The Little Girl in the Radiator: Mum, Alzheimer's and Me

by Martin Slevin

A touching tale of love, loss and family, The Little Girl in the Radiator is the story of a man's struggle to care for his mother after her diagnosis with Alzheimer's. Moving back home to care for her, one question plagues Martin - who is the little girl in the radiator who his mum has conversations with?

Winner of The British Medical Association Book of the Year 2013 (Chairman's Choice)

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

236 pages, Paperback

First published August 20, 2010

Reviews

[John Naylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book for free via Goodreads First Reads.

This is not going to be an easy review for me to write. For a start I have just finished the book and I have not fully stopped crying yet. A close relative of mine appears to be in the early stages of dementia and this book struck so many chords with me it could be a symphony. My reviews are always personal to me but this one will be more than most.

It is one of the most honest, funny and heartbreaking reads I have read in a long time. Rose (the mother of the author) is a lot like my great-grandmother ended up and how another relative might end up. It has laugh out loud moments and parts where lumps appear in your throat and do not go away for a long time.

I would recommend this book.
I normally say to what sort of person or group I would recommend a book to but in this case I just recommend it. Read it if you have the chance.

Thank you to the author for his words. I felt for his loss but hope there is some reassurance in knowing his words will help others.

[Ralph Britton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is both a very funny book and one that tries to get across the horror of watching a close relative losing much of what made them an individual. Martin Slevin charts his mother's dementia as he moves from ignorance through denial to a deep understanding. For anyone who has done the same his story is familiar - sadly many of us will have to face something similar, either as sufferer or carer. Martin's battle to get his mother proper care, the ghastly home into which he was first forced to put her and his feelings of exasperation, anger and guilt will ring a bell with many. He wants to alert us to a growing problem which our society is reluctant to face and I can't think of a more engaging way of doing so. I have experienced something similar, though not quite so distressing as his case; I could not put the book down until I had finished it.

[Bryony Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very touching, emotional (and sometimes quite comical). I would definitely recommend this book.

[Jude Slonchka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart warming book on Alzheimer Disease

This heart warming book on Alzheimer Disease touches the heart with tears and laughter. A must read for everyone that has cared for it caring for a someone with this disease.

[Nicola richards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

I loved this book,as it was a relatives view and seeing his mother suffer.I work with Alzheimer's and Dementia guests and I would recommend to anyone who has been affected by it.

[Dora · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book about 18 months ago when my Mum’s behaviour and obsessions while suffering from Alzheimer’s were very worrying and disturbing. Mum passed away just 2 weeks ago and I have re-read it. It is just as good the second time around and didn’t make me sad at all because Alzheimer’s took everything out of Mum and also out of me and now I know she will be at peace.

Martin Slevins story is so very similar to mine as my Mum was Irish too, always had her hair beautiful all her life and was very popular and well loved by everybody who met her.

Sometimes Mum and I just had to laugh like Martin and his lovely Mum did otherwise you could easily go under. Other days she would look at me with real fear in her eyes and repeated over and over again “I don’t know who I am” and “I don’t know where I am”. It is absolutely awful because however many times you explain that they are safe and being well looked after, their brain is so scrambled that they don’t retain the information for a second.

I do agree with him that the CQC are not really fit for purpose and that some care homes are dreadful. What I would like to know is how his Mum’s care was funded because my Mum paid out £75,000 over 4 years in care and had to sell her house to pay for it. Martin is fortunate in that he was still left his Mum’s house in her will. What my Mum planned to leave us is long gone.

I would recommend this book to anybody who has a loved one with dementia at whatever stage as you can relate to it and Martin Slevin definitely has a way with words.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is closest to a hug, when you need it, if your parent had or has Altzeimers

Martin Slevin has the ability to tell it how it was for himself looking after his dear old mum, during her slow decline into the confusion of Altzeimers,with such warmth, such compassion, that I felt emotions for Rose and him, and all who were caught up in their situation. My own mother had Altzeimers, so thank you Martin, we only lost mum this year;you helped me process my feelings. People outside of the situation do not understand how it feels slowly losing their mum or dad bit by bit, learning to try and respond as befits the circumstances as they happen. How hard it is when your mum wonders why your dad hasn't been there recently, when she has forgotten he died 11 years previously, but through reading this book, they can begin to. You write so informative about the dangers of those dishonest types calling at doors, and you make many good points regarding representation of the person who you are caring for. Thank you for the moments of spontaneous laughter on a crowded bus, the moments when my tears flowed, and for the sweetness and the rationality, I hope you do read this review Martin, as it says you do on the final comments of the book. Thank you for sharing about the Sainsbury's carrier bag at the airport, and the subsequent arrangements for your parents. Your book was a comfort and a tonic to the last word.

[Genevieve Jolliffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend recommended this book and I'm really glad she did. I found it incredibly heartwarming and uplifting which is extremely difficult for such a heavy topic. It gave an insight into the everyday struggles people have caring for their loved ones as well as those coping with the disease. I haven't read a book like this for a long time - not only was it a quick read as it's a real page turner but also made me laugh and cry all at once! I'd highly recommend to everyone!

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was written by a man in England whose Mother had Alzheimers Desease. Many of his stories were bittersweet and he mixed the bitter and the sweet in a very informational yet entertaining way. This book will inspire caregivers to be ever vigilant about the care their loved ones receive from others.

[Caelidh-ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has spent the past 5 years working with advanced dementia, I could see so many people I have met in Rose’s story. A heartbreaking book telling the story of a heartbreaking disease. I advise anyone to read this book and further their understanding of something that affects billions of people every year.

[Jayne Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is Martin's, or should I say his mother Rose's story, which shows the shock waves that effect a family when dealing with Alzheimer's.

This was a truly touching, sometimes funny, and very sad memoir.

When Martin's dad dies his mother Rose, is shortly after diagnosed with dementia. As their Consultant told them ' It's like rolling up a rug.' Rose slowly start to lose her short term memory and find herself regressing further and further back into her childhood.

Martin tries his hardest to keep his mother at home, even putting his own life on hold. He's recently separated and moves back into the family home. They foster an strange looking, badly behaved dog for a short time called Bruno, or is it Ben? or Boris? I have to say this part of the book had me stitches.

Sadly, it's not to long before he strain of the illness becomes apparent and Martin has no choice but to think about placing Rose into a home.

The eccentric behaviour of Rose is often funny and I'm sure that looking back at her life the family will remember these times with a bitter sweet fondness. The shocking state of some of our care / nursing homes for the elderly / vulnerable leave a big question mark over the people that run them. The first home that Rose is put into is a shambles to say the least. Thankfully she did find somewhere that as she said was rather like a grand hotel.

It was the peoples reactions to the disease that quite shocked me. When Rose wanders off the full community come together to locate her. Strangers she met in the street who Rose would engage in conversation with, as if she knew them, would play along with the game whilst others would squirm uncomfortably and others were nothing short of rude and obnoxious.

I am lucky enough not to have had to deal with Alzheimer's, it has so far not effected any of my family members and after reading this book I am very thankful for that. As Martin says in the last chapter of his book, "Dealing with a loved one who has Alzheimer's is rather like peeling back an onion with your bare hands; each time you tear away a layer, you find there in yet another one underneath, and the more you peel the layers away, and the closer you get to the core, the more it makes you want to cry.

This book was written back in 2012 and in recent years I have seen an increase in the awareness of Alzheimer's and I would like to think that things have improved since Martin's experience but sadly I fear that too much is still the same.

This a touching read and I would recommend this book.

[Gaye Teather · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Beautiful' may seem a strange word to describe this book, given the subject matter, but it is indeed beautifully written and one of the best that I have read on this subject. The author, clearly a devoted and loving son, describes both his mother's and his own journey through the heart breaking condition of this cruel disease. It is honest, poignant, at times very sad and at other times delightfully amusing. Little anecdotes about sharing the sofa and watching tv alongside a frozen goose, the imaginary Irish band and the pinning of socks to the walls, although tragic, do inject some lighter moments into what is a dark and depressing illness. I also learned quite a lot from Martin's accounts and experiences and believe that I understand the illness and its sufferers a little bit better than I did before reading this book. Martin has a wonderful way of writing which prevents the book from being depressing and gives hope and encouragement to those who live with, and care for, loved ones who live with this condition and his very patient, caring and humble nature shines through onto every page. The book also gives an insight into care homes - some of which are not all they seem! This book touched me very deeply and I highly recommend it just as it was recommended to me. I'm so glad it was and that I read it. My best wishes to Martin and thanks for his lovely testimony and tribute to his much loved Mum.

[Ruby · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW. Gorgeous, heartfelt, heart-rending, page-turner. Some parts of this book had me in fits of laughter... I tried to read the funny bits out to whomever was around, but I couldn't get through a sentence without cracking up. Then, other parts made me cry... What a portrait of the relationship between a caregiver and his mum. Martin says he has felt guilty and inadequate as a caregiver, but all of us can only hope to have someone so caring and connected when our decline eventually comes. I have been reading this book every spare moment I have and I have not stopped thinking about it since I started. I notice there are almost unanimous five star reviews and I am not surprised. This is something special.

[Mayraigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having lived with someone with Alzheimer's I can empathise with Martin's story. Obviously there are humorous aspects to Alzheimer's. I would like to think that if I got Alzheimer's that my family would be discrete about my change in mental state. I enjoyed the first few anecdotes but after a while it just made me uncomfortable. I would never write a book about someone who held themselves with pride all through their life so other could laugh at the funny stories. There wasn't enough balance in the story for me and in the end I felt like Martin was cashing in by writing about his mothers dementia.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

- Beautifully written
- Very insightful to living with Alzheimer's
- Emotional
- True story

I won this from goodreads giveaway.

I have really enjoyed this book. I have never read anything quite like it!
It's a very fast past read as the chapters are short and the characters are catchy, which leads you to want to read more!

It's a very emotional yet funny book.

I feel it portrays the issues of mental health (Alzheimer's) beautifully.
I felt a real connection to Rose and to the carer of Rose - who is Rose's son Martin.

10/10

[Melissa Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, about the heartbreaking nature of Alzheimer's. The true suffers of AD being the family most of the time rather than individual person, who for the most part completely oblivious in their own little world. A must read for anyone who has a family member with Dementia, or helps to care for sufferers.

[Jean Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant!!!!

What a great book made me laugh and. Cry. My husband who is 61 has got frontal lobe dementia. So in many ways different to Rose. I wish we could have some of the conversions that martin had with his mum. So glad the [little girl is free. Now] and finely. At peace.

[Kay Townsend · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a brilliant read. I loved how Martin had written it, he put up with so much but his love for his mother clearly shone through. Absolutely remarkable book. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest account of a man dealing with his Mother's Alzheimer's Disease. Sometimes funny and very moving, I highly recommend this book. Fabulous!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

fantastic book, very funny, very honest & extremely moving. A real insight to Alzheimers.

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was amazing. In parts so funny I laughed out loud but also so very sad. Gives an incredible insight into alzheimers.

[Beth Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended. The story is about a women struggling with Alchemiers Disease. It's mostly light hearted, but really hits home too. Helps you to understand.

[Eva · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just found the author REALLY annoying.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant insight into life as a carer for someone with Alzheimer's - made me laugh and cry in equal measure.

[Debbie Newton · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've lived with AD you'll love this book. Hilarious but moving.

[Nancy Kuykendall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is the true accounting of one man’s life and experiences while living with and caring for his mother who was stricken with Alzheimer’s. As the author clearly describes, the one afflicted with the disease is not the only one who suffers, as the caregiver will suffer profoundly. I found this story fascinating, heart wrenching, touching, sad, informative, and at times funny. The author brings the reader along on many adventures both terrifying and humorous. His candidness in how he dealt with each situation, found his way through difficult circumstances, and sorted through his own feelings is applauded. I appreciated his truthfulness and openness.
The author gives facts and figures indicating the huge number of people around the world who are afflicted with Alzheimer’s. He offers suggestions on how to live with and help one with the disease and gives information for outside help.
This book is truly an offering of love, both to this man’s mother and those who might find themselves in his shoes. A wonderful read.

[Nancy Kuykendall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is the true accounting of one man’s life and experiences while living with and caring for his mother who was stricken with Alzheimer’s. As the author clearly describes, the one afflicted with the disease is not the only one who suffers, as the caregiver will suffer profoundly. I found this story fascinating, heart wrenching, touching, sad, informative, and at times funny. The author brings the reader along on many adventures both terrifying and humorous. His candidness in how he dealt with each situation, found his way through difficult circumstances, and sorted through his own feelings is applauded. I appreciated his truthfulness and openness.
The author gives facts and figures indicating the huge number of people around the world who are afflicted with Alzheimer’s. He offers suggestions on how to live with and help one with the disease and gives information for outside help.
This book is truly an offering of love, both to this man’s mother and those who might find themselves in his shoes. A wonderful read.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's easy not to want to read a book with this subject matter, dementia is such a cruel illness that a lot of us would rather not think about it happening to ourselves or a loved one until forced to, but please please do.

The writer's love for his mother is clear, you will come to love her too. He shares the humour, the resilience and the moments of happiness as well as the heartbreak that come with loving someone with dementia. He shows how a good quality of life is still possible for people as the rug rolls up (a metaphor for memory loss used in the book), but also how much their loved ones have to fight to make it happen. He does this to reassure and educate, yes, but also to call society to action, to recognise how much more needs to be done.

And that little girl in the radiator...she will stay with you for a long time.

[Mrs Anne Doran · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent portrayal of how dementia affects both sufferer and carer and was especially poignant for me because my brother suffered early onset dementia at the age of fifty. It was heart - breaking to witness his decline : he lost his speech, his mobility and had absolutely no quality of life whatsoever. Like Rose he spent his last days in care and sadly despite having many friends ultimately was visited only by myself and his wife. People are terrified of Alzheimer’s opting to shy away from it rather than try to understand it. Sadly the government does very little to fund research into its causes and profits from the fact that people will struggle to care for their loved ones at home.

[MICHELLE HANSON · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly gripping

Absolutely enjoyed reading this book. It explained the awful illness down to a tee. I work in a card home which caters mainly for those suffering this awful disease. Reading your book is honestly like listening to a resident, how they revert back to being children at home with their parents and living in the last as if their adult lives have been erased from their memory. What a great insight you have given in explaining what dementia is actually like for the person and their loved ones. Thank you