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Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough
We Are Enough: Engaging with the World from a Place of Worthiness
Course objectives:
Summarize the differences and similarities between the experience of shame for men and women
• Define guilt vs. shame—why one is a useful force for growth, while the other keeps us small
• Discuss the four elements of shame resilience—identifying our triggers, practicing critical awareness, sharing our story, and speaking honestly about shame
• Discuss empathy as the primary antidote to shame
What does it take to be secure in our sense of belonging and self-worth? We may hustle to attain this security through achievements, meeting expectations, or repeating affirmations to ourselves—but Dr. Brené Brown's research has shown there is ultimately one obstacle to our sense of worthiness. "Shame is the barrier," she teaches, "and building shame resilience is how we overcome it." With Men, Women, and Worthiness, Dr. Brown draws upon more than 12 years of investigation to reveal how we can disarm the influence of shame to cultivate a life of greater courage, joy, and love. In this rich and heartfelt examination of this pivotal element of happiness, she invites you to explore:
The differences and similarities between the experience of shame for men and women
• Guilt vs. shame—why one is a useful force for growth, while the other keeps us small
• The four elements of shame resilience—identifying our triggers, practicing critical awareness, sharing our story, and speaking honestly about shame
• Empathy as the primary antidote to shame
"Whether you are a man, woman, or child, every one of us has the irreducible need for love and belonging," Dr. Brown teaches. "A sense of self-worth, unhindered by the inner voices of shame, allows us to meet that need." With the warmth, candor, and humor that has made her a celebrated speaker, Brené Brown offers a road map for navigating the emotions that hold us back-so we can cultivate a life of authenticity and connection.
Course objectives:
Summarize the differences and similarities between the experience of shame for men and women
• Define guilt vs. shame—why one is a useful force for growth, while the other keeps us small
• Discuss the four elements of shame resilience—identifying our triggers, practicing critical awareness, sharing our story, and speaking honestly about shame
• Discuss empathy as the primary antidote to shame
What does it take to be secure in our sense of belonging and self-worth? We may hustle to attain this security through achievements, meeting expectations, or repeating affirmations to ourselves—but Dr. Brené Brown's research has shown there is ultimately one obstacle to our sense of worthiness. "Shame is the barrier," she teaches, "and building shame resilience is how we overcome it." With Men, Women, and Worthiness, Dr. Brown draws upon more than 12 years of investigation to reveal how we can disarm the influence of shame to cultivate a life of greater courage, joy, and love. In this rich and heartfelt examination of this pivotal element of happiness, she invites you to explore:
The differences and similarities between the experience of shame for men and women
• Guilt vs. shame—why one is a useful force for growth, while the other keeps us small
• The four elements of shame resilience—identifying our triggers, practicing critical awareness, sharing our story, and speaking honestly about shame
• Empathy as the primary antidote to shame
"Whether you are a man, woman, or child, every one of us has the irreducible need for love and belonging," Dr. Brown teaches. "A sense of self-worth, unhindered by the inner voices of shame, allows us to meet that need." With the warmth, candor, and humor that has made her a celebrated speaker, Brené Brown offers a road map for navigating the emotions that hold us back-so we can cultivate a life of authenticity and connection.
2 pages, Audio CD
First published November 15, 2012
54 people are currently reading
10385 people want to read
About the author
Brené Brown
112 books55k followersDr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds
the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She
also holds the position of visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at
Austin McCombs School of Business.
Brené has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and
empathy. She is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers and is the host of two
award-winning podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.
Brené’s books have been translated into more than 30 languages, and her titles
include Atlas of the Heart, Dare to Lead, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong,
Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. With Tarana Burke, she co-edited the
bestselling anthology You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and
the Black Experience.
Brené’s TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most-viewed TED
talks in the world, with over 60 million views. She spends most of her time working in
organizations around the world, helping develop braver leaders and more courageous
cultures. In 2024, she was named as the executive director of The Center for Daring
Leadership at BetterUp.
She lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve. They have two children, Ellen and
Charlie, and a weird Bichon named Lucy.
the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She
also holds the position of visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at
Austin McCombs School of Business.
Brené has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and
empathy. She is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers and is the host of two
award-winning podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.
Brené’s books have been translated into more than 30 languages, and her titles
include Atlas of the Heart, Dare to Lead, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong,
Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. With Tarana Burke, she co-edited the
bestselling anthology You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and
the Black Experience.
Brené’s TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most-viewed TED
talks in the world, with over 60 million views. She spends most of her time working in
organizations around the world, helping develop braver leaders and more courageous
cultures. In 2024, she was named as the executive director of The Center for Daring
Leadership at BetterUp.
She lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve. They have two children, Ellen and
Charlie, and a weird Bichon named Lucy.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 278 reviews
December 17, 2020
This audio book has been integral in my ability to wean off anti-depressants and really allow myself to experience shame and all the uncomfortable emotions that come along with it. I'm not saying that everyone on antidepressants takes them to mask uncomfortable emotions, but I was. Never feeling like I was good enough at being a wife, a mom, a worker, a house cleaner, etc. is just a symptom of shame of womanhood. I am teaching myself to recognize my shame triggers and realize that I am enough. Just the way I am. Her candid way of explaining shame for men and women had also allowed me more compassion and empathy for my husband. I literally have felt more joy in the last two weeks since my knowledge of shame and empathy have increased. She touches on the basis of human relationships and I will be forever grateful for what I have learned.
August 21, 2014
The audible book is highly recommended. Powerful motivating genuine. The story of how she started researching men gave me goosebumps. I am in recovery and we tend to think normies don't deal with the same issues I am wrong. Everyone has shame it might be different from one person to the next. I always called my shame the guilty mommy voice the moment you become a mother it starts to nag and harp that your never good enough. It is one of my shame gremlins. I also realized that the shame gremlin I most often feed into is the one that keeps me in isolation and I now can name it and see it for what it really is. This was truly a gift advised by my therapist.
If you have ever wondered why your reaction to certain things in your life do not match the person you want to be then listen to this book I advise anyone to listen to her if at all possible.
If you have ever wondered why your reaction to certain things in your life do not match the person you want to be then listen to this book I advise anyone to listen to her if at all possible.
March 31, 2017
Great follow-up to The Gifts of Imperfection and perfect to listen to in the car. The whole thing is about 2 and a half hours. The main topic was Shame, Gender differences (which I found the most interesting) and Shame Resilience.
The discussion about Men and Shame was new to me and fascinating. I felt deep empathy for what men have to go through and what expectations are placed on men by other men and women.
This is excellent and worth listening to multiple times. Also, unlike my version of "Gifts", this one was read by the author and she is a wonderful speaker/reader.
The discussion about Men and Shame was new to me and fascinating. I felt deep empathy for what men have to go through and what expectations are placed on men by other men and women.
This is excellent and worth listening to multiple times. Also, unlike my version of "Gifts", this one was read by the author and she is a wonderful speaker/reader.
January 29, 2014
One of the best things I've read. Deeply impacted by this book. I learned so much about the experience of shame and am so grateful for her take on male shame.
January 19, 2018
I LOVED this audiobook. Highly recommended for everyone. I am learning a lot about who I want to be and how I want to treat others from Brene's research and her personal examples of how this looks in her life. This is a life changing book for me.
Here are my notes: Some of them are quotes from Brene or close to quotes, as I use the voice to text feature on my phone sometimes to capture ideas.
Perfection doesn't exist and the pursuit of it is exhausting and moves us away from being ourselves.
In our society, men/boys are shamed if they display or feel fear. We expect them to project confidence and we are disgusted when they are vulnerable.
The biggest barrier to belonging is fitting in and belonging is essential to our well being because it was originally essential for survival. We need to belong.
Practicing love is more critical to our relationships than professing it.
True belonging only happens when you present your authentic self to the world instead of making yourself fit in.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
In a relationship you can't expect your husband to empathize with your vulnerability while expecting him to stay on his white horse and not show any vulnerability. For a healthy relationship you need to sit with your husband and let him be vulnerable. Don't be the patriarchy expecting men not to be vulnerable. Masculinity is like a box that men and boys are shoved into. It's a box of learned behaviors that society expects from them and it's extremely limiting. They aren't allowed to be themselves.
Belonging is essential to us and shame prevents us from feeling worthy and feeling like we belong. The fear that we don't belong or will do something wrong is shame. The reason this is essential is because we are emotionally, cognitively, biologically, for many of us spiritually, hardwired for connection. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Shame is the belief that we are unworthy of connection or the fear of disconnection.
Love and belonging are irreducible needs of men women and children. Where there's not love and belonging there is suffering. In the way of belonging is shame.
Guilt is a very powerful emotion. It's very useful. It's when you hold who you are or what you've done up against who you want to be.
What makes shame grow exponentially is secrecy, silence and judgment.
The greatest barriers to empathy are the need to make everything better and fear of saying the wrong thing.
Empathy is how we stop shame. Telling someone I've been there too; I get you.
When someone is going through something really tough like the death of a loved one there's nothing you can do to make it better. All you can do is be with them in that space.
Empathy is perspective taking, becoming the learner not the teacher. Where are you, what are you in? It is crucial to wihthold judgment. Communicate what you think you're seeing and those emotions and let them know you're willing to feel and be with them.
Four elements of shame resilience: 1. Recognizing shame and understanding our triggers. 2. Practicing critical awareness. 3. Reaching out. 4. Calling shame shame.
Wholeheartedness is saying I am worthy of love and belonging .
Here are my notes: Some of them are quotes from Brene or close to quotes, as I use the voice to text feature on my phone sometimes to capture ideas.
Perfection doesn't exist and the pursuit of it is exhausting and moves us away from being ourselves.
In our society, men/boys are shamed if they display or feel fear. We expect them to project confidence and we are disgusted when they are vulnerable.
The biggest barrier to belonging is fitting in and belonging is essential to our well being because it was originally essential for survival. We need to belong.
Practicing love is more critical to our relationships than professing it.
True belonging only happens when you present your authentic self to the world instead of making yourself fit in.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
In a relationship you can't expect your husband to empathize with your vulnerability while expecting him to stay on his white horse and not show any vulnerability. For a healthy relationship you need to sit with your husband and let him be vulnerable. Don't be the patriarchy expecting men not to be vulnerable. Masculinity is like a box that men and boys are shoved into. It's a box of learned behaviors that society expects from them and it's extremely limiting. They aren't allowed to be themselves.
Belonging is essential to us and shame prevents us from feeling worthy and feeling like we belong. The fear that we don't belong or will do something wrong is shame. The reason this is essential is because we are emotionally, cognitively, biologically, for many of us spiritually, hardwired for connection. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Shame is the belief that we are unworthy of connection or the fear of disconnection.
Love and belonging are irreducible needs of men women and children. Where there's not love and belonging there is suffering. In the way of belonging is shame.
Guilt is a very powerful emotion. It's very useful. It's when you hold who you are or what you've done up against who you want to be.
What makes shame grow exponentially is secrecy, silence and judgment.
The greatest barriers to empathy are the need to make everything better and fear of saying the wrong thing.
Empathy is how we stop shame. Telling someone I've been there too; I get you.
When someone is going through something really tough like the death of a loved one there's nothing you can do to make it better. All you can do is be with them in that space.
Empathy is perspective taking, becoming the learner not the teacher. Where are you, what are you in? It is crucial to wihthold judgment. Communicate what you think you're seeing and those emotions and let them know you're willing to feel and be with them.
Four elements of shame resilience: 1. Recognizing shame and understanding our triggers. 2. Practicing critical awareness. 3. Reaching out. 4. Calling shame shame.
Wholeheartedness is saying I am worthy of love and belonging .
March 13, 2018
Short, but excellent. Brene Brown is an energetic speaker - clearly passionate about her subject - so this "reads" better than her other audiobooks, narrated by random readers. Her discussion of gender expectations, and their role in the way shame impacts us as humans, was both effective and non-essentializing, which I very much appreciated. I struggle, fairly intensely, when psychologists (or anyone) talk about the experiences of men and women as though that were simply the way it is - the innate truth of what it means to be a man or a woman in the world. OF COURSE gender expectations impact our sense of worthiness as human beings - and, as such, our actions, emotions, etc. - but that does not make those expectations valid. Does not mean they reflect some essential truth about our identities as women or as men. Moving forward means recognizing the expectations placed upon us, but ultimately refusing to be limited by them.
December 15, 2013
I've found that there's a lot of content that overlaps in Brené's books/talks/programs, but there seem to always be gems that stick out with each one that I experience. What resonated with me during this talk was about how to empathize with somebody. There are many other things that she delves into more in depth here than in her other works, so it's a good follow-up to those.
July 29, 2014
Gave me much to think about. It's more of a lecture/talk than a book, and it's Brown who delivers it. I kind of want to listen again to pick up on the things I might have missed while I ruminated over other things.
I'd recommend this to anyone who is interested in feminist thought that challenges our restrictive definitions of manhood and how those definitions hurt both men and women.
I'd recommend this to anyone who is interested in feminist thought that challenges our restrictive definitions of manhood and how those definitions hurt both men and women.
January 2, 2016
Ms Brown is a good story teller and very much a straight talker. This book exposes shame that hides inside all of us just waiting to rear its ugly head when circumstances deem fit and as She explains we must talk about it in order to be free of it. The more we hide it, deny it, the bigger the monster grows. Still wrapping my head around this one. I used to be ashamed of being alive. That was like a life time ago and there was never a reason. I was independent, I asked a lot of questions and didn't really follow the crowd but I still lacked a strong sense of self. Maybe it was my upbringing, maybe religious or societal scrutiny & bias. Whatever the criticism or whoever the judge, I believed the lies and felt shame for not being perfect to anyone. Certainly I am more loving and accepting of myself than I ever was pre-40's but this book still got under my skin and helped me realize that the conversations exposing shame are really important to keep having throughout the rest of my life to bring more freedom, acceptance, vulnerability and depth of relationships.
July 18, 2015
This is more of a "speech" rather than audiobook, but dang does she pack a punch in such little time! Brene is so unbelievably at ease with her talks, and she interweaves personal anecdotes, research data, and psychology theory together into one package. Her expertise is shame research and I gravitated to her thoughts on shame vs. guilt. Highly highly recommend if you need a good solid look on your own shame and guilt complex and are looking to move forward in shame resiliency.
June 7, 2025
Great advice. One of my favorite take aways from this book is about empathy. "I don't know what to say about this, but I want to be here with you right now.". We probably don't know exactly how someone feels about what's going on, but it's just having someone to be there for you.
January 4, 2016
great quote: men react to shame either by getting pissed or shutting down. So true.
I think there were a few spots where she over-generalized about "male" culture. She painted an interesting picture of rabid men clinging to the baseball backstop screaming to their little-leaguers to hit the ball and saying "cry on the bat, see if that helps". She interviewed dozens of men to do her work and I'm sure individuals had stories of feeling bad about sports, but (I hope) even in Texas, where the author is from, that image is outrageous.
other great theme: Women want men to "open up" but when they really do, women run away screaming (another over-generalization?), so men learn to pretend to be open, knowing there is an entire rich world of screaming anger, shame and mass-shootiness that they must never, ever reveal.
