Minimalist Parenting

by Christine Koh, Asha Dornfest (Contributor)

We’re in the midst of a parenting climate that feeds on “more”: more expert advice, more gear, more fear about competition and safety, and more choices to make about education, nutrition, even entertainment. The result? Overwhelmed, confused parents and overscheduled, over-parented kids. In Minimalist Parenting, Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest offer a fresh approach to navigating all of this conflicting background “noise.” They show how to tune into your family’s unique values and priorities and confidently identify the activities, stuff, information, and people that truly merit space in your life. The book begins by showing the value of a minimalist approach, backed by the authors’ personal experience practicing it. It then leads parents through practical strategies for managing time, de-cluttering the home space, simplifying mealtimes, and streamlining recreation. Filled with parents’ personal stories, readers will come away with a unique plan for a simpler life!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Family, Adult, Childrens

272 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2013

About the author

Christine Koh is a music and brain scientist turned writer, editor, designer, and consultant. She lives in the Boston area with her husband and two daughters.

Reviews

[Ciara · Rating 2 out of 5]

probably more like 2.5 stars.

ironically, this book really stressed me out. there was so much, "okay, you are a parent & your life is just so hectic between laundry & work & getting your kids to soccer & helping with homework & making time to connect with your partner...". obviously some of these things are not relevant to me because my baby is just a baby & therefore not yet playing soccer or doing homework. but i was like, "whoa, is this what's on the horizon for me? i thought i was doing okay-ish with this mom thing, but maybe it just snowballs as the kid gets older & eventually i'll be totally overwhelmed!"

it's worth noting that this book is pretty irrelevant to people who only have babies. it's definitely for parents of older kids...elementary school age, as far as i can tell. which is fine. kids are in elementary school for a lot longer than they are babies, & in my experience, parenting a baby is really just a long process of attending to basic needs & there's not much to simplify/minimalize there.

this book was docked points for the incredibly played "put your oxygen mask on first" metaphor. people who write about parenting: STOP IT WITH THE OXYGEN MASK. they also use the phrase "inner bus driver" a lot, which grated on my nerves. i think i must have been spacing out when they explained what they even meant by that. obviously they mean "follow your instincts" or whatever, but it was such an incomprehensible turn of phrase given that a bus driver has a proscribed route to follow & doesn't get to follow his/her instincts even if there's a different route that s/he thinks might be faster/more scenic/whatever.

but probably my biggest complaint is that a lot of their tips for simplifying & minimalizing sound like they are a fuck of a lot of work. setting up apps (i still don't know how to use apps...i'm one thousand years old), spreadsheets, filing systems, color-coded folders or basket systems, etc etc etc...i was exhausted just reading these suggestions. maybe i'm an incompetent adult. it's kind of like this book was about how to be the best type A perfectionist at the game of being minimalist! i mean, obviously a person could just pick & choose the tips that are most relevant or resonant to them. there's no rule that you have to do everything the authors suggest. but it was still overwhelming.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I sat down to start reading this book I told my husband, "I'm not sure why I'm going to read this. I already do the bare minimum. Instead of making me feel good about being a slacker it'll make me feel like there's a bunch of stuff I have to do." (He agreed!) Thankfully I didn't end up feeling guilty and overwhelmed, but I didn't really gain anything from the "Minimalist Parenting philosophy" either.

I don't want to be rude, but this book really should be called No-brainer Parenting and Common Sense Life Management. I am by no means an expert on parenting (hello - that's why I read parenting books), and I'm sorry to say that 98% of the 'wisdom' shared by the authors was either something I already knew (by common sense or by virtue of being an adult) or had already read on a blog or magazine article.

I do agree that modern parenting is difficult and that it's easy to feel overwhelmed by expectations, internal and external. I agree with the minimalist approach to life and parenting, but this book missed the mark. I would recommend reading Bruce Feiler's Secrets of Happy Families instead.

[Asha Dornfest · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my book! Christine Koh and I are so proud of the work we've done, but more, we want Minimalist Parenting to be a source of comfort, confidence and inspiration for every parent who's feeling the overwhelming pull of "too much."

[Emi · Rating 1 out of 5]

The authors put a lot of time into this book and quote a lot of websites and blogs. I like the layout and the title. But it has nothing to do with minimalism. It's all about raising kids and time management. Minimalism is not all about time management. Glad this was a library book

[Chad · Rating 2 out of 5]

Somewhat common sense and focused in the overachieving parent body, I didn't feel like this offered a lot of insight beyond a basic "tips and tricks" level. What about the underlying cause of this type of parenting and where it leads kids? Why are we more inclined to be more efficient rather than taking a new path of less-is-more parenting? Troublesome.

[Mandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

** I do NOT recommend.**

The title is misleading. This book has nothing to do with a Minimalist lifestyle. Save your time, skip this one.

Disclaimer- I did not (could not!) read this crap. It sounds like a huge run on blog infused with a ton of "look at me, look at me." Not to mention, the topics covered are total no-brainers for any parent. I felt like the writers needed to publish a book and tried to capitalize on a lifestyle they know nothing about.

I read a couple chapters, skimmed the rest, and will be more than thrilled to return it to the library.

[Jaclyn Day · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m not going to say there wasn’t the occasional valuable tidbit in this book, but it’s basically a book-length #FIRSTWORLDPARENTINGPROBLEMS. The advice is trite (“take time for yourself” OKAY DUH YEP) and so privilege-y that I didn’t make it all the way through. Parenting books are mostly the worst, so I’ve been lucky to read a streak of really good ones up until now.

[Eva · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh, mostly stuff you would think of on your own, like "teach your kids skills so they can be more self-sufficient" or "your kids don't have to be signed up for a bajillion extracurriculars."

[Rebecca Debarros · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is good for expecting parents. It has a meaningful and helpful central message, but if you've already children and are practical, it's not worth your time.

[Haniva Zahra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saya tidak mengerti mengapa buku ini mendapat penilaian yang kurang memuaskan? Bagi saya sebaliknya! Saya sangat menyukai buku ini karena membuka mata bahwa pengasuhan juga bisa dilakukan secara sederhana. Kita tidak perlu mengikuti tren yang terus menerus berubah mengenai pengasuhan yang dianggap terbaik. Kita bisa merenungkan apa yang paling penting dalam hidup kita dan fokus pada hal tersebut. Hal tersebut membuat pengasuhan menjadi lebih "mudah" untuk dijalankan. Seringkali mengurangi membuat kita memiliki ruang untuk apa yang benar-benar penting. Tidak perlu ikut-ikutan, fokus pada apa yang sudah menjadi milik kita. Benar-benar mencerahkan! Saya kira ini buku yang wajib dibaca oleh siapapun yang ingin belajar menjadi orang tua yang sederhana, namun berusaha optimal menjalankan peran sebagai pengasuh..

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like most of the recommendations were either common sense or follow your instincts.

One part that particularly resonated was a solution to the "I might need it someday" mentality. The author's example was when she purged some baby items from her first child. She decided not to save the items for "one day when she might need them" so she could donate them to a parent / child who Needed them Now.

[Liss Carmody · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. I don't know why I read books like this. I guess I pick them up hoping I'll glean insight or hacks or tips that I hadn't thought of, or philosophical justification for things I already believe. This is, of course, a losing battle. Like most self-help books, I come away from this feeling like either the book was too basic or nonspecific to be able to offer any real guidance, or I'm already some kind of guru of minimalism (which is unlikely!). But having authors suggest organizational systems I already basically use OR that are overcomplicated and obviously not for me both seem like kind of a waste of my time. I wanted to like it. It's not like I inherently disagreed with it. And it's probably true that any book that dug deep into the specifics of my personal life's choices (the ones that I actually struggle with) would end up being inappropriate for most of the other people who would read this book.

I think, in the end, achieving a balanced, organized, functional, fulfilling life is a process where maybe the first 25-50% are tips and tricks and suggestions and guidance that can be communicated through web groups or books or magazine articles, and the remaining part you have to work out for yourself, even though that's messier and time-consuming and maybe not what we want to be doing now. I've already done enough research to get me 50% of the way there, and now I need to commit to doing my own 50% of the work, probably. Fair enough.

[Lavinia · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK, so this is the first parenting book I've read so far. And it's no surprise, knowing myself, that I chose one that gives tips on doing less in order to enjoy life more.

I am told already I have a laid-back parenting style (I, for once, don't believe I have a style when my baby's only 4 months old!) but these people didn't see me freaking out over my baby's unstoppable crying when she had colics or had a rash of some sort. The privilege is reserved to my husband. So, do I need to relax myself? I surely do.

It's not like the authors have discovered the Zen art of parenting, but there is sensible advice (and lots of examples from the authors' own experience), like making to-do lists and share a smart phone calendar with your spouse, share responsibilities, unclutter, involve kids, plan ahead, simplify, simplify, simplify and say NO to things you're not exactly keen on.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent book. Not mind-blowing, but not a waste of time. There were lots of good ideas for simplyfying parenting - app recommendations were particularly helpful - but I found this book less applicable than most. I live in Denmark, where the tendency to overschedule young 'uns isn't nearly as pronounced as it is in the US. The same goes for the high stakes "OMG my child must be valedictorian/captain of a sports team/volunteer abroad/etc, or they'll never get into an Ivy League" culture. In addition, my daughter is 8 months old. I'll certainly revisit this as she ages, but it wasn't revelatory. I also found the use of the "inner bus driver" phrase to be a bit precious. Seriously? Couldn't the authors have just called it "your instincts"?

[Tamlynem · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part of me is like what qualifies these people to write this? But I guess there's some value in aggregating what seems like good comments from your blog and adding them as anecdotes to your book. A lot of this stuff is common sense or something you would read in a Good Housekeeping article (is that magazine still around?), but hey, sometimes you might need a reminder of those things. It's worth a flip through, even if you already know you're supposed to make lists and not buy stuff you don't need. (I checked it out from the library.)
Also when their kids grow up and read about some of the things that was written about them I think they may be a little mortified.

[Amygk · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't do it for me. Maybe if I didn't already have boundaries I could learn from it? Maybe if my kids were older and involved in more activities I could relate more? Either way the book is a good message - do less and enjoy it more!, but the writing just didn't click for me. The book seemed a longer form of numerous magazine or blog articles I have read and it didn't resonate with me.

[Adysnewbox · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can't properly comment on this book, as I didn't finish it. It didn't take me long to realize this was not a book for me; my style of parenting is already somewhat similar to the style the authors are trying to encourage. I suspect this book is written more for working/professional moms, or the Type A Moms that keep their kid involved in 5+ different extracurricular activities. Hopefully this book will work better for them than it did for me.

[Kimberlee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love the idea of minimalist parenting and try to practice it in my life. I feel like I didn't take away much from this book however, it lacked substance and felt like a lot of fluff.

[Wanderbook · Rating 3 out of 5]

✨ Kunci dari minimalist parenting adalah pengeditan. Waktu dan perhatian Anda terlalu berharga sehingga sayang kalau digerogoti oleh yang kecil-kecil - hal 3

✨ Buku ini ditulis oleh dua pengelola blog minimalistparenting.com, Christine Koh & Asha Dornfest. Menarik karena keduanya punya preferensi kebiasaan yang berbeda jadi di sepanjang buku kita bisa lihat mana yg lebih relate sama kita.

✨ Berisi 14 Bab, total 346 hal. Jujur ada beberapa point yang saya skip terlebih dahulu karena belum relevan buat saya. Misal ttg pemilihan sekolah, saya hanya baca sekilas dan lanjut ke hal lain yang lebih relevan.

✨ Buku ini memberikan banyak worksheet/key question untuk kita jawab sepanjang membaca, itu membantu kita mengenali diri kita sendiri dalam memilih "gaya" parenting yg sesuai. Saya banyak menjawab pakai sticky notes dan setelah selesai baca, seru juga membaca ulang jawaban-jawaban saya. Mengingat saya baca buku ini hampir 2 bulan.

✨ Salah satu hal yg aku suka adalah komentar 2 dr orang tua lainnya ketika ada satu pembahasan, biasanya ini komentar dari blog mereka. Nah ini asyik bgt buat dpt referensi lebih luas terkait suatu isu.

✨ Apa yg ada di buku ini menurutku mirip dg apa yg ada di buku parenting lain atau produktivitas untuk ibu. Misal buku The Joy of Missing Out atau buku Make Time (yg bukan buku parenting). Kuncinya: tentukan prioritas, baik pada pemilihan sekolah, makan siang anak, sampai pembelian barang-barang.

✨ Hal lain yang kusuka dari buku ini adalah penekanan kalau intuisi ibu pada byk kesempatan amat penting dalam mengambil keputusan. And I couldn't agree more.

✨ Buku ini menyenangkan untuk dibaca pelan-pelan. Tapi mungkin akan lebih berkesan ketika membaca lagi nanti ketika Rana sudah mulai sekolah :')

Rating: 3/5

[Arti Gupta · Rating 2 out of 5]

I dont think I am the right audience for this book. Some of it was common sense and I am not the stress out about daily laundry type!

[Faith Patterson · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF—so boring😅

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure why this book received so many hard knocks. If you can power through the introduction of how over-accomplished these moms are, and use that as inspiration instead of intimidation, there are a lot of gems and resources in here. I absolutely appreciate the perspective that everyone can handle a different amount and the key is to figure out what's important enough to prioritize and let the rest GO. I have five kids and my oldest is thirteen, so I've figured out a lot of this stuff on my own along the way, but I would have LOVED to have this book when I was at the beginning of the parenting journey, so I could have mastered the skills before I even really needed them. If you are a parent to a baby, skip the irrelevant chapters (for now) and focus on things like holidays and meal planning. Skim the rest and keep it in your back pocket for later.

[Tricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Part 1 of this two part series, I painted a picture of the pressures put on both moms and dads. I’ve felt it myself in varying degrees throughout the thirteen years I’ve been a mom.

Often there’s the nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough, or maybe I’m just not doing “the right” things, whatever the experts or well meaning friends may think is right at the time.

"Minimalist parenting operates on the knowledge that right now, you have everything you need to live the family life you want. You have enough time to fully engage in parenting while still caring for yourself, your work, and your relationships. You have enough expertise, enough love, enough stuff, and enough confidence to give your kids a remarkable childhood and a running start on a happy adulthood." (p. xiii)

Those are encouraging words for tired moms and dads.

The authors go on to talk about how we have so many choices in parenting today. I’ve recently been thinking about that and how different things were a hundred years ago.

Why was life simpler?

Maybe it has a lot to do with all of our choices?

I’m sure it’s more complex than that, but I think choices play a huge role in overwhelming us.

"Choice is good, but the sheer magnitude of choice we face today is overwhelming, even paralyzing. Minimalist Parenting is our prescription for how to handle too much of a good thing." (p. xiv)

Minimalist Parenting is an extraordinarily practical book. It’s like having a mother or a good friend come alongside you and guide you through this journey of having children and raising them up into adulthood.

The voice of these writers is not pushy. They realize that every family has a unique dynamic. It’s not so much about following a long list of parenting do’s and dont’s; it’s more about simplifying and not being afraid to buck the expert’s advice and do what works for your family.
Read full review here...http://thedomesticfringe.com/book-rev...

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of the core messages of this book resonate with me, but only a few tips and tricks that felt new or surprising. I listened to it as an audio book which was fair.

[Borum · Rating 3 out of 5]

실은 육아책을 읽는 건 많고

공감 가는 부분도 많은데

항상 공감에서 그칠 뿐

실천으로 옮기는 경우는 적었다.



그 중 특히 개인적으로 가장 맘에 들었던 육아책을 꼽자면

두 책 Simplicity Parenting과 Minimalist Parenting이 가장 육아 뿐 아니라 전체적 라이프스타일과 철학이 나랑 가장 잘 맞았다.



이 두 권 다 너무 맘에 들어서 개인적으로 주변 지인들에게 너무 권하고 싶었는데

읽을 당시에는 아직 한글로 번역이 안되어서 쉽게 추천하지 못했다.



그런데 최근에 ADHD로 진단받은 아들을 위해 집안과 하루 스케쥴을 정리하고 단순화하기 위해 이 책을 다시 보다가

한국어로도 번역된 것을 알게 되었다.

'내 아이를 망치는 과잉육아'와 '미니멀 육아의 행복'

첫번째는 약간 발도르프 교육과도 밀접하고 좀더 인생철학을 새로 바라보게 해준다.

두번째는 작가 중 한 명이 한국교포2세이고 블로그에서부터 출발한 것이어서 좀더 친밀하고 자세한 장점이 있다.



어쨌든 둘 다 육아에 있어서

너무 많은 책, 장난감, 옷 등 물질적인 것의 과잉

그리고 학원, 체험, 레슨 등 지나친 스케줄의 과잉에서도 벗어나

전체적으로 단순하고 여유 있는 육아와 삶을 누리자는 데 의의를 갖는다.



다른 집안에 비해선 책도 장난감도 옷도 적은 편이지만

생각해보면 안 놀고 안 입고 안 읽고 공간만 차지하는 아이 물품들도 너무 많고

내 물건들도 마찬가지다.

그리고 아이가 초등학교에 들어갔다는 데 식겁하고

주변 아이들 페이스, 주변 사람들 안목에만 신경쓰고 정작 내 아이의 페이스, 내 아이의 관심사와 적성을 무시하고

keep up with the Joneses (우리나라버젼은 옆집/강남엄마 따라하기라고 할까나?)식으로

조바심에 의해 방과후를 짜지 않았나 반성해본다.



ADHD가 최근에 생물학적 신경학적 기전이 밝혀진 것도 이유지만

갈수록 복잡해지고 조기교육을 강조하는 fast forward 시대의 사회에서

더 ADHD 진단율도 높아지는 것 같다.

그 뿐 아니라 매번 신상품과 새로운 소비를 자극시키는 사회에서

늘어나는 것은 쓰레기와 공해

그에 반해 풍요로운 물질에 비해 줄어드는 대화와 소통



ADHD 진단받고 나서야 실제로 실천에 옮기기로 작정하였지만

지금이라도 늦지 않았다고 믿고 싶다.

그리고 좀더 simple하고 minimal한 삶으로 아이 뿐만 아니라 나 자신도 여유를 되찾고 치유될 것 같은 느낌이 든다.

[Melissa Massello · Rating 5 out of 5]

From Required Reading: Self-Reliance, Sewing, Sharing & Swapping on ShoestringMag.com :

I'm beyond proud of our own Minimalist Mama Christine Koh and her fabulous collaborator, Asha Dornfest of ParentHacks.com — one of my absolute favorite parenting blogs — for their upcoming tome, which is sure to be a best-seller and game-changer in the way parents parent. We were honored to contribute to the book, and are chomping at the bit for it to come out in March.

From Minimalist Parenting Book Launch Party & Fundraiser on ShoestringMag.com :

I'm so honored these freakishly talented ladies also gave me the opportunity to contribute a few pages on budget living to the book! Asha and Christine inspire me constantly and give me courage that one day I, too, can maybe tackle the parenting challenge with poise and a sense of humor, and hope that you'll pick up a copy of their fabulous book on Amazon or at the party tonight so you can say the same, too — whether you already have kids, have one in the oven, know someone who is, or are thinking of becoming a parent in the future.

[Lisa Schmeiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Type A parents of the world, rejoice! You've got a manual that gives you permission to stop cramming your calendar and to-do list full of things that keep the "Oh God, I'm a wire monkey mother!" demons at bay.

This book is a breezy, helpful manual on setting your personal priorities in the framework of parenting, excavating and extinguishing the bugbears that lead us to do dumb things, parenting edition, then walking the walk of minimalist parenting.

I personally found the organizational tips to be a tad self-evident -- prep food and cook ahead! Pack lunches the night before! Make a to-do list! -- but they do provide helpful action items to people who genuinely do need to tackle their cluttered houses, their chaotic calendar or their empty fridge.

Give this book to people at their baby showers. They'll thank you.

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know, maybe 3.5 stars towards the end.

I don't like when titles mislead me. I feel like it's false advertising. Instead, I've thought of a number of more descriptive titles for this book:
Effective Adulting With Kids
Parenting as an Adult, Adulting as a Parent
Adulting Hacks for the Little Person Caregiver

There wasn't really any PARENTING advice is this book. It was all more how to effectively run a family when everyone has lots of things to do. It wasn't until the end that I thought the authors even brought in the only real issue of effective parenting, namely emotions and love. So all in all it was kinda boring to read because they just went from subject to subject and shared tips or suggestions on how to do that area more effectively without stressing yourself out too much. Meh.

[Emilia P · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mmmm yeah. I'm not sure I felt like I knew all the stuff in this book already because I have been working on putting it into practice and learning it gradually as my kids grow (this is like a huge plus of having 2 kids and having them get older and doing the same stuff over and over everyday...I actually have something approaching a routine down and it is ...nice!) or because it was just already obvious but...yeah... also, as others have said, I didn't really feel like this approached minimalism as a philosophy with any great accuracy. I've only read a very small handful of parenting books but I think some combo of free-range and love and logic is where I stand. Also known as chill out but don't let kids push you around parenting. And keep the toy volume in line. There's my parenting style.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came at the perfect time for me. Chris & I had already started talking about (and even acting on) some of the ideas in this book but it felt really good to read that Minimalist Parenting is something that works in real life for the long run. I also really like receiving the daily emails that are offered on the Minimalist Parenting website...small doses of good advice and tips/tricks to less stuff, stress, etc.

Highly recommend for anyone who is tired of the rat race and/or is trying to figure out the best environment for YOUR family. They are not judgmental and never say "you must..." anything (well, maybe once). It is a flexible approach to finding peace and harmony in your life.