Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy's Dreadful Secret

Supernatural Jane Austen #3

by Vera Nazarian

When the moon is full over Regency England, all the gentlemen are subject to its curse...

Mr. Darcy, however, harbors a Dreadful Secret.

Shape-shifting demons mingle with Australian wildlife, polite society, and high satire, in this elegant, hilarious, witty, insane, and unexpectedly romantic supernatural parody of Jane Austen's classic novel.

The powerful, mysterious, handsome, and odious Mr. Darcy announces that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is not good enough to tempt him. The young lady determines to find out his one secret weakness -- all the while surviving unwanted proposals, Regency balls, foolish sisters, seductive wolves, matchmaking mothers, malodorous skunks, general lunacy, and the demonic onslaught of the entire wild animal kingdom!

What awaits her is something unexpected. And only moon, matrimony, and true love can overcome pride and prejudice!

Gentle Reader—this Delightful Illustrated Edition includes Scholarly Footnotes and Appendices.

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Romance, Humor, Retellings, Historical Fiction, Ebooks

500 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 15, 2012

About the author

Vera Nazarian is a two-time Nebula Award Finalist, award-winning artist, and member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, a writer with a penchant for moral fables and stories of intense wonder, true love, and intricacy.

She immigrated to the USA from the former USSR as a kid, sold her first story at the age of 17, and since then has published numerous works in anthologies and magazines, and has seen her fiction translated into eight languages.

She is the author of critically acclaimed novels Dreams of the Compass Rose and Lords of Rainbow , romantic Renaissance epic fantasy trilogy Cobweb Bride , as well as the outrageous parodies Mansfield Park and Mummies and Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons , Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy's Dreadful Secret in her humorous and surprisingly romantic Supernatural Jane Austen Series , and most recently the bestselling high-octane science fiction series The Atlantis Grail , now optioned for film.

After many years in Los Angeles, Vera lives in a small town in Vermont, and uses her Armenian sense of humor and her Russian sense of suffering to bake conflicted pirozhki and make art.

Take the fun quiz to find out Which of the Lords of Rainbow do You Serve?

Reviews

[Kristina]

This makes the scene where he dives into the lake so much more meaningful.

Happy Weird Wednesday!

[Grapie Deltaco · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightfully silly, clever, and absurd. This book expands on the original work by Jane Austen (although does so excessively at times) and twists the world into a supernatural one.

What really makes this book, though, is the secondary plot occurring in the footnotes where we see multiple editors arguing about whether or not certain footnotes are even necessary before spiraling into animosity. The cherry on top was the sprinkling of illustrations scattered throughout the novel.

I am absolutely obsessed with this Vera person’s mind and her specific brand of humor.

CW: grooming, sexism

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

To see fully illustrated review, please visit my blog by following this link. For some reason, some of the pictures I tried to add would not work here.

Book Info: Genre: Classical literature satire
Reading Level: Adult
Recommended for: Fans of Jane Austen, satire, cross-genre mashups
Trigger Warnings: Demons beasts! Giant, murderous DUCKS!! And a truly horrible creature called a platypus.

My Thoughts: Like Northanger Abbey and Angels and Demons (my review here where formatting allowed), this is a delightful mock-up of the original, or at least I assume so, because also like that one, I have not actually read the original version of Pride and Prejudice, or if I have, I have successfully managed to suppress all memory of it. After reading this excellent satire, I feel I have done myself a grave injustice and am more determined than ever to seek out and read as much Jane Austen as I can, as the story, even buried under satire, was really quite charming and left me with a smile on my face. A more voluble expression of love I have never heard than, “Dearest Elizabeth... There is something different about the world; can you suddenly feel it?”

Early on in the book it is noted that the Affliction to which the men of Regency England were subjected caused them to:

“...take on various unnatural shapes—neither quite demon, nor proper beast—and in those shapes to roam the land; to hunt, murder, dismember, gorge on blood, consume haggis and kidney pie, gamble away their familial fortune, marry below their station (and below their stature, when the lady is an Amazon), vote Whig, perform sudden and voluntary manual labor, cultivate orchids, collect butterflies and Limoges snuff boxes, and perpetrate other such odious evil—unless properly contained.”

That is, indeed, a great deal of odious evil. Especially the haggis and kidney pie! (Locations 207-213 and 213-217 in Kindle edition)

This gives you a bit of an idea about the hilariousness of this book! The idea of men going through a monthly Affliction, and the way they use it as another bragging point, building and/or buying cages and crates and chains... and typical overcompensation as to their various sizes. I love the way the author has taken the notion and just run with it to extreme (and extremely funny) lengths. The same with the absurd Mr. Collins and his ridiculous ideas about crossbreeding native Australian fauna with British, such as the kangaroo with goats. It was almost beaten to death, but it was hilarious. Also some of the ideas people had about the origins of such animals was very funny, such as the description of a platypus as “the natural offspring of a duck, otter, beaver, snake, crocodile, gazelle, porcupine, and, I am told, a watercress-fed water buffalo—”

There is a bit of a problem with typos littering the book. I saw “tired” for “tried,” “game” for “gave, “wrecked” ‘for “wreaked”, and “bread” for “bred” among others. Most of them I skipped right over, but the “bread/bred” one was particularly ironic, since it was talking about how the Brighton Duck was “bread” for ferocity and monstrousness or some-such. That one made me laugh quite a lot, as I thought to myself, “I daresay she means ‘bred’, for whilst a duck might eat ‘bread’, they are nonetheless ‘bred’ from one generation to the next.” Then I laughed some more at how I’d unconsciously picked up the wording style of the book. I laughed again later in remembrance when Mr. Collins began his ridiculous rants about crossbreeding Australian fauna with British.

The dueling-editors thing was something that wasn’t quite pulled off to full effect, in this reader’s humble opinion. There were some moments of true hilarity, it is true, but some of them felt forced. I think the ones where the editors are basically just talking to each other could have been excised and that would have felt better to me. I certainly wouldn’t recommend skipping them, because some of them are pure comedy gold, such as footnote 62 regarding the nature of a preservative, but if it annoys you to flip back and forth, even using an e-reader, then maybe save some of them for the end? Another instance in which I feel the ball was dropped was the spoken language of the various characters. Overall it was very good, but there was the profligate use of “got” and “get” within the speech patterns that I cannot help but believe was not at all common among the people of the time.

At the risk of making an already-long review ever longer, I wanted to comment in general about how the world has changed in 200 years! Consider in Regency England a tan was considered “coarse,” yet today we are considered “sickly looking” if we are too pale. Not to mention how the use of the language has changed (deteriorated in my own opinion) from the gracious gentility of the time. Again in my opinion, reverting somewhat to a more lovely use of the language, rather than the hurried and ugly version we use today, would do nothing but improve the world overall.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book a lot. Any flaws were minor and easily overlooked for the most part. Again there were a few drawings scattered through the book, showcasing this author’s many talents. I believe Nazarian did the spirit of Jane Austen justice in this satire, with love and laughter, so fans of Jane Austen’s work ought to enjoy this. Fan of cross-genre mock-ups and satires will also want to be certain to read this wonderful story. Highly recommended!

Disclosure: I picked up a copy of this book from Amazon during a free promotion because I so enjoyed the book Northanger Abbey and Angels and Demons. No review has been requested. All opinions are my own.

Synopsis: "When the moon is full over Regency England, all the gentlemen are subject to its curse.

Mr. Darcy, however, harbors a Dreadful Secret..."

Shape-shifting demons mingle with Australian wildlife, polite society, and high satire, in this elegant, hilarious, witty, insane, and unexpectedly romantic supernatural parody of Jane Austen's classic novel.

The powerful, mysterious, handsome, and odious Mr. Darcy announces that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is not good enough to tempt him. The young lady determines to find out his one secret weakness—all the while surviving unwanted proposals, Regency balls, foolish sisters, seductive wolves, matchmaking mothers, malodorous skunks, general lunacy, and the demonic onslaught of the entire wild animal kingdom!

What awaits her is something unexpected. And only moon, matrimony, and true love can overcome pride and prejudice!

"Gentle Reader—this Delightful Illustrated Edition includes Scholarly Footnotes and Appendices.”

[Sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, I need to stop laughing and 'ahhing'. This was such a funny and cute take on Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice. It mooshes 'tongue firmly in cheek' paranormal with the original Pride & Prejudice writing. I'm not going to bother summarizing the story because it pretty much follows the P&P storyline faithfully with just the insertion of the male Affliction. More about that in a moment. I'm just going to highlight the paranormal element which was cute and creative in its way.

This P&P story retelling assumes that all the men are cursed with an Affliction where at puberty they start changing into a demon animal during the nights of the full moon or when under extreme duress. The male's animal is usually determined by heredity and the type of animal influences class status to a certain extent. There is a whole cultural thing with it where ladies admire a gentleman's cage and locks for his cage and his animal as much as they do his human trappings of birth, status and income. There is a stigma attached to not turning into a noble beast as opposed to a lesser creature. Oh, and the male's personality is influenced by his beast particularly when it is near the full moon time.

With all that in mind, it was fun to learn what each male character's beast was. Mr. Bennet was an indolent lion, Bingley was a pacing tiger, Wickham was a wolf, Mr. Collins- well lets just say it was hilarious when it was revealed. Darcy's beast is revealed fairly early on too, but it is his biggest secret. I'm going to leave that little surprise for you too.

I need to add that there are hilarious and sometimes annoying footnote comments throughout and also there are sprinkled between the story pages cute sketches done by the author. The backcover is also an interest because of the hilarious recommendations. What a hoot!

While I did get a bit tired of the references to cages, I thoroughly enjoyed this rendition of P&P. This was the third written in a series that takes each Jane Austen tale and adds a paranormal element to it. It is my first read in the series and I definitely plan to go back and read the others. Those who enjoy gentle, humor-filled monster tales and can tolerate it blended with fine classic literature should give this one a try.

[kendermouse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this expecting it to be utterly ridiculous. I figured I would get some MST3k/rifftrax style amusement out of it. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was not at all what I expected.

It was actually quite an enjoyable read, so much so that I had trouble stopping so that I could get some sleep. There were plenty of parts where I was laughing so loudly that I woke my husband up.

Vera Nazarian seamlessly weaves her ideas into the narrative, making them fit with little trouble. Little details like regimental cages and affliction steak make it work.

My only real complaint is the sexist inherent in the way the affliction is treated as a plot device, particularly the reasoning behind why men have it, and women don't. It's a small enough issue though, given that it is based off of a story that was set and written in a time when sexism was a way of life.

Oh. There was one area in which I was not disappointed with a lack of terribleness. The footnotes were utterly ridiculous, but in an entirely amusing way. I found, contrary to another reviewer's opinion, that they were not really in the way all that much. You can tap the number to read a note, then tap the number again to return to where you were in the story, so it's not like you have to search to find your place again.

All in all, I would definitely recommend giving this book a try, provided you heed my warning, and beware of the duck.

[Teresita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ridiculous in a very funny way

On of the most absurd and entertaining stories I've read, either JAFF or non JAFF.
If you need some levity and laughs, this is the book for you.

[Elisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars - half star down because it's a retelling

Over the years I've read very few Jane Austen's retelling and I was let down by most of them; it's hard to add something new to such widely known and appreciated works without ruining their very essence. Therefore I usually prefer to avoid disappointment by not reading them.
In this case I made an exception because, having read other Vera Nazarian's works I was pleasantly impressed by her wonderful writing skills which allow her to keep pace with her wild imagination, I had something to look forward to and perhaps it was because this was a parody and not a serious retelling, but it really worked for me!
The general storyline is most faithful to the original work and knowing it by heart there were no real surprises there, but the added parts, the masterfully flowing way in which they were added so that the reader doesn't really perceive any difference in style and writing, the absurdity of their content made me laugh more than once. It might not suit everyone's tastes, but it suited mine more than well and it made an awesome Christmas present to myself.

So now I dutifully wait for an add-on to Vampires are from Venus, Werewolves are from Mars which will explain how we may catch and keep the attention of our wereplatypus love interest while keeping always in mind to pay attention the deadly poisonous spur!

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was very wary starting this book because I thought it would be a lot like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I wasn't a fan of. I was pleasantly surprised with how entertaining this story was with the supernatural elements. Vera Nazarian supplements Jane Austen's prose with the additions and modifications to incorporate this new element (all men turn into mammals at the full moon). I found that part dragged a bit. Since I am already familiar with Austen, I would have rather read it exclusively in Nazarian's own words. There were a couple of wonderings I had about the Curse of Affliction, and how it can affect women, but I won't spoil the story here.

An odd observation I had about the Kobo version of this book - every new line was a new page. It was so frustrating to read, and I couldn't modify it in my settings.

[Buck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was flat-out floored by the quality of the writing. I was immediately transported to the 17th century, and Vera's incredible idea of the monthly male Ordeal was not only ingenious, but written with great skill. The footnotes are an amazing idea of themselves; fortunately, if a different reader finds them too distracting, they can be ignored without losing the gorgeous flavour of the book. I like history, and have read many an account written in the sometimes florid language of 1800, but this isn't like that. There's just enough of an homage to Ms Austen to keep the reader in the spirit of the times. Very well done!

[Maggi LeDuc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't rate this book because I'm still in the midst of the what-the-fuckery over its plot. On the one hand I was left with a lot of questions over the supernatural portions of the plot that didn't seem totally thought out. On the the other hand, however, I read the entire thing in two sittings and only put it down to sleep, which must say something good about the plot?

[Talia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aw, Mr Darcy turns into a platypus! This book was so funny. I loved it!

[Maddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this Pride and Prejudice reimaging. I read the original a few years ago, but it appears that 2019 is a year of reading (and watching) Jane Austen's works and alternative versions of them for me. This is the second Pride and Prejudice reimaging that I've read this year. Despite this book being over 500 pages, I finished it rather quickly. Half of it is probably because it was Jane Austen and the other half was that the parts that Nazarain added were funny and kept my interest.

I know this can seem gimmicky. I was never into the Vampires and Werewolves like most girls my age were. I was a high school freshman when the Twilight craze hit hard. But this is much better than Twilight! Again, this is based on the original Austen text so that's probably a large portion of why. Also though, Mr. Darcy as a were-platypus is hilarious and kind of adorable.

Pride and Platypus is essentially the same story as Jane Austen's Classic but with all the male characters afflicted with a lunar curse that turns them into animals at every full moon. Not everyone has the same animal either. Mr. Bennett is a Lion, for example. There are also panthers, wolves, tigers, bears, dogs, swans, and a platypus in the cast. Mr. Collins' animal is entirely appropriate but I'm not going to say what he is.

For some reason there is a demon duck that randomly appears and attacks people, though I'm not sure really why it was in the story. I thought that Wickham was the duck, initially, but that didn't end up being the case. So it was a comedic element and caused more strife to Lizzie and the other characters, when the main drama about who was marrying who wasn't enough.

The women are not typically afflicted with the lunar curse and there was a reason for this (which I'm not saying again to keep from spoiling the end). I mean, if you know Pride and Prejudice, you already know the ending, really but there are supernatural elements to this story that weren't in the original book, thus a few new twists to the original plotlines.

I gave this four and a half stars! This was kooky, but still enjoyable. If you enjoy Austen and don't take your reading too seriously, you should enjoy this book. I would suggest this book for readers of paranormal, regency, or Victorian romance.

[Carol Perrin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy's Dreadful Secret

Well, this isn't Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, but what a fanciful story. Followed Austen's story rather closely, but added a supernatural comical twist. Poor Darcy. Keep his dreadful secret from everyone, except Elizabeth Bennet the woman he loved. He dreaded this secret, but by far he was more unique than the other men who suffered from the Afflictions. The platypus is one of two animals in the monotreme group of mammals. He shouldn't be ashamed, because indeed, he is rare. The numbered notes at the end are hysterical. Worth the read so don't skip over them. Surprising twist when Lizzy finally admits her love. It took a great sense of humor and talent to write a parody on one of the world's most beloved love stories in Literature.

[Castiron · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a fun read, and the shapeshifting/werecreatures are amusing.

My main issue with the book (which I also had with Mansfield Park and Mummies, and which I'd likely have with other authors' takes on Austen Novel plus Supernatural Elements) is that the supernatural elements really ought to change the story more than they actually do. Of course the people writing these stories are trying to keep close to the originals, but I'd love to read something by an author who lets the worldbuilding actually affect the plot and characters.

Still, it was good entertainment (Mr. Collins' were-self makes so much sense, and the bit with Georgianna was lovely), and I certainly found it worth the time to read.

[Auggy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. I had to be in the right mood to read it but it really made me laugh out loud many times. (I kept having to explain to my husband what I found so funny though, and that never went well. Try explaining this book without people looking at you VERY strangely.) The writing style blends perfectly with the Austen bits we know and love. My eReader (Kobo) did have a few issues with the footnotes, which were a little bit of a hassle and alternated between completely unnecessary and delightfully amusing. I do feel I was missing a little bit of an inside joke with the duck though.
4.5 rounded up.

[Liz Stoneking · Rating 5 out of 5]

You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love this silly book. The bestial absurdity, mingled with the timeless tale of wonderful Elizabeth Bennet and dreamy Fitzwilliam Darcy, is absolutely delightful. I thought the heavy tongue and cheek humor would get old quickly, but I was rather surprised to be whisked along with the familiar story and whimsical twist.

[Libby Chapman · Rating 5 out of 5]

“QUACK!”

The presence of the dastardly Brighton Duck alone makes this a winner. Moon-mad men metamorphosise into more mangy mammals. And Wickham is still a beast in whatever form he takes.

This book is mad as a bag of badgers (not that I would ever suggest such cruelty to badgers, Gentle Reader.)

I loved it!

[Vicky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pride and Prejudice, but all the men turn into various animals every full moon. A little slow to get started, but overall, retains the charm of Pride and Prejudice, while making me laugh (sometimes out loud) at the additions.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Apparently I'm a total Austen junky when even fan fiction and Darcy turning into a platypus makes me all swoony.

[Menardo V.Pineda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very Awesome Book so i give a Four stars!!!!

[Jack · Rating 1 out of 5]

what??????

[LA Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilariously good fun!

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a bit of Austen's original prose here, with some very charming and fantastical twists.

Highly enjoyable!

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very entertaining, and excellent continuity from Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons!

[Leigh Kimmel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading this way back in 2012, but I just sort of got stuck. I kept intending to get back to it, but it never quite happened. Finally I decided I really wanted to get a bunch of stuff off my plate that had been hanging fire far too long, so I pushed through to the end.

I think it's just that the humor isn't a good match for my funny bone. I loved Mansfield Park and Mummies for its wit, but the business of lycanthropy afflicting England's upper crust is just a little too broad of humor for my taste.

However, if your tastes run closer to slapstick or absurdism, you may well give this five stars.

[Christie Serrano · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lord what a waste of my money!

This was such a disappointment! If I want to reread Pride and Prejudice I could have! Seeing as I own the book! I just wasted my time and money! Not happy at all!

[Hillary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly silly and full of shenanigans. The worldbuilding was rather complete, even given the silliness is the premise. The scholarly footnotes gag was funny, but not as funny as the author thought it was. 

[Marmom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical and absolutely unhinged.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Impossible to explain but somehow it really worked for me

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought it was a comical retelling of a classic story. As long as going into it with an open mind and not expecting it to be the original it's fun.