Antiques Maul

A Trash 'n' Treasures Mystery #2

by Barbara Allan

As autumn splashes colour across the small Mississippi River town of Serenity, newly divorced Brandy Borne is on the brink of going crazy after her ever-impossible mother quits the local theatre group. She comes up with a brilliant idea for preserving her sanity and keeping Mother busy: open their own booth at the new antiques mall in town. But they are about to cross paths with a killer...Brandy, along with Sushi, her spoiled Shih Tzu, pays a visit to the town's Chief of Police to ask about federal auctions of confiscated goods, a little-known source of great antiques and collectibles. Her buys at her first auction in Rockford, Illinois turn out to be a success. On the other hand, her first visit from ten-year-old son Jake, who has been living with his father, turns out to be a challenge.While Halloween looms large on the horizon, things turn grim when a body is found at the antiques mall. To the cops, the case seems pretty clear cut: the victim's dog, the normally good-natured Brad Pit Bull, mauled its owner to death. But Brandy knows her canines, and this dog has definitely been framed. Brandy and Mother are soon snooping into nooks, crannies, and cubby holes while stepping on assorted toes. As All Hallow's Eve shenanigans grow increasingly frightening, true terror unmasks itself when Jacob goes missing. Is his disappearance just a childish prank? Or are sinister forces bubble-bubble-toiling trouble in Serenity?Now Brandy and her over-the-top mom are on the hunt to find Jake before a devious killer mauls again...

Genres: Mystery, Cozy Mystery, Cozy, Fiction, Halloween, Mystery Thriller, Ebooks

229 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2007

About the author

Barbara Allan is a pseudonym used by Barbara Collins and Max Allan Collins

Max Allan Collins is a writer of mystery novels, screenplays, comics and historical fiction. Collins has collaborated on numerous short stories with his wife writer Barbara Collins. Together they also write the successful “Trash ‘n’ Treasures” mysteries – their Antiques Flee Market (2008) won the Romantic Times Best Humorous Mystery Novel award in 2009.

There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Theweed74955 Wild · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I started reading, the fact that animals were talking to each other led me to believe I had inadvertently selected a children's book. But, no, it was just the inane style of the author who, for some reason, punishes the reader with cutesy writing and unbridled parenthetical expressions that test the reader's patience and resolve to finish the book. At least half of the book could be omitted without changing the story line one bit, since most of it is superfluous information that I rally had no desire to know. The author also interjects mini-lectures here and there to make sure you know what her personal views are about things. It is a good story, but poorly executed.

[Susan Webb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am enjoying this series. I can't believe I knew nothing about them!! Brandy tries to keep her mother in line, but no one controls 70+ year old Vivian. The things they get into, the things they see, it's crazy and funny and delightful.

[Elliott · Rating 3 out of 5]

y'all. I found so much about this book irritating and trivial, and yet I felt totally guilty just now hovering over a two star rating.

I am so often disappointed by seasonal cozies. there's very little Halloween about this (a brief trip to a haunted house, forgetting to get a pumpkin, a witch costume), someone else handing out Halloween candy. there's also very little mystery; basically one chapter has "Mother's" investigating, and the rest is about Brandy (the main character) taking care of her dog, trying to bond with her son (who primarily lives with his father), flirting with a cop, shopping, and pondering her and her mother's medications. I really struggled with a young character always talking about "Mother" (shades of Psycho and/or Buster Bluth) or making comments like how un-hip it is when parents try to be "hip with it," like, you're 30. I honestly would have enjoyed this more if it were entirely from "Mother's" perspective, whereas Brandy and her friends and her relationships felt flimsy. (also, what was up with all the brand name dropping? not only was it randomly tacky, but how can I believe this lady is broke if she's wearing Frye boots?)

and why did no one ever address all of Brandy's obnoxious, ignorant squawking about pit bulls? basically very few are dangerous, except when their owners suck. pit bulls that aren't trained to be aggressive are sweet -- I have a lot of friends with rescues and pit mixes and they're very defensive of their dogs, who really don't deserve this horrible image they have in the media (and Rottis are good dogs, too).

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is well written, with interesting characters and a promising mystery. It's just not my cup of tea, though: the narrator-protagonist is so much more interested in name-brand designer clothing than I am that I decided to stop reading about a third of the way through. Oh well--chacun son gout.

[Glen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vivian has quit her theater group and is driving everybody in town crazy, so Brandy concocts the scheme of opening a booth in the local antiques mall to keep her busy.

This works too well, when a murder occurs, and an innocent pit bull is accused of the crime.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series has gotten mixed reviews but I really enjoyed this cozy. It matched my checklist for a good cozy mystery, quirky characters and a solid mystery to be solved.

[Christian Bantz · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no reason a book this short should take me so long to read it except for I just didn't like it. The mystery itself is very short and unsuspenseful, and the book could easily be summed up to 75-100 pages, if that. In fact, the suspenceful part doesn't even start until 40% of the way through the book. The main character is very unrelatable and obnoxious, and acts like a 15 year old, rather than a 30 year old, especially with her obsession with name brands, talking animals, and sexual desire for almost every guy she comes into contact with. The worst issue with the book; however, is the "cutsey" puns and parenthetical information that was displayed 3-5 times on *every* page, especially with the *two* advertisements for the rest of the series dropped right into the text. For the most part, I only read the book for the mother who is hilarious. Unfortunately, there was only one chapter written from her point of view, and it sounded too much like Brandy to be believeable.

This could have been a good book if it was written for teenagers, similar to a Nancy Drew story. If Brandy was 15, and her son was her brother then it would be more understandable that she's obsessed with clothes and boys, and that the plot was so simple. As it is, I really didn't care for it.

[Jan · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's my own fault. I wanted something fluffy and fun - like M.C. Beaton, or Janet Evanovich. This book was billed as "one of the funniest cozy series going."

ARRRGGHH!!

"Dressed in a brown Juicy Couture hoodie and Blue Cult jeans, orange Puma running shoes, my honey-blond hair in a ponytail, I leaned on my rake, inhaling deeply."

Oh. My. God. The endless, mind-numbing vapidity.

The main character - named Brandy is supposed to be 30. But she talks, thinks, and acts like she is in the 7th grade. She even has a rhinestone-studded leopard dog-carrying bag (which used to have pink balboa feathers.)

There are even commercials! "(which is another story) (available at your favorite bookseller's)"

My advice? Go watch paint dry. It's more interesting.

[Cozybooklady · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this series, it always keeps me laughing.
There is no better sleuthing team than the Borne ladies. Brandy and Vivian will keep you on the edge of your seats, Sushi is an adorable character as well.

[Ali · Rating 2 out of 5]

So...many...parentheses.

And the brand-name dropping. Lord, the brand-name dropping.

I'm surprised I finished it and even more shocked that I'm a little curious about the rest of the series.

[Jae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recently divorced, Brandy has moved back home with her mother, Vivian. Mother is eccentric and over the top, and when she quits the local theater in a huff, Brandy is anxious to find another outlet for Mother's energy. To that end, she convinces her to rent a booth at the newly opened antiques mall in Serenity. In the meantime, Brandy's son, Jake, has come to stay with her for a week. He is fascinated by the cigar store Indian that Brandy and her Mother have for sale. When Brandy and Vivian go to the mall early one morning they find the owner dead--an apparent victim of her own dog, Brad Pit Bull. Vivian is convinced the dog is scared of his own shadow and wouldn't harm a fly, much less his owner. The local police don't seem keen to delve into the matter any further, at least not until someone kidnaps Jake. Brandy is desperate to get her son back, but she's also in Mama Bear mode, and no one is going to escape her wrath.

The story was mostly lighthearted fun. Brandy's wry observations and biting wit were hilarious, as were Mother's antics. The backstory strayed from the typical cookie cutter cozy mystery in that Brandy's marriage ended because she cheated. She's also battling mental health issues with the help of a therapist and Prozac. As for the sleuthing, there really wasn't any. Mother was asking questions, but since virtually the entire book was in Brandy's pov (save for one chapter in Vivian's pov), the reader isn't privy to that. Although things were resolved at the end, I felt a tad blindsided since no investigating had been going on to lead me to the same conclusion the authors wrote. There was also the disconcerting matter of the prologue skipping ahead in time, to when Brandy and Vivian discovered the body. It felt like a spoiler.

The story was somewhat odd, but I appreciated its uniqueness in the genre. Four stars.

[Juliann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved every page of Antiques Maul by Barbara Allen. This cozy mystery features Brandy Borne and her mother Vivian who investigate the murder of the owner of the local antique's mall. This mystery is cleverly written in the first person perspective of Brandy and a chapter written in first person by her mother Vivian... there are random comments and anecdotes directed straight to the reader which I found amusing. Brandy's character is feisty and sarcastic and high strung as a newly divorced mother living with her mother... she is totally relatable in her struggles to help raise her son and care for her mom while trying to keep her life in check... and admits meds do help... Vivian, the epitome of "Drama Queen" adds to the entertainment of this mystery with her dramatic and funny references to the theater, films, and television. The plot centers around buying and selling antiques and collectibles and of course there is a murder at the local antiques mall where Brandy rents a booth for her mom to help her get her mind of the theater. The main suspect happens to be a dog named Brad Pit Bull which Vivian realizes is not the killer so the suspense and thrills begin... Serenity is the name of the town and Halloween, haunted houses, witches and a terrifying Jason costume, adds to the fun of this mystery. This book reads very quickly and if you enjoy a bit of goofiness, this if for you! I look forward to the other books in this series!

[Ed · Rating 4 out of 5]

#2 in the Trash n' Treasures mystery series. This 2007 entry from author Allan (couple Max Allan & Barbara Collins) is a fun read. The mystery isn't as important as the characters, Brandy Borne, her mother, sister, son, -ex, Officer Lawson, and the ROMEOs (Retired Old Men Eating Out) - an acronym also found in Ellen Crosby's Wine Country mysteries. In an Afterword, the author admits to getting settled in to the series. It is somewhat uneven, but the hilarious one-liners and wacky situations make it a worthwhile read.

Recent divorcee Brandy Borne has her hands full with her aging, scatterbrained mother, Vivian, who has just announced her retirement from local theater. To keep Vivian busy and generate some cash, Brandy suggests they open a stall in the new antiques mall in their small Midwestern town of Serenity. Then the two women find a retired schoolteacher dead at the mall, apparently killed by her pit bull. Vivian insists the woman was murdered, but the official investigation comes up empty.

[Therese · Rating 2 out of 5]

Since Barbara Allan is actually two people, a husband and wife team, you would think that one of them would clue in to how inane and annoying half of this book was. I was looking for a nice cozy mystery, and while there is one in the background, it really isn’t front and center.

Brandy Borne has moved back home with her mother, Vivian, after a divorce, and in the meantime she decides to help her mother stay busy by getting her interested in antiques and opening up a small place in the new antiques mall. A day after opening, the owner, Mrs. Norton, is found dead, presumably mauled by her pit bull but Vivian isn’t buying that theory.

As I said before, there is a mystery that needs solving, but the narrator, Brandy, goes off on so many tangents and digresses all over the place that half of this book could have been left out, including all the cutesy wisecracks. At least this was free and didn’t take much of my time, but I won’t be reading anything else by this author, by either of them.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is book 2 in the Trash 'n Treasures Mystery series.
Brandy is trying to keep her mother occupied since she was overlooked by the local theatre as their new director. Beatrice Wiley, a relative newcomer to town was chosen.
Brandy and her mother Vivian decide to sell antiques in the local mall which recently opened by the retired math teacher Mrs. Norton. The meet Mrs. Norton and her dog Brad the pit bull who she uses as a security system due to his excessive barking at night.
One of the items Vivian possesses is a wooden Cigar ad Indian given to her by her one-time friend Beatrice. The rest of the antiques were purchased at an auction that Vivian used some of her theatrical voices to discourage other bidders.
Clever dialogue and funny scenes make this one of my favorite writers.

[Ronda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some part of me is ready to give this one a 4, because I just frankly enjoyed the he'll out of the quirky characters and outrageous things that happen to these nuts. Part of me was ready to give it a 2 because of copy editing issues and the fact that I had a hard time buying into Jake's character as a 10-year-old and his relationship with his mom. In the end, I had to split the difference. I need to remember next time to read the thanks at the end 1st. For some reason, it helps set the tone for me and would likely have made me read with a less critical eye. All that said, as a fan of Nero Wolfe mysteries (though many, many years ago), I enjoyed the nostalgia this story and those references brought to me. I suspect I will be revisiting Serenity at least once more.

[Jacquelyn Fusco]

I read about 1/2 way through and some of it was good.
However: 1. her tolerance of her mother's ignorant unintentional racism toward Native Americans
2. her saving money tips, shopping spree tips, and antique tips were too many tips
3. her crush on a copy doesn't jibe with my anti-mass incarceration (hazard of reading murder mysteries)
4. Despite her character pointing out the racism of the tobacco store Indian statue, she also makes racist jokes calling him Wampum etc.

It's hard to find a decent cozy mystery that doesn't make me cringe or gag.
I kind of liked Truman's Murder in the Library of Congress.

[Theresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read by this author, but with this one I got two thirds of the way through it and jumped ahead to find out who the murderer was. I'd had enough. Enough of the incessant fat shaming!
The storytelling is good and the characters are entertaining, but OMG, their bashing of overweight characters is appalling! I noticed it in the first book, but it seemed much worse in this one.

Another negative for me was noted by another reviewer here. That is, the too frequent mentions of designer clothes and accessories. I suppose that has some appeal to those who give a hoot about such things, but it gets old and adds nothing to the story.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mother and daughter decided to rent a spot in a antique mall to earn some money and occupy their time. There was an old wooden Indian statue that a friend had given her Mother. They debated to sell it in case the lady may want it back. The first day at the mall there was a tragedy. The owner was found dead. Her pit bull Brad Pitt was blamed -but he didn't really do it. Now this mom and her daughter were kinda weird in a way. They stuck their noses in the wrong places at times. The book also give little tips about yard sales and such to get a better deal for your money.

[Linda Branich · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh my goodness, this book had a great plot idea that was ruined by poor writing and editing! The owner of a new Antiques Mall in town is murdered, and the murder is pinned on her pet pit bull. Two co-owners of a booth in the antiques mall, a woman and her Mom, are not convinced that the pit bull is guilty.

What ruined this book? Trite comments. dozens and dozens and dozens of parentheses. Rather than enhancing the story, the huge number of parentheses detracted from it. Especially annoying were the number of parentheses that made me feel the authors thought their readers were so stupid that they needed explanations via parentheses that were unnecessary and things that the readers could figure out on their own.

Considering the fact that two people collaborated on this book, surely one or the other, or their editor would have stricken most of them.

A very generous 2 stars, and that was only because there were a few clever things that piqued my interest enough to go ahead and finish, always hoping for an improvement in the writing.

[Debby · Rating 3 out of 5]

First read in this series. I have to get used to the format. Throwing in a chapter written by Mother threw my off a little bit. I didn't know who the killer was so that was a good point. The story progressed a good pace. The murder occurred early and that is always a plus in my point of view. Not a bad story at all. I chose it because of my Halloween them for October reading. I will read another.

[Doreena · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried. I really did. I just couldn't do it, and I love cozy mysteries! I just couldn't deal with total, distracting eccentricity. There is too much going on to see the story here. Then there's the mentions of previous books with (available at your local/favorite bookseller) , was I reading an advertisement for other books???? Not a favorite. Sorry.

[Karel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dogs and Antiques

This is a fun cozy mystery. Very easy to read. The characters are funny and very interesting. This takes place in a small town so there is a bit of backstabbing going on. It is also a bit heartwarming as the divorced parents start to work together in order to save their son and the son learns to appreciate his mother more!

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun fast read

There was a lot of build up to the story before we find out that there will be a murder that is told to us till we are well into the story. Then there is a pit bull who gets blamed for the murder but it soon changes. Too much detail to fashion and not enough to the characters, they could have been a little bit better.

[Thrifty Geek · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to check this book cause it said it was funny, which it did have some funny. We have a cast of quirky characters which made for an interesting read once I got into it.
The murder is hinted at in the beginning of chapter one, then it's 97 pages of back story to get back to the murder. Then it seemed to move too quick to the reveal.

[Dorise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is not my genre…I rarely pick up a mystery but this one caught my eye because I love antique malls and I love Halloween, and it’s good to try new things right? I found it surprisingly amusing and entertaining, with the mauling not happening until quite far into the book. That said, by the end I was craving a book with more substance, like needing a healthy salad after eating too much candy.

[Bonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice little cosy. The author(s) try a little too hard to make the main characters eccentric but it is a good time. Brandy and her crazy mother decide to open an antique booth in the local antique mall. Too bad they find a body laying right in front one morning. Was it the pit bull or a murderer? Keep reading.

[Joy Gerbode · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I don't love the length of the background information and story that has nothing to do with the mystery, I do love the wacky characters, and the zany situations are always fun, and keep me reading.

[Mary Corso · Rating 4 out of 5]

May want to read these books in order

While author is usually pretty good about giving away no details, reading books out of order leads to a big story spoiler. . . Anyway this story was good enough to keep me reading way later than I should be.

[Sherri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Number two in the series

Crazy mom and blind dog don’t stop this mad cap story from unfolding. Brandy and her mom sent up a booth at an antique mall and meet crazy characters, like a dog named Brad Pit bull