Maybe He's Just an Asshole: Ditch Denial, Embrace Your Worth, and Find True Love

by Halle Kaye

In Maybe He's Just an Asshole, Halle Kaye and Sophie Stone argue that, when it comes to dating, it's time for women to stop acting like beggars and begin acting like choosers! The authors describe typical dating situations and the way women often handle them, arguing that too many of us make excuses for guys' disappointing and frustrating behavior: "He's just not ready to commit; once he's ready, everything will be great"; or "No guy is perfect so it's not a big deal"; or "The more he gets to know me, the more he'll appreciate me and treat me better." In the end, most women who repeatedly tolerate bad behavior have nothing to show for it but emotional baggage that makes it harder and harder for them to date successfully. According to Kaye and Stone, the vicious cycle ends only when a woman begins to approach dating not from a position of weakness and desperation, but from a position of strength and leverage. That fundamental shift takes place organically as a woman gets in touch with her strongest self and begins to channel her most positive, confident and empowered energy not just in her love life, but in every part of her life. Maybe He's Just an Asshole is the insightful, inspirational, and HILARIOUS manual for any woman who wants to sharpen her bullshit detector, rock her expectations, and become her strongest self. In a world where most of the dating rules seem to have been written from the perspective of the penis, it's time for women to take back the power! The reward: a better life and a better man!

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Humor

118 pages, Paperback

First published February 13, 2012

Reviews

[Laura May · Rating 1 out of 5]

Utter tripe. Here are my status updates:
Firstly, I love free books. Secondly, I'm pretty happy to review this book even though I've not yet finished, it's pretty clear where it's going. On the one hand, there are some *hilarious* one-liners in here, and I can identify with all of the 'assholes' in the book (I've a gift for finding them - as my best friend put it, "how do you even FIND these guys?!"). However the 'empowering' stuff is just complete rot, not to mention self-contradictory. If it's all about people being happy within themselves then how come the authors say "And you don't want to end up alone." What's so bad about that? Is my own company so terrible? So why do they spend the rest of the book telling me I'm awesome!
Furthermore, this book seems to constantly shift blame. Sometimes, you ARE the problem.
Overall: more funny than useful.

Then...
Outraged. This book just suggested that all women are prostitutes. ACTUAL quote:
"We know what you're wondering: Shouldn't a girl pay for a meal once in a while? Nope. Find other ways to show your gratitude: backrubs, sexy notes, and a house call from his favorite naughty nurse come to mind."
It's also constantly underestimates men: "When a guy says he was too busy to call... he probably could have called or sent a note, but chose not to."
So apparently guys don't have 'real' friends, just other guys who act as alibis for when they're cheating on you in bars:
"...the likelihood that [the guy]'s fun is limited to standing at a bar, bullshitting with his dude friends is pretty slim. Why wouldn't he hit on a hot girl?" (uh, because that's not everyone's reflex?) "After all, he doesn't think you're so wonderful. If he did, he'd take your calls." Right, because this book says that you should keep on living your life, seeing your friends without your bf etc, but if the guy wants to spend time with his friends without constantly being checked up on by his girlfriend, that makes him a dick?!?!

Continuing to rage... what a pile of tripe. If this book was supposed to be cathartic thanks to its sheer ability to incite anger at its sexism and hypocrisy, then it totally makes its mark.


Yup - not a fan.

[Laura Leaney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I vacillated wildly between laughter and disbelief. If you're a woman who has dated men then there's quite a few scenarios that will return you to what you once experienced from actual bona fide cads. Halle Kaye can be funny, and some of what I'm assuming is advice is straightforward: "Stop wondering whether he's into you" or "don't be distracted by the package" or don't date men who "shift your focus from the beauty of who you are to some sad imagined version of you that's a figment of your weaker self's fears." Good, albeit basic, advice for single women who still want to date.

Still, male assholes are probably just as common as female assholes, (sorry for the language), and I think the book needs balance.

[Cinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

So funny and right on. Stop trying to figure him out get inside his head and save him. Maybe.. He IS just an asshole!!

[Angela O · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I recommend to late teen/ twenties who aren't afraid of tongue in cheek tough love answers will make ya think!

[Dawn L. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing I haven't heard (read) before

It's a decent and quick read. There's a lot of sound and straightforward advice. Women should seek to be their strongest selves in relationships of all kinds.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and informative

This book was Informative and funny and made awkward topics not so awkward. I Would definitely recommend to my friends.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

My friend recommended this book and lent it to me. She described it as funny and like having an older sister give you advice and pep talks, which is an on-the-nose description. This was a really quick enjoyable enough read. My confidence is high enough that I couldn't see myself in the imaginary situations described with the guys who scored really high on the asshole-meter, but I could relate a bit to the ones with the guys who rated more like 5 or 6s on the asshole-meter where they were maybe assholes. The excuses and reasoning you come up with for the maybe assholes were def things I could or have pictured myself thinking bc I've always thought relationships take a bit of work and allowances on both parts and also I've thought hey occasionally perhaps I might come off as a maybe asshole when I don't consider myself one so I want to give the benefit of the doubt. I think the book does say hey for the maybes, get down to the root of things like maybe they do deserve the benefit of the doubt but if it's a continual thing punt which is probably advice I should follow bc I def stay in relationships too long.

The book covers a broad range of various asshole types so think pretty much everything's covered haha. Also hopefully there aren't that many definite assholes in the world. I personally don't think I know anyone who would fall in the category of definite asshole but then again I 1.) prolly wouldn't be friends with anyone like that and 2.) have done limited dating bc I've had very long-term relationships. (Well actually maybe I know one guy like that but I'm no longer friends with him haha.) Hopefully this doesn't give women who read this a negative view of guys in general but ideally it'll connect with someone who is dating an asshole and get her to move on.

[Shadira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book from the beginning to the end, it was witty, honest and real.
as a woman that have dated assholes I could relate to some the stuff that was written,it was light and easy to reads .

and my closing line and fav Maybe He's Just an Asshole: Sharpen Your Bullshit Detector, Rock Your Expectations, and Become Your Strongest Self!
“And if you’re single, get ready to mingle! Hopefully, we’ve helped to remind you that there’s a standard by which a woman should be treated. And when you have clarity around how men should behave with you, dating becomes far less complicated and way more fun. Because you’re good at weeding out the assholes, the amazing guys that do exist become much easier to see. So get out there and find yourself a good man. That’s why we wrote a book about assholes: To help you live a life free of them!”

[Cori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although it was witty and had some good insights, I liked the part about your strongest self, some of the cases of a man being an asshole were just not true. And too much of the blame seemed to be placed on the man. The last time I checked a relationship with others places some of the blame on the other person. There are of course exceptions to this rule (read as abuse) but I am not about to say that a man is an asshole because he wants to go out with his friends for a few hours without having to text me. Our society is changing but people need there space. And this book pushes too much blame on others and not enough at looking at yourself. Funny but definitely not a self help book.

[Kat · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm honestly not sure why I bought this book; I think it had something to do with the intersection of a bad date and several drinks. Parts of it were good reminders not to look the other way when someone treats you badly. Parts of it were shockingly offensive - like the insistence that women never, ever pay the check. And I've developed a tic that comes out whenever I see or hear the words "your strongest self." Oh, no. There it is again.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I grabbed it for free and I picked it up thinking that the name was funny and maybe I could laugh a little bit. It was not a bad book, but it was not like I expected it to be. It presents situations which I thought were going to be funnier and it also got kind of repetitive with the "your stronger self knows this...your stronger self knows that.."

But it's a short book and nice to read I guess...with a cup of coffee and a broken heart haha

[A.L. Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I usually don't read books like this or on this subject and the title is rather jarring, but in general I felt it had good points. I couldn't see myself in more than one of the fictionalized accounts. The book gets this rating from the advice. It's common sense, but it's also hilarious and was written in a fun way.

[Alyssa Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and Brutal

loved this book! it was a quick read and very engaging. it was refreshing to read about these common relationship scenarios from what came across as an honest girlfriend type voice. recommended and gifted to several friends!

[Ganelle Carriere · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not sure why some of the reviews for this book are so low I really enjoyed reading this book. I could relate to a lot of the situations in the book and things the authors were describing. I'd recommend this book to single ladies trying to make sense of things out here in the dating world.

[Chrystal Mahan · Rating 2 out of 5]

fun, quick, silly

We should all know by now when to stay and when to go. But, it case you don't, let Halle spell it out for you with her bullshit meter. If anything you will have a good laugh.

[Kori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guess what? He IS an asshole, but, if you sought out this book, chances are you already knew that. There's nothing in here you haven't read or heard before, but the delivery is pretty funny. An entertaining little tough love gem.

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting writing. Love how candid she is in her writing.

Mostly this was just a repeat of previous books I've read, but I loved how candid she is and emphasizes to listen to our stronger inner voice.

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

decent read. passing it onto my daughters

[A Foxtrotter Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gosh, I saw so many guys I know in this book!

[cosmic · Rating 4 out of 5]

It gives quite the confidence boost. Reminds me of the movie "He's just not that into you".

[Joanna Scaparotti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious, but maybe not the best self help book out there.

[Ida · Rating 1 out of 5]

oh dear. the mos birding book of all this kind books.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book hilarious. I loved the parts where they described the jerks.

[Gabrielle Zdep · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty and wise, but not always as well-written as it could have been. Actually made the "your/you're" mistake here and there and you know what...that's a dealbreaker for me.

[Mary Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, insightful. Like girlfriends telling you straight-out what you need to hear. And the Asshole Meter is fabulously fun.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely what I needed to read. Not taking it as gospel but there are a lot of thugs guys do that girls will put up with and for what?

[Mauro Corso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very fun read, I really enjoyed it

[E · Rating 1 out of 5]

Maybe this book just sucks. Actually, no maybes. It sucks.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, funny book. Good beach read for someone who was just dumped.

[Sajai · Rating 2 out of 5]

limited in many ways, but entertaining