I Killed: True Stories of the Road from America's Top Comics

by Ritch Shydner, Mark Schiff

In a look at life on the comedy circuit, some of America's most famous comics share their own stories of life on the road, gigs gone wrong, and unexpected, zany moments, with contributions by Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Mike Myers, and Larry David.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Comedy, Stand Up, Short Stories, Biography Memoir, Biography

288 pages, Hardcover

First published October 3, 2006

Reviews

[Bev · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I've got my show biz/standup comedy terminology down, then the title of this book ought to start I Died instead of I Killed: True Stories of the Road from America's Top Comics. Because this thing died on stage. And apparently lay there for a week or two before anybody noticed. Definitely no belly laughs here, maybe a brief flicker of a smile or two. Maybe. But overall this is not a funny book. I refuse to tag it as humor on Goodreads. It would seem that Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff, our comic hosts for this little tour, think that four letter words and sex with waitresses, strippers, and whoever else might have been available to lonely comics on the road (and the four letter word for sex) are the funniest things their fellow comedians could tell us and a close runner up is how ineptly and/or forcefully said comedians dealt with hecklers and horrendous gigs.

I chose this book primarily because it helped me with Clue #3 in my Super Book Password Challenge. But I also sincerely thought I would enjoy it. With promises of stories from the likes of Jay Leno, Mike Myers, Jeff Foxworthy, Drew Carey, Tim Allen, Joan Rivers, and others, I expected better...and funnier. I was sorely disappointed. Not recommended. ★ is, I think, generous and I only give it one star in honor of the few funny bits--nearly all of which were by or in reference to older comedians (Bob Hope, Red Buttons, Milton Berle, Jonathan Winters....).

First posted on my blog My Reader's Block. Please request permission before reposting. Thanks.

[Neil Torquiano · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before comedy podcasts dished out the inside baseball on stand-up, you had to comb through comedy books filed under memoirs or essays.

"I Killed" is a great collection of road stories. The book has a great tie-in with the documentary "I Am Comic," and has the author Ritch Shydner returning to the stage.

[Cass · Rating 2 out of 5]

Absolute crap until page 188, where it turned slightly funny but for every funny story there were at least 3 either pointless, gross or utterly uninteresting ones. I want to burn this book so no one else can go through the surprisingly bland experience of reading it.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I shouldn't be surprised at the amount of misogyny in the comedy business. but whoa, this book really hits you in the face how badly women are treated by male comedians. What is up with that? Other than that, a very entertaining book.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wish all the stories here were as funny as the funniest ones. Not bad but I am not sure it's worth full price.

[Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

comedians telling stories from their time in the business. they varied a bit in quality, but overall quite good.

[Erica Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s so interesting to see what life can be like for a stand up comedian (especially during the 80s, which is when a lot of these stories take place). Many of them are gasp inducing, but there are also some nice heartwarming stories. Overall a fun read!

[Jessica Kubis · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s rare that I can’t finish a book, but this is one I just can’t pick up again. It’s not funny, and from these stories, I can see why so many women in comedy have come forward with stories about harassment and assault. So much misogyny in these pages! Spend your time and dollars elsewhere.

[Al · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I killed” is a boast by a comedian after he successfully performed his act to an enthusiastic audience; “I Killed” the book, on the other hand, is a compendium of stories from stand-up comedians who achieved the very opposite—a disastrous outing due to any variety of factors: being drunk or high while performing, threatening hecklers, low-rent surroundings, or an unappreciative audience. These are road stories of comedians who have run the gamut of the comedy club circuit, some famous, some forgotten. The stories themselves of greedy comedy club owners, lousy food, poor living accommodations and (sometimes) angry, violent audience members might make any prospective stand-up comic think twice before embarking on such a career. But the lure of applause and laughter as well as the appeal of easily getting laid and possible stardom will continue to supply the comedy club circuit machine. The stories told here are often very funny and ribald, not the sanitized version of stand-up you may have gotten from watching television, so be warned. Two milder examples:
<[Comedian Jim Patterson met a girl after his show] who offered him a ride home. She took shortcuts to the comedy condo he never even knew. They went into the condo and she said, “You know, I’ve never done this before.” He asked, “What a one-night stand?” She said, “No. Go home with an opener.”>
<[Jeff Stillson] I was working on a cruise ship with this guy who was truly terrible. Halfway through the act, an old man with a walker stood up and screamed, “Are you gonna end this or do we have to?”>
Most stories are fully developed, at least a page or two. I thought stories by Jeff Foxworthy, Mike Myers and Mike Preminger were especially funny, but your reaction will likely vary. (If you saw Chris Rock’s movie “Top Five,” you’ll recognize the real life bizarre story that Rock tells here.) If you’re a big fan of live stand-up, you’ll probably be a fan of “I Killed” as well.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who put in 4 years in a Second City van, I was interested to see how stand-ups' road stories compared. The main differences: 1) more groupie and/or waitress sex. 2) More getting threatened by racists. 3) Much lonelier. This book will validate your choice to not become a standup comic.
Some of these stories are f-in awesome. Most are super-funny, although I rolled my eyes at a couple comics who riddle their stories with hacky one-liners. Guys-- if I was interested in your material, I'd go catch your act.
Also, the editor/compilers, stand-ups themselves, made the inexplicable choice to end a book of funny road stories with 3 consecutive Moving stories-- literally, "That's when I realized what comedy is about-- making those troops laugh" and "My Dad saw my act one more time before he died" for the last 3 stories. Nothing against the stories in and of themselves, but how do 2 career standups not know that, sure, you can make people think near the end of your set, but then you close with your biggest laugh?

[Matthew · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hate to do it but I have to give this book one star for being such a disappointment to me. I was so excited to dive into a book that included such funny and interesting people. I figured the stories would range in focus, be funny, give new insights into the lifestyle of road tripping as a comic. After all, comedians have such unique perspectives and the best comedy is about reframing something we only thought we knew.

The stories in this book all start to sound the same. We quickly get the picture that road comics are disgusting and only care about sex and drugs. In most of the stories it felt like the author, or other comedians in the story, were trying to impress us with how 'crazy' and 'gross' they could get. I found a lot of these stories quite boring, even when the author was trying to namedrop. The most interesting stories were the handful that broke away from this pattern.

If you're interested in the comedy itself then give this book a pass. If you're interested in reading about partying on the road then you might want to give this book a try. As for me, one star.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Often obscene and pointless but just as often absurd, witty and hilarious, these tales of comics plying their craft in dive bars across the country shine the spotlight backstage, on the ridiculous circumstances they have to endure while trying to hone their acts. If you've ever performed in clubs, the laughs will be rueful; if you haven't, this glimpse behind the curtain will give you real insight into what even our most beloved comics had to go through on their way to the top.

[Kathy Hauck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Proof positive that Stand-Up comics are:

1) Pigs and
2) Tortured and
3) Not that funny

If life on the road is this horrid, it's a wonder there are any stand-up comics at all. I found a few of their stories to be interesting. Not well written and little repetitive, but interesting.

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book features stories of the road from a variety of comics. Many of the stories are laugh out loud funny, although be warned: language used in the stories is frequently foul and three or four of the stories I found quite offensive (and I am definitely NOT a "politically correct" type of person). Still, I think the laughs far outweighed the few unpleasant tales.

[Jon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of dozens of stories from the road from some of America's best known (and lesser known, too)stand-up comics. A fun, fast read; with stories ranging from only a paragraph to a few pages, the laughs are non-stop. There was even a great, tear-jerking story from Mark Schiff. If you enjoy comedy, don't pass this one up.

[Jane Revevalin]

It is funny. Hilarity in its truest sense. Maybe it's because it has no thought-out story line. no recreated punchlines or ice breakers. It's just true stories from people whose job is to ease up our lives.

[Tammy Ikram · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fun collection from lots of great comedians who tell short stories about their lives on the road. You laugh out loud at several parts. Some hits, some misses (like any compilation). It definitely gave me perspective on the fascinating, (and sometimes very dangerous) life of a road comic.

[Rory Toohey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Quantity over quality here, as there's a ton of comedians contributing their most boring stories (and, in some cases, other people's stories). There's no through-line, no point made, and nothing memorable here.

[Brian Butts · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve ever read about Kenny G taking a dump.

[Justin · Rating 1 out of 5]

So many awful people telling awful stories of how awful they are. This book is like the OJ book for comics. Several crime confessions, and very little in the way of funny.

[David Nelson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I heard about this on a podcast and I was excited to read it - it seemed like it would be right up my street. It has missed the mark for me though.

I think my main problem is time and place. I'm massively into the contemporary UK comedy scene - this is mostly American and eighties. It feels very of its time and it's just not connecting with me. Not necessarily because it's mostly not names I recognise and I don't care about the stories unless it's a celebrity I know or anything like that - far from it - it's more that it feels really dated and, frankly, America is a fucking stupid place and a lot of these stories kinda just make you glad you don't live there rather than make you laugh. Too many of these stories - particularly those where people are performing in the south and away from the established comedy circuit - just make it sound like an awful, racist, and shamefully conservative place. Why the fuck are people bringing guns to comedy show? Get a grip of yourselves.

The format SHOULD work. I love hearing these types of anecdotes and stories on comedy podcasts, and all the inside-baseball stuff is interesting to me. I'm sure something is lost when it's written down rather than verbally told by someone who tells stories for a loving, but still. It just feels like a huge number of the contributions don't really deliver an inherently funny or interesting anecdote. A lot of people seem to have submitted stories that are just bragging about having sex with waitresses or something. Crude does not automatically equal funny. There's probably only a handful of contributions that are genuinely laugh out loud funny. Some are memorable for other reasons. Many just feel pointless or make the writer seem like a dickhead.

I'll stick to podcasts to scratch this itch.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me caution you: this book is NOT for everyone. This book was barely even for me. That three stars is more like a 2.5 stars.

Most of the stories here are fine. A few are utterly hilarious. A few (packed in at the end) are quite moving. And some I wish I had never read and I would like to bleach my brain. Memory repression is already in progress.

I've learned that not being a standup comedian was definitely the right life choice for me. I've learned that booking agents are lying liars. And I've learned that it is a truth universally acknowledged that any comedian who finds themselves in a lull will reach for a "bitches, amirite?" joke. Sigh.

[Zach Freeman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great collection of stories from the road - the title is a bit misleading since “killing” has a specific connotation in stand-up parlance and many of the stories actually involve “dying” but that’s just me being pedantic. The subtitle is more accurate: “True Stories of the Road from America’s Top Comics.” Still, it’s a mixed bag - there are some great stories and there are some really lame ones. There are also some that aren’t road stories at all... but overall it’s a quick read - each story taking around a page - and it offers some great insight into the life of a stand-up comic.

[Melinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. In the first half of the book, some of the accounts painted comics in such a bad light, I couldn't understand why anyone would want their name associated with this book. (I can't say that comics had a great reputation to begin with.). There were some redeeming passages later in the book. I would give it 2.5 if I could, because even with my misgivings, I kept reading-like a car accident you can't look away from. Mike Meyers piece in the middle was one of the highlights.

[Rhonda Yung · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh...I guess I was looking for more amusing anecdotes. The world of stand up comedy is something that has always intrigued me. I have read a few biographies and watch many documentaries about the life of a comic. I go to stand up performances often. I just wasn't too thrilled with this one. This does not stop my love of learning about comedy and comedians. I will look for something better. There are plenty out there.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

A revealing look at the life of a road comic through multiple decades of comedy, featuring stories involving legends like Rodney Dangerfield and Bob Hope, Johnny Carson and Milton Berle, as well as modern day stars like Seinfeld, Ron White, and Patton Oswalt. The stories are numerous and varied, with the average quality being relatively high. If you're a fan of standup, this book is essential reading. Grab a barstool and start across the stage towards the mic for this entertaining collection.

[Koren · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was expecting a very funny book, as there are stories from some of the biggest names in the world of comedy, but there were not many laughs and most of the book was complaining about getting heckled and not getting paid and some of the stories were very disrespectful of women. It seems comedians are at risk of getting beat up pretty often. If you think comedy is all fun and games this book will change your mind.

[Nick · Rating 2 out of 5]

Published in 2006, it's an insight into the stand-up comedy scene from the 1980s - 1990s. Most of the stories are not that memorable or funny but it is interesting to learn more about how tough it must have been to build a stand-up career in the years before social media.
I would only recommend it to American stand-up comedy fans from the 80s-90s who would have been familiar with the personalities and venues.

[Julius Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this while I was vacation. It's a bunch of one and two page stories from comedians from around the nation. They explain some of their funniest adventures while performing mostly in dive bars at places to which they will never return. If you have some time to kill, this is a good solution. Some of the stories are actually funny! lol

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good book. Emotional roller coaster. It's stories about comedians being told by comedians, so lots of laughs. There are some parts that disgusted me...but the end...the last few stories...so touching. I bought this book thinking it would be a quick read, with a few laughs, but for me it was more, hence the 5 star review.