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After A Funeral
This is the story of how and why a talented writer came to kill himself. When Diana Athill met the man she calls Didi, an Egyptian in exile, she fell in love instantly and out of love just as fast. Didi moved into her flat, they shared housework and holidays, and a life of easy intimacy seemed to beckon. But Didi's sweetness and intelligence soon revealed a darker side - he was a gambler, a drinker and a womanizer, impossible to live with but impossible to ignore. With painful honesty, Athill explores the three years they spent together, a period that culminated in Didi's suicide - in her home - an event he described in the journals he left for her to read as 'the one authentic act of my life'.
176 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1986
23 people are currently reading
575 people want to read
About the author
Diana Athill
34 books226 followersDiana Athill was a British literary editor, novelist and memoirist who worked with some of the greatest writers of the 20th century at the London-based publishing company André Deutsch Ltd.
She was born in Norfolk in 1917 and educated at home until she was fourteen. She read English at Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford and graduated in 1939. She spent the war years working at the BBC Overseas Service in the News Information Department. After the war she met André Deutsch and fell into publishing. She worked as an editor, first at Allan Wingate and then at André Deutsch, until her retirement at the age of 75 in 1993.
Her books include An Unavoidable Delay, a collection of short stories published in 1962 and two 'documentary' books After A Funeral and Make Believe. Stet is a memoir of Diana Athill's fifty-year career in publishing. Granta has also reissued a memoir Instead of a Letter and her only novel Don't Look at Me Like That. She lived in Primrose Hill in London.
She was born in Norfolk in 1917 and educated at home until she was fourteen. She read English at Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford and graduated in 1939. She spent the war years working at the BBC Overseas Service in the News Information Department. After the war she met André Deutsch and fell into publishing. She worked as an editor, first at Allan Wingate and then at André Deutsch, until her retirement at the age of 75 in 1993.
Her books include An Unavoidable Delay, a collection of short stories published in 1962 and two 'documentary' books After A Funeral and Make Believe. Stet is a memoir of Diana Athill's fifty-year career in publishing. Granta has also reissued a memoir Instead of a Letter and her only novel Don't Look at Me Like That. She lived in Primrose Hill in London.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
August 13, 2012
I picked this book up because it was an account of the final few years of Waguih Ghali's life, a memoir written by his friend and at one point lover, Diana Athill. After reading Ghali's only book, 'Beer in the Snooker Club' a few months ago, I became obsessed with knowing what little information there was on this Egyptian writer, and this book was the only other source of information on his life. It details Waguih's battle with his emotional demons, his ups and downs and also his brilliant highs, and finally, his suicide from an overdose in Athill's flat. Using extracts from both Waguih and her own diaries, Athill conjures up a brilliant and painful memoir of those few years they spent together. She is an unjustly underrated author who writes with an uncompromising honesty about their relationship. For anyone who has ever gone through a deep friendship with a troubled individual, this book hits the nail on the head. I only have one qualm with this book, and that is that despite her brutal honesty about their relationship, she did not go into detail about Waguih's troubled childhood. She implies on more than one occasion that his childhood was to blame for much of his depression (indeed, the final line of the book is "This account was written for [Waguih], and for those who plan to raise children."), yet she glosses over the details of his childhood. So, forty years later, all we can do is try and piece the puzzle together from these small pieces and hints that we've been given.
February 3, 2019
كتاب كان صعب عليا. فهمني كتير عن وجيه. حياته مأساوية. كتاب متعب جدًا.
June 28, 2022
I'm rounding this one up to four stars as it's well written (of course), tackling a tough subject.
However, when all is said and done its the story of a highly dysfunctional relationship on both parts. Didi was far more ill than could've been realized by a (non-medical) lay person like Diana. But, she gave him just too much latitude, rather than taking him at his word that he grew to irrationally loathe her.
So, what we have here is a retrospective analysis of a trainwreck. As another "layperson" I feel it could've been avoided had Didi seen a competent therapist to address his childhood issues. I'm going to have to agree with Diana's assessment that he really had little hope of living a "normal" life at the end.
If it sounds as though I regret buying the book, not so at all. The story is interesting, just exhausting from lots of drama.
However, when all is said and done its the story of a highly dysfunctional relationship on both parts. Didi was far more ill than could've been realized by a (non-medical) lay person like Diana. But, she gave him just too much latitude, rather than taking him at his word that he grew to irrationally loathe her.
So, what we have here is a retrospective analysis of a trainwreck. As another "layperson" I feel it could've been avoided had Didi seen a competent therapist to address his childhood issues. I'm going to have to agree with Diana's assessment that he really had little hope of living a "normal" life at the end.
If it sounds as though I regret buying the book, not so at all. The story is interesting, just exhausting from lots of drama.
February 10, 2016
It's actually 4.5 stars, more of which later. I discovered Diana Athill last year and I adore her. It's not just that she is formidable and almost 100 years old, although I am thoroughly impressed by her personality. More importantly, however, I enjoy her writing voice: it's unsentimental, incisive and clear. She admits herself that she loves to observe people and likes to gossip and decades of practice have honed her ability to perceive the truth of people and their relationships to perfection. She is the only person I've ever wanted to ask for relationship advice. The story in this book, of the rise and fall (mostly fall) of her close friend, an Egyptian writer, is ideal for showcasing her abilities.
So why not 5 stars? The main strength of the book, her analytical and non-judging approach is also its weakness. Athill says of herself (on page 113 in my Kindle version) that she is "one of those people who are hardly ever totally involved in an emotion". That detachment she describes is also present in the book. I understand, of course, that this is how she manages to write such sharply revealing prose. Without that distance, this book would not exist or would lack the qualities I must admire. But I'm still detracting half a star for it. One might call it an emotional choice.
So why not 5 stars? The main strength of the book, her analytical and non-judging approach is also its weakness. Athill says of herself (on page 113 in my Kindle version) that she is "one of those people who are hardly ever totally involved in an emotion". That detachment she describes is also present in the book. I understand, of course, that this is how she manages to write such sharply revealing prose. Without that distance, this book would not exist or would lack the qualities I must admire. But I'm still detracting half a star for it. One might call it an emotional choice.
December 12, 2016
Diana Athill’s memoir is of her friendship with an Egyptian exile she names Didi. The blurb on the front cover of my edition offers ‘a sense of proportion’ as one of the qualities of the book. Only after finishing did I realise what high praise this actually was. Athill’s friendship with her insufferable houseguest was riven with envy, petty deceit, self-delusion, self-pity and the low-grade sexual fever one develops towards someone whom one quite likes but does not actually desire.
Thwarted by the obstacles of migrancy and alcoholism, Didi never became the truly great writer he fancied he was. But he bequeaths to Athill his prize possession; a meticulously maintained diary. Contrasting Didi’s entries with her own recollections, Athill tells Didi’s painful story. She dwells mostly on their own entanglement. Teenagers today would call them frenemies. But they were much more. While uncannily misunderstanding the others’ intentions, often to the point of rage and denunciation, they carved out a singular relationship. Together Didi and Athill gave flight to their vanities but also adjusted to the shrinking horizons of their own ambitions. Most of all, they found in each other a brutally honest fellow-traveller.
Written years after the tragic event that ended their association, Athill’s book has the rarest quality; the kind of psychological clarity and absence of pretense that, I suspect, only advanced age truly brings. She neither ‘confronts’ the past, nor sugar-coats it. Athill has reached a point of balance and she is a good enough writer to capture that in the perfect tone. Her memoir feels like the absolute truth of the situation. It’s a short, wonderful, poignant read. Didi, with all his conceits, would have been infuriated with her and ludicrously proud.
Thwarted by the obstacles of migrancy and alcoholism, Didi never became the truly great writer he fancied he was. But he bequeaths to Athill his prize possession; a meticulously maintained diary. Contrasting Didi’s entries with her own recollections, Athill tells Didi’s painful story. She dwells mostly on their own entanglement. Teenagers today would call them frenemies. But they were much more. While uncannily misunderstanding the others’ intentions, often to the point of rage and denunciation, they carved out a singular relationship. Together Didi and Athill gave flight to their vanities but also adjusted to the shrinking horizons of their own ambitions. Most of all, they found in each other a brutally honest fellow-traveller.
Written years after the tragic event that ended their association, Athill’s book has the rarest quality; the kind of psychological clarity and absence of pretense that, I suspect, only advanced age truly brings. She neither ‘confronts’ the past, nor sugar-coats it. Athill has reached a point of balance and she is a good enough writer to capture that in the perfect tone. Her memoir feels like the absolute truth of the situation. It’s a short, wonderful, poignant read. Didi, with all his conceits, would have been infuriated with her and ludicrously proud.
July 24, 2011
Thank God I bought this book, because I underlined more passages than I have in any other book, ever. I know Diana is now in her 90's, but I really wish I could meet her or write to her- I feel a kinship with her because of this book.
It follows her friendship with Didi, a younger, depressive Egyptian from the time they meet through when he commits suicide in her apartment. He is at turns witty, intelligent, sensitive, and then sullen, drunk, hostile, irresponsible. The book takes place in the late 60's, before many of the modern treatments were available for depression. I am so impressed with Athill's insights (aided, naturally, by the diaries Didi left behind) into this complex and emotionally demanding friend.
It follows her friendship with Didi, a younger, depressive Egyptian from the time they meet through when he commits suicide in her apartment. He is at turns witty, intelligent, sensitive, and then sullen, drunk, hostile, irresponsible. The book takes place in the late 60's, before many of the modern treatments were available for depression. I am so impressed with Athill's insights (aided, naturally, by the diaries Didi left behind) into this complex and emotionally demanding friend.
July 20, 2016
Athill has achieved something quite remarkable with this memoir. She has given a honest account of mental illness without falling into the two most common traps 1) pitying sentimentality and 2) clinical approach. Of course the book is uncomfortable to read, but mental illness almost always is, to those who witness it first hand. I guess it was her very strong ability to observe and be emotionally detached at almost all times, to come out of those events without much lasting damage. A beautiful book. She shows more love and compassion with her, sometimes indifferent, prose than any melodrama ever could have.
4 stars only because I have read "Stet" before and I know that she can do even better than that.
4 stars only because I have read "Stet" before and I know that she can do even better than that.
May 10, 2025
when i told my professor i was reading this (because she assigned beer in the snooker club) she looked at me and she stretched her arm out to me and said 'i just got chills'. same. need to get myself out of the waguih ghali rabbit hole. but i might be reading his diaries next...
June 11, 2013
After a Funeral – Diana Athill
I thought the author Diana Athill did a very thorough and introspective account of her time spent allowing Didi (her younger Egyptian friend who is also an author). I appreciated that Diana was saintly enough to assist a needy person even though she had an underlying attraction to the much younger writer that probably grew into convenience and friendship after her partner Luke had been away on business. Other times I felt slightly irritated by her passivity and compliance as it was maddening letting Didi rage or take advantage of her and her home.
At other times, disturbingly, I could relate to Didi’s personality traits to my own. I am sure everyone could at times especially being unreasonably irritated by the ones loved the most or just consumed by my inner world so much that I cannot get outside of my own way. At these times I could empathize with poor Didi, because he just let himself get in his own way.
Other times I thought he could benefit from medication if it had been available at the time since this memoir has taken place in 1960s.
I thought it was a bit odd to allow Diana to read his diary. I was glad Diana could get a glimpse into Didi’s head to know that he was aware of himself—that’s healthy. Didi realized that he himself was impossible and probably didn’t know how to handle himself.
“He was disgusted by these things, disgusted by the irrationality of the loathing he was feeling for me, disgusted and baffled by his own inability to do what thousands of exiles manage to do: earn their keep by buckling down to whatever work their persistence finds, however uncongenial. He wrote about this once from a deep pit of despair when the only alternative to constant humiliation and guilt that he could envisage was death.”
When Didi kills himself at the end, I was glad that I could feel sort of bad for him because I began to dislike him with every attempt Diana made to accommodate him emotionally and physically. Perhaps, his mental disposition came from having been shuffled from home to home as Didi and Diana had reflected.
“His intelligence, his gifts-useless to him. Other people’s patience, kindness, affection, understanding-useless to him. Love? Too late, and equally useless. I for one could have loved Didi more and better than I did, but all that would have happened then would have been that he’d have had more love to disbelieve in. He was certain at too deep a level, in the very fibres of his being, that he was unworthy of love. Being unworthy of love, he must be punished; and the only way he could secure this was by plunging out the point where he was driven to punish himself. To be murdered would be a fate much simpler, and less sad.”
“This record has been written for him, and for people who are going to have children.”
I thought the author Diana Athill did a very thorough and introspective account of her time spent allowing Didi (her younger Egyptian friend who is also an author). I appreciated that Diana was saintly enough to assist a needy person even though she had an underlying attraction to the much younger writer that probably grew into convenience and friendship after her partner Luke had been away on business. Other times I felt slightly irritated by her passivity and compliance as it was maddening letting Didi rage or take advantage of her and her home.
At other times, disturbingly, I could relate to Didi’s personality traits to my own. I am sure everyone could at times especially being unreasonably irritated by the ones loved the most or just consumed by my inner world so much that I cannot get outside of my own way. At these times I could empathize with poor Didi, because he just let himself get in his own way.
Other times I thought he could benefit from medication if it had been available at the time since this memoir has taken place in 1960s.
I thought it was a bit odd to allow Diana to read his diary. I was glad Diana could get a glimpse into Didi’s head to know that he was aware of himself—that’s healthy. Didi realized that he himself was impossible and probably didn’t know how to handle himself.
“He was disgusted by these things, disgusted by the irrationality of the loathing he was feeling for me, disgusted and baffled by his own inability to do what thousands of exiles manage to do: earn their keep by buckling down to whatever work their persistence finds, however uncongenial. He wrote about this once from a deep pit of despair when the only alternative to constant humiliation and guilt that he could envisage was death.”
When Didi kills himself at the end, I was glad that I could feel sort of bad for him because I began to dislike him with every attempt Diana made to accommodate him emotionally and physically. Perhaps, his mental disposition came from having been shuffled from home to home as Didi and Diana had reflected.
“His intelligence, his gifts-useless to him. Other people’s patience, kindness, affection, understanding-useless to him. Love? Too late, and equally useless. I for one could have loved Didi more and better than I did, but all that would have happened then would have been that he’d have had more love to disbelieve in. He was certain at too deep a level, in the very fibres of his being, that he was unworthy of love. Being unworthy of love, he must be punished; and the only way he could secure this was by plunging out the point where he was driven to punish himself. To be murdered would be a fate much simpler, and less sad.”
“This record has been written for him, and for people who are going to have children.”
September 18, 2023
After A Funeral is Diana Athill’s account of her time in London with Egyptian writer Waguih Ghali. What emerges is a portrait of a very talented writer and a deeply disturbed individual who committed suicide in Diana Athill’s London flat in 1969.
This is Athill’s reflection after Ghali’s suicide:
“It was intolerable that a man should be so crippled by things done to him in his defenceless childhood that he had been made, literally and precisely, unendurable to himself. He had tried to change. All through his adult life the part of him which he thought of as his ‘mental sanity’ had stood in the wings and watched the part he called ‘emotional insanity’ - watched and judged, in vain.”
I’d definitely recommend Waguih Ghali’s only novel, Beer in the Snooker Club, set in Cairo in the 1960s.
I recently bought both volumes of Waguih Ghali’s diaries which were published in 2016.
This is Athill’s reflection after Ghali’s suicide:
“It was intolerable that a man should be so crippled by things done to him in his defenceless childhood that he had been made, literally and precisely, unendurable to himself. He had tried to change. All through his adult life the part of him which he thought of as his ‘mental sanity’ had stood in the wings and watched the part he called ‘emotional insanity’ - watched and judged, in vain.”
I’d definitely recommend Waguih Ghali’s only novel, Beer in the Snooker Club, set in Cairo in the 1960s.
I recently bought both volumes of Waguih Ghali’s diaries which were published in 2016.
July 20, 2013
Brilliant, honest, and heart-breaking!
March 6, 2019
https://wwv.almanassa.net/ar/story/11...
الريفيو كامل في موقع المنصة ☺
الريفيو كامل في موقع المنصة ☺
June 14, 2020
Diana Athill tells of her three year friendship with an Egyptian exile that culminated in his suicide in her apartment.
Diana Athill is an amazing author. She honestly and unflinchingly shares her life with you, fully admitting to thoughts that others might gloss over or not include. I've decided to read all of her nonfiction, so I included this one. I'm giving this one three stars rather than the usual four because the book is much more about her friend, Didi, than about herself. It's still affecting - Didi had some form of medical illness that spun him in and out of 'the deps' (as he called it) resulting in his suicide by sleeping pills. It was a hard read because part of the author's gift is to plunge you right into whatever life events she's writing about, and plunging into a suicidal man's life is not something I would normally want to read.
Diana Athill is an amazing author. She honestly and unflinchingly shares her life with you, fully admitting to thoughts that others might gloss over or not include. I've decided to read all of her nonfiction, so I included this one. I'm giving this one three stars rather than the usual four because the book is much more about her friend, Didi, than about herself. It's still affecting - Didi had some form of medical illness that spun him in and out of 'the deps' (as he called it) resulting in his suicide by sleeping pills. It was a hard read because part of the author's gift is to plunge you right into whatever life events she's writing about, and plunging into a suicidal man's life is not something I would normally want to read.
February 11, 2019
This is Athill’s account of her five year relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. It’s also a tale of co-dependency and suicide, and while it made for engaging reading, it provoked a sense of unease in me. While Athill describes Didi’s behaviour in all it’s outrageousness, she makes it clear that she sees his profound narcissism as a deep seated illness over which he has very little control. To which there is some truth. As much a narcissists may loathe you, the invariably loathe themselves much more. Didi’s fate was accelerated because he understood the hopelessness of his situation, which Athill believes made suicide his only option. Not sure I agree with her there, but I can certainly understand her thinking. Suicides in narcissists, especially later in life are far from uncommon.
July 8, 2021
حياة وجيه غالي الغريبة والغامضة والحزينة. كتابة أتهيل هنا كشفت الكثير عنها. الكتاب ده مهم للغاية ليس فقط لاكتشاف العديد من غوامض هذه النفس المعقدة والغريبة. لكن لأنه مرجع أدبي هام لتحليل الشخصية الحدية واضطراباتها.
October 15, 2021
من لديه اهتمام بالكاتب وجيه غالي فسيكون هذا الكتاب جيداً له . محظوظ هو وجيه أن وجد من يتحمل كل قساوته المرعبة .
و فيه استبصارات متقنة لمحاولة تفهم كيف تُعاش حياة من يحُب من طرفٍ واحد
و فيه استبصارات متقنة لمحاولة تفهم كيف تُعاش حياة من يحُب من طرفٍ واحد
August 9, 2022
Anthill’s honest and unflinching account of living with someone with mental health issues.
She shows sympathy, frustration, anger and despair for her friend’s behaviour while remaining honest about her own.
Ultimately After a Funeral is a book about love in its complex and difficult forms.
She shows sympathy, frustration, anger and despair for her friend’s behaviour while remaining honest about her own.
Ultimately After a Funeral is a book about love in its complex and difficult forms.
January 12, 2015
I fucking hate Diana with a passion
March 17, 2019
Thanks to Dina
September 12, 2020
A beautiful, and painfully honest, examination of a friendship. And a killer final line. I picked up this book in Hay, not knowing anything about Diana Athill, then put off reading it for a year because of the title. Finally I encountered Athill in the Radio 4 'Good Read' archives and immediately wanted to read her work. 'After the Funeral' shines a light on the mysterious and miraculous messiness of deep friendship. As in any relationship the 'quick win' of the initial 'gloss' gradually fades to reveal the difficulties of knowing someone on their own terms. It's an ugly, at times shameful, but utterly human endeavour, and reading this book has made me re-examine some of my own attempts across the years.
May 14, 2018
What a roller coaster of a book! Hard to read, but harder to put down. An account of living with someone who, to put it mildly, had some serious issues. Incredible that the author spent 3 years enduring / putting up with this and would have gone even longer had suicide not intervened. Told with unflinching honesty and adroitly putting her finger on the damage done to a young child that couldn't be repaired or overcome by the adult. Very sad and instructive. As she ends the book: "This record has been written for him, and for people who are going to have children."
May 11, 2017
I'm sorry I read part of this book. Loved Gahli's Beer in the Snooker Club and was very excited to discover this book as I thought Gahli would be fascinating to read more about. So was disappointed to realize how seriously damaged this guy was. I don't doubt he was clinically ill, but his disgusting treatment of others and moral choices were a real put-off. Don't know why Athill put up with him and since her writing style wasn't to my taste, I gave up after about 75 pages.
January 12, 2020
A memoir of her friendship with the Egyptian-born writer Waguih Ghali, ending 'This record has been written for him, and for people who are going to have children.' - the latter because the book is essentially about how the emotional environment of a child fundamentally influences the character and emotional experience of the adult.
March 8, 2025
This memoir is memorable for the author's devastating honesty. She charts the descent into madness and isolation of her friend and lodger Didi and her inability to intervene. The book is heartbreaking as the reader knows there is nothing the author can do to improve the situation. However because of the honesty of the author in desccribing her's and Didi's friendship the book is a riveting read.
March 31, 2022
This is London's very gifted editor's memoir of living in the same (her) house as her melancholic Egyptian friend, an author. She of course is his editor. An insightful, loving analysis of this man's crippled and hurting life.
July 31, 2019
هناك الكثير لنقوله عن هذه المذكرات
August 8, 2019
Probably the most torturing book I have/will ever read.
February 9, 2020
Just didn't like it, nothing about the writing - but ultimately felt unsympathetic for one of the central characters, and raced through the last 30-odd pages because of repetitive self-destruction.
June 2, 2020
صار كتابي الأثير.
July 22, 2022
سيئة .
السرد سيء ، السيرة سيئة ، الترجمة سيئة
السرد سيء ، السيرة سيئة ، الترجمة سيئة
Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews