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Why Can't We Talk?: Christian Wisdom on Dialogue as a Habit of the Heart
Learn How to Contribute More Effectively and Compassionately to
the Conversations that Shape Your Life "Anything could happen when we start to talk. Nothing will happen if we don't. That alone makes the way of dialogue a journey worth taking."
―from the Epilogue Think of an issue that makes your blood boil. Now imagine lunch with a friend who is just as passionate about it―on the other side. How can the two of you even broach the issue, let alone hear each other with curiosity and compassion? The answer begins long before the lunch does, by learning to engage dialogue as a habit of the heart―an inner transformation that the ancient practices of Christian spirituality can address. This highly readable and timely guide to restoring dialogue shows you how to cultivate this transformation while preparing you to approach your adversaries with curiosity, civility and compassion. With dialogue expert John Backman leading the way, you
the Conversations that Shape Your Life "Anything could happen when we start to talk. Nothing will happen if we don't. That alone makes the way of dialogue a journey worth taking."
―from the Epilogue Think of an issue that makes your blood boil. Now imagine lunch with a friend who is just as passionate about it―on the other side. How can the two of you even broach the issue, let alone hear each other with curiosity and compassion? The answer begins long before the lunch does, by learning to engage dialogue as a habit of the heart―an inner transformation that the ancient practices of Christian spirituality can address. This highly readable and timely guide to restoring dialogue shows you how to cultivate this transformation while preparing you to approach your adversaries with curiosity, civility and compassion. With dialogue expert John Backman leading the way, you
- GenresNonfictionChristian
176 pages, Paperback
First published October 12, 2012
3 people are currently reading
32 people want to read
About the author
John Backman
1 book2 followersA spiritual director, contributor to Huffington Post Religion, and associate of an Episcopal monastery, John Backman writes and speaks about contemplative spirituality and its surprising relevance for today’s deepest issues. He authored
Why Can’t We Talk? Christian Wisdom on Dialogue as a Habit of the Heart
(SkyLight Paths) and his articles have appeared in numerous faith-based publications. He has presented at a range of conferences, including the Parliament of the World’s Religions.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 19, 2013
It’s a book that changes the way we engage with one another – particularly in the places where we vehemently disagree.
Instead of approaching dialogue as a means to an end (agreement on an issue, a changed viewpoint, or even common ground), John explores it as a spiritual practice. Dialogue becomes a way to love and value one another. A way to do the long, hard work of peacemaking that Jesus calls us into.
Rather than focusing on techniques for “productive” dialogue, John focuses on our hearts. He reminds us that we are not defined by our opinions or perspectives, but rather by our “identity as image bearers of God.” And that when we remember this about ourselves, it’s easier to see that it’s true of others – even those who most frustrate and confound us.
In his book, John advocates for being careful with our language, for persisting with people we find difficult, for choosing to suspend judgment and instead ask questions like “what if?” He redefines humility and honors the statement, “I don’t know.”
And it gave me hope, reading this book. We can choose not to give up on each other. We can choose love over anger, and we can keep talking, keep working it out. These schisms that we’ve created don’t have to be the last word on the subject. Love can be the last word.
Because, really, when it comes down to it, Christianity is not really about knowing all the right things. It’s not about winning a debate. It’s not up to us to convince anyone of anything. Our real work is to come again and again to the Love of God. To let that love flow through us into this broken world.
Instead of approaching dialogue as a means to an end (agreement on an issue, a changed viewpoint, or even common ground), John explores it as a spiritual practice. Dialogue becomes a way to love and value one another. A way to do the long, hard work of peacemaking that Jesus calls us into.
Rather than focusing on techniques for “productive” dialogue, John focuses on our hearts. He reminds us that we are not defined by our opinions or perspectives, but rather by our “identity as image bearers of God.” And that when we remember this about ourselves, it’s easier to see that it’s true of others – even those who most frustrate and confound us.
In his book, John advocates for being careful with our language, for persisting with people we find difficult, for choosing to suspend judgment and instead ask questions like “what if?” He redefines humility and honors the statement, “I don’t know.”
And it gave me hope, reading this book. We can choose not to give up on each other. We can choose love over anger, and we can keep talking, keep working it out. These schisms that we’ve created don’t have to be the last word on the subject. Love can be the last word.
Because, really, when it comes down to it, Christianity is not really about knowing all the right things. It’s not about winning a debate. It’s not up to us to convince anyone of anything. Our real work is to come again and again to the Love of God. To let that love flow through us into this broken world.
June 27, 2019
It’s pretty boring in my personal opinion. There are better books written on this topic.
March 22, 2013
This is a very accessible book about the importance of engaging in true dialogue. The author, who I got to meet on a book tour in Taunton, provides useful tips for ending the poisonous debate and entrenchment that has gripped our political and social conversations. I was inspired to look at my own speech and make a better effort to understand others rather than insist that they understand me.
February 20, 2015
Great insights on how to engage more graciously, lovingly, and openly with others, especially when you disagree with them.
June 28, 2018
Strong exposition of the value of dialogue and how to cultivate it. Informative. Insightful. Inspiring.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews