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Tales from Schwartzgarten #1
Osbert the Avenger
The first book in the gruesomely funny Tales from Schwartzgarten series. Meet Osbert Brinkhoff, the unlikeliest of avengers. His is a tale of dark delights and ghastly goings-on, of injustice and revenge. The villains are vicious. The settings are sinister. And good does NOT always prevail...If you prefer cleavers to kittens and fiends to fairies...then welcome to the GRUESOMELY FUNNY Tales from Schwartzgarten.
356 pages, Paperback
First published October 4, 2012
7 people are currently reading
171 people want to read
About the author
Christopher William Hill
25 books9 followersChristopher is an extremely well-renowned writer, recipient of the Peter Tinniswood Award and a BBC Radio & Music Award. He also adapted John Masefield’s classic THE MIDNIGHT FOLK for radio. His experience in writing for children includes having twice written for the National Theatre’s prestigious Connections project. His first play, MULTIPLEX (2003) was performed on the Olivier stage, and has received over forty productions by teenage casts in the UK and internationally. HEARTBREAK BEAUTIFUL (2009) was performed at the National Theatre, and has already had sixteen productions in the UK and was performed in Sao Paulo, Brazil last Autumn. He wrote ITTULLKYLLYOOIFFYOODOO, a play for primary school children, which has been performed at Polka Theatre, Plymouth Theatre Royal, Dundee Rep and York Theatre Royal. He lectures annually at the Arvon Foundation. His plays for BBC Radio 4 include KILLING MAESTROS (Tinniswood Award), ACCOLADES, PUNDITS, and LOVE ME, LIBERACE.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
May 3, 2014
I think this book is mistakenly marketed as 'Dahl-esque', 'for fans of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket'. It's much closer to Mervyn Peake; much darker, more grotesque, for slightly older audiences.
This makes it a little perplexing to read at first, because the cover – a classic bright red, quirky Chris Riddell – also suggests a younger audience, one with a love of gruesome fun, but nevertheless innocent like the characters from Snicket's 'Series of Unfortunate Events', or Dahl's 'Matilda' tormented by villains...
The villains are there alright, but the progressive transformation of the protagonist child into a serial killer is too convincingly written to evoke the playfulness of either Dahl or Snicket. The deaths of the villains have a different 'flavour'. Where Dahl would have somebody shrink to microscopic size or blow up in a puff of purple smoke, here the deaths are more tangible and far less humorous.
I enjoyed it. I'm a huge Mervyn Peake fan. I'm weirdly impatient to get my hands on the next book. But don't be surprised if your typical 8 year old child doesn't giggle his or her way through this one. You may not spend a happy hour chuckling on the couch reading it out loud to your 7 year old... well... maybe. I guess everyone's 7 year olds are different :-)
It's good but it's black.
This makes it a little perplexing to read at first, because the cover – a classic bright red, quirky Chris Riddell – also suggests a younger audience, one with a love of gruesome fun, but nevertheless innocent like the characters from Snicket's 'Series of Unfortunate Events', or Dahl's 'Matilda' tormented by villains...
The villains are there alright, but the progressive transformation of the protagonist child into a serial killer is too convincingly written to evoke the playfulness of either Dahl or Snicket. The deaths of the villains have a different 'flavour'. Where Dahl would have somebody shrink to microscopic size or blow up in a puff of purple smoke, here the deaths are more tangible and far less humorous.
I enjoyed it. I'm a huge Mervyn Peake fan. I'm weirdly impatient to get my hands on the next book. But don't be surprised if your typical 8 year old child doesn't giggle his or her way through this one. You may not spend a happy hour chuckling on the couch reading it out loud to your 7 year old... well... maybe. I guess everyone's 7 year olds are different :-)
It's good but it's black.
Read
November 3, 2016It is the greatest book ever.
June 22, 2017
Osbert Brinkhoff, a very bright boy, lives in a creepy little town filled with creepy sad people. This town has a dark bloody history and is ruled by the cruel headmaster of the Institute. When thanks to the vicious villains, Osbert's life takes a turn for the worse, he becomes an unlikely avenger.
This is a dark little tale, I don't agree with it being marketed as resembling Roald Dahl's style.
I didn't like the fact that if a character was good, they gave lots of sweets to the kids, as well as all the circumstances in which sweets were given out with total liberty. I'd be sick if I ate that much crap, and I don't even want to think about the cavities.
