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by Janet Surrey

Most popular books about relationships stress gender We're from different planets, we don't understand each other, our words have different meanings, and so forth. This book asserts that we can understand our differences and get past them, replacing isolation with connection in a healthy, growth-fostering relationship. The authors call this "getting to 'we.'" Shem and Surrey have worked with more than 20,000 men, women, boys, and girls. We hear workshop participants using "gender dialogue": asking questions to aid in understanding and reconnecting, such as "Name three strengths the other gender group brings to relationships," "What do you most want to understand about the other gender group?", and "What do you most want the other gender group to understand about you?" "Disconnections between men and women are inevitable--no one ever gets it right the first time, or all the time," say the authors. "It's not only what you do that matters, it's what you do next ." This book gives insights into our differences--such as men's "relational dread" and women's "relational yearning," and how to move past conflict to collaboration. The chapter "How Couples Grow" is invaluable, describing a detailed process to work through impasses and rediscover the "we" in your relationship. --Joan Price

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Janet Surrey is a Buddhist dharma leader and clinical psychologist internationally known for her work on relational theories of women’s psychological development, diversity, mothering, adoption, and substance abuse. Among other venues, Surrey has taught at Harvard Medical School and the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. She is the author of several books. She currently divides her time between Boston, MA and Tierra Tranquila, Costa Rica.

Reviews

[Joel Moorhead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, roadmaps to more comfortable conversations that encourage understanding of gender differences and build lasting relationships. Highly recommended

[Vita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes an oldie but rally great reseaerch