Confessions of a Turtle Wife

by Anita Salzberg

A lighthearted look at how one woman learned to laugh at and cope with her spouse’s “second” passion. When Anita Salzberg marries her husband, Allen, she discovers that she’s also married his “little” turtle hobby. While sports widows merely get dragged to the stadiums or the links, the turtle wife gets hauled to the pet store, the pet wholesaler and the reptile expo. Over the course of the book and numerous improbable escapades— sheltering a snapping turtle in the bathtub, ogling turtles having sex on the living room floor, and searching for turtles in pet stores across America—Turtle Wife becomes turtle lover.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Humor, Animals, Chick Lit, Biography Memoir

220 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 1, 2001

About the author

As a child growing up in Brooklyn, I never imagined falling in love with a turtle lover from the Bronx who would fill our Manhattan apartment with hard-shelled creatures. This goes to show that life and love can be inexplicably weird, and, if you're lucky, also rather wonderful.

Nor could I anticipate that my husband, Allen, and I would work together (without filing for divorce) on articles for Ranger Rick, and on three children’s books for the children’s library market, including one on turtles. I’ve also written for magazines and worked as a direct response copywriter.

Today, Allen and I live in Queens, N.Y. with two cats and a paltry five turtles.

Reviews

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the topic was certainly interesting, I couldn't help thinking that it would be more appropriate as a nonfiction book. The entire narrative is exposition without any rising action or climax. Additionally, the veil of fiction makes it difficult to really trust the content about turtles, turtle life, habits and care, and the existence of the multiple societies for the love and care of turtles. The characters themselves also seemed underdeveloped whereas there could have been more interesting plotlines underneath the main exposition. Then again, there's hardly any main plotline to begin with.

[Andrea Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

If not for the chapter about obsessing over turtle procreation, this would have been a four-star read.

The level of devotion the Turtle Society people have for their beloved critters is amazing. I loved learning about turtles from their perspective because it felt like a mom sharing stories about her children. The author’s witty presentation had me hooked on this memoir even though I am not a turtle person. Fascinating information, and there are way more species of turtles than I could have imagined.

Content: turtle procreation (referenced as “hardshell porn”), living together unwed, expletives

[Kenya Starflight · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone on the autistic spectrum, I can testify that there are people out there (me included) with overwhelming obsessions with a particular topic -- Transformers, in my case. And while the author's husband is never stated to be on the spectrum, I can identify with him having an all-consuming fascination with one thing in particular. In his case, it turns out to be turtles... and Anita Salzberg's tale of coping with her husband's turtle mania is funny, fascinating, and surprisingly informative.

When Anita's new husband, Allen, confessed to a lifelong fascination with turtles and wanted to acquire some as pets, she agreed, assuming this would mean a turtle or two in a tank somewhere in the apartment. She was NOT expecting her husband to run a turtle rescue operation out of their apartment, keep hundreds of turtles in said apartment (including enormous snapping turtles in the bathtub!), and drag her on expeditions to pet shops, turtle seminars, and nesting beaches. And despite being tired of cleaning up turtle poop and sharing her bathroom with reptiles, she realizes that she, too, is being won over by these slow but steady creatures...

Anita is by turns exasperated by her husband's obsession and tolerant of it, as I imagine anyone who discovers a loved one has an all-consuming hobby would be. And there are plenty of amusing moments throughout this book as she juggles her marriage with turtle care. But she tackles everything with good humor and a good spirit, and even manages to grow closer to her husband through his fascination with turtles. And she tells her story with wit and charm.

I also ended up learning quite a bit more about turtles than I expected, as she takes the time to explain some of the hurdles of turtle care, health, and conservation. I can't say that I'm as big of a turtle nut as Allen, but I have a new appreciation for these creatures. (There's even a guide on how to buy and raise your own pet turtle in the back of this book made you want one of your own...)

Funny and cute, this is a good book that anyone who has an obsession or a loved one with an obsession will identify with. And if you like turtles -- I'm sure there are turtle lovers out there -- you'll probably get along splendidly with Allen.

[Camille R. Polney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Turtles are pets too.

Until I read this book, I never gave turtles and tortoises much thought. But to a lot of people the life span, the facts about their habitats and just watching them is very exciting and interesting. The woman in the book accepted her husband's interest in the turtles, but did not realize till years later that she was also addicted. A very enlightening story and worth the read.

[Robyn Seaton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book. It was an interesting story, and she wrote it well. It was quite amusing, yet also serious at times. I can't say it was one of the greatest books I have ever read, but it was a very easy read and held my interest.

[Roberta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty entertaining, though the habit of jumping back and forth in time was confusing.

[Heather Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprisingly Wonderful

This was offered as a free kindle and it looked like something my daughter's may enjoy so I got it. After hearing them talk about what a good book it was, I decided to peruse it. What a joy it was to read. The author has a wonderful way of teaching through the humorous stories she tells about her experiences as a turtle wife (someone married to a man obsessed with turtles). Not only difference did I learn some amazing things about the beautiful creatures, but as the book progressed, so did my ability to understand why someone would become so enthusiastic about them. I recommend this book to anyone from teen to adult who has an interest in animals, or just loves to laugh.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know how I'm just now reading this. I bought it on my Kindle the other day, but had never heard of it before, and I consider myself a bit of a turtle connoisseur!
It's a love story. A book about the love between a husband and wife, husband and turtles, and turtle & turtle. Cute & entertaining, a fast read that will have you laughing out loud & quoting passages to anyone who will stand still to listen (including your dog). I LOVED it. And it's educational, to boot. Follow a Turtle Wife's transition from unknowing to near expert, you have no idea how much fun it will be. And how hard these Turtle People work, relentlessly.

[Natalia Vargas · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice little book with fun stories about "turtle people". Easy to read, fast and fun. And in between you get to learn some basics on how to take care of a turtle/tortoise by reading what the couple did right or wrong. You have to read it, knowing that this book doesn't intend to be a manual on turtle care or be super specific about any species. It's just a woman, telling the tales about her husband's pets and how she became a turtle person after all.

[Staci Troilo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good read full of information about turtles in an easy to read format. Even though I didn't go into the book a turtle fan, I finished the book with an avid appreciation of them and a greater understanding of their place and needs on our planet. Salzberg imparts so much wisdom in so short a space, and she does in in an entertaining fashion.

[Donna Nova · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an honest and humorous look at the life of turtle rescuers.

Kudos to Anita for respecting her husband's passion for wildlife rescue. I read this book straight through with only one bathroom break. This should be required reading for anyone wanting to buy a turtle for a pet. Loved it!

[Corina]

Turtle Soup

This was both interesting and boring at different times. I think that for me it got a little too involved in places. And, while it stayed out in a humorous tone, that was quickly lost. The last twenty per cent was very slow. If you are a turtle liver, by all means get this, but if you're not, you might want to pass.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed through this whole book. Sometimes outloud. This lady really got herself into a fix when she chose her boyfriend/then husband. I would recommend this to anyone who wants to read something really good with some interesting facts and information thrown in for good measure. I ended up buying this book in paperback for a good friend who is just as crazy about turtles.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who is married to someone with a hobby they are truly passionate about will relate to this book. The author is a good sport and eventually becomes "one of them" in the turtle world. Fun read. I wish it included photos. I believe some of those habitats were awesome.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an amusing bit about a woman whose husband had an obsession with turtles and she grew to have one of her own. I learned a lot about turtles in general and also some very interesting tidbits about those who keep them, and the whole turtle trade.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite a cute read.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

very informative from how to care for turtles to how turtles have been exploited across the world. quick read

[Angie Boyter]

This is free on Kindle until November 11 and sounded intriguing.I bought it, but ho knows when I will be abel to read it?

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very fun read. Many laugh-out-loud moments.

[Maren · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked her writing style, but the topic was just not as engaging to me as it was to her.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and informative. I learned so much about turtles!

[Suzi Obrien · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book because I thought the premise was interesting. It took a while to get into but I am glad I stuck with it. Enjoyable and entertaining!

[Angela Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really surprised at how much I enjoyed this book. Well written

[Dee-Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is interesting and is almost a manual on how to keep turtles (and a husband who is a tutle-enthusiast). I like turtles and learnt a lot about this intriguing beasts.

[Mk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book but that may be due to my slight obsession with the topic subjects.

The book was fun to read while learning about turtles.

[Connie · Rating 3 out of 5]

More about turtles than I would ordinarily want to know, but it was a good read on a recent flight to Seattle-- not too demanding and entertaining enough.

[Hilary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Turtle person

As a lifelong turtle lover and former pet turtle owner, I really related to this book and the idea of being a turtle person. This was an enjoyable read.

[Ginger · Rating 2 out of 5]

An okay read. I learned a lot about turtle behavior.

[Donna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just wasn't my "cup of tea".