My Alien Self: My Journey Back to Me

by Amanda Green

If I told you I'd been to 24 countries (21 by the time I was 22), that I'd worked in Japan for nine months, toured Australia for six months, enjoyed seven months in Thailand and met and campaigned for the orangutan in Borneo, you might think that I was pretty lucky.

If I told you I'd worked in the hotel industry, for a sexual health department in a hospital and with prisoners in a drug cell block of a male prison, that I'd worked as a recruitment consultant, in so many office jobs I've lost count, as well as having my own company and multiple websites, at age thirty-six, then you might think I've had an interesting life.

But if I added to that a mix of child rape, mental health problems, promiscuity, drug taking, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, violence, mood swings, obsession, jealousy, loss of self worth, being raised by a mentally ill mother, bankruptcy, thyroid and gastro problems and public masturbation in school at age nine, then I am not sure what you'd think.

But this is me; Amanda Green. This is my life, my story; my journey back to me from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder—mental illness which manifested during my life and came out 'to its peak' in my thirties.
I was able to use my collection of mementos, photos, diaries, journals, letters, emails and text messages of my past to finally see who I had become, and more importantly with a combination of therapy, medication and my writing, how I became that alien self and how I found the real me.

The editor (Debz Hobbs-Wyatt) adds:

This is the journey of a normal working class girl, trapped in a roller coaster world of disorder and excitement, love and joy, depression and anger—and her fight against stigma.

While My Alien Self would be inspiring for any sufferer, their families or medical teams in its honest insights into living with a mental illness, it also has universal appeal. For who, at times, has not felt their life spin into chaos and wondered what is normal? This story effectively and openly highlights just how fine the line is between what is normal, and what is 'mental illness'. And everyone who reads it will be able to relate to it.

Contains explicit language and sexual scenes.

Genres: Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Biography, Mental Illness, Self Help

486 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 29, 2012

About the author

I am Amanda Green; a self published multi-genre author.

I've written two memoirs (mental health), a self-help book for sufferers of anxiety and depression, and various short fiction including psychological thrillers, suspense and drama - thought provoking, inspiring stories with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more).

I am a therapeutic Counsellor, MBACP (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists) member, and offer one-to-one counselling sessions (specialising with anxiety issues), plus group and individual personalised Life Writing Workshops in Essex, England.

Aside from writing and social networking, I spend a lot of time with my pets; a big, handsome cat called Titus, a pretty little cat called Millie and my tropical fish. I strongly believe in pet animal therapy as being good for our mind, body and soul and I promote the fostering and adopting of animals as opposed to private breeding and purchase. I detest animal cruelty, and spent years campaigning against palm oil use; it's unsustainable growth is the reason the precious Orang-utan is critically endangered in Sumatra and Borneo.

I have travelled on/off across the world, taking in twenty five Countries - living and working at times in Japan, Thailand and Australia and have enjoyed a very mixed bag of jobs.

I run three personal websites for which I write all copy and articles and provide all photography:

www.amandagreenauthor.co.uk
www.essexdepressionandanxietycounsell...
www.sandramdean.co.uk

I have had my writing and photography work published in various magazines and local newspapers. I enjoy the challenge of getting published.

I regularly post blogs about coping strategies, inspirational things to do, Borderline Personality disorder, depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety/panic attacks, thyroid issues, eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia), alcohol and drug abuse, sexual abuse/rape, Quetiapine (Seroquel anti-psychotics) and Citalopram (anti-depressant), therapies such as Cognitive behavioural therapy and paranoia, dissociation and psychosis - all of which I have experienced in one way or another either myself or those I know. Also info on mental health charities, forums, campaigns, the stigma surrounding mental illness, some of my personal experiences, celebrities with mental health issues and mental health in the family.

Reviews

[Simone Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I downloaded this book to read, as I have family members who are suffering with Mental Illness and have also worked in the mental health sector and was intrigued to read about someone who not only for many years suffered with with this illness, but actually wrote a book about her life and what she went thought to overcome it.
This story is a must read for people who have suffered mental illness or have a friend or family member going through this, or even if its just to understand and help with the stigma attached to mental illness, or just want a really great read.
I could not put this book down I admire Amanda for her honesty to her illness and are amazed by what she achieved in her life with her jobs and her traveling to numerous country's, while suffering from BPD, anxiety, OCD.
What a amazing journey I was taking on through Amanda Greens life! It's moving, exciting, sad, funny, endearing and inspiring. Even if mental illness has not touched you or others in your life this is a brilliant read, and maybe it will just make you help or just understand someone who is going through this illness.

[Renny Barcelos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe I've never read a memoir before in my life. I read biographies when I was young -- used to love them back then, but never memoirs.
Nevertheless, the moment I read the description of “My Alien Self, My Journey back to me’, by Amanda Green, I wanted to read it.
The journey described is intense, almost brutal at some points. And yet there's tenderness in the way Amanda tells it all, no holding back—after all, it's her life; she's her own main character.
Reading fiction can be easy, even if the subject is difficult, because you have the comfort of knowing it all came from a creative mind; here, however, it all really happened.
This is a tough story, but it's also about redemption and recovery. It will make you change your pre-conceptions about mental illness, and will certainly help so many people!

[Amanda Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ha ha, well I could so I did! I like it a lot anyway and my editor did me proud with this very honest memoir of mine! :-)

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt that for me, My Alien Self did two important things; it gave an honest portrayal of living with a mental illness thereby educating and demystifying it, and it gave hope and inspiration to those who may either be experiencing mental illness themselves or know someone who is.

Amanda Green did a fantastic job of putting this book together trying to balance her personal experiences through narrative and journal entries, with the more informational/educational aspects in the form of lists of symptoms, CBT methods, etc. Although sometimes it may have appeared disconnected, with her breaking the narrative to give lists of symptoms, or going to different topics or dates within her life, I think this added to the overall 'feel' of the story and personally it enabled me to see things through Amanda's eyes more effectively, giving a real insight into how she was feeling.

I really enjoyed reading about Amanda's travels and like that this made me feel that at times I was reading a fictional novel - having not really travelled myself very much, I found her writing and descriptions here fascinating. She has certainly packed a lot in to her life and although the reasons for her impulsivity were due to her BPD, I am quite jealous of her bravery and adventurousness- whereas I am afraid to leave my village...

I am glad I came across this book, I hope many others also gain from reading it. It's a story that everyone should read, whether it is personally relevant to them or not. Because going through the experiences with Amanda is a journey that will enlighten you, inspire you, and leave you with more knowledge about mental illness than when you started. You never know who is silently suffering, it could be someone close to you that has not yet been able to be open about it - by reading this book, others may be helped. Well done Amanda, I will look forward to a sequel!

[Soo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished reading this book exactly one month ago. I find it really difficult to review a book that is, essentially, the story of another persons life. For this reason I have taken some time to try and strike a balance between the story and its presentation, which I truly hope I have managed to do.

The story is a no-holds-barred, this is me, account of a life packed with extremes. On many occasions I found myself actively disliking the writer. When it first happened I took a cup of coffee into my garden and thought about what I was feeling. I've undergone Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it's good to discover why we feel the way we do instead of just reacting. My conclusion was that the author didn't like herself, at that point in her life, and I was feeling what she had felt.

I am in awe of Amanda's courage in writing this book and there were many times when she could have been describing me. For this reason I totally agree with Amanda's wanting to change the way mental illness is viewed and this leads to the presentation of the book.

I have long held the belief that mental illness is simply the way an individual mind deals with the realities of life. Society wants to file everything into neat little boxes, which in turn complicates things even more. However, I really believe that any approach to this subject is better left to after the personal story.

I actually skipped over parts that, to be brutally honest, felt a bit 'preachy' to continue the story. These parts of the book are, I feel, as important to Amanda as her personal journey and it would be a shame for them to be overlooked as they do contain an awful lot of really important information. This, I believe, is where there needs to be some serious editing; if only to separate the life that was from the life that is.

[Rachael Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book a few weeks ago and struggled to find the words to write a review. Not because I didn't like it but because I wanted to do it justice. I believe many will relate to a book like this either from personal experiences of mental health issues or of others they know. The story highlights the stigma still attached to mental health issues which is so frustrating. It demonstrates how hard it can be to ask for help and then to actually get help. It shows this young woman's determination to get better and to find a way to identify and recover from her BPD and OCD among other things.

Mental health issues have been misunderstood for so long and books like this one should help others to understand they are not alone and that help is there. It is a very brave and compelling read written with sincerity and brutal honesty. I believe 'Amanda' has written it in her own voice and in her own style, which works well for her story and the lack of detail of certain areas, as other reviewers have referred, is not necessary as the focus is on Amanda, as it should be for this type of story.

To lay yourself bare, warts and all, for all to read about is very brave and while there are aspects of the story that annoyed me I quickly realised that if I had written about my life then I would have those moments too! It is so easy to judge and hopefully this book will help others to understand the sometimes irrational reactions and actions of those suffering from mental health issues. It is not a choice to suffer from such illnesses and with help recovery can begin. Well done on sharing your story Amanda.

[Jasmine Bath · Rating 5 out of 5]

While reading “My Alien Self” I often felt off kilter, as if what I was reading was going off in several different directions at once and then when I realized that Amanda Green was actually conveying her own inner turmoil, it helped me to truly understand what life can often be like for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Through all the confusion, chaos of dealing with her mother’s own mental health issues as well as her own, Amanda is able to give a personal testimony that you cannot gain from reading other books about BPD.
Ms. Green has done an amazing job of giving detailed, intimate descriptions of her thought processes while trying to keep it together in search of a more balanced life, proving that people with mental health issues are not any different than people who are thought to be ‘normal.’
This book would benefit mental health professionals as well as family members of those who suffer with BPD as it offers an insight not found in many books.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I share some of Amanda's background as my mother had schizophrenia & Bipolar disorder. It started when I was 5 years old. Feelings related by Amanda of her mother really hit home for me. Some of these feelings I have felt myself, such as extreme fear of abandonment & an over-riding need to "not be like her." I felt like I was reading something that I could have written and/or expressed myself.

I applaud Amanda for her strength in purpose and of will to overcome her own battle with BPD, anxiety, OCD, and depression. It mirrors my own determination to overcome my own battle with Depression and Anxiety. This is a must read for anyone seeking to understand mental illness for themselves, a loved one, or for a friend.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great ... I cannot recommend it highly enough ... Well written and brutally honest ... It's a moving, inspiring and exciting read from cover to cover ...This memoir is a must have read for all bpd suffers or people who want to try and understand the condition ... I couldn't put it down!

[Doreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

It takes great courage for a writer to disclose the darkest, most embarrassing situations that have occurred in her life. Is such a memoir simply an ‘airing of dirty laundry,’ an act of grandiosity as some might think? Or, is the disclosure a tool with therapeutic value for not just the author but, more so, for others who must do daily battle with similar mental conditions and with the stigma that adds to their battle?

Several empowering words came into my mind and stayed with me during my read of MY ALIEN SELF: MY JOURNEY BACK TO ME: Resilience, courage and hope. Yes, Ms. Greene made choices that took her further down into the depths of depression and despair. Why those choices? In her journal, Ms. Greene wrote, “If I kept moving, ‘it’ couldn’t get me.” Who or what is this ‘it?’ I wondered and then got an answer. “Was ‘it’ an illness or was that just me?” Ms. Greene asked herself. It is very difficult to comprehend the depth of another’s fears relative to their having a mental illness. Schizophrenia does have a genetic component and the author’s mother suffered from this disorder and from side effects of the various treatment modalities that were tried. Whenever one parent is diagnosed with a debilitating disease or mental illness, children cannot help but be adversely affected.
Ms Greene runs from her pain, her fears. She runs into the arms of damaged men, into the degradation of drug abuse, eating disorders and self-mutilation. She runs to other countries. By age 22, Amanda had visited 24 countries; excitement and change kept her from falling apart, at least for a while. Despite the mental illness that she was trying to outrun, Amanda had tremendous career achievements. She had successful careers in the hotel industry, beginning while living in Japan, and as a recruitment consultant, photographer and website designer, eventually starting her own company.
These successes affirm that Amanda Greene has amazing survival tools; is incredibly resilient and courageous. For no matter how deeply depressed she became, Amanda found a way to keep moving forward; to continue to seek and utilize healthier coping strategies. During my read of JOURNEY BACK TO ME, there were shades of joy that surfaced in her descriptions of the places to which she traveled; the encounters that she had with others, and a special experience that she had with Orangutans.
Amanda Greene offers her memoir as a tool for helping others come to terms with the mental illness symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Depression. The most important tool that is prevalent throughout JOURNEY BACK TO ME is an often drowned-out yet constant companion, hope.

[Kari Lynn Mackey · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Alien Self by Amanda Green provides a fascinating window into the life of someone with a mental illness. Perhaps Green could have benefited from having some assistance with the organizational structure of the book, however, because her thoughts are translated to the page in a very disordered fashion. For example, at times, she breaks off from her narrative and starts merely listing experiences or side effects of her medication, as if she included her outline or notes into the final text without fleshing them out (or even putting them into complete sentences) for the reader's benefit. It would have been interesting to hear more about her diagnosis and treatment for borderline personality disorder, rather than so much about her abusive personal relationships and history of substance abuse, since the subject of her memoir is in fact supposed to be her life with and recovery from mental illness.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this book so much that I finished it in three days, and afterwards, it left me wanting more! It is a book that is easily relate-able as many people have a mental illness or a friend or family member with one, and the fact that the story takes place throughout Amanda's life makes it a good read for most ages (I would say 8th grade and up due to some sexual content). This book is honest and truly captures the thoughts (including word-for-word diary entries) of someone with a mental illness.

Reading this book has brought me comfort, as I suffer from various mental illnesses as well, and left me feeling like I am not so alone in this, and that recovery is possible. I liked that it was written in first person because it has that "story-telling" effect. I am going to tell my mom and friends to read it, because I believe that this book could give them a better understanding of how I feel and what it is like to live with a mental illness.

[Alice Faerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone suffering from any kind of mental anguish, I highly recommend My Alien Self. I have been through many life struggles, and most daunting were the demons in my own mind. Amanda writes in such a way that I completely related to her thinking.. I totally understood where she was coming from. BPD OCD depression.. These are all issues that so many people suffer from. Mental health is so vital, and I think as a society we forget to value its importance. Amanda is a mental health advocate, and I love how she preaches healthy thinking and behaviors. When I was reading this book I was at my rock bottom. Reading this novel helped me change my life for the better, and it is comforting to know that I am not alone.

[Jack · Rating 3 out of 5]

A moving autobiographical account of a woman's life affected by a difficult childhood, growing up with a schizophrenic mother, and her adult struggle with accepting and managing her own mental health problems

[Lisa Wightman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting subject. Although I think if you'd never had any mental health issues yourself nor knew anyone that had, it probably wouldn't have the same impact. She really did lay herself bare, warts and all. Very brave...

[Romy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring read to understand more about BPD

Finishing this book has been a bit like losing a good friend. The author is sharing with us all her suffering and pain growing up with a mental disorder she could not understand nor make any sense of. With the help of professionals and her own creativity, she slowly began a long journey towards recovery. The book showed to me that wellbeing is not something automatically given but rather something you need to continually work on.

[Olga Miret · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Alien Self by Amanda Green. Memoirs, mental disorder and finding your path to recovery
I am a psychiatrist and as such I do have a professional (as well as a personal) interest in personal/first-hand accounts of mental illness (or disorder) and not only professional or text-book descriptions. Of course over the years I have heard many patients/clients/service-users (choose whichever you prefer, I won’t enter the heated debates on which is the best term to use) talking about their experiences, but those have been mostly in response to specific questions, rather than their own preferred expressions or commentaries, and mostly at times of crisis.
I have also read a number of more literary versions of mental illness (sometimes recommended by people I was working with, including patients, like Silvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’, others I’ve discovered myself when reading some of my favourite writers: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Crack-Up’ or Virginia Woolf’s ‘Mrs Dalloway’). They are great works by fantastic writers and well-worth a read, even if the subject of mental health is not close to your heart.
What Ms. Green’s book provides is not only an account of a mental disorder sufferer (despite the diagnostic difficulties that as she observes plague the field), but a memoir of her life, her quest for finding her true self and the process of her re-discovery. And her life is far from boring. Travelling far and wide (across the UK, Spain, Japan, Australia, Borneo…), with interests as varied as the creation and management of websites, property development, Orangutan, the entertainment industry…dabbling in drugs and alcohol, complicated family relationships and a difficult love life, Ms. Green’s account is gripping stuff in its own right. And her writing expresses well the ups and downs and the subjective nature of the narration.
Having worked as a psychiatrist in the NHS (National Health Service in the UK, the same one the author seeks help from) I can see things from a professional perspective (and although the system tries hard to avoid the ‘us and them’ dichotomy it’s not easy). I fully understand why she might not have received more intense help before. Mental Health Services struggle to provide support and care for people who cannot cope even on a basic level and who present an immediate and major risk to self (people repeatedly attempting suicide, severe self-harm or severely neglecting themselves) or others (threatening to harm others or doing so) for lengthy periods of time. It is less than an ideal situation; the services are stretched to the limit and mostly dealing with crises, but that is a true reflection of affairs. There is hope that service-user led movements and the voluntary sector will help to fill in the gaps, but prioritising is difficult.
The nature and characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder with its difficulties in trusting people, impulsivity and inconsistent engagement (well reflected in ‘My Alien Self’) cause problems of its own not easily managed by the psychiatric services as they are currently set.
The author of ‘My Alien Self’ has managed to find herself, to create her own combination of therapies (learned over the years, including mindfulness, CBT, CAT, yoga, medication…) and more importantly she has had the courage to go through her life, collecting and reliving her experiences and having a hard look at her past, the most difficult part of any therapy.
‘My Alien Self’ is a book difficult to read for anybody with mental health issues and also for professionals, but precisely because of that it’s a book that needs to be read. I salute Ms. Green for her guts and congratulate her for her achievements. And I agree with her. It is a battle that has to be fought every day, but I’m sure she’ll win the war.

[Alice Huskisson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had been itching to read this book for such a long time and when life finally allowed me the time to do so I wasn't disappointed with what I found!

Amanda has certainly led a full and varied life and there were many parts of this memoir which I could resonate with, drawing parallels with my own life experiences. There were other instances which simply intrigued and fascinated me and frankly left me in awe.

The underlying purpose of this memoir is to raise awareness of Borderline Personality Disorder, what it means, how it affects sufferers' lives (and those around them), and what treatments are available. It follows Amanda's very own journey from the first indications that something wasn't quite right, to the realisation that actually there is a name for this disorder, and then her treatment and care plan following her route to recovery and finding her true self. Like any memoir, it has some very dark moments, but there are also some very positive and uplifting moments, especially when Amanda documents the changes she can see in herself during CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). This book is not only an inspirational life story it is also very educational and insightful. We can all read information on the Internet about mental health issues and treatments, but it's a completely different thing to read the raw and honest life story of a sufferer who is baring her soul, brave enough to confront a subject which is full of stigma and often taboo. With more people like Amanda in this world willing to reveal all to those who care to listen, a greater awareness is inevitable. I salute her for her courage and determination.

Putting the mental health issues aside, this memoir is a fabulous story of relationships (both romantic and family), risk taking, ambitions, determination to succeed, and well... a woman's journey and how to cope with and overcome life's trials.

I found Amanda's writing style refreshing. Most of the time it felt like she was talking to me, friend to friend. Also, drawing extracts from diaries she had kept over the years was a nice touch. She writes expressively, clearly and methodically. Very well done and highly recommended.

I am so impressed with this book that I have already downloaded her sequel, "39", which will bring me up to date on the progress of her recovery.

[Marina · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, I didn't read this book because I have Borderline Personality Disorder (I don't), but for two main reasons: because I have an interest in books dealing with mental illness of any kind, and because I know two people struggling with BPD - one person I truly despise, the other one I love deeply.

The author has been really brave in exposing herself and her personal history so much with this book, especially since in the end she decided to reveal her true identity in her website. Kudos to her, this is a really effective way to fight the stigma surrounding mental illness.

I liked this memoir up to a point because, as has been said by another reviewer, the author tends to ramble quite a bit and this makes it difficult to follow her story. But as I said, I think it's good in that it helps fighting stigma.

At times I had the impression of reading a novel instead of a memoir, as Amanda Green's life experiences are so peculiar that it's sometimes truly difficult to believe her. But believe her I did, although I had to remind myself from time to time that this was a memoir. I think this is also because of Green's writing, which is really captivating, even though rambling.

[Brenda Perlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

"There's a fine line between love and hate."

My Alien Self is a curious story that delves into mental disorders. This is a coming of age memoir that is straight forward and doesn't hold back. It's raw and at times edgy.

I think this kind of story is good to have out there in the universe. We are all messed up in one way or another, even if we don't put a label on it. Writing this story had to be grueling though at the same time awfully brave. It's an interesting read with some very deep moments that had me looking back at my own life and misadventures.

I believe we can learn from other people's paths.

Quote ~

"The stigma of mental health problems had followed me like a shadow from childhood and its affects so many people, from those in the depths of depression to those experiencing the psychotic, alien, hallucinogenic schizophrenia. And as long as people keep avoiding discussion of mental health issues and avoid understanding people with disorders, this will continue the destroy lots of people every day of every year, causing many deaths along its tragic path, through suicide."

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amanda Green has had quite an interesting life to say the least. She has traveled all over the world, doing many different kinds of jobs. But there is something different about her compared to other people, even people in her own family. Is she like her Schizophrenic mother? Amanda worries about this often.

Finally, she is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and things start to make sense. At first, she goes back and forth between accepting it and rejecting and fearing it. But slowly she accepts it and works on overcoming it, with some help from doctors and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, she finds out that she can cope with life a lot better than she thought she ever could.

As she begins writing the story of her life, she uncovers parts of her past that were hidden, even to herself.

She searches for solutions - drugs, therapy, men? What is the answer to all of her problems?

Join Amanda on her journey from her "alien self" to her true self.

You can find Amanda here: http://amandagreenauthor.co.uk/

[Felicia Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a moving true story!!! I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to read My Alien Self: My Journey Back To Me by Amanda Green. Amanda Green is truly a thriver. When you are beyond being a survivor then you become a survivor. Amanda Green pulled me into her world as I was reading her story. The story changes up a bit, but it's not hard to follow. Her voice is very clear through each emotion and moment that she takes you through her struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. Amanda's novel about mental illness and healing from BPD is a wonderful read. As a mental health worker, I recommend this story to those who suffer with BPD to read and draw strength from. Thank you, Amanda, for being so brave and putting your story out there for us to read. -- Felicia Johnson, Author of the novel "Her"

[Hemmie Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brave & frank account of mental illness., 13 Jun 2013
This is a very brave and frank account of the author's journey to discover her underlying mental health issue and eventual diagnosis. Some parts are very hard to read, sometimes even uncomfortable, but the author does not write them to shock, but to merely explain and explore her mental health issues.
The author teaches us about conservation issues regarding the Orangutan as well as clarifies mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.
This is a good book for people with a mental health issue or people who are interested in the topic.

[Babus Ahmed · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an autobiographical account of Amanda Green's life. It is honest and detailed and reading it you realising it served a cathartic purpose for the author to write this book. It is mostly engaging but yes it does repeat itself and read like a psychiatry textbook near the end but the book gets the point across of how difficult it is to live with mental illness but that there is always hope and with effort life can be rewarding.

I think people suffering from depression and anxiety as well as OCD and other mental illness will find parts of this book very familiar. I'm not sure I would recommend this book to everyone but I would recommend it to those battling mental illness.

[Mafalda · Rating 4 out of 5]

a very good and accurate description of years of dealing with bpd. through the illusional ups and the miserable downs. never had encountered someone so similar to myself in various aspects, i admire the author even though most of her traits put me off myself on a daily basis. thank you amanda green. we are not selfish worthless pricks.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very well written. I could relate with her story. I often found myself inside of the writer's mind and feeling her words because it's so similar to what I experienced. It wasn't over the top and it was real enough for me to be able to read with ease. It's so courageous of her to be able to write this book. Thank you Amanda!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the message of this book, probably as I can relate so well. At times, the author tended to ramble and it was a little difficult to remain connected. But overall, extremely interesting and informative.

[Reader]

As much as I liked starting this book, I think iI well need to put it away for when I've reached a calmer time in my life and I can give this the attention it deserves.

[Harri · Rating 2 out of 5]

My rating is based on my experience of reading the book, and is not a judgement on the author or her experiences.

The problem with books like this, is that they read like personal diaries/essays, with not much structure. This book is trying to do too much. It's a memoir, but it covers everything with no selection to help the narrative. It's a guide to helping yourself with mental illness, but those parts get lost in the rest of it. I don't know, I think it needed to be shorter and more concise, less repetitive, but at the same time I can appreciate that writing it was a personal journey for the author.

[Salazarsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The main character is very terrific.