Modern Dating: A Field Guide

by Chiara Atik

From the creators of the popular online dating site HowAboutWe.com comes the definitive guide for navigating the modern dating world.

The single woman is having a moment. In the worlds of work, personal finances, and education, women are more successful today than ever before. When it comes to dating, they're happy to take their time exploring lots of different relationships before deciding if they want to settle down. Women today, like the generations of women before them, want to fall in love. But they want it to happen organically, at its own pace, and with the right person.

It's 2012, and the dating "rules" are nonexistent now. Modern Dating will never tell you How to Win a Husband in Just 3 Easy Steps! But it will offer advice on how to send a relatively unembarrassing sext, how to create a failproof first date idea, and how to make sure you're getting into a relationship for the right reasons. It will gently guide you through all the triumphs and pitfalls of what dating is actually like, from pre-date Googling, to one-night stands, to confusing texts and e-mails, to your first online date.

Frank, funny, and totally relatable, this is a book that really gets at how women are dating today-the ideal travel companion for your dating life. The only rule is that there are no rules, but this book will be there for guidance, or just for laughs, every step of the way.



Chiara Atik is a writer and blogger, recently described by Gawker as "The Girl You Wish You Knew When You Moved to New York." Her writing has been featured on Elle.com, Glamour.com, The Hairpin, Today.com (the Today show), and Yahoo Shine. She was New York editor of GuestofaGuest.com and has been writing about dating for HowAboutWe since 2010.

Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout are the pioneers of the offline dating movement. Best friends since childhood, they launched HowAboutWe.com

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Reference, Psychology, Love

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[Sarah Freymiller · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. This provided the entertainment equivalent of reading 215 pages of Cosmo's dating columns. The cover was soft, though.

[Joy Engel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Really witty way to approach the (sometimes terrifying!) world of dating. A must-read for everyone- not just the daters!

[Joni · Rating 1 out of 5]

It had some interesting/fun points, but seemed to focus a lot on how decide if you want to have sex after the first date. I feel pretty sure I'm okay there.

[Lauren Flores · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read more like a conglomeration of news paper articles/online articles about dating than a book. Really obviously came off as propaganda for the website the author works for. Didn’t learn anything new, didn’t feel engaged in the subject, didn’t even laugh or say “relatable.”

For those who enjoy reading relationship-related material. I read this one so you don’t have to, skip it!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t get a ton from this book, I think partially because today, ten years from its publication date, this book has become pretty dated. Lines like “don’t stalk someone’s Facebook on a touch-screen phone, it’s way too easy to accidentally like something” were really funny to read. Some fun date ideas in here though

[Tiffany · Rating 2 out of 5]

Felt more like a series of blog posts. A lot of it is pretty basic information. If you're an absolute beginner and completely new to dating maybe this is for you. For the most part I found it to be common knowledge with a few good points scattered throughout.

[Ali C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had low expectations going in but it was interesting/funny by way of personally being an anthropological/detached type of read.

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was very underwhelmed by this book. I feel like you could get the same quality advice from reading Cosmo- that may or may not be a bad thing for you, but it wasn't a good thing for me. I am a hetero woman, and this book is geared towards hetero women. It seemed like occasionally it would dawn on the author that they may have some non-hetero readers, and they would throw in a tip or two. There is a section on "How to identify if a chick is into women", but it is full of the same old tired stereotypes. I showed this section to a lesbian friend and she rolled her eyes. I feel like there probably are better books out there for non-hetero readers. This book was just full of ridiculous advice- like how long to wait before answering a message. It's 2015 and we are still talking about that? Good lord... One part of the book seriously offended me though. The author states that men do not like funny women. They apparently appreciate having funny female friends, but they don't want to sleep with funny women. She advises saving your sense of humor until you have already secured a few dates with a man. That is absolutely ridiculous! Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate the real you? I have a good sense of humor and my previous boyfriends have said that it was one of their favorite things about me. I don't recommend this book. There is definitely better dating advice out there!

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a free copy of this book as part of Goodread's First Reads program.

Although I'm not currently single, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is chock full of dating tips, stories, quotes, and how-to's. But one thing it is not (and this is a good thing) is The Rules. This Modern Dating Field Guide is just that - a modern guide about dating. You won't find any rules about mandatory three-day waiting periods before calling a date, or a set number of dates required before you have sex. The underlying theme throughout the book is that dating should be fun, and as long as you are being safe, make it so.

I liked the format of this "Guide" - it almost reads like a magazine with its images, graphs, charts, top 10-type lists and multiple text boxes on each page. It is an easy and quick read - you can easily finish it in a weekend or less.

Some of the information in the book was somewhat obvious, but it also contained some helpful tips and suggestions. This book reminds us how fun dating can be, and in all honestly, it made me a little reminiscent. If I were single, I would be holding on to this book and leafing through it from time to time. Alas, I am not, so it will be passed along to my single friends who will, no doubt, find it helpful and psych them up about getting back out in the dating world.

[Josh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so very fucked.

As we all know, dating isn't something I'm very experienced with. So, I decided to pick up this book (written as a field guide for women) so that I can see what advice is being given to the other side & try to adapt my strategies PRN.

Okay... A lot of the advice seems very solid and I really enjoyed the field guide / list-style articles style of writing. Some things seemed to go against everything I do - use short messages only online, brief profiles, casually date a lot of people, at least one date with someone new every 10-14 days, flirting as an ego booster (even in a few spots it indicates that you should do it while in a relationship - which is bullshit because you're wasting the time of the other person & there's indicators of "a benefit of it is free drinks").

I'm a huge fan of Atik's efforts to empower women to be more vocal about their wants / needs, initiating contact / asking for a date / making the move for a first kiss / inviting someone home, taking a more active role in their own sexual pleasure & health (and come on - how can you enjoy yourself if you're worried about the gonnaherpasyphallies).

In all, it was a quick read with a nice, crisp humorous prose & a lot of tips / tactics for getting out there, meeting people & trying to get a date / what to do after that 1st date.

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a thoroughly enjoyable book that explores the dating dilemmas of the modern age and offers practical advice, packaged with humor and panache. It's well-designed and fun to skim, but when read cover-to-cover provides a fairly comprehensive set of guidelines.

Once you get over the fact that the book is targeted toward heterosexual, monogamous women, you'll find that most of the advice is useful for everyone. There are seven chapters, plus two "special sections." Everything from enjoying singlehood to settling into a serious relationship is covered: sex, date ideas, setting up an online dating profile, communicating via text and online media, maintaining friendships and independence, and a boatload of fun graphics and lists that will keep you entertained. The book breaks out of the box in some ways; every "rule" that's presented comes with the reminder that there's no "right" way to do things and you ought to find your own path.

This is the dating book that I'll recommend to all my female friends. Whether you're serious about finding a relationship or just want a few tips, it's a fun guidebook for the journey - especially if you're intimidated by online dating or have trouble getting from Date 1 to Date 3.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book as part of a Goodreads giveaway.

Modern Dating: A Field Guide was a book that I had some pretty negative thoughts towards initially. As a perma-single nearly 30 year old woman, even mentioning the word 'dating' makes me feel inadequate and defensive! This book however, was refreshing.

There are many aspects of this book that I enjoyed, and the asthetics of it are what first drew me in. The book uses color, charts, graphs, lists and different fonts, paired with different sections that are clearly laid out. This book was very organized and easy to follow, which I really liked.

As this book was created by founders of a dating site, HowAboutWe, a lot of the book focused on online dating, and although there were some interesting (read: funny/embarrassing) thoughts and situations mentioned, overall there was nothing groundbreakingly new brought up. I did enjoy how the book was written to women, but at the same time, found that incredibly cliché at the same time.

All in all, a good read for entertainment purposes, but not much to offer in terms of new information, tips of ideas.

[Margaux · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a cute, cheeky book. I was surprised initially because it was completely, 100% geared towards women. Apparently we need more love advice than men? Literally geared towards straight and lesbian women. It doesn't say anything about that on the cover.

It's broken up into chapters (sex, the first 6 months, how to flirt etc...) and in each chapter are infographics (of which I am a fan in general) and polls taken on Howaboutwe.com. It had some interesting points, along with advice on what to do/not to do when you meet his or her parents (wait for him to initiate affection), siblings (get them to like you) etc... and what to leave at your partner's house (in this case: Jeans, conditioner, toothbrush and something else I can't remember at the moment).

It's worth checkin out at the library.

[Anne Daum · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really fun read. And true to it's name very modern. :-) The author covers all the bases; from one night stands, first dates and online profiles. It was obviously geared toward female viewership and I adored the limited, but inclusive lesbian reader as well. At times almost graphic novelesque - which I enjoy. The illustrations were great and the advice really practical. With the gobs of dating advice book, this was fun and empowering. At times it sounded just like a great girlfriend helping to steer you through the many perils of dating. Highly recommend for those who have suffered through 'rules' and all the other wretched books that claim help but only undermine our self-worth and feed into the notion that we, as females, can only strive for one ideal in finding a SO.

[Belinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

My complementary copy arrived in the mail a few days ago (thanks Goodreads for the awesome free copy), and I had planned on finishing the novel I was currently reading before getting started. However, as I flipped through a few pages as I opened the package I was so intrigued I dove right in. I was excited. And nervous. Being single for some time now, I couldn't wait to get started and this thorough text didn't disappoint. Full of straight forward advice and humorous little notes it kept me interested from cover to cover. I'll recommend this book to any of my single friends...and if I don't get too fearful, hopefully I'll put some of this information to good use too ;)

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Packed with tips, how-tos, date ideas, infographics, and insights from industry experts, the book is written for today's single woman. Each chapter is broken down into sections, such as "How to Avoid the Friendzone," "The One-Date Rule, " and "The Worst Six Words to Say on a Date."

It's similar to reading a magazine. Short, sweet (or sassy), and to the point.

This is really a book about dating, not a formula on how to get married. Modern Dating puts the focus where it should be: having fun and figuring out what we want from a relationship.

(I was provided a complimentary copy of this book but the opinion and thoughts are my own.)

