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Why You're Still Single by Evan Marc Katz
Why You’re Still Single is not about chasing men, so you will not need a butterfly net. It is not about making them chase you, because they are not wolves and you are not a bunny. Relationship experts Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes do not suggest that you treat men like hostile alien presences, pretend you don’t understand football, buy padded bras, or refuse to call people back. But the benefit of other people’s experience might point out a few things that are tripping you up, no matter how much of an amazing, smart, hot, totally worthwhile ass-kicker you may be as a general rule.They Honesty (usually), playing fair, shutting up (sometimes), speaking up (other times), respecting that voice in your head that says "You’re doing WHAT?", making compromises, knowing when to cut bait, good sex, giving yourself a break, being needlessly generous, and periodically leaving your apartment.They don’t Pretending to like what you don’t like, treating winking and giggling like a Get Out Of Jail Free card, testing people, stubbornness, martyrdom, talking everything to death, and convincing yourself that you’re desperate.
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First published May 30, 2006
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About the author
Evan Marc Katz
7 books10 followersBilled as a "personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women," dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Dozens of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness - after only a few months of phone coaching.
It's an unlikely career for a man - much less a man who was called a "serial dater" by CNN - yet that's what makes Katz such a unique coach.
By helping women understand men - what they think, how they act, and what they really want - he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. Katz likens his 12-week Commitment Course to a Masters Degree in Men, and the metaphor is apt. His clients invariably find their education about men lessens their frustration and increases their likelihood of attracting a like-minded long-term partner.
Katz started his career in customer care at JDate, during which he wrote his first book, "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating" (Ten Speed Press, 2004). Its release coincided with the online dating boom, and soon, Katz found himself in high demand, with features in USA Today, The Wall St. Journal, and Time Magazine.
His follow-up venture, E-Cyrano, was the first company that wrote online dating profiles for thousands of frustrated singles. Quickly, Katz realized that people needed support in all aspects of dating, and expanded his suite of services into dating coaching...even though he'd never had a relationship longer than 8 months.
But like many experts who say one thing and do another, Katz began to notice his own hypocrisy. His second book, "Why You're Still Single - Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" (Plume, 2006), was a critical success, yet the dating coach was ignoring the very same advice that was leading his clients to love.
It wasn't until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife - and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. He's very glad he did.
These days, Katz works primarily with the clients with whom he most identifies - smart, strong, successful women who have everything... except a lasting relationship. With an array of products, group coaching, and one-on-one coaching, Katz offers something for every single woman who wants to get better results in her love life.
Evan Marc Katz is married and lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children.
It's an unlikely career for a man - much less a man who was called a "serial dater" by CNN - yet that's what makes Katz such a unique coach.
By helping women understand men - what they think, how they act, and what they really want - he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. Katz likens his 12-week Commitment Course to a Masters Degree in Men, and the metaphor is apt. His clients invariably find their education about men lessens their frustration and increases their likelihood of attracting a like-minded long-term partner.
Katz started his career in customer care at JDate, during which he wrote his first book, "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating" (Ten Speed Press, 2004). Its release coincided with the online dating boom, and soon, Katz found himself in high demand, with features in USA Today, The Wall St. Journal, and Time Magazine.
His follow-up venture, E-Cyrano, was the first company that wrote online dating profiles for thousands of frustrated singles. Quickly, Katz realized that people needed support in all aspects of dating, and expanded his suite of services into dating coaching...even though he'd never had a relationship longer than 8 months.
But like many experts who say one thing and do another, Katz began to notice his own hypocrisy. His second book, "Why You're Still Single - Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" (Plume, 2006), was a critical success, yet the dating coach was ignoring the very same advice that was leading his clients to love.
It wasn't until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife - and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. He's very glad he did.
These days, Katz works primarily with the clients with whom he most identifies - smart, strong, successful women who have everything... except a lasting relationship. With an array of products, group coaching, and one-on-one coaching, Katz offers something for every single woman who wants to get better results in her love life.
Evan Marc Katz is married and lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
December 12, 2011
The things my love for Linda Holmes will make me do.
Reading this book was quite fun, but I can't in good conscience truly recommend it, because the Evan Marc Katz portions are egregiously bad. Linda's bits are all that you'd hope for from Linda Holmes. They're funny, smart, and demonstrate her uncanny knack for expressing ideas you've inched up to but never fully realized until she lays them out, clear as day. The thing is, though, you can get that from Linda's writing everywhere, without also having to spend 50% of your time with a blithering idiot who's convinced women are crazy status-obsessed bitches who only want to date men who are 6' 4". It gave me mental whiplash to go back and forth between the two of them.
Reading this book was quite fun, but I can't in good conscience truly recommend it, because the Evan Marc Katz portions are egregiously bad. Linda's bits are all that you'd hope for from Linda Holmes. They're funny, smart, and demonstrate her uncanny knack for expressing ideas you've inched up to but never fully realized until she lays them out, clear as day. The thing is, though, you can get that from Linda's writing everywhere, without also having to spend 50% of your time with a blithering idiot who's convinced women are crazy status-obsessed bitches who only want to date men who are 6' 4". It gave me mental whiplash to go back and forth between the two of them.
June 26, 2008
Turns out I'm single because I rarely leave the house. Who knew?! This book's not big on insight.
January 31, 2018
This is a rare example of a book aimed at women that at least gives the reason(s) why that it is not written to men: much of the advice is applicable to both sexes and few men would likely read a book like this directed to them. I am not sure whether or not this is a reasonable explanation, but at least the first one makes sense [1]. That doesn't mean that this book is necessarily enjoyable to read but it is somewhat fascinating to look at the tag team between the two authors, one of whom is a single Jewish man in his 30's, and the other of whom is a single Christian (?) woman who gets the last word in every chapter just as Evan gets the first word in every chapter. This is a book that you can laugh at as long as it doesn't strike too close to home, and whose moral standards are clearly not the same as my own--it is striking, for example, that nowhere in this book do the writers tend to think that one would meet a partner in church, which given the rather dismal state of courtship as it relates to church sounds about right.
This slim book of 150 pages is made up of a large number of small chapters that combined make up eight parts, all of which are constructed as dialogues. The first part looks at things that knock us out of the game: indecision, desperation, and bitterness. After that the authors look at insecurity, baggage, having a backbone, and the power of no. The third part of the book looks at the cattiness and bitchiness and game playing that sabotage attempts at relationships. The fourth part of the book looks at the problem from transitioning from girl friend to girlfriend, the female portion of the friendzone. The fifth part of the book looks at lost causes and diminishing returns and choosing the wrong people to date. The sixth part of the book looks at fighting and arguments and jealousy about the friends of one's partner. The seventh part of the book looks at questions of attractiveness and sex. The eighth and final part of the book looks at missing the signals to get out and stick around, including deal breakers, rose-colored glasses, inequality, and letting the imaginary perfect be the enemy of the very good.
While I would say that the writers of this book are certainly not godly and moral in their perspectives on dating, this is the sort of book that can be profitably read by those who are seriously interested in knowing why they remain single when it seems that the whole world around is pairing up two by two. Although I tend to be a somewhat prickly reader myself, I found a great deal of interest here that certainly expressed by own struggles and that of other people I know. The authors are pretty unsparing and fierce in their writings, and they clearly belong to the unsentimental school of thinking that holds people responsible for the happiness and success, and lack thereof, of your life. On a more positive, side, though, these authors are full of empathy and have clearly done a good bit of reflecting over their own relationships and the struggles to set boundaries and live with a fair amount of consistency. You may not like everything these authors say--I certainly didn't--but you will likely find much to think about and reflect on and that is what the book appears to be for.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2013...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
This slim book of 150 pages is made up of a large number of small chapters that combined make up eight parts, all of which are constructed as dialogues. The first part looks at things that knock us out of the game: indecision, desperation, and bitterness. After that the authors look at insecurity, baggage, having a backbone, and the power of no. The third part of the book looks at the cattiness and bitchiness and game playing that sabotage attempts at relationships. The fourth part of the book looks at the problem from transitioning from girl friend to girlfriend, the female portion of the friendzone. The fifth part of the book looks at lost causes and diminishing returns and choosing the wrong people to date. The sixth part of the book looks at fighting and arguments and jealousy about the friends of one's partner. The seventh part of the book looks at questions of attractiveness and sex. The eighth and final part of the book looks at missing the signals to get out and stick around, including deal breakers, rose-colored glasses, inequality, and letting the imaginary perfect be the enemy of the very good.
While I would say that the writers of this book are certainly not godly and moral in their perspectives on dating, this is the sort of book that can be profitably read by those who are seriously interested in knowing why they remain single when it seems that the whole world around is pairing up two by two. Although I tend to be a somewhat prickly reader myself, I found a great deal of interest here that certainly expressed by own struggles and that of other people I know. The authors are pretty unsparing and fierce in their writings, and they clearly belong to the unsentimental school of thinking that holds people responsible for the happiness and success, and lack thereof, of your life. On a more positive, side, though, these authors are full of empathy and have clearly done a good bit of reflecting over their own relationships and the struggles to set boundaries and live with a fair amount of consistency. You may not like everything these authors say--I certainly didn't--but you will likely find much to think about and reflect on and that is what the book appears to be for.
[1] See, for example:
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2016...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2013...
https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014...
August 30, 2020
Basically read this as a joke. Could’ve stopped after page 3 when they absolutely nailed why I’m single. “If you’re more concerned with Brad and Angelina‘s love life than you are with your own, you’re not that interested in meeting a guy. Love hanging out with your close girlfriends and their cool husbands? Not too many single guys in their babies playroom.”
February 8, 2017
Uh yeah, I really did read this. I should probably be embarassed by this, right? This wasn't exactly full of earth-shattering new information, it was pretty much just common sense stuff. It was fairly entertaining at times, and I recognized at least three ex-boyfriends in some of the descriptions, which I guess is good, because they were all descriptions of relationships you don't want to be in. I'm sure there were better uses for my time than reading this, but that's pretty true of a lot of the crap I read. It was all made worth it because of a comparison between dating and the Atari game Pitfall!, which I totally loved as a kid and may own for my old-school Nintendo. Seriously, any book that can compare dating stupid boys to a hilarious videogame that requires you to cross a swamp by jumping on crocodiles has to be worth reading.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 29, 2015
Reading a book with such a name made me sound so desparate but the book has some attractive points and sometimes it was funny. I learnt 2 or 3 new concepts about relations and I actually agree with all the writers' views. My only comment is that : Even though the book has chapters and organized, I wasn't very comfortable with the writing style because it wasn't factual or decisive. It was like just written thoughts. Anyway, it was nice reading.
March 10, 2025
1 star simply because I can’t remember any key take away from this book as I write my review a couple of weeks later. I did like that it switched back from the male author and the female author’s perspectives but this book didn’t leave much of an impression.
June 23, 2021
OMG - so bad! I had to skip the last 50+ pages, totally bored to death!
March 22, 2022
I thought most of it was very good to the point advice. I appreciated getting the blunt male view.
June 16, 2016
Fast read, because not much of it applied to my particular situation ;)
All kidding aside, I liked that the book showed both the male and female perspective on certain matters. The book also showed a step or two to take to change my current situation.
And it's not that I'm unhappy being single - in fact, I've been single all my life, and I quite enjoy time alone - but it's just that I need to know that hope is not lost, that I can eventually find happiness with someone, once I find it for myself first.
All kidding aside, I liked that the book showed both the male and female perspective on certain matters. The book also showed a step or two to take to change my current situation.
And it's not that I'm unhappy being single - in fact, I've been single all my life, and I quite enjoy time alone - but it's just that I need to know that hope is not lost, that I can eventually find happiness with someone, once I find it for myself first.
June 25, 2008
Because one of these authors is my favorite blogger, I thought I would enjoy this even though I'm not single. Nope. It's funny and well written and I'd recommend it to any singles looking for dating advice, but it still is essentially a witty self-help book.
November 30, 2007
Absolutely hilarious!!! Easy read. Read it in only a couple of hours. I was able to identify nearly every woman I've ever known described in this book. Terribly funny.
December 14, 2007
Single women who don't want to be single any longer should run, not walk, to buy this book.
March 5, 2009
Got this book for my sister, paged through it. What a bunch of hokum.
March 30, 2009
This book is a fun read. The authors are very witty and insightful. I could have done without all of the F-bombs.
August 31, 2010
extremely common-sense based (you will not find a partner who can be everything to you at all times... seems obvious but easy to forget)
August 7, 2011
entertaining..it's not really a self-help book but a book to laugh about when you are single.
July 23, 2018
This was frightfully awful.
January 24, 2016
This book is not worth the reading.
February 18, 2021
Common Sense
This book was basically filled with common sense. I may recommend it for younger daters — those in their young 20s.
This book was basically filled with common sense. I may recommend it for younger daters — those in their young 20s.
September 9, 2016
Very superficial.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews