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Preparing for Marriage: Help for Christian Couples
Getting to know that special someone includes learning about family and friends and schooling and athletics, favorite pastimes, books, movies, life’s best moments and worst, the brightest places in our background and the darkest.
But what about theology? Ever think to ask about that?
At Desiring God, one of our most accessed pages online is a set of questions John Piper put together for couples preparing for marriage (chapter 1 in this eBook). There is some of the typical stuff—like friends and entertainment and lifestyle and children—but many have found that John’s way of putting the question helps get right at some pretty deep stuff.
And then there’s the questions about theology, worship and devotion, and the roles of husband and wife—questions that far too many couples don’t think to ask. When preparing for marriage, or even in just beginning to consider it, it is of immense help to have the perspective not only of a seasoned husband of over 40 years, but also a seasoned pastor and theologian.
But what about theology? Ever think to ask about that?
At Desiring God, one of our most accessed pages online is a set of questions John Piper put together for couples preparing for marriage (chapter 1 in this eBook). There is some of the typical stuff—like friends and entertainment and lifestyle and children—but many have found that John’s way of putting the question helps get right at some pretty deep stuff.
And then there’s the questions about theology, worship and devotion, and the roles of husband and wife—questions that far too many couples don’t think to ask. When preparing for marriage, or even in just beginning to consider it, it is of immense help to have the perspective not only of a seasoned husband of over 40 years, but also a seasoned pastor and theologian.
46 pages, ebook
First published May 1, 2018
98 people are currently reading
504 people want to read
About the author
John Piper
609 books4,580 followersJohn Piper is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as senior pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota.
He grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, and studied at Wheaton College, Fuller Theological Seminary (B.D.), and the University of Munich (D.theol.). For six years, he taught Biblical Studies at Bethel College in St. Paul, Minnesota, and in 1980 accepted the call to serve as pastor at Bethlehem.
John is the author of more than 50 books and more than 30 years of his preaching and teaching is available free at desiringGod.org. John and his wife, Noel, have four sons, one daughter, and twelve grandchildren.
Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.
He grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, and studied at Wheaton College, Fuller Theological Seminary (B.D.), and the University of Munich (D.theol.). For six years, he taught Biblical Studies at Bethel College in St. Paul, Minnesota, and in 1980 accepted the call to serve as pastor at Bethlehem.
John is the author of more than 50 books and more than 30 years of his preaching and teaching is available free at desiringGod.org. John and his wife, Noel, have four sons, one daughter, and twelve grandchildren.
Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.
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July 18, 2015Quick and engaging read (engaging? Get it?) that brings up great points regarding marriage. I'd say it's not just good for engaged couples or those preparing for marriage, it's also good for those already married. You can finish this book in a day if you breeze through it, but it has a lifetime of application if you will put it into practice.
January 14, 2021
Good stuff.
Piper really excels at drawing attention to the excellence of biblical teaching. In reading it, you get a bigger view than you previously had. I like that.
Though he's often easier to listen to than to read, this is certainly one of his more eye/brain-friendly pieces. It's still a little chewy and occasionally disjointed, but that's likely because it was originally several articles (I think).
This book addresses: What marriage is all about, engagement, headship and submission, sexual relations, and God above all of this. It also has 2 appendices: one being a ton of good questions for couples to discuss (in pretty much EVERY subject), the other being a short chapter on how hospitality is a really really cool thing to pursue. These were both very thought-provoking.
This is particularly a great book to read as a couple if you are in a relationship/engaged/married. I did this and it brought up so many good good discussions and thoughts between us. This effect is compounded upon reading it with another couple and discussing it further. Good vibes.
+It's short and free... what's not to like?
Piper really excels at drawing attention to the excellence of biblical teaching. In reading it, you get a bigger view than you previously had. I like that.
Though he's often easier to listen to than to read, this is certainly one of his more eye/brain-friendly pieces. It's still a little chewy and occasionally disjointed, but that's likely because it was originally several articles (I think).
This book addresses: What marriage is all about, engagement, headship and submission, sexual relations, and God above all of this. It also has 2 appendices: one being a ton of good questions for couples to discuss (in pretty much EVERY subject), the other being a short chapter on how hospitality is a really really cool thing to pursue. These were both very thought-provoking.
This is particularly a great book to read as a couple if you are in a relationship/engaged/married. I did this and it brought up so many good good discussions and thoughts between us. This effect is compounded upon reading it with another couple and discussing it further. Good vibes.
+It's short and free... what's not to like?
January 10, 2021
Piper's view on marriage is very biblical and Christ focused. The chapters are well arranged and portray a clear picture of how marriage can be most effective not only for the couple but also for society. However, the author could have used a more in-depth perspective on the mentioned subjects, considering that his wisdom reaches far beyond the few chapters included in this book. Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading it and discussing it with my partner. The idea of offering various questions in the appendix is very convenient since it opens up the relationship to talk about every aspect of marriage that might be encountered along the way.
P.S. I loved the poem Piper has written for his son's wedding. Divinely inspired.
P.S. I loved the poem Piper has written for his son's wedding. Divinely inspired.
November 8, 2025
So incredibly good!! Would recommend this to every couple who is engaged or seriously/intentionally dating long term. John Piper doesn’t miss. He is beautifully clear in this book about the purpose of marriage- for the glory of God- and offers practical, Scripture-based advice for couples. The appendix in the back is fantastic- my boyfriend/almost fiance and I have been going through them all and it has led to fantastic conversations, and have shown us areas we align in and those have different opinions about. 5/5 stars- no notes!!
February 13, 2019
Um bom livreto para solteiros e casados. Gostei principalmente do capítulo onde Piper escreve que, para termos casamentos de sucesso, devemos falar menos sobre casamento e mais sobre Deus, afinal, que é o casamento senão uma dádiva de Deus e um meio de glorificá-lo? Sem dúvida, aprender mais sobre Deus faz-nos ser melhores em quaisquer áreas de nossas vidas.
September 3, 2023
Small book/let that could help start the conversations you didn't think you need.
As the author puts it: better to have those conflicts now rather than later.
As the author puts it: better to have those conflicts now rather than later.
March 13, 2020
A surprisingly good resource. Some chapters are better than others, but each chapter offers excellent advice for those preparing for marriage. The first chapter on not wasting your engagement, the chapter on headship and submission, the chapter on marriage for the glory of God, and the appendix of questions were the brightest spots.
But overall, all worth reading, not only for those who are preparing for marriage, but also for those who are helping prepare others for marriage (which is why I read it, trying to prepare for premarital counseling).
It is still one of the “thrown together” Piper books (which is why I only give it 4 stars), meaning, you can tell Desiring God took different Ask Pastor Johns, sermons, and blog posts, and made it into a paperback. Nevertheless, it’s a helpful, short resource.
But overall, all worth reading, not only for those who are preparing for marriage, but also for those who are helping prepare others for marriage (which is why I read it, trying to prepare for premarital counseling).
It is still one of the “thrown together” Piper books (which is why I only give it 4 stars), meaning, you can tell Desiring God took different Ask Pastor Johns, sermons, and blog posts, and made it into a paperback. Nevertheless, it’s a helpful, short resource.
December 8, 2022
Chapter 3 talked about the role of husbands according to the Bible. This chapter alone was worth the book. Piper talks about the real meaning of what it means to be the head and it really puts the whole role into perspective in a way that I have never heard before.
I’ve read a handful of marriage books and pre marriage books, but this one was one of the best I’ve read. Piper didn’t feel like he had regurgitated sermons from other people, his writing and wisdom feels like it comes from his own study and experience, which is deep and purposefully rooted in scripture.
There was another chapter where he goes through a bunch of questions that were both deep and simple that I’ve never thought of to ask someone.
Overall, I feel like this is a great one.
I’ve read a handful of marriage books and pre marriage books, but this one was one of the best I’ve read. Piper didn’t feel like he had regurgitated sermons from other people, his writing and wisdom feels like it comes from his own study and experience, which is deep and purposefully rooted in scripture.
There was another chapter where he goes through a bunch of questions that were both deep and simple that I’ve never thought of to ask someone.
Overall, I feel like this is a great one.
July 8, 2020
This was a great little book for me and my girlfriend. This book is essentially a collection of several sermon transcripts and articles that John Piper has written over the years. The book speaks on weddings, headship, submission, sexual relations, and the ultimate goal of marriage. There is also a section at the end full of questions which we are still working through. Overall this is a great book. Some of the questions at the end might be a little more suited for engaged couples, but this is definitely still a great book for dating couples! Also, you could read the whole book in a day on a road trip!
July 14, 2025
This is one of the best books I’ve read on preparing for Christian marriage. Simple, practical, and pastoral. It avoids both evangelical feminism and the legalism of hyper-patriarchalism. It doesn’t assume the readers are affluent nor raised in a Christian household. I wish more churches approached marriage in this way.
July 24, 2024
Very Biblical and concise resource. Whether engaged or already married, there are good applications. Has the best definition/explanation I have ever seen about headship and submission. All for the glory of God!
June 10, 2017
God is the goal of marriage. This is the foundation of all that is good in marriage. It is the foundation of marriage permanence. It is the foundation of good communication and forgiveness. It is the foundation of great and frequent sex and giving our bodies to one another. It's the foundation of staying physically healthy and emotionally mature. Our marriage should be a reflection of God to the world.
This is a fantastic work and every couple (married or engaged) should read it together.
--- excerpts --
Notes in ‘preparing-for-marriage-en’
Notes in Workspace:
Excerpt: ThE surpassing goal: marriage is lived for the glory of God (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.12)
Excerpt: This little word “for” means that there is an order of prior- ity. There is an order of ultimacy. And the order is plain: God is ultimate, and marriage is not. God is the most important Reality; marriage is less important—far less important, infi- nitely less important. Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beau- ty and greatness of God; God does not exist to magnify mar- riage. Until this order is vivid and valued—until it is seen and savored—marriage will not be experienced as a revelation of God’s glory but as a rival of God’s glory (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.12)
Excerpt: There are two levels at which the glory of God may shine forth from a Christian marriage: One is at the structural level when both spouses fulfill the roles God intended for them—the man as leader like Christ, the wife as advocate and follower of that leadership. When those roles are lived out, the glory of God’s love and wisdom in Christ is dis- played to the world. But there is another deeper, more foundational level where the glory of God must shine if these roles are to be sustained as God designed. The power and impulse to carry through the self- denial and daily, monthly, yearly dying that will be required in loving an imperfect wife and respecting an imperfect husband must come from a hope-giving, soul-sustaining, superior satis- faction in God. I don’t think that our love for our wives or theirs for us will glorify God until it flows from a heart that delights in God more than marriage. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.19)
Excerpt: Wives, it is not always the case, but often, that your hus- band wants sexual relations more often than you do. Martin Luther said he found twice a week to be ample protection from (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.34)
Excerpt: the tempter. I don’t know if Katie was up for it every time or not. But if you’re not, give it anyway. I do not say to you hus- bands, “Take it anyway.” In fact, for her sake you may go with- out. The goal is to outdo one another in giving what the other wants. Both of you, make it your aim to satisfy each other as fully as possible. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.35)
Excerpt: God made bod- ies and material things because when they are rightly seen and rightly used, God’s glory is more fully known and displayed. The heavens are telling the glory of God (Psalm 19:1). Consider the birds of the air and the lilies of the field and you will know more of God’s goodness and care (Matthew 6:26–28). See in the things he has made his invisible attributes—his eternal power and divine nature (Romans 1:20). Look at marriage and see Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:23–25). As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you declare the Lord’s death until he comes (1 Corinthians 11:26). Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). The material world is not an end in itself; it is designed to display God’s glory and awaken our hearts to know him and value him more. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.38)
Excerpt: “Show hospitality to one (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.42)
Excerpt: another without grumbling.” If we are loving earnestly and love is covering a multitude of sins, then we will not grumble so eas- ily will we? Love covers much of what makes us grumble. So hos- pitality without grumbling is the calling of Christians in the last days. In the very days when your stress is high, and there are sins that need covering, and reasons to grumble abound—in those very days, Peter says, what we need to do is practice hospitality. Our homes need to be open. Because our hearts are open. And our hearts are open because God’s heart is open to us. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.43)
Excerpt: What are your views of daycare for children? What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family? friends Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse? What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with someone the other doesn’t? health and sickness Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical prob- lems that could affect our relationship? (allergies, cancer, eat- ing disorders, venereal disease, etc.) Do you believe in divine healing, and how would prayer relate to medical attention? How do you think about exercise and healthy eating? Do you have any habits that adversely affect health? (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.11)
This is a fantastic work and every couple (married or engaged) should read it together.
--- excerpts --
Notes in ‘preparing-for-marriage-en’
Notes in Workspace:
Excerpt: ThE surpassing goal: marriage is lived for the glory of God (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.12)
Excerpt: This little word “for” means that there is an order of prior- ity. There is an order of ultimacy. And the order is plain: God is ultimate, and marriage is not. God is the most important Reality; marriage is less important—far less important, infi- nitely less important. Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beau- ty and greatness of God; God does not exist to magnify mar- riage. Until this order is vivid and valued—until it is seen and savored—marriage will not be experienced as a revelation of God’s glory but as a rival of God’s glory (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.12)
Excerpt: There are two levels at which the glory of God may shine forth from a Christian marriage: One is at the structural level when both spouses fulfill the roles God intended for them—the man as leader like Christ, the wife as advocate and follower of that leadership. When those roles are lived out, the glory of God’s love and wisdom in Christ is dis- played to the world. But there is another deeper, more foundational level where the glory of God must shine if these roles are to be sustained as God designed. The power and impulse to carry through the self- denial and daily, monthly, yearly dying that will be required in loving an imperfect wife and respecting an imperfect husband must come from a hope-giving, soul-sustaining, superior satis- faction in God. I don’t think that our love for our wives or theirs for us will glorify God until it flows from a heart that delights in God more than marriage. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.19)
Excerpt: Wives, it is not always the case, but often, that your hus- band wants sexual relations more often than you do. Martin Luther said he found twice a week to be ample protection from (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.34)
Excerpt: the tempter. I don’t know if Katie was up for it every time or not. But if you’re not, give it anyway. I do not say to you hus- bands, “Take it anyway.” In fact, for her sake you may go with- out. The goal is to outdo one another in giving what the other wants. Both of you, make it your aim to satisfy each other as fully as possible. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.35)
Excerpt: God made bod- ies and material things because when they are rightly seen and rightly used, God’s glory is more fully known and displayed. The heavens are telling the glory of God (Psalm 19:1). Consider the birds of the air and the lilies of the field and you will know more of God’s goodness and care (Matthew 6:26–28). See in the things he has made his invisible attributes—his eternal power and divine nature (Romans 1:20). Look at marriage and see Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:23–25). As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you declare the Lord’s death until he comes (1 Corinthians 11:26). Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). The material world is not an end in itself; it is designed to display God’s glory and awaken our hearts to know him and value him more. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.38)
Excerpt: “Show hospitality to one (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.42)
Excerpt: another without grumbling.” If we are loving earnestly and love is covering a multitude of sins, then we will not grumble so eas- ily will we? Love covers much of what makes us grumble. So hos- pitality without grumbling is the calling of Christians in the last days. In the very days when your stress is high, and there are sins that need covering, and reasons to grumble abound—in those very days, Peter says, what we need to do is practice hospitality. Our homes need to be open. Because our hearts are open. And our hearts are open because God’s heart is open to us. (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.43)
Excerpt: What are your views of daycare for children? What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family? friends Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse? What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with someone the other doesn’t? health and sickness Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical prob- lems that could affect our relationship? (allergies, cancer, eat- ing disorders, venereal disease, etc.) Do you believe in divine healing, and how would prayer relate to medical attention? How do you think about exercise and healthy eating? Do you have any habits that adversely affect health? (preparing-for-marriage-en, p.11)
December 10, 2021
Marriage! This book does a beautiful job reminding you how marriage is created to glorify God and how beautiful that is. It helped me to think through some things and I really enjoyed it
May 1, 2019
Quick and short book with a detailed description of what a marriage should look like and the types of questions you should be asking before marriage. There is good information about finances, the biblical view of marriage, and also just a lot of perspective that John Piper adds with his own style. Great read, and I'd recommend for any believer with plans of getting married
August 18, 2020
Solid advice. The section dealing with faith was really beneficial. "Anything not proceeding from faith is sin."
January 14, 2019
Um ótimo livro. Tive o privilégio de ler junto com minha namorada e aprender bastante sobre o significado do casamento. Jonh Piper escreve com uma linguagem simples mas sempre profunda. Tenho certeza que levarei tais ensinamentos para minha vida de casado.
December 31, 2021
Un libro corto, pero de gran utilidad. Está hecho a modo de libro de trabajo, con espacio para responder al final de cada capítulo. De especial provecho encuentro el cuestionario final para los novios.
August 16, 2017
This is a great book as much for engaged couples as for already married couples, first chapters are very reflexive and biblical focused too
May 30, 2021
As a whole, this is a really good book and one that single people and dating couples would most likely find very helpful. Piper gives some very practical and Biblical counsel for both men and women as they consider the pursuit of marriage.
The book begins by speaking to the topic of Engagement. Titled, "Don't Waste Your Engagement," Piper wants to challenge the dating couple to truly get oriented towards a right perspective on why they want to get married, how they can utilize the time leading up to their wedding as a critical time to evaluate motivations for marrying one another, as well as, discussing critical issues about married life. This points to what I believe was one of the best sections of the book and that is, Appendix A, where Piper gives a list of topics that a couple should discuss before walking down the aisle.
The second chapter is where Piper really resonated with my own perspective. The chapter is titled, "Don't Break the Bank" and Piper challenges the reader to evaluate the stewardship of finances when they consider the wedding. We know that thousands and thousands of dollars are spent on the event and Piper wants to challenge the couple to not let the world dictate what a wedding should look like or what a couple should spend on that day. I loved this chapter. It provided some excellent counsel and confronts the worldliness of many within the church as they overspend for a one-time ceremony, a ceremony that often adds horrific stress to the lives of the bride and the groom and the family.
The third chapter is a must read because in this chapter, Piper tackles the issues of Husbands who love like Christ and Wives who submit like the church is supposed to submit to Christ. It is not a popular topic or view within the culture but what Piper says, really has to be said. The author makes it clear that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He died for the church. The issue of submission is not a club to be used by a husband to get a wife to do what he wants. Submission is unto the Lord. A husband is to work on loving his wife. A wife is to work on submitting to her husband as an outflow of her submission to Christ. When these two things happen, a marriage sings.
Piper, in the fourth chapter, answers a question about sexuality in marriage. He speaks to the beauty and joy that is found within the sexual intimacy, pointing out that God is the one who designed sex. It has been twisted and perverted by the abuses of the world gone wrong and in rebellion against the Creator. The Bible speaks about the sanctity of human sexuality and elevates it to a high level of importance within the marriage. Piper speaks frankly about some of the common problems within the marriage when it comes to sexuality.
Last Piper writes about the ultimate purpose for marriage and that is to glorify God. If a couple doesn't have this goal, they miss out on the ultimate joy for which marriage was designed. If a couple doesn't enter marriage with this as the ultimate goal, when troubles strike, they will often lose sight of what marriage is truly all about and will become self-focued. Self-focused is always a recipe for disaster.
The Appendixes are excellent (as noted above for Appendix A). Appendix B gives a Biblical reason for showing kindness and thinking through how a couple can demonstrate hospitality as individuals and as a couple.
Perhaps the negatives of the book are minimal. 1) The cost. It's an 86 page book but way too expensive for a book that size, so that will limit some of the distribution of the much needed message. 2) Speaking of the book's size, perhaps a second weakness is that Piper could say so much more about these critical issues and thus, it'd be great to see an expansion of the book.
As a whole, I think this book could be very helpful for men and women to read through and I highly recommend it.
The book begins by speaking to the topic of Engagement. Titled, "Don't Waste Your Engagement," Piper wants to challenge the dating couple to truly get oriented towards a right perspective on why they want to get married, how they can utilize the time leading up to their wedding as a critical time to evaluate motivations for marrying one another, as well as, discussing critical issues about married life. This points to what I believe was one of the best sections of the book and that is, Appendix A, where Piper gives a list of topics that a couple should discuss before walking down the aisle.
The second chapter is where Piper really resonated with my own perspective. The chapter is titled, "Don't Break the Bank" and Piper challenges the reader to evaluate the stewardship of finances when they consider the wedding. We know that thousands and thousands of dollars are spent on the event and Piper wants to challenge the couple to not let the world dictate what a wedding should look like or what a couple should spend on that day. I loved this chapter. It provided some excellent counsel and confronts the worldliness of many within the church as they overspend for a one-time ceremony, a ceremony that often adds horrific stress to the lives of the bride and the groom and the family.
The third chapter is a must read because in this chapter, Piper tackles the issues of Husbands who love like Christ and Wives who submit like the church is supposed to submit to Christ. It is not a popular topic or view within the culture but what Piper says, really has to be said. The author makes it clear that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He died for the church. The issue of submission is not a club to be used by a husband to get a wife to do what he wants. Submission is unto the Lord. A husband is to work on loving his wife. A wife is to work on submitting to her husband as an outflow of her submission to Christ. When these two things happen, a marriage sings.
Piper, in the fourth chapter, answers a question about sexuality in marriage. He speaks to the beauty and joy that is found within the sexual intimacy, pointing out that God is the one who designed sex. It has been twisted and perverted by the abuses of the world gone wrong and in rebellion against the Creator. The Bible speaks about the sanctity of human sexuality and elevates it to a high level of importance within the marriage. Piper speaks frankly about some of the common problems within the marriage when it comes to sexuality.
Last Piper writes about the ultimate purpose for marriage and that is to glorify God. If a couple doesn't have this goal, they miss out on the ultimate joy for which marriage was designed. If a couple doesn't enter marriage with this as the ultimate goal, when troubles strike, they will often lose sight of what marriage is truly all about and will become self-focued. Self-focused is always a recipe for disaster.
The Appendixes are excellent (as noted above for Appendix A). Appendix B gives a Biblical reason for showing kindness and thinking through how a couple can demonstrate hospitality as individuals and as a couple.
Perhaps the negatives of the book are minimal. 1) The cost. It's an 86 page book but way too expensive for a book that size, so that will limit some of the distribution of the much needed message. 2) Speaking of the book's size, perhaps a second weakness is that Piper could say so much more about these critical issues and thus, it'd be great to see an expansion of the book.
As a whole, I think this book could be very helpful for men and women to read through and I highly recommend it.
January 17, 2020
This year, my wife and I will have been married for 7 years. We often get asked for advice or counseling on pre-marital and engagement issues. In Preparing for Marriage, I now have a trustworthy resource I can use and give in offering help for Christian couples.
Dare to Dream
This book was published by Cruciform Press in conjunction with DesiringGod. Written by John Piper, it is an excellent entry into his theology and thoughts on God and marriage. He offers his trademark vision of spreading a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ, especially in marriage. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
The book begins with chapters on engagement and planning for the marriage ceremony. If you are familiar with Piper, it will come to no surprise that he encourages frank discussion, the practicing of spiritual leadership, and individual Godward fellowship during the engagement. In terms of the marriage ceremony and reception, he promotes radical courage for wartime simplicity for the purpose of exalting Christ and the advancement of His Kingdom.
Husbands and Wives
In my opinion, the meat of the book is in Chapter 3: Husbands Who Love Like Christ and the Wives Who Submit to Them. Piper looks at Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 to define headship and submission, and show its practical implications.
Piper gives the Biblical explanation for leading and submitting while admitting that we are fallible sinners trying to showcase the reality of God through our marriages. Roles are discussed and this leads into the next chapters on sex and honoring marriage in your public and private lives.
Sex and Saltiness
Chapter 4 is a powerful chapter because of his boldness and counter-culture belief. Piper shows how sexual gratification is encouraged to be sought after in the marriage covenant, and he gives three reasons why. First is because faith believes that sex is a good gift of God. Second is because faith frees from the guilt of the past. The third is because faith uses sex as a weapon against Satan.
Piper uses the imagery of salt to show how Hebrews 13 helps us to be counter-cultural and Biblically aligned in holding marriage in high esteem. Specifically, don’t confuse it with anything that is not marriage, don’t commit fornication or adultery, and live out forgiveness and joy and hope.
Help for Christian Couples
The book ends by showcasing God as the ultimate reality that marriage is meant to echo. In addition, an appendix is included with some questions to ask when preparing for marriage, as well as a call for Christian hospitality amongst married, dating, and single believers.
This book is the perfect resource for people who want to get serious about dating, engagement, and marriage. It is short yet packed with God-glorifying theology and practical help. It is what I will recommend when counseling couples, and a resource I will return to as I remember my own marriage covenant.
I was provided a free copy of Preparing for Marriage but was not required to write a positive review.
Dare to Dream
This book was published by Cruciform Press in conjunction with DesiringGod. Written by John Piper, it is an excellent entry into his theology and thoughts on God and marriage. He offers his trademark vision of spreading a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ, especially in marriage. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
The book begins with chapters on engagement and planning for the marriage ceremony. If you are familiar with Piper, it will come to no surprise that he encourages frank discussion, the practicing of spiritual leadership, and individual Godward fellowship during the engagement. In terms of the marriage ceremony and reception, he promotes radical courage for wartime simplicity for the purpose of exalting Christ and the advancement of His Kingdom.
Husbands and Wives
In my opinion, the meat of the book is in Chapter 3: Husbands Who Love Like Christ and the Wives Who Submit to Them. Piper looks at Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 to define headship and submission, and show its practical implications.
Piper gives the Biblical explanation for leading and submitting while admitting that we are fallible sinners trying to showcase the reality of God through our marriages. Roles are discussed and this leads into the next chapters on sex and honoring marriage in your public and private lives.
Sex and Saltiness
Chapter 4 is a powerful chapter because of his boldness and counter-culture belief. Piper shows how sexual gratification is encouraged to be sought after in the marriage covenant, and he gives three reasons why. First is because faith believes that sex is a good gift of God. Second is because faith frees from the guilt of the past. The third is because faith uses sex as a weapon against Satan.
Piper uses the imagery of salt to show how Hebrews 13 helps us to be counter-cultural and Biblically aligned in holding marriage in high esteem. Specifically, don’t confuse it with anything that is not marriage, don’t commit fornication or adultery, and live out forgiveness and joy and hope.
Help for Christian Couples
The book ends by showcasing God as the ultimate reality that marriage is meant to echo. In addition, an appendix is included with some questions to ask when preparing for marriage, as well as a call for Christian hospitality amongst married, dating, and single believers.
This book is the perfect resource for people who want to get serious about dating, engagement, and marriage. It is short yet packed with God-glorifying theology and practical help. It is what I will recommend when counseling couples, and a resource I will return to as I remember my own marriage covenant.
I was provided a free copy of Preparing for Marriage but was not required to write a positive review.
December 23, 2025
I actually enjoyed this book for a couple of reasons. #1. It was short. #2: it’s a book about preparing for marriage, which in this current season of life, I am thinking a lot about that. #3: it’s not just a book about marriage, but a book about the gospel, for you cannot talk about marriage without Christ. With Christ as the head of the marriage, it reflects the wonderful mystery of how the wonderful marriage between Christ and his bride, the church, united in the Spirit, the bond of love, giving glory to the Father. I also loved how at the end of the book, Piper concludes with a poem that he wrote for his son’s wedding, basically stating that in order to love your life more, you have to love her less, because you love Christ more and more through your union with your wife.
Some quotes I really love:
- Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God; God does not exist to magnify marriage
- May you stand firm and strong in our tumultuous time in your commitment to marriage as the sexual and covenantal union of a man and a woman in lifelong allegiance to each other alone, as husband and wife, with a view to displaying the unbeatable covenant love between Christ and his church
- When it comes to the church, he has no trouble acknowledging how mutual submission is possible between two groups, one of which has the special responsibility to guide, and the other of which has the special responsibility to accept guidance
- Marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or a parable that stands for something more than a man and a woman becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the deepest meaning of marriage. It’s meant to be a living drama of how Christ and the church relate to each other.
Some quotes I really love:
- Marriage exists to magnify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God; God does not exist to magnify marriage
- May you stand firm and strong in our tumultuous time in your commitment to marriage as the sexual and covenantal union of a man and a woman in lifelong allegiance to each other alone, as husband and wife, with a view to displaying the unbeatable covenant love between Christ and his church
- When it comes to the church, he has no trouble acknowledging how mutual submission is possible between two groups, one of which has the special responsibility to guide, and the other of which has the special responsibility to accept guidance
- Marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or a parable that stands for something more than a man and a woman becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the deepest meaning of marriage. It’s meant to be a living drama of how Christ and the church relate to each other.
April 3, 2024
Great list of questions to think through at the end. Also filled with a lot of good advice. It’s short, practical, and theological.
One of my favorite lengthy quotes in this short book was in the final chapter on the glory of God.
“If we who are believers in Jesus want to see marriage have the place in the world and in the church that it is supposed to have—that is, if we want marriage to glorify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God—we must teach and preach less about marriage and more about God.
Most young people today, it must be said, do not bring to their courtship and marriage a great vision of God— who he is, what he is like, how he acts. In the world there is almost no vision of God. He is not even on the list to be invited. He is simply and breathtakingly omitted. And in the church, the view of God that young couples bring to their relationship is so often small instead of huge—and so often marginal instead of central, and so often vague instead of clear, and so often impotent instead of all-determining, and so often uninspiring instead of ravishing —that when they marry, the thought of living marriage to the glory of God is without meaning and without content...”
Piper goes on to unpack this. It is worth reading. It is also free on desiring god!
One of my favorite lengthy quotes in this short book was in the final chapter on the glory of God.
“If we who are believers in Jesus want to see marriage have the place in the world and in the church that it is supposed to have—that is, if we want marriage to glorify the truth and worth and beauty and greatness of God—we must teach and preach less about marriage and more about God.
Most young people today, it must be said, do not bring to their courtship and marriage a great vision of God— who he is, what he is like, how he acts. In the world there is almost no vision of God. He is not even on the list to be invited. He is simply and breathtakingly omitted. And in the church, the view of God that young couples bring to their relationship is so often small instead of huge—and so often marginal instead of central, and so often vague instead of clear, and so often impotent instead of all-determining, and so often uninspiring instead of ravishing —that when they marry, the thought of living marriage to the glory of God is without meaning and without content...”
Piper goes on to unpack this. It is worth reading. It is also free on desiring god!
December 30, 2019
I liked this book because the truths in it were helpful and Piper did a good job focusing on Christ as the center of all healthy marriages. Although I found the arguments and ideas encouraging and rooted in Scripture, Piper was especially repetitive in this book. His style has always been verbose and he takes awhile to draw out his ideas, but it feels like he wrote this book quickly and then failed to edit out the unnecessary parts. It made reading it difficult to focus because it felt like each idea had seven too many sentences. A few of the sections felt like tangents that didn't flow well with the rest of the themes. All in all, it was still a good read but the repetitive writing was especially frustrating for my fiance and I as we read aloud to each other.
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September 16, 2022Piper’s poem for his son made me tear:
Adore Above your best beloved on earth The God alone who gives her worth. And she will know in second place
That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven’s Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life, That you may give it to your wife.
The greatest gift you give your wife Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless: Go love her more by loving less.
Adore Above your best beloved on earth The God alone who gives her worth. And she will know in second place
That your great love is also grace,
And that your high affections now
Are flowing freely from a vow
Beneath these promises, first made
To you by God. Nor will they fade
For being rooted by the stream
Of Heaven’s Joy, which you esteem
And cherish more than breath and life, That you may give it to your wife.
The greatest gift you give your wife Is loving God above her life.
And thus I bid you now to bless: Go love her more by loving less.
March 30, 2020
My now fiancé and I read this before we got engaged. It was a wonderful tool to ask ourselves hard questions that are essential to ask when preparing for marriage. Piper does a wonderful job emphasizing the importance of a Christ centered life and marriage. Reading through this with my love was so fun and insightful. I was more sure that I wanted to marry him after going through this with him. I recommend reading this before engagement!
May 25, 2020
A blessing in under 100 pages. I was really amazed at the real Biblical picture of marriage being a temporary institution that is a parable of the Eternal Marriage between Christ and the Church. This is completely unheard of in a narcissistic Christian society where marriages are completely centred around the couple and their preferences. Greatly encourage to read John Piper's fuller treatment of the subject in "This Momentary Marriage".
August 17, 2021
I like this book even if I am not yet going to marriage but It would help me to prepare.
1. Don't waste your engagement to ask the things that are difficult to your future partner
2. Don't break your bank in terms of spending too much in a wedding
3. Know the future role of husband and wife
4. About sex- don't confuse anything outside of marriage meaning don't engage in premarital sex
5. Live for the glory of God
1. Don't waste your engagement to ask the things that are difficult to your future partner
2. Don't break your bank in terms of spending too much in a wedding
3. Know the future role of husband and wife
4. About sex- don't confuse anything outside of marriage meaning don't engage in premarital sex
5. Live for the glory of God
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 18, 2022
Great book. I think Piper wrote this as a premarital curriculum for couples. Super helpful for those seriously dating and looking toward engagement or those already engaged. Short and succinct chapters are great for discussion. He has an Appendix at the back of the book with helpful questions in different areas of life that are helpful to discuss with a future spouse. Theologically accurate and practically helpful. Piper is brilliant.
April 23, 2025
A good read if you’re getting married! Quick and straightforward and has great discussion points! Will say due to it being short and straightforward it lacks some depth but leaves room to discuss further. Piper tires to explain complex issues in just a few pages which leads to some confusing, complex sentences that aren’t always easy to follow. Overall, would recommend especially if you’re look for a short study!
May 31, 2020
"Prepararse bien para el matrimonio implica preguntarse mutuamente todas las cosas difíciles."- prefacio del editor. Es un excelente libro para las parejas que se preparan a dar el paso al matrimonio y también para jóvenes solteros que desean tener una perspectiva bíblica y contra cultural del matrimonio.
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