Raising a Self-Reliant Child: A Back-to-Basics Parenting Plan from Birth to Age 6

by Alanna Levine

With this practical guide, parents can end daily power struggles with their preschoolers, toddlers, and infants and create more time for the family to spend on things that matter by encouraging early childhood independence skills.
 
We’ve all heard the news about helicopter parents and boomerang children—but how can parents safeguard against these trends when our children’s lives are increasingly scheduled and competitive? Pediatrician Dr. Alanna Levine offers a commonsense parenting approach that avoids divisive strategies and helps parents find a balanced ground between overindulgence and strict control.
 
Raising a Self-Reliant Child focuses on teachable moments where parents can instill independence, such as sleep time, toilet training, mealtime, and playtime. With Dr. Levine’s practical strategies and techniques, young children learn to take responsibility for their daily babies learn to sleep through the night, toddlers learn to nap without their parents stretched out alongside, and school-age children learn to dress themselves and make breakfast with little parental intervention.
 
Overprotection and micromanagement keep young children from the self-development that comes naturally from learning and doing on one’s own. And children who don’t learn independence skills at an appropriate age grow into adults who expect others to fix challenges and conflicts for them. Dr. Levine helps you break the cycle of daily power struggles so that you and your family will have more time to focus on the things that really matter.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

256 pages, Paperback

Published May 7, 2013

Reviews

[Natali · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with fellow reviewers, this is a good overview of parenting basics but it is a little too broad for my taste. I think she makes strong points about encouragement and empowerment but doesn't really lend her voice or research strongly enough to back up her claims, I fear that it won't persuade parents who are prone to doing things that she is against such as spanking or bribing because it is just too high-level.

Still, I did learn a few good tips about graduating my 3 year-old to more advanced chores and tasks and those have been a success so far!

[May · Rating 1 out of 5]

More of a how to parent book than I expected. I also didn't agree with many of her suggestions philosophically.
Still. Had some suggestions that I might try out. Strangely I found while the book is to advocate the "your child can do more" message it was still full of examples where she underestimates what a child can do. The potty training section is one good example.

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Might have been more useful when my kids were littler, but it was reassuring. I found it very useful with only one section I wasn't a fan of. They advocate reward charts which I've read a lot of research which leads me in another direction. Other than that I liked it. Very readable.

[AJ Conroy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't learn anything, but it might be helpful as a primer/cliff notes for busy parents

[Hannah Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book basically serves as an overview of the AAP's current stance on different parenting topics (like sleep training, diet, discipline), but provides specific and actionable advice. I appreciated the bullet points at the end of each chapter that grouped advice by age. It can be hard to know what is meant by the somewhat general guidelines provided on the government websites, so it was nice to have very clear instructions. I especially liked the section on how to praise a child to encourage creativity and grit.

This book is for those who align with conventional medicine and doctors- more crunchy parents will likely not agree with some of the advice presented. For example, book is in favor of sleep training and strongly advises against co-sleeping. However, there's something there for everyone, as book advises against physical punishments, like spanking your child, and provides developmentally effective alternatives for each age to discourage inappropriate behaviors.

I'll probably return to this book to skim it as my baby reaches different developmental milestones.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the book had some good helpful ideas and tips. I feel personally that it helped reenforce a lot of what I am already doing, which is a nice feeling. I can see where some parents might not like this more hands off, and sometimes harsh feeling, approach, but I do.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked how many practical tips the author gave. It was a good overview of a variety of experiences I expect to have as a parent.

[Janessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book overall, chapters 6-10 were particularly helpful.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m surprised that most reviews here seem kind of negative. I really enjoyed this book and I think it’s very to the point and offers quite a few good advices that’s actionable.

I’m going to have my baby very soon and I look forward to trying some of the advices.

[Lucinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth buying to refer to as the little one grows up. It is so easy to coddle your child these days, in fact a resource book given to me by my healthcare provider during pregnancy (a book meant to guide a woman through pregnancy and into the early stages of caring for your baby)advises pretty much the opposite of what Levine advocates (the crying to extinction thing). Overall, though, I think her philosophy is sound - guiding our children into becoming capable and self-sufficient individuals starts with some very basic parenting skills related to everyday stuff like sleeping, potty-training, eating, etc.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I skimmed this book and focused on the early chapters and those sections that pertain to very young babies, so this is not a comprehensive review. However, I thought this book offered manageable, concrete suggestions from a very common-sense, moderate viewpoint. No fads here! I appreciated the summaries of other well-known approaches (the sleep section offers the best of Weissbluth and Ferber). I'll be checking this book out again when toddler-hood arrives!

[Alissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Combines sound advice with practical how-to's including pushing reset if you have a toddler and haven't been practicing some of the things she recommends. After reading this I've been encouraged for foster more independence for both my girls - including letting Abbi walk more and making Luci put her shoes on. Might need to buy and refer to.

[Kellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing new or earth-shattering here, but it has plenty of helpful tips, reminders and examples. Her writing is clear and her voice doesn't come across as too academic. Perhaps it's a bit petty of me, but I did get a bit tired of reading about how great her kids, and her interactions with them, are.

[Axie Barclay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book. We have a pretty laid back approach to childcare, since we raise livestock and have the attitude that the child/calf/puppy/whatever will let you know what they need. This was a great resource for showing parents how to empower their kids and think on their level. It really helped me conceptualize how to, excuse the cliche, help my son be all that he can be.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I read this just after my third child was born, I found I could really relate. I already use some if the techniques discussed, but for a new parent this would be a great resource to read.

[Kate Werme · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great insight to raising a self-reliant and self-confident child. Lot's of great tips and reasons behind the philosophy.

[Joe Vess]

I'm marking this read, though I've not exactly read all of it. And I'll give it a review in six years after I figure out how helpful it is...

[Tricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

All the advice in the book was actually pretty straight forward common sense.