pastor’s wives try as hard as possible to separate themselves from their husband’s call, which I always felt was a fairly futile response. Granted, I understand what they were trying to do; it is all too easy to be treated as a free add-on (and unappreciated in that role). And I will be the first to admit that I have been and continue to be the free add-on. Throughout my husband’s ministry I have played or currently play the role of worship leader, organizer, interior designer, errand-runner, photographer/editor, updater of social media, web page manager, newsletter designer, mentor and more. In this way, I think I understand a lot of the same trials as church planting wives experience. According to a book my husband and I have have read a couple of times (and I would recommend for ANY youth pastor and his team) is Sustainable Youth Ministry. This book indicates that our youth program should have two full-time employees. Ours runs on one and this year we have had the good enough fortune of a part-time intern. Needless to say, there is a lot to get done and someone has to do it. I enjoy playing these roles but I will say that part of the reason I am a homemaker is to accommodate my serious involvement in my husband’s ministry.

I only say this to note that I think I have a slight understanding of the time, effort and player-of-myriad-roles of a church planting wife and I was saddened by Christine Hoover’s very exclusive language. I completely understand that her target audience is for church planting wives and I appreciate that I cannot fully understand all that they go through. That being said, while reading the book, I found her exclusive language to make me feel like an outcast, looking through the window at all the cool girls sitting at their cool-kid table, telling me I just couldn’t understand what they go through. But not only do I think I understand and can relate to a lot of what they go through, but I think most pastor’s wives can relate. There were times where I felt she unnecessarily excluded us from the conversation and I think her book reaches a far more expansive audience than she allowed herself to address. (I am not trying to say she should have written a generic book about being a pastor’s wife. There is value in keeping the title and keeping her theme, I just think she could have addressed the fact that others might understand.)

One of my favorite things about the book is how biblical she was and I greatly appreciated her biblical basis. She constantly cited scripture and it was clear she has been convicted about what it means to serve her husband and the congregation through God’s calling to be a pastor’s wife. And it is a calling; that I agreed with and will always give a hearty “amen” to. As she stated, we are called to be pastors to the pastor, giving him “encouragement, prayer, support, and intimacy in ways that others can’t.” (location 682) And this takes a true calling.

But although we are called to be pastor’s wives, I was disappointed with her lack of talking about what we should be asking for from our husbands. And yes, our call is ultimately to God, but for someone who reiterated our role as encourager, she didn’t say much about the encouragement we need from our husbands. It took until over half-way through the book for her to mention how the husbands need to recognize our role, but it was almost said in passing and if you weren’t paying attention, you might have missed it. I think it’s only healthy to remind our husbands that although our ministry is for God, that we need encouragement just like our husbands do. And my husband being my “boss” at work means he is often the only one who will recognize any good work I do and if he doesn’t say he appreciates it, then I won’t hear it from anyone. I expect this from a regular work setting as well; when I taught high school, my ultimate authority was God, but I am human and receiving positive feedback helped me to know I was appreciated and on the right track. If our husbands forget to pastor their wives, our ministries are in trouble.

Her words were all so scriptural and genuine that any reader would find refreshment from them. They put me back on track and were a reminder as to how I should be viewing my role. I was disappointed with the generic nature of a lot of her advice. She would remind us to spend time with God or not worry about numbers, but it wouldn’t be accompanied with her own struggles or experiences with these things. To me these ideas are “old news” but could have been wonderful reminders if accompanied by a story of how she struggled in particular with them or how God showed taught her these ideas in a specific way. She kept her story out of a lot of it but I could sense that these ideas had specific stories behind them. Granted, it can be hard to share specifics because it is a book anyone can read and we don’t always need people in the congregation knowing every little thing, but I would have liked some more personal interjection. In fact, I felt is was in the back part Q&A for future church planting wives, that she revealed the most of herself. Here we saw her calling and the specifics of how God spoke to her and her husband and how he spoke to people on their core team. It was probably my favorite part of the book! I could have used this interspersed throughout all of her words of advice and I think her book could have held even more power.

All this being said, please don’t walk away thinking I didn’t greatly appreciate the book, because I did. I would recommend it for any pastor’s wives and even for wives whose husbands are in seminary. We need preparation and I thank Christine for having the boldness and having taken the time to share her words. They are not only beautiful but it is clear God has used her to pass on her wisdom.

[Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this with a small group as we started church planting. While I’m not the wife of a pastor, this book could be read by a wife who’s husband is involved in church planting at any level.

The book was 3/5, but it led to great conversation among the wives and really helped Tommy and I in our marriage this summer so I gave it an extra star. Would recommend.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the intended audience, I think this book does a good job. In some ways, this is almost a book any wife can read — helpful in supporting your husband’s mission. I didn’t find much of it revelatory, but it is full of reminders of necessary Christian faithfulness. And while Hoover’s personal experience of planting from scratch is different to my own current experience, there was certainly enough overlap for her guidance and wisdom to prepare and encourage me.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found it helpful. It uses specific language for church planting wives, which may be hard for some to look past, but it does offer a lot of truth and insight for any woman in ministry, and also truths for Christians in general. I appreciate the author’s honesty through her struggles and also her encouragement through the Word. I would definitely recommend this book.

[Celeste Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good advice and encouragement for women who serve with their husbands in any ministry, not just church planting. My favorite chapters (the dependent heart and the connecting heart) focused on dependence upon God in every situation and building lasting friendships with others.

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to wives of church planters and even to those who plan to venture into any new ministry arena (missions, starting a new ministry within a church, revitalizing a ministry).

While I recommend this book, it's still vital to remember that it reflects one person's experience and wisdom. Be sure not to make laws for yourself or even set your expectations based on Christine's experience. (I'm sure she'd agree with that.) Your final authority must be God's word.

[Shantel · Rating 4 out of 5]

So relatable and convicting in many areas. I still have SO much to learn as a "Church Planters Wife." I should probably just keep reading this one over and over again. 🙃

[Stacia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I'm not a church planter's wife.
But...
I am an elder's wife at a church plant that we have been a part of since basically the beginning. Also, 8 years prior to joining the church plant, my husband and I moved 2000 miles away from home and family to be working missionaries in an area all but devoid of sound Biblical doctrine. So, I'm not completely out of the target audience either.

While, the interview portions of the book were helpful and there was a lot of great stuff in this book, I wouldn't recommend it to others. Most, if not all, concepts in the book can apply to ALL women in the church, not just the church planter's wife or even pastor's wives. So, I guess I would rather point women towards other strong resources that encourage women in their faith.

[Annie B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book written by someone in the trenches! I appreciate Christine's transparency and vulnerability about this subject; great book that every church planter's wife should read!

[Bridget Mcgahen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a book I'll keep closeby for reference.

[Michelle Grorud]

Never updated this 🤦🏼‍♀️. Good book, I just don't remember much for an honest review and will have to go back

[Elizabeth Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a church planting wife on a very hard mission field, I found this book to be exactly what the subtitle says: Help and Hope for [My] Heart.

While every ministry role has its challenges, church planting is unique in its seeming isolation from the rest of the body of Christ. You are on locaion, either alone or with few team members, perservering to share the gospel of Christ with people who (probably) don't want to hear it. There is no pastoral team to share the load; there is no body of elders or deacons to help with the ministry; there often aren't even other laypeople qualified to teach a Bible study. In our case, we have nobody to help in tangible ways. We are alone in a very hard field, but it is exactly where God wants us right now. So when I found this book, I jumped at the chance to read perspectives from other church planting wives. Every church plant might be different, but the basic circumstances are fairly similar.

This book shines in its biblical encouragment and practical suggestions that truly help, rather than increasing the burden of expectations. Each chapter ends with a brief snapshot from different church planter wives; sometimes I found those helpful and sometimes not, because our situations are so different. But all of them, and every chapter, continually pointed to God - to being who He calls us to be, where He calls us to serve, and to find our fulfillment and satisfaction in Him alone.

I don't always write in my books (because I want to read them fresh each time), but the pages of this one are now filled with notes and underlines and ways God spoke to me through the text. Have already been highly recommending it to fellow church planting wives, and will certainly return to it the future as our ministry changes and develops.

[Bethany Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this resource super helpful when I was writing my term paper.

[Tuesdayschild · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*
I've had this book on kindle, waiting to be read, since October 2013 - I did start it and just couldn't settle to connect with the content - and this month was the perfect time for me to read it: God knew I was in the right space to be encouraged by the encouragement and find positive self-analysis in the more challenging portions.