In a city in which creepy rituals are perpetuated as celebrations, the people are sinister and speak of death like we speak of the weather, everything is dirty, old, with rats and cockroaches, the children are mistreated by their teachers and the headmaster rules like a dictator, one can't really be surprised the children turn murderous.
This is a dark little tale, I don't agree with it being marketed as resembling Roald Dahl's style.
I didn't like the fact that if a character was good, they gave lots of sweets to the kids, as well as all the circumstances in which sweets were given out with total liberty. I'd be sick if I ate that much crap, and I don't even want to think about the cavities.
In a city in which creepy rituals are perpetuated as celebrations, the people are sinister and speak of death like we speak of the weather, everything is dirty, old, with rats and cockroaches, the children are mistreated by their teachers and the headmaster rules like a dictator, one can't really be surprised the children turn murderous.
Read
July 15, 2022Dieses Buch war das wohl seltsamste das ich jemals gelesen habe. Die Entscheidung, wie viele Sterne ich ihm geben würde, ist mir noch nie so schwer gefallen, dass ich eingestehen muss, dass ich es überhaupt nicht bewerten kann. An einem Tag habe ich das Buch verschlungen und habe mit jeder Seite nicht fassen können was passiert. Es ist unweigerlich sehr gut geschrieben und die Idee zu Beginn nicht schlecht, aber je weiter die Geschichte fortgeschritten ist, desto weniger habe ich überhaupt noch erahnen können was als Nächstes passieren wird. Alleine dieser Umstand macht dieses Buch zu einem ganz besonderen und einzigartigen, ob in guter oder schlechter Weise…das weiß ich selbst nicht. Was ich jedoch sagen kann ist, dass ich noch nie so überrascht von einem Buch, war wie bei diesem. Deswegen muss ich gestehen, egal wie brutal das Buch tatsächlich war (und das es definitiv nicht so richtig für Kinder geeignet ist), die fortführenden Teile der Geschichte interessieren mich umso mehr, weil ich weiß das alles in ihnen passieren kann.
December 23, 2025
*3,5
C'est un parfait mélange entre Tim Burton, Coraline et Les orphelins Baudelaire. L'ambiance est folle, dérangeante, sombre voir glauque. Mais c'est quelque chose qui a marché avec moi. J'adorerai voir cette histoire en dessin animé, en stop motion à la Noces Funèbres. Pourtant j'ai été un peu déçu par cette fin. J'aimais beaucoup l'univers scolaire et au final j'aurais aimé en avoir un peu plus. Mais c'était quand même une bonne lecture.
C'est un parfait mélange entre Tim Burton, Coraline et Les orphelins Baudelaire. L'ambiance est folle, dérangeante, sombre voir glauque. Mais c'est quelque chose qui a marché avec moi. J'adorerai voir cette histoire en dessin animé, en stop motion à la Noces Funèbres. Pourtant j'ai été un peu déçu par cette fin. J'aimais beaucoup l'univers scolaire et au final j'aurais aimé en avoir un peu plus. Mais c'était quand même une bonne lecture.
October 11, 2017
Shocking. Murderous. Savage.
The front cover states that this is for fans on Roald Dahl. This must be explained. When I think Roald Dahl, I think Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where sinister things happen, but lessons are learned. No, this would be like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if Charlie decided to sneakily murder each of the other kids so that he could win the ultimate prize.
That being said, it's great fun, kids will eat it up.
The front cover states that this is for fans on Roald Dahl. This must be explained. When I think Roald Dahl, I think Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where sinister things happen, but lessons are learned. No, this would be like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if Charlie decided to sneakily murder each of the other kids so that he could win the ultimate prize.
That being said, it's great fun, kids will eat it up.
October 24, 2019
3.5 stars
I liked this better the further I got into it. As others have said, the blurb says for readers 9+ but I wouldn't recommend it for most 9 year olds - it's a little more murderous than Unfortunate Events or Roald Dahl mentioned in the blurb!
I liked this better the further I got into it. As others have said, the blurb says for readers 9+ but I wouldn't recommend it for most 9 year olds - it's a little more murderous than Unfortunate Events or Roald Dahl mentioned in the blurb!
April 3, 2018
I still don't know how to feel about this book. It reads great if you're into twisted grisly books.
The Institute's teachers are characters any reader would love to hate and to see come to their grisly end, but what put me on edge was Osbert's crush. First of, the book really didn't need any crush. Second of, the little girl was so twisted and manipulative she scared me. Osbert himself was also pathetic - his murders happened by chance and once he got the thrill he wanted more and that scared me too!
Overall Osbert wasn't a protagonist I was on board with. He was a little wimpy, no real character development, and his motives other than the teachers must be punished didn't really shine through. I thought he was doing it for his parents, but there was no mention of his giving his family the money from the butcher job even though he had a jar labelled to give to them. The adults were pathetic and I didn't quite get Nanny - was I as the reader supposed to dislike her as much as I did? She was just stuck in there as an extra character who I didn't feel added to the story.
I was debating rating this higher as it is a book readers who love the dark twisted stories would enjoy, but I just didn't enjoy it. When I was younger I read Goosebumps but that involved monsters and aliens, not little boys turning teachers into strudel mix.
The Institute's teachers are characters any reader would love to hate and to see come to their grisly end, but what put me on edge was Osbert's crush. First of, the book really didn't need any crush. Second of, the little girl was so twisted and manipulative she scared me. Osbert himself was also pathetic - his murders happened by chance and once he got the thrill he wanted more and that scared me too!
Overall Osbert wasn't a protagonist I was on board with. He was a little wimpy, no real character development, and his motives other than the teachers must be punished didn't really shine through. I thought he was doing it for his parents, but there was no mention of his giving his family the money from the butcher job even though he had a jar labelled to give to them. The adults were pathetic and I didn't quite get Nanny - was I as the reader supposed to dislike her as much as I did? She was just stuck in there as an extra character who I didn't feel added to the story.
I was debating rating this higher as it is a book readers who love the dark twisted stories would enjoy, but I just didn't enjoy it. When I was younger I read Goosebumps but that involved monsters and aliens, not little boys turning teachers into strudel mix.
April 16, 2020
Osbert Brikhoff on asuu Schwartzgartenissa - omalaatuisessa pienessä kaupungissa - vanhempiensa ja lastenhoitajansa kanssa. Osbertin elämä on tasaisen mukavaa kunnes hänet hyväksytään älykkäille lapsille tarkoitettuun kouluun, jossa hän osoittautuu yhdeksi lahjakkaimmista oppilaista. Ikävä vain, että koulun muurien takana tapahtuu asioita, joista ulkomaailma ei tiedä. Epäoikeudenmukaisuudesta ja julmista menetelmistä suuttunut Osbert päättää kostaa. Pian kaupunkia järkyttää kuolemantapaus toisensa perään...
Osbertista löytyy kieroa huumoria, huumoria suurella vaihteella! Kirja on tosiaan hieman Roald Dahlmainen, mutta ilman Dahlille tyypillisiä lämpimämpiä sävyjä.
Osbertista löytyy kieroa huumoria, huumoria suurella vaihteella! Kirja on tosiaan hieman Roald Dahlmainen, mutta ilman Dahlille tyypillisiä lämpimämpiä sävyjä.
August 26, 2024
Osbert Brinkhoff is a mastermind, so he gets sent to the school. You might have noticed i wrote THE school instead of A school. This is because in the school, the teachers are dangerous, the students are frightened and the school is… well you will have to wait and see.
Osbert is cunning, secretive and sneaky. If there is a way to destroy someone he hates, he will do it. I know this sounds like a really gruesome book, but it is actually pretty funny too!
I am a person who loves mystery books. This story is one of those that grip you in the moment you read the first word and that is what I like about some books.
Osbert is cunning, secretive and sneaky. If there is a way to destroy someone he hates, he will do it. I know this sounds like a really gruesome book, but it is actually pretty funny too!
I am a person who loves mystery books. This story is one of those that grip you in the moment you read the first word and that is what I like about some books.
March 25, 2018
I was given this book a couple of years ago by a child in my class as an end of year gift and have only just got round to reading it!
Osbert and his family fall on hard times, thanks to the evil Institute and its teachers. So Osbert decides to take revenge...
This is a dark tale which would probably appeal to older children.
Osbert and his family fall on hard times, thanks to the evil Institute and its teachers. So Osbert decides to take revenge...
This is a dark tale which would probably appeal to older children.
December 15, 2017
This book made me smile. It's so evil and twisted a tale. I fell in love with Osbert and his horrible, horrible teachers.
It reminded me of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Dark and humorous.
It reminded me of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Dark and humorous.
August 31, 2017
i really enjoyed this book as it was a good plot and had moments of tension. You really feel osberts feelings. I definitely recommend it.
November 24, 2017
A brilliant, gripping read that I taught to my year 7 group. They absolutely loved finding out who was Osbert's next victim!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 1, 2017
Had so much fun reading it!
April 29, 2018
Gruesome fun
January 22, 2020
Not sure if the amount of violence in this book is in the correct scale
January 7, 2021
Gruesome, devilish and lovely language. A great little story, but it may encourage your kids to take matters into their own hands!!
July 25, 2021
Thoroughly enjoyed it. Can't wait to read it to my students.
April 20, 2022
unsettling and interesting read
July 9, 2022
Osbert's fun adventures. It's worth reading.
August 11, 2023
So haunting and brilliant, one of the best books ever imo
October 4, 2023
Read it all in one go. I love it
October 27, 2023
Amazing I loved it
I love how Osbert helped Isabella but Isabella backstabbed him
I love how Osbert helped Isabella but Isabella backstabbed him
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 3, 2024
I hadint read anythong like this before but its definatly caut my antencion
June 1, 2025
My ex recommended me this book. Ended up being the one beneficial thing to come out of that relationship.
July 24, 2020
It reminded me of a mix of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket. Very gruesome for a kids book. I think I would have loved it growing up.
March 7, 2019
I love this book because every single event is so unexpected that you just can’t wait to read the next page.I especially like the ending because nobody expected osbert to go after his “friend”. If you have not read this book I definitely recommend it.I met the author once, he was really nice and told my class about all of his books and why he chose to write them. This is my favourite book that he has written but that might change because I’m currently reading the lily-liveried prince and that’s a pretty great book too. If Christopher William Hill reads this review thank you for writing this amazing book and keep writing amazing books if you can.👍
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 5, 2014
Recently Moontrug came across a book whose main character had one of the best names out there: Osbert Brinkhoff. And his job title? AVENGER. Oooooohhhhh. Seconds later the book was in Moontrug’s handbag and her journey through the sinister streets of Schwartzgarten began. Osbert The Avenger is the first book in the gruesomely funny Tales from Schwartzgarten series, a tale of dark delights and ghastly goings-on, of injustice and revenge. The villains are vicious. The settings are sinister. And good does not always prevail…
Osbert is an exceptionally bright 11-year-old who, after a lot of revising mathematical equations and Latin verbs, secures a place at The Institute, a terrifying school where the brightest of Schwartzgarten are educated. But the tutors there are worse than Miss Trunchbull and the Demon Headmaster combined. They’re evil villains who want to crush the souls of the pupils they teach. And so when Osbert challenges their intellect, they turn against him, and it’s up to Osbert to make things right. Through a series of gruesomely awful but terribly funny deeds, Osbert deals out justice to his malevolent tutors. Perhaps being brought up by a nanny whose motto is ‘Do unto others before they can do unto you’ and whose lover mysteriously drank a whole bottle of cyanide in his beetroot schnapps without a word of complaint, was the best upbringing Osbert could have hoped for…
The author, Christopher William Hill, describes the tutors (Doctor Zilbergeld, Professor Ingelbrod, Anatole Strauss and the Principal) so brilliantly you can’t help but admit that you’d be right on Osbert’s tail to finish them all off. Only Mr Lomm, with his ‘pink face’ and ‘almond oil’ scent deserve our sympathies – and respect – for it is he who comes up with a genius way of making the other tutors think he is torturing his pupils in the classroom when actually he’s the only one giving them hope. Nanny, too, is a force to be reckoned with and she beats Mary Poppins in style hands down: ‘she fished a large and earthy beetroot from the bottom of her bag and hurled it at the bailiff’s head.’ This is then promptly followed by a hard, dry lump or rye bread which Nanny bludgeons into the bailiff’s eye.
At the heart of the book is Osbert’s clear-thinking and witty mind. His cool, rational mind is both hilarious and unsettling: ‘Doctor Zilbergeld was not a young woman, and she had already spent a long life on earth. But Osbert was determined that she should not outstay her welcome.’ Let’s just hope Doctor Zilbergeld likes apple strudel… So if you prefer cleavers to kittens and fiends to fairies then this is your book. In fact it’s so good it’s made its way onto Moontrug’s Altocumulus Tower – a Roald Dahl style adventure for VERY brave 7 year-olds (and upwards). It’s up to you to decide if Osbert is performing a series of good deeds, or whether he’s taken Nanny’s early advice a little too far…
Osbert is an exceptionally bright 11-year-old who, after a lot of revising mathematical equations and Latin verbs, secures a place at The Institute, a terrifying school where the brightest of Schwartzgarten are educated. But the tutors there are worse than Miss Trunchbull and the Demon Headmaster combined. They’re evil villains who want to crush the souls of the pupils they teach. And so when Osbert challenges their intellect, they turn against him, and it’s up to Osbert to make things right. Through a series of gruesomely awful but terribly funny deeds, Osbert deals out justice to his malevolent tutors. Perhaps being brought up by a nanny whose motto is ‘Do unto others before they can do unto you’ and whose lover mysteriously drank a whole bottle of cyanide in his beetroot schnapps without a word of complaint, was the best upbringing Osbert could have hoped for…
The author, Christopher William Hill, describes the tutors (Doctor Zilbergeld, Professor Ingelbrod, Anatole Strauss and the Principal) so brilliantly you can’t help but admit that you’d be right on Osbert’s tail to finish them all off. Only Mr Lomm, with his ‘pink face’ and ‘almond oil’ scent deserve our sympathies – and respect – for it is he who comes up with a genius way of making the other tutors think he is torturing his pupils in the classroom when actually he’s the only one giving them hope. Nanny, too, is a force to be reckoned with and she beats Mary Poppins in style hands down: ‘she fished a large and earthy beetroot from the bottom of her bag and hurled it at the bailiff’s head.’ This is then promptly followed by a hard, dry lump or rye bread which Nanny bludgeons into the bailiff’s eye.
At the heart of the book is Osbert’s clear-thinking and witty mind. His cool, rational mind is both hilarious and unsettling: ‘Doctor Zilbergeld was not a young woman, and she had already spent a long life on earth. But Osbert was determined that she should not outstay her welcome.’ Let’s just hope Doctor Zilbergeld likes apple strudel… So if you prefer cleavers to kittens and fiends to fairies then this is your book. In fact it’s so good it’s made its way onto Moontrug’s Altocumulus Tower – a Roald Dahl style adventure for VERY brave 7 year-olds (and upwards). It’s up to you to decide if Osbert is performing a series of good deeds, or whether he’s taken Nanny’s early advice a little too far…
February 13, 2016
I wouldn't call this a children book. I would recommend this book for kids that are 15+.
I didn't know what to expect from the book when I pre-ordered it last year. It seemed awesome, but the blurb didn't really clarify what the book was about.
The book itself was awesome, but I wouldn't recommend it to people with a weak stomach. There are some stuff happening that are pretty gruesome.
I loved how the city was described, how when the author talked about the Institute, I felt like I could just see it, feel it.
Osbert, I never expected he would end up being a . But seeing the circumstances, I can somehow imagine that he just snapped. Seriously, those teachers *shivers* they are just horrible, horrendous, and I don't understand how they could be teachers. Though ofcourse no one talks about what happens in the Institute, so no one knows what is happening and how the children are treated.
I disliked Isabella, not from the start, but around the middle of the book. I just had a feeling that Osbert's relationship with Isabella would turn one of treachery and pain.
The ending was seriously creepy, and though I wanted to know what happens, I think we can just guess.
All in all, it was a great, fantastic book, but again, not for kids under 14 or 15.
I didn't know what to expect from the book when I pre-ordered it last year. It seemed awesome, but the blurb didn't really clarify what the book was about.
The book itself was awesome, but I wouldn't recommend it to people with a weak stomach. There are some stuff happening that are pretty gruesome.
I loved how the city was described, how when the author talked about the Institute, I felt like I could just see it, feel it.
Osbert, I never expected he would end up being a . But seeing the circumstances, I can somehow imagine that he just snapped. Seriously, those teachers *shivers* they are just horrible, horrendous, and I don't understand how they could be teachers. Though ofcourse no one talks about what happens in the Institute, so no one knows what is happening and how the children are treated.
I disliked Isabella, not from the start, but around the middle of the book. I just had a feeling that Osbert's relationship with Isabella would turn one of treachery and pain.
The ending was seriously creepy, and though I wanted to know what happens, I think we can just guess.
All in all, it was a great, fantastic book, but again, not for kids under 14 or 15.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews