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Leave Myself Behind #1
Leave Myself Behind
Noah York is a closeted gay teenager with a foul mouth, a critical disposition, and plenty of material for his tirades. After his father dies, Noah's mother, a temperamental poet, takes a teaching job in a small New Hampshire town, far from Chicago and the only world Noah has known. While Noah gets along reasonably with his mother, the crumbling house they try to renovate quickly reveals dark secrets, via dusty Mason jars they discover interred between walls. The jars contain scraps of letters, poems, and journal entries, and eventually reconstructs a history of pain and violence that drives a sudden wedge between Noah and his mother. Fortunately, Noah finds an unexpected ally in J.D., a teenager down the street who has family troubles of his own. Rape and other physical violence, alcoholism, and incest--the novel describes these abuses in a brutal, matter-of-fact way that may leave some readers uncomfortable. Most of the time, however, Yates effectively captures the honest, sometimes silly, often tender interactions between his fragile characters.
244 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2003
60 people are currently reading
7090 people want to read
About the author
Bart Yates
8 books384 followersAuthor also writes as Noah Bly
Bart Yates was born in Cheyenne, WY, raised in Lamoni, IA, educated in Boston, MA, and now lives in Iowa City, IA, with the world's finest and most discerning cat.
In addition to writing, Yates is a musician, and plays clarinet, saxophone, and bass guitar.
His latest novel is THE VERY LONG, VERY STRANGE LIFE OF ISAAC DAHL, available in stores on July 23, 2024.
For personal blogs, reviews, and info about upcoming events, readers can visit his website: bartyates.com
Bart Yates was born in Cheyenne, WY, raised in Lamoni, IA, educated in Boston, MA, and now lives in Iowa City, IA, with the world's finest and most discerning cat.
In addition to writing, Yates is a musician, and plays clarinet, saxophone, and bass guitar.
His latest novel is THE VERY LONG, VERY STRANGE LIFE OF ISAAC DAHL, available in stores on July 23, 2024.
For personal blogs, reviews, and info about upcoming events, readers can visit his website: bartyates.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 211 reviews
July 19, 2012
It is rather unfortunate that this book is categorized as "Gay Fiction" because for those who are not into gay stories will lose the chance to discover one of the most entertaining teenager characters since Holden Caulfield in "The Catcher in the Rye" as well as one of the most endearing relationships ever portrayed in a book.
"Leave Myself Behind" is a truly profound and unforgettable coming-out story of Noah York, who discovered his first love with J.D. Curtis, the boy down the street. I guess the gem of this book lies on the character of Noah. He's intelligent, brutally honest, sarcastic, hilarious, and thoroughly lovable. The way he descibes loneliness, his relationship with his Mom, and his thoughts of other small things in daily life is engaging.
Then of course, the development of his relationship with J.D. will make you believe in love and hope and happy ending future. That one scene where Noah sits in his porch and sees J.D. walking towards him - the description of the reactions of what happened when the lovers' eyes met, is just breathtaking. Simply one of the best and most entertaining novels I have ever read - gay or not.
"Leave Myself Behind" is a truly profound and unforgettable coming-out story of Noah York, who discovered his first love with J.D. Curtis, the boy down the street. I guess the gem of this book lies on the character of Noah. He's intelligent, brutally honest, sarcastic, hilarious, and thoroughly lovable. The way he descibes loneliness, his relationship with his Mom, and his thoughts of other small things in daily life is engaging.
Then of course, the development of his relationship with J.D. will make you believe in love and hope and happy ending future. That one scene where Noah sits in his porch and sees J.D. walking towards him - the description of the reactions of what happened when the lovers' eyes met, is just breathtaking. Simply one of the best and most entertaining novels I have ever read - gay or not.
November 21, 2018
First published in 2004, Leave Myself Behind may have appealed to me if I had grown up in a time with fewer queer books. It features a mostly functional gay relationship that I imagine in 2004 would have been groundbreaking in a lot of ways. So, I want to honor how this book’s representation of gay teenagers may have very well helped many gay teens upon its initial publication over a decade ago, when things for queer youth were even worse than they are now. I also appreciated the consistent theme of how our parents affect us, as well as how our parents are affected by events that can so often escape our awareness.
I feel like Leave Myself Behind took on a few too many topics though. There’s the recognition of gayness within the two male love interests, their coming out, an assault motivated by homophobia, our main character’s father recently died, our main character’s mother is obsessed with tearing down the house she and her son live in, our main character’s boyfriend’s mother has a bunch of drama going on, and more. I felt that instead of addressing a few of these topics in-depth, Bart Yates touched on each of them to keep the plot moving instead of providing more thorough exploration of these events and their emotional impact. The many different forces at play in this novel gave it the potential for lots of poignant nuance, yet the overload of topics itself prevented the book from reaching that full potential.
I also really did not like Noah, our main character. Yes, I support unlikable main characters, though I tend to support unlikable main characters when their unlikability is rooted in how we may unfairly judge them for traits that activate our stereotypes (e.g., an outspoken female character who is perceived as cold or annoying). However, with Noah, I sensed that he lacked much depth. Walking away from the book, I felt like I did not know much about him, other than that he likes art and occasionally makes fatphobic and sexist comments. Perhaps providing more internal reflection on his part that focused on his emotional reactions to all the events going on around him would have deepened his character. While he had some interesting philosophical musings, they sometimes would veer into problematic territories (e.g., when he thinks that the potential drawbacks of consensual sex are roughly equivalent to the potential drawbacks of sexual assault).
Overall, an okay book if you want a more retro queer YA read. However, I would much rather recommend Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe , The Miseducation of Cameron Post , More Happy Than Not , or What They Always Tell Us . Still searching for my next fab queer YA read!
I feel like Leave Myself Behind took on a few too many topics though. There’s the recognition of gayness within the two male love interests, their coming out, an assault motivated by homophobia, our main character’s father recently died, our main character’s mother is obsessed with tearing down the house she and her son live in, our main character’s boyfriend’s mother has a bunch of drama going on, and more. I felt that instead of addressing a few of these topics in-depth, Bart Yates touched on each of them to keep the plot moving instead of providing more thorough exploration of these events and their emotional impact. The many different forces at play in this novel gave it the potential for lots of poignant nuance, yet the overload of topics itself prevented the book from reaching that full potential.
I also really did not like Noah, our main character. Yes, I support unlikable main characters, though I tend to support unlikable main characters when their unlikability is rooted in how we may unfairly judge them for traits that activate our stereotypes (e.g., an outspoken female character who is perceived as cold or annoying). However, with Noah, I sensed that he lacked much depth. Walking away from the book, I felt like I did not know much about him, other than that he likes art and occasionally makes fatphobic and sexist comments. Perhaps providing more internal reflection on his part that focused on his emotional reactions to all the events going on around him would have deepened his character. While he had some interesting philosophical musings, they sometimes would veer into problematic territories (e.g., when he thinks that the potential drawbacks of consensual sex are roughly equivalent to the potential drawbacks of sexual assault).
Overall, an okay book if you want a more retro queer YA read. However, I would much rather recommend Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe , The Miseducation of Cameron Post , More Happy Than Not , or What They Always Tell Us . Still searching for my next fab queer YA read!
August 11, 2010
After reading all the hype on the cover, I was ready for this book to be nothing short of brilliant. A gay coming-of-age novel, with a high school senior narrator (Noah) falling for a junior (J.D.), published in the early part of the new millennium -- surely, this will contain new insights and reactions, new ways of discovering this anciently modern accursed blessing called sexuality and self? Alas, despite some critics comparing the book to Salinger J.D.'s The Catcher in the Rye, I was sadly disappointed.
The first 80 or so pages was comparatively cliche, as we build up to the obligatory "first disastrous sexual experience moment," and another 30 pages to the equally obligatory "I was wrong, Noah, I hate the girl, I really want you" moment. Out of 244 pages, this is a big chunk of build-up. By page 141, we get the "Oh my God we're found out" cliche, followed by the "Getting beaten up by the high school jocks" cliche a dozen or so pages later. A not quite as cliche happening has Noah's lover moving into his (Noah's) home and J.D.'s family literally moving out of town and abandoning the boy. The ending, not quite "happily ever after" but comparatively upbeat for all that, is vaguely anti-climactic, not to mention vaguely unbelievable.
The vast majority of this book is not so much about Noah and J.D.'s romance as it is of Noah's belief that anything good has to be paid for, quite possibly with blood. Noah's father has long since passed, died of a heart attack in his study, found later by young Noah. His mother is a borderline psychotic (made so, we discover, by having been raped by her own father), who tears up the house in which they live to look for clues about the previous owner. Said previous owner was also crazy, and ended up killing his wife and the child she carried that wasn't his. J.D.'s mother, we later find, was raped as well, and J.D. is the result, which explains why she hates him so much, and why J.D.'s father is a cowardly drunkard who allows his wife to beat the boy on a regular basis.
How many rape/murder/incest cliches can we dump into one story? The various rages, obsessions, breakdowns, shattering of families... it's far too much for anyone to follow, much less dare to deal with. Generally, they don't deal with it -- J.D.'s family simply disappears, leaving the boy with "that pervert" (oh, is that the part we're supposed to be focusing on?). Noah's mother eventually gets some psychiatric help, and we assume she's going to get better. She's the only one really accepting of the boys' relationship; in fact, she knew long before Noah would even admit it to himself. So the person who accepts him is psychotic. As Noah keeps pointing out, there's a price to pay.
Oh -- one other cliche: J.D.'s ex-girlfriend gets to confront him, to say that it's Noah's fault for leading him into this perversion, and her preacher says that he can help J.D. come back to God, otherwise J.D. is going to burn in hell. One quick jab at the ex-gay ministry (which, I thoroughly agree, needs as much jabbing as we can give it).
It's no picnic being in high school. Anyone who says how much fun they had in their high school years is delusional, outright lying, or was one of those "popular" ones who, thirty years later, is running his own Amway business and hasn't had an original thought in his life. Add into this vitriolic mix discovering that one is gay, and you've got quite a horrible time of it, even (especially?) now.
What seems to be missing in this angst-ridden novel of the horrors of being a teen is some sort of (for lack of a better term) focus. So much happens outside of Noah's exploration and reconciliation of himself that it seems that the book isn't so much about him as it's about how being gay is nothing compared with everyone else's rape, incest, murder, and general psychosis.
I wish that author Bart Yates had decided to tell a story about a boy and his lover, rather than adding in so much other drama and madness that it obscures nearly every aspect of the relationship between the (presumably) primary characters. Tell a love story, or tell a story of crazy people who have one comparatively normal person who falls in love. This book seems to be screaming, "There's nothing wrong with me -- hell, I'm just gay, and everyone else is criminally insane. See? Being gay isn't nearly as bad as all this, even though I have to take you, Constant Reader, through all this sewage in order to pound that point into your head."
I think I'll go back to reading Patricia Nell Warren; her classic works such as The Front Runner and Fancy Dancer are much more compelling stories of coming to terms with one's sexuality, as well as coming to find a true lover.
The first 80 or so pages was comparatively cliche, as we build up to the obligatory "first disastrous sexual experience moment," and another 30 pages to the equally obligatory "I was wrong, Noah, I hate the girl, I really want you" moment. Out of 244 pages, this is a big chunk of build-up. By page 141, we get the "Oh my God we're found out" cliche, followed by the "Getting beaten up by the high school jocks" cliche a dozen or so pages later. A not quite as cliche happening has Noah's lover moving into his (Noah's) home and J.D.'s family literally moving out of town and abandoning the boy. The ending, not quite "happily ever after" but comparatively upbeat for all that, is vaguely anti-climactic, not to mention vaguely unbelievable.
The vast majority of this book is not so much about Noah and J.D.'s romance as it is of Noah's belief that anything good has to be paid for, quite possibly with blood. Noah's father has long since passed, died of a heart attack in his study, found later by young Noah. His mother is a borderline psychotic (made so, we discover, by having been raped by her own father), who tears up the house in which they live to look for clues about the previous owner. Said previous owner was also crazy, and ended up killing his wife and the child she carried that wasn't his. J.D.'s mother, we later find, was raped as well, and J.D. is the result, which explains why she hates him so much, and why J.D.'s father is a cowardly drunkard who allows his wife to beat the boy on a regular basis.
How many rape/murder/incest cliches can we dump into one story? The various rages, obsessions, breakdowns, shattering of families... it's far too much for anyone to follow, much less dare to deal with. Generally, they don't deal with it -- J.D.'s family simply disappears, leaving the boy with "that pervert" (oh, is that the part we're supposed to be focusing on?). Noah's mother eventually gets some psychiatric help, and we assume she's going to get better. She's the only one really accepting of the boys' relationship; in fact, she knew long before Noah would even admit it to himself. So the person who accepts him is psychotic. As Noah keeps pointing out, there's a price to pay.
Oh -- one other cliche: J.D.'s ex-girlfriend gets to confront him, to say that it's Noah's fault for leading him into this perversion, and her preacher says that he can help J.D. come back to God, otherwise J.D. is going to burn in hell. One quick jab at the ex-gay ministry (which, I thoroughly agree, needs as much jabbing as we can give it).
It's no picnic being in high school. Anyone who says how much fun they had in their high school years is delusional, outright lying, or was one of those "popular" ones who, thirty years later, is running his own Amway business and hasn't had an original thought in his life. Add into this vitriolic mix discovering that one is gay, and you've got quite a horrible time of it, even (especially?) now.
What seems to be missing in this angst-ridden novel of the horrors of being a teen is some sort of (for lack of a better term) focus. So much happens outside of Noah's exploration and reconciliation of himself that it seems that the book isn't so much about him as it's about how being gay is nothing compared with everyone else's rape, incest, murder, and general psychosis.
I wish that author Bart Yates had decided to tell a story about a boy and his lover, rather than adding in so much other drama and madness that it obscures nearly every aspect of the relationship between the (presumably) primary characters. Tell a love story, or tell a story of crazy people who have one comparatively normal person who falls in love. This book seems to be screaming, "There's nothing wrong with me -- hell, I'm just gay, and everyone else is criminally insane. See? Being gay isn't nearly as bad as all this, even though I have to take you, Constant Reader, through all this sewage in order to pound that point into your head."
I think I'll go back to reading Patricia Nell Warren; her classic works such as The Front Runner and Fancy Dancer are much more compelling stories of coming to terms with one's sexuality, as well as coming to find a true lover.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Read
July 10, 2018DNF
Not in the mood to finish this one atm
July 13, 2018
I've read Bart Yates' debut novel Leave Myself Behind after reading - and adoring - his second book, The Brothers Bishop and I've found it very compelling, with a great narrative voice and full of those elements and issues that are further developed in his follow-up release.
Noah York - a sarcastic, smart 17-year-old - moves with his mother into an old house after relocating to the small town of Oakland following the sudden death of his father.
During the restoration works, Noah and Virginia start finding jars hidden in the walls containing poems, pictures and other items belonging to the house's previous owners. The mystery surrounding these findings will break the precarious balance reached in the life of Noah and his mother.
Their story is further complicated by another crucial event: Noah falling in mutual love with his neighbour J.D., a circumstance that triggers a series of dramatic consequences in the lives of both young men.
As in Yates' second novel, family dynamics and momentous places (here the house, there the cottage and its back garden) weave together to provide the reader with a web of connections, long-buried stories, moments of tenderness and confrontations that reflect upon the ideas of family, love and trust.
Noah's narrative voice is a very compelling one: at times too smart for his own good, full of the black and white distinctions typical of teenagers, he goes through his and J.D.'s family tragedies with a sense of growing awareness and desperation but also holding on to the notion of love - for his mother and J.D. - as at least one fixed certainty in a series of devastating disasters. Noah is not naive or simplistic in his expectations but he does recognise the strength of the bond that connects him with his difficult mother and with the shy but steadfast J.D.
Leave Myself Behind is also a novel full of ghosts and remembrances of things past: Noah's father, Virginia's relationship with her own dad, J.D.'s mother's past and, above all, the lurking presence of Nellie Mitchell and Stephen Carlisle (the previous owners of the house) fill the pages of the novel with echoes of the past and with a clear sense that prior events never really cease to exercise their power or cast a shadow onto the present.
Perhaps, this novel is not as tightly-knit, gut-wrenching and blindingly powerful as The Brothers Bishop but it's really involving and persuasive, with lots of wonderful passages and with a set of beautiful characters.
Whichever way you want to go about it, Bart Yates is a writer deserving of great praise and attention.
Highly recommended!
Noah York - a sarcastic, smart 17-year-old - moves with his mother into an old house after relocating to the small town of Oakland following the sudden death of his father.
During the restoration works, Noah and Virginia start finding jars hidden in the walls containing poems, pictures and other items belonging to the house's previous owners. The mystery surrounding these findings will break the precarious balance reached in the life of Noah and his mother.
Their story is further complicated by another crucial event: Noah falling in mutual love with his neighbour J.D., a circumstance that triggers a series of dramatic consequences in the lives of both young men.
As in Yates' second novel, family dynamics and momentous places (here the house, there the cottage and its back garden) weave together to provide the reader with a web of connections, long-buried stories, moments of tenderness and confrontations that reflect upon the ideas of family, love and trust.
Noah's narrative voice is a very compelling one: at times too smart for his own good, full of the black and white distinctions typical of teenagers, he goes through his and J.D.'s family tragedies with a sense of growing awareness and desperation but also holding on to the notion of love - for his mother and J.D. - as at least one fixed certainty in a series of devastating disasters. Noah is not naive or simplistic in his expectations but he does recognise the strength of the bond that connects him with his difficult mother and with the shy but steadfast J.D.
Leave Myself Behind is also a novel full of ghosts and remembrances of things past: Noah's father, Virginia's relationship with her own dad, J.D.'s mother's past and, above all, the lurking presence of Nellie Mitchell and Stephen Carlisle (the previous owners of the house) fill the pages of the novel with echoes of the past and with a clear sense that prior events never really cease to exercise their power or cast a shadow onto the present.
Perhaps, this novel is not as tightly-knit, gut-wrenching and blindingly powerful as The Brothers Bishop but it's really involving and persuasive, with lots of wonderful passages and with a set of beautiful characters.
Whichever way you want to go about it, Bart Yates is a writer deserving of great praise and attention.
Highly recommended!
November 5, 2019
I just finished reading this one for the second time (for book club) and while it’s a wonderful book, I can admit objectively that it isn’t perfect, isn’t the best or most brilliant of the novels I would list in my personal “top 15,” but damn, I absolutely LOVE this book. I really do.
And sacrilege that it may be, while I get the comparisons with Catcher in the Rye (Noah as a “Gay Holden Caulfield” and all that jazz) I have to admit that I like Leave Myself Behind much more than C.I.T.R, and love Noah (who in my opinion is funnier, sweeter, and a hell of a lot more self-aware) way more than Holden. I love all three of the main characters, actually, like Noah both Virginia and J.D. are flawed but wonderful, incredibly nuanced individuals.
Beyond the characters, and the witty, dry humor which is so much fun to read, Leave Myself Behind has some extremely wise, powerful things to say about human beings, the complex and often twisted worlds we create for ourselves and others, and how impossible it is to truly escape the past. Despite some darker, very deep themes, what really sets the plot and themes and characters apart is the honest but never maudlin vein of tenderness, linking it all together so beautifully.
And sacrilege that it may be, while I get the comparisons with Catcher in the Rye (Noah as a “Gay Holden Caulfield” and all that jazz) I have to admit that I like Leave Myself Behind much more than C.I.T.R, and love Noah (who in my opinion is funnier, sweeter, and a hell of a lot more self-aware) way more than Holden. I love all three of the main characters, actually, like Noah both Virginia and J.D. are flawed but wonderful, incredibly nuanced individuals.
Beyond the characters, and the witty, dry humor which is so much fun to read, Leave Myself Behind has some extremely wise, powerful things to say about human beings, the complex and often twisted worlds we create for ourselves and others, and how impossible it is to truly escape the past. Despite some darker, very deep themes, what really sets the plot and themes and characters apart is the honest but never maudlin vein of tenderness, linking it all together so beautifully.
January 3, 2023
3.5, rounding down to 3. A solid enough read. The main character is a bit too much of a Holden Caulfield wanna-be for my taste, and not the most likable guy around, honestly. He also didn't always feel quite real to me, including some of his references - what 17 y.o. boy in 2003 would reference ERMA BOMBECK?!?! I mean, yes, grew up in Chicago and in many ways knows more about the world than the average teenager, in large part through his academic and intellectual parents and through his own precociousness, but... Erma Bombeck died in 1996, before he was even a preteen!! But having said all that, I definitely felt invested in this book, and the mystery that is an important subplot kept me going. Recommend, though not of the highest order.
January 7, 2025
*It seems like I started this year reading this book and I'm sort of ending it with it too. I'm doing a re-read on audio.
I love Bart Yates’s writing. I love how he portrayed Noah York, a 17 year old queer teen who gets uprooted after his father dies and his mother takes him from Chicago to live in a small town in New Hampshire. The way Bart Yates portrayed Noah makes him feel like a real, honest and bright 17 year old. Yes, he is rude at times, and opinionated and he is likely to offend people, but aren’t many people his age?
I loved how the narrator -Graham Halstead - gave him a voice. He really did a wonderful performance of all the characters, including JD. I felt for him, this quiet boy opposed to Noah’s loudness, and I even felt for his mom and what she had experienced. I got whereas came from, which still didn’t mean she was allowed to take it out on her son. I was mainly here for their story, and though the mystery of the jars and the history of the Carlisles takes a huge part of the story as well, it was clever how the author connected everything that happened, past days and future.*
Original review:
I read this some time last year and I didn't even leave a review...
Shame on me. I just finished re-reading this and still love it very much.
I gave it a 5 star rating back then and I will stick with it now. I love Noah's voice; it's honest, raw, unfiltered and pure - he's a very honest seventeen year old kid and I love his sense of humor. I also love the way his mind works around several subjects, some of which are quite difficult to understand for a kid his age. But he gives us, readers, an honest view of his thoughts, of his opinions.
I liked him and J.D. together, felt their connection and I felt sad for all the bad things they have to go through together. Their love felt real, even at their young age. And it's a HFN; what else can you expect at this age? A HEA wouldn't be real. But the story ended just fine and I loved re-reading it.
Haven't mentioned it before, but I highly recommend this book. It was one of the first YA m/m novels I read and it got me curious for more. I love Bart Yates' writing. He's a wonderful author.
I love Bart Yates’s writing. I love how he portrayed Noah York, a 17 year old queer teen who gets uprooted after his father dies and his mother takes him from Chicago to live in a small town in New Hampshire. The way Bart Yates portrayed Noah makes him feel like a real, honest and bright 17 year old. Yes, he is rude at times, and opinionated and he is likely to offend people, but aren’t many people his age?
I loved how the narrator -Graham Halstead - gave him a voice. He really did a wonderful performance of all the characters, including JD. I felt for him, this quiet boy opposed to Noah’s loudness, and I even felt for his mom and what she had experienced. I got whereas came from, which still didn’t mean she was allowed to take it out on her son. I was mainly here for their story, and though the mystery of the jars and the history of the Carlisles takes a huge part of the story as well, it was clever how the author connected everything that happened, past days and future.*
Original review:
I read this some time last year and I didn't even leave a review...
Shame on me. I just finished re-reading this and still love it very much.
I gave it a 5 star rating back then and I will stick with it now. I love Noah's voice; it's honest, raw, unfiltered and pure - he's a very honest seventeen year old kid and I love his sense of humor. I also love the way his mind works around several subjects, some of which are quite difficult to understand for a kid his age. But he gives us, readers, an honest view of his thoughts, of his opinions.
I liked him and J.D. together, felt their connection and I felt sad for all the bad things they have to go through together. Their love felt real, even at their young age. And it's a HFN; what else can you expect at this age? A HEA wouldn't be real. But the story ended just fine and I loved re-reading it.
Haven't mentioned it before, but I highly recommend this book. It was one of the first YA m/m novels I read and it got me curious for more. I love Bart Yates' writing. He's a wonderful author.
May 2, 2011
I am not sure I can create a logical review based on my thoughts about this book right now. There are moments of pure brilliance and then there are 'huh what???' moments. Therefore since I am still thinking about it, I am going to go and give it a 4 star. It was much darker than I thought, rapes, beating of the two town 'queers', strange messages buried in the house, etc. Noah as a character is so compelling and his POV is so strong, that I think we could have done without some of the other 'stuff'.
This is still a good read and I will be reading more.
This is still a good read and I will be reading more.
May 9, 2025
Wow, wat een boek. Ik moest er even van bijkomen en iets anders doen om niet in de sfeer van het verhaal te blijven hangen.
Een heftig en diepgaand boek, zowel triest als hoopvol en dealend met zware thema's als jeugdtrauma, seksueel misbruik, homofobie en depressie. Maar er is ook ruimte voor troost en liefde en MC Noah heeft een heerlijk nuchtere kijk op de zaken om hem heen. En een heerlijk sarcastische humor.
Een absolute aanrader. En op naar het vervolg.
Een heftig en diepgaand boek, zowel triest als hoopvol en dealend met zware thema's als jeugdtrauma, seksueel misbruik, homofobie en depressie. Maar er is ook ruimte voor troost en liefde en MC Noah heeft een heerlijk nuchtere kijk op de zaken om hem heen. En een heerlijk sarcastische humor.
Een absolute aanrader. En op naar het vervolg.
August 8, 2025
That’s it, I guess: true intimacy is really just the run of the mill, day to day stuff that happens without thinking—thousands of simple, meaningless, comfortable ways you can be close to someone, never dreaming how shitty you’ll feel when you wake up one morning with all of it gone.
An allegedly “YA” novel about a seventeen year old who moves from Chicago to a small college town with his mother after the death of his father.
I’ve said it before, but “YA” is a stupid, useless category. I’m glad it didn’t really exist when I was growing up. (One half of the library was Paddington Bear and picture books, and in the other you’d find smut mixed in with the Science Fiction.) This book has me considering entirely deleting or renaming my ya shelf on GR because this just completely explodes the nebulous structure I’d started to build around the term as indicating anything other than “protagonist is under eighteen”. It certainly isn’t the sort of thing young adult me would have been remotely interested in. (Except for the gay bits maybe…)
So, I accidentally read the sequel to this back in March, The Language of Love and Loss, which I enjoyed very much, and I picked this up right after, but have hesitated a bit over it since then, not because I “spoiled” it or anything, but because having read the sequel, I had no idea if this one would leave Noah and J.D. somewhere happy. Turns out I needn’t have worried. Not that this has a genre romance style happy ending. It’s not a romance, though there’s a budding new relationship as a major component of the story. It’s a fairly dark book, and certain characters are dealing with abuse , grief, and mental illness.
I liked this a lot too, though maybe it doesn’t feel quite as well put together as the sequel which makes sense given this came out (and takes place, not that that's relevant) nearly twenty years earlier. But I have no idea who I’d recommend it to. I’m sure a lot of my GR pals would kick it to the curb in a heartbeat for some of the language and attitudes depicted. We get the f* slur, but also some fatphobic and misogynistic stuff. But all that feels very authentic to me. The exact year it’s set is never specified, and my own late teens were nearly twenty years before this book was published, but everything shown here except the few crumbs of tolerance is very reflective of the teen-male culture around me when I grew up. (I suspect Yates is closer in age to me than to Noah, but his DOB isn’t listed anywhere I could find.)
Anyway, I’m glad I finally picked it up. I guess if I’m forced to give it a label, I’ll call it coming of age. Read it if you dare. Meanwhile, I’ll be keeping my eye out for the rest of Yates’ work.
November 6, 2013
I really had a hard time rating this book. Why? Because on one hand, Bart Yates did a really great job concerning characters and narrative tone (see below), but on the other, the plot has what I perceived here as a major flaw: too much drama.
Okay, so first to the things I really liked about the book:
1. The protagonist, Noah. Noah can be a real asshole, but, (and that's what makes him so likeable), he not only knows he's a pain in the ass at times, he resents it on various occasions: he has a loose tongue, an inclination to cynism, and there are situations he feels bad about both. It’s like his mouth runs ahead of his brain about half the time, and he just can’t help it.
I like Noah so much because he feels like a full-fledged, believable, three dimensional teenage boy instead of some cliché. He's not just snippy and rude. He's also very insightful and reflective (e.g. when it comes to his extraordinary mom who writes snobby poetry or his recently deceased dad whom he misses a great deal, or the relationship his parents had). He has a good understanding of love, wants to be loved, and loves back deeply. Apart from that, his narrating is hilarious. Refreshing. He tells this story--using lots of swearing--and his words don't get boring for a second.
2. Noah's mom. Right on the first page, Noah tells us: "Living with Virginia is like living with a myth. She's only half-human; the rest is equal parts wolverine, hyena, goddess and rutting goat. In other words: she's a poet."
Virginia is a great, powerful female character, in my opinion. She's successful, she knows what she wants, she gets shit done. She has a ton of admirable character traits, but she has as many flaws. As the story unfolds, we see her at her most vulnerable: after her husband died, she and Noah moved from Chicago to a rural town in New England where she got a job at the local college and also a Victorian house both are busy to renovate. Behind wood paneling, hidden in the walls, the floors, they find jars the previous (now dead) inhabitants hid there: a mysterious woman--a poet like Virginia--and her insufferable husband. It soon becomes clear something awful must have happened in the old house, and the more messages they find, the more Virgina gets frantic, haunted, tears whole walls down in search for some meaning Noah can't begin to understand. His mother comes apart at the seams for (to him) unknown reasons, and her transformation from a well-organized, headstrong individual to a broken down (still headstrong) mess is unsettling. Her dynamic with Noah is great.
3. Noah's budding romantic relationship with J.D., a neighbor boy who tries very hard not to be gay and is burdened with a mother who seems to hate him.
J.D.'s a nice contrast to Noah's foul mouth, and their story as well as Noah's reflections about it is believable and well told. There are several at times mildly explicit sex scenes, delivered by Noah's narration in an offhand manner. I liked those especially. Basically, I liked Noah's comfortableness with his sexuality. Well done.
So, what's not to like?
There is too much going on in this book.
There is a reason Virgina reacts the way she does. There is a reason J.D.'s mom treats him as bad as she does. It isn't hard to guess both have in common something bad that happened in their past. Of course, Noah and J.D. have to suffer for it in the present. So. This alone would have been enough source for drama (for 244 pages, that is), but then there is also the drama unfolding when Noah's and J.D.'s relationship becomes known (rural town, remember).
While Virginia's problems feel well enough treated by showing the after-effects, the queer shaming (and worse) feels like something the author deemed necessary. As in: this problem isn't carried out with the depth I wished for. It feels half-baked because there isn't enough time in the narration for it to develop, so that subplot seems a bit loose (e.g., the boys are absent from school for a long time—which has the effect they can deal with their family issues, like, the first-order-problems. So, why bother with the school-subplot at all? Why not just make J.D.’s homosexuality known to his family alone and concentrate on the fallout there?)
Now to J.D.'s mom: well, I'd say Virginia'y problem would have been enough. It's too much of the same (story-wise!!! It's awful what happened to J.D.'s mom, and I'm the last person to talk sth. like that down!). It doesn't serve the story, really. Also, there is this thing the author made that feels to me like a big, big mistake: towards the end, J.D.'s dad comes to talk to Noah about something he hasn't told J.D. when he informed him about the reason his mother treats him as she does: he tells Noah a way more detailed (even more awful) version of what happened to J.D.'s mom, and the whole purpose I can see the author did this for is to make me, the reader, even more sympathetic for a mom who beats her son. Thing is: I already felt sorry for her; I'm actually capable of doing both: resenting her beating her innocent son and feeling sorry for her, astonishing, isn't it; so the gory detail felt not only unnecessary but unbelievable: what was J.D.'s dad's motivation to tell this to a stranger (Noah) and take the risk of Noah telling J.D. about it (a thing J.D.’s father says he doesn’t want)? From his words, it's so Noah doesn't think so bad of him and his wife, but really, that seems a bit far-stretched...
So, as a conclusion, this book has great potential (characters, Noah’s reflections, his narrating), but Bart Yates tried to deal with too many irons in the fire and overdid things in the process, thus ruined it a bit for me. And, since this is a major story telling issue, I can’t—sadly—bring myself to give this book 4 stars, although I’d really want to. Argh! So conflicting.
Okay, so first to the things I really liked about the book:
1. The protagonist, Noah. Noah can be a real asshole, but, (and that's what makes him so likeable), he not only knows he's a pain in the ass at times, he resents it on various occasions: he has a loose tongue, an inclination to cynism, and there are situations he feels bad about both. It’s like his mouth runs ahead of his brain about half the time, and he just can’t help it.
I like Noah so much because he feels like a full-fledged, believable, three dimensional teenage boy instead of some cliché. He's not just snippy and rude. He's also very insightful and reflective (e.g. when it comes to his extraordinary mom who writes snobby poetry or his recently deceased dad whom he misses a great deal, or the relationship his parents had). He has a good understanding of love, wants to be loved, and loves back deeply. Apart from that, his narrating is hilarious. Refreshing. He tells this story--using lots of swearing--and his words don't get boring for a second.
2. Noah's mom. Right on the first page, Noah tells us: "Living with Virginia is like living with a myth. She's only half-human; the rest is equal parts wolverine, hyena, goddess and rutting goat. In other words: she's a poet."
Virginia is a great, powerful female character, in my opinion. She's successful, she knows what she wants, she gets shit done. She has a ton of admirable character traits, but she has as many flaws. As the story unfolds, we see her at her most vulnerable: after her husband died, she and Noah moved from Chicago to a rural town in New England where she got a job at the local college and also a Victorian house both are busy to renovate. Behind wood paneling, hidden in the walls, the floors, they find jars the previous (now dead) inhabitants hid there: a mysterious woman--a poet like Virginia--and her insufferable husband. It soon becomes clear something awful must have happened in the old house, and the more messages they find, the more Virgina gets frantic, haunted, tears whole walls down in search for some meaning Noah can't begin to understand. His mother comes apart at the seams for (to him) unknown reasons, and her transformation from a well-organized, headstrong individual to a broken down (still headstrong) mess is unsettling. Her dynamic with Noah is great.
3. Noah's budding romantic relationship with J.D., a neighbor boy who tries very hard not to be gay and is burdened with a mother who seems to hate him.
J.D.'s a nice contrast to Noah's foul mouth, and their story as well as Noah's reflections about it is believable and well told. There are several at times mildly explicit sex scenes, delivered by Noah's narration in an offhand manner. I liked those especially. Basically, I liked Noah's comfortableness with his sexuality. Well done.
So, what's not to like?
There is too much going on in this book.
There is a reason Virgina reacts the way she does. There is a reason J.D.'s mom treats him as bad as she does. It isn't hard to guess both have in common something bad that happened in their past. Of course, Noah and J.D. have to suffer for it in the present. So. This alone would have been enough source for drama (for 244 pages, that is), but then there is also the drama unfolding when Noah's and J.D.'s relationship becomes known (rural town, remember).
While Virginia's problems feel well enough treated by showing the after-effects, the queer shaming (and worse) feels like something the author deemed necessary. As in: this problem isn't carried out with the depth I wished for. It feels half-baked because there isn't enough time in the narration for it to develop, so that subplot seems a bit loose (e.g., the boys are absent from school for a long time—which has the effect they can deal with their family issues, like, the first-order-problems. So, why bother with the school-subplot at all? Why not just make J.D.’s homosexuality known to his family alone and concentrate on the fallout there?)
Now to J.D.'s mom: well, I'd say Virginia'y problem would have been enough. It's too much of the same (story-wise!!! It's awful what happened to J.D.'s mom, and I'm the last person to talk sth. like that down!). It doesn't serve the story, really. Also, there is this thing the author made that feels to me like a big, big mistake: towards the end, J.D.'s dad comes to talk to Noah about something he hasn't told J.D. when he informed him about the reason his mother treats him as she does: he tells Noah a way more detailed (even more awful) version of what happened to J.D.'s mom, and the whole purpose I can see the author did this for is to make me, the reader, even more sympathetic for a mom who beats her son. Thing is: I already felt sorry for her; I'm actually capable of doing both: resenting her beating her innocent son and feeling sorry for her, astonishing, isn't it; so the gory detail felt not only unnecessary but unbelievable: what was J.D.'s dad's motivation to tell this to a stranger (Noah) and take the risk of Noah telling J.D. about it (a thing J.D.’s father says he doesn’t want)? From his words, it's so Noah doesn't think so bad of him and his wife, but really, that seems a bit far-stretched...
So, as a conclusion, this book has great potential (characters, Noah’s reflections, his narrating), but Bart Yates tried to deal with too many irons in the fire and overdid things in the process, thus ruined it a bit for me. And, since this is a major story telling issue, I can’t—sadly—bring myself to give this book 4 stars, although I’d really want to. Argh! So conflicting.
February 16, 2023
This book was so vulnerable.
Well, the book itself wasn't vulnerable, but Noah as a character was so vulnerable that I just wanted to give him a big ol' hug. He was wildly profane and charming and so funny that the plot never felt stagnant. And JD was so awesome. I loved their relationship.
The only *bad* thing about this was that Noah and his mother's relationship - especially the mason jars - didn't feel to me like it was fully explored. There was a lot more that I wanted to learn about and I don't think the author put enough of it to paper.
But I loved it all the same and what an awesome book.
Well, the book itself wasn't vulnerable, but Noah as a character was so vulnerable that I just wanted to give him a big ol' hug. He was wildly profane and charming and so funny that the plot never felt stagnant. And JD was so awesome. I loved their relationship.
The only *bad* thing about this was that Noah and his mother's relationship - especially the mason jars - didn't feel to me like it was fully explored. There was a lot more that I wanted to learn about and I don't think the author put enough of it to paper.
But I loved it all the same and what an awesome book.
August 23, 2017
Part drama, part mystery, part LGBT fiction, Leave Myself Behind is one of those books that really wants to be read in one day. As a reader, though, I wanted to savor it a bit longer, so I paced myself enough to take a couple more days to enjoy it.
And while Noah York, the main character and narrator of the novel, is brash, disrespectful, and incredibly snarky, I found myself liking him a lot and enjoying his commentary.
And while Noah York, the main character and narrator of the novel, is brash, disrespectful, and incredibly snarky, I found myself liking him a lot and enjoying his commentary.
October 5, 2008
Re-Read during the Great Blackout of Aught Eight...
The fact that I re-read this should tell you how much I love it. I NEVER re-read fiction! This book has definitely found its way into my personal "Top 5."
Protagonist Noah tries to hold his life together and finds love--all while his family and home (both literally and figuratively) are crumbling around him. The character of Noah speaks and acts like a real teenager, and handles his newfound attraction to neighbor J.D. in much the same manner. No stylized, overly-precious hyper-aware teenage caricature here!
A quote:
"...true intimacy is really just the run of the mill, day to day stuff that happens without thinking. Thousands of simple, meaningless, comfortable ways you can be close to someone, never dreaming how shitty you'll feel when you wake up one morning with all of it gone."
The fact that I re-read this should tell you how much I love it. I NEVER re-read fiction! This book has definitely found its way into my personal "Top 5."
Protagonist Noah tries to hold his life together and finds love--all while his family and home (both literally and figuratively) are crumbling around him. The character of Noah speaks and acts like a real teenager, and handles his newfound attraction to neighbor J.D. in much the same manner. No stylized, overly-precious hyper-aware teenage caricature here!
A quote:
"...true intimacy is really just the run of the mill, day to day stuff that happens without thinking. Thousands of simple, meaningless, comfortable ways you can be close to someone, never dreaming how shitty you'll feel when you wake up one morning with all of it gone."
September 11, 2010
When Noah’s mother packed up their lives and moved them from Chicago to a rural town in New England, Noah never expected to find love, especially not with the boy from across the street. But J.D. isn’t gay. No sir. He’s got a girlfriend, and they’ve even done it and everything. But since when did that mean anything at all? Noah isn’t stupid, and he’s not so completely blinded by his feelings for J.D. that he can’t see how J.D. feels. Even if J.D. can’t, or wont.
It’s not so easy for J.D., though. At least Noah has a supportive mother who loves him regardless of his sexual orientation. J.D. isn’t so lucky. He has a hard time getting any kind of affection out of his mother at the best of times; imagine how it would be for him if he came out…
How long can you deny your feelings for someone, though? J.D. soon discovers that just being Noah’s friend isn’t enough. One thing leads to another and suddenly the whole town seems to know all their deepest and darkest secrets. And in this particular small American town, homosexuality isn’t looked upon favourably. Noah and J.D. find themselves in all kinds of trouble.
Noah’s voice is raw, fresh, and so very real. He tells it like it is: straight up, no BS. He has a real simplistic way of breaking things down, of looking at the world. If there were more Noah Yorks walking the Earth, society would be a better place for all. While Leave Myself Behind deals with some serious, heartbreaking issues, it manages to do so lightly (for lack of a better word). Noah’s sarcasm and his sense of humour shine a little bit of light on an otherwise devastatingly depressing story. I know Noah and J.D.’s story may ring true for some, but I hope that not too many queer readers can relate to the boys’ experiences in this book. No one should ever have to go through what J.D. and Noah did. Not ever.
But this is more than just a coming out story. This is a story about family, truth, and love – all kinds of love. As J.D. so sadly learns, sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes the world throws so much at you, that not even love can heal the deepest wounds.
Leave Myself Behind comes with a tissue box warning, folks. You’ll cry from laughter, but I’m certain you’ll cry from sadness too. A must read for everyone, everywhere.
It’s not so easy for J.D., though. At least Noah has a supportive mother who loves him regardless of his sexual orientation. J.D. isn’t so lucky. He has a hard time getting any kind of affection out of his mother at the best of times; imagine how it would be for him if he came out…
How long can you deny your feelings for someone, though? J.D. soon discovers that just being Noah’s friend isn’t enough. One thing leads to another and suddenly the whole town seems to know all their deepest and darkest secrets. And in this particular small American town, homosexuality isn’t looked upon favourably. Noah and J.D. find themselves in all kinds of trouble.
Noah’s voice is raw, fresh, and so very real. He tells it like it is: straight up, no BS. He has a real simplistic way of breaking things down, of looking at the world. If there were more Noah Yorks walking the Earth, society would be a better place for all. While Leave Myself Behind deals with some serious, heartbreaking issues, it manages to do so lightly (for lack of a better word). Noah’s sarcasm and his sense of humour shine a little bit of light on an otherwise devastatingly depressing story. I know Noah and J.D.’s story may ring true for some, but I hope that not too many queer readers can relate to the boys’ experiences in this book. No one should ever have to go through what J.D. and Noah did. Not ever.
But this is more than just a coming out story. This is a story about family, truth, and love – all kinds of love. As J.D. so sadly learns, sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes the world throws so much at you, that not even love can heal the deepest wounds.
Leave Myself Behind comes with a tissue box warning, folks. You’ll cry from laughter, but I’m certain you’ll cry from sadness too. A must read for everyone, everywhere.
August 28, 2016
I loved this.
Noah York is an unforgettable character. He's got a very honest and witty way of looking at the world. Also, he's adorable. You can't help but love him from the get-go.
Noah's seventeen and living with his mom, they're trying to find a new balance after his father died unexpectedly. They've just re-located and are remodelling the old house they moved into single-handedly. But the house has a story to tell and secrets to reveal: mason jars with mistifying content pop up all over the house and his mother becomes obsessed with finding out the truth about the previous owner.
Meanwhile Noah has met J.D., the cute boy next door. They become fast friends, but soon Noah feels more than friendship for J.D., who has a girlfriend much to Noah's dismay. As the boys grow closer and become virtually inseparable, Noah finds out that his feelings do not go unrequited. A beautiful, heart-warming first love story enfolds that has the boys dealing with very serious issues such as severe homophobia and the mental break-down of Noah's mother. Their love only grows stronger because of it, which is both moving and endearing.
The writing is fast-paced, original and utterly engaging. It's a page-turner that will win over your heart. It's much more than a coming-out novel and deserves to be read by a wide audience.
Noah York is an unforgettable character. He's got a very honest and witty way of looking at the world. Also, he's adorable. You can't help but love him from the get-go.
Noah's seventeen and living with his mom, they're trying to find a new balance after his father died unexpectedly. They've just re-located and are remodelling the old house they moved into single-handedly. But the house has a story to tell and secrets to reveal: mason jars with mistifying content pop up all over the house and his mother becomes obsessed with finding out the truth about the previous owner.
Meanwhile Noah has met J.D., the cute boy next door. They become fast friends, but soon Noah feels more than friendship for J.D., who has a girlfriend much to Noah's dismay. As the boys grow closer and become virtually inseparable, Noah finds out that his feelings do not go unrequited. A beautiful, heart-warming first love story enfolds that has the boys dealing with very serious issues such as severe homophobia and the mental break-down of Noah's mother. Their love only grows stronger because of it, which is both moving and endearing.
The writing is fast-paced, original and utterly engaging. It's a page-turner that will win over your heart. It's much more than a coming-out novel and deserves to be read by a wide audience.
October 15, 2013
I LOVEDDDDDDD THIS ONE!
I never wanted this to end! This book is definitely one of my favorites now. I accidentally finished it — you know, when there's 20 pages of Reader's Guide at the end of a book and you flip the page and scream, "Nooooooooooooooooo!" because you thought you still had a little bit of a perfect book left? And then I re-read a few of my favorite parts because I really wished it hadn't ended.
Noah and his mom move into a old victorian fixer-upper in a small town in New Hampshire. Noah Immediately meets JD, who is a small-town-overly-nice neighbor about Noah's age, when JD comes ringing their doorbell to say hello. While Noah, his mom, and JD (since he offers to help them) renovate their home, they discover a mason jar in the wall with a poem in it. Noah's mom, who is already a slightly unbalanced woman, becomes very intrigued by the item that was purposely placed in the wall of the house. After finding another mason jar in another wall of the home, Virginia (Noah's mom) becomes obsessive in an unhealthy way with figuring out the mystery of what happened in this home. Meanwhile Noah, who is spending all this time with his new friend JD, starts to develop more than friendly feelings towards his new friend — but they're both straight...right?
Noah is dealing with the possibly that he may be gay, even though he had never thought about it before, and his mother is becoming unhinged. Major secrets lay hidden in the walls of their new home, and major secrets are about to unfold in all of these characters' lives as well.
Noah is a an extremely funny, honest, and very REAL character. JD is about the sweetest character there is. Virginia, Noah's mother, is crazy and wonderful at the same time. All of the other characters were so very real, and I became very emotionally invested in this novel. JD's parents made me angry and sick, yet I also felt pity for his dad. Everyone, even smaller characters that I didn't mention, pulled some kind of strong emotion from me at some point of this story.
It had magic (that I hadn't felt since I read Jellicoe Road) in the mystery of the hidden pieces in the walls and what had happened to these people, it was an extremely witty story, and it had the GREAT emotional depth of a character that finds his true self and falls in love.
This book is GLBT, and it is descriptive at times. I felt it was honest and I loved every word. This is definitely a book I will re-read again sometime. I'm still sad that it's over. 100% LOVED LOVED LOVED every bit!
This is a pretty short review for me, but I don't think there are many other ways that I can say that I loved it and that it was perfect — period.
I never wanted this to end! This book is definitely one of my favorites now. I accidentally finished it — you know, when there's 20 pages of Reader's Guide at the end of a book and you flip the page and scream, "Nooooooooooooooooo!" because you thought you still had a little bit of a perfect book left? And then I re-read a few of my favorite parts because I really wished it hadn't ended.
Noah and his mom move into a old victorian fixer-upper in a small town in New Hampshire. Noah Immediately meets JD, who is a small-town-overly-nice neighbor about Noah's age, when JD comes ringing their doorbell to say hello. While Noah, his mom, and JD (since he offers to help them) renovate their home, they discover a mason jar in the wall with a poem in it. Noah's mom, who is already a slightly unbalanced woman, becomes very intrigued by the item that was purposely placed in the wall of the house. After finding another mason jar in another wall of the home, Virginia (Noah's mom) becomes obsessive in an unhealthy way with figuring out the mystery of what happened in this home. Meanwhile Noah, who is spending all this time with his new friend JD, starts to develop more than friendly feelings towards his new friend — but they're both straight...right?
Noah is dealing with the possibly that he may be gay, even though he had never thought about it before, and his mother is becoming unhinged. Major secrets lay hidden in the walls of their new home, and major secrets are about to unfold in all of these characters' lives as well.
Noah is a an extremely funny, honest, and very REAL character. JD is about the sweetest character there is. Virginia, Noah's mother, is crazy and wonderful at the same time. All of the other characters were so very real, and I became very emotionally invested in this novel. JD's parents made me angry and sick, yet I also felt pity for his dad. Everyone, even smaller characters that I didn't mention, pulled some kind of strong emotion from me at some point of this story.
It had magic (that I hadn't felt since I read Jellicoe Road) in the mystery of the hidden pieces in the walls and what had happened to these people, it was an extremely witty story, and it had the GREAT emotional depth of a character that finds his true self and falls in love.
This book is GLBT, and it is descriptive at times. I felt it was honest and I loved every word. This is definitely a book I will re-read again sometime. I'm still sad that it's over. 100% LOVED LOVED LOVED every bit!
This is a pretty short review for me, but I don't think there are many other ways that I can say that I loved it and that it was perfect — period.
April 21, 2021
I am a bit stunned at this book's 4-star rating here on Goodreads. In fairness, having just finished Dancer From The Dance by Andrew Holleran, an absolute icon of an LGBT read, I knew any book that comes next would be following a tough act. I found the voice of the characters to be unconvincing from the first few pages but decided I'd best keep an open mind and continue reading. Unfortunately, I found it to get worse as I read. Bart Yates does not allow you to read between the lines or figure anything out for yourself - he *tells* it to you. I found the characters inconsistent and unrealistic, as well as many of the situations the characters find themselves in, and the conversations they have. A lot of the text feels like filler, or rambling musings by the main voice that don't reveal him any further. Even more frustrating is that the voice of the main narrator himself consistently points out the most unrealistic aspects of the writing. "Jesus, we're a couple. Just like that. Life is strange." "...just like normal high school kids. Weird." "...but God forbid we do anything normal people would do in this situation."
I became curious who the book is trying to speak to - I couldn't figure out what age group this book was intended for. It read like young adult fiction, but more graphic. It's filled with commentary but it's apolitical and has few original observations about gay life or coming-of-age. I continued reading toward the end, wondering if there was something the author was withholding that would tie the storylines together or make for an eloquent conclusion. Unfortunately, the book putters out - the increasingly unbelievable plotline takes the reader through a very unrealistic portrayal of a mental health crisis and its treatment and then an oddly gratuitous retelling of a rape scenario. And then it just ends. I was certain there were 30 pages missing from the end of my copy. But it's probably for the better, because I'm just not buying what Mr. Yates is trying to sell in these pages.
I became curious who the book is trying to speak to - I couldn't figure out what age group this book was intended for. It read like young adult fiction, but more graphic. It's filled with commentary but it's apolitical and has few original observations about gay life or coming-of-age. I continued reading toward the end, wondering if there was something the author was withholding that would tie the storylines together or make for an eloquent conclusion. Unfortunately, the book putters out - the increasingly unbelievable plotline takes the reader through a very unrealistic portrayal of a mental health crisis and its treatment and then an oddly gratuitous retelling of a rape scenario. And then it just ends. I was certain there were 30 pages missing from the end of my copy. But it's probably for the better, because I'm just not buying what Mr. Yates is trying to sell in these pages.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 23, 2015
За эту книгу я не бралась очень долго, и не зря. Это вовсе не слэш, и даже не гей проза. Это - литература. И сюрприз из сюрпризов, но мне очень понравилось!
Нет, не подумайте, что это первый образчик худ.лит-ры, с которым я познакомилась)) У меня, всё же, есть диплом лингвиста и сотни (если не тысячи) прочитанных книг за плечами, начиная с Иллиады Гомера! :D
Просто я зареклась читать назидательную прозу. Нонконформизм в чистом виде, ага... Однако здесь все настолько искренне, настолько честно, что невозможно не полюбить героя со всеми его достоинствами и недостатками. Ненавязчиво и с присущей молодым людям прямолинейностью здесь затрагиваются важные жизненные темы, показана человеческая суть без прекрас.
Замечательно, что тут еще скажешь.
Нет, не подумайте, что это первый образчик худ.лит-ры, с которым я познакомилась)) У меня, всё же, есть диплом лингвиста и сотни (если не тысячи) прочитанных книг за плечами, начиная с Иллиады Гомера! :D
Просто я зареклась читать назидательную прозу. Нонконформизм в чистом виде, ага... Однако здесь все настолько искренне, настолько честно, что невозможно не полюбить героя со всеми его достоинствами и недостатками. Ненавязчиво и с присущей молодым людям прямолинейностью здесь затрагиваются важные жизненные темы, показана человеческая суть без прекрас.
Замечательно, что тут еще скажешь.
August 21, 2011
4.75 rounded up
Since this is the author's first book, I'm not surprised it isn't as tightly constructed and powerful as The Brothers Bishop. Still, it's a lovely read.
I do wish more time had been spent on the central relationship. The dramas that surrounded it, although fascinating at first, became distracting, and ultimately didn't add much to my understanding of the main characters or to their understanding of themselves and each other.
Nevertheless, I'm eagerly looking forward to the author's future work. Yates's gay-themed fiction has become an auto-buy for me.
Since this is the author's first book, I'm not surprised it isn't as tightly constructed and powerful as The Brothers Bishop. Still, it's a lovely read.
I do wish more time had been spent on the central relationship. The dramas that surrounded it, although fascinating at first, became distracting, and ultimately didn't add much to my understanding of the main characters or to their understanding of themselves and each other.
Nevertheless, I'm eagerly looking forward to the author's future work. Yates's gay-themed fiction has become an auto-buy for me.
February 24, 2016
3.5 stars
I was conflicted about this book but in the end the good was more than the bad for me. It’s just … I wish there weren’t so many things thrown into these 240 pages. I thought the characters were drawn amazingly - they leapt out of the pages and would’ve done so without the dark past revelations or the violence.
December 1, 2020
Nayeli - per RFS
.
Ho trovato sublime la cifra stilistica di Bart Yates. Una narrazione particolare in prima persona, capace di assumere l’ironia pungente del protagonista diciassettenne, infastidito dal mondo e con un rapporto complicato con la madre, appassionato di poesia e molto intelligente. Siamo nella sua testa, quindi non c’è vergogna nell’essere scurrile,
politicamente scorretto, diretto, provocatorio.
*
Odiavo Chicago. È sporca e rumorosa, piena di gente che non capisce niente di musica.
Mia madre pensa che io sia uno snob, ma lei ha un pessimo orecchio per tutto tranne che
per le parole, le piace addirittura il rap. I testi dei rapper non mi danno troppo fastidio
(come può non piacere qualcosa in cui c’è una parolaccia una parola sì e una no?), ma la
musica è noiosa e ripetitiva ed è come avere un bambino che ti tira per la manica urlando
“guardami, guardami, guardami”. Mi fa diventare matto.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
La sua voce interiore è molto pronunciata, esce dalle solite metafore, dai cliché, dalle frasi fatte. Il suo modo di accorgersi che è gay è “anti-romantico”, anti-canonico, ha ben poco diun romanzo rosa. Questo però non significa che sia un racconto freddo. Noah non è un sognatore, vive questa sua scoperta coi fatti: si accorge che gli piace un corpo maschile, prova a toccarlo, sperimenta.
*
Sposto la mano sulla sua clavicola. J.D. resta immobile per un secondo poi alza una
mano e mi sfiora la guancia facendomi scorrere gentilmente le nocche lungo la mascella.
Deglutisce forte e la sua mano si abbassa per toccarmi i tendini del collo. Mi avvicino a
lui e allora comincia a sfiorarmi il petto, le costole e alla fine i capezzoli, uno alla volta.
Quando torna a guardarmi in faccia si sta mordendo un labbro come se stesse cercando
di non piangere.
Lo prendo fra le braccia e ci stringiamo l’uno all’altro.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
E, in seguito, vive sulla sua pelle e su quella del suo amico la discriminazione, i pregiudizi, la perdita degli amici. E non può neppure contare sulla madre, che sta passando un gran brutto momento a causa di un lutto e ha un carattere decisamente particolare: è una donna creativa e di larghe vedute, ma poco affettiva e incapace di riempire quel vuoto intimo lasciato da suo padre quando è morto. Noah è un ragazzo solo.
*
Forse l’intimità fisica non ha sempre a che fare con l’essere toccati. Forse vuol dire anche essere capaci di sedersi accanto a qualcuno a cena senza arrabbiarsi se ti ruba cose dal piatto o se allunga la mano davanti a te per prendere il sale. […]
Ecco. Immagino che la vera intimità sia una cosa molto banale, roba giornaliera che
succede senza nemmeno pensarci, migliaia di modi semplici, senza senso e confortevoli in
cui si può essere vicini a qualcuno, senza mai sognare quanto starai di merda quando ti
sveglierai una mattina rendendoti conto di non avere più nulla.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
È doveroso premettere che il libro è in attesa di un sequel: il finale aperto chiude le vicende in modo soddisfacente, lasciandoci però insoddisfatti sul lato romance, senza un lieto fine e un punto fermo. Del resto, a mio avviso non si tratta di un vero e proprio romance, arrivando a concentrarsi molto su vicende tra l’horror e il crime psicologico.
La storia tra i due ragazzi ha toni delicati, adolescenziali, ed è trattata in modo quasi distaccato, con uno stile maschile. I momenti intimi tra loro non sono tantissimi mentre sono ben presenti le difficoltà nell’accettazione della loro identità.
*
Mi guarda dritto negli occhi per la prima volta da quando ci siamo seduti. «Ho capito che preferisco stare con te piuttosto che con lei.» La sua voce si trasforma in un sussurro. «Preferisco stare con te piuttosto che con chiunque altro.» Le parole cominciano a uscire a valanga. «Da quando noi… be’, lo sai, non riesco a pensare ad altro che a te. Lo so che è strano ma volevo morire oggi pomeriggio quando te ne sei andato. Mi sento stupido a dire queste cose a un altro ragazzo, ma non posso farne a meno.»
(Tratto dal libro)
*
La seconda parte del romanzo si concentra su un secondo filone predominante: la scoperta di resti che sembrano nascondere una vicenda truce e violenta nella loro nuova casa. La madre di Noah, emotivamente poco stabile, viene destabilizzata da questo e inizia a seguire le briciole diventandone sempre più ossessionata.
L’amore, la passione, la discriminazione e tutte queste tematiche passano quindi in secondo piano, rimangono in sottofondo, vengono via via intrecciate fino a essere assorbite dalla trama principale che si sviluppa riportando alla luce una serie di fatti passati sia rimasti segreti nella casa, sia nascosti nella storia dei protagonisti.
*
Durante il viaggio di ritorno mi addormento guardando le sue mani sul volante e immagino di allungare una mano per toccarle, di tracciargli le vene sugli avambracci con le dita e appoggiargli la testa in grembo.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
Come ho già scritto, concludendo, mi è piaciuto moltissimo lo stile che ha fatto propria la voce di Noah. Le caratterizzazioni poi sono portentose, tutti i personaggi lasciano il segno. Inoltre, l’aspetto crime detta un ritmo rapido e pieno di aspettativa, invogliandoci a girare continuamente le pagine.
.
Ho trovato sublime la cifra stilistica di Bart Yates. Una narrazione particolare in prima persona, capace di assumere l’ironia pungente del protagonista diciassettenne, infastidito dal mondo e con un rapporto complicato con la madre, appassionato di poesia e molto intelligente. Siamo nella sua testa, quindi non c’è vergogna nell’essere scurrile,
politicamente scorretto, diretto, provocatorio.
*
Odiavo Chicago. È sporca e rumorosa, piena di gente che non capisce niente di musica.
Mia madre pensa che io sia uno snob, ma lei ha un pessimo orecchio per tutto tranne che
per le parole, le piace addirittura il rap. I testi dei rapper non mi danno troppo fastidio
(come può non piacere qualcosa in cui c’è una parolaccia una parola sì e una no?), ma la
musica è noiosa e ripetitiva ed è come avere un bambino che ti tira per la manica urlando
“guardami, guardami, guardami”. Mi fa diventare matto.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
La sua voce interiore è molto pronunciata, esce dalle solite metafore, dai cliché, dalle frasi fatte. Il suo modo di accorgersi che è gay è “anti-romantico”, anti-canonico, ha ben poco diun romanzo rosa. Questo però non significa che sia un racconto freddo. Noah non è un sognatore, vive questa sua scoperta coi fatti: si accorge che gli piace un corpo maschile, prova a toccarlo, sperimenta.
*
Sposto la mano sulla sua clavicola. J.D. resta immobile per un secondo poi alza una
mano e mi sfiora la guancia facendomi scorrere gentilmente le nocche lungo la mascella.
Deglutisce forte e la sua mano si abbassa per toccarmi i tendini del collo. Mi avvicino a
lui e allora comincia a sfiorarmi il petto, le costole e alla fine i capezzoli, uno alla volta.
Quando torna a guardarmi in faccia si sta mordendo un labbro come se stesse cercando
di non piangere.
Lo prendo fra le braccia e ci stringiamo l’uno all’altro.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
E, in seguito, vive sulla sua pelle e su quella del suo amico la discriminazione, i pregiudizi, la perdita degli amici. E non può neppure contare sulla madre, che sta passando un gran brutto momento a causa di un lutto e ha un carattere decisamente particolare: è una donna creativa e di larghe vedute, ma poco affettiva e incapace di riempire quel vuoto intimo lasciato da suo padre quando è morto. Noah è un ragazzo solo.
*
Forse l’intimità fisica non ha sempre a che fare con l’essere toccati. Forse vuol dire anche essere capaci di sedersi accanto a qualcuno a cena senza arrabbiarsi se ti ruba cose dal piatto o se allunga la mano davanti a te per prendere il sale. […]
Ecco. Immagino che la vera intimità sia una cosa molto banale, roba giornaliera che
succede senza nemmeno pensarci, migliaia di modi semplici, senza senso e confortevoli in
cui si può essere vicini a qualcuno, senza mai sognare quanto starai di merda quando ti
sveglierai una mattina rendendoti conto di non avere più nulla.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
È doveroso premettere che il libro è in attesa di un sequel: il finale aperto chiude le vicende in modo soddisfacente, lasciandoci però insoddisfatti sul lato romance, senza un lieto fine e un punto fermo. Del resto, a mio avviso non si tratta di un vero e proprio romance, arrivando a concentrarsi molto su vicende tra l’horror e il crime psicologico.
La storia tra i due ragazzi ha toni delicati, adolescenziali, ed è trattata in modo quasi distaccato, con uno stile maschile. I momenti intimi tra loro non sono tantissimi mentre sono ben presenti le difficoltà nell’accettazione della loro identità.
*
Mi guarda dritto negli occhi per la prima volta da quando ci siamo seduti. «Ho capito che preferisco stare con te piuttosto che con lei.» La sua voce si trasforma in un sussurro. «Preferisco stare con te piuttosto che con chiunque altro.» Le parole cominciano a uscire a valanga. «Da quando noi… be’, lo sai, non riesco a pensare ad altro che a te. Lo so che è strano ma volevo morire oggi pomeriggio quando te ne sei andato. Mi sento stupido a dire queste cose a un altro ragazzo, ma non posso farne a meno.»
(Tratto dal libro)
*
La seconda parte del romanzo si concentra su un secondo filone predominante: la scoperta di resti che sembrano nascondere una vicenda truce e violenta nella loro nuova casa. La madre di Noah, emotivamente poco stabile, viene destabilizzata da questo e inizia a seguire le briciole diventandone sempre più ossessionata.
L’amore, la passione, la discriminazione e tutte queste tematiche passano quindi in secondo piano, rimangono in sottofondo, vengono via via intrecciate fino a essere assorbite dalla trama principale che si sviluppa riportando alla luce una serie di fatti passati sia rimasti segreti nella casa, sia nascosti nella storia dei protagonisti.
*
Durante il viaggio di ritorno mi addormento guardando le sue mani sul volante e immagino di allungare una mano per toccarle, di tracciargli le vene sugli avambracci con le dita e appoggiargli la testa in grembo.
(Tratto dal libro)
*
Come ho già scritto, concludendo, mi è piaciuto moltissimo lo stile che ha fatto propria la voce di Noah. Le caratterizzazioni poi sono portentose, tutti i personaggi lasciano il segno. Inoltre, l’aspetto crime detta un ritmo rapido e pieno di aspettativa, invogliandoci a girare continuamente le pagine.
October 30, 2010
Yates' debut novel tells the story of a 17-year-old named Noah York, who moves into a small town in New Hampshire, discovers his sexuality and unravels a mystery that influences his mother's past. There are plenty of twists and turns in the plot - I'm afraid I can't really say much about it here because the whole story is complex and multi-layered, so you'll just have to take my word for this (unless you decide to read it yourself).
It's very captivating, though. It's one of those stories that once you read it, you won't be able to stop. There's a surprisingly high element of mystery in it, which makes for one very morbid twist near the end, but the mystery will definitely keep you interested. There's also plenty of poetry included in it (the main character's mother is a poet after all) so there are many things that can keep the readers glued to the book.
The story's in a first person point of view. I'm usually iffy about that, but Noah's voice as the narrator is very engaging. And when I say engaging, I really mean it. The main reason why a reader would get sucked into and stay with the story is because of Noah's 'voice'. He's the kind of character who will probably get on your nerves if you meet him in real life - I know he would grate on mine - but would be someone very interesting to meet and get to know.
Noah's thoughts are disorganized so his narration can be completely disjointed. He would be talking about one thing (for example, the situation he was currently in) and segues out of nowhere to an account of his childhood with his dad. He would end this narration by saying, "I don't know why it seems important to tell you this". But that's not sloppy writing from Yates, in my opinion. In fact, that's what makes the book so interesting! It's a testament to how good Yates is at giving his character a believable personality. Noah is a teenager with a youthful mind who makes no pretense of being a genius. And while he may not be a genius, he's definitely not superficial either. He just feels REAL. That, I think, is the reason why I was able to become completely immersed in the story.
On the other hand, the fact that Noah's thoughts and feelings are extremely significant - therefore, dominant - throughout the story might also be the reason for the one and only criticism I have for this book. His voice is so strong that the other characters come across as one-dimensional. The two major supporting characters are his mother Virginia and his boyfriend J. D., both of whom are central to his life, and the readers, of course, find out their stories and personalities through Noah as he talks at length about these two people, but despite their major roles, I feel that I don't really know anything about them in the end. I don't know what makes them tick - I can't even imagine such things. Their traits, physical appearances, hobbies and personalities are laid out in the story, but I still feel like they're strangers to me. Whereas Noah... he's become someone who's terribly familiar to me after finishing this book.
I don't know whether this is intentional or not, but it does seem as if Yates, in making Noah a unique character, neglects to develop the others. This is admittedly not a fatal flaw - it's probably just me, as a reader, simply curious and wanting to know more about the other characters besides Noah.
Leave Myself Behind seems to be a hard book to categorize. it features a gay youth, same-sex love scenes, and even issues related to the difficulties of coming out to society in the US. But is it gay fiction? Or is it mainstream fiction? That's the question many readers and reviewers, including critics, seem to ask. My opinion on this issue is this - for once, I think I'm going to go with mainstream fiction.
Although the character is gay, the point of the story isn't about gay relationships. It's about family dynamics and the process of growing up. Even compared to Andre Aciman's Call My By Your Name, a similar story about a young boy who is coming of age and discovering his sexuality, this one has a wider range of issues to deal with. It also isn't a love story, which is what Call Me By Your Name is. I've read enough gay novels to know if one IS NOT a gay novel. So, yes, I would say Leave Myself Behind should be categorized as mainstream fiction and marketed as thus.
Since we're on the subject, if you ask me, which book is better - Call Me By Your Name or this one - I wouldn't be able to choose. I will settle for saying that these two books are like apples and oranges. They're very much different that any comparison beyond the sexuality of their lead male characters would seem ridiculous. Aciman's novel is adorable because of its poetic language, but Yates' writing is edgy and gritty. So it's a matter of taste - you pick one which one is more to your liking - but both books are equally good.
Having said that, this book does get compared to another work of literature... something even 'bigger' than Aciman's work. It gets compared a lot to J. D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye and the character Noah to Holden Caufield. That, I think, is an astonishing achievement, simply because Salinger's work is so famous and is considered classic. Having never Catcher..., however, I can't really say how true this comparison is... all I can say is that it is perhaps worthy and well-deserved. This isn't a shallow novel, after all; it's a realistic coming-of-age story that is very well-written and enjoyable.
As far as debut novel goes, this one deserves an applause. It's not a mistake this book won the Alex Award by the American Library Association, or any other awards it might have won... Bart Yates is definitely one author to look out for. He has two other books published as well, The Brothers Bishop and The Distance Between us .
I've already read Brothers Bishop, which is a novel so full of angst and no happy ending that depressed me so much after I read it I felt suffocated. It still managed to mesmerize me, though - talk about powerful writing. That's why, despite the agonizing angst of Yates' second novel, I'm still planning to buy the third title from Yates. I've simply come to love his writing and style. Leave Myself Behind, however, remains the best out of the two I've read and I highly recommend this to anyone who's looking for a good book to read.
It's very captivating, though. It's one of those stories that once you read it, you won't be able to stop. There's a surprisingly high element of mystery in it, which makes for one very morbid twist near the end, but the mystery will definitely keep you interested. There's also plenty of poetry included in it (the main character's mother is a poet after all) so there are many things that can keep the readers glued to the book.
The story's in a first person point of view. I'm usually iffy about that, but Noah's voice as the narrator is very engaging. And when I say engaging, I really mean it. The main reason why a reader would get sucked into and stay with the story is because of Noah's 'voice'. He's the kind of character who will probably get on your nerves if you meet him in real life - I know he would grate on mine - but would be someone very interesting to meet and get to know.
Noah's thoughts are disorganized so his narration can be completely disjointed. He would be talking about one thing (for example, the situation he was currently in) and segues out of nowhere to an account of his childhood with his dad. He would end this narration by saying, "I don't know why it seems important to tell you this". But that's not sloppy writing from Yates, in my opinion. In fact, that's what makes the book so interesting! It's a testament to how good Yates is at giving his character a believable personality. Noah is a teenager with a youthful mind who makes no pretense of being a genius. And while he may not be a genius, he's definitely not superficial either. He just feels REAL. That, I think, is the reason why I was able to become completely immersed in the story.
On the other hand, the fact that Noah's thoughts and feelings are extremely significant - therefore, dominant - throughout the story might also be the reason for the one and only criticism I have for this book. His voice is so strong that the other characters come across as one-dimensional. The two major supporting characters are his mother Virginia and his boyfriend J. D., both of whom are central to his life, and the readers, of course, find out their stories and personalities through Noah as he talks at length about these two people, but despite their major roles, I feel that I don't really know anything about them in the end. I don't know what makes them tick - I can't even imagine such things. Their traits, physical appearances, hobbies and personalities are laid out in the story, but I still feel like they're strangers to me. Whereas Noah... he's become someone who's terribly familiar to me after finishing this book.
I don't know whether this is intentional or not, but it does seem as if Yates, in making Noah a unique character, neglects to develop the others. This is admittedly not a fatal flaw - it's probably just me, as a reader, simply curious and wanting to know more about the other characters besides Noah.
Leave Myself Behind seems to be a hard book to categorize. it features a gay youth, same-sex love scenes, and even issues related to the difficulties of coming out to society in the US. But is it gay fiction? Or is it mainstream fiction? That's the question many readers and reviewers, including critics, seem to ask. My opinion on this issue is this - for once, I think I'm going to go with mainstream fiction.
Although the character is gay, the point of the story isn't about gay relationships. It's about family dynamics and the process of growing up. Even compared to Andre Aciman's Call My By Your Name, a similar story about a young boy who is coming of age and discovering his sexuality, this one has a wider range of issues to deal with. It also isn't a love story, which is what Call Me By Your Name is. I've read enough gay novels to know if one IS NOT a gay novel. So, yes, I would say Leave Myself Behind should be categorized as mainstream fiction and marketed as thus.
Since we're on the subject, if you ask me, which book is better - Call Me By Your Name or this one - I wouldn't be able to choose. I will settle for saying that these two books are like apples and oranges. They're very much different that any comparison beyond the sexuality of their lead male characters would seem ridiculous. Aciman's novel is adorable because of its poetic language, but Yates' writing is edgy and gritty. So it's a matter of taste - you pick one which one is more to your liking - but both books are equally good.
Having said that, this book does get compared to another work of literature... something even 'bigger' than Aciman's work. It gets compared a lot to J. D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye and the character Noah to Holden Caufield. That, I think, is an astonishing achievement, simply because Salinger's work is so famous and is considered classic. Having never Catcher..., however, I can't really say how true this comparison is... all I can say is that it is perhaps worthy and well-deserved. This isn't a shallow novel, after all; it's a realistic coming-of-age story that is very well-written and enjoyable.
As far as debut novel goes, this one deserves an applause. It's not a mistake this book won the Alex Award by the American Library Association, or any other awards it might have won... Bart Yates is definitely one author to look out for. He has two other books published as well, The Brothers Bishop and The Distance Between us .
I've already read Brothers Bishop, which is a novel so full of angst and no happy ending that depressed me so much after I read it I felt suffocated. It still managed to mesmerize me, though - talk about powerful writing. That's why, despite the agonizing angst of Yates' second novel, I'm still planning to buy the third title from Yates. I've simply come to love his writing and style. Leave Myself Behind, however, remains the best out of the two I've read and I highly recommend this to anyone who's looking for a good book to read.
July 21, 2018
This keeps happening. I dig up a new book and hope that maybe this time things will be different, and for a short while they are, but then some horrorshow (usually in the form of gratuitous non-con) hits, and I'm left asking myself I've spent time on the book at all.
This is another classic example. When I realized that the novel focused more on Noah's relationship with his Mom than on the love story, I was pleased, because this is actuallya new experience for me when reading LGBT novels. Not only does Virginia have a personality but she's also supportive and clearly loves her son no matter what, even when they're being difficult with each other (which is a lot of the time). I loved Virginia precisely because she was complex and not altogether a good person. As a mother, she had her faults, but at the same time she made an effort. Then there was Noah's Dad. You'd half-expect him to be a jerk because the rule of thumb says at least one parent must be - but no! Another lovely surprise: Noah's parents both loved him and had a complicated but loving marriage. I found the description of how Noah and Virginia were dealing with their grief realistic and compelling: their inability to have a proper serious conversation with each other, their feeling of having lost some kind of a link between them when the father died...
Unfortunately, this was pretty much the only thing I truly enjoyed in this novel. The love story was rushed and the timing was sometimes incredibly absurd (Noah, who's barely had any sex in his life, goes on and gives J.D. a blowjob shortly after spouting a long diatribe to the reader about how inconvenient it'd be for him if he turned out gay after all; doubly absurd is that when J.D. later tells him pretty much the same thing, not in so many words, Noah acts offended). There are of course obligatory bullies (to whom, of course, nothing happens, retaliation-wise, after they beat the boys up so severely than Noah almost loses an eye!) and a bitchy religious ex-girlfriend who blames Noah for "turning" J.D. gay (yes, I do know these people exist, way more of them than there should be, but they all come off as the same person when they end up in novels - less a person, more of an amorphous cliched evil intended to show how much the world sucks). There is also J.D.'s horrible family (because we already have one supportive Mom, no need for more) and even a cliched gay guy, on whom the whole school picks and who serves as a foreshadowing of what would happen to Noah and J.D. if they're discovered (they are of course discovered because God forbid, gay characters had to face challenges unrelated to their sexuality). Okay, I'm being a bit unfair on that last point because, like I said before, the bulk of the book is still about Noah and his Mom, but as far as the love story itself goes, it seems subject exclusively to external pressure and none of the internal one that couples might feel IRL.
As a narrator, Noah isn't bad actually. He has the tendency to go off on a tangent about this or that thing, but I've enjoyed most of his observations. The ones that resonated most were on sexual attraction (why this person and not another?) and how sex drives people nuts (so true). I also found myself relating to him in his horrible situation of being unable to find an immediate cure-all for his loved ones' problems and feeling lonely and helpless because of it.
I could have overlooked the pacing problems and certain predictability of the secondary characters, if not for the heaps and heaps and HEAPS of gratuitous past horrors! Not one but two characters get horrific rape as a backstory, and while it's an interesting parallel (neither fully gets over it, but one allows her past to influence her present and the other gets better), I wouldn't say it adds anything to the book, considering all the unresolved questions left on the matter. Donna's case was especially horrific. Did we need so many details? Imho rape is rape, whether it was done with or without cruelty; it's already a trauma in itself, and honestly, the added horrors of how it "really" happened still do not excuse Donna's behaviour in the present, but they sure do make the reader want to put down the book. The way I see Donna's character, she serves to show that some damage is irreparable but, while her past is not her fault, her present is, and I'm irrationally annoyed that nothing was done about by any of the characters!
In the end, I just felt emotionally drained. Yes, the ending was relatively upbeat, but the journey towards it seemed convoluted, sprawling and largely pointless. The murder mystery added nothing to the plot. As a catalyst of Virginia confronting her demons, it did a relatively good job, but the story itself was not only boring, but also disgusting. Because clearly what we needed was another asshole guy treating a woman like shit in this novel and getting away with it. All of the three main assholes got away with it!
The verdict remains: I'm disappointed. Again. Obviously I'm glad that we're getting more and more LGBT books where one or both main LGBT character don't die tragically, but it would also be nice to get a book where the progression of people's relationships wasn't rushed because of all the assholes around. YMMV.
This is another classic example. When I realized that the novel focused more on Noah's relationship with his Mom than on the love story, I was pleased, because this is actuallya new experience for me when reading LGBT novels. Not only does Virginia have a personality but she's also supportive and clearly loves her son no matter what, even when they're being difficult with each other (which is a lot of the time). I loved Virginia precisely because she was complex and not altogether a good person. As a mother, she had her faults, but at the same time she made an effort. Then there was Noah's Dad. You'd half-expect him to be a jerk because the rule of thumb says at least one parent must be - but no! Another lovely surprise: Noah's parents both loved him and had a complicated but loving marriage. I found the description of how Noah and Virginia were dealing with their grief realistic and compelling: their inability to have a proper serious conversation with each other, their feeling of having lost some kind of a link between them when the father died...
Unfortunately, this was pretty much the only thing I truly enjoyed in this novel. The love story was rushed and the timing was sometimes incredibly absurd (Noah, who's barely had any sex in his life, goes on and gives J.D. a blowjob shortly after spouting a long diatribe to the reader about how inconvenient it'd be for him if he turned out gay after all; doubly absurd is that when J.D. later tells him pretty much the same thing, not in so many words, Noah acts offended). There are of course obligatory bullies (to whom, of course, nothing happens, retaliation-wise, after they beat the boys up so severely than Noah almost loses an eye!) and a bitchy religious ex-girlfriend who blames Noah for "turning" J.D. gay (yes, I do know these people exist, way more of them than there should be, but they all come off as the same person when they end up in novels - less a person, more of an amorphous cliched evil intended to show how much the world sucks). There is also J.D.'s horrible family (because we already have one supportive Mom, no need for more) and even a cliched gay guy, on whom the whole school picks and who serves as a foreshadowing of what would happen to Noah and J.D. if they're discovered (they are of course discovered because God forbid, gay characters had to face challenges unrelated to their sexuality). Okay, I'm being a bit unfair on that last point because, like I said before, the bulk of the book is still about Noah and his Mom, but as far as the love story itself goes, it seems subject exclusively to external pressure and none of the internal one that couples might feel IRL.
As a narrator, Noah isn't bad actually. He has the tendency to go off on a tangent about this or that thing, but I've enjoyed most of his observations. The ones that resonated most were on sexual attraction (why this person and not another?) and how sex drives people nuts (so true). I also found myself relating to him in his horrible situation of being unable to find an immediate cure-all for his loved ones' problems and feeling lonely and helpless because of it.
I could have overlooked the pacing problems and certain predictability of the secondary characters, if not for the heaps and heaps and HEAPS of gratuitous past horrors! Not one but two characters get horrific rape as a backstory, and while it's an interesting parallel (neither fully gets over it, but one allows her past to influence her present and the other gets better), I wouldn't say it adds anything to the book, considering all the unresolved questions left on the matter. Donna's case was especially horrific. Did we need so many details? Imho rape is rape, whether it was done with or without cruelty; it's already a trauma in itself, and honestly, the added horrors of how it "really" happened still do not excuse Donna's behaviour in the present, but they sure do make the reader want to put down the book. The way I see Donna's character, she serves to show that some damage is irreparable but, while her past is not her fault, her present is, and I'm irrationally annoyed that nothing was done about by any of the characters!
In the end, I just felt emotionally drained. Yes, the ending was relatively upbeat, but the journey towards it seemed convoluted, sprawling and largely pointless. The murder mystery added nothing to the plot. As a catalyst of Virginia confronting her demons, it did a relatively good job, but the story itself was not only boring, but also disgusting. Because clearly what we needed was another asshole guy treating a woman like shit in this novel and getting away with it. All of the three main assholes got away with it!
The verdict remains: I'm disappointed. Again. Obviously I'm glad that we're getting more and more LGBT books where one or both main LGBT character don't die tragically, but it would also be nice to get a book where the progression of people's relationships wasn't rushed because of all the assholes around. YMMV.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 3, 2020
3.5 🌟🌟🌟✨
January 29, 2014
I loved this book. It was pure fate and luck that I happened upon it in my school library and decided to take it. It was hidden on a bottom shelf and with the light coloring of the cover I almost missed it. I think it was the title the cause me to grab it. Usually I'm not a big fan of the self discovery type of books but some how that day the title, Leave Myself Behind, appealed to me.
One word to describe this book would be raw. It is dirty, earthy, and grounded. Curses are sprinkled in it giving it character and the educated quirkiness of the main character drew me in. How often does one find a main character in a fiction book that makes references to Neitzche and other various philosophers, thinkers, and writers. It is just so relate-able to the average high school student. So many high school romance books dumb down the characters to greatly wanting love and magically having great gpas and test scores; However, that intelligence shown in that magical gpa is never demonstrated fully in the character.
The substance of this book was also very interesting. It was a romance, yet it wasn't completely targeted at the lovey-doviness of it all. It more of a journey with romance that just happened to be equally entwined in the plot. The romance in the novel was a homosexual one, but I don't think that part is needed to be emphasized. A good romance shouldn't matter whether the love is homosexual, heterosexual, etc. but by the fact that it was more of a process where it all happened naturally.
I absolutely fell in love with the main character, Noah. I already remarked that he is very educated and relate-able to the average student. His education is shown very clearly in his character and his intelligence is very appealing. Noah's colorful language is just beautiful. I tell you, its very rare these days to find a teenager who doesn't curse at least mentally. His honesty in the expressal of his feelings is so straight forward the reader gets hit with his ever emotion and thought.
Noah is also not a weak character; He has a pretty solid backbone. He knows love when he sees it, yet he won't let it rule him- to bend him. In the story after J.D. and Noah finally discover that yes, the love each other, they face the dilemma of J.D.'s girlfriend. J.D. wanted desperately to keep their relationship a secret and keep is girlfriend. Noah would have none of it. He very blatantly states: Yes, I do love you but you can't keep me in the shadows J.D.. Make your choice. This standing of his ground is just something that we rarely see these days in high school romances. High schoolers are usually portrayed as so desperate at seeking love they would stoop to any level. This standing gives a larger perspective the character of an average teenagers. We aren't all sad little people living for our moment of finding affection.
The only iffy part of this book was the fact that everyone was raped: Noah's mother, J.D.'s mother, Nancy. Seriously? That is a lot of assault going on in one novel. I understand that that author was trying to get a point across to connect all the stories together but this felt like a little much. It definitely passed the line of coincidence to forced planning. There were also various little cliches lightly dusted around but I excused those. I like the fact that this book didn't solve all its writing problems. Its flaws added to its character and that's a rare thing for me to say.
I also didn't see much point to the side story that involved the jars, and all the rapes. It was simply just there. Yes, it added to some of my fascination with this book but I didn't find it particularly connected to the main plot of the story.
However, on a note of surprise, I came to find J.D.'s father to be one of my favorite characters also. He really didn't have a large part or even a point in the story but I frankly don't care. His simple drunken attitude plainly appealed to me. To me he showed that life wasn't always a wonderful adventure. Sometimes to will prove to turn out to be plain sucky, yet we still continue living the same repetitive life. He was real and I liked that.
Yes, this book has its flaws, but somehow the flaws in this book just makes it more precious. The cleverness of Noah's character is enticing and the whole book is a picture of raw reality. I would definitely recommend this book as a must read.
read more reviews on my blog: http://allthingsappealingandnice.blog...
One word to describe this book would be raw. It is dirty, earthy, and grounded. Curses are sprinkled in it giving it character and the educated quirkiness of the main character drew me in. How often does one find a main character in a fiction book that makes references to Neitzche and other various philosophers, thinkers, and writers. It is just so relate-able to the average high school student. So many high school romance books dumb down the characters to greatly wanting love and magically having great gpas and test scores; However, that intelligence shown in that magical gpa is never demonstrated fully in the character.
The substance of this book was also very interesting. It was a romance, yet it wasn't completely targeted at the lovey-doviness of it all. It more of a journey with romance that just happened to be equally entwined in the plot. The romance in the novel was a homosexual one, but I don't think that part is needed to be emphasized. A good romance shouldn't matter whether the love is homosexual, heterosexual, etc. but by the fact that it was more of a process where it all happened naturally.
I absolutely fell in love with the main character, Noah. I already remarked that he is very educated and relate-able to the average student. His education is shown very clearly in his character and his intelligence is very appealing. Noah's colorful language is just beautiful. I tell you, its very rare these days to find a teenager who doesn't curse at least mentally. His honesty in the expressal of his feelings is so straight forward the reader gets hit with his ever emotion and thought.
Noah is also not a weak character; He has a pretty solid backbone. He knows love when he sees it, yet he won't let it rule him- to bend him. In the story after J.D. and Noah finally discover that yes, the love each other, they face the dilemma of J.D.'s girlfriend. J.D. wanted desperately to keep their relationship a secret and keep is girlfriend. Noah would have none of it. He very blatantly states: Yes, I do love you but you can't keep me in the shadows J.D.. Make your choice. This standing of his ground is just something that we rarely see these days in high school romances. High schoolers are usually portrayed as so desperate at seeking love they would stoop to any level. This standing gives a larger perspective the character of an average teenagers. We aren't all sad little people living for our moment of finding affection.
The only iffy part of this book was the fact that everyone was raped: Noah's mother, J.D.'s mother, Nancy. Seriously? That is a lot of assault going on in one novel. I understand that that author was trying to get a point across to connect all the stories together but this felt like a little much. It definitely passed the line of coincidence to forced planning. There were also various little cliches lightly dusted around but I excused those. I like the fact that this book didn't solve all its writing problems. Its flaws added to its character and that's a rare thing for me to say.
I also didn't see much point to the side story that involved the jars, and all the rapes. It was simply just there. Yes, it added to some of my fascination with this book but I didn't find it particularly connected to the main plot of the story.
However, on a note of surprise, I came to find J.D.'s father to be one of my favorite characters also. He really didn't have a large part or even a point in the story but I frankly don't care. His simple drunken attitude plainly appealed to me. To me he showed that life wasn't always a wonderful adventure. Sometimes to will prove to turn out to be plain sucky, yet we still continue living the same repetitive life. He was real and I liked that.
Yes, this book has its flaws, but somehow the flaws in this book just makes it more precious. The cleverness of Noah's character is enticing and the whole book is a picture of raw reality. I would definitely recommend this book as a must read.
read more reviews on my blog: http://allthingsappealingandnice.blog...
October 15, 2024
What a STUNNER! 😭😭😭😭
November 20, 2016
I thought this was a very good, if imperfect book, and I recommend it to readers looking to read gay fiction written from a YA perspective. Despite a few flaws, I enjoyed it overall and looked forward to reading each installment.
It started off rather unevenly for me and didn’t seem authentic. The book is set in New Hampshire, but the place names – Oakland, Cassidy, and Cody – felt like names of the West, not New England (a region I know well), and it did not surprise me to learn that the author is from Wyoming. It also felt to me that the author was channeling J.D. Salinger a little too closely. The jaded, disaffected Noah felt like a gay Holden Caulfield to me living with Glass-like characters (quirky poet types with depression). Noah’s thoughts and voice also felt at first like the voice of an adult woman writing a gay character rather than the voice of a gay teenage boy.
But, about 25% of the way in, everything started to come together. The voice suddenly felt more authentic to me as Noah set his eyes on new friend JD, and the story took off. There’s a lot of drama in this story, as other reviewers have mentioned – perhaps too much. An awful lot happens in a brief period in Noah’s life in a way that didn’t really ring true. But, life can be stranger than fiction sometimes and I don’t take points off for that. I enjoyed the growing relationship between Noah and JD, which felt real and tender. The oppression they faced felt real, too. I really didn't like the horrific events both Noah's and JD's mothers had in common, and I always find it lazy and offensive when authors use it as a plot point (particularly when used twice!). The last part of the book dropped off for me, and the ending felt rushed.
Flaws notwithstanding, I liked this book overall and am glad I read it.
It started off rather unevenly for me and didn’t seem authentic. The book is set in New Hampshire, but the place names – Oakland, Cassidy, and Cody – felt like names of the West, not New England (a region I know well), and it did not surprise me to learn that the author is from Wyoming. It also felt to me that the author was channeling J.D. Salinger a little too closely. The jaded, disaffected Noah felt like a gay Holden Caulfield to me living with Glass-like characters (quirky poet types with depression). Noah’s thoughts and voice also felt at first like the voice of an adult woman writing a gay character rather than the voice of a gay teenage boy.
But, about 25% of the way in, everything started to come together. The voice suddenly felt more authentic to me as Noah set his eyes on new friend JD, and the story took off. There’s a lot of drama in this story, as other reviewers have mentioned – perhaps too much. An awful lot happens in a brief period in Noah’s life in a way that didn’t really ring true. But, life can be stranger than fiction sometimes and I don’t take points off for that. I enjoyed the growing relationship between Noah and JD, which felt real and tender. The oppression they faced felt real, too. I really didn't like the horrific events both Noah's and JD's mothers had in common, and I always find it lazy and offensive when authors use it as a plot point (particularly when used twice!). The last part of the book dropped off for me, and the ending felt rushed.
Flaws notwithstanding, I liked this book overall and am glad I read it.
September 7, 2013
I am so pissed at this book, it got to be so disgusting. Don't let the crap beach book cover fool you, this is not based solely on self-discovery, actually its barely involved with that. Instead, we have creepy fucked up mysteries with rape everywhere and the worst parenting imaginable. LETS GET STARTED!
This book immediately caught my attention with how Noel narrates which is more typical teenager than most YA lit. This isn't YA but it's the audience it's written for. Most parts are funny in the beginning with Noel's quick wit and comebacks and has you laugh out loud many times. I love the relationship between him and J.D. and truly believed this was really all that this book was going to be of, NOPE SORRY HERE COMES V.C. ANDREWS PLOTLINE.
I'm not going to spoil anything but lets just say that most parts in here go graphic and beyond disturbing and I really think Yates didn't need to put in some of the crazy drama crap that he did. I mean it was all way too much and hard to believe that every female character brought up in this book gets raped/beat by men in someway/somehow and none do anything about it. Apparently in Yates world, all women just get molested and then go bat shit crazy. Thanks man. What the fuck is wrong with you?
The writing isn't terrible but the plotline is so messed I can't even give it a decent rating.
This book immediately caught my attention with how Noel narrates which is more typical teenager than most YA lit. This isn't YA but it's the audience it's written for. Most parts are funny in the beginning with Noel's quick wit and comebacks and has you laugh out loud many times. I love the relationship between him and J.D. and truly believed this was really all that this book was going to be of, NOPE SORRY HERE COMES V.C. ANDREWS PLOTLINE.
I'm not going to spoil anything but lets just say that most parts in here go graphic and beyond disturbing and I really think Yates didn't need to put in some of the crazy drama crap that he did. I mean it was all way too much and hard to believe that every female character brought up in this book gets raped/beat by men in someway/somehow and none do anything about it. Apparently in Yates world, all women just get molested and then go bat shit crazy. Thanks man. What the fuck is wrong with you?
The writing isn't terrible but the plotline is so messed I can't even give it a decent rating.
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