This is not just a book for church planting wives, women in or around those in a ministry/ Christian serving role, or who is a Christian home educating mum, could also find this a beneficial read.

Here are a few of the excerpts I jotted down from the book:

Is there any area of life not characterized by constant demand and limited supply?
In the end, however, we can only give so much. According to our human limits, as we give out to others, our supplies must be replenished. If they are not replenished, we become like a lion tamer fending off weariness, discouragement, dryness, or emptiness. Or perhaps anger, bitterness, or feelings of being unloved or alone.
Who will care for us? The Lord will, for He never grows weary of demands, never needs a break, never sleeps, never takes time off.
(p. 38). Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition.

We often associate peace with changed circumstances or a lack of busyness, but as Jesus modelled, God’s peace comes through dependence in the midst of busyness. Approaching God through prayer, Bible reading, and worship, in which we bring our needy selves to receive from Him, are acts of need. Peace comes through this dependence, through ceding control into more capable hands.
(p. 132). Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book certainly applies to the pastor's wife who isn't a church planter. I'm still growing into my new role as fully invested pastor's wife (as opposed to full time English teacher) and I found much in this book to ease that transition. I enjoyed her reminders about hospitality and being willing to display your mess for the sale of welcoming others in. My husband echoes her sentiments heartily whenever I start freaking out about having ppl over.

Overall I did not love it, though. Probably partly because I am not the intended audience. Partly because, as with many "women's" books, I found it a little too topical, too personal. I admired Christine's honesty, but felt her scope was too narrowly focused on how it had all worked for her. I appreciated the interviews, but would have loved even more of the book to have been principles drawn from other wives, particularly ones who failed, or who worked in different contexts, or something.

[Caroline Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christine is right on the mark. Like right on the mark. Christine's wisdom is solid, precise, and relevant--so relevant that it's almost a shame that the book is geared for the church-planting wife. Christine approached each topic with a humility that really touched my hardened, cynical heart. She makes it clear that she's going through these struggles with her readers.

Bottom line: The Church Planting Wife is scripturally based, full of hope and wisdom (some of which is from interview with other church planting wives that are sprinkled throughout). Some of its best advice is applicable to anyone: "Teach yourself to crave the Word, drench yourself in it, and learn to depend on God for everything that you need."

Full review at www.princesstrufflefluff.blogspot.com

[Kristin Bush · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was actually okay. I didn't know what to expect from this book or even if I would be able to relate. The book is literally about it's title, the wife of a church planter. Christine Hoover kind of takes you into the heart and mind of this wife, giving you a glimpse of how stressful it can be and then just how rewarding it can be as well. I rank it in the middle because its more of a memoir than it is an actual story.

[Kaitlyn Cotnoir · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I'm not a church planting wife or even a pastor's wife, I found this book so beneficial after being in ministry and having burnt out. I really connected with a lot of the struggles she speaks to. I would recommend it to any woman in ministry!

[Jacqueline James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughtful and deep. Fairly specific to church-planting, but useful for other ministry contexts. All the interviews were with wives of church-planters at large churches....might have been more broadly useful to have included a few from folks at smaller churches.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed navigating this book with two friends who's husbands feel called to church planting. Even though we do not feel that call there was so much application for me just as a church leaders wife and friend to these women.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I have ever read. The title is misleading, making it seem only appropriate for a pastor's wife or church planter. I have suggested it to every woman/ministry spouse on our staff to read. It applies to all women who desire to keep God first in their ministry to Him.

[Megan Mathis · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is a very gospel centered read. great read anytime doubt is in the air or questions of direction. lots of biblical mandates to steer you in the right direction.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly suggest this to wives whose husbands are in any ministry capacity. I've found this so helpful in encouraging my husband and supporting him in the calling God placed on his life.

[Sissi · Rating 5 out of 5]

An encouraging book filled with real-life experiences, uplifting words of advice and great wisdom. A 5 day read! It has been a blessing to me : )

[Hope · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amazingly helpful book for those in ministry about the challenges and blessings of starting something new.

[Rachel Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Slow to start but Christine does a decent job of honestly sharing the struggles that come with the blurred lines of work and family life in ministry. A quick read- finished this one in one day.