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Shag Yourself Slim: The Most Enjoyable Way to Lose Weight
Forget diets...
Forget the gym...
Forget everything you knew about losing weight... Every aspect of shagging burns calories. And this book tells you how many calories each position will burn*. So get this book, get shagging and get slim! * Only aids weight loss as part of a calorie-controlled diet.
Forget the gym...
Forget everything you knew about losing weight... Every aspect of shagging burns calories. And this book tells you how many calories each position will burn*. So get this book, get shagging and get slim! * Only aids weight loss as part of a calorie-controlled diet.
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First published October 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
May 19, 2012
Summer is a comin’. This means war. Mind over mutton. Drastic measures need to be undertaken, and I don’t just mean the Bridget Jones girdle guard (which, in any case doesn’t fit me anymore. As I found out last week when I put it on but couldn’t take it off. At least not without the intervention of a fire brigade). (Well, so what. How many fires do you think they put out at any given time anyway? Its more like a tree kitten rescue job. Trust me, they welcome my sort of problems).
NEhow, on the one hand, theres Jenny Craig. And, whos to say a little ketosis isn’t good for you. (especially the morning after the night before. Why would I want to remember, when I could be floating in a state of alternated reality). On the other hand, though, theres ‘shag yourself slim’. Decisions decisions. I’m weighing this. Thinking it through from all possible angles. As if. Shag-a-delic, baaaaby.
Now, I normally wouldn’t, not at all, but considering how hard I’ll be working very soon, no harm in indulging in a few jammy dodgers. And a Victoria sponge. What the hell, I’ll just balance out with some savoury: dorritos with salasa. After all, I can afford to munch while I read, because, very soon I’m going to be shagging myself all the way slim. Phoar.
Right then, lets see how this thing is done. Obviously I’ve been missing a few tricks, but this is now going to be rectified, in the most delightful way. Here follows verbatim extract from guru gospel, a little too much from a male perspective, but I can relate:
Drinking five pints of lager to build up the courage to ask her out in the first place
+500 calories
Holding your stomach in while walking to her
-40calories
Running away from her boyfriend
-80 calories
Realising you’re lower middle class, middle aged and slightly ugly
-10 calories
Resort to choking your chicken under the duvet without making any visible movement or noise
-100 calories
Asking various women how much they charge before finding an actual prozzie
-20 calories
Stopping halfway through to see if you have enough cash to touch both nipples:
-20 calories
Persuading her you got the wrong hole by accident, but now you’re there...
-10 calories
Washing your nob, duvet and pillow cases at least twice...
-20 calories
Persuading her to piss on you
-2 calories
Pissing on your partner in return
-2 calories
Running after your angry partner who thought you were only kidding
-100 calories
Having a big fry up the next morning when you sober up
+500 calories
Walking to the clap clinic
-20 calories.
Verdict: Holy hell. I’m fatter than ever, AND, I’ve got the clap. Clearly, I can't afford to ever shag again.
NEhow, on the one hand, theres Jenny Craig. And, whos to say a little ketosis isn’t good for you. (especially the morning after the night before. Why would I want to remember, when I could be floating in a state of alternated reality). On the other hand, though, theres ‘shag yourself slim’. Decisions decisions. I’m weighing this. Thinking it through from all possible angles. As if. Shag-a-delic, baaaaby.
Now, I normally wouldn’t, not at all, but considering how hard I’ll be working very soon, no harm in indulging in a few jammy dodgers. And a Victoria sponge. What the hell, I’ll just balance out with some savoury: dorritos with salasa. After all, I can afford to munch while I read, because, very soon I’m going to be shagging myself all the way slim. Phoar.
Right then, lets see how this thing is done. Obviously I’ve been missing a few tricks, but this is now going to be rectified, in the most delightful way. Here follows verbatim extract from guru gospel, a little too much from a male perspective, but I can relate:
Drinking five pints of lager to build up the courage to ask her out in the first place
+500 calories
Holding your stomach in while walking to her
-40calories
Running away from her boyfriend
-80 calories
Realising you’re lower middle class, middle aged and slightly ugly
-10 calories
Resort to choking your chicken under the duvet without making any visible movement or noise
-100 calories
Asking various women how much they charge before finding an actual prozzie
-20 calories
Stopping halfway through to see if you have enough cash to touch both nipples:
-20 calories
Persuading her you got the wrong hole by accident, but now you’re there...
-10 calories
Washing your nob, duvet and pillow cases at least twice...
-20 calories
Persuading her to piss on you
-2 calories
Pissing on your partner in return
-2 calories
Running after your angry partner who thought you were only kidding
-100 calories
Having a big fry up the next morning when you sober up
+500 calories
Walking to the clap clinic
-20 calories.
Verdict: Holy hell. I’m fatter than ever, AND, I’ve got the clap. Clearly, I can't afford to ever shag again.
December 13, 2024
I forgot I had this stored on my Audible from back when COVID lockdowns were a thing, and for a 38-minute listen in the last weeks of 2024 I may as well add it to my reading challenge.
Well... listened challenge for this specific book.
It's a funny one to listen to (or read) as some of the things that are said come out way out of left field and are unexpected. It's presented like a recipe book with humour mixed in with it. It's not a book to take seriously or to action into your New Year's resolutions but rather a light-hearted bit of adult humour.
If you ever need a pick-me-up or something to laugh at, this could be one to listen to/read. At times, I was wiping tears away from laughing too hard. Then again, that could just simply be a sign of my immaturity.
Well... listened challenge for this specific book.
It's a funny one to listen to (or read) as some of the things that are said come out way out of left field and are unexpected. It's presented like a recipe book with humour mixed in with it. It's not a book to take seriously or to action into your New Year's resolutions but rather a light-hearted bit of adult humour.
If you ever need a pick-me-up or something to laugh at, this could be one to listen to/read. At times, I was wiping tears away from laughing too hard. Then again, that could just simply be a sign of my immaturity.
January 2, 2019
Very funny
December 22, 2022
Daft little toilet humour book
October 9, 2016
Very funny.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews