As I Remember It

by Tara Lee Morin

Taken from her Native birth mother as a baby. Removed from her adoptive parents’ home at 5 and caught shoplifting at 11. On the streets prostituting herself at 14. This is the stark childhood and adolescence of Tara Lee, the protagonist of As I Remember It. But she triumphs over rejection and abuse, thanks to her indomitable spirit and the efforts of a pair of unique foster parents.

Breakdowns in the fostering system make the headlines, but what is day-to-day life really like for foster children and teens? What struggles do they face, and what resources do they draw on? Why are kids in care more liable to get involved in crime?

As I Remember It yields first-person insight into these issues, but beyond that, it will draw you in with its unblinking portrait of a young girl who discovers that she possesses a core of strength equal to that of her storybook heroines.

Genres: Indigenous, Nonfiction, Memoir

259 pages, Paperback

First published July 10, 2012

Reviews

[Mj · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I Remember It is a memoir about a young Métis girl’s childhood and coming of age. It is the first published work by Canadian author Tara Lee Morin. Given Morin’s lack of publishing experience, I thought the book was well written and flowed well. The writing was straightforward, not whiny and without any hints of self-pity. I should not have been surprised at how well Morin writes as a novice, given that she writes about her love for reading and writing from a very young age. She kept me thoroughly engaged throughout, despite sharing a tough and gritty story.

Tara Lee was abused as a youngster (no specifics were given but it was evident by her anguish and self-destructive behaviour.) She grew up in foster care, then on the streets, in and out of schools and abusive relationships. It was a tough read due to the subject matter but filled with hope despite the bad times. Besides the troubles she had, Tara found support and friendship along her journey of self-discovery. Her amazing resiliency and big heart shone throughout Tara Lee's memoir. Her final foster mother, who Tara Lee called Mom, was always there for her; as was her foster care father whom she called Dad. Tara Lee was always encouraged to write by her Mom. In fact, it was her promise to her Mom as she was dying, to complete and publish As I Remember It that became Tara Lee’s motivating factor for publication. The special bond between the mother and child was very touching to read. Both Mom and Dad, as described, seem proof positive that there are wonderful foster parents out there to give children second chances and the love and support they deserve but don’t necessarily receive from their blood relatives.

I learned a lot by reading this book. It helped me fully understand the long-term negative impact that sexual assault by a stranger or family member has on children. I fully understand why a very high percentage of prostitutes experienced sexual abuse and trauma before taking up this profession. The same seems true for many homeless young people on the streets - runaways from physically, sexually, emotional and psychologically abusive households. When children are damaged at a young age, by people who are supposed to love them, the pain becomes too much and a child’s self-esteem and self- worth is frequently destroyed. They often self-inflict pain by cutting themselves or choosing abusive partners or drugs or alcohol to numb their pain because they really do not feel they are of any value. They feel unloved and invisible.

As I Remember It won second place in the 2013 Burt’s First Nations, Metis and Innuit Literary
Awards, just behind Richard Wagamese’s first place Indian Horse. While this story is Tara Lee’s own story, unfortunately her story is far too common and the results far too typical - early violence and abuse ending up with child victims choosing more violence and abuse for themselves and becoming seemingly unable to break the cycle.

Morin is very smart - her intellect was evident in her story and in her grades at school. Her smarts and sassiness helped keep her safe in a number of very difficult situations. She also had a big heart and liked to help others. Her generosity of spirit fortunately attracted positive people into her life as well as negative people. Tara Lee loved to dream, read and write and was able to create another world that she imagined was better than the one in which she was dying. Her tenacity and strong will never to give up on life were traits that sometimes made life hard for her but in the end; these traits saved her. She just would not give in. In addition, the strong and unconditional love she received from her foster parents (whom she recognized as her true parents and called them Mom and Dad) were always in her corner and helped Tara Lee stay alive and mature.

Unfortunately, while this specific life is unique to Tara Lee Morin, her story is far too similar to many other young people, who are survivors of abuse and violence, and live homeless as street people and prostitutes. They often do not live long enough to tell their story, never mind write about it. As I Remember It is well worth reading for knowledge and a better understanding of the cycle of violence that is all too common for many children of all races growing up. A moving and informative 4.0 stars first publication and memoir that is well worth reading.

[Magdelanye · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not an easy book, and that seems fitting for the life of Tara Lee Morin as she recounts it in short, terse paragraphs that are not always sequential. Her situation, her grit and determination, and her prodigious memory give her story an immediacy that fiction lacks.

After following her path so closely, I was somewhat disappointed that she chose not to give more weight to what is essentially an epilogue to her struggle. I wanted a bit more of the happily ever after, but knowing that she seems to have found the inner piece she was seeking is heartening.

Sometimes we find ourselves running to where we had run away from in the first place. p235

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got into this book quite quickly and had a difficult time putting it down. It follows the author's life from a young child through the foster care and group home system. Her story has many horrifying experiences and moments of clarity leading to the ultimate sacrifice.
Be prepared to be disturbed while reading this biography. My hope is that people who read this book will be able to come away with some compassion and understanding for those youth who are troubled, homeless, drug addicted or trafficked. Nothing is as clear as we would like to make it. There is a heart and hope within everyone.

[Ck · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book about life as a young girl, teenager growing up in the foster care system. The struggles of living with the memories of abuse, and what she does to try and be free of that. I've been telling everyone that they should read this book, it is based in Squamish, BC Vancouver,BC & in Calgary, AB.

[Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing because Tara Lee Morin wrote her life..so far.
As I Remember It ..is a great title..
Many conversations start off with "I remember" "As I remember" etc.
Life....
Thank you Tara Lee Morin..
My friends that walked simalar paths will read your story..thank you.

[Anna Xu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've just finished this book at nearly 5 am. That should say what I think of the book.

I know the author lived this story, but she told it so well. The language was easy, riveting, and I flowed through the pages.

The frustration and self-destrcutive cycle could be felt deeply. Halfway through, I found myself resenting her and giving uo on her. But I was reminded that this exact slippery wheel is what makes getting out of your situation hard and makes it hard for others to help. It was an interesting revelation that she's living extreme situations and hardships I can't relate to, but the way she hopes, sees clarity, has clarity slip away, doubts, sulks, despairs, and repeats the very thing she so clearly saw as holding her back to escape everything just to come back again, worse off, is universal. It was quite cool to think that bits and pieces of her story could have really been a story of any person figuring out life, but hers in a much more sinister backdrop. I think it reaffirms how much alike the person living the "normal life" and the person on the street are than we'd like to admit. And I thought that being conveyed through the character's journey was brilliant storytelling.

I also have a soft spot for the depiction on birth and its magical effects in this story. The turnaround, after so much disappointment, did seem a tad out of nowhere. Could what you feel in the burst of the moment really sustain you through the long, arduous journey of changing and breaking patterns? It's still hard and perhaps not even common, but as I have been a midwife and seen those scenes, I believe it, and I am so happy it was part of this story.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

A unique and often not seen (or understood) look at the life of a foster child from the child's perspective. Gives the reader a better understanding of attachment disorder and why some youth self harm and self destruct during their early years. Well told and the reader is empathetic to the child and all she experiences. Big Hurrahs! to you for getting through it all to tell your story. Thank you Tara Lee, for sharing your experiences. I am a better person for it as I have a much better understanding of youth in care.

[A Poste · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful testimony and writing by an inspiring Indigenous woman.

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book