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A Force of Will: The Reshaping of Faith in a Year of Grief
When Mike Stavlund's four-month-old son suddenly died, a flood of cards, flowers, meals, phone calls, and gifts let his family know that they were loved and cared for. What was less welcome were the books, and particularly the religious ones. Often impossibly upbeat, saccharine sweet, and with all kinds of confident promises, they increased the pain rather than soothing it. Though Mike could plainly see that these writers meant well, their preoccupation with defending pristine ideas about God from the suddenly obvious truth of God's unkindness created a cognitive dissonance of such scale that he simply put them away. They were too painful to read and too offensive to bear.
Instead he wrote his own book, one week at a time during that first terrible year. A book that embraced the stark reality of loss, the sense of alienation from all of life, the feelings of suffocation at the hands of the well-meaning people gathered around, and the new awareness of feeling abandoned by God. A Force of Will helps anyone who is going through difficulty to honestly confront their feelings without being made to feel guilty. With heartfelt honesty, Mike shows that there is hope--even when there is no happy ending.
Instead he wrote his own book, one week at a time during that first terrible year. A book that embraced the stark reality of loss, the sense of alienation from all of life, the feelings of suffocation at the hands of the well-meaning people gathered around, and the new awareness of feeling abandoned by God. A Force of Will helps anyone who is going through difficulty to honestly confront their feelings without being made to feel guilty. With heartfelt honesty, Mike shows that there is hope--even when there is no happy ending.
- GenresNonfictionGrief
224 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2013
6 people are currently reading
168 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 29, 2015
I was given this book by a friend because of their concern for me during a time of grief. It is a deeply personal book, one that chronicles the thoughts and feelings and reactions to experiences during the year following the death of a baby son, while caring for that son's twin. As such, I don't feel I can critique the book well on writing style or quality. These are not the things for which the book was written, nor the ways I believe the author wishes it to be received.
This is a book by a brother, or comrade, or fellow human, shared for the sake of others in grief, with the hope that there may be strength given in the sharing. As such, the experience of the book may be quite subjective, relative to the experience of grief by the reader.
For those not in grief, it may feel voyeuristic, and to such people I would not recommend this book.
This is not a book of theology. Stavlund is strongly influenced during this year of grief by radical theologian (a title given to theologians and philosophers who seek to study and consider ideas contrary to established theology) John Caputo, author of The Weakness of God, and a major influence on Peter Rollins, author of The Orthodox Heretic and others. Rollins, Caputo, and Stavlund are all participants or influences in the "emerging church" movement. Stavlund writes for Emergent Village, a community shared by Brian Maclaren and others in the emerging church community.
Besides this, the achingly honest memoirs of his year of grief include many seemingly contradictory beliefs or views of the nature of God. At one point, Stavlund calls God "capricious", an accusation that is heretical by biblical standards, and potentially dangerous for someone experiencing grief. On the other hand, in another part of the book Stavlund appears to imply that he does not believe that God is capricious. My judgment of this is that such contradiction and confusion is very human, especially during a time of grief. I am grateful for his honesty. Many may read this book, and be encouraged by Stavlund's willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share thoughts and accusations of God that one might otherwise fear to be made known. That God carried him through weakness and doubt, and not even necessarily to certainty, is honest and human and real.
So, I found the book helpful, and appreciated it greatly. Mostly.
My own grief surrounds the loss of church community and healing from church abuse. A year ago at this time I was a lead pastor in a church. Corruption in our affiliating denomination combined with some traumatic experiences within our congregation led to my resignation. As such, I have some triggers right now surrounding church and theology. Some of Stavlund's descriptions of experiences in church community were distressing for me. Knowing that he was a pastor, and identifying numerous hermeneutical and scriptural errors (such as attributing a passage from James to Paul, the apostle) concerned me, while at the very same time made me feel a freedom in not having it all together myself, as a former pastor.
Grief is complicated. I can't promise this book would be helpful to everyone. To some, it may be the opposite. Others, I'm sure, would have an even more positive experience than mine.
So, if you think you need it, or think you know someone who might, give it a try. Open it to any page, and read one of the series of many vignettes which make up the whole. You may find quickly that it's what you need, or isn't. And that's okay. Only you know.
Thanks, Mike Stavlund, for sharing.
Finally, I would much more heartily and enthusiastically recommend two other, much shorter, memoirs of grief that I have found far more helpful than this one. They are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and In Memoriam by Henri Nouwen. Both are excellent, and I recommend both often without reservation to anyone in grief.
This is a book by a brother, or comrade, or fellow human, shared for the sake of others in grief, with the hope that there may be strength given in the sharing. As such, the experience of the book may be quite subjective, relative to the experience of grief by the reader.
For those not in grief, it may feel voyeuristic, and to such people I would not recommend this book.
This is not a book of theology. Stavlund is strongly influenced during this year of grief by radical theologian (a title given to theologians and philosophers who seek to study and consider ideas contrary to established theology) John Caputo, author of The Weakness of God, and a major influence on Peter Rollins, author of The Orthodox Heretic and others. Rollins, Caputo, and Stavlund are all participants or influences in the "emerging church" movement. Stavlund writes for Emergent Village, a community shared by Brian Maclaren and others in the emerging church community.
Besides this, the achingly honest memoirs of his year of grief include many seemingly contradictory beliefs or views of the nature of God. At one point, Stavlund calls God "capricious", an accusation that is heretical by biblical standards, and potentially dangerous for someone experiencing grief. On the other hand, in another part of the book Stavlund appears to imply that he does not believe that God is capricious. My judgment of this is that such contradiction and confusion is very human, especially during a time of grief. I am grateful for his honesty. Many may read this book, and be encouraged by Stavlund's willingness to be vulnerable and honestly share thoughts and accusations of God that one might otherwise fear to be made known. That God carried him through weakness and doubt, and not even necessarily to certainty, is honest and human and real.
So, I found the book helpful, and appreciated it greatly. Mostly.
My own grief surrounds the loss of church community and healing from church abuse. A year ago at this time I was a lead pastor in a church. Corruption in our affiliating denomination combined with some traumatic experiences within our congregation led to my resignation. As such, I have some triggers right now surrounding church and theology. Some of Stavlund's descriptions of experiences in church community were distressing for me. Knowing that he was a pastor, and identifying numerous hermeneutical and scriptural errors (such as attributing a passage from James to Paul, the apostle) concerned me, while at the very same time made me feel a freedom in not having it all together myself, as a former pastor.
Grief is complicated. I can't promise this book would be helpful to everyone. To some, it may be the opposite. Others, I'm sure, would have an even more positive experience than mine.
So, if you think you need it, or think you know someone who might, give it a try. Open it to any page, and read one of the series of many vignettes which make up the whole. You may find quickly that it's what you need, or isn't. And that's okay. Only you know.
Thanks, Mike Stavlund, for sharing.
Finally, I would much more heartily and enthusiastically recommend two other, much shorter, memoirs of grief that I have found far more helpful than this one. They are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and In Memoriam by Henri Nouwen. Both are excellent, and I recommend both often without reservation to anyone in grief.
May 5, 2013
Mike Stavlund in his new book, “A Force Of Will” published by Baker Books shows us The Reshaping of Faith in a Year of Grief.
From the back cover: There is hope–even when there is no happy ending
When Mike Stavlund’s four-month-old son suddenly died, a flood of cards, flowers, meals, phone calls, and gifts let his family know that they were loved and cared for. Less welcome were the books, in particular the religious books. Often impossibly upbeat, saccharine sweet, and with all kinds of confident promises, they were too painful to read and too offensive to bear.
Instead Mike wrote this book, one week at a time during that first terrible year. A Force of Will explores the stark reality of loss, the alienation from all of life, the feeling of suffocation at the hands of the well-meaning people gathered around, and the sense of being abandoned by God.
If you’re experiencing difficulty, this heartfelt book will help you to confront with honesty what you are going through without making you feel guilty.
I cannot imagine the wild emotional ride and pain that a parent goes through upon the death of their child. I don’t think anyone can unless you have experienced it firsthand yourself. Mike Stavlund did and he wrote down everything he went through in this book. Is it easy to read? No, let me tell you this right up front. “A Force Of Will” is brutal and painful and a wild emotional ride. What it is, however, is honest. We all need to read this book to help us understand what our friends are going through and how to be available to them to help them. That is all they really want and really need from us.
If you would like to listen to interviews with other authors and professionals please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where they are available On Demand.
To listen to 24 hours non-stop, commercial free Christian music please visit our internet radio station www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Baker Books. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
From the back cover: There is hope–even when there is no happy ending
When Mike Stavlund’s four-month-old son suddenly died, a flood of cards, flowers, meals, phone calls, and gifts let his family know that they were loved and cared for. Less welcome were the books, in particular the religious books. Often impossibly upbeat, saccharine sweet, and with all kinds of confident promises, they were too painful to read and too offensive to bear.
Instead Mike wrote this book, one week at a time during that first terrible year. A Force of Will explores the stark reality of loss, the alienation from all of life, the feeling of suffocation at the hands of the well-meaning people gathered around, and the sense of being abandoned by God.
If you’re experiencing difficulty, this heartfelt book will help you to confront with honesty what you are going through without making you feel guilty.
I cannot imagine the wild emotional ride and pain that a parent goes through upon the death of their child. I don’t think anyone can unless you have experienced it firsthand yourself. Mike Stavlund did and he wrote down everything he went through in this book. Is it easy to read? No, let me tell you this right up front. “A Force Of Will” is brutal and painful and a wild emotional ride. What it is, however, is honest. We all need to read this book to help us understand what our friends are going through and how to be available to them to help them. That is all they really want and really need from us.
If you would like to listen to interviews with other authors and professionals please go to www.kingdomhighlights.org where they are available On Demand.
To listen to 24 hours non-stop, commercial free Christian music please visit our internet radio station www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Baker Books. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
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February 22, 2017Within the past eight months, I have grieved over the loss of a family member. Everyone goes through grief in different ways. This is a book about a man whose son died too soon.
April 2, 2013
A Force of Will is a sad story of loss and heartbreak and one man’s personal journey through his first year of grief after losing his four month old son. Mike Stavlund is a beautiful writer whose words are poetic and posses a depth that brings you right into his heart.
As a parent, this is my worst nightmare. I can’t even comprehend the loss that I would feel but after reading this, I feel I have a better understanding of it because Stavlund is so raw and brutally honest. I could literally feel his pain in my heart because his words are so descriptive.
Writing through his pain was probably a very therapeutic way for him to deal with it. It’s a way to remain introspective while at the same time, pouring out his feelings with the raw emotion he was feeling, holding nothing back and releasing his grief and agony.
The Eulogy that he someone had the strength to write and read at his sons funeral is beautiful. I wish I were that gifted with words. It’s definitely a gift and he has used it to work through his pain and it will certainly help others to do the same who may not be able to voice their own grief in the same way.
A Force of Will is a poetic read, a bit dark and depressing but uplifting at the same time in some way. It’s a beautiful thing for a human being to be that in touch with their feelings and share them with the world.
As a parent, this is my worst nightmare. I can’t even comprehend the loss that I would feel but after reading this, I feel I have a better understanding of it because Stavlund is so raw and brutally honest. I could literally feel his pain in my heart because his words are so descriptive.
Writing through his pain was probably a very therapeutic way for him to deal with it. It’s a way to remain introspective while at the same time, pouring out his feelings with the raw emotion he was feeling, holding nothing back and releasing his grief and agony.
The Eulogy that he someone had the strength to write and read at his sons funeral is beautiful. I wish I were that gifted with words. It’s definitely a gift and he has used it to work through his pain and it will certainly help others to do the same who may not be able to voice their own grief in the same way.
A Force of Will is a poetic read, a bit dark and depressing but uplifting at the same time in some way. It’s a beautiful thing for a human being to be that in touch with their feelings and share them with the world.
September 2, 2013
After reading several books on the subject of grief I realize that most of the carry the same themes and messages. The only difference is the story of loss that accompanies each one. A Force of Will is a bit different in that it traces the journey of grief through the first year of the Stavlund's loss of their son Will. I did like the variety of writing styles the author chose to use. There are poems, songs, reflections, and the story narrative. I did like the theological reflections that were not empty or high-minded, but gritty and steeped in the reality of his experience. I especially liked the way the faith community surrounded this family and loved them through the most painful experience a human can endure. I did find some sections of the book tedious and containing too much detail ... of course I realize this is cathartic for the writer ... but for me, a few sections seemed to grow long in introspective self-observations. Will had a twin sister, but not very much is written about her. I would love to see Stavlund re-write his book after having been on the grief journey a few years ... I'm sure he would be able to add some layers of depth in some places. The first year is so hard. Overall, though, the positives outweigh any negatives and I do feel that someone who has lost an infant, in particular, would benefit from reading this book.
August 31, 2013
I feel fortunate to have received this book in a Goodreads giveaway! Though the author is speaking very specifically about the loss of his infant son, there are messages for not just all who have experienced loss, but for all who have wanted for and brought a child into their lives. I appreciated the in depth journey through their experience from beginning to..., I guess forever, because there really is no end. Although the book is definitely religious, and I knew that when I signed up for it, I did not find it to be so much about faith and religion as about being a parent and trying to make sense of the things that confront us to a greater (in their case) or lesser (thankfully for most of the rest of us) degree. About the overwhelming love one can have for someone you don't really even know, so quickly and so fully, and about the agonizing and unexpected decisions that come with being a parent. Lastly, I thought there was a lot of good advice about how to be a friend to someone experiencing such tragedy, and even how to be a friend yourself when you are the one suffering.
March 30, 2013
This book was very hard to read, and depressing.
It is a reflection of the grief and torment the author was feeling, after the loss of his 4 month old son. I felt like I was reading through his diary and at times snooping through his personal life. The writing is very raw, vulnerable and transparent. At times, his honesty made me uncomfortable, but I find it hard to critique a book that is about a family's grief.
I wasn't sure how I felt when I turned the last page. I wasn't inspired, nor did I feel more hopeful. I felt incredibly sad for their loss.
It is a reflection of the grief and torment the author was feeling, after the loss of his 4 month old son. I felt like I was reading through his diary and at times snooping through his personal life. The writing is very raw, vulnerable and transparent. At times, his honesty made me uncomfortable, but I find it hard to critique a book that is about a family's grief.
I wasn't sure how I felt when I turned the last page. I wasn't inspired, nor did I feel more hopeful. I felt incredibly sad for their loss.
September 18, 2013
A Force of Will is a story of loss and heartbreak and one man's personal journey through his first year of grief after losing his four month old son.
Mike somehow finds the words to express, what at times, appears inexpressible. His intense and devastating honesty will touch those of us who have lost someone we love, and struggled with their faith while working through their grief.
A Force of Will is a little depressing but uplifting at the same time. It's so touching that Mike has shared his private pain in hopes that it helps others work through theirs.
Mike somehow finds the words to express, what at times, appears inexpressible. His intense and devastating honesty will touch those of us who have lost someone we love, and struggled with their faith while working through their grief.
A Force of Will is a little depressing but uplifting at the same time. It's so touching that Mike has shared his private pain in hopes that it helps others work through theirs.
christian-growth
April 2, 2015http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1AH2d...
Anything by this guy is so incredibly real, non-religious, and wonderful. "Good writing, with a strong point, and with life oozing out."
Although he uses the story about losing his baby son and how he got through that year following his death, this book speaks to all sorts of grief and loss. It definitely resonated with me in more ways than not as I am coming out of a long but full and fruitful year of grief in my own life. Highly recommend.
Anything by this guy is so incredibly real, non-religious, and wonderful. "Good writing, with a strong point, and with life oozing out."
Although he uses the story about losing his baby son and how he got through that year following his death, this book speaks to all sorts of grief and loss. It definitely resonated with me in more ways than not as I am coming out of a long but full and fruitful year of grief in my own life. Highly recommend.
December 4, 2012
I'm a little breathless as I read this fine book. Impossibly real without being even the tiniest bit self-serving or platitudinous.
Mike Stavlund has taken the most excruciating experience of his life and created something helpful and community-building.
This book will be out in March 2013.
Mike Stavlund has taken the most excruciating experience of his life and created something helpful and community-building.
This book will be out in March 2013.
April 10, 2013
It is hard to 'rate' a book that is so honest and open about the author's painful loss. Mike's writing is very honest and poetic. At times his writing would remind me of Anne Lamott as far as his honesty and his willingness to put on paper what so many would be afraid to voice. It was a beautiful book yet a heart breaking book as well.
May 31, 2013
Mike's account of his journey of grief is honest, thoughtful, and full of invitations to live life head on in the face of the adversity and joy that make up the fabric of our existence. I am better because I read this.
June 7, 2013
If you've ever experienced loss of any kind, this book is for you. Poetic, stunningly honest writing from a theologically astute mind. Read this and be better equipped to handle grief, loss, and the heartbreak of others.
August 2, 2013
This was one of the most realistic looks at grief I have seen. The tragic story of a family that struggled with infertility, a special needs child and then the death of their baby. Very well written.
July 15, 2013
A difficult book to read, so I took it relatively slowly. Like the first year of grief, during which it was written, the book is open and raw. The author writes beautifully.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews