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Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2
Tall Tales with Short Cocks returns with 15 new stories from Bizarro Press. Featuring "The Apple of My iPhone" by Danger Slater, "Laser Tits" by Justin Grimbol, "The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes" by Patrick D'Orazio, and many more!
204 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
December 4, 2012
Top ten reasons why you should read this book:
10. It has the coolest cover art I’ve seen all year! Reminds me of that scene in Gravity’s Rainbow with the octopus, you know the scene, right? Ok, wrong crowd.
9. The filler stories aren’t very long. Wait a second, what am I saying? There are no filler stories! Every story in this book is amazing! You will love them all!
8. It answers all of the BIG QUESTIONS! From evolution to heaven to the propagation of the species, this book has it all!
7. There’s lots of sex! Okay, it’s generally not human sex, unless you consider a guy with an octopus head “human." Pffft. Details...
6. What else are you going to do? I mean, seriously. It’s cold outside. Unless of course you live in a warm climate, in which case, f*ck you.
5. Laser tits! Need I say more?
4. It’s almost the end of the year and you really want to reach your reading goal! And this book is short!
3. Very little thinking is necessary! Go ahead; give your brain some candy. You deserve it.
2. Did I mention the cover art??
1. You know those bitter sweet moments that touch your heart and leave you with that happy-sad feeling? There are none of those in this book! So take your Bon Iver songs and shove ‘em! (Just kidding Bon Iver, you know I love you).
All joking aside, this was a very funny, warped and zany collection of stories guaranteed to entertain.
(and the cover art is super cool!)
March 5, 2014
An eclectic mix of weird/bizarre fiction, guaranteed to tickle from your toenails to your temporal lobe, from your meninges to your metatarsals. Elements of horror, sci-fi, and noir serve to imbue this anthology with more crossover appeal than might be expected from most bizarro collections.
THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID by Eirik Gumeny
There simply aren't that many jobs available to boys with octopus heads in today's economy. The world's top porn star finds his true calling in this twisted tale of tentacles and revenge. Read the free preview here!
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
A tender look at the absurd homoeroticisms of men's bathroom etiquette. Recommended for fans of American singer/songwriter Eddie Money.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
The set up in no way prepares you for the punchline.
PRINCESS DI'S MERCEDES AND THE DEAD MAN'S ASL CHIMP by Jon Konrath
Watch out! Sign language isn't its only skill...
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
Required reading for all technophiles.
LIFE CYCLE by James Steele
Who ever said there's more to life than eating, killing, and masturbation?
THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS by Vincent Sakowski
An unusual Inuit girl develops a knack for the world's oldest profession. How much for "skinning the seal"?
WALKIN' AFTER MIDNIGHT by Donald Armfield
Hate Patsy Cline? Too fucking bad.
CLEAR SKIES TODAY, GOD WILLING by Christy Leigh Stewart
Where do good ideas come from? Turns out they just fall from the sky.
THE INTERSTELLAR QUEST FOR SNACK CAKES by Patrick D’Orazio
Why travel all the way across the galaxy when you can buy everything you need at Walmart?
365 YESTERDAYS by Wol-vriey
If you've ever suspected that your short, stupid life is quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things, you're probably right.
NECROCANDY by Nick Cato
I smell death and candy here.
THE FREE MONSTER by David Wallace Fleming
A cautionary note on the excesses of downloadable culture. And guidos. And red feather boas.
BREAD ALONE by David Raffin
The bread sandwich. Only in Antarctica.
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
This girl can shoot TITS from her LASERS! Or was it lasers from her tits... Either way — pure awesome.
So there you have it — 15 stories as diverse in style and subject matter as they come, ultimately united in their blatant bizarritude. Readers are bound to pick their favorites, but there really is something for everybody here. You may not enjoy all of them equally, but if you're into strange stories, you'll probably enjoy them all!
Disclosure: Arthur Graham edited this anthology, and he's had sex with at least three of the authors included. Also, he knows one of their cousins and has attended two of their bar mitzvahs.
THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID by Eirik Gumeny
There simply aren't that many jobs available to boys with octopus heads in today's economy. The world's top porn star finds his true calling in this twisted tale of tentacles and revenge. Read the free preview here!
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
A tender look at the absurd homoeroticisms of men's bathroom etiquette. Recommended for fans of American singer/songwriter Eddie Money.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
The set up in no way prepares you for the punchline.
PRINCESS DI'S MERCEDES AND THE DEAD MAN'S ASL CHIMP by Jon Konrath
Watch out! Sign language isn't its only skill...
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
Required reading for all technophiles.
LIFE CYCLE by James Steele
Who ever said there's more to life than eating, killing, and masturbation?
THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS by Vincent Sakowski
An unusual Inuit girl develops a knack for the world's oldest profession. How much for "skinning the seal"?
WALKIN' AFTER MIDNIGHT by Donald Armfield
Hate Patsy Cline? Too fucking bad.
CLEAR SKIES TODAY, GOD WILLING by Christy Leigh Stewart
Where do good ideas come from? Turns out they just fall from the sky.
THE INTERSTELLAR QUEST FOR SNACK CAKES by Patrick D’Orazio
Why travel all the way across the galaxy when you can buy everything you need at Walmart?
365 YESTERDAYS by Wol-vriey
If you've ever suspected that your short, stupid life is quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things, you're probably right.
NECROCANDY by Nick Cato
I smell death and candy here.
THE FREE MONSTER by David Wallace Fleming
A cautionary note on the excesses of downloadable culture. And guidos. And red feather boas.
BREAD ALONE by David Raffin
The bread sandwich. Only in Antarctica.
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
This girl can shoot TITS from her LASERS! Or was it lasers from her tits... Either way — pure awesome.
So there you have it — 15 stories as diverse in style and subject matter as they come, ultimately united in their blatant bizarritude. Readers are bound to pick their favorites, but there really is something for everybody here. You may not enjoy all of them equally, but if you're into strange stories, you'll probably enjoy them all!
Disclosure: Arthur Graham edited this anthology, and he's had sex with at least three of the authors included. Also, he knows one of their cousins and has attended two of their bar mitzvahs.
November 24, 2016
I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking when I decided to read this. Well, actually that's partially a lie. I saw the word COCK and it drew me in. It's like my Kryptonite. The title teased me with the possibility of tiny cock, big cock, leaning to the side cock, pointing to the sky cock; and so I one clicked that bastard. I have no one to blame but myself for the disappointment that followed.
What, you want me to stop saying cock and tell you about the stories you say. Okay, whatever. (COCK)
The first story is about a boy born with a full squid for a head. Yes, you read that right. Now if such a man really existed he would be a millionaire in Japan for sure. They produce quite a lot of tentacle porn don't ya know.
Now, I'm not being a racist for saying that; the Japanese specialize is some really really odd porn. Octopi/Squid is just one example. I'm actually thinking about starting a charity to provide counseling and rehabilitation for the defiled/ abused octopi/squids.
Anyway, I quite liked that story because (to me) it shows that even someone with a squid for a head, is special. (Though really he has A LOT of issues)
The next story is one of the most pointless I've ever read. The whole thing takes place in a men's cubicle at 2pm every weekday. A lowly kitchen worker takes a scheduled poo (or likes to 'drop his friends off at the pool' as they say*sidenote at bottom of review ) every day at 2pm. He is soon joined by a mystery man who occupies the cubicle next to him for several days in a row. This unknown man proceeds to share some delights with our leading man. One such delight is a turd. He carefully reaches under and places this on our man's shoe. When our man tries to return his own poo present he gets his finger broken. Naturally, it's love at first excrement. I shall tell you no more.
Another tale worth a mention is the horny man that starts an affair with his iPhone.
"I've been duped. Bamboozled. I've been bewitched by these things - these gizmos, these appliances, these tools. They have a way of tricking you into thinking you can't live without them. They pull you in until you can't remember the person you once were before this machine came into your life and sucked your dick for the very first time."
Let's just say that if my phone was alive it would have had me locked up a long time ago.
To conclude this (shit) review-
I'm disappointed because there weren't enough penises.
I'm slightly disturbed, because, well this had tales of shit, dead bodies, and all manner or other bonkers stuff.
And I'm a little sad because I can't stop feeling sorry for the man with poo on his shoe. He just wanted to share a special moment and he never got to.
Sidenote:
*why is 'drop some friends of at the pool' even a euphemism for taking a poo?! For starters why would anyone be friends with a poo and secondly, dropping them off implies you may pick them up again. Erm. No thank you.
What, you want me to stop saying cock and tell you about the stories you say. Okay, whatever. (COCK)
The first story is about a boy born with a full squid for a head. Yes, you read that right. Now if such a man really existed he would be a millionaire in Japan for sure. They produce quite a lot of tentacle porn don't ya know.
Now, I'm not being a racist for saying that; the Japanese specialize is some really really odd porn. Octopi/Squid is just one example. I'm actually thinking about starting a charity to provide counseling and rehabilitation for the defiled/ abused octopi/squids.
Anyway, I quite liked that story because (to me) it shows that even someone with a squid for a head, is special. (Though really he has A LOT of issues)
The next story is one of the most pointless I've ever read. The whole thing takes place in a men's cubicle at 2pm every weekday. A lowly kitchen worker takes a scheduled poo (or likes to 'drop his friends off at the pool' as they say*sidenote at bottom of review ) every day at 2pm. He is soon joined by a mystery man who occupies the cubicle next to him for several days in a row. This unknown man proceeds to share some delights with our leading man. One such delight is a turd. He carefully reaches under and places this on our man's shoe. When our man tries to return his own poo present he gets his finger broken. Naturally, it's love at first excrement. I shall tell you no more.
Another tale worth a mention is the horny man that starts an affair with his iPhone.
"I've been duped. Bamboozled. I've been bewitched by these things - these gizmos, these appliances, these tools. They have a way of tricking you into thinking you can't live without them. They pull you in until you can't remember the person you once were before this machine came into your life and sucked your dick for the very first time."
Let's just say that if my phone was alive it would have had me locked up a long time ago.
To conclude this (shit) review-
I'm disappointed because there weren't enough penises.
I'm slightly disturbed, because, well this had tales of shit, dead bodies, and all manner or other bonkers stuff.
And I'm a little sad because I can't stop feeling sorry for the man with poo on his shoe. He just wanted to share a special moment and he never got to.
Sidenote:
*why is 'drop some friends of at the pool' even a euphemism for taking a poo?! For starters why would anyone be friends with a poo and secondly, dropping them off implies you may pick them up again. Erm. No thank you.
January 2, 2013
Full disclosure here: I have a short story in this anthology and every short story I write is pretty much THE GREATEST SHORT STORY EVER WRITTEN so right there, you have one VERY GOOD reason to spend all of your money on this book. And, in keeping with the spirit of full disclosure, this one time, when I was 19, I was at Barnes & Noble and I farted and accidentally pooped in my pants. It was horrible. I ditched my underwear in the trash can in the bathroom and went right to the self-help section. My life has been a constant uphill battle back to normalcy ever since.
So when I sat down to review this book, I was originally gonna do that thing where I review each story one by one, giving my thoughts and opinions on each tale individually. But then I had this thought:
Most of the contributors to Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 are active members on Goodreads, right? So they’re going to see what I have to say about their work, correct? They're out there as I type, eagerly anticipating what I - one of their professional peers - have to say about the words, characters and plots they've toiled over for hours and hours of their ever-shortening lives. WELL FUCK, MAN! THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON ME! For any of you people out there reading this who don’t happen to be the writers of this book let me tell you a horrible truth that binds all of us creative types together – WE ARE ALL GAPING, SOUL-SUCKING BLACK HOLES OF INSECURITY AND WE NEED CONSTANT PRAISE AND ATTENTION OR ELSE WE WITHER AND DIE LIKE THE ILL-FED INSECTS WE ENVISION OURSELVES TO BE! So I know from personal experience that no amount of complimentary words I can craft celebrating the fine authors that make up this anthology will be enough to sate their out-of-control egos. And in my mind I can see them all sitting there at home, the glow of their computer screens casting their faces in pallid blues, their wide and expectant eyes glazing over as they read what I wrote and thinking “IS THIS ALL HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT ME AND MY AMAZING CONTRIBUTION TO THE PANTHEON OF WORLD LITERATURE?” Because that’s what I think. Every. Single. Time. I mean, go ahead and tell me you love me, tell me I’m hilarious, tell me I’m a good writer, interview me for you blog, write a nice review for my book, write a book LONGER than my book about how awesome my book is – AND STILL, it will never be enough. We writers, we can’t help it. It’s part of what keeps compelling us to create.
So what then? What can I say that will help quell that insatiable hunger than lurks in the heart of every artists soul?
Well...
Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 is a wonderful collection of frenzied and frenetic stories that encompass pretty much the entire array of human emotions and take you to realities you never thought could exist. All the stories in it are amazing. Some I loved. Some I REALLY loved. And some I even cummed on, which, in my world, is the highest honor a person/book can receive. But here’s the kicker: I’m not going to tell you which of these fantastic tales inspired the seminal drips of my literary love wand. I'm not playing favorites. I'm not choosing a winner - suffice it to say, sperm was spilled. Quite a bit, actually. And listen, Authors of this Anthology, I know that this review might disappoint you. Even right now I know your thinking “Why hasn’t he called out my work as the single shining beacon upon the ocean of words on which it rests?” I apologize for not giving you the ten-billion pats on the back you all so rightly deserve. But know this: I love you all. It is an honor to have my story in a book jam-packed with the brilliant and hilarious lot of you. So thank you all for doing what you do, and please, for the love of god, DON’T EVER STOP DOING IT.
Everyone else, please stop reading this review right now and go buy the fucking book already.
So when I sat down to review this book, I was originally gonna do that thing where I review each story one by one, giving my thoughts and opinions on each tale individually. But then I had this thought:
Most of the contributors to Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 are active members on Goodreads, right? So they’re going to see what I have to say about their work, correct? They're out there as I type, eagerly anticipating what I - one of their professional peers - have to say about the words, characters and plots they've toiled over for hours and hours of their ever-shortening lives. WELL FUCK, MAN! THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON ME! For any of you people out there reading this who don’t happen to be the writers of this book let me tell you a horrible truth that binds all of us creative types together – WE ARE ALL GAPING, SOUL-SUCKING BLACK HOLES OF INSECURITY AND WE NEED CONSTANT PRAISE AND ATTENTION OR ELSE WE WITHER AND DIE LIKE THE ILL-FED INSECTS WE ENVISION OURSELVES TO BE! So I know from personal experience that no amount of complimentary words I can craft celebrating the fine authors that make up this anthology will be enough to sate their out-of-control egos. And in my mind I can see them all sitting there at home, the glow of their computer screens casting their faces in pallid blues, their wide and expectant eyes glazing over as they read what I wrote and thinking “IS THIS ALL HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT ME AND MY AMAZING CONTRIBUTION TO THE PANTHEON OF WORLD LITERATURE?” Because that’s what I think. Every. Single. Time. I mean, go ahead and tell me you love me, tell me I’m hilarious, tell me I’m a good writer, interview me for you blog, write a nice review for my book, write a book LONGER than my book about how awesome my book is – AND STILL, it will never be enough. We writers, we can’t help it. It’s part of what keeps compelling us to create.
So what then? What can I say that will help quell that insatiable hunger than lurks in the heart of every artists soul?
Well...
Tall Tales with Short Cocks vol. 2 is a wonderful collection of frenzied and frenetic stories that encompass pretty much the entire array of human emotions and take you to realities you never thought could exist. All the stories in it are amazing. Some I loved. Some I REALLY loved. And some I even cummed on, which, in my world, is the highest honor a person/book can receive. But here’s the kicker: I’m not going to tell you which of these fantastic tales inspired the seminal drips of my literary love wand. I'm not playing favorites. I'm not choosing a winner - suffice it to say, sperm was spilled. Quite a bit, actually. And listen, Authors of this Anthology, I know that this review might disappoint you. Even right now I know your thinking “Why hasn’t he called out my work as the single shining beacon upon the ocean of words on which it rests?” I apologize for not giving you the ten-billion pats on the back you all so rightly deserve. But know this: I love you all. It is an honor to have my story in a book jam-packed with the brilliant and hilarious lot of you. So thank you all for doing what you do, and please, for the love of god, DON’T EVER STOP DOING IT.
Everyone else, please stop reading this review right now and go buy the fucking book already.
February 21, 2013
Miriam posted this totally random photo, the artist is apparently a high school student. I sure hope you guys are not influencing our impressionable yutes with your brain bile.
[image error]
______________
This review will be rated NC-17. I posted this as a comment on Danger
Slater's review and figured I'd add it here since it is a review, after all.
Having recently completed this fine piece of pseudo (albeit tame) pornography, I agree that naming a BEST is hard. All of the stories have a climax. Choosing masterbatory material is a very personal issue, but this little gem has something for all skill levels, orientation, skin color (if you've read this you know I am not being racist), and gore monger out there.
As for me, while i have publicly disavowed ebooks, their hands free stability has opened a green door to all the tentacle erotica and poop shoe stories I don't want to get my hands on. As for the authors of these fine works, they all have a reserved spot on my beloved green shelf, gently or viciously hugged between my vintage Lemon People, Mondo Vero, and Knotty magazines. KISSES and tugs to all. Franny
[image error]
______________
This review will be rated NC-17. I posted this as a comment on Danger
Slater's review and figured I'd add it here since it is a review, after all.
Having recently completed this fine piece of pseudo (albeit tame) pornography, I agree that naming a BEST is hard. All of the stories have a climax. Choosing masterbatory material is a very personal issue, but this little gem has something for all skill levels, orientation, skin color (if you've read this you know I am not being racist), and gore monger out there.
As for me, while i have publicly disavowed ebooks, their hands free stability has opened a green door to all the tentacle erotica and poop shoe stories I don't want to get my hands on. As for the authors of these fine works, they all have a reserved spot on my beloved green shelf, gently or viciously hugged between my vintage Lemon People, Mondo Vero, and Knotty magazines. KISSES and tugs to all. Franny
November 27, 2012
Bizarro. What is it? Where is it? When is it and whycuz it? Who did what now and to whom? And most importantly, where is my bean sprout sandwich? Did I eat it? Will it return to haunt me in the near future?
I will attempt to answer none of these questions in this review. In fact, this review is currently out of order.
pkuhdflkjasfkjs
Some stuff about this book. It has 15 short stories in it. They are quick to read! Speedy! Fast is an important quality in the book realm. No one likes a book that overstays its welcome like your cousin Tambo or herpes.
There are some words in this book, which is good, good. Well done.
My foot! Ouch!
Do you like light beach reads? Do you like light beach reads about octopus-human sex and zombie-maggot sex? Then this is likely a book for you and the octopus-maggot-zombie who loves you. Mostly I thought this book was charming. Like you, in your bloomers. With zombie-maggot-octopoop up your butt. And the horse you rode in on just a little too vigorously for my taste.
Where was I? And where am I? I do not recognize this gelatinous sculpture of L. Ron Hubbard.
Do not read this expecting elaborate grammar trickery and proper punk; chew; a shun. Do not come here for high literature. Come here high for cliterature.
I have said too much. Did I give away the ending? Spoiler alert. This book has spoiled and should be sealed, hermetically, in a hermeneutic bag. In Herman's new tick ball bag. That would be, I think, the ball bag of a tick that Herman had recently purchased. Or adopted, perhaps, if he wasn't so speciesist.
1 star for the average consumer. 2 stars for the above-average consumer. 3 stars for the gender neutral consumer. 3 1/2 stars for bizarro fans. 4 stars for fuck you, get a job. 5 stars for the authors published here and their pets.
I will attempt to answer none of these questions in this review. In fact, this review is currently out of order.
Some stuff about this book. It has 15 short stories in it. They are quick to read! Speedy! Fast is an important quality in the book realm. No one likes a book that overstays its welcome like your cousin Tambo or herpes.
There are some words in this book, which is good, good. Well done.
My foot! Ouch!
Do you like light beach reads? Do you like light beach reads about octopus-human sex and zombie-maggot sex? Then this is likely a book for you and the octopus-maggot-zombie who loves you. Mostly I thought this book was charming. Like you, in your bloomers. With zombie-maggot-octopoop up your butt. And the horse you rode in on just a little too vigorously for my taste.
Where was I? And where am I? I do not recognize this gelatinous sculpture of L. Ron Hubbard.
Do not read this expecting elaborate grammar trickery and proper punk; chew; a shun. Do not come here for high literature. Come here high for cliterature.
I have said too much. Did I give away the ending? Spoiler alert. This book has spoiled and should be sealed, hermetically, in a hermeneutic bag. In Herman's new tick ball bag. That would be, I think, the ball bag of a tick that Herman had recently purchased. Or adopted, perhaps, if he wasn't so speciesist.
1 star for the average consumer. 2 stars for the above-average consumer. 3 stars for the gender neutral consumer. 3 1/2 stars for bizarro fans. 4 stars for fuck you, get a job. 5 stars for the authors published here and their pets.
September 5, 2013
Overall I give this work four out of five. I recommend it if you enjoy books like "John Dies at the End," and the works of Douglas Adams. Its a great collection of short stories, and if you're new to the bizzaro genre its a good place to start. I like to give short stories, especially ones with multiple authors, a more in depth review. Also, the book covers a range of bizzaro, from "out there," to "laser tits," the latter being more descriptive than illusory, so its kind of nice to know what to expect, more or less.
Ballad of Billy the Squid
by Eirik Gumeny
****
Playing a bit on the tortured Dickensian drama Gumeny spins a tale of an underage unfortunate with a squid for a head. The style is simple and matter of fact, and the yarn quite fun. I plan on looking up more of Gumeny's work.
I Think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall
by Douglas Hackle
***
Honestly, had me right until the bit at the end. Poo just... Ok, I've gone on in other reviews how I feel about fecal content. The style is great, descriptive, and a the right touch of disturbed. I still plan on looking up more of Hackle's work, but with caution.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar
by John McNee
*****
A shifty deal gone sideways and someone could really use a hand. *snicker* Ok, this one is a bit "Bloodhounds of Broadway," with a bit of Adam's family. I really hope this is just the start of Rhino and hand's adventures. It would make a damn fine change to the mystery genre instead of yet another knitting/cooking/espresso/petsitter-jeepers-is-it-the-suspecicious-guy-or-not "thrillers,"
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp
by Jon Konrath
***
If I ever have kids, I want to be like Fat Mike's mom. Which I assure you is in no way dear-god-no horrifying. That's a caring woman right there.
The Apple of My iPhone
by Danger Slater
*****
I actually started with this story, I had just gotten my shiny new eReader as a birthday gift from my fiancee (he purposed after the present, so no kidding I said yes, dude gave me a better library than that French beast creep). Naturally, I should've been paying attention to him. But, my eReader loves me, it knows what book's I'd like to read next, it's loaded my favorite music next, in fact, it knows just how to set the mood.
Just like this story. You need to read it.
Life Cycle
by James Steele
****
This is the most beautiful story about masturbation I have ever read. Of course that's selling it short. Its philosophical, and with great depth *snicker* NO! I really mean it. The tone is a strange, almost cinematic quality to the descriptions. Definitely would like to read more of Steele's work.
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds
Vincent W. Sakowski
***
As someone from Alaska I couldn't really tell if Sakowski was playing off of expectations or had done a cursory internet search and decided it was all they needed to know. Either way you'll still end up cheering for a Ho Named Walrus Sounds.
Wallking After Midnight
by Donald Armfield
**
Armfield has a stream of consciousness style in this particular tale. It was just too out there for my taste, but fitting in the collection.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing
by Christy Leigh Stewart
*****
Absurd? A bit, but very thought provoking. Stewart uses the bounds of the bizarre to ask some of philosophy's greatest questions. Definitely looking out for more work like this.
The Intersteller Quest for Snack Cakes
by Patrick D'Orazio
*****
The best space adventure I've read since my last Heinlein novel. I was rather disappointed this was a short story, I'd love to see an entire universe built off this concept and the characters who inhabit it! Smugglers, shady aliens, corrupt humans, what's not to love?
365 Yesterdays
by Wol-vriey
**
This was another one of those stories that was just too far out for me. A girl, a tornado, and a talking tomato. The story follows, but it feels like a joke you're never quite let in on.
NecroCandy
by Nick Canto
***
Maggots, candy, and love. Like a tale from Twain the story begins when a stranger comes to town. The unnamed hero tends his parent's candy store on a dull Monday, when everything gets weird.
The Free Monster
by David Wallace Fleming
**
Not exactly in the too strange category, I just didn't enjoy the plot.
Bread Alone
by David Raffin
****
Its really hard to say anything about this story without ruining it completely. An Antarctic tale of sandwiches, 'Bread Alone,' is best enjoyed while eating a bread sandwich.
Laser Tits
by Justin Grimbol
***
A *snicker* coming of age story. Its sort of Howard Hughs meets Red Sonya. Its a fine story, though not the one I would've picked for the closer. Grimbol weaves a much finer story of sorcery and lust than I usually encounter.
Ballad of Billy the Squid
by Eirik Gumeny
****
Playing a bit on the tortured Dickensian drama Gumeny spins a tale of an underage unfortunate with a squid for a head. The style is simple and matter of fact, and the yarn quite fun. I plan on looking up more of Gumeny's work.
I Think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall
by Douglas Hackle
***
Honestly, had me right until the bit at the end. Poo just... Ok, I've gone on in other reviews how I feel about fecal content. The style is great, descriptive, and a the right touch of disturbed. I still plan on looking up more of Hackle's work, but with caution.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar
by John McNee
*****
A shifty deal gone sideways and someone could really use a hand. *snicker* Ok, this one is a bit "Bloodhounds of Broadway," with a bit of Adam's family. I really hope this is just the start of Rhino and hand's adventures. It would make a damn fine change to the mystery genre instead of yet another knitting/cooking/espresso/petsitter-jeepers-is-it-the-suspecicious-guy-or-not "thrillers,"
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp
by Jon Konrath
***
If I ever have kids, I want to be like Fat Mike's mom. Which I assure you is in no way dear-god-no horrifying. That's a caring woman right there.
The Apple of My iPhone
by Danger Slater
*****
I actually started with this story, I had just gotten my shiny new eReader as a birthday gift from my fiancee (he purposed after the present, so no kidding I said yes, dude gave me a better library than that French beast creep). Naturally, I should've been paying attention to him. But, my eReader loves me, it knows what book's I'd like to read next, it's loaded my favorite music next, in fact, it knows just how to set the mood.
Just like this story. You need to read it.
Life Cycle
by James Steele
****
This is the most beautiful story about masturbation I have ever read. Of course that's selling it short. Its philosophical, and with great depth *snicker* NO! I really mean it. The tone is a strange, almost cinematic quality to the descriptions. Definitely would like to read more of Steele's work.
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds
Vincent W. Sakowski
***
As someone from Alaska I couldn't really tell if Sakowski was playing off of expectations or had done a cursory internet search and decided it was all they needed to know. Either way you'll still end up cheering for a Ho Named Walrus Sounds.
Wallking After Midnight
by Donald Armfield
**
Armfield has a stream of consciousness style in this particular tale. It was just too out there for my taste, but fitting in the collection.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing
by Christy Leigh Stewart
*****
Absurd? A bit, but very thought provoking. Stewart uses the bounds of the bizarre to ask some of philosophy's greatest questions. Definitely looking out for more work like this.
The Intersteller Quest for Snack Cakes
by Patrick D'Orazio
*****
The best space adventure I've read since my last Heinlein novel. I was rather disappointed this was a short story, I'd love to see an entire universe built off this concept and the characters who inhabit it! Smugglers, shady aliens, corrupt humans, what's not to love?
365 Yesterdays
by Wol-vriey
**
This was another one of those stories that was just too far out for me. A girl, a tornado, and a talking tomato. The story follows, but it feels like a joke you're never quite let in on.
NecroCandy
by Nick Canto
***
Maggots, candy, and love. Like a tale from Twain the story begins when a stranger comes to town. The unnamed hero tends his parent's candy store on a dull Monday, when everything gets weird.
The Free Monster
by David Wallace Fleming
**
Not exactly in the too strange category, I just didn't enjoy the plot.
Bread Alone
by David Raffin
****
Its really hard to say anything about this story without ruining it completely. An Antarctic tale of sandwiches, 'Bread Alone,' is best enjoyed while eating a bread sandwich.
Laser Tits
by Justin Grimbol
***
A *snicker* coming of age story. Its sort of Howard Hughs meets Red Sonya. Its a fine story, though not the one I would've picked for the closer. Grimbol weaves a much finer story of sorcery and lust than I usually encounter.
October 20, 2013
Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2 is the second book out of I believe three volumes in the series. From what I gather from the third volume and this one there is no real theme to the short stories other than bizarro elements.
That being said, TTwSC II seemed have a better flow of stories. A lot of the stories felt like they had a fable feel to theme or like a story that sounds more like legend or myth. I really enjoyed most of authors in this book but more so than others:
JOHN MCNEE'S A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR: This was a short but sweet tale. I love the title and the hand that walks into the bar leads the main character to a less than exciting show down but the context leading up to the ending is a really good read.
DANGER SLATER'S THE APPLE OF MY iPHONE: A++++ This is my all time favorite story in this book. Most people of the tech generation feel lost or almost lonely if they are without their phones, ipads, etc. Well what if you never had to feel that loneliness again? What if your iphone could reciprocate that love to you....in Slater's almost satirical tale of technological horror, the quest to understand love is tested with Man vs. Tech and melded into a wonderful love story that gives the warnings of falling too in love with your social devices.
JAMES STEELE'S LIFE CYCLE: This is the perfect "how it came to be" myth story I was talking about. Seriously almost poetic in nature, Life Cycle is the tale of just that; how man came to be. This is not your Adam and Eve creation story, this one actually makes more sense HA! Beautifully written, I could see this becoming a children's book and a fun tale to explain to them the coming of man.
VINCENT W. SAKOWSKI'S THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS: Perfect blend of good story telling and character development. I liked seeing Walrus Sounds grow up and become the tyrannical Ho that everyone had made her.
DONALD ARMFIELD'S WALKING AFTER MIDNIGHT: This story walked the perfect fine line of bizzaro and weird for the sake of being weird. It was perfect. I love the loop concept and the dream like world and adorable eye booger characters that the author comes up with. I'm interested in how Armfield's pulls off a full length story....
WOL-VRIEY'S 365 YESTERDAYS: As usual Wol-vriey takes you on a mind fuck of awesomeness. When I heard he had a short story in here, I didn't believe "short" was in his vocabulary. This story does not disappoint.
NICK CRATO'S NECROCANDY: I'd have a partner made out of candy....the sex would be sweet.
Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume II had a lot of gems in it from author's I have never read before and hope they have more goodies in bizzaro out there!
That being said, TTwSC II seemed have a better flow of stories. A lot of the stories felt like they had a fable feel to theme or like a story that sounds more like legend or myth. I really enjoyed most of authors in this book but more so than others:
JOHN MCNEE'S A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR: This was a short but sweet tale. I love the title and the hand that walks into the bar leads the main character to a less than exciting show down but the context leading up to the ending is a really good read.
DANGER SLATER'S THE APPLE OF MY iPHONE: A++++ This is my all time favorite story in this book. Most people of the tech generation feel lost or almost lonely if they are without their phones, ipads, etc. Well what if you never had to feel that loneliness again? What if your iphone could reciprocate that love to you....in Slater's almost satirical tale of technological horror, the quest to understand love is tested with Man vs. Tech and melded into a wonderful love story that gives the warnings of falling too in love with your social devices.
JAMES STEELE'S LIFE CYCLE: This is the perfect "how it came to be" myth story I was talking about. Seriously almost poetic in nature, Life Cycle is the tale of just that; how man came to be. This is not your Adam and Eve creation story, this one actually makes more sense HA! Beautifully written, I could see this becoming a children's book and a fun tale to explain to them the coming of man.
VINCENT W. SAKOWSKI'S THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS: Perfect blend of good story telling and character development. I liked seeing Walrus Sounds grow up and become the tyrannical Ho that everyone had made her.
DONALD ARMFIELD'S WALKING AFTER MIDNIGHT: This story walked the perfect fine line of bizzaro and weird for the sake of being weird. It was perfect. I love the loop concept and the dream like world and adorable eye booger characters that the author comes up with. I'm interested in how Armfield's pulls off a full length story....
WOL-VRIEY'S 365 YESTERDAYS: As usual Wol-vriey takes you on a mind fuck of awesomeness. When I heard he had a short story in here, I didn't believe "short" was in his vocabulary. This story does not disappoint.
NICK CRATO'S NECROCANDY: I'd have a partner made out of candy....the sex would be sweet.
Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume II had a lot of gems in it from author's I have never read before and hope they have more goodies in bizzaro out there!
November 10, 2015
Of volumes 1,2, and 4 this was my favorite (I have yet to read #3). There were so many great ones included in this anthology, I don't know where to begin. I will not go into the usual list of the ones I liked most. However, I will say that this is the most profound, thought-provoking, weird and stimulating collection for me yet. I have a feeling I will be reading it a second time around pretty soon.
November 29, 2012
This volume is even stronger and more bizarre then it's predecessor. You'll be disappointed if you're looking for rooster or chicken stories. It contains none!
THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID
Eirick Gumany
A tale of a boy with an entire cephelopod for a head. He has an abusive upbringing, goes from washing cars to shooting porn to becoming a hit-man. Great story to start off with. I really liked it.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL)
Douglas Hackle
A man's "love affair" with an unknown person in the stall next to him. To be expected, does have bathroom humor. Not too bad.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR
John McNee
A gun for hire saves the towns Platinum Plated Pimp with help from the latter's severed hand. I super-liked this one. It was a funny, noirish-bizarro, tale.
PRINCESS DI'S MERCEDES AND THE DEAD MAN"S ASL CHIMP
Jon Konrath
The title describes it accurately. This was absolutely hilarious, older school bizarro tale. It asks the very important question "When the hell is Abe Vigoda going to die, anyway?"
THE APPLE OF MY iPHONE
Danger Slater
A tale of obsessive love and Apple gadgets. Not too bad.
LIFE CYCLE
James Steele
A fantastic and different version of the life cycle of human men. Descriptive, and great visuals. I kept thinking about this story after I was done.
THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS
Vincent W. Sakowski
A tale of a misfit girl that eventually becomes Queen of the Walruses. Not too bad. Walrus stories are big in the Bizarro genre in 2012.
WALKIN AFTER MIDNIGHT
Donald Armfield
Hey, this tale briefly mentioned a hamster! In order to be free of a time loop, Patsy Cline asks the protagonist to decapitate 5 people in 6 days. Once he brings her the heads, he'll be freed. Excellent story! I want to see more work from Mr. Armfield.
CLEAR SKIES TODAY, GOD WILLING
Christy Leigh Stewart
Scraps of ideas fall from the sky. Some are sacred, some are trash. Short and succinct. Quite good.
THE INTERSTELLAR QUEST FOR SNACK CAKES
Patrick D'orazio
A sci-fi tale of aliens looking for Hostess products. Rather timely, given what's going on with Hostess. This one didn't grab me.
365 YESTERDAYS
Wol-Vriey
Beautiful Blonde Transexual Jenny Loveless gets an aquarium-head and has a sentient fruit friend named Magic Tomato. She makes a deal with the oxygen stealing god-Oxygenisis to restore the earth and it's inhabitants, to a time-loop. As always, Wol-vriey's writing is marvelous and impressive.
NECRO CANDY
Nick Cato
A sexy tale about a boy with a candy shop and how he meets his un-dead lust object after traveling through an old man's ass. (Yes, really.) Quite good.
THE FREE MONSTER
David Wallace Fleming
A tale of illegal downloading and a monster. Not bad.
BREAD ALONE
David Raffin
A tale about a native born sandwich boy in Antarctica. It has interesting, new, sandwiches and a twist ending. Pretty good.
LASER TITS
Justin Grimbol
A weirdly, sexy D&D-ish tale of a bellybutton sex, laser tits, poon power, and first dates. Super good, really liked it.
THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID
Eirick Gumany
A tale of a boy with an entire cephelopod for a head. He has an abusive upbringing, goes from washing cars to shooting porn to becoming a hit-man. Great story to start off with. I really liked it.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL)
Douglas Hackle
A man's "love affair" with an unknown person in the stall next to him. To be expected, does have bathroom humor. Not too bad.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR
John McNee
A gun for hire saves the towns Platinum Plated Pimp with help from the latter's severed hand. I super-liked this one. It was a funny, noirish-bizarro, tale.
PRINCESS DI'S MERCEDES AND THE DEAD MAN"S ASL CHIMP
Jon Konrath
The title describes it accurately. This was absolutely hilarious, older school bizarro tale. It asks the very important question "When the hell is Abe Vigoda going to die, anyway?"
THE APPLE OF MY iPHONE
Danger Slater
A tale of obsessive love and Apple gadgets. Not too bad.
LIFE CYCLE
James Steele
A fantastic and different version of the life cycle of human men. Descriptive, and great visuals. I kept thinking about this story after I was done.
THE LEGEND OF A HO NAMED WALRUS SOUNDS
Vincent W. Sakowski
A tale of a misfit girl that eventually becomes Queen of the Walruses. Not too bad. Walrus stories are big in the Bizarro genre in 2012.
WALKIN AFTER MIDNIGHT
Donald Armfield
Hey, this tale briefly mentioned a hamster! In order to be free of a time loop, Patsy Cline asks the protagonist to decapitate 5 people in 6 days. Once he brings her the heads, he'll be freed. Excellent story! I want to see more work from Mr. Armfield.
CLEAR SKIES TODAY, GOD WILLING
Christy Leigh Stewart
Scraps of ideas fall from the sky. Some are sacred, some are trash. Short and succinct. Quite good.
THE INTERSTELLAR QUEST FOR SNACK CAKES
Patrick D'orazio
A sci-fi tale of aliens looking for Hostess products. Rather timely, given what's going on with Hostess. This one didn't grab me.
365 YESTERDAYS
Wol-Vriey
Beautiful Blonde Transexual Jenny Loveless gets an aquarium-head and has a sentient fruit friend named Magic Tomato. She makes a deal with the oxygen stealing god-Oxygenisis to restore the earth and it's inhabitants, to a time-loop. As always, Wol-vriey's writing is marvelous and impressive.
NECRO CANDY
Nick Cato
A sexy tale about a boy with a candy shop and how he meets his un-dead lust object after traveling through an old man's ass. (Yes, really.) Quite good.
THE FREE MONSTER
David Wallace Fleming
A tale of illegal downloading and a monster. Not bad.
BREAD ALONE
David Raffin
A tale about a native born sandwich boy in Antarctica. It has interesting, new, sandwiches and a twist ending. Pretty good.
LASER TITS
Justin Grimbol
A weirdly, sexy D&D-ish tale of a bellybutton sex, laser tits, poon power, and first dates. Super good, really liked it.
February 18, 2013
Another collection of bizarro tales to warp your fragile mind. Let's take a look at the book’s innards.
The Ballad of Billy the Squid - The first line sets the scene: "Scott Plammer had an octopus for a head." Since we're dealing in bizarro, you know that that line means exactly what it says. What does a man with an octopus for a head do with his life? You guessed it: move to Japan and star in tentacle porn videos. And deal his special brand of vengeance upon evil-doers.
I Think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall) - There's an old song about looking for love in all the wrong places. Now there's a story about looking for (and finding!) love in the bathroom stall. Music by Eddie Money.
A Hand Walks into the Bar - It's amazing how many bizarro noir tales there are out there. This one stars the disembodied hand of Caligula Zigguroth, trying to find its owner.
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp - A whacked-out tale of conspiracy theory, complete with an obsessive Three's Company fan ("Original Formula. Ropers. Norman Fell, motherfucker!") who almost meets his finale at the hands of sign-language ninja chimp ("Oh Jesus Christ. I'm gonna git the fuckin' AIDS from a ninja monkey throwing star!").
The Apple of My iPhone - What happens when a phone gets too attached to its owner? Things get Siri-ous! (See what iDid there?)
Life Cycle - A brilliantly written allegory on the cycle of human society. Freaky, but deep.
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds - The story of Walrus Sounds, the outcast girl who would lead Walruskind to the top of the food chain.
Walkin' After Midnight - Want out of this time loop? Bring me the severed heads of the following five people.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing – Look, up in the sky! It’s the latest thing!
The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes – In the future, how will humans make their mark on interstellar commerce? By dealing in Ho Hos. The key line in this tale: “Men who dig blue women have what’s called Kirk-Cameron Syndrome.”
365 Yesterdays – Want to save the world? Just say no to hot dogs and hamburgers.
Necrocandy – Do you wish your girlfriend was this sweet?
The Free Monster – “The Free Monster originates from our innermost ancient desires.” And the price is just right!
Bread Alone – The adventures of Billy of the Sandwich Corps in the Antarctica.
Laser Tits – Take the top two ingredients of sci-fi movies and what do you get? The Bizarro version of Game of Thrones, perhaps.
The Ballad of Billy the Squid - The first line sets the scene: "Scott Plammer had an octopus for a head." Since we're dealing in bizarro, you know that that line means exactly what it says. What does a man with an octopus for a head do with his life? You guessed it: move to Japan and star in tentacle porn videos. And deal his special brand of vengeance upon evil-doers.
I Think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall) - There's an old song about looking for love in all the wrong places. Now there's a story about looking for (and finding!) love in the bathroom stall. Music by Eddie Money.
A Hand Walks into the Bar - It's amazing how many bizarro noir tales there are out there. This one stars the disembodied hand of Caligula Zigguroth, trying to find its owner.
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp - A whacked-out tale of conspiracy theory, complete with an obsessive Three's Company fan ("Original Formula. Ropers. Norman Fell, motherfucker!") who almost meets his finale at the hands of sign-language ninja chimp ("Oh Jesus Christ. I'm gonna git the fuckin' AIDS from a ninja monkey throwing star!").
The Apple of My iPhone - What happens when a phone gets too attached to its owner? Things get Siri-ous! (See what iDid there?)
Life Cycle - A brilliantly written allegory on the cycle of human society. Freaky, but deep.
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds - The story of Walrus Sounds, the outcast girl who would lead Walruskind to the top of the food chain.
Walkin' After Midnight - Want out of this time loop? Bring me the severed heads of the following five people.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing – Look, up in the sky! It’s the latest thing!
The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes – In the future, how will humans make their mark on interstellar commerce? By dealing in Ho Hos. The key line in this tale: “Men who dig blue women have what’s called Kirk-Cameron Syndrome.”
365 Yesterdays – Want to save the world? Just say no to hot dogs and hamburgers.
Necrocandy – Do you wish your girlfriend was this sweet?
The Free Monster – “The Free Monster originates from our innermost ancient desires.” And the price is just right!
Bread Alone – The adventures of Billy of the Sandwich Corps in the Antarctica.
Laser Tits – Take the top two ingredients of sci-fi movies and what do you get? The Bizarro version of Game of Thrones, perhaps.
September 21, 2013
I’m beginning to get quite pissed off as this is the second volume of Tall Tales with Short Cocks and there are no fucking short cocks AT ALL!! I feel cheated and manipulated. Stop screwing with my emotions. Okay, now I’m beginning to feel a tad better…
This collection of Bizarro short stories is a giant leap better than the first volume. There is so much to love here. Anthologies like this are an excellent way to introduce new-to-you authors while still being able to enjoy the authors which you’ve already enjoyed previously.
There are 6 short stories which really tickled my fancy, and I have to say that is a high number because normally in these instances I am lucky to have 3 or 4 at the most. Below are my favorites:
I Think I’m in Love (Douglas Hackle) – I just giggled with delight while reading this one. Adore the guy’s continuing “relationship” with the unknown guy in the next bathroom stall. The subject matter of their exchanges were great - albeit gross - which put the chocolate frosting on my cupcake.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar (John McNee) – The first volume also included a story by John McNee and it was one of the highlights for me. Love the Bizarro noir thing going on. I’ve got Grudge Punk on the top of my TBR pile.
The Apple of My iPhone (Danger Slater) – A cautionary tale of modern technology and the Apple Revolution. Everything by Danger basically makes my day.
Princess Di’s Mercedes and the Dead Man’s ASL Chimp (Jon Konrath) – To borrow a term so eloquently termed by Douglas Hackle just yesterday in his review of Thunderbird, this is an excellent journey in Konrathverse. What a fucking mind trip this was. The autopsy report had me in stitches. Bonus points that it took place in Chicago.
Life Cycle (James Steele) – This was a new author for me and I really enjoyed his tale on a more intellectual level. I kept thinking about those creatures from the movie Prometheus.
Walkin’ After Midnight (Donald Armfield) – Bloody and gory and oh so good. Love the time loop and how so many questions were left unanswered.
365 Yesterdays (Wol-vriey) – This is Vol-vriey so what more is there to say? His imagination continues to baffle me.
This collection of Bizarro short stories is a giant leap better than the first volume. There is so much to love here. Anthologies like this are an excellent way to introduce new-to-you authors while still being able to enjoy the authors which you’ve already enjoyed previously.
There are 6 short stories which really tickled my fancy, and I have to say that is a high number because normally in these instances I am lucky to have 3 or 4 at the most. Below are my favorites:
I Think I’m in Love (Douglas Hackle) – I just giggled with delight while reading this one. Adore the guy’s continuing “relationship” with the unknown guy in the next bathroom stall. The subject matter of their exchanges were great - albeit gross - which put the chocolate frosting on my cupcake.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar (John McNee) – The first volume also included a story by John McNee and it was one of the highlights for me. Love the Bizarro noir thing going on. I’ve got Grudge Punk on the top of my TBR pile.
The Apple of My iPhone (Danger Slater) – A cautionary tale of modern technology and the Apple Revolution. Everything by Danger basically makes my day.
Princess Di’s Mercedes and the Dead Man’s ASL Chimp (Jon Konrath) – To borrow a term so eloquently termed by Douglas Hackle just yesterday in his review of Thunderbird, this is an excellent journey in Konrathverse. What a fucking mind trip this was. The autopsy report had me in stitches. Bonus points that it took place in Chicago.
Life Cycle (James Steele) – This was a new author for me and I really enjoyed his tale on a more intellectual level. I kept thinking about those creatures from the movie Prometheus.
Walkin’ After Midnight (Donald Armfield) – Bloody and gory and oh so good. Love the time loop and how so many questions were left unanswered.
365 Yesterdays (Wol-vriey) – This is Vol-vriey so what more is there to say? His imagination continues to baffle me.
October 2, 2012
When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)
Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….
**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**
Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….
**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**
June 9, 2013
This is an anthology. I always have trouble with anthologies. I rarely read every story. But I did this time around, which, I guess, is a good sign. I liked some stories more than others, of course. Some were rather good; one was really hard to get through; most were fairly entertaining reads. Some readers might have a problem with the content: scatological, experimental, absurdist, hyper-violent, sexually perverse, and intentionally offensive and juvenile. I’m not one to be bothered by such things. Just thought I’d mention it for those who are.
The main issue I had with this collection is all the pop-culture references. I don’t find them to be inherently funny. Just like me holding up the DVD case for Mac and Me and pointing at the cover isn't funny. But I imagine that the seemingly unstoppable machines that are the Scary Movie franchise and Seth MacFarlane are largely to blame for perpetuating this common misconception that referencing something from pop-culture somehow equals satire. (Now, if you do find pop-culture references hilarious, then you’ll laugh so hard reading this book that your sexual organs will explode into glittery confetti gnomes.)
OK. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, here’s a list of the stories in this collection I liked the most:
1. "Life Cycle" by James Steele
2. "I Think I’m in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall)" by Douglas Hackle
3. "A Hand Walks Into a Bar" by John McNee
Now, don’t get me wrong, there were many others that I enjoyed. It’s just that the three listed above were the stand-outs.
The main issue I had with this collection is all the pop-culture references. I don’t find them to be inherently funny. Just like me holding up the DVD case for Mac and Me and pointing at the cover isn't funny. But I imagine that the seemingly unstoppable machines that are the Scary Movie franchise and Seth MacFarlane are largely to blame for perpetuating this common misconception that referencing something from pop-culture somehow equals satire. (Now, if you do find pop-culture references hilarious, then you’ll laugh so hard reading this book that your sexual organs will explode into glittery confetti gnomes.)
OK. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, here’s a list of the stories in this collection I liked the most:
1. "Life Cycle" by James Steele
2. "I Think I’m in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall)" by Douglas Hackle
3. "A Hand Walks Into a Bar" by John McNee
Now, don’t get me wrong, there were many others that I enjoyed. It’s just that the three listed above were the stand-outs.
July 29, 2013
What I love about this collection is that it's everything you expect bzarro fiction to be. it's eclectic, bizarre, but fun as hell to read. For those that are new to genre it's not a good place to start because it will only confuse you. anthologies like these aren't going to explain what Bizarro fiction is.
The second collection of Tall Tales is an insane mixture but highly readable and further proof that bizarro isn't a fad it's a living breathing organism of absurdity and shock value that you have to appreciate and love.
The second collection of Tall Tales is an insane mixture but highly readable and further proof that bizarro isn't a fad it's a living breathing organism of absurdity and shock value that you have to appreciate and love.
December 2, 2012
I have a short story in this anthology. To All of the other authors in this book. I think we made a kickass book. And like Danger Slater said "Long Live The Cock" Here are my ratings for all the stories. Mine gets 5 Stars because I am a bias prick.
The Ballad of Billy The Squid porno star, to many man rods for me. 3 STARS
Douglas Hackle's Bathroom stall love story (kinda) is another reason why I don't use public restrooms. 4 STARS
A Hand walks into a Bar title sounds like the start of a joke. If body parts could talk they would be raving about this story. Its "Thing from the Addams Family in his first mobster short. 5 STARS
Jon Konrath's ASL ninja chimp and the adventure to get a 1994 Mercedes-Benz S280 is a trip. LMAO! 5 Stars.
The Apple of My iPhone A love story for technology with a bite of horror. 5 stars
James Steele's Life Cycle Very creative writing as I was reading I kept waiting for Elton John to start singing.....The Cycle of Life 3.5 Stars
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds Very bizarre she gets her name from the sounds she made at birth and then starts sexing all the tribes men. 3.5 stars.
Clear Skies Tomorrow, God Willing What it gods name, just agree on chicken! 3.5 Stars.
Patrick D'Orazio's quest for snacks cakes makes the princess happy. Its Little Memo meets Star Trec on crack. 4 Stars.
365 Yesterdays by Wol-vriey A repeating yesterday with no hamburgers or hotdogs. Wol-vriey always gives my eyes an orgasm of delight. 5 Stars
Necrocandy Wow! A Treaty Treat from Nick Cato. A sexy love story of straight out bizarre. Now tell me do you have an urge for candy? 5 Stars.
The Free Monster
Illegal downloading with a monster on the run. Interesting but didn't make my nipples hard. 3 Stars.
Bread Alone Subway eat your heart out or stab yourself in the head with an ice pick....Billy makes a better sandwich...okay story 3.5 stars
Laser Tits a seven inch long belly button. Wow! After Reading Grimbol's short I now need to get my hands on more of his work. 4 stars.
The Ballad of Billy The Squid porno star, to many man rods for me. 3 STARS
Douglas Hackle's Bathroom stall love story (kinda) is another reason why I don't use public restrooms. 4 STARS
A Hand walks into a Bar title sounds like the start of a joke. If body parts could talk they would be raving about this story. Its "Thing from the Addams Family in his first mobster short. 5 STARS
Jon Konrath's ASL ninja chimp and the adventure to get a 1994 Mercedes-Benz S280 is a trip. LMAO! 5 Stars.
The Apple of My iPhone A love story for technology with a bite of horror. 5 stars
James Steele's Life Cycle Very creative writing as I was reading I kept waiting for Elton John to start singing.....The Cycle of Life 3.5 Stars
The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds Very bizarre she gets her name from the sounds she made at birth and then starts sexing all the tribes men. 3.5 stars.
Clear Skies Tomorrow, God Willing What it gods name, just agree on chicken! 3.5 Stars.
Patrick D'Orazio's quest for snacks cakes makes the princess happy. Its Little Memo meets Star Trec on crack. 4 Stars.
365 Yesterdays by Wol-vriey A repeating yesterday with no hamburgers or hotdogs. Wol-vriey always gives my eyes an orgasm of delight. 5 Stars
Necrocandy Wow! A Treaty Treat from Nick Cato. A sexy love story of straight out bizarre. Now tell me do you have an urge for candy? 5 Stars.
The Free Monster
Illegal downloading with a monster on the run. Interesting but didn't make my nipples hard. 3 Stars.
Bread Alone Subway eat your heart out or stab yourself in the head with an ice pick....Billy makes a better sandwich...okay story 3.5 stars
Laser Tits a seven inch long belly button. Wow! After Reading Grimbol's short I now need to get my hands on more of his work. 4 stars.
June 2, 2013
I'm loving this series of books more each volume I check out. I've run out for the moment, so there is no more until whenever the fourth volume comes out. Even after three volumes, I'm not seeing anything repetitive. Each story is a creature all it's own, yet the series has a cohesive feel. There is just something free and vital about this kind of writing, and this volume (as well as the whole series) makes excellent use of that. I'm not sure I could pick a favorite, or even a favorite volume in the series, but it's all a hell of a lot of fun to read.
December 5, 2013
Worth the price. There were few stories I didn't make very far into, which might have turned out to been fine tales had I not such a short attention span, but overall, a very good read. The highlights for me were: I think I'm love by Douglas Hackle, the Apple of my iPhone by Danger Slater, and Cycle of Life by James Steele.
June 2, 2013
Vol 2 is certainly stronger on the whole than Vol 1, and also a better introduction for a new reader to bizarro. Some stories would fit well in a non-bizarro anthology, and a few were weird but seemed a little pointless. There were stories with some less than human sexual experiences to make us rethink our bland fetishes, stories warning us of our dependence on iPhones and illegal digital downloads, and the most disturbing story I've ever read: Douglas Hackle's I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) - why? Well, you'll just have to read it to find out because I'm 10 years away from being able to even discuss this one.
March 26, 2014
I <3 me some Danger Slater.
Looking forward to Vol. 3.
Looking forward to Vol. 3.
November 27, 2012
When I first saw the cover to this book I saw a girl standing in front of a circle with a squid on her face. Then I read the first story, and I saw a Japanese girl with a load on her face. (You’re just going to have to trust me on this.)
Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….
**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**
Anyways, it’s hard to review a 15 story anthology and do it any justice, so I’m just going to pick 5 stories and do those proper. Seeing as how I already kind of reviewed “THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE SQUID” we’ll count that as the first one.
A HAND WALKS INTO A BAR by John McNee
McNee wrote the first story in Tall Tales 1. Everybody who reviewed the first one agrees, the man can write a story. Anyways, he returns us to the city of Grudge, a Diesel-Punkish world where shady clockwork characters rule, and good guys are hard to find. It reminds me of Sin City with robots. It’s good, not as amazing as his first story, but still REALLY good.
I THINK I'M IN LOVE (OR, THE STRANGER IN THE STALL) by Douglas Hackle
Holy crap is this funny. I don’t know how Douglas managed to get Eddie Money to do the soundtrack to this story, but I’m glad he did because it rocks. If you’ve ever wondered how sexy the guy in the stall next to you dropping a deuce is, this is the story for you.
THE APPLE OF MY IPHONE by Danger Slater
We all know having sexual relations with a phone is dangerous, well…. It’s like using shampoo to jerk off, you think it’s going to be awesome, but the consequences are painful. Only, having sex with a phone can turn deadly…
LASER TITS by Justin Grimbol
HILARIOUS!!! This story is sooooooo funny. I don’t even know if it was good or not because I was laughing hysterically the whole time. And the title, man that has got to be the best title for a story EVER! Granted, I have the maturity level of a 12 year old so….
**These are not necessarily the stories I thought were the BEST, I tend to gravitate towards humor, so these were the ones I LIKED the most. I’m sure my top 5 is going to be different than your top 5, but you’ll have to read Tall Tales 2 to find out.**
May 18, 2015
I have to confess that I forgot to take notes while reading this and then waited nearly four months to write this review so my apologies for the lack of depth.
The Ballad of Billy the Squid was a good choice for the first story, opening with tentacle porn is always a winner. Fun story that made me laugh, I really liked Scott's character.
I think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall) was definitely an odd but interesting read. A Hand Walks Into a Bar was a great story set in The Grudge, I want to say I read it in Grudge Punk first but enjoyed it just as much the second time around.
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp was full of action and jokes but wasn't as memorable as the other stories in the book.
The Apple of My iPhone was suitably disturbing as was Life Cycle (which seemed to relate more to actual human nature and as such had more impact for me). The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds was one of those fun bizarro stories that was pretty amusing the entire way through.
Walkin' After Midnight was really good, it was pretty deep for such a short work. Clear Skies Today, God Willing was fun and I liked lines like "I wish God had invented more chicken instead of Jesus. We can all agree on chicken, at least."
365 Yesterdays was yet another really good story by Wol-vriey (one of my favorite bizarro authors). Necrocandy was another really fun story, I haven't been creeped out by candy like that before. Bread Alone was a good read even if I don't remember many of the details. Laser Tits was another one that I know I enjoyed but don't remember all that well.
Overall I'd say the really good stories more than carried the weaker ones but none of them were bad (just not as memorable as the others).
The Ballad of Billy the Squid was a good choice for the first story, opening with tentacle porn is always a winner. Fun story that made me laugh, I really liked Scott's character.
I think I'm in Love (Or, The Stranger in the Stall) was definitely an odd but interesting read. A Hand Walks Into a Bar was a great story set in The Grudge, I want to say I read it in Grudge Punk first but enjoyed it just as much the second time around.
Princess Di's Mercedes and the Dead Man's ASL Chimp was full of action and jokes but wasn't as memorable as the other stories in the book.
The Apple of My iPhone was suitably disturbing as was Life Cycle (which seemed to relate more to actual human nature and as such had more impact for me). The Legend of a Ho Named Walrus Sounds was one of those fun bizarro stories that was pretty amusing the entire way through.
Walkin' After Midnight was really good, it was pretty deep for such a short work. Clear Skies Today, God Willing was fun and I liked lines like "I wish God had invented more chicken instead of Jesus. We can all agree on chicken, at least."
365 Yesterdays was yet another really good story by Wol-vriey (one of my favorite bizarro authors). Necrocandy was another really fun story, I haven't been creeped out by candy like that before. Bread Alone was a good read even if I don't remember many of the details. Laser Tits was another one that I know I enjoyed but don't remember all that well.
Overall I'd say the really good stories more than carried the weaker ones but none of them were bad (just not as memorable as the others).
January 15, 2018
Well, that was really dumb. An anthology where every story basically devolves into a poorly written sex scenes with animals, aliens, or the like. The ideas and setup were interesting but the writing is just bad.
November 8, 2017
i liked the stories by hackle, armfield, wol-vriey, cato, and grimbol.
April 6, 2018
A mixed bag to say the least.
I wish I could give this book a higher score. Some of the stories are genuinely good and overall the stories are quite imaginative. Buuut, there’s some real stinkers in here, including two of the worst short stories I’ve ever read.
I wish I could give this book a higher score. Some of the stories are genuinely good and overall the stories are quite imaginative. Buuut, there’s some real stinkers in here, including two of the worst short stories I’ve ever read.
September 3, 2022
Like most short story collections in the Bizarro genre, Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 2 is uneven, but always original. There are tales that are bizarrely told, which are generally my least favourite, and those that are more traditionally told, but about bizarre things, which is where I find the appeal.
The 'hits' for me in this collection included:
The Ballad of Billy the Squid by Eirik Gumeny merges two individually bizarre ideas - a boy with a squid for a head & the fetish oddity of tentacle porn - and fashions them into a story that's more complex and entertaining than you might expect.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar by John McNee is a darkly humorous tale of the macabre that reminded me of Clive Barker's The Body Politic in that not only manages to make a character of a dismembered hand, but actually makes it interesting.
Princess Di’s Mercedes and the Dead Man’s ASL Chimp by Jon Konrath is a story that never manages to be quite as controversial or in-your-face offensive as the title would suggest, but which thoroughly entertains with its truly inventive technological and sociological twists.
The Apple of My iPhone by Danger Slater is one of my favourites in the collection, a story of technological obsession and integration that's certainly been told before, but never quite like this, and never with quite such a satisfying twist ending.
Walkin’ After Midnight by Donald Armfield is a strangely inventive, almost surreally entertaining, tale of well-timed pop culture references, psudeo-mythological dreams, and the oddest hit-list in hired killer history.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing by Christy Leigh Stewart is an extremely short, satirical take on religion and instant-gratification that amused me to no end.
365 Yesterdays by Wol-vriey is one of the strangest end-of-the-world tales I've ever read, but completely entertaining in its cruel ingenuity regarding alien motives and human wish-fulfillment.
Bread Alone by David Raffin is a twisted tale of just how far (and how easily) isolation can drive one to madness, especially when surrounded by penguins!
Laser Tits by Justin Grimbol is almost as awesome as the title suggests, a story of personification, obsession, and sexual excesses that tries a bit too hard, but which manages to embed the surreal so deeply within the tale that it almost seems normal.
If you're a fan of the Bizarro genre, then there is plenty here to enjoy, much of it from authors you've likely sampled before. If you're new to the genre, then this is a great place to start, offering up small samples of the quirks and oddities found within it, at least one of which is certain to catch your interest.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
The 'hits' for me in this collection included:
The Ballad of Billy the Squid by Eirik Gumeny merges two individually bizarre ideas - a boy with a squid for a head & the fetish oddity of tentacle porn - and fashions them into a story that's more complex and entertaining than you might expect.
A Hand Walks Into a Bar by John McNee is a darkly humorous tale of the macabre that reminded me of Clive Barker's The Body Politic in that not only manages to make a character of a dismembered hand, but actually makes it interesting.
Princess Di’s Mercedes and the Dead Man’s ASL Chimp by Jon Konrath is a story that never manages to be quite as controversial or in-your-face offensive as the title would suggest, but which thoroughly entertains with its truly inventive technological and sociological twists.
The Apple of My iPhone by Danger Slater is one of my favourites in the collection, a story of technological obsession and integration that's certainly been told before, but never quite like this, and never with quite such a satisfying twist ending.
Walkin’ After Midnight by Donald Armfield is a strangely inventive, almost surreally entertaining, tale of well-timed pop culture references, psudeo-mythological dreams, and the oddest hit-list in hired killer history.
Clear Skies Today, God Willing by Christy Leigh Stewart is an extremely short, satirical take on religion and instant-gratification that amused me to no end.
365 Yesterdays by Wol-vriey is one of the strangest end-of-the-world tales I've ever read, but completely entertaining in its cruel ingenuity regarding alien motives and human wish-fulfillment.
Bread Alone by David Raffin is a twisted tale of just how far (and how easily) isolation can drive one to madness, especially when surrounded by penguins!
Laser Tits by Justin Grimbol is almost as awesome as the title suggests, a story of personification, obsession, and sexual excesses that tries a bit too hard, but which manages to embed the surreal so deeply within the tale that it almost seems normal.
If you're a fan of the Bizarro genre, then there is plenty here to enjoy, much of it from authors you've likely sampled before. If you're new to the genre, then this is a great place to start, offering up small samples of the quirks and oddities found within it, at least one of which is certain to catch your interest.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
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