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Bitten #1
Bitten
When Ally becomes a newly single woman, she is determined to meet the man of her dreams. Never truly expecting it to actually occur, she is amaze to find herself drawn to a dark, mysterious stranger leaning against the bar. He was utterly irresistible.
Despite her friends’ protests, she willingly follows him outside the bar and soon realizes that her world will never be the same again.
52 pages, ebook
First published May 20, 2011
108 people are currently reading
1306 people want to read
About the author
Merrill Gemus
4 books241 followersMerrill Gemus is a Canadian author who creates short stories, novels, and mini-series in her spare time.
She started blogging in January 2009 and found an interest in creating stories. She published her first novella, Bitten, in May 2011, and later published its sequel, Stolen, in August 2011.
Merrill took a small break from writing between 2012 and 2017. During this time, she married her best friend in 2012, had a first child, a daughter, in 2015 and another little girl in 2017.
In 2016, she finalized the outline and completed the Bitten Vampires Series, Unbroken, in February 2018.
She started blogging in January 2009 and found an interest in creating stories. She published her first novella, Bitten, in May 2011, and later published its sequel, Stolen, in August 2011.
Merrill took a small break from writing between 2012 and 2017. During this time, she married her best friend in 2012, had a first child, a daughter, in 2015 and another little girl in 2017.
In 2016, she finalized the outline and completed the Bitten Vampires Series, Unbroken, in February 2018.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 201 reviews
September 3, 2013
I could have been something special. With a good editor, I'd say this could be a great jumping point for a novel. However, it falls short in its current form.
July 14, 2011
It was just ok until the end, then it was awful. It really wasn't a novela, it is like an ongoing series... that stops in the middle of a thought. It was NOT a good ending. and then at the end the author says if readers want a second book go to her blogspot and motivate her...WHAT???? It was worth what I paid on nook... 0.00 If there was a little closure, I wouldn't have had a problem, but don't leave us in basically the middle of a sentence and say... hmmm, I'm not sure if I'll finish this sentence... beg me and I'll think about it. I know I'm done reading books by Merrill Gemus, even if they are free.
November 1, 2012
This is one of the worst books I've read in a while. I was optimistic b/c the first few pages sortof pull you in. Plus it was free on my Nook, so why not try it. The book is short; and that's probably the only reason why I finished it. The first almost half of this book is about Ally being dumped, going to a Halloween party to meet her friends, her getting ready for said Halloween party, and her meeting this mysterious man. The rest of the book is so fast paced that you lose the story line and wonder how in the hell you got to where you are in this book. Here; I'll tell you the story from the second half of the book.
Hi my name is Ally and you're hot and awesome.
Hi Ally, I'm Benedict. I'm a vampire and you're my one true love.
Oh Ben, I didn't know vampires even existed....but I'm not wierded out at all b/c I'm drawn to you.
Well Ally, let's have sex. Then I want to bite you and turn you into a vampire too so we can spend the rest of our lives together.
Oh Ben that sounds a little wierd, but OK I'm in. (SEX) That was great, but now I don't feel well.
Ally, that's you changing. And by the way; b/c I bit you, you are now my wife. Hope that's cool.
Sure Ben. I'm going to the balcony while you make a few phone calls. Wait lady who are you? You're Ben's fiance? And you're going to kidnap me? What the heck?
The End. Now you know the story.
Don't even get me started on the grammar and misspelled words.
Hi my name is Ally and you're hot and awesome.
Hi Ally, I'm Benedict. I'm a vampire and you're my one true love.
Oh Ben, I didn't know vampires even existed....but I'm not wierded out at all b/c I'm drawn to you.
Well Ally, let's have sex. Then I want to bite you and turn you into a vampire too so we can spend the rest of our lives together.
Oh Ben that sounds a little wierd, but OK I'm in. (SEX) That was great, but now I don't feel well.
Ally, that's you changing. And by the way; b/c I bit you, you are now my wife. Hope that's cool.
Sure Ben. I'm going to the balcony while you make a few phone calls. Wait lady who are you? You're Ben's fiance? And you're going to kidnap me? What the heck?
The End. Now you know the story.
Don't even get me started on the grammar and misspelled words.
September 1, 2019
Another off my paranormal TBR list.
This one seemed a little YA even though it isn't the h has a thing for Halloween dressing up and the H seems like the uber cool popular kid even though hes a man.
They meet at a Halloween Party in a club where the h is dressed as a vampire and the H is a vampire. I liked that in this story people naturally avoid vampires and they make people feel wary/uncomfortable. Her mates think shes gone a little cray cray when she goes all gooey over him they think there is something wrong with him. She stalks him to a vampire bar - we never get an explanation of why he is in the human one - and he takes her to his place for some insta lovin.
Turns out shes his mate and that doesn't usually happen with humans, hence their insta attraction and her not being repelled by him.
The H doesn't really come across as particularly alpha. he shows upset/worry etc when the h threatens to walk away. He also doesn't fess up to being betrothed to a vamp who isn't his mate until after they have "mated" and he turns her. He never really explains what he has done until its done tbh and you get the impression the h has no idea what she's let herself in for.
I'll read part 2 if only because I have a copy of it and it isn't long.
This one seemed a little YA even though it isn't the h has a thing for Halloween dressing up and the H seems like the uber cool popular kid even though hes a man.
They meet at a Halloween Party in a club where the h is dressed as a vampire and the H is a vampire. I liked that in this story people naturally avoid vampires and they make people feel wary/uncomfortable. Her mates think shes gone a little cray cray when she goes all gooey over him they think there is something wrong with him. She stalks him to a vampire bar - we never get an explanation of why he is in the human one - and he takes her to his place for some insta lovin.
Turns out shes his mate and that doesn't usually happen with humans, hence their insta attraction and her not being repelled by him.
The H doesn't really come across as particularly alpha. he shows upset/worry etc when the h threatens to walk away. He also doesn't fess up to being betrothed to a vamp who isn't his mate until after they have "mated" and he turns her. He never really explains what he has done until its done tbh and you get the impression the h has no idea what she's let herself in for.
I'll read part 2 if only because I have a copy of it and it isn't long.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 2, 2012
This story is a Halloween story about Ally........ she has recently broken up with her boyfriend so decides to go all out for Halloween....... She dresses as a Vampire (of cause she does) and goes clubbing to meet 2 girl friends.
Once at the club she meets a handsome man (who of cause is a real vampire) come on tell me you didn't see that coming..... obvious hey.
Anyway Ally feels a pull towards Benedict, yet notices other women just feel uncomfortable, including her friends...... does she go with the whole well there may be something wrong here NOOOOOOOOOO she follows him out of the club ALONE.... WHAT AN IDIOT..... anyway so as the story continues (getting worse) she walks through the streets (no-one around) following this stranger....... she follows him into a wired deserted looking building guarded by what looks like a troll.........I HATE STUPID FEMALE MAIN CHARACTERS....... anyway she goes into the club, feels uneasy (DOES SHE LEAVE...... NO SHE STAYS AND LOOKS FOR THE STRANGER) MORON....... anyway she finds him and walks up to him..... nearly there is stopped by a banshee who screams at her and tries to drag her away...... Benedict stops this from happening...... the 'weird people' in the 'pub' stare causing Benedict to grab Ally and take her home.... he gives her a chance to leave but does she.... NO BECAUSE SHE IS A TWIT..... AND THE STORY GETS WORSE FROM THERE...... have to stop this review I am getting a headache thinking about the story.... shudder.
Once at the club she meets a handsome man (who of cause is a real vampire) come on tell me you didn't see that coming..... obvious hey.
Anyway Ally feels a pull towards Benedict, yet notices other women just feel uncomfortable, including her friends...... does she go with the whole well there may be something wrong here NOOOOOOOOOO she follows him out of the club ALONE.... WHAT AN IDIOT..... anyway so as the story continues (getting worse) she walks through the streets (no-one around) following this stranger....... she follows him into a wired deserted looking building guarded by what looks like a troll.........I HATE STUPID FEMALE MAIN CHARACTERS....... anyway she goes into the club, feels uneasy (DOES SHE LEAVE...... NO SHE STAYS AND LOOKS FOR THE STRANGER) MORON....... anyway she finds him and walks up to him..... nearly there is stopped by a banshee who screams at her and tries to drag her away...... Benedict stops this from happening...... the 'weird people' in the 'pub' stare causing Benedict to grab Ally and take her home.... he gives her a chance to leave but does she.... NO BECAUSE SHE IS A TWIT..... AND THE STORY GETS WORSE FROM THERE...... have to stop this review I am getting a headache thinking about the story.... shudder.
December 3, 2011
Halfway:
I'm finding this hard to read it's just.. so.. DELETED DELETED DELETED DELETED.. un-unique. DELETED. Ordinary. Trying too hard.
Three minutes later (I'm not kidding):
It's 'sad'. Immaturely sad and discardable... Giving me a headache. DELETED.. Ughhn now I feel guilty for giving a bad review:/
Minutes later:
Skimming Skimmmming to the end. Cuz this is deplorable. Deplorable. It was such a dissatisfying, deplorable read that the word "deplorable" popped up in my head and tagged itself to said book. That's sad. DELETED.. I hate giving bad reviews, comments, ect but this was just... deplorable.. DELETED!!!.. Sorry sorry..
Done:
I've finished skimming. Can I say horrible? Gahhh that was-- okay okay I'm being rude.... But.. Honestly. I was LITERALLY grimacing throughout the whole book....X( Sorry.. gahhh sorry.. but that was..... WHY did I put myself through that? GAHHH DELETED! I need a shower to clear away the writing.. I shouldn't DELEETTTTEEDD... You were TRYING just a TAD overboard in your writing.. Too too much. Unnecessary.. Sorry! Gosh I really do feel bad.. Anyway.. I need to placate my writer self now (I'm god-awful stern in prose.. I need it to be skillful, delectable, enjoyable...) and placate my reader self too(I'll go grab a cozy romance novel from my shelves..)...
I'm finding this hard to read it's just.. so.. DELETED DELETED DELETED DELETED.. un-unique. DELETED. Ordinary. Trying too hard.
Three minutes later (I'm not kidding):
It's 'sad'. Immaturely sad and discardable... Giving me a headache. DELETED.. Ughhn now I feel guilty for giving a bad review:/
Minutes later:
Skimming Skimmmming to the end. Cuz this is deplorable. Deplorable. It was such a dissatisfying, deplorable read that the word "deplorable" popped up in my head and tagged itself to said book. That's sad. DELETED.. I hate giving bad reviews, comments, ect but this was just... deplorable.. DELETED!!!.. Sorry sorry..
Done:
I've finished skimming. Can I say horrible? Gahhh that was-- okay okay I'm being rude.... But.. Honestly. I was LITERALLY grimacing throughout the whole book....X( Sorry.. gahhh sorry.. but that was..... WHY did I put myself through that? GAHHH DELETED! I need a shower to clear away the writing.. I shouldn't DELEETTTTEEDD... You were TRYING just a TAD overboard in your writing.. Too too much. Unnecessary.. Sorry! Gosh I really do feel bad.. Anyway.. I need to placate my writer self now (I'm god-awful stern in prose.. I need it to be skillful, delectable, enjoyable...) and placate my reader self too(I'll go grab a cozy romance novel from my shelves..)...
September 18, 2012
I am all for self-published books. I think it is great that authors have the opportunity to put there work out there without the rigmarole of the current publishing world. HOWEVER it's really important that these self-published authors find themselves a good proofreader and/or editor. I got 6 pages into this book before I couldn't take it anymore. Holy incomplete sentences Batman! I'm not a huge stickler for grammar. I know that my grammar isn't always as good as it should be-- I misuse commas and semi-colons ALL THE TIME, I fail to capitalize as appropriate! But I'm not publishing a completed work of fiction (or nonfiction).
Here, from chapter one, page one: "Christmas, on the other hand, always meant getting together with her strange and annoying relatives. Therefore, having to sing Christmas carols in public, and constantly being asked if she had been a good girl; since Santa was "checking" his list." Can someone please explain this sentence to me? Am I the one missing something? If I am, in all seriousness, let me know.
There were several passages written similarly so I just couldn't get into it. After a few more pages, I just gave up.
Here, from chapter one, page one: "Christmas, on the other hand, always meant getting together with her strange and annoying relatives. Therefore, having to sing Christmas carols in public, and constantly being asked if she had been a good girl; since Santa was "checking" his list." Can someone please explain this sentence to me? Am I the one missing something? If I am, in all seriousness, let me know.
There were several passages written similarly so I just couldn't get into it. After a few more pages, I just gave up.
May 27, 2013
I needed to read this with an editing pencil in hand. The grammar is unbearably dreadful. Past and present tense are often used in the same phrasing. I erased the book from my Kindle quickly, but an example would be similar to "She walk to the store and eat a bagel." The plot was cute, but this is not a "novel." There is no completion to the plot. It is simply the beginning chapters of a book.
October 21, 2011
Cute little story and better than the average self-pub, enjoyable little free read. There were a few grammar issues which threw me out of the story. Relies on the fates mate trope, and I have a bit of trouble with any story that goes from just met to lifetime commitment overnight.
August 3, 2011
This book was very good. I couldn't wait to read each chapter!
I'm so happy the "Sequel" is out! Pretty good read for a free book!!!!
I'm so happy the "Sequel" is out! Pretty good read for a free book!!!!
August 30, 2012
I love this series!! So suspenseful! Can't wait to read Unbroken
Merged review:
I love this book!! Can't wait to read the next ones!
Merged review:
I love this book!! Can't wait to read the next ones!
July 28, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ – Enjoyable and worth picking up!
July 5, 2015
Wow what a tasteless, terribly written story with no plot twists or exciting plot developments. Well it's another vampire story - well I think it is towards the end? This is a very poorly written story. It wasn't tedious, it was just terribly flat, and missing a lot of flair. And a book needs its flair.
It's really difficult to write a short story. Firstly, it has to be short, but really detailed and entertaining. The author has to create characters that will make the reader empathise with them, or even hate and get annoyed by their actions. But this book doesn't have this.
Ally the main protagonist takes many risks that are suppose to make you empathise with her, but it doesn't feel any different from when she takes a taxi at the beginning of the book. Her character is incredibly shallow, like the many others in this story.
This is why the characters are so flat, and incredibly cheesy. The speech is so poorly done and just a little laughable - it's not a comedy though. In truth I don't know what genre it falls beneath (other than vampire), and the romance is very pathetic. I don't even know if it's young adult or not (it's too cheesy for even young adult standards).
Maybe this story could be good. I mean it's going somewhere, but it needs something to make it a good read. And this is all I can say about this book - the rest has left me speechless, and it's not in awe.
It's really difficult to write a short story. Firstly, it has to be short, but really detailed and entertaining. The author has to create characters that will make the reader empathise with them, or even hate and get annoyed by their actions. But this book doesn't have this.
Ally the main protagonist takes many risks that are suppose to make you empathise with her, but it doesn't feel any different from when she takes a taxi at the beginning of the book. Her character is incredibly shallow, like the many others in this story.
This is why the characters are so flat, and incredibly cheesy. The speech is so poorly done and just a little laughable - it's not a comedy though. In truth I don't know what genre it falls beneath (other than vampire), and the romance is very pathetic. I don't even know if it's young adult or not (it's too cheesy for even young adult standards).
Maybe this story could be good. I mean it's going somewhere, but it needs something to make it a good read. And this is all I can say about this book - the rest has left me speechless, and it's not in awe.
March 14, 2013
Quick 100 page read. Typical vampire story. Girl sees vampire. Vampire sees girl. Fated eternal love story. Bite to transform. Struggle of some sort. Then a plug for book 2 to be read.
Sadly there was so little story development and no surprise twists so I think I'll leave Book 2 unread.
Sadly there was so little story development and no surprise twists so I think I'll leave Book 2 unread.
October 21, 2011
Great, fast read. Kept you interested & good storyline. On to book #2....
January 18, 2013
This reads like a very badly written fanfiction story. Don't waste your time!
September 17, 2016
What fun!
Good story line with unexpected turns. A good read. A love story that gets right to the meat quickly and smoothly, without the sappy whine and drama.
Good story line with unexpected turns. A good read. A love story that gets right to the meat quickly and smoothly, without the sappy whine and drama.
August 5, 2019
Vampire Novella Review
Interesting premise with an abrupt ending.
This would be a great middle school read, as I am a former middle school librarian, without the explicit sex scene and the use of f*** so often.
Interesting premise with an abrupt ending.
This would be a great middle school read, as I am a former middle school librarian, without the explicit sex scene and the use of f*** so often.
June 5, 2017
A good short story
I really like this short story. I am excited to read the second book. Hopefully it will not let me down.😁
I really like this short story. I am excited to read the second book. Hopefully it will not let me down.😁
April 4, 2018
A bit disappointed. Well written but not as good a read as I hoped it would be.
October 28, 2019
While I like the over all concept and idea, grammar, punctuation and spelling errors were everywhere.
August 5, 2020
Liked it!
It was too short of a fiction book for me. I liked the storyline. I liked the the author’s attention to details
It was too short of a fiction book for me. I liked the storyline. I liked the the author’s attention to details
April 20, 2021
Meh, the concept was interesting, but falls a bit flat.
July 29, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
December 15, 2011
Cute story - it was short and sweet - I haven't read many vampire books lately so it was a nice change of pace for me.
The story is mainly about Ally going to a club for Halloween with her friends ( I love club scenes)
She accidently bumps into someone, he steadies her and walks off - but there was something about him that caught her eye.
When Ally asked her friends about him, they told her there was something "off" by him, she should stay away.. but Ally kept catching his eyes on her and she can't seem to take her eyes off him either.
Dispite what her friends think, she makes her way over to the bar where he is sitting. only just as she gets there, he's gone. She finds him looking at her from across the room over by the back door. Should she follow him? Or should she stay away like her friends keep telling her to do?
To stay away and regret what could have been?? No way! So Ally stalks this "sexy vampire" guy and follows him down the street and into private club...
Only there is something different about the people at this club...
Cute story - it was kind of fast though. I wish they would have talked a little more - it would have been fun watching them flirt - but they had a pretty good time later on ..
There is a bit of a cliffhanger though - but luckily the 2nd book is out now :)
Anxious to find out how it plays out :)
Thanks Jennifer for recommending it to me :D
The story is mainly about Ally going to a club for Halloween with her friends ( I love club scenes)
She accidently bumps into someone, he steadies her and walks off - but there was something about him that caught her eye.
When Ally asked her friends about him, they told her there was something "off" by him, she should stay away.. but Ally kept catching his eyes on her and she can't seem to take her eyes off him either.
Dispite what her friends think, she makes her way over to the bar where he is sitting. only just as she gets there, he's gone. She finds him looking at her from across the room over by the back door. Should she follow him? Or should she stay away like her friends keep telling her to do?
To stay away and regret what could have been?? No way! So Ally stalks this "sexy vampire" guy and follows him down the street and into private club...
Only there is something different about the people at this club...
Cute story - it was kind of fast though. I wish they would have talked a little more - it would have been fun watching them flirt - but they had a pretty good time later on ..
There is a bit of a cliffhanger though - but luckily the 2nd book is out now :)
Anxious to find out how it plays out :)
Thanks Jennifer for recommending it to me :D
February 23, 2012
Benedict has been putting off his marriage to Moria for awhile and figured he would never have to be forced into it. Once he signs the contact that seals his faith, he soon regrets the decision; because now his only outage will be if he finds his true mate. Benedict heads out on Halloween for a night on the town, but soon finds that he will be getting more that the usually treats this night. He meets Ally (his true mate) and things turn upward for him, but soon Ally is kidnapped and Benedict is running out of time. The wedding is in 3 days and Ally (his true mate) is nowhere to be found. With the help of his friend Gabe, maybe things will work out :-)
The author has given us a world were vampires have relics to control their magic with, political drama and all out action. You also have the introduction of goons, different realms and several other elements that make you want to learn more about the world this story takes place in. The story ends on a cliff hanger and to be honest, that is not a good thing. This is a cute short story that makes me want to read more :-)
The author has given us a world were vampires have relics to control their magic with, political drama and all out action. You also have the introduction of goons, different realms and several other elements that make you want to learn more about the world this story takes place in. The story ends on a cliff hanger and to be honest, that is not a good thing. This is a cute short story that makes me want to read more :-)
May 27, 2013
If someone had simply lent me this book and not told me where it came from I would've assumed it was a 12 year old girl who was obsessed with vampires writing on a fan fiction site. This book was pretty horrible. There were spelling and grammar mistakes everywhere, which for a published book is sickening. Simple errors that should've been caught if the author had simple proofread their book. Ally is a very poor main character. She has no admirable traits. She's stupid and it makes this book very difficult to take seriously. Another major fault by the author was addressing this unknown man as "Mr. Sexy Vampire". That alone made me want to put my Nook down and take a deep breath so I didn't throw it against the nearest wall. Not to mention how unrealistic this book is. What kind of girl who just broke up with her boyfriend decides to make a life-altering decision to spend the rest of her life with a man and become a vampire for him when they've only known each other for a few hours. Like honestly? Am I supposed to take this seriously?
November 14, 2012
A contemporary vampire story..
Benedict is looking for his mate.. humans normally shun him but he notices a human girl watching him.
Ally saw him walk in and she feels completed captivated..he is handsome and she gets up the courage to go and talk to him . .
but there is something he did not tell Ally and before he can... Ally is taken from the balcony of his home...
Benedict is looking for his mate.. humans normally shun him but he notices a human girl watching him.
Ally saw him walk in and she feels completed captivated..he is handsome and she gets up the courage to go and talk to him . .
but there is something he did not tell Ally and before he can... Ally is taken from the balcony of his home...
April 19, 2013
I was totally into this book, then BAM it was over. I kept thinking that perhaps I didn't download it correctly, but soon I discovered that I wasn't the only one confused.
It is hard to write novels...first of all you're putting a lot of yourself out there and it makes you feel vulnerable so first I give the author credit for trying. 1* for that
The story was really interesting until the last section. It went way too fast! I'm all for a cliffhanger, but I think first the author should make sure their audience knows that there is a series involved.
Second this cliffhanger was almost mid sentence and very odd.
I will read the second book and hope for the best ;)
Good luck Merril, from one author to another.
It is hard to write novels...first of all you're putting a lot of yourself out there and it makes you feel vulnerable so first I give the author credit for trying. 1* for that
The story was really interesting until the last section. It went way too fast! I'm all for a cliffhanger, but I think first the author should make sure their audience knows that there is a series involved.
Second this cliffhanger was almost mid sentence and very odd.
I will read the second book and hope for the best ;)
Good luck Merril, from one author to another.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 201 reviews