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The Florida History and Culture Series
Alligators in B-Flat: Improbable Tales from the Files of Real Florida
“Jeff Klinkenberg is the ghost orchid of Florida nonfiction; an observer who prefers swamps and shadows to sunshine banalities; a prose writer of distinction whose roots seek out, then elegantly entwine, that which is fine and funny, outrageous and rare about our beloved state. Alligators in B-Flat is a virtuoso performance, and proves, once again, that Klinkenberg is among our finest writers.”—Randy Wayne White
“You read this fine writer and you stare with him into the canals for the dark shape of a manatee and listen for rumors of alligators and stand over the grave of a green snake in the yard in mourning. This is a writer who has never forgotten any of the mystery of this mysterious place, who never allowed his paradise to be paved over in concrete, at least inside his heart, and I could read him all day.”—Rick Bragg
“If Jeff Klinkenberg isn’t careful, he might give journalism a good name.”—Carl Hiaasen
“No one captures the old, secret Florida, the Florida of the swamps and forests where alligators and panthers rule, like Klinkenberg does. He uses his formidable reportorial skills to get fantastic (often hilariously funny) stories which belie the ghastly six-lane, strip-mall, gated-community, golf-course, air-conditioned, theme-parked Nature-wrecking Florida that most of its citizens know. Almost everything Klinkenberg writes is a public service as well as an enriching and educating experience.”—Diane Roberts, author of Dream State
Florida is a civilized place with eighteen million residents and all of the modern amenities one might fine universities, art museums, world-class restaurants, and luxury accommodations. It is also home to panthers, bears, rattlesnakes, and alligators. In this collection of essays about Florida culture—the things that make Florida “Florida”— Jeff Klinkenberg sets his sights on the contradictions that comprise the Sunshine State.
With a keen eye for detail and a lyrical style, Klinkenberg takes us meandering through the swamps and back roads of Florida, stopping to acquaint us with the curious and kooky characters he meets along the way. These sometimes hilarious, sometimes reminiscent stories are as strange and mesmerizing as the people inhabiting this wacky peninsula. Klinkenberg is a journalist who conveys a deep fondness for his state and the curiosity behind his ongoing explorations in each story. Who else would engage a symphony orchestra tuba player to determine if bull gators will thunderously bellow back in a low B-flat during mating season (they do, but they only respond to that pitch).
Readers will join Klinkenberg as he roams through the twisted roots of past and present, describing a beautifully swampy place that is becoming increasingly endangered. The traditional ways of the scallop shuckers, moss weavers, and cane grinders in his stories are now threatened by corporate greed, environmental degradation, and mass construction. From fishing camps and country stores to museums and libraries, Klinkenberg is forever unearthing the magic that makes Florida a place worth celebrating. Join him in contemplating Florida, both old and new, a place that is as quirky and enigmatic as it is burgeoning.
“You read this fine writer and you stare with him into the canals for the dark shape of a manatee and listen for rumors of alligators and stand over the grave of a green snake in the yard in mourning. This is a writer who has never forgotten any of the mystery of this mysterious place, who never allowed his paradise to be paved over in concrete, at least inside his heart, and I could read him all day.”—Rick Bragg
“If Jeff Klinkenberg isn’t careful, he might give journalism a good name.”—Carl Hiaasen
“No one captures the old, secret Florida, the Florida of the swamps and forests where alligators and panthers rule, like Klinkenberg does. He uses his formidable reportorial skills to get fantastic (often hilariously funny) stories which belie the ghastly six-lane, strip-mall, gated-community, golf-course, air-conditioned, theme-parked Nature-wrecking Florida that most of its citizens know. Almost everything Klinkenberg writes is a public service as well as an enriching and educating experience.”—Diane Roberts, author of Dream State
Florida is a civilized place with eighteen million residents and all of the modern amenities one might fine universities, art museums, world-class restaurants, and luxury accommodations. It is also home to panthers, bears, rattlesnakes, and alligators. In this collection of essays about Florida culture—the things that make Florida “Florida”— Jeff Klinkenberg sets his sights on the contradictions that comprise the Sunshine State.
With a keen eye for detail and a lyrical style, Klinkenberg takes us meandering through the swamps and back roads of Florida, stopping to acquaint us with the curious and kooky characters he meets along the way. These sometimes hilarious, sometimes reminiscent stories are as strange and mesmerizing as the people inhabiting this wacky peninsula. Klinkenberg is a journalist who conveys a deep fondness for his state and the curiosity behind his ongoing explorations in each story. Who else would engage a symphony orchestra tuba player to determine if bull gators will thunderously bellow back in a low B-flat during mating season (they do, but they only respond to that pitch).
