[(Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe)] [Author: Erin S Lane] published on

by Erin S. Lane

The thing I am most desperate to keep you from finding out about me is . . . I want to belong, but I do not know how." There was a time when being a part of a church was not a decision you made but a reality you inhabited. But today belonging to the church has become a lost art, especially for millennials whose church experience is often summed up in one none. Erin Lane's church experience might be better described in two "It's complicated." Having grown up in a church, she has an appreciation for liturgy and covenant community. Having graduated from divinity school and taken a job in spiritual formation, she appreciates the structured, shared pursuit of theological and spiritual integrity. Having married a pastor, she sort of had church coming. Yet she wasn't always sure how to belong. With earnest persistence, Erin practiced the hard (and often surprising) lessons of community. Her story is an invitation to reclaim God's promise of inclusion and live like we belong to one another.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Memoir, Theology, Spirituality, Church

Unknown Binding

First published December 30, 2014

About the author

Erin S. Lane is author of Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe and co-editor of Talking Taboo. Confirmed Catholic, raised Charismatic, and married to a Methodist, she facilitates retreats for clergy and congregational leaders through the Center for Courage & Renewal. To find more of her writing, visit www.holyhellions.com.

Reviews

[Alisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not a commitment phobe, and you would think that after being in churches my whole life, there is no place that I would feel like I belong or fit-in more. I feel solidly about my core beliefs that are common across all major Christian denominations. I’ve visited more styles of Christian gatherings than the average seminary student, thanks to my parents experimenting with different theologies, lots of travel, and my birthright from the ‘Show-Me State’ (Missouri).

What attracted me to Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe was a creeping feeling that after living only a quarter of my life I’m already getting burned out on church. I was looking for some strong words that would make me wince but not sting (a complete stranger is sometimes best for this), and point out that yes, church is worth the effort.

Erin S. Lane did not disappoint. She and I have a lot in common: grumpy introversion, haters of small talk, good at justifying excuses to ourselves, curmudgeonly feminists… and I underlined most of the book, not because 100% of it was SO GOOD IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, but because I recognized myself in her. Like this sentence that is not only my physical reality about my presence in church, but my mental one as well: ‘An increasing number of folks my age are choosing to live on the edge of belonging; we may not be fully in or fully out, but we are not “nones.”’ (‘Nones’ is the current buzzword to describe millennials that believe a higher power exists but aren’t interested in participating in organized religion.)

Part memoir, part advice, Lane writes about how her fear of commitment led her to hopping around the country and wrestling with herself about trying to become part of yet another church full of stale platitudes, alienating patriarchal language, and awkward meet-and-mingle sessions. At the same time, she was working for a Quaker retreat organization, so many of her lessons stem from attitudes of honest acknowledgement and acceptance of reality that are common in Quaker teachings.

Belonging, she decided, is not about conforming with what other people do, say, or believe. You can have different opinions, interests, backgrounds, education, and languages. ‘Belonging didn’t chiefly depend on whether a community accepted me but whether I was able to offer myself to them.’

Becoming disillusioned is part of the process of belonging--disillusioned in the sense of tearing down the illusions that we construct in order to ‘fit in’. It’s being honest about what your resources and talents are, and offering those. It’s about acknowledging what other people are good at and accepting what they are offering. It’s about revealing weakness in order to accept others’ gifts. It’s shifting the responsibility of belonging from other people to yourself. It’s showing up, being present, and serving others.


P.S. If you are tired of other Christians preaching at you, gag a little when you hear the word ‘relevant’, are annoyed by petty theological discussions, and couldn’t care less if the entire Christian celebrity industry with all of its books got taken up to the heavens in a chariot of fire (which would hopefully burn said books) tomorrow, then this book will probably be fine for you to read because it has none of those things.

Honest review given in exchange for a chance to read it and an e-arc.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am a big fan of the personal stories, cut up into short essay form and then published, books and so in many ways that was why I was attracted to this book...that and the title. While I did enjoy some of the stories and could relate to some of the feelings, at times I felt lost in what they writer was trying to say and I found her to be a bit whiny. Honestly I can't even say I learned anything from her in terms of belonging in the church, as it didn't feel to me like the author ever really found the belonging she was looking for. Not sure I would recommend this book to anyone.

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first heard about Lessons in Belonging from the author herself while hanging out at the Festival of Faith and Writing last year and immediately knew I needed to read it. I was right. Lessons in Belonging deeply resonated with me as I continue to sift through my relationship with faith, doubt, and all things church. Erin's honesty is compelling and while I didn't agree with all of her conclusions, she gave me good food for thought at every turn. Her thoughts on community and belonging were especially insightful. Recommended for anyone with a complicated church history or who is looking for a place to belong.

[Sherry Bendorf · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐ rounded up to 4. I'm struggling with how to rate this book. I am not a big non fiction reader so it takes me quite awhile to get through one. I was intrigued by this because I have been struggling with the feeling of not belonging in the Church community I find myself in presently.

I thought this would help give me some ideas and encouragement. There were many noteworthy quotes and thought provoking statements, however it wasn't exactly what I was hoping it would be.

During parts of it, I felt like it was an advertisement for Parker Palmer's work, since she refers back to him often. He wrote the forward and she works for his non profit. That being said, I wanted more about what it looks like to belong and how the body of believers can help one another to belong together. I didn't feel like I got that especially since she and her husband attend separate churches.

I did enjoy her personal stories I liked how she nailed the point about our belonging being secure in God from the beginning. It's more than just belonging to the church, we are God's children and enough. I didn't question that, it's just the feeling of not finding my place where I am now.

I don't agree with some of her theology either, but appreciate how she presented it. My favorite lessons from the book were The Risk of Vulnerability and The Edge of Discernment. All in all, I'm glad I read it and now have things to ponder.

[Emily Magnus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Felt star struck as the author of this book also gave our sermon on Sunday ;) Erin S. Lane does a lovely job of calling out the scaries in the church that we all feel. She talks through belonging, doubt, showing up, and speaking up for what we believe a church body should stand for. Lane was authentic as she dove into her own fears on belonging. It’s also objectively fun to read from the perspective of someone talking about a place and atmosphere that feels close to home- 3.5 for mwah

[Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a lovely book that resonated with me on many levels. I am grateful to feel a little less alone in the world knowing that other people like me exist.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was slow in getting around to reading  Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe.  I had wanted to read it ever since I saw Erin Lane on a Regent Redux forum. But shortly after the book came in the mail, I lost it behind the couch.  For months. I had recently completed my time as pastor with a church (AKA as my lesson in 'not belonging). I continued to attend weekly worship at another church but felt fairly disconnected. My interest in 'belonging; waned. When I unearthed the book from its hiding place, I was completely  sucked in by Erin's story.

Lane describes herself in the book with these words:

I am a twenty-nine-year-old who wears skinny jeans, man boots and Mac's Red Russian lipstick. I live in North Carolina but was born in Nashville, reared in Ohio, raised near Chicago, schooled in Ann Arbor, married outside of Charlotte and awakened in San Francisco. I want to live in Seattle some day, but these days I'm making my home in Durham. I call myself a Christian and a feminist too.

I believe in being the church. I believe in attending a church. I just don't like to do it. I don't like when the older people talk too long even though I need to be reminded of our shared history. I don't like it when the young babies cry too loudly even though I need to be reminded of our shared need. I don't take well to authority figures telling me what to do. And yet I have a lot of opinions on what they should do.

I like Jesus; I just don't like when he's separated from the other persons of the Trinity like the cheese who stands alone. I believe in tradition if there's a good reason behind it. It's just that I often can't get a straight answer about what that reason is.

I have a master's degree in theology, but I don't want to hear your dissertation. I want specifics, like how you picture God when you pray and what you say to the beggar on the street who asks for money. I am interested in women and men who want to belong and are ready to do so with people who don't look and sound like them.

The trouble is I have a hard time committing to these people, because as pastor Lillian Daniel puts it, "In church, in community, humanity is just too close to look good." (17).

Lane's memoir shares her struggle to belong to  a church. She struggles with patriarchal pastors,  artificial gender roles, and feeling 'lost' and 'disconnected' in the congregation. She does learn belonging by choosing to stick with a community, to show up at stuff, to read the community charitably, to be vulnerable and to offer 'her portion.' But this is no Pollyanna tale. Lane's church angst persists. She sees the gifts of Christian community and belonging, she leans in, but it remains a struggle

I read this book with interest, because I really wanted to hear how her story turned out. She doesn't attend church with her youth pastor husband, and at one point, moves to Seattle for a season (for work, but also to figure things out). Her marriage to Rush and cold feet about commitment, is also a window into her struggle to commit to a local congregation.

But reading this book reminded of some of 'the lessons in belonging' I have  had in my own church journey. I haven't struggled in committing to churches the same way Lane has, but I can think of a couple of churches that I didn't feel I belonged to until I committed to them for a coupe of years. There is no shortcut to knowing and being known.

I recommend this book for anyone who likewise struggles with 'going to church' or feels angsty about committing to a community. Lane is winsome and funny.  And she keeps it real. Despite being so theologically thoughtful, this isn't a preachy book. I give this four-and-half stars. You should totally read it.

Note: I received this book from SpeakEasy in exchange for my honest review.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this one, but I just could NOT relate to the author much at all. I do understand how hard it can be to find a church, especially for a woman who's a Christian AND a feminist. But, I just couldn't get past her not wanting to attend the church where her husband is a pastor. I really wondered about what the staff at his church thought of that and how hard that was for him. Basically, most of this book was her complaining about various church-related issues/theology/etc. that she didn't agree with. She also seemed like she was ALWAYS looking for said issues/theology she didn't agree with/etc. Churches are full of people who will always fail at being like Christ, but God won't fail you. I just didn't enjoy her constant whining about everything.

There were two quotes I did really like:

[Parker Palmer in the introduction] "Like most of us, I belong to a variety of communities: family, clusters of friends and colleagues, a religious community, a civic community. But unlike most people, I spent eleven years living in a so-called intentional community, where I shared a daily round of worship, work, study, social action, decision-making and common meals with some eighty people. At the end of my first year, I came up with Palmer's Definition of Community: 'Community is that place where the person you least want to live with always lives.' At the end of my second year, I came up with Palmer's Corollary to Palmer's Definition: 'And when that person moves away, someone else arises immediately to take his or her place.'" (p. 11-12)

"It was a relief to find people at college who shared my faith values, but I was perplexed by some of the gendered values that came with it. I didn't know being mad was a character flaw in a woman." (p. 66)

[Suni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to marry this book. I'm not exactly a commitment-phobe, and I'm pretty settled in the non-churchy parts of my place, plus I think I'm just a little bit to old to really be called a Millenial, BUT... Erin S Lane's writing here otherwise perfectly describes my struggle and my attempts to belong in church. I want to give a copy of this book to everyone I've ever asked about church & community.

She gracefully describes the longing I feel to be accepted and included amongst people who share the core of our faith. Like her, I often (easily) find myself warmly included in secular circles, but it church, for some reason, those connections just don't land. I share her perplexity that this difference exists. Like her, I've tried, and continue to try to meet people and to encourage acquaintance-ships to grow into full blown friendships. Like her, it feels hard and unsuccessful and discouraging to me. I envy Ms Lane's having a Christian partner who "gets it", even though his vocation clearly bring challenges of their own.

I didn't find a solution to my Big Church Problem in this book, but it was so encouraging and affirming to know that it's not just me that I think I'll read it again.

[Preston · Rating 5 out of 5]

A necessary read for anyone in religious community who feels like they live "on the edge of belonging" even if others would consider them squarely in the center. Grateful for Lane's honesty, creativity and heaps of wit.

[*Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for my church's summer book series. This is what I shared with my church:

When Pastor Anne asked me to do a book review, I agreed and wondered if she had any idea how deeply critical I am of many Christian, self-help-type books. She told me she would give me two books to choose from and I told myself that I would try to keep an open mind.
Of the two books, one was about longing and the other about belonging. Both topics intrigued me and so I dedicated myself to reading at least a chapter from each book. I started with the book on longing, and quickly devoted myself to Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe, by Erin S. Lane when her preface stated that “too many Christian books read like sermonettes rather than stories.” She managed to put words to the trouble I’ve had with so many of these books. Sermons, by definition, are meant to be spoken and my personal preference is that they stay that way.
Before I go too far in my review, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Kate and I’ve been a Christian all of my life. As an infant, my parents chose the Catholic faith for me, and as I grew older my whole family began traveling down various paths of figuring out what we believe. I was given free range when it came to whether I did - or did not - participate in a church, or even a relationship with God and I eventually found myself heavily involved with a Pentecostal church. The dichotomy between growing up Catholic and Pentecostal, arguably two extremes in the realm of denominations would prove to put me in a strange place as an adult. As I finished high school, moved away for college, became a working adult, a married adult, and a parent, I have found myself living in a variety of places across the whole of Minnesota and parts of Wisconsin. In each location, I have attempted to find a church home and the truth is that as I’ve grown older and more introverted, I’ve found myself lingering on the outskirts of many of these churches. I’ve found myself with more questions than answers, more doubts than certainties, and more day-to-day obligations than free time. And this is where I continued to linger when I began Lessons in Belonging. I can’t deny that in many ways it feels like this is a book that was meant for me.
Erin Lane’s church story parallels mine in many ways, and her style of writing caused me to feel more like I was reading her journal - or perhaps a memoir - than a Christian, self-help book. The book begins with her honest admission that, “I want to belong, but I don’t know how” (page 25). She introduces herself to the reader, shares her history, and then invites us along in her personal journey to commit and to belong. As an opinionated, feminist introvert with a Bachelors Degree in Anthropology and a Masters Degree in Theological Studies, Erin spends a good amount of time in her head. But I feel that she’s asking a lot of good questions in her head. She wonders about her identity in and responsibility to the church, she wonders about the reality of absolutes and the certainty of the gray areas that tend to keep her from making any commitments, she wonders what it will take for others to allow her to trust her and begins to “suspect that trust is [hers] to give rather than theirs to prove” (page 69).
As her journey continues, she considers what Pope Francis has referred to as the “globalization of indifference,” a phenomenon which “makes us think only of ourselves, makes us insensitive to the cries of other people, makes us live in soap bubbles which, however lovely, are insubstantial; they offer a fleeting and empty illusion which results in indifference to others” (page 91). And then she goes on to explain her firm belief that while she is committing to being open and invested in the differences of others; she wants - needs - others in her community to be open and invested in her differences as well. She struggles with committing to membership in her church because they ask her to speak certain vows of her commitment to the specific church, but the church does not make any vows of their commitment to her. She wants to refine her gifts and use them in the church, she wants to be a part of the church’s outreach programs, and she wants to feel as though she is important to the body of her church. She believes church members names should be known - even if it’s through the simple act of each congregant wearing name tags on Sundays, she believes there should be communities within the church that allow us to fail, to question, to grow, and ultimately “in real community, [to] find out who it is that we really are, what is it that we can offer and how it is that we belong to this beloved body of believers” (page 166).
In the end, Erin Lane does not have concrete answers, which is something that I know many of you may find frustrating, but that I found to be breathtaking. She eventually calls herself “an anthropologist of belonging, studying its customs in the lives of friends and strangers.” She comes to the belief that belonging happens “not by waiting for permission or holding out for perfect conditions. Not by cherry-picking people just like us or nitpicking people who don’t get us. Belonging happens when we choose to give ourselves away saying, “Take. Eat. If you’ll have me, I belong to you” (page 177). Referring to Christ’s example that when he offered “himself as bread for the world, Jesus ran the risk of being rejected, and he was by many who wanted no part in his part” (page 180), she explains that she firmly believes “belonging is a two-way street” (page 181).
I tried to keep this summary as brief as possible and don’t even feel that I’ve touched the surface. I believe this will go down as one of the very few self-help books that had a major impact in my walk with Christ and my commitment to the church. I long for others to read this so I can talk it through with you, because while it brought up some good answers, it brought up even more questions.
Who should read this book? You should. If you find yourself lingering on the edge - the edge of Christianity, the edge of church attendance, the edge of - well, there are so many edges we can find ourselves on in church today. So you should read it. And if you find yourself frustrated with the likes of me (I know you’re out there), then you should probably read this book as well. Not because I want you to change your tune, but I want you to think along with me and try to understand me as I try to understand you. The author of this book is among the “millennial” generation and the truth is that I’m older than that generation. I believe this book is representative of many of our current leaders, and most of our future leaders. She mentions that many people think the problem with millennials is that they don’t care enough, and she argues the problem is possibly that they care too much. Like Abraham and Sarah longed for a better country, many millennials long for a better church.
I think Erin Lane’s vision of a “better church” closely aligns with the mission of our church. Each of First Covenant’s core values, from Authentic Discipleship through Generous Living have a need for give and take between the church and its members. And I believe this book provides insight that may help bridge some gaps in truly fulfilling this mission.

[Elisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author's anecdotes, infused with witty realism about her own history with churches and overactive internal critic, were relatable and disarming, a combination that helped her points about belonging to hit home. I found myself not only interested pragmatically in her conclusions about how to belong, but also emotionally interested in her journey. Realizing that my experience of wariness and suspicion is shared by the author (and obviously many other readers) certainly helped her advice feel more palatable.

That being said, her story may be far less relatable to people who aren't white, middle-class, millennial women. From her perspective, it makes sense that the primary issues that could put a wedge between her and her church are issues of sexism. I don't know much about how POC view the concept of belonging, but I think many of her questions and initial assumptions stem from a white understanding of belonging. I also can't help but wonder, when she talks about the "illusion of alienation" stemming from renouncing the gift of belonging that all Christians are offered, if this is as true or helpful for people with more marginalized identities as it is for someone like her.

This isn't a critique as much as it is an acknowledgement that her story is only one very small facet of the story of a search for belonging. A facet that, while helpful for some, may be generally overrepresented in the broader conversation.

[Yen C · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author and I are very different in many ways, but we can agree on what matters most at the core. She writes so poetically and though I got kind of lost at some points on how it related to the main point/purpose of the book, I think she got the main idea thoroughly. There were some points that I’m not too sure I believe, but I appreciate her honesty and willingness to call herself out on things that she knows is a lie that she can’t shake. More than advice on belonging, I definitely felt affirmed in my need to belong and how church community plays a role in that, as well as how I should play a mutual role in church community.

[Janel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like other readers, it was a mixed bag for me. Some good insights towards the end re: being needed in order to belong that resonated with my experience. But a lot was overshadowed by being confused about what timeframe she was talking about... it’s been 3 years, it’s the first year, it’s been 2.5 years... she’s in the Bay Area, she’s in Durham, she’s in Seattle... the jumping around without clarification was distracting. She also would mention people by name that hadn’t been introduced (Ray?). So overall I thought it would have benefited from editing. But I appreciated her honesty and her writing style.

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great personal stories, anecdotes and research. I now call myself a "faithful rebel."

[Riley Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 Stars = Fine

Marked down for being "Memoir-ish" and a bit sloppy in its vibe

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the questions she asked. It was a book of lessons she has learned about community.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

More than a decade of Catholic school failed to cultivate anything but atheism in me. I love a good memoir though, and the cover of Erin Lane’s book intrigued me when I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review. As I glanced over the table of contents and skimmed the foreword, I thought to myself “What was I thinking? I’m not even religious! I’m not going to be able to read this book.”

I’m slightly surprised to report that I really enjoyed it! I read the entire thing on one of those lazy rainy days when leaving the couch seems like an impossibility. It is a book about religion. Mostly, however, it’s one woman’s story of her own quest to find a place to belong within the world of her faith. She never struggles with her belief in God but questions how it fits within tangible day to day life among other believers. Reflections on Christianity and biblical verses are seamlessly integrated with tales of the places she’s lived, communities she’s a part of, and her marriage and family.

Lane very nearly manages to never come across as preachy thanks to her willingness to expose her own quirks and flaws. She has a hard time committing to the idea of weekly attendance at church. On this she says “I believe in being the church. I believe in attending a church. I just don’t like to do it.” Her feminist views also infuse a bit of humor, such as when she mentions changing all the he’s to her’s and the Father’s to Mother’s while singing hymns “in order to enact a dose of liturgical affirmative action on behalf of the female sex.”

If I had to offer one criticism, and it’s a very small one, it would be that the timeline is challenging to follow. It’s sometimes unclear whether something she describes happened in the past, perhaps when she was living in a different city, or more recently. This ultimately has very little impact on the narrative because her stories aren’t dependent on a sense of time or place.

I think you may need to have some interest in or history of experience with religion to really appreciate this book, because a substantial part of it is an exploration of faith. I never felt like the author was trying to convert the reader or push her viewpoint, however, and I found this book smart, beautifully written, and immensely enjoyable.

[Juli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books whose words will continue to do a work in me for a long time. Erin is wise, witty, thoughtful, and thought-provoking. Journeying with her through her own story invites you to think more deeply about your own, the gift of any good memoir. Her experiences and insight connect across generations as she digs honestly into the messiness of relationships and challenges her readers to rethink previous notions of belonging. She seamlessly weaves in Scripture throughout, encouraging you to think differently about words and stories you may have heard before, showing us how God offered (and continues to offer) God's own self to humanity because it was "worth the risk of love." Erin doesn't cover up the difficulties of belonging to a church and to others but invites you to wrestle with those difficulties truthfully and wholeheartedly. She reminds us that, rather than being a place where we have to pretend to be someone we're not, "Maybe the church is where we get to be the people we really are." Thanks for reminding us, Erin. I pray it would be so.

[Hope Squires · Rating 4 out of 5]

Erin Lane's new book is a beautiful read. As I read, I kept thinking of Emily Dickinson's "Tell the truth but tell it slant," and then Lane herself quoted the line in her book. This book does precisely that: tells the truth but in a fresh voice that will grab your attention and get you thinking about what it means to belong to one another in community. I could have highlighted something on every page!

Her insights about finding church community hit close to my heart, as I search for a new church and a new way to belong now that I'm living on the "other" coast. She writes from and to the Millennial generation (which I am not), but her wisdom crosses generational boundaries and has a message and a challenge for us all.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Erin Lane's Lessons in Belonging, the second memoir/spiritual reflection on the Christian life book I read this year. If the Sacred Year was self-contained and precise, Lane's work is a bit less organized, while being real and blunt and funny and close to the bone (at least for me). She knows Christian community, church, is necessary, but it is also hard. I appreciate the lack of closure at the end, though the writing also felt more diffuse in the later chapters. Here's hoping she writes more.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the last quarter of this slim book, as the author began to make commitments, learn life lessons and move into her life more fully. While thoughtful and well written, most of it just didn't connect, though I too have struggled with belonging and connection. I think the experiences and understandings here are so thoroughly centered in the millennial experience that they did not resonate for me. Perhaps those of the author's generation will find greater resonance in this book.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh how I loved this book. It's beautifully written, weaving personal narrative and church, and home and family all together. It's about belonging, and hope and what it means to be cautious about both of those things. I will return to this book often.
Reviewed here: http://carastrickland.com/2015/02/06/...

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to anyone. If you are a millennial, which I am not, it can offer a lot of insight into what belonging can be and if you are not it is a great guide book as to what a younger generation may want in a Church. Our attendance is declining and some of the answers can be found within theses pages.It is a worthy read and may enlighten those that are chained to tradition.

[Idelette McVicker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I curled up on a couch on a Sunday afternoon and loved getting inside Erin's mind and heart and stories. I am a "Belonging" junkie and she had beautiful insights to add to my understanding. Thoughtful and well crafted. This book felt like it had skin on.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won a copy of this at Cara Meredith's blog! Erin Lane examines her own history with the Church and community, and how the true meaning of belonging is changing on a large scale (especially with millennials). Very insightful.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good read for young adults in the church to hear, "You're not alone." Adding to my young adult ministry book list.

"I think many young people have found no echo for our longing in the church, not because we don't care but because we care so much it hurts."

[Cara Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I may not technically be a millennial, but I found myself nodding along wholeheartedly throughout the book. Erin is a talented, raw, hilarious and smart writer, and I am glad to soak up her words.

[Brittany]

I truly enjoy attending church but long for community. People that I can share my most intimate self with and not be judged or condemed.

[Columba]

This looks provocative and quite relevant. I didn't add it though. --Barbara