[Tamika Palmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is specifically created to promote the website howaboutwe. The authors guide you step by step towards creating a profile and getting everything set up so that you get out there and date. Though I was disappointed that this was not a general dating guidebook, it was nonetheless really helpful. Additionally, I have actually enjoyed the website and the free promo code that was included in the back of the book. There are definitely some good tips that could be used and applied to dating in general and setting up an online profile.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as part of Goodreads First Reads.

Very cute book with lots of humour and some advice I might actually use. Like other reviewers, I was a little surprised at the "geared to female" aspect, given that I didn't read the dedication until I registered my surprise. It makes sense though, since I know guys are more willing to jump onto dating sites and don't overthink things as much as we do, especially on social media appropriateness.

And like the title says, it's just a guide, helping you figure out what works for you.

[Viv · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as the result of a GoodReads contest.

What a great book! The book is pleasing to look at, easy to find sections of interest and full of useful information! This book is a valuable resource for everyone who is single or dating, for anyone thinking of co-habitation or wanting to help a single friend.

The book was so full of good info I decided I could loan it to friends, but needed to keep it as a reference book in my collection.

Great book!

Giving this book a 5 out of 5.

[Cate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy read. It's the first book I've seen written by someone in their 20s with experience, but also has some data from a dating site to back up what she discusses. She doesn't really give advice, nor does she have some moral tone. Atik just discusses the elements of dating for millennials. I can't say I learned anything new, but she does a great job articulating the dating scene.

Sometimes felt like it was written for really young people who have never dated, but I think she's just trying to explain with the assumption that her audience doesn't know anything about dating.

[Katie Heaney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chiara's book is smart, funny, engaging, and thoughtful. I'm someone who often takes a more pessimistic/cynical approach to dating, and still I found myself kind of swooning over the way she makes it sound (and the way it can be!) in this book. There is something new and insightful in here for everyone, regardless of your level of dating (in)experience. Her voice is cheerful and relatable, and reading it feels just like talking about a crush to a close friend. A pure pleasure to read!

[Nathalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the title states, this book offers modern advice for real people. People who are trying to navigate the dynamic etiquette of dating while balancing work and friends (and social media), and hopefully avoiding the sort of awkward situations that come up when romantic feelings are involved. It's completely relatable and you'll feel as if your best friend is offering her best pearls of wisdom. It's witty and humorous and really, just a great read, whether you're single or happily coupled up.

[Maya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have bought a lot of dating books recently, this has been the most illuminating as well as entertaining. I mean seriously it has a section on how to chill the F&%*k out about dating which I think should be part of every dating advice book. The only failing I would say that it has is that it is really skewed towards cisgendered women, under the age of 50, but as I am one I think of it as The Best Dating Book Ever!

[Elise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recieved this book through the Goodreads' First Read Program.

What I liked best about this book was the amazing use of graphics. The book was full of useful and interesting infographics. They made the book.

The writing was kind of superfluous in some parts. It felt like not all of it was necessary. None of it was bad, just kind of extra. That was the only real bad part about the book.

Overall It was a nice read. If the dating tips actually work, we'll see.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Th information in the guide is, pun intended, pretty dated, as technology has zoomed along, however, the advice regarding g manners and how to read the body language / signals of others is on point. I liked the margin notes and cartoons. The book comes with a 3 month subscription to HowAboutWe which is pretty neat. this book is best for people 're-entering the dating scene after a while and who haven't ever done online dating.

[AnnaRose · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was nearly impossible to finish. Although clever and well written, the content mocked any sort of dating besides what the author thought of as "modern." Reading it made me feel worthless for never having been in a relationship or hooking up. What I had hoped would give some guidelines or ideas instead turned out to be ways to have many fun but rather shallow relationships. Perhaps I am alone, but that is not what I was looking for in life or in this book.

[Meredith Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok i get it... You feel like you are reading a HUGE Cosmo magazine but I was thoroughly entertained! I would recomend to my single lady friends! Very clever, funny. It was also functional and straightforward. Found myself laughing at the advice and some of the stories. Not for everyone, easy to read and you don't have to go on order, which is nice to skip something if you want and not get lost.. Which I did so I guess I didn't read IT ALL!

[Lauren Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I would have had this book when I was trying the whole online dating thing. It has some really good tips on what you should and shouldn't do to get noticed and by the right type of guy for you, but I must say, even though this book didn't apply to me, and I'm glad I didn't find someone online or I wouldn't have met the love of my life, but if you want to try online dating and just general dating, this book has good advice,

[Kennie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was the longest Cosmo magazine article I've ever read. Also the worst. I saw this book on the shelf at the library and picked it up, thinking it would be a lighthearted, perhaps even farcical story this lady would share with me. Instead I read "dating is hard, just have casual sex and hope for the best" :/

Even after skipping around A LOT, I still wasn't interested enough to finish this book. Bye.

[Cassandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm ALL ABOUT this book. Very functional, straightforward information organized in an entertaining way. It's useful to read solo, or fun to laugh over with friends.

I would recommend it to any single friend for the optimistic, lighthearted, approach (it isn't an 'I'M GONNA FIND A MAN' book, it's a 'here's how to have fun and revel in your single/dating life' book).