Readers will join Klinkenberg as he roams through the twisted roots of past and present, describing a beautifully swampy place that is becoming increasingly endangered. The traditional ways of the scallop shuckers, moss weavers, and cane grinders in his stories are now threatened by corporate greed, environmental degradation, and mass construction. From fishing camps and country stores to museums and libraries, Klinkenberg is forever unearthing the magic that makes Florida a place worth celebrating. Join him in contemplating Florida, both old and new, a place that is as quirky and enigmatic as it is burgeoning.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2013
20 people are currently reading
151 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
May 26, 2018
This is the best book I have read so far in 2018. The stories (true stories) that Klinkenberg has unearthed from every corner of Florida are charming and it gives me hope that perhaps right around the corner in my own stomping ground there is probably some memorable character who has something to tell me or show me.
Besides the title story (which is entirely worth the price of admission, and then some) about the bellowing alligators responding to a Tuba pitch of B-flat two octaves below Middle C (and you can actually find footage of this experiment on YouTube), the rest of the book is equally full of revelations.
A female fashion photographer and former model who takes glamour shots of women; another woman photographer who stalks the elusive Florida panther; A fellow who lives on a raft he built, a la Huckleberry Finn; and Worm Grunters-people who employ a method of pounding on the soil which drives all the worms to the surface in a thundering horde, which they then harvest to sell to fishermen--these are just a very few of the unusual people Klinkenberg convinced to speak with him and let him visit their environs.
What exhilarated me about Klinkenberg's book was that in our cookie cutter world, where we see the same fast food outlets, listen to radio stations that all play the same 20 songs, and live in houses, apartments, condos or even mobile homes that all follow the same basic template, here in various pockets of life in mostly-rural Florida are people whose lives seem different; unique. Also, the work they do seems self-motivated.
One of my favorite stories (difficult to have a favorite) is a truck stop cafe called Chiappini's, attached to a true full-service gas station that has been passed down from family members since 1935. It exists in a time warp where no one is encouraged to eat their lunch and move along; rather, "loitering" is the most welcome norm.
In 1994, Chiappini's contract with their gasoline supplier was terminated because their station "was not modern enough to meet company standards." The owners were compelled to switch to a more expensive gasoline supplier and pass that cost along to customers, who did not care, and continue to loiter there as before.
This book is a treasure and a reminder to keep your eyes open and travel out of your usual orbit from time to time.
Besides the title story (which is entirely worth the price of admission, and then some) about the bellowing alligators responding to a Tuba pitch of B-flat two octaves below Middle C (and you can actually find footage of this experiment on YouTube), the rest of the book is equally full of revelations.
A female fashion photographer and former model who takes glamour shots of women; another woman photographer who stalks the elusive Florida panther; A fellow who lives on a raft he built, a la Huckleberry Finn; and Worm Grunters-people who employ a method of pounding on the soil which drives all the worms to the surface in a thundering horde, which they then harvest to sell to fishermen--these are just a very few of the unusual people Klinkenberg convinced to speak with him and let him visit their environs.
What exhilarated me about Klinkenberg's book was that in our cookie cutter world, where we see the same fast food outlets, listen to radio stations that all play the same 20 songs, and live in houses, apartments, condos or even mobile homes that all follow the same basic template, here in various pockets of life in mostly-rural Florida are people whose lives seem different; unique. Also, the work they do seems self-motivated.
One of my favorite stories (difficult to have a favorite) is a truck stop cafe called Chiappini's, attached to a true full-service gas station that has been passed down from family members since 1935. It exists in a time warp where no one is encouraged to eat their lunch and move along; rather, "loitering" is the most welcome norm.
In 1994, Chiappini's contract with their gasoline supplier was terminated because their station "was not modern enough to meet company standards." The owners were compelled to switch to a more expensive gasoline supplier and pass that cost along to customers, who did not care, and continue to loiter there as before.
This book is a treasure and a reminder to keep your eyes open and travel out of your usual orbit from time to time.
July 24, 2019
Just the best: read any of the collected Real Florida columns of Klink, but here, just before he retired from Tampa Bay Times, is a staggeringly wonderful selection. You can sample the wonders by examining the author website at http://www.jeffklinkenberg.com/
Incidentally, an Introduction from the editors makes plain this is the LAST volume in the fine series from University Press of Florida, The Florida History and Culture Series, edited by Raymond Arsenault and Gary R. Mormino. I salute all involved and wonder what series or set of series from University Press of Florida will next appear to document Florida folklife, cultural diversity, history, archaeology, biography, and all such good things. Let's find out: their website is https://upf.com/
Highest recommendation. I'm digging out another volume asap.
Incidentally, an Introduction from the editors makes plain this is the LAST volume in the fine series from University Press of Florida, The Florida History and Culture Series, edited by Raymond Arsenault and Gary R. Mormino. I salute all involved and wonder what series or set of series from University Press of Florida will next appear to document Florida folklife, cultural diversity, history, archaeology, biography, and all such good things. Let's find out: their website is https://upf.com/
Highest recommendation. I'm digging out another volume asap.
May 31, 2025
I loved my second book about Florida recommended from a comment from the reading road rally list on Goodreads.
This book is probably only for people who love Florida and all of it's quirkiness.
I love the outdoors, the book covers many stories about the Florida Wildlife and the Florida wilderness. I look up all the places the book mentions on the map and figure out a way to visit them. He talks a lot about the Big Cypress Miccosukee Indian Preserve. We had just spent a couple of days there camping on one of the campgrounds run by the Seminole Tribe and attending their Earth Day Celebration. The Earth Day Celebration was one of the best we have attended. We received free two native plants, the native milkweed that attracts monarch butterflies and a mulberry tree seedling. We brought both home to grow in Maitland, Florida.
I enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone who loves Florida like I do. The book gives you a glimpse into the history of Florida and the changes that are happening. We soon will not have any of the Florida of old remaining with all the developments destroying the Florida landscape.
This book is probably only for people who love Florida and all of it's quirkiness.
I love the outdoors, the book covers many stories about the Florida Wildlife and the Florida wilderness. I look up all the places the book mentions on the map and figure out a way to visit them. He talks a lot about the Big Cypress Miccosukee Indian Preserve. We had just spent a couple of days there camping on one of the campgrounds run by the Seminole Tribe and attending their Earth Day Celebration. The Earth Day Celebration was one of the best we have attended. We received free two native plants, the native milkweed that attracts monarch butterflies and a mulberry tree seedling. We brought both home to grow in Maitland, Florida.
I enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone who loves Florida like I do. The book gives you a glimpse into the history of Florida and the changes that are happening. We soon will not have any of the Florida of old remaining with all the developments destroying the Florida landscape.
May 18, 2023
Interesting stories, a breadth that covers most corners of the state, and a likable effort to uncover the stark biographies of unassuming subjects. It makes you double-take every retiree and wonder how profound their life story might be. However, very Readers-Digesty writing style, not a lot of depth, borrows heavily from cliche, and the result is very kitschy and glib.
August 3, 2018
Great stories about what makes Florida special and unique. Have the book if anyone wants it.
August 4, 2018
Wonderful vignettes of old Florida by an accomplished writer. Lot of fun to read.
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January 20, 2025I read about Conrad Yankee and his bench. My brother Paul was mentioned in the story. He was a fisherman, and him and his crew were out in the Gulf of Mexico and had found the bench and returned it.
February 24, 2014
A very interesting collection of articles and stories by a St. Petersburg Times writer that seems to cover every oddball and unique place across the state of Florida. The book is a nice mix of current tales with tales of old Florida. My favorite was the story from which the book takes its title and was about alligators at Gatorland responding to notes played on orchestra instruments! A good read whether or not you are a Floridian.
September 9, 2013
I didn't abandon it partway through, but toward the end I did find myself skipping some of the essays. I don't know if I'd just had enough quirkiness or just enough of Klinkenberg's voice, but I was ready to be done with the book. Definitely captures some wonderful Floridian characters, quirks, and places, but I did not enjoy it as much as I have the author's previous work.
February 25, 2014
Jeff Klinkenberg visited and met many Floridians who have interesting stories to tell. I really enjoyed "meeting" these people who have added something to our amazing state.
February 10, 2014
Loved it! Great stories about true floridians!
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September 3, 2015Brilliant, colorful writing and unique stories that could only come from one of the WEIRDEST places to live in the United States.
April 25, 2017
Wonderful slices of life from all over Florida that are wildly diverse and interesting.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews