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Trophy Child: Saving Parents from Performance, Preparing Children for Something Greater Than Themselves
The Anti-Tiger Mom Book. Do you cringe when your kids fight in public because it makes you look bad? Do you find yourself helping too much with homework because you want the teacher to be impressed? Do you secretly take credit for your child's soccer win? You might be in danger of vanity parenting. Vanity parenting happens when our culture's obsession with performance lead us to form expectations for our kids based on the world's standards. As a result, our children try to meet our emotional needs instead of growing into the calling God has for them. Trophy Child will help you create a home where your children find success in following their heavenly father - and you know the joy of seeing your children embrace their full potential as children of God.
Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2012
32 people are currently reading
329 people want to read
About the author
Kirby Heyborne
734 books46 followersNARRATOR:
Kirby Heyborne has received critical acclaim for his starring role in the award-winning World War II drama Saints and Soldiers. He has had starring roles in eight other features and two short films, and has also appeared on the WB’s Everwood and many national commercials. He has garnered rave reviews for his narration for Books on Tape over the years and is considered one of the finest narrators working today.
(source: Dreamscape)
Kirby Heyborne has received critical acclaim for his starring role in the award-winning World War II drama Saints and Soldiers. He has had starring roles in eight other features and two short films, and has also appeared on the WB’s Everwood and many national commercials. He has garnered rave reviews for his narration for Books on Tape over the years and is considered one of the finest narrators working today.
(source: Dreamscape)
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
August 16, 2015
I really enjoy Ted Cunningham every time I hear him on Focus on the Family. This book covers a lot of material I had heard from him already but was a good reminder. It's practical, it's timely and there are a ton of great ideas for improving your home in here. The best part of this book is the focus on marriage (and explaining why children should not be the center of the home). I would recommend this not only for parenting, but for marriage discussion. I'm also starting to listen to some of Ted's sermons from Woodland Hills, which are along the same lines. If you like Kevin Lehman's books on marriage and parenting, this is very similar.
February 3, 2018
I had to get out the laptop to write a thorough review. This book rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like the author was greatly judging other parents. He has zero credentials for counseling, except that he is a pastor. He is not a licensed professional counselor or psychologist. I would read this book as completely anecdotal. His thoughts are not based on any research that he has completed. View this book as you friend giving you some unwanted and inexperienced advice. In other words, take it with a grain of salt. He has not even raised children through the difficult teenage years. You know how before you have kids you say, I WOULD NEVER X, Y, Z. He is completely doing that throughout the entire book.
He needs to edit the title, while he starts explaining his trophy child theory, then the book is all over the place. He could have written this novel in a few blog posts, and that might have been where this book came from.
Pros: I did like the chapter with the children's hands-on devotional. I might actually use that. I also like the last chapter with the practical things to strengthen your marriage. Except, it doesn't entirely fit with the novel. And then the book abruptly ends with the marriage advice chapter. I also like his point of view on explaining female and male genitalia. I think it's great to discuss sex and body parts early on with kids and remove the shame.
Chapter 2: Trophy Parents is a chapter based on hearsay. His case studies were based on his friend's clients that were sent to a clinic. He has zero interaction with these particular families, but this does not prevent him from laying down the judgement.
I felt like the entire book was commercial for his church and for the sleep away camp (again he's taking illustrations and examples from cases he doesn't really have direct influence with).
He is speaking from a place of privilege and that the rules don't apply to him. His wife basically rolls her eyes when parents try to get special class placement for Sunday school. And then at the ropes course, he asks for special treatment for his child.
I do not think his parenting advice is even that sound. He says that he doesn't mind laying down the law when his kids are not listening to his wife. Well, this can undermine his wife's authority, if he has to be the heavy hitter.
He needs to edit the title, while he starts explaining his trophy child theory, then the book is all over the place. He could have written this novel in a few blog posts, and that might have been where this book came from.
Pros: I did like the chapter with the children's hands-on devotional. I might actually use that. I also like the last chapter with the practical things to strengthen your marriage. Except, it doesn't entirely fit with the novel. And then the book abruptly ends with the marriage advice chapter. I also like his point of view on explaining female and male genitalia. I think it's great to discuss sex and body parts early on with kids and remove the shame.
Chapter 2: Trophy Parents is a chapter based on hearsay. His case studies were based on his friend's clients that were sent to a clinic. He has zero interaction with these particular families, but this does not prevent him from laying down the judgement.
I felt like the entire book was commercial for his church and for the sleep away camp (again he's taking illustrations and examples from cases he doesn't really have direct influence with).
He is speaking from a place of privilege and that the rules don't apply to him. His wife basically rolls her eyes when parents try to get special class placement for Sunday school. And then at the ropes course, he asks for special treatment for his child.
I do not think his parenting advice is even that sound. He says that he doesn't mind laying down the law when his kids are not listening to his wife. Well, this can undermine his wife's authority, if he has to be the heavy hitter.
May 20, 2017
Good book on raising your child to find the ultimate purpose of God's calling in his/her life and not to be a performance-driven or self-centered child. Book also focuses on making sure the family unit is not kid-focused to the point where marriage suffers. The main points of the book are great and highly important. However, 3 stars because the writing was a bit tangential (kept delving into marital advice) and elementary in style. Also I felt the author spent a good portion of the book listing examples of what he does right to avoid raising a trophy child, and it came across a bit self righteous.
July 16, 2017
Pastor Ted gives very sound advice for teaching parents the best way to raise their children into responsible, driven, and emotionally stable adults who love the Lord. Good read overall with many good points on guiding and redirecting children's behavior and decisions so they can not only think for themselves, but eliminate the need for helicopter parenting.
September 12, 2020
We loved discussing the questions in the book, and the whole book made for great conversation, but I think the points could have been made in less pages...a lot less. And it was at times too serious for my taste. Your daughter doesn't need to be prepared for marriage at age 5 and can safely say she wants to stay at home forever. You don't have to correct that :-)
July 7, 2017
This is an excellent book that talks about a child/parent relational problem which has been pretty common for several Generations now.
Teaching people how to stop the cycle of it will help both families and children as they grow up immensely.
Teaching people how to stop the cycle of it will help both families and children as they grow up immensely.
November 16, 2019
I LIKE THIS BOOK. ITS REALLY HELPS WHEN THE FATHER ‘S. ARE 🏠 FOR ALL THE KIDS ESPECIALLY THE BOYS. THE MOTHERS CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH AMEN.
Read
February 24, 2020Strong and practical advise for those couples in the active parenting years to not only help align parenting skills but to strengthen marriages! Thank you, Ted Cunningham!
September 15, 2012
Ted Cunningham in his new book, “Trophy Child” published by David C. Cook gives us Saving Parents from Performance, Preparing Children for Something Greater Than Themselves.
From the Back Cover: The Anti-Tiger Mom Book
Do you cringe when your kids fight in public because it makes you look bad? Do you find yourself helping too much with homework because you want the teacher to be impressed? Do you secretly take credit for your child’s dance recital, soccer win, or spelling bee crown? You might be in danger of vanity parenting.
Vanity parenting happens when our culture’s obsession with performance leads us to form expectations for our kids based on the world’s standards, not on the Bible. As a result, our children try to meet our emotional needs instead of growing into the calling God has for them.
Trophy Child will help you create a home where your children find success in following their heavenly Father’s leading for them—and you know the joy of seeing your children embrace their full potential as children of God.
It is not easy being a parent. There are no how-to manuals for parents. Not even a Parenting For Dummies book is there to help out. Due to personal issues some parents see their children as a way to make up for failures in their childhood and stop seeing the child as a person but as a trophy. That cause all kind of conflict in the home, puts undue pressure on the child causing them deep resentment to the parent. There is a way to not only overcome this problem but repair whatever damage has already been done. Pastor Cunningham explains the problem and gives advice for repair and healing, both for the parent and the child. Nine chapters, each with a Parent Gut Check at the end provide strong Biblical counsel. If you are a parent or will be a parent then this book is for you. I guarantee you this is not a book you can only read once then put it on the shelf and forget about it. You will come back to it again and again. Everyone should have a copy of this book. It will help immensely!
If you would like to listen to interviews with other authors and professionals please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where they are available On Demand.
To listen to 24 hours non-stop, commercial free Christian music please visit our internet radio station www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from David C. Cook for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
From the Back Cover: The Anti-Tiger Mom Book
Do you cringe when your kids fight in public because it makes you look bad? Do you find yourself helping too much with homework because you want the teacher to be impressed? Do you secretly take credit for your child’s dance recital, soccer win, or spelling bee crown? You might be in danger of vanity parenting.
Vanity parenting happens when our culture’s obsession with performance leads us to form expectations for our kids based on the world’s standards, not on the Bible. As a result, our children try to meet our emotional needs instead of growing into the calling God has for them.
Trophy Child will help you create a home where your children find success in following their heavenly Father’s leading for them—and you know the joy of seeing your children embrace their full potential as children of God.
It is not easy being a parent. There are no how-to manuals for parents. Not even a Parenting For Dummies book is there to help out. Due to personal issues some parents see their children as a way to make up for failures in their childhood and stop seeing the child as a person but as a trophy. That cause all kind of conflict in the home, puts undue pressure on the child causing them deep resentment to the parent. There is a way to not only overcome this problem but repair whatever damage has already been done. Pastor Cunningham explains the problem and gives advice for repair and healing, both for the parent and the child. Nine chapters, each with a Parent Gut Check at the end provide strong Biblical counsel. If you are a parent or will be a parent then this book is for you. I guarantee you this is not a book you can only read once then put it on the shelf and forget about it. You will come back to it again and again. Everyone should have a copy of this book. It will help immensely!
If you would like to listen to interviews with other authors and professionals please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where they are available On Demand.
To listen to 24 hours non-stop, commercial free Christian music please visit our internet radio station www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book for free from David C. Cook for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
January 26, 2013
Trophy Child is a book that challenges parents to examine our hearts behind how we parent. It isn't a detailed list on how to be a better parent or how to have a better child. Instead the author invites us to look at our motivations. He shares about his own experiences parenting and includes a "gut check" for each of us at the end of each chapter.
The five primary motives of parents who display their children are:
We obsess over achievement and competition
We create environments where our kids can succeed rather than preparing them for environments they cannot control
We accelerate childhood milestones and delay adulthood milestones
We take too much credit and too much blame for the way our kids turn out
We connect with our children more frequently and for longer periods of time
There are several types of trophy parents.
The Vanity Parent
The Perfection Parent
The Competitive Parent
The Return of Investment Parent
The Gifted Parent
The Companion Parent
The Rescue Parent
As I read more about vanity parenting I realized that there are times I fall into this category. I have had those moments when I was more concerned that how my children behaved and the choices they made reflected on me as their mother.
My favorite chapter in the book is Kids Who Follow Jesus. The author reminds us of God's love language - Jesus. When we love Jesus and observe all that He taught, we show the Father love.
Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.
The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.
Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.
My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
John 14:21, 23
In this chapter the author talks about connecting our children to God through them getting to know Jesus. Part of that connection means knowing and abiding in the Word. In order for them to know God, they must know what He says.
I was challenged by this book and encouraged by it as well.
The five primary motives of parents who display their children are:
We obsess over achievement and competition
We create environments where our kids can succeed rather than preparing them for environments they cannot control
We accelerate childhood milestones and delay adulthood milestones
We take too much credit and too much blame for the way our kids turn out
We connect with our children more frequently and for longer periods of time
There are several types of trophy parents.
The Vanity Parent
The Perfection Parent
The Competitive Parent
The Return of Investment Parent
The Gifted Parent
The Companion Parent
The Rescue Parent
As I read more about vanity parenting I realized that there are times I fall into this category. I have had those moments when I was more concerned that how my children behaved and the choices they made reflected on me as their mother.
My favorite chapter in the book is Kids Who Follow Jesus. The author reminds us of God's love language - Jesus. When we love Jesus and observe all that He taught, we show the Father love.
Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.
The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.
Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.
My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
John 14:21, 23
In this chapter the author talks about connecting our children to God through them getting to know Jesus. Part of that connection means knowing and abiding in the Word. In order for them to know God, they must know what He says.
I was challenged by this book and encouraged by it as well.
January 26, 2016
I fell in love with Ted's teaching when we attended one of his marriage and parenting conferences when I was pregnant with our first son. So while I already was familiar with his thoughts on prioritizing marriage and NOT having a kid-centered home, this book gives a lot more detail and practical application. And of course with Ted's incredible humor added in! Our kids' very definition of marriage comes from us... I love that this book focuses as much on marriage as it does parenting. "The greatest gift you can give your children is a mom and dad who love and enjoy each other." If you're a Jesus follower and a parent, put this book on your list.
August 1, 2016
This book started out so promising. The thesis was great, clear, and well articulated. Unfortunately, after the first 50 pages or so, it went sideways. The book should've been a concise 120 pages but instead was a bloated 227. Along with some questionable parenting advice, like telling your elementary aged daughter to "be excited when her breasts develop", the book doesn't have an ending. Chapter 9 ends with a list of things to spice up your marriage. It doesn't wrap up the main idea, there is no conclusion, just a list. What?
December 27, 2012
This was a good book that offered a different perspective on parenting than many ( including myself) often don't embrace. A lot of good points and ideas on how to raise a child that is ready for adulthood and to live on their own. Who likes to think about that... but don't we all need to at some point? Good book.
June 6, 2013
The author does an excellent job addressing the balance that parents need to strike with their kids.
One of the better parts of the book is where he explains small mini-lessons that parents can use to teach their kids about God and Biblical principles.
Good resource, I read it because I got it free on Kindle and it seemed to juxtapose itself against Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
One of the better parts of the book is where he explains small mini-lessons that parents can use to teach their kids about God and Biblical principles.
Good resource, I read it because I got it free on Kindle and it seemed to juxtapose itself against Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
January 23, 2013
Cunningham does a wonderful job of showing parents what they really look like in an identifiable way. He goes further to show how parents can stop being vanity or trophy parents and support their children to be all God planned for their lives.
August 12, 2014
This was a good book. Interesting read for me as my 4 boys are all grown. It was encouraging that the thoughts I've had about performance oriented parenting were not just mine floating around in my head.
February 13, 2015
Loved it!
Tells the truth. Many homes have gotten away from putting mom and dad first. The marriage is the most special relationship in the home, then the children. When mom and dad are united and love each other, that is the best gift they can give their children.
Tells the truth. Many homes have gotten away from putting mom and dad first. The marriage is the most special relationship in the home, then the children. When mom and dad are united and love each other, that is the best gift they can give their children.
October 2, 2016
Loved this book. Read it with Jeff over several months. The devotions are great for discussion at the dinner table. Highly recommend anything by this author if you are looking for straight talk about marriage and family.
Want to read
February 13, 2013Highly recommended by my friend, and Women's Ministry Director at FBC Naples, Shannon Moore.
February 16, 2016
Really helpful and challenging
January 7, 2015
Cunningham makes lots of great points in this book. This is a great book for any Christian parents (kids of any age) to read and would be especially good to use in a small group.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews