My name is Ben and I'm a addict

by Benjamin D. Cox

I am writing to save my life; it’s the only thing that helps, like therapy in a way. I feel like a nurse again with a critical patient, but there is no doc on call, and the patient is me with severe chest pain. The computer desk is my stretcher, coffee is my nitro spray, cigarettes are my O2, and my pen is my IV. No morphine to numb the pain anymore though. My journal is my ECG and rhythm shows ventricular fibrillation. The laptop is my crash cart…clear…c’mon Ben…ECG still shows in v-fib…clear……/\....../\....../\......normal sinus rhythm…he’s OK...you’re…OK…it’s OK. Your family is here Ben, its over now and you’re going to be alright…I’m going to be alright…

Genres: Nonfiction

197 pages, Unknown Binding

First published January 1, 2012

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found Ben's STORY interesting and brave for sharing, but I didn't actually enjoy the book much. Partly it was the terrible grammar and lack of proof reading, the switches in tense and level of formality in the writing, the your/you're errors.... Partly it was the author's attitude - you really shouldn't say in your own book how that book is going to make you and your friends rich. The Facebook conversations at the end were hard to read and seemingly only in there to fill space and/or help the author's friends get "famous".

Overall I think this book needs the help of a professional editor and it could be republished into a very worthwhile as interesting read, but as it sits now it's hard to get past the writing to the story.

Ben - if you're reading this, I'm glad writing this helped as part of your recovery. Congratulations for being brave enough to share.

[M T · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found it difficult to get through this book, not because of the content but because of the writers attitude. I am afraid he came across as selfish and petulant. I did finish it but wished I hadn't wasted my money. As a nurse it was hard for me to fathom how it took so long for the management to discover that he was stealing the amount of drugs he did. Where was the protocol for drug stocktaking? I have also read the authors nasty comments after people dared to critique his writing and his lifestyle choices. If you publish a memoir or any book for that matter you are inviting comments from the general public who have paid for it.

[Millie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn’t enjoy this book at all. It used the word “retard” many times, which is so tasteless. The copy I read also had a bunch of spelling and punctuation errors. Unfortunately, as a reader from NS, Canada - I didn’t care for it. The story itself was fairly anticlimactic (fortunately for their life though) but didn’t make for the greatest storyline. That, on top of the poor grammar and mistakes, it wasn’t an ideal read.

[Elaine Ciarnau · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started reading the book, I couldn't put it down until finished. It put me through many emotions. I enjoyed reading about his early life and how it led him to becoming a nurse. I don't understand how no one noticed he was taking drugs or stealing them from the hospital. There was more information that could have been added. I had questions that I wanted answers to. First thing I noticed were errors in the writing, it needed polishing. All in all I did enjoy the book. I'm glad Ben turned his life around and is pursing a new career where he can help others.

[Denise Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting indeed. Very brave soul to talk about his life experience with drug addiction and how it cost him his career. It's a sad story to say the least. This can happen to anyone! So happy he turned his life around... Hope he keeps on the path of being drug free. I really enjoyed this read.....heartbreaking and tearful when you truly see how someone's life can change so much from one wrong decision!!

[Trina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading his story. It's sad what a life can come down to. Glad he got his life together. However, this book was very poorly written and edited, which made it a little difficult to get through. The email correspondence at the end was not necessary and just a filler. And as much as I wanted to like Ben, I had trouble getting past his attitude. The bad choices he made in life were all his own. Nobody else is to blame and nobody else owes him a thing. Get over yourself!!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting story, and this situation happens more often than people think. I thought there would be more related to nursing rather than mostly biography but still a pretty good quick read.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve given the book 2 stars because I do enjoy a story of addiction and redemption. It would have merited more but it’s poorly written and riddled with punctuation issues, grammar errors and numerous spelling mistakes. That I can get past, however Ben Cox in my opinion is the worst kind of narcissistic human I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading a novel by. From the treatment of his wife and her family, to his own daughter. It is just absolutely awful and he thinks he deserves the world and his issues internally are far greater than any of those around him. Furthermore the use of language is awful. As a Newfoundlander, we do not claim him or this. By the third chapter I had encountered various takes on the words “r****d” and “r******d* numerous times and it just kept going. Not long after the word “f****t” started flowing freely. It was disgraceful. He is entitled, self absorbed and turned what could have been an amazing story of perseverance and recovery into a book about “woe is me my life is worse than your’s for no particular reason but I’m incredible at everything I touch including women so let me steal morphine”. This does not come from a place where I have no idea about addiction and am completely sheltered, my background is in methadone pharmacy and my family has also been touched by the disease. It is just him as a person and his grandiosity and complete disregard for anyone outside of his patients even before his drug use began. Oh and he even berates his hospital employer because he’s the only one at the rehab centre who didn’t get his stay paid for by work. This is the same hospital he was caught stealing all his narcotics from.

[Kelly Williams · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a registered nurse, Bens’ story is a heart wrenching, honest and definitive look into the pressures of a nurses life. While I enjoyed the story very much, and found many relatable moments, it was interrupted too often with terrible grammar, spelling errors, and rambling/run on sentences. The story could have been so captivating and intriguing; it had the potential to draw in readers to the web lies Ben created, but fell flat with mundane details and unvaried syntax.
I commend the author for telling his story, and truly wish the editors and publishers could have assisted him to deliver a truly eye opening book.

[Karen Stock · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was a quick read. I am kind of surprised he hid his drug use so long. His alcohol use and behaviours certainly indicated something was wrong since he was a teen. I was expecting more from his story.
I also agree the messages at the end was a waste of book space. It was a little bit of narcissistic content.

[Germaine Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story was interesting and it was an easy read. It made me recognize the addict as a person and feel empathy for them and their struggles. There are many grammatical and spelling errors that I felt distracted from the story and message, and the ending seemed like an attempt to fill up space.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. So honest, heartwrenching and powerful. I hope that he writes another book soon. A follow up to what is going on in his life now. I think that he would make an excellent speaker to speak with addicts, their families, school students, etc.

[Monique Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved reading this book. I didn’t read it to pick it apart for bad writing I read it to read a story of someone who struggled and came out a better person. A quick and easy read. I enjoyed it for whet it was.

[Wendy Parsons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a quick little read. Quick and easy. But, oh, so very powerful! It’s so honest and raw. It’s a story not altogether uncommon yet unique to this one nurse as he shares his very personal experience with addiction, what he lost because of it and what he gained by facing it. Highly recommend.

[Kacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely an interesting read. A lot of grammar errors. Writing is a learning curve that’s for sure. Wish there were more details of his addiction. Overall, interesting and good for him!

[Jamie Kapler · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too short.
Jumped around a lot

[Sara Richards · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t completely enjoy this book. I found there was too many insiders and talking to people from his past! Unfortunately writing isn’t his forte , but kudos if it helped him heal.

[Caley Brennan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this memoir of how the author went from a happy boy living in Newfoundland to stealing opioids to fuel his addictions as a ER nurse in the Northwest Territories gripping and insightful but the frequent typos and tangents, poor pacing and structure, and tone that makes him come off as self-aggrandizing in parts made it a difficult book to get through. Cox’s story had a lot of potential to be a much better book in the hands of a good editor and it pains me to see how this was lost.

[Jasmine Cassell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. I'm usually such a grammar and spelling nazi, but I enjoyed how raw this book was. The way he chose to tell his story, using his exact words and writing.. It made me feel as if I was in his head. It takes a lot of courage to publish a book like this. It's an amazing story.

[Adrianna Atkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous read... raw, original, author was able to capture the readers' attention to detail as well as able to make the readers' sympathize with the author on different levels other than addiction. Great read... little piece of home!

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow is all I can say from the momement I picked this book up I couldn't put it down till I was done. It's a true heartbreaking story of loss and redemption after an addiction. You can really hear the sadness and loss in the writers words. A must read.

[Darion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Usually don't like drug addiction books, but i liked bens story. Hope he stays strong and is successful in his new writing career.

[Christopher Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book. Started reading it on a Saturday and could not put it down.

[Itty · Rating 2 out of 5]

The writing technique was not very good, his story seems to miss or skip parts. This guy is very full of himself. It took some effort to finish this book, because of the writing technique