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Mother Daughter Me
The complex, deeply binding relationship between mothers and daughters is brought vividly to life in Katie Hafner’s remarkable memoir, an exploration of the year she and her mother, Helen, spent working through, and triumphing over, a lifetime of unresolved emotions.
Dreaming of a “year in Provence” with her mother, Katie urges Helen to move to San Francisco to live with her and Zoë, Katie’s teenage daughter. Katie and Zoë had become a mother-daughter team, strong enough, Katie thought, to absorb the arrival of a seventy-seven-year-old woman set in her ways.
Filled with fairy-tale hope that she and her mother would become friends, and that Helen would grow close to her exceptional granddaughter, Katie embarked on an experiment in intergenerational living that she would soon discover was filled with land mines: memories of her parents’ painful divorce, of her mother’s drinking, of dislocating moves back and forth across the country, and of Katie’s own widowhood and bumpy recovery. Helen, for her part, was also holding difficult issues at bay.
How these three women from such different generations learn to navigate their challenging, turbulent, and ultimately healing journey together makes for riveting reading. By turns heartbreaking and funny—and always insightful—Katie Hafner’s brave and loving book answers questions about the universal truths of family that are central to the lives of so many.
Dreaming of a “year in Provence” with her mother, Katie urges Helen to move to San Francisco to live with her and Zoë, Katie’s teenage daughter. Katie and Zoë had become a mother-daughter team, strong enough, Katie thought, to absorb the arrival of a seventy-seven-year-old woman set in her ways.
Filled with fairy-tale hope that she and her mother would become friends, and that Helen would grow close to her exceptional granddaughter, Katie embarked on an experiment in intergenerational living that she would soon discover was filled with land mines: memories of her parents’ painful divorce, of her mother’s drinking, of dislocating moves back and forth across the country, and of Katie’s own widowhood and bumpy recovery. Helen, for her part, was also holding difficult issues at bay.
How these three women from such different generations learn to navigate their challenging, turbulent, and ultimately healing journey together makes for riveting reading. By turns heartbreaking and funny—and always insightful—Katie Hafner’s brave and loving book answers questions about the universal truths of family that are central to the lives of so many.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2013
238 people are currently reading
7030 people want to read
About the author
Katie Hafner
22 books199 followersKatie Hafner was on staff at The New York Times for ten years, where she remains a frequent contributor, writing on healthcare and technology. She is the author of six works of nonfiction covering a diverse range of topics, including the origins of the Internet, computer hackers, German reunification, and the pianist Glenn Gould.
O Magazine named her memoir - Mother Daughter Me – one of "Ten Titles to Pick Up Now."
Her first novel, The Boys, will be published July 26, 2022 by Spiegel & Grau.
O Magazine named her memoir - Mother Daughter Me – one of "Ten Titles to Pick Up Now."
Her first novel, The Boys, will be published July 26, 2022 by Spiegel & Grau.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 403 reviews
September 23, 2013
This is one of those books that you have high expectations for...
And yet, I cannot keep reading, even though I want to.
I had to put it down and return it to the library because I was getting bored by the author's drama that is not really drama. Really, it is a refusal to see life the way it really is.. And to do something about it. Instead, the author wants to be seen as a saint who can let her mother move back in with her and expect life to be peachy keen. It is not, and the author has no boundaries, just leaving the house and forgetting to tell her daughter she is on a date, for example.
I am not interested in seeing this play out; there is lots of complaining and self-righteousness, even when her good friends wonder if this is the right thing. Was this the right thing? To write a book about it? If things work out or not, I am not interested enough to stick around and find out. Instead, I just need a break!
And yet, I cannot keep reading, even though I want to.
I had to put it down and return it to the library because I was getting bored by the author's drama that is not really drama. Really, it is a refusal to see life the way it really is.. And to do something about it. Instead, the author wants to be seen as a saint who can let her mother move back in with her and expect life to be peachy keen. It is not, and the author has no boundaries, just leaving the house and forgetting to tell her daughter she is on a date, for example.
I am not interested in seeing this play out; there is lots of complaining and self-righteousness, even when her good friends wonder if this is the right thing. Was this the right thing? To write a book about it? If things work out or not, I am not interested enough to stick around and find out. Instead, I just need a break!
