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Vodkaberg: Nine Years in Russia
In the year 2000, English Teacher X moved to the bankrupt, frozen, desolate country of Russia, seeking a quiet life.
Instead, he found himself the center of attention of the gorgeous, sexy, amoral, and abundant female population of the city of Vodkaberg, as one of the few foreign residents there.
At first bewildered and uncomfortable with the attention, he soon grew to love it and found himself settling in for a long stay of girl-chasing and vodka-drinking, and staying much, much longer than he planned.
But as the years pass, Russia begins to change and develop into a fast-growing modern oil superpower, one that is increasingly nationalistic and hostile to foreign residents.
The lives of the English teachers, however, remain mired in a perpetual adolescence of self-gratification, and English Teacher X's conflicted emotions about his life begin to come burbling out at strange time and in bizarre ways ...
VODKABERG: NINE YEARS IN RUSSIA is a portrait of troubled people in a troubled country during a time of rapid change, and another examination of the darker side of English teaching and life abroad.
Instead, he found himself the center of attention of the gorgeous, sexy, amoral, and abundant female population of the city of Vodkaberg, as one of the few foreign residents there.
At first bewildered and uncomfortable with the attention, he soon grew to love it and found himself settling in for a long stay of girl-chasing and vodka-drinking, and staying much, much longer than he planned.
But as the years pass, Russia begins to change and develop into a fast-growing modern oil superpower, one that is increasingly nationalistic and hostile to foreign residents.
The lives of the English teachers, however, remain mired in a perpetual adolescence of self-gratification, and English Teacher X's conflicted emotions about his life begin to come burbling out at strange time and in bizarre ways ...
VODKABERG: NINE YEARS IN RUSSIA is a portrait of troubled people in a troubled country during a time of rapid change, and another examination of the darker side of English teaching and life abroad.
447 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 28, 2012
12 people are currently reading
43 people want to read
About the author
English Teacher X
16 books12 followersEnglish Teacher X is a 15-year veteran of the TEFL industry. He has taught English in Thailand, Korea, Prague, Russia and is currently an English teacher in the Middle East. A legendary and shadowy figure in the TEFL world, many of his stories are vivid portraits of a drunken, womanizing English teacher abroad. He maintains a blog at http://www.englishteacherx.com.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
February 8, 2021
1.5
My main issue with this book is that it was super fucking BORING. As far as I can tell, if this book is accurate, nothing ever happens to English X except getting drunk, getting into stupid arguments over nothing, and having sex. It's so repetitive.
This was kind of an interesting book to read after his TEFL guide. I still maintain that is a good book to read, because it's pretty accurate.
This book, however, only reinforces my optinion that the author is incredibly disgusting. I'm totally blown away by how high the average rating for this book is. Like, wtf. The dude talks about fucking underage girls into his 30's and literally tells you nothing about Russia except what a drunken mess he was for 9 years.
Skip this one. There are better books about living in Russia. There are also better books about having lots of sex, too.
My main issue with this book is that it was super fucking BORING. As far as I can tell, if this book is accurate, nothing ever happens to English X except getting drunk, getting into stupid arguments over nothing, and having sex. It's so repetitive.
This was kind of an interesting book to read after his TEFL guide. I still maintain that is a good book to read, because it's pretty accurate.
This book, however, only reinforces my optinion that the author is incredibly disgusting. I'm totally blown away by how high the average rating for this book is. Like, wtf. The dude talks about fucking underage girls into his 30's and literally tells you nothing about Russia except what a drunken mess he was for 9 years.
Skip this one. There are better books about living in Russia. There are also better books about having lots of sex, too.
June 21, 2023
"Against boredom even the gods contend in vain." – Friedrich Nietzsche
"The problem with traveling all the time is you have a lot of goodbyes."
Reads like a very poorly written erotica, very little of the wise quips on pointless travel and the failings of the EFL system, the world over, that had made me read my first ETX novel.
Took up far too much time listing down all the supposed exploits of a man who clearly needed professional help or a bit of soul searching at the very least.
"The problem with traveling all the time is you have a lot of goodbyes."
Reads like a very poorly written erotica, very little of the wise quips on pointless travel and the failings of the EFL system, the world over, that had made me read my first ETX novel.
Took up far too much time listing down all the supposed exploits of a man who clearly needed professional help or a bit of soul searching at the very least.
January 15, 2023
Post-Soviet Russia makes the Wild West look like a Sunday School picnic.
Every time I read one of English Teacher X's books, I think "TMI, buddy. TMI!" In this book, I was thinking that on every page. As our boy quickly discovered, sex is a commodity in Russia and it was the ultimate buyer's market. I wondered why he feels compelled to tell us EVERY TIME he has sex, even if it's only with himself. But in the third book of the trilogy, he lets out that he's now selling "erotic shorts" on Amazon, presumably under a different pen name. Wonder if he'll ever write anything his Mom will let him sign his own name to?
I wish him all the best, but I find his detailed "And then I did this and then she did that" sexual reports about as erotic as a colonoscopy report. However, I'm NOT his "target demographic" (as we say now) and maybe all the practice he got in Russia will help him in his new career. God speed, X.
So why do I read his books? In between all the frat-boy nonsense there's some incredibly shrewd observations of a culture that most Americans find as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. He may make lousy decisions, but it's not from stupidity or from being unaware of his surroundings. He's paying attention all the time and his readers get the benefit of it. And for a westerner to spend nine years in Russia is almost unheard of.
He landed there in 2000, after stints teaching English in various Asian countries. The town he calls "Vodkaberg" was close to being a bachelor's paradise. Most Russians were poor, prices were low, and his salary went a long, long way. After decades of isolation, Russians were eager to learn English and to get to know Americans. He was a popular guy.
The Russian women were NOT "all prostitutes" as he had been told, but there was little social stigma against promiscuity and what existed was easily ignored. For young women, their looks and sexual availability was their most valuable commodity and they traded in it freely. A Westerner who bought dinner for a girl (and maybe her friends) was assured of getting to take at least one of them home with him. Bachelor's paradise, indeed.
By the time he left in 2009, the situation had changed radically. The Russian economy had heated up and locals were making money. That meant higher prices, while salaries for English teachers remained stagnant. Putin led a Nationalist movement that made Westerners unpopular and sometimes in danger. And travel opportunities meant his school was able to hire Russians who had lived abroad. They may not have been completely fluent, but they were willing to teach English at much lower salaries than Westerners demanded. Profit is the name of the game.
Seeing the hand-writing on the wall, English Teacher X relocated to the polar opposite of the known universe - the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. No worries about escaping the clutches of women there. He never saw any. Booze was forbidden, so his liver took a much-needed sabbatical. And the exorbitant salaries, combined with minimal shopping opportunities, meant that he could stick back some serious savings.
Still, you sense that he left his heart in Russia in more ways than one. The Russian mentality may be horrifying, but it's never boring. Preparing students to answer questions at foreign universities, he brought up the topic of charitable work. His students' opinions were unanimous. "We know foreigners like to do charitable work, but we Russians think it's stupid."
Every time he was lulled into believing that Vodkaberg was Anytown, USA with beautiful women and cheaper vodka, he slammed into a cultural gap that makes the Grand Canyon look like a drainage ditch. He lived through some fascinating times and we get to experience them right along with him. If you can skip through his sex life, it's a fine read. And if you find his sex life titillating, you're in luck.
He's a good writer and an interesting man, if maddeningly immature. Basically, he's just a guy who never aged beyond about 12 years old. It's meant that his life has followed some unusual paths. Wouldn't want to be him or be related to him, but his memories make for unforgettable books.
Every time I read one of English Teacher X's books, I think "TMI, buddy. TMI!" In this book, I was thinking that on every page. As our boy quickly discovered, sex is a commodity in Russia and it was the ultimate buyer's market. I wondered why he feels compelled to tell us EVERY TIME he has sex, even if it's only with himself. But in the third book of the trilogy, he lets out that he's now selling "erotic shorts" on Amazon, presumably under a different pen name. Wonder if he'll ever write anything his Mom will let him sign his own name to?
I wish him all the best, but I find his detailed "And then I did this and then she did that" sexual reports about as erotic as a colonoscopy report. However, I'm NOT his "target demographic" (as we say now) and maybe all the practice he got in Russia will help him in his new career. God speed, X.
So why do I read his books? In between all the frat-boy nonsense there's some incredibly shrewd observations of a culture that most Americans find as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. He may make lousy decisions, but it's not from stupidity or from being unaware of his surroundings. He's paying attention all the time and his readers get the benefit of it. And for a westerner to spend nine years in Russia is almost unheard of.
He landed there in 2000, after stints teaching English in various Asian countries. The town he calls "Vodkaberg" was close to being a bachelor's paradise. Most Russians were poor, prices were low, and his salary went a long, long way. After decades of isolation, Russians were eager to learn English and to get to know Americans. He was a popular guy.
The Russian women were NOT "all prostitutes" as he had been told, but there was little social stigma against promiscuity and what existed was easily ignored. For young women, their looks and sexual availability was their most valuable commodity and they traded in it freely. A Westerner who bought dinner for a girl (and maybe her friends) was assured of getting to take at least one of them home with him. Bachelor's paradise, indeed.
By the time he left in 2009, the situation had changed radically. The Russian economy had heated up and locals were making money. That meant higher prices, while salaries for English teachers remained stagnant. Putin led a Nationalist movement that made Westerners unpopular and sometimes in danger. And travel opportunities meant his school was able to hire Russians who had lived abroad. They may not have been completely fluent, but they were willing to teach English at much lower salaries than Westerners demanded. Profit is the name of the game.
Seeing the hand-writing on the wall, English Teacher X relocated to the polar opposite of the known universe - the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. No worries about escaping the clutches of women there. He never saw any. Booze was forbidden, so his liver took a much-needed sabbatical. And the exorbitant salaries, combined with minimal shopping opportunities, meant that he could stick back some serious savings.
Still, you sense that he left his heart in Russia in more ways than one. The Russian mentality may be horrifying, but it's never boring. Preparing students to answer questions at foreign universities, he brought up the topic of charitable work. His students' opinions were unanimous. "We know foreigners like to do charitable work, but we Russians think it's stupid."
Every time he was lulled into believing that Vodkaberg was Anytown, USA with beautiful women and cheaper vodka, he slammed into a cultural gap that makes the Grand Canyon look like a drainage ditch. He lived through some fascinating times and we get to experience them right along with him. If you can skip through his sex life, it's a fine read. And if you find his sex life titillating, you're in luck.
He's a good writer and an interesting man, if maddeningly immature. Basically, he's just a guy who never aged beyond about 12 years old. It's meant that his life has followed some unusual paths. Wouldn't want to be him or be related to him, but his memories make for unforgettable books.
June 2, 2013
Did I love this book? No. Did I like it? Not that much. But I didn't NOT like it, either. To be fair, calling this a "book" is mighty generous; "journal" is more like it...though not anything like my own (if I indeed kept a journal, which I don't). Because if I were to publish my imaginary journal, it would be page after page of something a lot like this:
"*Groan*...what do you know, I made it to another day. I guess you CAN take Ambien every night for six years without killing you. Does the house really smell as doggy as I think it does, or is that coming from outside? Huh. I should probably clean something. Naw, I'll just open another window. Let me just check my email first...
(Nine hours later)
Maybe I should eat something. Did I brush my teeth today? I KNOW I didn't shower. Or get dressed. Huh...I think I forgot to check my YouTube account...
Look at that, it's ten o'clock already. Ambien time!"
English Teacher X doesn't have much more diversity in his life than I do, but instead of sifting through bulk emails and watching YouTube videos all day in America, he drinks in various seedy places and has sex with a variety of women in Russia, which makes for far more entertaining reading than my life does.
"*Groan*...what do you know, I made it to another day. I guess you CAN take Ambien every night for six years without killing you. Does the house really smell as doggy as I think it does, or is that coming from outside? Huh. I should probably clean something. Naw, I'll just open another window. Let me just check my email first...
(Nine hours later)
Maybe I should eat something. Did I brush my teeth today? I KNOW I didn't shower. Or get dressed. Huh...I think I forgot to check my YouTube account...
Look at that, it's ten o'clock already. Ambien time!"
English Teacher X doesn't have much more diversity in his life than I do, but instead of sifting through bulk emails and watching YouTube videos all day in America, he drinks in various seedy places and has sex with a variety of women in Russia, which makes for far more entertaining reading than my life does.
October 22, 2014
This book is debauched, foul, disgusting, and mostly unbelievable. I loved it.
December 13, 2017
The author's account of his experiences as an English language teacher in post-Soviet Russia.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews