Родена да умре

by Elisabeth Bumiller, Елка Баракова (Translator)

Животът на жените в Индия

Авторката Елизабет Бъмилър е американска журналистка, живяла в Индия, а обектът на нейния интерес са индийските жени от всички съсловия и касти. Бъмилър четири години обикаля цялата страна, среща се с различни жени, пребивава известно време в домовете им, прави собствени журналистически разследвания на очевидни престъпления и създава една невероятно пъстра и жива мозайка от съдби, но съдби, отразяващи основните линии в положението на жената и отношението към нея. В Индия от края на хилядолетието, страната с един от най-бързите темпове на развитие, царят традиции, предавани от векове, и нрави, неразбираеми и дори жестоки за европейския светоглед. Млади хора от финансовия елит, образовани в реномирани университети в САЩ и Европа, считат за редно родителите им да изберат техния партньор в живота, съпругите на заможни местни политици не напускат цял живот стените на дома си, спазвайки обичая "пурдах", хиляди екзалтирани хора приветстват решението на млада жена да бъде изгорена на клада заедно с починалия си съпруг, както повелява обичаят "сати", макар и официално забранен... Едно невероятно четиво за парадоксите в милиардната страна, чието икономическо развитие изпреварва нравите с векове.
***
Момичета от финансовия и индустриален елит, завършили престижни университети в Европа и Америка, встъпват в уреден от родителите им брак с почти непознат човек, тъй като така изисква традицията, красиви актриси, познати на целия народ от екрана, получават огромни хонорари, но не смеят да обявят личния си живот заради вековни предразсъдъци, съпруги на местни политици тънат в охолство, но никога не напускат стените на дома си, спазвайки стародавни норми, млади работещи жени биват подпалени от мъжете си, защото не са донесли изискваната зестра...
Жените на Индия, жени на кръстопътя между жестоки и неразбираеми за нас средновековни традиции и икономическия просперитет на една от най-бързо развиващите се страни в света. Съдби, видени и описани в продължение на четири години от точното и необвързано с предразсъдъци перо на Елизабет Бъмилър.
***
Жените на Индия - за по-голямата част от света това са екзотичните филмови красавици в сарита, преливащи от цветове и блясък, това са мъдрите политички и самоуверените менажерки. Но зад тези малко на брой представителни фигури стоят стотиците милиони неизвестни жени на истинската Индия - тънещи в нищета, неграмотни, безправни, обиждани и унижавани, жените, живеещи сякаш преди стотици години.
На тях е посветила своята книга американската журналистка Елизабет Бъмилър, като е наблюдавала и проучвала всички слоеве на индийското общество - от висшите политици до селските ратаи. Когато четем нейния разказ, ни се струва, че тук времето е спряло. Кой би повярвал, че в края на XX век в една страна с водещи учени в областта на физиката и електрониката същите тези учени биват женени от родителите си, че една жена бива изгаряна заедно с мъртвия си съпруг, че новородените момиченца биват умъртвявани, че, ако мъжът не е доволен от зестрата, убива жена си...

Genres: India, Nonfiction, Travel, Feminism, Sociology, History, Asia

280 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1990

About the author

Elisabeth Bumiller (born May 15, 1956) is an American author and journalist who is the Pentagon correspondent for the New York Times.

Born in Aalborg, Denmark, to a Danish mother and American father, Bumiller moved to the U.S. when she was three years old. She moved to Cincinnati, where she graduated from Walnut Hills High School in 1974, and was inducted into their Alumni Hall of Fame on April 30, 2011. She is a 1977 graduate of Northwestern University and in 1979 of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.

She was a reporter for the Washington Post in Washington, New Delhi, Tokyo, and New York, before joining the New York Times.

(from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Hana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not really a book about Indian women, it's a book about a European American woman who goes to India with her husband and wants to do real reporting instead of writing fluff pieces for the Washington Post's 'Style' magazine. Bumiller is a self-confessed liberal feminist and it's pretty clear that much of Indian life appalls her. I gave her two stars because to her credit she really does try to open her mind and she does slog about India talking to a great many people.

I think the worst part of the book was its relentless, National Inquirer style focus on the luridly sensational: women who commit sati, families who kill their infant girls, women who are allegedly burned by their husbands and in-laws....By one estimate there have been 40 cases of sati (widows committing ritual suicide) since India became independent in 1947--yet India's population is over one billion people!

Bumiller, sadly, cannot get out of the way of her own narrative. In a chapter on selective abortion of girl fetuses, Bumiller spends pages of tortured prose trying to reconcile her personal conviction that women should have the freedom to choose abortion, with her inchoate sense that Indian women are abusing that freedom. I would have appreciated it more had she simply told the story without wrestling for page after page with her own dented Western sensibilities. Yet in all those angst-filled pages, it never occurs her that the Indian experience suggests how unrestricted abortion could be morally problematic in America and Europe, not just India.

Another example from the chapter on arranged marriages. Bumiller interviews a twenty year old Delhi University economics student who recently became engaged to a childhood friend her parents had chosen for her and asks the girl if she loves her fiance. "This whole concept of love is very alien to us", says the economics student. "We're more practical. I don't see stars, I don't hear little bells. But he's a very nice guy and I think I'm going to enjoy spending my life with him...I know everything about him, I know his family. On the other hand, if I was in love with this guy I would be worried because then I'd be going into it blindly."

Bumiller immediately adds her personal editorial comment: "I thought this was madness, or a good job of brainwashing, but later decided [the girl] was simply rationalizing what she had been dealt in her life." Bumiller utters this dreadfully condescending statement despite knowing that a substantial percentage of western 'love' marriages fail and are often preceded by countless painfully terminated 'relationships'. Hey, Bumiller, did it even cross your mind that the young Indian economist might have been right?

Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but I found that in retrospect I gained more insights from V. S. Naipul's India: A Million Mutinies Now than from Ms. Bumiller's nearly contemporaneous book. Naipaul, much to his credit, is able to let the people he interviews simply speak for themselves--something that they do very well.

[Piyush Verma · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a typical Indian reaction to a woman accomplishing something remarkable. "Yeh kis mitti ki bani hai?" (What soil is this women made of?). I was forced to ask myself the same trite question when I finished reading Ms. Bumiller's incredible account. It is incredible for not just being a work of great patience and physical hardship accomplished in an India 25 years ago, a much excruciating place than what it is now but its empathetic and humane narrative. It is one of the few accounts of my impoverished and strange country that does not treat the people it deals within its pages as creatures of poverty to be studied as one would study a rhino or giraffe in the Savannah. This is a book in the true journalistic tradition. Ms. Bumiller chooses to get her hands dirty in her zeal to tell a true and complete story, occasionally making efforts to include the men's point of views. In the course of her travels, she realizes, and so does the reader, that there is no typical Indian women. She refuses to make generalizations and sweeping statements, choosing not to get judgmental even when she comes face to face with the most gruesome facet of gender inequity in India - female infanticide. It is a work of great merit and of great importance, not just to the outsider looking to understand Indian women but also to the Indian looking to make sense of the bewildering difference in the status of men and women and among women of different socio-economic strata.

[Diane in Australia · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars = Don't regret reading it.

The author moved to India in 1985 and stayed for almost four years. She interviewed hundreds of women from all walks of life.

It took me a long time to get through this book, but it may have been that I wasn't in the right headspace to take it in properly.

Other reviews talk about the author having a condescending attitude towards the Indian women. I understand why they say that, but I can see both sides of the coin. Yes, she struggled to get her head around the Indian life, but I didn't feel that she was in any way negative. In fact, she accepted that she was an outsider, and would never really understand the way she wished to.

If you're interested in India, especially the women, you may like this book. It is, of course, almost 40 years since she wrote it.

[Dhara Mehta · Rating 3 out of 5]

May you be the Mother of a Hundred Sons is a documentary about the women of India. E Bumiller is a journal who follows her husband to the heart of India to see how women from different social-economic backgrounds live and work. The undereducated maid is contrasted with the police chief, the prime minister with village house wife, the artist with the mid-wife and poor young mother with the billionaire movie star. Taboo subjects such as wife burnings, sati, infanticides, feticides, are dowries are dealt with candor. For a mere 300 or so book it covers diversity of Indian womanhood with humility.

However, the book was a nauseating read for me. Coming from culture that elevates the status of women to that of a goddess and then relegating it to that of a slave is challenging of me. Reading this book, opened up old wounds, thus was a challenging read. There are times that I could not turn another page but managed to do in the hopes of a light in the tunnel. In a land where a ‘son’ is equivalent to social security a daughter is simply not valued. Only when a poor village widow lives at her married daughter house, then and only will they be equal to their brothers.

[한 카트 · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a joyless book! Way to go to a country that has one billion people in it and report the saddest stories and try to persuade us that this is what India is all about.

Take a social phenomenon. Criticize it through your holier then thou western attitude. Ask an Indian woman about it. She gives a honest answer. Discredit it her answer by writing a ten page monologue about the dangers to western feminism. Rinse, repeat. Is it that hard to accept a different culture and not try to impose your beliefs on it?

Very condescending book, makes me wonder what she really liked about India excpet living the life in a rent free appartement and treating everyone like some exotic animal at a zoo. Disappointing.

[Neha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up this book because it was lying in my bookshelf. First few pages turned me off. Yet another holier-than-thou commentary on the sad Indian women, I said when a colleague asked me how I'm liking my current read. And he said that maybe we need an outsider's perspective sometimes, for our perspective might get skewed and narrow over time. So give it a chance. And give it a chance, I did.

Almost every sentence was laced with a sweeping condescension, benchmarking the 'Indian feminism' with the 'western feminism' and a tripe on how unenlightened the Indian woman is. I'd have preferred it to be a mere reportage, sans the personal observations, for her observations do not add anything to the narrative. if at all, they make it a drag to read, especially for an Indian reader. And that makes me fearful of being seen by the world through her eyes.

The style of writing veers towards gossip sprinkled with a generous dose of random (and often hanging) statistics, rather than a journalistic venture. Not surprisingly, even in the stories of accomplished women, her desire to bring out juicy details of their lives lurks in the foreground, and her disappointment in not being able to elicit such details is palpable in her words.

And of course, not to ignore the glorious editorial errors including spellings in a few places (years for ears and so on), Kiran Bedi's year of marriage reported as two years before even her birth(!), and many more, which turned me off completely.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I suppose this is understandably somewhat dated at this point. But several sections are still relevant because of some topics in the news. It drags a bit in some places, and sometimes Bumiller puts herself into the book too much, but I found the sections on abortion to be rather interesting.

[Julia Langnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I noticed that this book was getting a whole lot of heat in the review, but on my part I thought it was a fascinating read. However, that is only when you remember what this book actually is, and keep that in mind the entirety of your reading. This is the perspective of one woman after having lived in India for 3 years, as she interviewed a selection of women in India, in the late 1980s-90s. I think that's very important to remember. It isn't a definitive guide, nor can it hope to reach any definitive conclusions, but it is a good read and does shed some light (albeit a small amount) on certain matters.
Summed up, ask yourself 3 questions as you finish this novel.
1. Does this show everything about women in India? No.
2. By reading this book, do I therefore become an expert in the status of Indian women? Also no.
3. Should I supplement reading this book with other sources about women in India, before making a better conclusion based off my own perspective? Heck yes.

[Preet · Rating 5 out of 5]

My father has always been a voracious reader. He's stopped in recent times, preferring the company of the television and his Samsung phone. I was 7 years old when we went to India for the first time. My father, to the dismay of my mother who knew we were running out of bookshelf space, bought a whole bunch of fiction and non-fiction from the bookstores of New Delhi. This was one of them. I was 9 years old when I read it for the first time. At first I didn't understand what was going on, I thought it would be as easy to get into as Mark Tully's short stories. But when the gravity of the theme sunk in - sex selective abortions, female infanticide - it changed the way I looked at families, especially other Indian families. Have they ever....? Has my family considered....? I would wonder.

This book had a profound impact on my young, impressionable mind. I went through the entire gamut of emotions - horror, sadness, shock, despair, incredulity - and when I was done, I was changed forever.

[Priyanka · Rating 3 out of 5]

The question that came to my mind is - what new things am I reading? I bought the book thinking it might provide some interesting perspective or insights but was a little disappointed. The book has a sense of an American looking at India and saying Oh my God... The author has made efforts to gather varied information and some things are nice but overall, it is an okay book. Also, it is very old - 1991. This fact should be mentioned upfront on Amazon and other book sellers.

[Itziar Kerexeta · Rating 5 out of 5]

una historia de mujeres de la India , me encantó sumergirme en esta realidad

[Vesela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Имайки пред вид поредицата, в която е издадена книгата - "Преживяно" на изд. Емас, бях настроена за някаква сълзлива история, съшита с бели конци. История, която просто четеш и забравяш за отрицателно време...
Оказа се нещо съвсем друго и бях повече от приятно изненадана от тази книга. Авторката (американка) е живяла заедно със съпруга си - кореспондент на "Вашингтон пост", 5 години в Индия. А самата тя също е журналист. По време на престоя си в Индия е имала възможност да интервюира много жени, за да направи свое собствено журналистическо разследване върху живота и положението на жените в съвременна Индия. Доста интересни неща научих за традицията на уредените бракове, традиция, спазвана и до днес. Оказа се, че любовта в Индия идва след брака... Друго интересно нещо, което ме ужаси, е подпалването на съпруги заради зестра. Ако мъжът реши, че зестрата, която родителите на булката са дали, е малка, може да я подпали безнаказано и да представи това като "битов" инцидент! А след това да си вземе нова съпруга със съответната нова зестра. За мащабите на тази "практика" можем да съдим по това, че всеки ден средно по една жена бива подпалвана в Ню Делхи.
Препоръчвам я на всеки, който се интересува от индийската култура и начин на живот.

[D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an extremely interesting book about the lives of women from various classes in India, from the poor villagers to upper-middle-class women. It gave me a bit more perspective on the lives of my MIL and SsIL. However, the book was written based on the author's experiences living in India in the 1980s, and I think things have changed so much since then, at least for the middle class. It would be interesting if the author did a follow-up.

[Nezabravka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Забележителен журналистически поглед върху "незабележимия" живот на индийската жена!

[Robin Biffle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I quit it after 150 pages. Wordy. Self-conscious. Dated. (Hana's review below nails it.)

[Akila · Rating 1 out of 5]

erhm, just another white-washed Orientalist lens.

[Renuka · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trite - many well known prejudices and pre-conceived notions; some interesting interviews. Useful as another voice, another view, even if rather blinkered. Sorry.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this many years ago. It was very good, very educational, and very sad.

[Dr. Monidipa Dutta · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, this was the other book thar my office colleague handed me this book, claiming it was a must-read, and I have to admit, Elisabeth Bumiller’s chronicle of her time in India turned out to be quite the rollercoaster ride. As a modern Indian woman, I found myself both nodding in agreement and rolling my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. I read it while I was in a 5 hr flight back to India.

Bumiller paints a vivid picture of the diverse lives of Indian women—from New Delhi’s posh socialites to the hardworking health workers in the south, and everything in between. Her detailed observations made me chuckle and cringe at the same time. The contradictions she highlights are spot-on, capturing the essence of our often chaotic but never boring lives.

One minute, you're laughing along with her stories of sophisticated Delhi parties, and the next, you're shaking your head at the stark realities faced by women in rural areas. And let’s not forget the movie stars in Bombay—Bumiller’s take on Bollywood had me in stitches. Her empathetic approach to telling these stories brings out the strength and resilience of Indian women, even in the face of adversity.

But seriously, Bumiller’s book made India feel fresh and immediate, even to someone like me who’s lived here all her life. It’s a fascinating read that raises important questions about women’s roles and challenges, not just in India but around the world.

For a book that’s both thought-provoking and entertaining, this one’s a solid 4-star read. How come there aren’t more reviews of this on Goodreads? If you want a laugh, some thought-provoking moments, and a fresh perspective on India, give this book a try!

[Shree Mandal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting despite the fact that it was written some decades ago, sadly a lot of it still resonates with the India today in how women are treated. I found a lot of the statistics really interesting, she made a story out of numbers and interviews, that takes immense skill. If I have to complain about one thing it would be this American naïveté of ignoring how interlinked things are - her expectation of a very globally visible Prime Minister making a statement against a state Chief Minister for instance is just plain ignorant - it would have caused mayhem on the streets and threatened national security. Things were presented at times with an American simplification lens, but she tied it up well in the conclusion. She did, however, come off as constantly patronising and viewing things from a Western perspective, for instance when she interviews people about arranged marriage. I also feel she cherry picked a lot of sensational topics without presenting data to back them up - for instance that of sati. It’s not exactly an issue that was common in the 80s like female infanticide which she does cover. I would have liked her to pick up more pronounced issues, like acid attacks for instance (although I’m not certain how common that was in the 80s), “Eve-teasing”, rapes. I also feel her narrative would have been stronger with some male perspectives of fathers, husbands, brothers and sons… I think there was a shift happening in the minds of men and I would have liked to see that part of the equation.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first read one chapter of this book for a history of India class, and I found it engaging both then and now. I like how the author describes her own conflicted morals about many of the situations described in the book, and I think that the interview style makes for an interesting read. Some parts were a little bit long. I felt that the Indira Gandhi chapter in particular was unnecessary, because there are plenty of good Indira Gandhi biographies out there, and the author makes it sound like her impact on the average Indian woman was negligible.

[Anna Bolhuis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I recently read this book. On the whole it was good, but as I got further into the book I found it quite frustrating and depressing to read. It is definitely written from the perspective of a Western woman, looking from her frame of reference. She makes it seem like what the Western world has is better. She sometimes makes sweeping generalisations. Also no positive statements or description of what is good in India, which there is a lot of. On the whole quite a good introduction to some issues in India or past issues, but don’t use this as your only source of info please.

[Melissa Kapoor · Rating 1 out of 5]

Colonial crap. This self-righteous "author" has done zero research into the origins of the practises she reports on. They are all colonial constructs designed to weaken Indian society and break up India. She has the nerve to paint the picture that this is all common practice in India today in order to brainwash the reader into her perverted viewpoint that she is in India as a civilising voice. Unbelievable arrogance hurting the sentiments of nearly 1.4 billion people.

[Afreen · Rating 4 out of 5]

"May you be the mother of hundred sons"
A blessing for Indian sons and a curse for indian daughters....or being a girl in india is itself a curse ?
Yes I had exactly same kind of reaction when I read the first half of the book I was devasted !!!!
Although the book was written back in 1980's where all types of social evil practices were carried on by the people towards girls/women but the anger within me could not find a surface.
But the second half did impress and inspire me. The second half consists stories of women who went beyond and took one step ahead to towards gender equality.
The stories in this book are not extra ordinary but the women are....
The book just gives one message that if a women can spend her whole life under a veil and suffocate herself and her dreams for the sake of her family. Then yes the same women can go to any extent if she decides to achieve her goals no matter what cost she has to pay for it.

[Jeffrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me, this book was insightful and as interesting as any in-depth essay on the recent history of women’s issues in India could be. Only three stars because I doubt many of my friends are as interested in India as I am, a couple of chapters were tiresome, and because the book is dated (published in 1990).

[Mariana Krasteva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Не смятам,че книгата носи най-подходящото заглавие. В нея Елизабет Бъмилър описва мнението си относно Индия и отношението към жените там. Доста страници са отделени и за историята на държавата и животът на актрисите в Боливуд. Описани са резултатите от анкета отнела около 3 години. Четивото е полезно ако искате да научите нещо повече за Индия.

[Dhartridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book on my shelves and don’t recall how it got there. It’s probably between a 3 and 4 in the sense that I skipped a few chapters. Still, rather fascinating view of Indian women’s situations in the 1980s.

[Katy Lovejoy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these are points that need to be addressed but others...i don't know.

[Priya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great information about Indian women. The author was honest but positive towards India.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book while travelling in India in 2003 - was an interesting read back then.