August 31, 2013
It was well-written, which is the only thing that saved it from being a one star review for me.
I intensely disliked the author and especially Zoe, her rude and obnoxious teenager. I read a review on this very website that said this book would resonate for "educated women." Frankly, this book is not for the educated, it is for the entitled who seem to believe that they are victims of their circumstances and the world owes them something. A very frustrating read.
I intensely disliked the author and especially Zoe, her rude and obnoxious teenager. I read a review on this very website that said this book would resonate for "educated women." Frankly, this book is not for the educated, it is for the entitled who seem to believe that they are victims of their circumstances and the world owes them something. A very frustrating read.
July 25, 2013
I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of the book through a Good Reads giveaway. The book is a memoir which centers around a summer in the author's life when she attempts to live with both her teenaged daughter and her octogenarian mother. Having a teenaged daughter and senior aged mother myself, I thought the book would appeal to me, but realized after reading it that the book would be a gripping read for anyone.
Katie Hafner is a talented writer with no shortage of experience writing non-fiction. The story is well paced and begins when her mother moves from San Diego to San Francisco to live with she and her teenaged daughter. Frequent flashbacks fill in the back story of Katie's upbringing and her mother's childhood. That's where the story gets really interesting. Katie's parents divorced when she was young, and Katie spent her formative years living with her unpredictable, alcoholic single mother who eventually lost custody of her two daughters. Her mother's childhood was equally fraught with problems and bad parenting. You begin to sympathize with her mother when you learn how she was treated by her parents; basically ignored and then left almost penniless, despite her parents substantial fortune.
The author also describes her courtship and marriage to her husband, and the sad and shocking end to her marriage. The author does a wonderful job of articulating the complicated emotions and thoughts she has about her relationship with her mother throughout the various stages of her life. But Hafner never takes a "woe is me" tone in the book, despite the adversity she has faced.
I found the book fascinating, all the more so because it is true! A great read for anyone.
Katie Hafner is a talented writer with no shortage of experience writing non-fiction. The story is well paced and begins when her mother moves from San Diego to San Francisco to live with she and her teenaged daughter. Frequent flashbacks fill in the back story of Katie's upbringing and her mother's childhood. That's where the story gets really interesting. Katie's parents divorced when she was young, and Katie spent her formative years living with her unpredictable, alcoholic single mother who eventually lost custody of her two daughters. Her mother's childhood was equally fraught with problems and bad parenting. You begin to sympathize with her mother when you learn how she was treated by her parents; basically ignored and then left almost penniless, despite her parents substantial fortune.
The author also describes her courtship and marriage to her husband, and the sad and shocking end to her marriage. The author does a wonderful job of articulating the complicated emotions and thoughts she has about her relationship with her mother throughout the various stages of her life. But Hafner never takes a "woe is me" tone in the book, despite the adversity she has faced.
I found the book fascinating, all the more so because it is true! A great read for anyone.
June 16, 2013
I received this book from a friend who told me it was a "must read". Although I am not the target audience for Mother Daughter Me, I found myself swept up by the authors heart-wrenching and painfully real story. Hafner's writing is very entertaining and she should be applauded for her honesty.
While I am not a daughter, I am a son of a mother and a grandson of a grandmother. Until reading Hafner's memoir I had never given much thought to my mother's life before my birth and her relationship with her own mother. I was intrigued by Hafner's detailed depiction of how difficult it can be to navigate inter-generational living. It made me appreciate my connection to my own mother and the sacrifices and choices she has made in terms of her children as well as her parents.
All three women in the novel are on display for the reader - there are no 'good' or 'bad' characters; they are just real people with real flaws. As a reader, I found myself growing to respect and understand the women even though I didn't always agree with the actions they took.
This is a memoir that almost anyone can relate to because it deals with some of the hard truths of family and relationships that we all face. Loved it!
While I am not a daughter, I am a son of a mother and a grandson of a grandmother. Until reading Hafner's memoir I had never given much thought to my mother's life before my birth and her relationship with her own mother. I was intrigued by Hafner's detailed depiction of how difficult it can be to navigate inter-generational living. It made me appreciate my connection to my own mother and the sacrifices and choices she has made in terms of her children as well as her parents.
All three women in the novel are on display for the reader - there are no 'good' or 'bad' characters; they are just real people with real flaws. As a reader, I found myself growing to respect and understand the women even though I didn't always agree with the actions they took.
This is a memoir that almost anyone can relate to because it deals with some of the hard truths of family and relationships that we all face. Loved it!
July 26, 2016
Before I review, I had to post one perfect passage, from author Katie Hafner talking about her ability to live without a man in her life:
"I'm not sure where this new strength came from. It definitely wasn't from years of therapy on and off, which failed to help in any fundamental way. And it couldn't have been meditation, yoga, or solo backpacking trips to the Sierra, because I never did any of that. It was simply years and years of trying it the other way and having it blow up in my face."
A raw, sometimes funny, sometimes wrenching, memoir. An author unafraid to show her less-appealing traits.
"I'm not sure where this new strength came from. It definitely wasn't from years of therapy on and off, which failed to help in any fundamental way. And it couldn't have been meditation, yoga, or solo backpacking trips to the Sierra, because I never did any of that. It was simply years and years of trying it the other way and having it blow up in my face."
A raw, sometimes funny, sometimes wrenching, memoir. An author unafraid to show her less-appealing traits.
August 16, 2013
Sometimes i get when people say they hate memoirs or they are so over them and I can understand why. No everyone has a story that you'd sit through 300 plus pages when there are so many other awesome reads out there. But then again there is something to be said about reading a book, remarkable or not, about someone's life.
I am so curious about other people's lives that i forget to live my own. And then sometimes I read because so much is happening in my life i just want to sit and watch instead of being on the stage.
anyway, this book was about three generations of women and how they lived for almost a year in the same house. That's an okay premise but the writing and the way the story was told was readable. You find out about the alcoholism, custody issues, feelings of neglect, sudden death and losing a parent, a sister and how to raise a child solo.
it's about growing older, finding love accepting situations and getting over the past.
it wasn't a cookie cutter story and it wasn't anything unique. But I think it was worth the time it took to read it and I will happily read more from the author in the future if she publishes again.
I am so curious about other people's lives that i forget to live my own. And then sometimes I read because so much is happening in my life i just want to sit and watch instead of being on the stage.
anyway, this book was about three generations of women and how they lived for almost a year in the same house. That's an okay premise but the writing and the way the story was told was readable. You find out about the alcoholism, custody issues, feelings of neglect, sudden death and losing a parent, a sister and how to raise a child solo.
it's about growing older, finding love accepting situations and getting over the past.
it wasn't a cookie cutter story and it wasn't anything unique. But I think it was worth the time it took to read it and I will happily read more from the author in the future if she publishes again.
May 20, 2013
I loved this extraordinary book. Katie Hafner's combination of journalistic skill and insight, and willingness to share intimate details of her complicated personal history make Mother Daughter Me a must-read. Presented with challenge after challenge throughout her life, the author manages to maintain a sense of humor while sharing her disastrous experiment in intergenerational living and her often heartbreaking family life that led up to it. Among other things, this book is about our need to connect to our mothers, no matter what their problems are or how they mistreated us. Whether you have a good or difficult relationship with your own mother or daughter, Mother Daughter Me will make you think more deeply about your role and responsibility in your family.
February 21, 2014
I liked this book in the beginning. But the at some point just decided Katie needed to grow up and accept that life is challenging. And lots worse things have happened to others who fought back and worked through. I actually found myself feeling sorry for her mother and the ongoing amount of disrespect she endured from both her daughter and granddaughter.
There was a small amount of resolve in the end but again almost felt that Katie's mother was the bigger person throughout the story. She suffered from the disease of alcoholism, made it out the other side and continues to improve the quality of her life. Really wish I had liked this book more.
There was a small amount of resolve in the end but again almost felt that Katie's mother was the bigger person throughout the story. She suffered from the disease of alcoholism, made it out the other side and continues to improve the quality of her life. Really wish I had liked this book more.
June 26, 2013
What Eat Pray Love did for educated women with unhappy love lives who plunge into spiritual abysses, journalist Katie Hafner’s memoir Mother Daughter Me does for rootless educated women with abysmal, possibly alcoholic, mothers. As adults, these women—these daughters of abysmal mothers—can be sandwiched between being mothers themselves and repairing the damage wrought by formerly nightmarish mothers whom they now want to care for.
See my full review at http://www.betsyrobinson-writer.com/b...
See my full review at http://www.betsyrobinson-writer.com/b...
May 13, 2013
Katie Hafner’s MOTHER DAUGHTER ME; a memoir is her poignant recounting of her life as a happy little girl living in Rochester to the present. Her world fell apart when her parents divorced. Her mother was an alcoholic whose daughters were left to fend for themselves, Katie often blaming herself for her mother’s binges. Katie’s life involved many moves, each one with the promise that things would be better, but as a child, not understanding that the problems move with you. Years later while living in San Francisco with her daughter Zoe, Katie’s desire to have a loving relationship with her mother led her to invite her mother to come live with them. Unable to let go of her childhood memories, this turned out to be a disaster for Katie, her mother, and Zoe. What would it take for a loving relationship to emerge from so much bad history?
Katie Hafner writes with a sprinkle of humor and complete honesty while revealing both the joys and the wounds of her relationship with her mother. MOTHER DAUGHTER ME is a totally engrossing retelling of how a person’s actions, beliefs (whether right or wrong), and memories shape who she becomes, and what it takes to mend the fences built. I highly recommend MOTHER DAUGHTER ME.
Katie Hafner writes with a sprinkle of humor and complete honesty while revealing both the joys and the wounds of her relationship with her mother. MOTHER DAUGHTER ME is a totally engrossing retelling of how a person’s actions, beliefs (whether right or wrong), and memories shape who she becomes, and what it takes to mend the fences built. I highly recommend MOTHER DAUGHTER ME.
January 31, 2013
Mother Daughter Me is an utterly engrossing book: one of those books you can't help staying up half the night to finish, even though you have to go to work in the morning. There were a few times when I found its honesty uncomfortable, but I couldn't help being grateful to these three women for their courage in letting us watch them try to heal their relationships, even when it means pushing aside the safe zones we create when we make excuses for the sake of getting along at least a little bit.
And all families do this, don't they: make excuses for problems and live with them because family should be a synonym for acceptance and support? Acceptance may sometimes be affectionate tolerance, but as often as not in families it's a wall we erect to protect ourselves. And not only with large problems like the alcoholism that affects Katie Hafner's mother and her family: we do it with smaller things, too. We grit our teeth and tolerate Uncle Al's slightly demeaning needling ("Oh, that's just his way of showing affection") and the mother who always has something critical to say about someone. (Not my mother, mind you.) And in its own way, this keeps us apart as much as it keeps us together.
What I most admire about this book -- what kept me rooting for these three women late into the night -- is its hopefulness. Every step of the way, Katie Hafner is hopeful that she and her mother and daughter can build a more positive relationship. And every time it blows up, they come right back and try again, each in her own way trying to find a way to come together. If they can do it, we can to.
And all families do this, don't they: make excuses for problems and live with them because family should be a synonym for acceptance and support? Acceptance may sometimes be affectionate tolerance, but as often as not in families it's a wall we erect to protect ourselves. And not only with large problems like the alcoholism that affects Katie Hafner's mother and her family: we do it with smaller things, too. We grit our teeth and tolerate Uncle Al's slightly demeaning needling ("Oh, that's just his way of showing affection") and the mother who always has something critical to say about someone. (Not my mother, mind you.) And in its own way, this keeps us apart as much as it keeps us together.
What I most admire about this book -- what kept me rooting for these three women late into the night -- is its hopefulness. Every step of the way, Katie Hafner is hopeful that she and her mother and daughter can build a more positive relationship. And every time it blows up, they come right back and try again, each in her own way trying to find a way to come together. If they can do it, we can to.
April 2, 2014
Excerpt from my review:
I just finished reading Katie's luminous memoir, Mother, Daughter, Me. She takes us along on a cross-generational adventure: a year in San Francisco with her elderly mother and her daughter. It sounds simple enough, but these relationships are twisted and frayed by a history that Katie manages to relate with a blend of unflinching honesty and humor. Her mother, an alcoholic, had largely neglected her two daughters as she dragged them from coast to another. She lost custody of them when Katie was 10. Katie's teenaged daughter, Zoe, had lost her father to a sudden heart attack when she was 8, and then suffered through her mother's failed rebound marriage to one of her teachers. She and her mother clung to each other like two shipwreck survivors. When Katie's mother arrives, the San Francisco home simmers with jealously, guilt, and regrets. Each one of them threads back to history, some of which Katie discovers as she does research for the book.
It's a wonderful read. What was especially interesting to me was how Katie and, especially, her mother, communicated through signals and indirect language. They even carried on a war over flatware. And Zoe appeared not to perceive it. As Katie tells it, she was used to more straight-forward communcation. I've met Zoe, albeit briefly, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if she picked up all sorts of signals but chose, for her own reasons, to bulldoze through them.
http://thenumerati.net/?postID=952&am...
I just finished reading Katie's luminous memoir, Mother, Daughter, Me. She takes us along on a cross-generational adventure: a year in San Francisco with her elderly mother and her daughter. It sounds simple enough, but these relationships are twisted and frayed by a history that Katie manages to relate with a blend of unflinching honesty and humor. Her mother, an alcoholic, had largely neglected her two daughters as she dragged them from coast to another. She lost custody of them when Katie was 10. Katie's teenaged daughter, Zoe, had lost her father to a sudden heart attack when she was 8, and then suffered through her mother's failed rebound marriage to one of her teachers. She and her mother clung to each other like two shipwreck survivors. When Katie's mother arrives, the San Francisco home simmers with jealously, guilt, and regrets. Each one of them threads back to history, some of which Katie discovers as she does research for the book.
It's a wonderful read. What was especially interesting to me was how Katie and, especially, her mother, communicated through signals and indirect language. They even carried on a war over flatware. And Zoe appeared not to perceive it. As Katie tells it, she was used to more straight-forward communcation. I've met Zoe, albeit briefly, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if she picked up all sorts of signals but chose, for her own reasons, to bulldoze through them.
http://thenumerati.net/?postID=952&am...
July 31, 2013
I wasn't wild about this book at first. The author seemed to TELL a lot, in a way that made it hard for me to get drawn into the story. She also interspersed life events with information about coping with alcoholism, divorce, etc. from research studies, therapists, and self-help type books in a way that was initially off-putting. She talks about the distance that she has always kept between her and her life experiences, preferring the role of observer (journalist, etc.) to that of active participant. I think the book sometimes feels a bit distant from the events.
I stuck with it and ended up getting drawn more deeply into the emotional content of the memoir. I didn't dislike the book in the end, but it's a fairly straightforward tale of a very troubled family who make some small steps towards acknowledging the past, setting boundaries, and understanding each other better. It's competently written but doesn't soar.
I stuck with it and ended up getting drawn more deeply into the emotional content of the memoir. I didn't dislike the book in the end, but it's a fairly straightforward tale of a very troubled family who make some small steps towards acknowledging the past, setting boundaries, and understanding each other better. It's competently written but doesn't soar.
July 24, 2013
I enjoy memoirs in general, but more so when the main characters are likable, or at least sympathetic. I found "Mother," "Daughter," and "Me" in this book all to be people I wouldn't really want to know in real life, which is kind of sad. I know that the people in this memoir have all lived through very unpleasant circumstances, so I should cut them some slack. I recommend this book for people who like to read about terrible childhoods (e.g., The Glass Castle), but otherwise I would choose something else.
January 28, 2014
I always love an adult memoir starring an absent or otherwise abysmal mother--must be that I am desperately looking to pat myself on the back and say essentially, "see, this daughter of a fall-down-drunk mother managed to be a columnist for the NYT . . . my kids will be just fine." Great memoir weaving together the author's relationship w/her (alcoholic) mother growing up, her current relationship with her teenage daughter, and the ostensible focus of the book, which is the author's decision to have her aging mom move in with her and her daughter (and the foreseeable and unforeseeable challenges that decision brings with it).
April 3, 2014
I read this book in three days, which I think speaks to how compelling it was. It was a fascinating story and very well-written. I'd probably give it 4.5 stars if Goodreads did half stars; I just had some minor nitpicks (really wanting to know/hear more about her sister and not really liking some specific choices she made in her life which turned me off) but overall this was a really good book.
April 1, 2014
As a mother, daughter, an adult child of an alcoholic father, a San Franciscan, this resonated with me in so many ways. While Katie's childhood was challenging to say the least, she wrote a memoir that is funny, honest, and hopeful. I have friends that only read to be distracted, they want happiness in everything. I want the truth. Mother, Daughter, Me is true. Thank you for helping me understand my own dearly departed mother just a little better.
December 20, 2013
Such an intriguing story: three generations of women in one household. I looked forward to reading it and read it till the end, but I can't say I enjoyed it. What would have made a good long essay in the New Yorker was padded to the point of suffocation with excessive detail and cliched sentiment.
September 12, 2013
Loved this book!
April 17, 2021
The writing was good and engaging. It’s very difficult to critique a memoir because it’s someone’s life. I wanted to give the daughter a good throttle but we all make choices depending on life experiences. All in all I think the three women grew and learned and I was pleasantly surprised at the end.
May 16, 2022
This book was just so-so. Alcoholic mother; nothing really unusual there. I was hoping for more character depth and psychological background. The problems that resulted from it did not seem all that dramatic to me. I found it to be a disappointing read.
October 21, 2021
Good read
Interesting view on divorce, death, multi-generational living situations, and growing older and wiser through all that life throws anyone’s way through our lifetime.
Interesting view on divorce, death, multi-generational living situations, and growing older and wiser through all that life throws anyone’s way through our lifetime.
June 17, 2019
Very mixed feelings about this one. Complicated, sad story. But also, many missed opportunities, and an almost narcissistic lack of judgement.
May 27, 2013
I received an early copy of this book for review from Library Thing.
I would give this book 3.5 stars.
Katie Hafner grew up with an alcoholic mother. For a large portion of her childhood, she was removed from her mother's custody. Her memories of her mother are not pleasant. Yet, as an adult, she decides to invite her elderly mother to move into her home with Katie and her teenage daughter Zoe. The resulting "experiment" brings up issues and memories long buried in the past. Katie's story explores the complex relationships between mother's and daughters through multiple generations.
As a mother of two young daughters, I always find books about mothers and daughters to be interesting. Especially as I look to the future and wonder about my relationship will be like with my grown daughters. I enjoyed reading Katie's story about both her mother and her daughter and the relationship between the three of them. While not always pleasant, I felt like this book was a testimony to the enduring relationships between mothers and daughters, overcoming even the most difficult moments of the past.
While this was an enjoyable read, I felt like it was a little too long. There didn't quite seem to be enough content to necessitate the length of the book, and I was a little restless during the last half of the book, being eager to finish and move on to something else.
But I am glad I read this book. Katie's story is worth telling, and her writing is worth reading.
I would give this book 3.5 stars.
Katie Hafner grew up with an alcoholic mother. For a large portion of her childhood, she was removed from her mother's custody. Her memories of her mother are not pleasant. Yet, as an adult, she decides to invite her elderly mother to move into her home with Katie and her teenage daughter Zoe. The resulting "experiment" brings up issues and memories long buried in the past. Katie's story explores the complex relationships between mother's and daughters through multiple generations.
As a mother of two young daughters, I always find books about mothers and daughters to be interesting. Especially as I look to the future and wonder about my relationship will be like with my grown daughters. I enjoyed reading Katie's story about both her mother and her daughter and the relationship between the three of them. While not always pleasant, I felt like this book was a testimony to the enduring relationships between mothers and daughters, overcoming even the most difficult moments of the past.
While this was an enjoyable read, I felt like it was a little too long. There didn't quite seem to be enough content to necessitate the length of the book, and I was a little restless during the last half of the book, being eager to finish and move on to something else.
But I am glad I read this book. Katie's story is worth telling, and her writing is worth reading.
June 3, 2013
A must-read this summer is Katie Hafner's compelling memoir, "Mother Daughter Me" . The book chronicles the childhood of 2 little girls, Hafner and her sister, living in Florida with their young alcoholic mother and her revolving-door of boyfriends. When they are finally rescued from their mother's neglect they are sent up north to complete their childhood with their fairly absent father, cold step-mother and step-siblings.
Years later, at seventy-seven, the author's mother finds herself aging and alone. Some combination of optimism, moral commitment, kindness and decency inspire Hafner to set out to reinvent their relationship by helping her move to San Fransisco to live with Hafner and her teen daughter, Zoe. But as she describes it, "their year in Tuscany" did not turn out as she had fantasized, when childhood memories and resentments, that she thought were old history, quickly resurface with a vengeance.
I found the book hard to put down , mainly because Katie Hafner's writing style is so enjoyable to read . At times her story is tragic and heart-breaking, yet she manages to convey a great deal of humor and objectivity in her observations of herself, raising a teen, her relationships and her diligent pursuit to establish a maternal connection for her mother herself and Zoe. I sometimes found myself crying and laughing all within one chapter. Definitely include this book in your beach bag; it is truly moving and inspiring.
July 5, 2013
Katie Hafner tells about how she invited her mother Helen to move in with her and her teenage daughter, hoping to help her mother and to build a close relationship with her. Flashbacks from the past quickly make it clear that this is a lovely dream, but unlikely to happen. Their past, littered with fallout from Helen's alcoholism, is constantly complicating the present.
The writing is excellent; the narrative works well in fitting together past and present chunks of time; and I admire Ms. Hafner for her willingness to work at her relationship with her mother. I also admire her honesty about her own mistakes, including marital infidelity. Yet my respect took a huge blow when she told about divorcing her first husband in order to reconnect with her earlier first love. The magic of memoirs: in telling the parts seen as relevant, one can wave a magic wand and dispense with the other bits. For me, this cool bypass made the other relationships seem suspect: so is love something one can turn on and off at will?!
Even so, I suppose that makes the memoir even more meaningful, in her choice to reach out to her mother. This book made me grateful for my own childhood and family, free from such chaos and damage.
The writing is excellent; the narrative works well in fitting together past and present chunks of time; and I admire Ms. Hafner for her willingness to work at her relationship with her mother. I also admire her honesty about her own mistakes, including marital infidelity. Yet my respect took a huge blow when she told about divorcing her first husband in order to reconnect with her earlier first love. The magic of memoirs: in telling the parts seen as relevant, one can wave a magic wand and dispense with the other bits. For me, this cool bypass made the other relationships seem suspect: so is love something one can turn on and off at will?!
Even so, I suppose that makes the memoir even more meaningful, in her choice to reach out to her mother. This book made me grateful for my own childhood and family, free from such chaos and damage.
August 13, 2013
INTIMATE, MOVING PORTRAYAL OF FAMILY
MOTHER DAUGHTER ME
Hafner has experienced more than her fair share of life’s sorrows, and though at times I was moved to tears, she doesn’t dwell on misery. In this moving and honest account of her attempt to share a home with her troubled mother and teenage daughter, she goes beyond the present day story. Ever the journalist, Hafner delves into her family’s past for important context and insights. She’s painfully honest at times, and doesn’t flinch even when it comes to her own failings, but there’s a sympathetic wisdom here about dysfunctional families that makes her own so relatable. This book is about parents who -- for one reason or another -- cannot give their children what they need. And the children who continue to wish and hope for that elusive nurturing, even into adulthood. Hafner portrays her mother both truthfully and with compassion, as a woman out of her depth, who suffered as well as wounded. The memoir is a coming of age of sorts, of relinquishing the child’s view of a black and white world in favor of one that is nuanced and complex. Well worth the read.
MOTHER DAUGHTER ME
Hafner has experienced more than her fair share of life’s sorrows, and though at times I was moved to tears, she doesn’t dwell on misery. In this moving and honest account of her attempt to share a home with her troubled mother and teenage daughter, she goes beyond the present day story. Ever the journalist, Hafner delves into her family’s past for important context and insights. She’s painfully honest at times, and doesn’t flinch even when it comes to her own failings, but there’s a sympathetic wisdom here about dysfunctional families that makes her own so relatable. This book is about parents who -- for one reason or another -- cannot give their children what they need. And the children who continue to wish and hope for that elusive nurturing, even into adulthood. Hafner portrays her mother both truthfully and with compassion, as a woman out of her depth, who suffered as well as wounded. The memoir is a coming of age of sorts, of relinquishing the child’s view of a black and white world in favor of one that is nuanced and complex. Well worth the read.
May 19, 2013
*I received this ARC through a First Reads giveaway*
The author holds no punches in the telling of her bitter upbringing by her alcoholic mother. As her mother ages and is left alone in the world, the author seizes the moment to move her mother in with her and her teenage daughter in the hopes of mending their rocky relationship. Unresolved issues and feelings of abandonment make for a stressful living arrangement, and regular trips to family therapy don’t seem to help. A death in the family, along with the mother’s decision to move out, help to put things in perspective and the women slowly begin to take steps in the right direction. This is a story of heartbreak and how sometimes letting go of anger and hate can bring in understanding and welcome friendship and contentment.
Favorite quotes from this read:
“considering that, all hatred driven hence, the soul recovers radical innocence.” –William Butler Yeats, “A Prayer for My Daughter”
”I love you more than my arms could ever stretch.” - Author to her daughter (in the acknowledgements)
The author holds no punches in the telling of her bitter upbringing by her alcoholic mother. As her mother ages and is left alone in the world, the author seizes the moment to move her mother in with her and her teenage daughter in the hopes of mending their rocky relationship. Unresolved issues and feelings of abandonment make for a stressful living arrangement, and regular trips to family therapy don’t seem to help. A death in the family, along with the mother’s decision to move out, help to put things in perspective and the women slowly begin to take steps in the right direction. This is a story of heartbreak and how sometimes letting go of anger and hate can bring in understanding and welcome friendship and contentment.
Favorite quotes from this read:
“considering that, all hatred driven hence, the soul recovers radical innocence.” –William Butler Yeats, “A Prayer for My Daughter”
”I love you more than my arms could ever stretch.” - Author to her daughter (in the acknowledgements)
October 5, 2013
Here's the last paragraph of a longer review I wrote on Mother Daughter at my blog.
I recommend Mother Daughter Me to anyone who’s still trying to riddle out truths about their family; to anyone who’s ever argued with a sibling, child or parent; to anyone with an aging parent who ponders future options for them, from living with you to “aging in place,” a term you will encounter here. I will add that like a particular Vaughan Williams symphony that I love–I believe it’s his 6th–this book winds up with a beautifully orchestrated cascade of multiple endings that transit from tragic to reconciled to fulfilled. If you’re like me, your eyes will be very moist as you finish reading Mother Daughter Me. This is a great book.
If a Goodreads friend wants to read the whole piece, #FridayReads, Oct. 4–Katie Hafner’s Exquisite Memoir “Mother Daughter Me” it's at this link: http://bit.ly/19qSoaH
I recommend Mother Daughter Me to anyone who’s still trying to riddle out truths about their family; to anyone who’s ever argued with a sibling, child or parent; to anyone with an aging parent who ponders future options for them, from living with you to “aging in place,” a term you will encounter here. I will add that like a particular Vaughan Williams symphony that I love–I believe it’s his 6th–this book winds up with a beautifully orchestrated cascade of multiple endings that transit from tragic to reconciled to fulfilled. If you’re like me, your eyes will be very moist as you finish reading Mother Daughter Me. This is a great book.
If a Goodreads friend wants to read the whole piece, #FridayReads, Oct. 4–Katie Hafner’s Exquisite Memoir “Mother Daughter Me” it's at this link: http://bit.ly/19qSoaH
July 31, 2013
This book did a very nice job describing the complexities that can arise when you attempt to put three generations under the same roof. Katie Hafner a widow with a teenage daughter decides to invite her mother to come and live with them. It is her fantasy that the plan will work well and something akin to the Waltons will transpire with everyone ending up at the dinner table happily sharing stories about their day. Unfortunately, this fantasy is soon put to rest and the tension that ensued was almost as painful for me the reader as it clearly was for the author. I appreciated the author's honesty in telling the story. She presented a very balanced picture and avoid painting those involved as complete villains or heroes.
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