I think there were a few spots where she over-generalized about "male" culture. She painted an interesting picture of rabid men clinging to the baseball backstop screaming to their little-leaguers to hit the ball and saying "cry on the bat, see if that helps". She interviewed dozens of men to do her work and I'm sure individuals had stories of feeling bad about sports, but (I hope) even in Texas, where the author is from, that image is outrageous.
other great theme: Women want men to "open up" but when they really do, women run away screaming (another over-generalization?), so men learn to pretend to be open, knowing there is an entire rich world of screaming anger, shame and mass-shootiness that they must never, ever reveal.
July 15, 2021
For years now, people have been telling me I should read Brene Brown. They've been so insistent -- so naggy -- that I found myself starting to dislike her, reasoning that she's probably just some self-help pop psychologist. Well, as is often the case, I ended up being dead wrong. Brene Brown is the real deal. Observant, insightful, deep, someone who gets what it's like to be a real person, someone who communicates like the neighbor next store but who possesses true wisdom. In this book, she explicates shame (a universal emotion that most of us don't have much awareness of), explains how it tends to manifest differently in men and women, and tells us how we can go about defanging it.
February 11, 2014
After being turned on to her original TED Talk, I've read the latter two of Brene' Brown's books and am now working my way through her former works. I've read about shame avoidance being one of the strongest motivators in school, business, time management, etc. but never gave much thought to how shame (and worthiness) might be influencing my actions, relationships, well being, etc. which is what this book delves into. This book covers a lot of the same content as the Ted Talk, but in greater detail so I highly recommend it as well as all of Brene's Brown's books.
September 13, 2016
Useful insights on how concepts of shame play out differently for masculinity vs. femininity. Better organized than Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. I would have liked for her to pay more attention to different kinds of masculinities and femininities (gay and lesbian, eg, and cultural differences), but this is a good start. Maybe she talks about them in her longer books. I liked this enough that I'll check them out and find out.
August 29, 2014
Oh Brene, how I love thee.
I'm not a huge fan of "self help" books typically, but Brene Brown's no-nonsense, researched-based work is something I both respect and get a lot out of. This audio covers a lot of the same ground as 'The Power of Vulnerability,' but if you can't get enough of what this woman has to say, it serves as a great follow-up.
I'm not a huge fan of "self help" books typically, but Brene Brown's no-nonsense, researched-based work is something I both respect and get a lot out of. This audio covers a lot of the same ground as 'The Power of Vulnerability,' but if you can't get enough of what this woman has to say, it serves as a great follow-up.
August 20, 2016
This woman gets it. Shame and guilt are two different things. Shame is about the person; guilt is about behavior. The key to silencing shame is to speak it, acknowledge it. I have a long way to go but this talk is eye opening if you want to live free.
October 24, 2016
Here's the beauty of Brene Brown for me. Every time I listen to it or read it I'm moved to be better and more authentic and kind. I liked this talk because she narrated it. It's pretty much the same material as I Thought it was just me, but a good review.
April 24, 2017
I enjoy listening to this author. She is very grounded and I love her "story" based research. Some of what she talks about in this book can also be found in her more comprehensive book, "The Power of Vulnerability", which I believe to be much more informative.
June 5, 2017
Anything by Brene is a gem, in my opinion. Content is very similar to her other books and audiobook lessons but I tend to need the repetition. I always get something new out of it and it always inspires me. Definitely worth listening to.
July 27, 2014
This was a very quick listen (2 hrs), but once again, Brene Brown impacts greatly on the truth of "being enough". I highly recommend this teaching for anyone at all. Very insightful.
November 10, 2014
Amazing. An eye-opener for men and women.
January 7, 2015
I really enjoy Brene's work. Very real and honest discussion on how men and women confront shame.
August 10, 2018
Very insightful book. I think all perfectionists need to read this book. Instant improvement in my marriage!
February 23, 2016
Extraordinary. Insightful. Helpful. I recommend it to anyone who wants to confront shame in their life.
November 30, 2022
I have listened to this at least eight times and each time I feel edified with a deeper understanding of myself and others.
February 14, 2020
One of Brene Browns shorter Audiobooks which is actually quite nice (I can play it over and over again if there is a point that I really want to hone in!) I love how she touched on both Men and Woman in this one and even shared her vulnerability in the fact that she completely neglected the needs and vulnerability of men in the beginning of her research, how each sex can have not only their own shameful voice, not only the social expectations but also how their partners can be a contributing factor of the shame. These lessons are so fundamental to all who strive to life wholeheartedly, not just for working on yourself but being compassionate and empathetic of your partner and all people in whom you interact with. There are a lot of points that she repeats from some of her other content, but i love that actually, because she relates it to so many other examples and you realise that shame is just so overbearing and can slither into your life if you are not able to be aware and conscious of how to recognise it and actively deal with it rather than letting it dictate your reactions. As I could relate a lot of what she was saying to a situation extremely close to my heart, it made me cry and feel which i have not been able to do for a while. Thank you Brene
April 21, 2020
Anytime I read a book or listen to an audiobook that I know is ultimately there to give me insights on life topics, I usually come away with a few things I learned. Then out of habit I kinda go ‘oh that was cool, next’ and then I don’t really ever think about it again.
But this one was different; very seldom do I learn or take away as much as I did from this book. I didn’t know what to expect from this one, but I thought I would give it a shot. Brène Brown delves into different types of emotion, why we feel them, and how to articulate them in our lives. She talks about guilt, shame, empathy, compassion and which ones are actually beneficial to us and which ones are not. Before reading I thought to myself ‘why do I need to know about emotions? I’m human and I have them. What’s more to know?’ There’s certainly a lot more to know! There’s varying human responses linked to emotions that I had NO IDEA even existed, which was super cool to learn. This book is highly scientific, definition oriented, and thoroughly researched. So impressed. Brène is a smartie pants
But this one was different; very seldom do I learn or take away as much as I did from this book. I didn’t know what to expect from this one, but I thought I would give it a shot. Brène Brown delves into different types of emotion, why we feel them, and how to articulate them in our lives. She talks about guilt, shame, empathy, compassion and which ones are actually beneficial to us and which ones are not. Before reading I thought to myself ‘why do I need to know about emotions? I’m human and I have them. What’s more to know?’ There’s certainly a lot more to know! There’s varying human responses linked to emotions that I had NO IDEA even existed, which was super cool to learn. This book is highly scientific, definition oriented, and thoroughly researched. So impressed. Brène is a smartie pants
October 31, 2021
Published in 2012, "Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough," by Brené Brown, is a nonfiction book focused on how gender influences personal perceptions of shame and worthiness.
This is a very short book. I listened to it as an audiobook, and there are only two CDs. I enjoyed the second CD far more than the first.
I liked "Men, Women, and Worthiness" more than Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection." They say similar things, and she repeats almost all of "The Gifts of Imperfection" in the first CD of this book. But the second CD contained some new information.
Recommended for anyone who enjoys Brown's work.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
This is a very short book. I listened to it as an audiobook, and there are only two CDs. I enjoyed the second CD far more than the first.
I liked "Men, Women, and Worthiness" more than Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection." They say similar things, and she repeats almost all of "The Gifts of Imperfection" in the first CD of this book. But the second CD contained some new information.
Recommended for anyone who enjoys Brown's work.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
January 28, 2020
"Shame corrodes the parts of us that want to be better." Whew, ma'am.
This is a quick listen and it packs a punch. If you've never read any of Brene's work before, this may be the best, most digestible place to start. If you're like me, and have read everything she's published, it's a great reminder.
My one note is that this is heavily gendered and since it's a more informal recording, I wanted even just a passing acknowledgement of people who may not fit along the binary. Still, five stars.
This is a quick listen and it packs a punch. If you've never read any of Brene's work before, this may be the best, most digestible place to start. If you're like me, and have read everything she's published, it's a great reminder.
My one note is that this is heavily gendered and since it's a more informal recording, I wanted even just a passing acknowledgement of people who may not fit along the binary. Still, five stars.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 278 reviews