I'm going to dissect the first paragraph of this novel to show how poorly it's written, and why no publisher should have let it seen the light of day. Don't think I'm fussing over one or two sentences. The first paragraph represents the novels uniform flaws. And they get worse. Horrible sentence construction and prose compact the terrible plotting and grammatical issues. Not one part of this novel showcased fine writing. The novel is plagued with so many issues on so many levels, I can only tackle a few.
First sentence:
"Ken moved quietly through the small house, darting around boxes as his insides twisted and turned with every sound that came from Hannah's room."
(Let's forget for a moment the sentence itself is too long winded with no substance and lacks any color, how quiet is Ken if he's "darting around boxes"? The word "darting" seems misused. Did the writer mean pushing aside boxes? Darting is usually used when describing something that is being thrown. Was Ken throwing the boxes? Again, how quietly can one throw boxes?)
"He'd have sworn on a stack of Bibles that he'd unpacked all the bathroom stuff, but he couldn't find the goddamned thermometer."
Even if the author was going for a hip colloquial voice, there are still too many no-nos in this sentence to make it past most editors. One, it's horribly cliche; two, if he unpacked all the "bathroom stuff" why was he not looking for the thermometer in the bathroom? Had he already? We're not told he had, and nothing in the flat writing gives us a reason to infer.)
"When he'd touched her forehead, she was hot, and he desperately needed to know how high her fever was."
(Firstly, the sentence makes no sense. Was she hot because he had touched her forehead? Or did the author mean to say she was hot to the touch? A horribly written sentence that any fifth grader could have improved. Furthermore, readers should be able to decipher that because he was so frantic in searching for the thermometer that Ken was desperate to know her temperature. Why else would he be searching for it in the first place?)
"'Daddy,' he heard Hannah call weakly, and ken hurried back upstairs to her room."
(This sentence reads more like a stage direction. Here's one time I'm going to give a quick rewrite: "'Daddy...' Hannah's weak voice halted Ken in his search and he raced upstairs." Any dozens of rewrites would be far more descriptive and original than this flat, first-draft, artless prose.)
"Hannah had kicked off her covers and was shivering in bed, so Ken pulled them back around her, touching her forehead once more before getting a glass of water and a cool cloth that he placed behind her neck as he held the glass for her."
(Whew! I did not make that up. That's copied verbatim from the novel. I'm guessing the Dreamspinner editors realized that this author's fans will purchase anything he writes--why bother with basic editing? A five year old could have rewritten that sentence to flow better. A word search shows that in the first two paragraphs alone, there are eight gerund phrases. Far too many. And most throughout the novel are used ungrammatically, like the one above. Unless Ken is made of rubber, I don't see how he can touch her forehead and retrieve the covers kicked to the floor at the same time. Keep in mind, this is one of the least offensive of the implausible gerunds used.)
"'Is that better, sweetheart?' Ken asked worriedly."
(A better writer would have recognized no need to attribute the speaker, and especially to state the obvious redundancy that he had asked "worriedly". Are we as the reader so stupid we couldn't have already figured out he's worried? The writing horrors go on and on and gets worse and worse.)
Basically what we have is either writer who has little concern for writing a tight, well-honed novel, or one who has a painfully limited concept for what makes good prose, style, and sentence rhythm.
As an avid reader, I refuse to accept that a story's "positive" message means we must suffer through horrible prose and flawed plot construction. I'd rather read a well-written novel about lesbian nuns who knit than hackneyed, artless bile that this novel represents. Yes, of course, I'm concerned for children who are dying, but somewhere out there, someone has written a novel on a similar subject who possess talent and commitment to solid prose (Lorenzo's Oil, perhaps?). The only use for this novel as is, is a place in a high school writing class entitled: "Don't let this happen to you."