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Before You Say "I Do"
You’ve Planned Every Detail of Your Wedding—But Have You Planned Your Marriage? Written by a pastor who has counseled hundreds of couples, Before You Say "I Do" will help every bride and groom discover what they need to know about themselves, each other, and their marriage—before the wedding. Featuring questions designed to inspire in-depth conversations between you and your future spouse, this book also invites parents, friends, future in-laws, clergy, and children from previous marriages into the discussions to offer their own perspectives. Together, couples are encouraged to explore their life histories and experiences, their hopes and dreams, and their views on love, children, religion, work, and politics—to find both common and uncommon ground on which to strengthen the foundation of their relationship.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
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January 25, 2019Two items it suggests you ask a potential spouse:
"Are you on the Internet?"
"Do you ever surf the Web?"
"Are you on the Internet?"
"Do you ever surf the Web?"
November 6, 2022
Excellent questions that are very important to ask potential future husband/wife.
November 16, 2020
I picked this book up at a friend's house to pass some time.
And, hmmm...Some very good questions (and accompanying points) to ask. I wondered why when he cited certain examples, he didn't cite the corresponding proposed resolutions. That irritated me. I would have thought the solutions would be extremely useful. I didn't agree with everything he said (eg: "...if we speak of her [our mother's] strengths, we are somehow heaping praise upon ourselves.") Huh? That was news to me! I sing my mother's praise all the day long, but it never dawned on me that people might view it is praising myself. Perhaps it's because she and I are very dissimilar - especially in when it comes to what I admire about her...but okay.
There is some great info in this book with several great suggestions and questions (many of which I’d not thought of before --- which is saying something). It is definitely a good resource for couples considering marriage.
I was very much alarmed at how little content and emphasis were placed on common VALUES, though. They occupied no more space than any other topic, and he didn’t note much about them even when they were mentioned. Considering that this book was written by a pastor, I thought that negligent. He also makes a few sweeping statements for “all Christians” on occasion, and to some of those statements, I take vehement exception.
The editing job is really pretty poor – extra commas, painfully misplaced modifiers (“If your spouse has been married previously, you might discuss any alimony or support payments before marriage with a lawyer.” and “This chapter is for individuals with children who are considering a second marriage.”), and just some really badly written content.
Some reviews I read were critical of the religious emphasis. I was surprised at that, because it seemed to me that he does no more with religion than to note that it is important to discuss to be sure you’re on the same page as to how it will or will not be observed in your home. It seemed that to him, choosing a religion for a home is not much different from selecting house décor together. He is appallingly lacksadaisical or just plain silent about things like pornography, fornication, adultery, lying, etc.
And, hmmm...Some very good questions (and accompanying points) to ask. I wondered why when he cited certain examples, he didn't cite the corresponding proposed resolutions. That irritated me. I would have thought the solutions would be extremely useful. I didn't agree with everything he said (eg: "...if we speak of her [our mother's] strengths, we are somehow heaping praise upon ourselves.") Huh? That was news to me! I sing my mother's praise all the day long, but it never dawned on me that people might view it is praising myself. Perhaps it's because she and I are very dissimilar - especially in when it comes to what I admire about her...but okay.
There is some great info in this book with several great suggestions and questions (many of which I’d not thought of before --- which is saying something). It is definitely a good resource for couples considering marriage.
I was very much alarmed at how little content and emphasis were placed on common VALUES, though. They occupied no more space than any other topic, and he didn’t note much about them even when they were mentioned. Considering that this book was written by a pastor, I thought that negligent. He also makes a few sweeping statements for “all Christians” on occasion, and to some of those statements, I take vehement exception.
The editing job is really pretty poor – extra commas, painfully misplaced modifiers (“If your spouse has been married previously, you might discuss any alimony or support payments before marriage with a lawyer.” and “This chapter is for individuals with children who are considering a second marriage.”), and just some really badly written content.
Some reviews I read were critical of the religious emphasis. I was surprised at that, because it seemed to me that he does no more with religion than to note that it is important to discuss to be sure you’re on the same page as to how it will or will not be observed in your home. It seemed that to him, choosing a religion for a home is not much different from selecting house décor together. He is appallingly lacksadaisical or just plain silent about things like pornography, fornication, adultery, lying, etc.
November 24, 2008
Outcalt's religious roots are evident throughout this book. The bias was pretty conservative. The author did make an attempt to be inclusive in his writing style, but the underlying paradigm was still obvious. I also got the very strong feeling that the book was intended for women to secretly read before quizzing their fiances. There were a few questions where he forgot to put in the his/her stuff and instead it degenerated into a woman's perspective. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I wish that had been stated overtly somewhere.
There were quite a few questions that were helpful and there's no doubt that having a book like this makes it easier to sit together and broach difficult topics without forgetting anything. The questions to ask one's own family were particularly nice and I plan to include my parents/sister in a discussion which I know we'll both like.
On the other hand, there were a number of inane questions and questions that made me wonder, "Who doesn't know about this about their partner before getting married!?" Here's a selection of a few of my favorites:
* What was your college major?
* How much have you traveled?
* Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
* What are your hobbies?
* Do you snore?
* What are your favorite colors?
There were quite a few questions that were helpful and there's no doubt that having a book like this makes it easier to sit together and broach difficult topics without forgetting anything. The questions to ask one's own family were particularly nice and I plan to include my parents/sister in a discussion which I know we'll both like.
On the other hand, there were a number of inane questions and questions that made me wonder, "Who doesn't know about this about their partner before getting married!?" Here's a selection of a few of my favorites:
* What was your college major?
* How much have you traveled?
* Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
* What are your hobbies?
* Do you snore?
* What are your favorite colors?
January 21, 2013
my fiance and i got a lot out of this book. it has a lot of fruitful information, and the question-asking sections where we needed to ask each other questions was especially good. including other people in the conversation was great because it allowed our parents to participate, leading us to growth in our relationships with them. it felt a little dated, which made us skip over some of the descriptions to certain questions. it affirmed how suited kyle and i are for each other, and strengthened our relationship as we move more and more toward marriage.
May 14, 2010
surprised to read that this was written by a pastor and Lisa read it.
seemed superficial and common sense. i'm a big supporter of long periods of dating, even a long engagement. good book i guess if you don't follow that mentality. i skipped large portions that didn't pertain to my situation and mostly skimmed the rest so take the review with that in mind. if you're looking for a book on marriage etc then i'd still advise to look elsewhere.
seemed superficial and common sense. i'm a big supporter of long periods of dating, even a long engagement. good book i guess if you don't follow that mentality. i skipped large portions that didn't pertain to my situation and mostly skimmed the rest so take the review with that in mind. if you're looking for a book on marriage etc then i'd still advise to look elsewhere.
June 24, 2008
Book contains a lot of questions that could prove helpful to go over with your intended future spouse.
December 10, 2009
Not the best of these books.
June 18, 2009
Helped me
April 8, 2012
Good questions, but felt sort of pat (lacking follow-up or elaboration).
February 21, 2008
It was my youth minister. I have to give a good rating.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews