Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

by Sarah Mae, Sally Clarkson

"Desperate" is for those who love their children to the depths of their souls but who have also curled up under their covers, fighting back tears, and begging God for help. It's for those who have ever wondered what happened to all their ideals for what having children would be like. For those who have ever felt like all the "experts" have "clearly" never had a child like theirs. For those who have prayed for a mentor. For those who ever felt lost and alone in motherhood.

In" Desperate" you will find the story of one young mother's honest account of the desperate feelings experienced in motherhood and one experienced mentor's realistic and gentle exhortations that were forged in the trenches of raising her own four children.

Also in Desperate:

* QR codes and links at the end of each chapter that lead to videos with Sarah Mae and Sally talking about the chapter
* Practical steps to take during the desperate times
* Bible study and journal exercises in each chapter that will lead you to identify ways in which you can grow as a mom
* Mentoring advice for real-life situations
* Q & A section with Sally where she answers readers questions

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Living, Self Help, Christianity, Faith

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 8, 2013

About the author

Sarah Mae is the author of the book, The Complicated Heart: Loving Even When it Hurts, a story about how Sarah learned to love and forgive her alcoholic mother.

Sarah is the host of The Complicated Heart podcast, she speaks all over the country encouraging women to walk in freedom, and she wrangles three extroverted kids, a naughty yellow lab, and new husky puppy, because obviously she loves chaos. Holding down the fort with her in Lancaster, PA is her woodworker husband, Jesse.

Reviews

[Joy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a difficult one to rate. I read this over the course of a few months with a group of moms for bible study. We had new moms, seasoned older moms and grandmothers, and those of us in between. The group was wonderful and encouraging. The book has it's ups and downs.

I appreciated the encouragement and bible verses. The advice to find women who are in the same stage of parenting as you and those who are older and more experienced is great. I think all new moms could use a mom friend to listen and encourage. It's made me seek out new friendships that have been a blessing in my life.

I found the style of the book to be slightly irritating, alternating between young mom Sarah Mae and seasoned mom Sally Clarkson. I understand the choice to structure the book like that, it just got to me with Sarah Mae's griping followed by Sally Clarkson's sage advice.

I think this would be a difficult book for mom's not well-versed in scripture and not in a particular socioeconomic group. For example, when Sarah Mae complains about not liking to clean or knowing how to keep up with it, she's able to hire someone to come in and clean for her. I don't relate to that. I'm sure there are many other moms out there who would also see that as a luxury they cannot afford.

I also feel this book leaves out single moms (though there is a small note in the back that addresses single moms) and parents caring for special needs children. There's a lot of focus on having "me" time. I have a husband who helps as much as he can while supporting our family and neither of us get time to ourselves often. Single parents don't always have that back-up help to give them a break. When you have a child with special needs it's not easy to find help.

One thing that really bothered me was that the authors seemed to have a simplified view of depression and mental illness. I'm glad that both of them were able to overcome issues of depression and sadness, but it's not an easy fix for many people. It can be a lifelong illness that requires medication, therapy and lots of support.

The authors hearts are in the right place and for what it is and what they set out to do, it's okay. While I think this book would certainly ring true with some women and be a guide and hope for them, I have my doubts that this would apply to most moms.

[Kameron · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did enjoy this book and found many things that convicted and encouraged me. However, after a few chapters, I tired a bit of the whiny tone in Sarah Mae's writings and the over-bubbly cheer of Sally's responses. It seemed to focus so much on the 'me' of motherhood and not much on how as Christian mother's we are really called to take up our crosses and follow Him...without focusing on our own needs. He will supply all of our needs, according to His riches in glory...and He will provide just enough quiet moments or free time to keep us recharged. As I read this, I thought of my missionary mom friends in third world countries or the mothers I know who struggle just to provide enough food for their children. This book and the suggestions of hiring house cleaning help, taking a few days off by yourself, or even just sitting in a comfy chair in a beautifully decorated room while sipping tea and listening to your pandora music would be a joke to them. As one other review already stated, the book should have come with a caveat saying it was really for middle-to-upper class North American mothers. It is still worth reading, but I've found the best mothering encouragement to come from Rachel Jankovic's two outstanding books.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good mothering book. The blend of Sarah Mae's honesty with Sally's wise, godly, and time tested wisdom, well, I loved it. I am an idealist and a dreamer and so I connect with Sally's writing so well. She is a beautiful writer and lover of God.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Desperate, Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe
By Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson

I really want to like this book; several people I really respect love this book. I like the overall concepts of this book but there are so many little things that keep me from loving it.
Desperate is team written by a young mom and mentor mom and covers a variety of topics including the mission of motherhood, reason why we do what we do, needing others especially a mentor, the sin factor, and gritty stuff like depression, housework, selflessness and then ends with thoughts on how to be a great mom. I loved the focus on the fact that formulas don’t always work because all families are different, the reassurance that there are seasons of life (one reason this book is probably especially good for ones with very little ones, I felt like I was a little out of the season on ‘desperation’ that they were focusing on), the need to work hard but overall to trust God and lean into Him for your purpose and worth; and to enjoy your life as a mother (another subtitle could be enjoy every moment-seriously).
Yet I had a hard time with this book. First of all, I really felt the need for a short disclaimer that these are issues facing middle to upper class moms in developed nations and that we have sisters around the world whose problems aren’t- am I spending too much time on the computer but what will my children eat, will my son be captured by the African child army or will I have to sell my daughter so the rest of us can survive? I don’t think we need to feel needless guilty that others have it harder but I do think we need to realize the truth. I also feel like the book doesn’t address working class families of America either. They do talk about making the budget in the early years but there is also a lot about spa days and buying flowers and hiring a maid. I wanted to ask, does the manicurist also get to homeschool and invest in her kids that way? Of course not. (I am writing this at the mall while my youngest is at preschool while a women is cleaning the floor around me!) But this book is addressed to those of us Christian moms who can be at home with our kids and we do have to live the life God has given us with its own issues and ups and downs. I also felt like the book, while honest, still had a too chipper feel about it; it seemed like the structure and way it was written would fit a blog form better than a book. Sally many times talked about the need to refill yourself and find what is life-giving for you (for her music and beauty) so you can pour into your children, but she didn’t give examples on what that might be for others. I also felt confusion between the being selfless, working hard and not ‘escaping’ part versus the need to refill. Sally says some will say you deserve to do x,y & z (their example is the computer or shop) and I wanted to say, yes the chapter before you were the one saying it. I was in the shower the other day and wanted to stay for a while longer wanting a break from my girls and I thought, is this a life-giving refill I need or am I escaping from the need to engage my children? I know the answer is there is no formula you just need to be sensitive to what the Spirit leads. Which really is the best part of the book, reminding us moms that God created us for a purpose and we can effect eternity with these little lives he has given us.
If you are a mom with little ones, I do recommend you read this book (and do the activities for each chapter)

[Meredith McCaskey · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm vacillating between one and two stars for this book. The only reason I finished it (and I skimmed the last couple chapters) was because I was reading it along with a small group of Christian moms I've been meeting with, so I felt like I had to finish it.

This is the kind of book I had to call my own mother and rant about more than once.

I've noticed this pattern in Christian momdom. A Christian mom starts a blog. Something about it goes viral. So she writes a book. She joins a coalition of other Christian female bloggers. She Speaks At Conferences. Lather, rinse, repeat. But here's the thing: just because you can write a good blog post doesn't mean you should write a book. And things that make good blog post topics don't necessarily translate into good books. This book was desperate (ha ha) for a good editor to help it have a coherency and flow. It jumps all over the place. There are chapters where Sara Mae's half seems to have absolutely nothing to do with Sally Clarkson's half. I've also noticed that in more than a few of the contrived "letters" that start each section, Sara Mae asks Sally all these questions, and in reply Sally launches into some anecdote of her beautiful mothering career and neglects to answer Sara's questions completely.

Let's move to content. I've been trying to put my finger one what it is in this book that is causing such a strong, gut-level reaction of dislike. I think that it's twofold. First, by the end I found Sally's parts to be really grating on my nerves. She seems to see herself as sitting on this Grand Pedestal Of Motherhood, having Achieved All, and she graciously deigns to shower all us poor schmucks still slogging through the trenches with her wisdom. Look at what a wonderful mom I have been is the underlying vibe, because I've read my Bible and come up with profound insights every single day, and I've made sure my kids do too, and I've created Adventures and made my home Beautiful and now my Kids All Love Jesus and are Awesome Too, and if you imitate me you might end up being half as awesome as I am. I basically know everything there is to know about Godly Motherhood (TM) and I can answer All Your Questions. She is very fond of telling moms that they are free to from cultural expectations and that there is no formula, but then she proceeds to tell about how SHE did motherhood and slaps the label "biblical" on her approach, leaving little doubt in the reader's mind that we aren't REALLY free, because my goodness, if you DON'T have a daily "quiet time" (oh how my teeth clench at that phrase!!!) and begin and end each day with prayer then it is practically guaranteed that your children will grow up to be Little Heathens Who Do Drugs. And that's really what it boils down to– there is very little room for the sovereignty of God in this book. It claims to be "hope for the Mom who needs to breathe" but it really does just the opposite because almost every chapter left me feeling like It All Depends On Me. And the last thing I need at this stage of my life is to have more emotional and spiritual burdens heaped on my shoulders.

The second underlying issue I have with this book is that suffering is almost completely left out of the picture. They seem to have no category for long-term, chronic suffering. Even depression is treated lazily as "Well, have you been having your quiet time? Have you been praying? Have you been getting enough sleep?" I can't help but get the impression that Sara and Sally have both had... well... pretty easy lives. Maybe that's not the case– I have no idea. But the narrative comes dangerously close to prosperity gospel at times because of this whole idea that "if your life is going well and you're happy, then that's because God is blessing you because you're doing things right" and "if your life is crappy and there's all kinds of stuff going wrong, it's because you're doing things wrong and you need to get your act together so God can bless you again." There's no concept of how God is near to us in the midst of suffering, how suffering is so often and mysteriously part of His plan for our growth, not in a "teach you a lesson" kind of way but in an "when the waters overwhelm you I am there" kind of way. In this book it's all rose colored glasses and classical music and reading great books and touching speeches from Sally's kids about how much they love her and what a great mom she is. I kid you not. So, exactly how is that going to provide hope for the mom who is undergoing long-term suffering? What if one of your children dies? What if you have a chronic disease, or a terminal illness? What if your husband loses his job and you have to go back to work full-time? What if you and your husband BOTH have to work full time just to make ends meet?

(I agree with a couple other reviewers who have stated that this book needs to come with a caveat that if you are not an upper-middle class stay-at-home mom who has money to spend on things like fresh flowers and getaways and housekeepers and Target shopping sprees, don't bother reading.)

This is the longest review I've ever written, to date, and it's just because this book bothered me so much. Please, if you're a Christian mom in the midst of the season of small children, and you need encouragement, please don't read this. Pick up and read Long Days of Small Things by Catherine McNiel. She won't tell you to make sure you're having a daily quiet time on top of the fifty-eight thousand things other things you are responsible for today. She will meet you in the trenches and bring you grace. She will weep with you over the hard things, over the suffering, over the brokenness of life, and she won't toss out trite (or impractical) solutions like hire a housecleaner or take a vacation. She will show you that Jesus loves you, sweet Mama, right where you're at and you don't have to do more, be more, try harder– you can rest in His arms.

[Magen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a series of letters between Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, this book does a wonderful job of speaking to mothers who truly desire to cultivate joy, love for the Lord, and a sense of peace in their homes and in the hearts of their children. Many days can feel chaotic and difficult and we can easily find ourselves in pits of despair and feeling like we’re failing. I highly recommend this book to all moms as it gave me a renewed sense of what’s truly important in my vocation and gave great reminders/advice such as leaning on God and His word daily and forming rich friendships and community as we journey through motherhood.

[sincerely · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The truth is, I cannot expect to do everything I set out to do. I not only need to consider my options carefully, counting the cost and asking myself if I can honestly do the thing well and follow through, but I need to take into account the season of my life. I have little ones in my care. This is my time to invest in their souls, and to count the cost of not investing in them."

Luke 14:28, "For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?"

Wow. This book is so good. I wish I had learned these things as a young person. I'm glad I'm learning them now, and considering them before the time is gone, but man oh man do I wish someone would have asked me some heartfelt questions about what I thought it would really look like to be a mother and wife one day!

"If you do not have a plan or a philosophy, then you will try to fit your life into other people's plans. God has made each couple with the freedom to create their own family culture. The sooner you decide to embrace your own values, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses, the more you will become who God made you and your husband to be."

[Carlyn Canady · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is perhaps the hardest review I have ever written.  Why?  Because this book was so very real to me.  From the moment I read the description, I knew I had to read it.  Never did it occur to me that I would have such an emotional response to the book.

What is the book about, you ask?

"I just can't be a mother today."  That is the name of the Introduction.

How many times have those words been in my heart?  How many times have those words sunk deep into my being?

But I am a mother.  Of two precious girls who need me as their mother.  So how do I balance my own emotional and physical exhaustion with fulfilling their needs?

Well, that's where Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson come in.  Throughout their book, they exchange letters, emails, phone calls, and visits … almost as if you were a part of the conversation.  Sarah writes an note to Sally begging for help … Sally responds.  Sarah writes the first half of a chapter, Sally responds with the second half.  Such an amazing writing style from both ladies … again, as if I was a part of their conversations, soaking up their encouragement, wisdom, and nurturing spirit with every page of the book.

Chapter 3 I think was my favorite chapter … "Formulas Don't Always Work."  I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but there are a blue million books on parenting.  I have read probably 10 of them.  And I am not sure I will ever read another one … because when it comes down to it … the solutions in those books are nothing more than "if … then" scenarios.  Parenting isn't an "if … then" scenario.  It is a relationship that you are building with your child … one that should model the relationship YOU have with Jesus.

In this chapter, Sarah tells about a time when her daughter climbed out of her bed at bedtime.  Discipline did not work … spanking, sternness, ignoring … nothing worked.  Here is the sentence that fit my girls (both of them!):  "Caroline was not going to fit in any box.  There would be no pat answer for how to raise and discipline her."

I can replace Caroline with Makayla AND Izzy.  Neither one of them are "in-the-box children".  (Just read Izzy's story if you don't believe me … she hasn't been "in-the-box" since conception!)  No parenting book is going to give me the best advice for raising my girls.

What advice does Sarah offer?  "Love them.  Hug them, kiss them, cuddle with them, spend more time rubbing their heads and holding their hands.  Give yourself to them without rush.  Pray with them, and let them twirl your hair in their little fingers.  Look them in the eye when you talk to them."

And that list goes on for another few paragraphs in Chapter 3.  (I would give page numbers, but since I am reading it as an e-book, they just won't be the same!)

Sally, in her part of the chapter, tells about "well-meaning believers" who would speak freely about "'God's will for [their] lives'".  She called this people "Job's friends" … because his 3 friends felt it necessary to share how they believed God felt about Job, whether it was true or not.  It made me wonder how many authors of parenting books that try to put every child in a box might be considered one of Job's friends?

Sally goes on to say: "I believe that there is no 'one right way.'  God calls each of us to seek Him, to look for His wisdom and to follow where He calls us by faith, and it will be a different story for each family, marriage, and individual mom or dad.  To walk that uncertain line, we must trust that God will be faithful to lead and guide us."

Life is about building relationships that reflect God's love for us.  Parenting is the exact place we should begin to model that for our children.  Have I got it figured out?  Absolutely not!  But I have a direction to go in.  Which is a lot better off than I was when I started reading this book!

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found many good reminders in this book - that my greatest job in training up my children, that routines are helpful, that the desperate little babies time does end, that I need both to seek someone to mentor as well as to find someone to mentor me.

I do have a few finer points of disagreement though:
1. I disagree with how they handled the issue of struggling with depression. There was a little too much "just trust God, read your Bible, start working hard, and you'll feel better". That works for the doldrums but doesn't work for someone who is actually depressed. Their advice would only worsen/deepen a mother's depression if she tries it and she still doesn't get better.

2. I was left with a feeling of "good Godly mothering = children who are following the Lord." It wasn't until the bonus Q&A at the end of the book that I read a single sentence about children going their own way, regardless of how the parents raised them. It's all too easy to carry the weight/guilt of being entirely responsible for how our children turn out. This is not to diminish my responsibilities but we can't play the role of God for our children.

3. Again in the Q&A, I was annoyed by the stereotyping of boys and how we need to raise them so differently from girls. Both boys and girls need lots of time to run around outside, good role models to follow, and not too much sitting for their schooling. I'd rather not have Mark's role models be crazy warriors, just because he likes to run around. There are great men out there for him to respect and emulate who aren't involved in battles.

[Bethanyanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this one because I've read several of Sally's other works. This was a sweet and encouraging book without venturing into false theology. I'd recommend it over other newer motherhood books.

[Jacqueline · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've given this four stars because it was encouraging, convicting, and I'd read it again on difficult mothering days. (Well -- maybe the next day, since "difficult mothering days" don't usually offer up a lot of spare time for reading.) Some points and counterpoints:

NEGATIVE: A theme throughout the book is the concept of "me time." Maybe a short snippet reminding mothers to be sure they're physically and spiritually strong enough to serve their families is in order, but this was reiterated in almost every chapter. Knowing myself as I do, I feel like mothers could take this as "official" permission to be selfish with their time. Obviously there is wisdom in being sure we don't serve to the point of collapse, but there are many times I'd rather hire a sitter and sit at a coffee shop with a book than do (what feels like) the "daily grind" with my children. One of the beautiful things about motherhood is reaching the end of yourself and relying on the grace of God.

POSITIVE: However, I loved Sally's assertion that developing yourself as a person enriches your children and improves your mothering. There is a difference between serving your children wholeheartedly and completely losing yourself in mothering. I think the latter leads to a blander life for your children as they grow, an unhealthy assumption that it's all about them, and later on, a woman who doesn't know what to do with herself after her children are gone. Showing your children that you have interests and passions, and focusing on these in your parenting as well as in your "off-time," is healthy and encourages them to be interesting, creative, and productive people.

NEGATIVE: I got the strong impression that both authors are anti-spanking.

POSITIVE: However, while I think the book erred a little too far on the side of "not-spanking," I did love the emphasis on showing grace to your children. And with all the Christian parenting books advising "consistency" (i.e. NEVER missing an opportunity to spank or you've ruined your child and your life), I don't think it's bad that there's a conservative, Biblical voice out there challenging that idea. I just wish they'd been a little more balanced. (Of course, balanced, in my mind, just means agreeing with me.) :)

Overall I'd recommend this book to any mother, particularly of young children, who needs Biblical encouragement to carry on doing the good work she's begun.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae partner together with ease in this convicting and encouraging book. They get it, they understand what a mother often feels deep inside and are able approach a multitude of questions and situations with a biblically sound, Godly approach. I wish I read this years ago for it's a book worth rereading. Don't get me wrong, this is not a book just for mothers of wee ones, its a book for moms who need to be refreshed and renewed on the importance of the children God blessed you with, regardless of their ages.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find most Christian parenting books incredibly cringey (in the parlance of our times), so I did not expect this one to be different. But I ended up really liking it. It was helpful to read the perspectives of a mom in a similar stage as me with very similar struggles, but to have that balanced by a mother further along the journey. Honest, encouraging, and useful without being too prescriptive. It’s a keeper!

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just can't even put into words how much this spoke to me as a mama of young ones. Like having a conversation with a mentor. A must read. And I will read again.

[Shannon McGarvey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another book that kicked me in the gut. This is my second read and maybe I need to read this again in the future. Very convicting on being a Godly mother. Especially in desperate seasons.

[Margaret Bronson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read a lot from both authors and enjoy them both. There was a lot of themes repeated in this from the other books but I really enjoyed the presentation of the info. So many good reminders and Chapters 7 and 8 in particular were new material that I really appreciated.

This book would make the perfect baby shower gift or gift for a mom who is lonely or struggling. It covers all the good stuff.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know, I hate to say it, but after reading several of Sally’s books, it is definitely starting to feel like, if you’ve read one, you’ve read them all and gotten it and the message is a little redundant at this point. And I don’t relate that candles and music are mood savers. But, I still need to hear the messages of loving and discipling our kids well and creating a nurturing environment to train them up. Some good encouraging reminders that can’t be read too often.

[Jamie Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most encouraging book for mom’s raising kids. It has brought me much comfort and wisdom from scripture. Parenting is for the long haul.

[Loraena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this whole book in one day. I realized it was due at the library, and I had not even cracked the cover open. I didn't want to return it without having an idea what it was all about, but when I started perusing it, it completely sucked me in and I just didn't want to stop reading! That is definitely a first for me when it comes to parenting books. Usually, I have found them unhelpful, but I trudge through them anyway because I want to have an informed opinion...

This book is a breath of fresh air. It is the book on Christian parenting that I've been looking for, but didn't quite believe was out there! It is practical, down-to-earth, scripture laden, and spiritually encouraging. It join us in the trenches, lifts our eyes to the big picture of what we're doing, and also alleviates the overwhelming anxiety, shame, and self-doubt many young mothers experience (including me).

I have found many books on Christian parenting to be either guilt inducing (see my review on Shepherding a Child's Heart), full of harsh disciple techniques, dry and theoretical, badly written, or all of the above. I am typically quick to decide what is wrong with such books, but have not had much success finding alternatives. This is it! This book truly does breathe life and hope into a desperate mother's heart by pointing our eyes to the One who is our only Hope.

There were many sections where I thought to myself "I could have written this", mainly because the experiences and lessons learned by the authors so mirror my own. To say my daughter's toddler years were rough is putting it mildly and does not even begin to do justice to feelings of desperation and suffocation I experienced more days than not (if you don't believe me, ask my husband). Much of the wisdom Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson share in this book I learned the hard way - on days it was just God, a crazy out-of-control toddler, and and a very inadequate me (who was also confused and ashamed to discover I had such inadequacies). Reading this book, I found myself rejoicing over the transparency of the authors and resonating with the difficulties they shared (especially Sarah's frustration with her "out of the box" daughter) as well as the encouragement they both experienced in God as he drew near to them as they sought him. "Desperate" is both a perfect description of this season of life for many mothers and a perfect title.

Even though this season of my life is beginning to fade (at least until/unless God blesses us with another, younger child) I found this book incredibly helpful and encouraging. I will be recommending it to my friends. And even though it is targeting mothers of young children, I think Christian dads will benefit from it too and parents with kids of any age will find it full of grace and hope in Christ.

[Mandy J. Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

MY REVIEW:

As a mother of 3 kids birthed within a 4 year window I can relate to moments of desperation. So many books make you feel like you should be Mary Poppins and gloss over the reality of the daily grind. Sally and Sarah Mae address the issues that most of us mothers are too scared to even breath a word about. I remember being caught completely of guard by several things as a young mother in the "desperate days".

Desperate is 14 chapters of back-and-forth between the desperate mom (Sarah Mae) and the mentor mom (Sally). Personal letters between Sally and Sarah Mae begin each chapter which are then followed by their joint writing of the chapter content. I have not read many "co-authored" books, but of the few I have, this is the best. It flows smoothly together as if only one wrote it with the benefits of two perspectives.

I really liked how this book didn't just give some broad brush strokes about the reality of motherhood, but rather got nitty-gritty with practical steps to take in living out the big picture. This books also connects everything back to the Word of God and bases our purpose as mothers in Scripture. I also really appreciate how this book is designed to create community among mothers rather than comparison and competition - it makes you want to do life together.

Most of the chapters I could relate to either today or in remembering the past. Some - like the chapter on cleaning - I just couldn't relate to. Also, I felt that this book, while good for any mother, is probably going to be best for those who did not have a Mom's training and advice growing up or currently in their life. There were issues addressed in this book that seemed basic to me, but I also had a mother who taught me the basics of homemaking and mothering from an early age. The chapter titled All the Voices That Influence Us was probably the most encouraging for me. I frequently find myself looking for the answers from people rather than first go back to the Word of God and use man's creativity to flesh out the Word of God.

While some will enjoy this book more than others (as with any book), I highly recommend it to mothers of all ages. And for those expecting for the first time, this will help prepare you with a Biblical mindset for the reality of the desperate mom moments by giving you hope and help.

{This book was a courtesy copy for the purpose of review, but the opinion expressed is my own.}

[Amber Almanzar · Rating 2 out of 5]

I want to start with positives. This book was excellent in portraying the importance of Titus 2. Us young, ignorant mothers really need help, advice and encouragement from those older, wiser, and godlier women! We weren't meant to be alone. Also it did a very good job of communicating proper priorities; not letting other things distract you from your God given, primary purpose of wife and mother.
As for the negatives, I felt like this book was based on a fairly existential type foundation. There was a lot of ideas of "there is no right or wrong", or "base what you do on your feelings or personality". I found the fact that they considered spanking iffy very disconcerting. I found the fact that it was said that things like "your children should obey the first time", and "you should always submit to your husband" are lies very disturbing. There was no clarification either. It was not "you shouldn't submit to your husband if he is asking you to disobey the Bible,", so I felt that those things could be very confusing for many mothers and wives. There seemed to be a lot of "interpret the Bible through the lens of your child, your personality, your experience." These are not direct quotes just general standout ideas I got from the book.
While I do believe there is room in our lives to do things our own way, whether it's quirks in parenting or housekeeping, etc. God gave us all different personalities, skills, etc. But there still is a clear formula to raising your children. There are rules and there are the consequences to doing things differently than those rules in the Bible. I don't believe that is up for interpretation.
There was quite a bit of scripture in this book and a lot of encouragement, but even though I would say the good info outweighed or was at least even with the bad, the fact that there was a lot of contradiction to true, biblical principles was bothersome enough for me that I just couldn't give it 3 stars. If you know what you believe, and have a solid biblical foundation I believe that you can read this book and eat the meat and spit out the bones. But if your faith or understanding is a bit shaky, I think this could be incredibly detrimental.

[Gretchen Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are times when I begin reading a book and realize that if I could only keep one book on the topic, this would be it. The author isn't just speaking my language—they are speaking God’s truth right into my life. That’s the kind of book Desperate is for me.

Sarah Mae and Sally don’t provide formulas—but they explain why formulas can be a formula for failure and guilt. They encourage idealistic young moms (like I was!) that those ideals are good, but being unrealistic about ideals is unhealthy.

Desperate is practical without being prescriptive, and gets “personal” yet without an ounce of condemnation. In short, Desperate is the most grace-filled book I've ever read about parenting. I wish I could have read it before I became a mother. Yet perhaps I wouldn't have appreciated its message half so much if I hadn't read (and written) so much on parenting that was not smothered in grace.

Sarah Mae is a young mom in the thick of it, Sally became a mom in her thirties and now most of her children are grown. Sarah Mae brings the honesty of the here and now, Sally brings the wisdom of time. Each chapter is introduced with an exchange of a brief letter between Sarah Mae and Sally—the reader gets to listen in as Sarah Mae asks the question that’s on her mother heart, and Sally answers with a practical perspective. Then they trade back and forth in the chapters, and between the two, I felt like I was being wrapped in a hug with a sister on one side and a grandmother on the other.

Don’t wait until you’re desperate to read Desperate.

[Phillip Howell · Rating 4 out of 5]

One word that kept coming to mind as I read this book was...wisdom. There are lots of wise words for moms with young children. There are plenty of wise words for older moms to mentor and encourage younger mothers. As a father of young children and a pastor of many young families this book is going to be a helpful resource I will recommend to many of the young moms and dads to read together. I thought the approach of the two authors responding to each other was wise. Sarah was able to be honest about the struggles of new moms and Sally was able to be a friend and mentor. There will never be a perfect parenting book that speaks to everyone's situations. I'm sure there are many who will not relate or will struggle to apply this book to their lives. However, in my experience I have seen many more new moms that I'm confined will be able to relate. I was blessed to read this and hopefully understand what my wife is going through on a daily basis. Maybe dads should get this book. Read it first and then give it to their wives.

[Rachel Bill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved chapter 3 and it’s discussion on stubborn (out of the box) children. (Page 29) they need more time with us
Pages 22-23 always find three groups of women wherever you live: moms with kids around the same age, older women to mentor, younger went to encourage; topics I should be mentored in are found in Titus 2:3-5
Page 114: Set goals for what you want your kids to be like one day and then plan life around those goals.

[Christine Hoover · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to any mom. I love that it's a realistic picture of motherhood without pretense, but it also points to grace, hope, and that we must mother by faith. I especially loved the chapter on listening to the voice of God for direction in our families rather than listening to the countless voices that influence our choices.

[Abby Rodriguez · Rating 1 out of 5]

Love Sally Clarkson, just not a fan of her parenting books. Not even sure who Sarah Mae is, I originally started reading this book because I thought it was written by Sally’s daughter, Sarah, and herself. (And can not put a book down once I start it) Did not agree with many things said by Sarah Mae. God thinks we are perfect? Lean into that?

Love the wisdom of Sally but again, like many of her other books, she holds so wildly to the complementarian view of a household, that I have such a hard time getting behind.

Dreams and callings that the Lord puts into a woman’s heart should not be condemned and should not be assumed that those that pursue those callings are neglecting their husbands, children and home. The Lord equips those He calls and we trust that He gives us the capacity to love our husband/children/home well while pursuing those passions. Or God forbid a woman must work because they are unable to be a stay at home mother, they’re family’s finances do not allow. This is such a privileged way of thinking that feels very tone deaf. When a reader asked as a sole breadwinner of her home, will her children suffer? Sally answered her question with “our actions have consequences.” How very sad, I do not believe this to be true in the least.

[Ashly Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read a handful of parenting books and a handful of Christian women self-help-y type books and this one I think has the best of both worlds inside! Alternating passages from Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson guide any mom struggling in their season of motherhood.

Some of the ideas and thoughts presented were things I had already come across or come to understand on my own, but it was still nice to hear them from another source. I also did find a few gems to hold onto on my own motherhood and faith journey.

After each chapter are questions to ponder along with Bible verses, as well as a suggested "to do" regarding the contents of that chapter. I was not expecting those things, so I didn't fully engage with the book in that way, but I could imagine a book/church group really benefiting from discussing.

This book has a lot to think about and offers loving support to moms of any age! Definitely recommend this especially for newer moms/moms who lack support.

[Mandy Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal book for tired moms!

[Wintermote · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a very good book, but I have some serious issues with some of the theology—especially as it relates to understanding of sin, the “sinful nature” of children, and the way “training” a child is presented. I also disagree with some of the stereotypical male/female generalizations. (Not all men spell respect and appreciation S.E.X. For one example). And boys are not the only ones who need time to run and burn off energy.

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very encouraging book for moms!