Find You in the Dark

Find You in the Dark #1

by A. Meredith Walters

Maggie Young had the market on normal. Normal friends, normal parents, normal grades.. normal life. Until him.

Clayton Reed was running from his past and an army of personal demons that threatened to take him down. He never thought he had a chance at happiness. Until her.

Maggie thought their love could overcome anything. Clay thought she was all he needed to fix his messy life. That together, they could face the world. But the darkness is always waiting.

Sometimes the greatest obstacle to true love is within yourself.

Genres: Romance, New Adult, Young Adult, Contemporary, Contemporary Romance, Dark, High School

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 10, 2012

About the author

The New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Contemporary and New Adult romances including the Bad Rep, Find You in the Dark, Reclaiming the Sand, and Twisted Love series.

Follow her on-

Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1CkvffQ

Twitter: @AuthorAMWalters

Instagram: a.meredith.walters

Reviews

[Aestas Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

“This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you to hell if I had to.” His breath tickled my skin. He kissed my temple. “You are all I want for the rest of my life.”

Oh. Wow…. *clutches heart* I SO loved this book!!!

Maggie and Clay’s story was a deeply touching, heavy and emotional journey of the intensity, strength and beauty of first love coupled with the heart-wrenching hardships and struggles of someone affected by bi polar disorder.

This book shows you the light, pulls you into the dark and then shows you a glimmer of light again.

I really *felt* for this book. My heart went out to Clay as he struggled with his illness and my heart went out to Maggie as she followed her heart and stood by him no matter what.

The book felt REAL – the journey, the characters, the struggles… Everything that happened was believable, powerful, and very well written and I found myself unable to stop thinking about the story even when I wasn’t reading it.

The prologue hooked me immediately. Having finished the book, I realize how completely it represents it – part beautiful, part despairing, part hopeless, and part desperately and unconditionally in love.

I loved the writing style!! Like way freaking LOVED it! The story was told from Maggie’s POV and there was just enough humor and sarcasm to keep me almost smiling, but it also had a wonderfully direct, no bull$hit ring to it that made it really easy for me to connect with her. The author perfectly captured that mature yet distinctly older teenage voice – defining that line between teenage and adult.

The story is about Maggie – a seventeen-year-old girl with a very average, normal, happy-yet-boring life. One day, late for class, she quite literally runs into a guy – Clay. He’s angry, growly and absolutely gorgeous but his attitude throws her off… and yet, she can’t stop thinking about him and seeks him out, determined to become his friend.

The more time they begin to spend together, the more his moodiness lifts and she begins to see into the inner Clay – the one he doesn’t show the world. He’s fun, jokes around, flirts and is sweet but shy, yet protective…. mercurial. His moods changed constantly and he’d go from happy and light to angry and closed off at the slightest trigger.

The more he begins to trust her, the more he feels comfortable telling her and when he opens his secrets about his mental health she decides that its not something she’s going to let keep them apart.

There’s a quiet intensity to the story that builds as an undertone. You know something is off about them but you can’t put your finger on it and the part of you that’s in love with them falling in love with each other just desperately wants to try and dismiss your worries as just something you’re imagining. But… *sigh* they’re not imagined. They’re real. Oh so real. And heart breaking.

I loved Maggie – like really, truly loved her. She had a straight up, direct, in-your-face, no sugar coating, no bullshit kind of attitude. Throw in a dash of sarcasm and an immensely huge heart and yeah, she was a wonderful heroine who I admired and I never once wanted to throttle! How often does THAT happen??

Clayton really stole my heart – issues and all. On one hand he was swoony, sweet and had that dash of charm and protectiveness that made my heart flutter and yet, on the other hand his illness made him moody to an extreme, prone to random outbursts and hurtful actions brought about from extreme insecurity.

Despite all the issues they were working though, Clay and Maggie were truly beautiful together. With every fiber of my being I wanted to find a way for them to be okay.

“I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.”

It broke my heart watching Clay break down or have an outburst because you could just tell when it wasn’t ‘him’ – and he was always SO sorry afterward that you just *knew* he meant it.

He wasn’t just a regular guy, he was one of those swoony, gorgeous Alpha-in-the-making heroes (he’s only 17) and what made it the most heart breaking was that he was a little bit broken. I just wanted to hug him over and over again!! … when he said “I love you, baby” my heart would just MELT!!

“I love you. You are my life.” he placed my hand over his heart. I could feel it beating erratically beneath my palm. “Feel that? It’s yours. For now and always!”

“When you’re in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we’re together. What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I’ve ever felt.“

He was also such an interesting character because despite having the issues and imbalance, he was very knowledgeable about it. He knew his condition and acknowledged it. It didn’t stop it from affecting him everything time, but it was interesting to see him both so clinically understanding of his condition and at the same time so uncontrollably affected by it. He could explain every single issue he had, he knew and acknowledged every mistake he made, but… he couldn’t stop himself from making them.

Everything Clay did, wrong or right just broke my heart because, with the way the story is written, you could see exactly what triggered each of his reactions and you could understand them. I mean even though his reactions were over-the-top due to his illness, WHAT he was reacting to was completely understandable which made everything even more painful.

“The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I’ve never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I’m stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me… the good and the really really ugly.”

My heart broke for him – for the hell he lived in back home, for his struggles, for his efforts to be better. Even without his disorder, the fucked up relationship he had with his parents would have driven ANYONE to extremes. Heck even reading some of the things he had to go through in his home life made ME want to loose it.

Its weird to say this but given what Maggie and Clay were going though, I’d actually call them very functional as a couple. I don’t think they could have handled their situation better. Every thing that went wrong for them was heavily influenced by external forces beyond their control but, between the two of them, they were really doing their best to figure things out. But they were in an impossible situation, facing impossible odds for which there was no magic solution and no quick fix.

“And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him – to follow him. Because I thought, perhaps quite immeasurable that my love could help him. Maybe our love could even do more than just help – maybe it could heal him. Fix him. Fix everything.”

The book really builds after about 70%. And in the final 20%, I was pretty much just reading with this ohGodohGodohGod feeling as things went from bad to worse and I just wanted it to work out SO badly.

By 94% I was crying. A lot….



I know a lot of you have been asking whether there’s a cliffhanger so I’m going to try and answer that here:

The way I’d describe it is that it ended at a good stopping point (like, not in the middle of a scene or anything) but it was definitely only half their story – there is a lot more to tell. You definitely do know that its the RIGHT place for the characters to be at this time AND the next book, Light In The Shadows is already out so you don't have to wait to finish their story!

This book has easily made it onto my favorites pile and the author’s writing style was brilliant. I’d definitely recommend this book.

5 stars.


CASTING (see above and below):












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[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

DID I READ THE WRONG BOOK?!?

What in the HELL was that. This is just fucking scary that these girls are rating it five stars.

Not only are there editing issues, but the plot was all over the fucking place.

Where in this book did you find a love story? Because in the book that I READ, I was rooting for a girl called Maggie May to get the hell out of some twisted, mind-fuck, mentally abusive relationship. Which sadly for me looks like it wont happen. This is just awful.

Is it love to be embarrassed in front of your classmates because your boyfriends crazy possessive?
Is it love when youre that nasty couple dry humping(my imagination here) in the cafeteria, so much so that the principal comes over to tell you to cut the shit?
Is it love when youre purposely distancing yourself from the relationships youve had since you were a baby because your boyfriends jealous and feels left out?
FINALLY, FOR FUCKS SAKE, IS IT LOVE WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND INSTIGATES AND PUSHES YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM IN A PUBLIC PARK ON A COLD ASS FUCKING BENCH ON A FALL NIGHT? If that turns you on, honey, then youll like this book. I felt dirty and ready to get this book over with since 30%. Ms. Walters youve wasted 6 hours of my life. The time it took me to make the money to buy your shitty book to the time it took me to read it.
Heed this review!!!!

[♥︎ Heather ⚔ (New House-Hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ 𝟝 𝕌𝕟𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤 ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

؛ ଓ “𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼 "𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂" 𝓲𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓮𝓷𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱. 𝓢𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮.” ꨄ︎

Sobbing my face off. Omg what a beautiful and heartbreaking story! 💔😭

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ A gripping romance novel that delves into the complexities of mental illness and the power of love to overcome even the darkest of times.

We follow our FMC, Maggie Young, a college freshman who is trying to navigate her way through the typical challenges of young adulthood. However, her life takes an unexpected turn when she meets Clayton Reed, a brooding and mysterious classmate. Despite his enigmatic nature, Maggie is drawn to Clay, and the two begin a tumultuous relationship.

As their relationship deepens, Maggie discovers that Clay is battling severe depression and self-harm. Despite his struggles, she is determined to stand by him and help him through his darkest moments. However, as Clay's mental health deteriorates, Maggie finds herself increasingly isolated and overwhelmed by the weight of his illness.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Walters really delves into the complexities of loving someone with mental illness. Maggie's unwavering devotion to Clay is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. She tries to understand his condition, support him, and be there for him, but she also grapples with her own emotional turmoil and the toll Clay's illness takes on their relationship.

Clay, on the other hand, battles his inner demons, struggling to accept Maggie's love and support. He feels unworthy of her affection and constantly fears that his illness will drive her away. His internal conflict is palpable, and Walters does an excellent job of portraying the inner workings of a mind consumed by depression.

As the story progresses, the strain of Clay's mental illness on their relationship becomes increasingly evident. Maggie is torn between her love for Clay and her own well-being, while Clay grapples with his inability to reciprocate her love in the way he wants to. Their relationship becomes a battleground, with mental illness as the unseen enemy.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ The author doesn't shy away from portraying the harsh realities of mental illness. She illustrates how it can distort one's perception of reality, strain relationships, and lead to self-destructive behavior. She also highlights the importance of seeking professional help and the limitations of love in curing mental illness.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ This story is a poignant exploration of love, mental illness, and the complexities of human relationships. A. Meredith Walters skillfully captures the raw emotions and challenges that come with loving someone who is battling their inner demons. The novel serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of mental health awareness and the need for empathy and understanding in our relationships.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Highly recommend!!

"𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝑀𝒶𝑔𝑔𝒾𝑒. 𝐼 𝓌𝑜����𝓁𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜." 𝐻𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓁𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓀𝒾𝓃. 𝐻𝑒 𝓀𝒾𝓈𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒯𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒. "𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒." 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝓉𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝐼 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝒸𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓉𝓁𝓎. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒 𝒽𝓊𝓃𝑔𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶 𝓂𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝒻𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒.

“𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓉?" 𝐼 𝒶𝓈𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈𝓁𝓎. "𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽. 𝒮𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉𝓈." "𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉, 𝒞𝓁𝒶𝓎. 𝒪𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒻𝓊𝓁.” 𓍯𓂃𓏧♡
┊ ┊ ┊ ♡ ┊
┊ ┊ ┊ ˚ ♡
┊ ┊ ♡ ⋆ +
♡ ⋆ ┊ .
+ ♡

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ Connect with me on Instagram ˗ˏˋ★‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

[⚔Irunía⚔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Toxic, abusive, frustrating, annoying, disfunctional high school couple? Mean, bipolar (effectively bipolar 😗) asshole of the hero???



Mental stability is overrated, guys;D
I don't know much about the bipolarity but the toxic quality to their relationship? Chef's kiss. 💋

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything." ~ Clay

"And maybe what we had, for those few blissful months, had truly been beautiful. Crazy beautiful. Or maybe just crazy."


WOW. Just...WOW. After finishing this story I honestly didn't know what to do with my emotions. And actually I didn't know what to do with them while I was reading it either. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster that only went up, up, up and that was bound to come down in the most harsh and hurtful way, and it did (sort of). I haven't felt that emotional and "on edge" while reading a book since The Opportunist, but I absolutely LOVED every minute of it!!!!


Find You in the Dark is the story about Maggie May Young and Clayton Reed, it's a story about how these two young people fall in love, how they struggle with all the harshness and trouble life has to offer, and how they never, not once fall out of love. But sometimes, love itself is not enough...


Clay --


Maggie --

"Goodness is your virtue. Quiet beauty your weapon."

The seventeen year old Maggie Young is living the perfect teenage life where everything is normal. She has good grades, great friend and nice, loving parents. But then, one day, she meets Clay. At first, they don't get along too well; Clay is very distant, a little rude and it's obvious he doesn't like to allow people close into his life. But Maggie is determined to change that. She's drawn to him in an unexplainable way and Clay himself, can't seem to stay away from her either. He's never met anyone who truly cared about him and who showed him what it feels like to be loved.

"I was this sad and lonely creature before you came along. And then, just being with you, knowing you love me, has transformed me. My entire life has become this metamorphosis into something beautiful, something happy. I told you before that you've freed me. You've reminded me of what it means to believe and hope." ~ Clay

Clay isn't always an easy person to be around, he's often surrounded by dark thoughts...because of his condition he has a lot of mood swings. There are a lot of ups and downs in their relationship but when things were good. They were fantastic.

"And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him - to follow him." ~ Maggie

Their love really is crazy. And beautiful. Crazy Beautiful. It's intense and all consuming for both of them and I constantly felt like things were bound to end badly...

"I knew his love was an intense, hungry thing. I worried for a moment, as I fell asleep, that his love would eat me alive." ~ Maggie

Their love was like a ticking time bomb; where I was desperately hoping that I would be wrong and that the bomb wouldn't explode, but like so many other things in life, you can't always get what you're hoping for... Clay and Maggie were such easy to love characters. They both had their good and their bad qualities (especially Clay) but even when they did mess things up, they were easy to forgive because they managed to capture my heart and all I wanted for them was to get the happy ending they so desperately deserved.

When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies, he kissed me softly on the mouth. "Because you make me feel free."

"You're my butterfly, baby."

"I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other."

The last few chapters leading up to, what I would call, one of the most heartbreaking endings EVER, were SO emotional. Really, things kept getting worse and worse to the point where I wanted to literally step inside the book and intervene, but on the other hand, I also KNEW things were headed in that direction, the entire time I was reading. So, to say that it surprised me wouldn't be true but I would say that it did make me cry, a lot. And for that I'm glad I waited to read this book until the sequel was released because I just NEED to find out how the story continues and therefore I'll be reading the next one right away!!!

Find You in the Dark is an amazing, beautiful, unforgettable, heart wrenching story and and absolute MUST READ. It's a story that will stay with me forever and I already know this series will be from now on residing on my all time favorites shelf.

"I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts."

"I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful."




♥ 5 CRAZY BEAUTIFUL STARS. ♥

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ stars!

And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him- to follow him. Because I thought, perhaps quite immaturely, that my love could help him. Maybe our love could do more than just help- Maybe it could heal him. Fix him. Fix everything.

This is a story of first loves, intense and passionate. A story of two people, so in love, they thought it was all they needed. If they had each other, everything would be okay. Their love was crazy and it was beautiful. It bordered on being obsessive at times. This is a story of two people who become completely dependent on each other for their happiness. This is the story of Clayton and Maggie.

Maggie was an ordinary high school senior. She was close with her parents and her two best friends, Rachel and Daniel. She was involved in sports, did well in school. She led a fairly average, yet boring life. That is until she met Clayton. Clay was a new student who transferred from a school in Florida. He seemed standoffish in the beginning to everyone. He was quiet and mysterious. Maggie literally ran into him. She knew there was something special about Clay. Despite his withdrawn personality, they became friends. Maggie quickly realized Clay had some issues. He could have terrible mood swings, and sometimes just seemed off. Other times, he could be wonderful. Their friendship grew and they developed strong feelings for one another. They fell in love.

Have there ever been two people who loved each other as much as we did? I couldn't put it into words the way we felt about each other.

Maggie was exceptionally devoted to Clay. There were many times she should have walked away from him, but she stayed. Her parents and friends tried to be supportive, but grew to be concerned for her and Clay's relationship. Their love for each other was heart warming and heart breaking. They were addicted to each other.

We existed in this symbolic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other. Was all first love this intense?

Clay- I adored Clay. If you know anyone who suffers from mental illness, you know how difficult it can be for that person. His parents make it harder than it already is. Mags is everything to Clay. Without her, I'm not sure what would have happened to him. Its scary to think about. He truly loves her, but he can become manic, get possessive and extremely jealous- which is very taxing on their relationship. She can be really helpful to Clay, but also enables him some.

"When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, breathe when we're together."

I really rooted for Clay and Mags to make it. Even though their relationship was dysfunctional, it was beautiful as well. Clay's letter to Mags at the end of the book had me in tears. The author did an amazing job with this story and the characters. The end gave me hope for Clay and Maggie. I cannot wait for the sequel! No one deserves a happy ending more than these two. I'm so glad this is not the end of their story.

[Amy | Foxy Blogs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t even deal with what I’m feeling right now. I finished this morning but have not been able to write a review because of the pain I feel right now.

I purchased this book three years ago and like most of my books it got buried in a pile on my kindle.

I didn’t read the blurb I just plunged into the book. The title, Find Me in the Dark, should have clued me in on what I was getting into… mental illness. There’s a stigma with that illness unlike the more acceptable health issues that deal with one’s physical being. Talking about someone’s diabetes is okay contrary to talking about someone's depression. In our society there’s shame with being mentally “weak.”

I’ve read Ms. Walter’s other series, Reclaiming the Sand, and I realize that she likes to make me feel uncomfortable while reading about her characters’ stories. When I got to the end of this one I was struggling to finish it because one of my closest friends did a similar thing that happens in the end of the book. That scene alone triggered a lot of memories for me and has thrown me into a funk.

Talking about our personal experiences can be very therapeutic and yet right now I feel vulnerable because this book hit home for me. Everyone has book triggers that make some stories next to impossible, for them, to read because of personal experiences. The story becomes too real and painful. My personal experience with my friend has made reading and writing this review very painful. So I'm going to leave you with:
You Found Me by The Fray
http://youtu.be/jFg_8u87zT0


(In loving memory of my friend, Bill. I will forever miss and love you)

SERIES:

Continuing story

Novellas:

(#1.5)(#2.5)

[xrysa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some people are bound to love forever.


“I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other."
Maggie


Maggie is an ordinary teenage girl with a normal life.She was freaking out she'll never find love until she mets Clayton.

“This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you into hell if I had to … You are all I want for the rest of my life.”
Clay


She cant stop talking about him, much less thinking about him.He managed to invade into her mind without even trying.Clay for some reasons is social misfit and has no desire to interact with people but Maggie is persistent to talk to him , to be his friend.

They start to spend more and more time together .
Getting to know each other better , comes up with a brutal way.


"Who said I'm looking for romance?Cant we just hook up and it not be all serious?"



Clay has:
a) secrets
b) a f*cked up past
c) mental issues

He wants her away but he cant do it.



Maggie is his saviour and the one that makes his life significant again.
"I dont know what's going on with you but I'm not going anywhere."

However , the dark side is always a scary palce .



Yet , love can win anything and Maggie is determined to make him feel normal again but this is not enough when Clay is not taking his meds.Getting angry all the time and the whole personality switch was pretty crazy.

His mood and behaviour start becoming erratic when his parents arrive.He pushes everyone away and especially Maggie.



Teenagers sometimes do reckless things and what these two did was too bad.Running away isnt the best option when Clay is mental sick.



"You told me I was your forever.
Now prove it."

From this point of the book things are getting way too crazy.





I loved so much this book.The way they meet each other is ordinary but the rest of the story will definitely captivate you.This is not an easy read , though. Clay's mood changes are happening all the time and sometimes it is scary.Maggie is a very strong girl.Dealing with these issues is very difficult and she handled it pretty well except from the end.I dont agree with the run away part.

"If you are feeling lost , well , I'll have to find you."~Maggie

"Your love saved me."~Clay

[Jennifer Kyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

”And maybe what we had, for those few blissful months, had truly been beautiful. Crazy beautiful. Or maybe just crazy.”



Thank you A. Meredith Walters for giving life to Clayton Reed!

Find You in the Dark is a true to life depiction of a young adult suffering from mental illness. We experienced his highs and lows, manic episodes, his anger and his desperation to feel normal through the point of view of his girlfriend Maggie.

I too love someone who suffers some of the same problems as Clayton. Mental Illness affects not only the diagnosed but their family and friends as well.

As a reader it broke my heart to read how Clayton’s peers picked up on his social awkwardness and labeled him different from the get go. Maggie fell for Clayton and saw past his illness and took the time to be his friend.

Clayton and Maggie fall in love and their relationship followed the array of highs and lows much like Clayton’s mental state.

Clayton’s love for Maggie was so intense but kudos to Maggie she stood by him where others may have walked away. Although it terrified her she never let him down or alone in the dark.

"This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you to hell if I had to." His breath tickled my skin. He kissed my temple. "You are all I want for the rest of my life."

"But I knew his love was an intense, hungry thing. I worried for a moment, as I fell asleep, that his love would eat me alive."

Things begin to spiral out of control. Maggie’s love gave him something to hold onto to but is that enough?

I have high hopes that Clayton can become the man he wants to be. I’m looking forward to the sequel!



“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like."

[Lise *friends don't flag* · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Goodness is your virtue. Quiet beauty your weapon.”

Find You in the Dark is a beautifully written story of a young women looking to feel something other than normal and a young man looking to feel just normal.

This heartbreakingly real and gut-wrenching portrayal of a young man suffering crippling mental illness and his journey of survival through the love and salvation of a young women, totally gutted me; I fell completely and deeply in pain and in love with Clay and Maggie.

Their story was honest and felt so real, and it breaks my heart to know that many young people are suffering through this type of pain.

The author created a story based on her own experience working ten years as a counselor for at risk teens and children at a Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault program and then later a program for children with severe emotional and mental health issues.


"When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies he had kissed me softly on the mouth. Because you make me feel free.”




“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like."

"I realize my love for you crippled both of us. But your love saved me."-Clay

[Chelsea Humphrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this in record time, and you better believe this will be on my "best of" books forever. No review to come, as I think I'll just keep this one tucked away for myself. <3

[Angie - Angie's Dreamy Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 FANTASTIC CLAYTON AND MAGGIE STARS

Phenomenal!!! ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL!!! This book is an emotional, touching story, that takes us on a journey as we discover the hardships of someone suffering from a serious mental illness and how that illness can affect every facet of their lives as well as those they love. Mental health does not discriminate, affecting millions of people throughout the world. It’s a scary thing and something that is heart wrenching to read about.

I went into this book blind without reading the synopsis or any reviews. I chose it based on the amazing cover alone. HOLY CRAP was I blown away. Not only is this a story about mental illness but also of first love; a strong and addictive first love. It was powerful!! Clayton’s struggle with his mental disorder was truly sad, leaving me feeling broken and intensely wounded for him and his girlfriend Maggie, who experienced his destructive behavior first hand. There was such realness to this book that it took my breath away leaving me completely entranced and feeling that the author’s characters came alive leaving a lasting imprint in my life.

“The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I’ve never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I’m stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me… the good and the really really ugly.” ~~ Clayton

Maggie Young is in her last year of high school and is ready for her life start. She’s sick of the everyday normal and wants to experience something different, that’s not the mundane day to day. Rushing to class and not looking were she’s going Maggie runs over a very annoyed Clayton Reed. Not exactly impressed with Clayton’s attitude their first meeting leaves a bad taste in Maggie’s mouth. Their second encounter takes place in the lunch room and goes equally poorly leaving Maggie stumped wanting to know who the grumpy, very sexy new boy really is. There’s a connection to Clay that Maggie just can’t ignore as she sets out to find out everything she can by getting close to him.

“Hot damn. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies. I was in the middle of a Disney moment. Because this guy was gorgeous. And we were standing so close to each other. If he hadn't been holding onto a barely contained rage directed at yours truly, it could have almost been construed as romantic.” ~~ Maggie

Maggie is a go-getter, a girl after my own heart. She has a mouth on her that made me laugh out loud. I loved how strong and courageous she was. Her feelings for Clay were palpable and I truly understood her need to be there and support Clay even when things were not looking good. It ripped me apart to read Maggie's slow break down and see how the relationship took its toll on her. Being with someone that's so unhealthy can cripple even the sanest person. I'm a firm believer that we do not chose who we love that love chooses us and it broke my heart that Maggie couldn't get what she needed from Clay because he was so incredibly unstable, he didn't have it to give to her.

Clay....oh Clay :( This boy! Let me say you will fall head over heels in love with Clay. That nurturing instinct takes over when you read this book and all you want to do is save this boy. Help him in some way. Hold him. I don't even know but I wanted to save Clay from himself. This subject is hard, really, really hard. Clay has a dynamic personality with so much potential but his issues are immense.

Clay and Maggie fall in love. It's such a dysfunctional, unhealthy but passionate and strong type of love. I remember what it was like as a teenager to feel a love that's so strong it's crippling and becomes the center of your universe. Maggie and Clay have that and you become enraptured in their feelings for each other and the constant yo-yo state of their relationship. Their love story is an angsty book lovers dream, it's so full of gut wrenching pain. I guarantee you will cry!!!!! I cried like a baby.

“I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.” ~~ Maggie

I highly recommend this book. It made it to my favorite's shelf without a doubt. It was an incredible moving, thought provoking book. I am so invested in these characters. The ending left me screaming, needing and craving more. I can't wait to get my hands on book 2. I think this author is brilliant and her writing was absolutely wonderful. I loved it. <3



Clay and Mags <3



“What is it?" I asked breathlessly.
"I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts."
"I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful.”




“Love is the absence of judgment.” ― Dalai Lama

[Annie Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I'm in absolute tears and depression right now. This was such a hard book to read. I cried through most of it. I need to get my emotions together to write my review. But after reading the sneak peek for the sequel which is in Clay's POV, I am more than positive that there is light at the end of the tunnel, somewhere. But this is NOT an HEA, so if you're looking for that in this book, don't look further. I need the sequel now!!! My heart hurts so bad for these characters.

Full review to come...

Okay, I am not sure how to start this. This book still weighs heavy on my mind since I finished at 4 am. But I will start out by giving this author kudos, for addressing such a heavy issue and doing it tragically beautiful. I don't know how she did it, but this is definitely a book that will stay with me for a long time. I've known people in my life who suffered from bi-polar disorder and personality disorder. These are NOT easy issues to cover. But somehow, I was thrown into this darkness that I could not climb out of, much like Clay Reed. So, with that said...Good job A Meredith Walters. It proves me to be even more of a masochist, but I am okay with that. It's books like these that make me love reading so much more. And if that makes me sick, then so fucking be it.

So we have Maggie Young, a seventeen year old who is in her senior year of high school. She's a sweet and caring person. She loves her family and her two best friends, Rachel and Daniel and would do anything for them. Her life is anything but fun. She does the same things everyday and is not at all spontaneous. She starts to wish there was something more to life than this monotony she lives through. Don't we all??

That is...til she runs into Clay Reed, literally runs into him in the school parking lot. He's the new student who moved from Florida. He's dark, mysterious and oh so good looking. Everyone tries to bully him, especially the popular jackass Paul who makes a scene at lunch one day. Yelling at Clay, calling him a pussy and breaking his MP3 player. But Clay does nothing but keep his head down and his gaze anywhere but on Paul. To Maggie, it's very disconcerting that he would let such a prick humiliate him in front of everyone so she intervenes. He's not happy about the save, letting Maggie know it was not her business. What is he a Damsel in Distress? No guy wants a girl to "save" them from public humliation-it's embarrassing and takes their "man card" away. What....ever.

Clay:



After all the cold shoulders and hissing that Clay does, Maggie has had enough. She's intrigued by his secretive side and wants to know more about him so she makes it a mission to butt into his life. And she won't back down. Much to Clay's dismay, he finally lets her in..a little at a time. He shows her a little bit of living and she finally gets to see what spontaneous is like. She stops hanging out with her friends to spend as much time with Clay as possible. Their friendship grows and soon becomes something more, they fall in love. It also becomes destructive and fast. Because there seems to be a wall between them, something that Clay is still hiding from her. When she finally learns his family history and of his sickness, she does everything in her power to save him. But is love really enough?

Maggie and Clay:



Ahhhhh, this book. It broke me to pieces. I was on pins and needles. Constantly biting my nails in fear, frustration, pain and anger. Clay suffers from mental health issues. His parents were never the loving type, in fact his parents are probably a big reason he's so fucked up and I HATE THEM!!! They are inconsiderate, self-centered, evil people. They always blamed him for his issues and called him every bad name in the book, making him feel like an embarrassment. How the hell can you call yourself a parent when you're anything but...evil sons of bitches. Yes, excuse the cursing but his mother made me want to throw my nook at my wall and then sob. I hated how she acted toward Maggie and blamed her for everything that's wrong with him. Fuck you. Ugh. That woman got under my skin like no other.



Seriously, I know this is a hard book to read but I couldn't stop-and didn't want to. I've dealt with this kind of stuff and its not pretty. But the author really did a good job of dragging me into the pits of hell with Clay and all I wanted to do was.....




It was so hard to read what he was going through. I cried, I sobbed and I wanted to help Maggie too. She was so helpless, thinking that her love would save him-them. That all you need is love. But sometimes, even love isn't enough. Sometimes the darkness sucks you under so quickly, you can't breathe...




Just when I thought things were going to be okay....



I was a mess. I couldn't breathe. I cried so much. I felt Maggie's pain, her helplessness, her fear...everything. I loved Clay. He was a broken and very sick boy. I wanted him to have a happy ending. But sometimes even happy endings are impossible.



I don't know if this book is for everyone, but those that can handle such monumental issues will like this. Those that are masochists like me....read it. I want to discuss this book with others. I want opinions...



If you choose to read this, just know there is a sequel...and its from his POV and I can't effing wait. I want it....NOW!!! I'm dying here....I want more. I love them. Maggie and Clay. I want them to have a happy ending. Dammit to hell. This is me at the last page....




I loved Maggie for being one of the only people that really loved Clay. The only one that wanted to help him-even though she may in some way enabled his tendencies. But what did she know? She got in too deep and couldn't get out, because she loved him enough to try and help him. Unlike his parents who did nothing but make him feel worthless and want to end his life. There were many things that happened in this book that made you question whether it was right or wrong. Maggie wanted to live a perfect normal life with her amazing boyfriend, and sometimes he was amazing. But in an instant, his moods went off the handle and he was a complete dick. How do you justify your relationship with that person? That's not love, yet she would not give up on him. It broke my heart. I feared for his life and for hers as well. Gah, this is hard. I can clearly visualize everything that happened. I loved Rachel and Daniel too. They were good friends and even though they didn't understand what was happening, they were always there for Maggie.

All in all, the writing was great! The story, obviously a hard pill to swallow, the characters were memorable and the end....well the end will kill you. Just have tissues handy. And then when you read Clay's POV in the back-a sneak peek at the sequel, you'll feel a sense of hope for the future. Maybe a light....go to the light. Ahhhh I want...I want that book NOW NOW NOWWW! Please don't make me wait too long.

[Georgia ♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

★★★★★ Darkness & Freedom ★★★★★

♪♫ Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again♪♫

There are many kinds of darkness and many kinds of bonds. The worst are the absence of light in a soul and the restrictions we alone inflict upon us. We are our own worst enemies and we abuse ourselves. It takes more than guts to break what holds you back. To see the fault in you. To ask for help. And stop saying I'm sorry.

Sometimes “sorry” is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.



Maggie Young is a normal 17-year old girl. An average student with friends, family and dreams that every teenager has. Her world will change forever when it collides with Clayton "Clay" Reed. And they fall irrevocably in love...



Clay is anything but normal. A dead 17-years old, deep in his soul. Damaged, alone, despaired. Beyond repair? Maggie will fight heaven and hell to prove that there is nothing irredeemable in him. To love him forever, as he will always love her. Possessively and insanely. Beautiful.

“When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we're together What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.”



Sometimes, though, love is just not enough and you have to set the other free and wait, praying that he/she will come back. Stronger and larger than life.



I can't stretch enough the sheer amount of feelings and beauty I went through reading this story. How much drawn I was to these kids. I rooted for them, I cried and crumbled along them. And I despaired at the injustice they had to face...



This book deals with a really serious and sensitive matter, in the most respectful way. With tenderness and care, treating it like the fragile wings of a butterfly that Clay is enjoying to draw, because he yearns to fly, leaving his failing mind behind and be finally free.

“Just wanted to know how it felt to fly.”

“Because you make me feel free.”



By the end I was left a sobbing mess trying and failing to mend the piece of my broken heart, just like the shattered dreams of Maggie and Clay's...

"You deserve so much more than me. You always have. I hope you do find what you deserve one day.



WARNING:Do NOT start this book without having the next already loaded in you reading device!

But I urge you... Read this story and find an once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.



This review can be found on my blog: infinity-of-time.blogspot.com also known as...

[Fatima · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I can't do this by myself. I don't know what to do, or what to say. I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself.” I said matter of factly. 
Clay looked at me for a second, then crossed the room toward me. “That's where you're wrong. You save me every single day. You are the one thing that makes me happy. You are the only thing I need.”

OMHYGOD !!!!!!

WHAT IN THE WORLD !!!!!

AHHHH , MY HEARD HURTS ... AND MY HEART .. DONT EVEN TALK ABOUT IT ! IT'S SHREDDED .... NOTHING ... ALL GONE ...

IF NOT FOR THAT LITTLE TEASER IN THE END FROM THE SEQUEL .... I'D BE SOOOOO DOING THIS :



BUT STILL , TRUTH BE TOLD ... I CANT HELP MY EMOTIONS , THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE ....



I CANT THINK STRAIGHT .... REVIEW TO FOLLOW TOMORROW OR DAY AFTER OR WHENEVER ....



Edit : 16/12/2012

Honest to everything sane and insane , I'm still speechless over what to write as a review for this book . Why you ask ?? Because I feel that words can never justify the intensity of emotions that manage to barrel their way across the pages and hit the reader with force . I'm not saying that its going to be like that for everyone who reads this book . But for me , this was closer to hitting home . And reading it was like revisiting those dark recesses of the mind that have been completely locked away . But irrespective of whether you've heard , seen , or experienced something similar or not , you will definitely relate to certain things mentioned or described here . That I guarantee !

This is not exactly a review ... I mean I'm trying to write one but it may not end up being one .. Please bear with me . Its like I just wanna talk and stuff ...

Cue * Sleeping with ghosts - Placebo I was soo freaking happy when this is played in the book , its one of my fav albums by Placebo and this song is like WOW !!!

Find you in the Dark is the story of Maggie May Young . Maggie is a normal girl , with normal parents , normal friends , normal life ... you know typical seventeen year old stuff . For her , Love is what her parents have for each other . Not the typical high school dating scenario . Simple life , no boyfriend hassle what-so-ever.

“Let's start over.  Hello, my name is Maggie Young.  Seventeen year old self- confessed choc-o-holic and over all fabulous human being.  Pleased to meet you.”

But things change , right ? So did Maggie's life . The day Clayton Reed bumped into her .



Clay is not like the other guys Maggie has ever know . He is someone entirely too different . He doesn't talk to anyone , keeps to himself and seems lost . Maggie is intrigued . She wants to know him .. And Maggie is persistent . Her persistence finally pays off ...

Clayton slowly reached out and clasped my hand in his.  His handshake was firm and made those obnoxious butterflies in my stomach take flight at the feel of his warm skin against mine.  His smile was wide and genuine, making his brown eyes sparkle.  “Clayton Reed, though you can call me Clay.  Seventeen year old senior and unabashed misanthrope.”

Which then leads to Maggie and Clay becoming friends .

But Clay has issues ... Very dark , deep rooted issues that can destroy anything and everything in its path .

He says he's fine ... but he isn't ..



Maggie and Clay's relationship takes a turn and starts changing into more than ' just friends' ...



But then Maggie finds out what Clay is all about .. Will she stick around or will she run away ? Will Clay change or will it too late for Maggie to turn her back and walk away ???



This is definitely one of the 'most emotional' stories that I've read this year . My emotions would jump from extreme happiness to extreme sadness .. Many a times I found myself shouting and asking



Maggie and Clay ... My god I cant even begin to describe what I was feeling seeing them go back and forth all the freakin time ! Strictly speaking , other than Clay's parents , I couldn't blame any of the characters for the parts they were playing in this story . If I had a best friend who was dating a guy like Clay , I would have totally blasted her ass off and asked her not to bother with him anything . Or If I would have been a parent who saw their daughter dating him , I would be like , ' No way young lady , he is trouble !!! Stay away from him . ' But just like Maggie I would have stuck to Clay no matter what . Do you know why ?? Because its usually loneliness , being treated differently , being ignored or shunned away that is the major cause for people with mental instability . I've had friends who are exactly like Clay , and I know why they are who and what they are .. I've seen them suffer . Seen them try to make a place for themselves in this so called 'society' ... But I've seen them being rejected , being treated like outcasts , being told that they aren't good enough ! I've seen battle their demons and losing . And then what happens ? They just become a shell , hollow from the inside . No positive feelings or emotions , only rage .

Maggie and Clay's love also faces similar problems in the story . Maggie's decision to stick with Clay only damages her relationship with others ..





But for Clay , Maggie is all he wants . Her love is all he wants ..



And Maggie gives him exactly that .. She loves him without a doubt . Even though he hurt her at times , she forgives him and tries to make things alright for him .. with him .



“What is it?” I asked breathlessly, never stopping the perfect rhythmic movements with him.  Clay smiled, a truly gorgeous smile.  “I just love you so much.  Sometimes it hurts.”  “I don't want it to hurt, Clay.  Our love should make you feel wonderful.”

But is that enough ?? It's not . A relationship , that is constantly clouded by doubts , uncertainty and despair is never a successful one is it ?

Personally , I feel that Clay's parents are to ultimately be blamed for all his troubles .



All they cared about was their social status . "What would people think if they found out our soon was an addict with major mental issues ?? " seemed to be the only thing that really bothered them ! And his mom , lord , I've never met a mom like her ..... EVER !!! I despised her from the core of my being !! Such people calling themselves parents has to be the biggest joke that life can play on someone !

The ending !



Totally broke my heart , whatever was left of it .. all done with ! Reading that letter was like reading a life sentence note ! I was bawling like an idiot , going all ' NO NO NO , this is not it ... please dont let it be that ... oh god why .... ' .. Talk about a soul shattering cliffhanger ...

This book is a must read ! A.Meredith Walters takes a very important teen issue that has plagued many and spins a beautiful story of love and friendship . A story that is bound to make you smile one moment and cry the next .

[Smitten's Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nooooo!!! No No No!!! Oh my goodness! I don't do stories without a happy ever after. This book has torn me to shreds! I was so emotionally invested and I feel like I'd had the world ripped out from under me at 2.30am, when I finished the book, last night.

Mean mean mean author!!

However, it has to be said, Find You in the Dark was absolutely superb writing. The book was totally gripping. I loved the characters so much. Maggie was brilliantly funny, strong and down to earth.

Hot damn. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies, I was in the middle of a Disney moment. Because this guy was gorgeous.

It was fascinating to see the inevitable change in her personality due to her relationship with Clay. You could feel her slipping deeper and deeper away from the happy-go-lucky family girl she once was with no control over what was happening.

"Why are you interested in me?" He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn't want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies. That might be a little much.

Clay was a completely heart-wrenching, lost soul. I wanted him to be saved so badly. I totally got Maggie's motivation to do the things she did. Who wouldn't, for Clay? The author made me crave his happy side, just as Maggie did.

"I wanted to feel what it was like to kiss you for the first time without being sucked into a medicated fog."

His love for Maggie was terrifyingly deep. He needed her, in the strongest sense of the word. It was unhealthy, yet beautiful and true, in equal measures.

This book delved into such harrowing, life altering issues that it was difficult not to get sucked in. And the ending shattered me. Be aware that this book does not give you a happily-ever-after! I can't bare the thought of Clay having to live a life without Maggie. Surely a person, with issues such as Clay's, can regulate their conditions enough to live a semi-ordinary life? Does he not deserve love too? Argh, I can't bare it!

"The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I've never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I'm stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me... the good and the really really ugly."

And the letter. O-M-actual-G! I bawled my eyes out at the letter. I wanted to scream and throw my kindle and stamp my feet. I was gutted. This is not how I wanted it to end. However, I just can't give it less than four stars, because I just adore Clay and Maggie and am still holding out hope...

I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.

There is obviously another book. I can only hope that we get our HEA in that, otherwise I am going to have a full blown tantrum and shit will go down! Pleeeeeease A. Meredith Walters, give Maggie her Clay back.



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[Monisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

OH.MY.GOD
What an absolutely stunning book!
SO MUCH EMOTION!


So we have Maggie Young:





A seventeen year old who is in her senior year of high school.
Her life is anything but fun.
She is bored of her perfect little life and when a new student with less than the perfect attitude appears at her perfect school she is drawn to him....

CLAY.



The boy in a very shattered world who can’t break enough things.

And he’s beautiful and he works at a bookstore and he’s a desert storm in a jar.




Dark hair and onyx eyes, with lashes for days.

That’s the very volatile/mercurial/tumultuous Clayton Reed for you.

He’s the boy with a war in his mind and his thoughts and actions are falling like casualties.



"Hot damn. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies, I was in the middle of a Disney moment. Because this guy was gorgeous. And we were standing so close to each other."



Intrigued by him, she claws her way in Clay's world.

And she won't back down. Much to Clay's dismay, he finally lets her in....a little at a time.




"Why are you interested in me?" He asked quietly.
Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn't want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies.
That might be a little much.


He shows her a little bit of living and she finally gets to see what spontaneous is like.
Their friendship grows and soon becomes something more, they fall in love.

[image error]



When I asked him as to why he only drew the butterflies he had kissed me softly on the mouth.
“Because you make me feel free.” ~ Clay




It also becomes destructive and FAST!!!
Because there seems to be a wall between them, something that Clay is still hiding from her.
When she finally learns his family history and of his sickness, she does everything in her power to save him.
But is love really enough?


Clay's mood swings and irrational jealousy start to affect Maggie's personality.
Maggie herself thinks she can help Clay.
Clay thinks all he needs is Maggie's love.



This leads to a highly dysfunctional, all consuming, co-dependent relationship.


"But I knew his love was an intense, hungry thing. I worried for a moment, as I fell asleep, that his love would eat me alive."



Clay was a completely heart-wrenching, lost soul.
I wanted him to be saved so badly.
I totally got Maggie's motivation to do the things she did.
Who wouldn't, for Clay?
The author made me crave his happy side, just as Maggie did.





"I wanted to feel what it was like to kiss you for the first time without being sucked into a medicated fog."
Oh. Wow…. *clutches heart*



His love for Maggie was terrifyingly deep.
He needed her, in the strongest sense of the word.
It was unhealthy, yet beautiful and true, in equal measures.





This book shows you the light, pulls you into the dark and then shows you a glimmer of light again.

MY THOUGHTS:


I really *felt* for this book.


Oh my goodness! I don't do stories without a happy ever after. This book has torn me to shreds! I was so emotionally invested and I feel like I'd had the world ripped out from under me at 2.30am, when I finished the book, last night.

By the end I was left a sobbing mess trying and failing to mend the piece of my broken heart, just like the shattered dreams of Maggie and Clay's...




"You deserve so much more than me. You always have. I hope you do find what you deserve one day. "




I was literally on the edge of my chair with a blanket pulled over my head for the better part of my day today!! I couldn't read fast enough to see what was gonna happen.....

I think I'll be pulling an all nighter to read how the story continues!
Fingers crossed that everything that they have suffered wasn’t for nothing!!!

["That's All" Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sea’s evaporating
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we’re seeing
They’re explosions in the sky
It seems it’s written
But we can’t read between the lines

-:- FIVE FORGET-TO-FEED-THE-KIDS STARS! -:-

Maggie

On paper, I’m sure Maggie would look to be your typical, life-symmetrical, normal girl.

She has very normal hair. A normal face. A normal life with two best friends. She runs cross-country, her parents are still together and very much in love, and she has a 3.5 GPA. (and if anyone so much as thinks to throw their “spoiler” card at me for stating this… Don’t. )

I mean we all have met this girl in high-school, right? She’s the girl you sit behind in Physics class so you can casually “stretch” behind her during the test you kind of forgot to study for. She’s the girl who, let’s face it, probably made her own pom-poms for Friday’s pep-rally. She uses her blinker when she’s parking in her senior spot, and she’s never late for class. Et cetera. Et cetera…

The thing is… Maggie Young isn’t normal. She’s a city of a girl. This girl can swear in a way that would make sailors jealous, but she’s riddled with morals and ethics. She’s a structured silhouette of a person, and she’s a fighter. Basically, this girl would be THE Hufflepuff at Hogwarts.

She stands up to villains.

And sometimes… she stands up for them.

Clay

The boy in a very shattered world who can’t break enough things.

And he’s beautiful and he works at a bookstore and he’s a desert storm in a jar.

Dark hair and onyx eyes, with lashes for days.

That’s the very volatile/mercurial/tumultuous Clayton Reed for you. He’s the boy with a war in his mind and his thoughts and actions are falling like casualties.

Thence, the twain shall meet…

“Hey!” I yelled as I collided with the very solid body. I dropped my phone, the back popping off and the battery skittering across the concrete. The guy dropped the papers he was holding and they scattered at his feet.

“What the hell?” The guy growled, stooping to pick up the items he had dropped in our bodily fender bender.

Hot damn. Cue the violins and happy cartoon bunnies, I was in the middle of a Disney moment. Because this guy was gorgeous. And we were standing so close to each other. If he hadn’t been holding onto a barely contained rage directed at yours truly, it could have almost been construed as romantic.

And so it begins.

[image error]

Obsession
Lust
Destruction
Infatuation
Doubt
Addiction
Passion
Desperation

The very fractured Clayton Reed has splinters in his soul and razors in his veins.

And Maggie loves him.

These two ribbons of characters become entwined. One is addicted the other, while one is infatuated.

And it’s a very windy day.

His fingers clenched mine so tightly it was cutting off the circulation.

[Kim Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

WHAT?! How can it end like that???

Such an emotional rollercoaster ... Even though this story was filled with way more teen angst than I can normally handle, it was all so completely phenomenal. Yes ... There were moments that I wanted to reach into my ereader and shake some sense into these chatacters ... But it did seem so very realistic.

Throughout this story I kept thinking about my 17 year old daughter ... How would she react to this situation ... How connected am I to her & her relationships ... Would she suffer through this without me knowing ... Just the thought of it ...

Dear LORD! I'm an emotional mess!

Well ... No time to spare ... I really need to get into the next book and see how this will all turn out.

[Karolina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is there some unwritten rule about this genre that I don't know?



Like many times before, here we have a nice, caring, ordinary girl who meets a mysterious, irresistible, sexy new guy at school with skeletons in his closet, and it's all wrapped up in a high school/friends/parents drama. Sure, it evolves into something more interesting later on, but why put off a reader at the very beginning with same old, same old?

[image error]

I lost count how many times Clay and Maggie where going back and forth. Him, from loving her madly, to being irrationally jealous and finally pushing her away. Her from having natural doubts about his behaviour, to also being jealous and ending up throwing herself carelessly into a dangerous relationship. I know Maggie is 17, but age is not a factor whether someone should have a common sense or not.

The constant extreme feelings between the two should have stirred some emotion in me, unfortunately I remained quite distant to the whole story. I just didn't feel it until the very end, the hotel room scene



Suddenly it was all there! The drama, the pain, betrayal, hurt, desperation - all there! And just like that I found myself quite emotional...

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A little too late if I think about it now, but it definitely earned an extra star. I just wish that spark happened earlier. It shows that both the story and author have a great potential.

I have mixed feelings about Find You in the Dark. It didn't grab me at the beginning as I would have liked it to, it was interesting enough for me to carry on reading. I was a bit tired and frustrated in the middle and it totally blew my socks off in the end. I'd recommend it for New Adult/Contemporary fans, though I'm definitely having a break from this genre. I need something fresh, new and exciting...

[Stacie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Girl: Oh I am such a good girl. My friends and I have known each other forever. I run track and don't do anything I shouldn't do.

Boy: I'm new. I hate everything.

Girl: Oh he's so hot and dreamy. I must be a sarcastic wench when speaking with him.

Boy: Oh this sarcastic wench is amazing. How did I ever live my terrible life without her?

Girl: Track and friends are dumb. I love this hot boy with the dark secret.

Boy: I am bipolar and have borderline personality disorder. I also like drugs and yelling and being a giant ass.

Girl: Oh he needs me so much. I love him and would do anything for him.

Boy: I will die without you.

Girl: Oh, you're kind of scary now that you've tried to kill yourself. I'll call my parents for help.

Boy: You should forget about me now that I'm in the looney bin.

Girl: I'll never love again.

Author: I must write a sequel.

Reader: BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEH.

[Mo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yep, I am in the minority here. Read all the 5 star reviews. Read all the hype about it and jumped on the bandwagon, as usual. The writing was good. The main characters were good but it just dragged on and on for too long.... yes the last 20% was very compelling and heartbreaking but the rest of the book just did not do it for me. Maybe I am a bit old and jaded to be reading about 17 year old High School students. Will I read the next one? Probably, cos I got sucked into the hype and had already downloaded it before I started this one. I know the subject matter is a tough one. Know families who have been touched by depression and suicide - it is not easy. But overall, just did not do it for me.

[Lo Bookfrantic · Rating 5 out of 5]

5★★★★★Stars

Genre:  Young Adult/Romance
Type:  Book 1 of  A Find you in the Dark Series  
POV:  First Person – Female

 

“And maybe what we had, for those few blissful months, had truly been beautiful. Crazy beautiful. Or maybe just crazy.” 

 

Going in I had no idea honestly what this book will be about, I found myself devouring it and feeling so much pain and so many feels.  This book was raw; it was an emotional roller coaster ride.  The author takes us on a journey as we discover the painful and so so sad ways of someone suffering from a serious mental illness and how that illness can affect everyone around them specially the ones they love.  

 

Maggie was a happy teenager living a normal life with her two best friends and her picture perfect parents.  When she meets Clay she is fascinated with his beauty and his darkness only attracts her more to him.  She is bound to get to know him no matter the consequences.

 

“I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.” 

 

Clay has darkness inside and is trying his best to avoid contact with anyone at his new school.  He does his best to keep quiet and pretend everything is ok until Maggie.  She didn't gave up on him from day one and he slowly found himself opening up to her.  He had never felt so close to anyone before and that made Maggie special to him. 

 

“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like. You’ve given me everything I never thought I could have! It scares to me think of life without you. Of not seeing your smile or hearing your voice.” 

 

Find You in the Dark is a very deep story about a seventeen year old suffering from mental illness. The author takes us on a dark journey where we see all the highs and lows, his manic episodes, his anger and how he desperately desired to feel wanted and be normal like everyone else.  This book is dark, I don't recommend if you don't like topics like this.  Mental illness is very common and even super hard to read; I feel so sad and my heart aches so damn much after reading this.  I don't regret reading though in fact I can't believe it took me so long to finally read this beautiful and painful story.  

#FindYouInTheDark by #AMeredithWalters



For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:

 

[Lucia · Rating 2 out of 5]

My Maggie and Clayton:


Maggie is opinionated and straightforward 17-years-old teenager with normal life. But when secluded and unpredictable new boy comes to school, her life is about to be completely changed...



What started as ordinary teenage romance story, turned into intense and gut-wrenching story of two young people who learnt the hardest way that love and friendship are not always enough to solve real big problems in your life. This story shows us the disastrous consequences of obsessive and dysfunctional teenage love and believe me, it was not easy to read about.



I have to admit that I really liked author's depiction of teenagers and their thinking. Yes, she may have touched some clichés but otherwise, she managed to describe typical teenage behaviour and feelings to a T.

However, I struggled with paying 100% attention when reading this book. It just never grabbed me, it never captivated me. I was never living this story together with characters. I read some other books dealing with the same isuess of mental illness and unfortunatelly Find You in the Dark did not reach its potential in my eyes. It was lacking in many ways in my opinion and I simply cannot give it higher rating.

MORE REVIEWS ON MY BLOG Reading Is My Breathing

[destini · Rating 5 out of 5]

… everything had started so simply.
A look.

A touch.

A kiss.

Find You In The Dark was raw, beautiful, and soul-moving. I was so emotionally invested that every up and down, every emotion each of the characters expressed, I felt.

Maggie Young has had the closest you can get to a perfect life.
Great friends. Wonderful parents. Good grades.
She has normal.
And then Clayton Reed walks into her life.
They fall into a world of passion and love, where they believe everything will be okay as long as they loved each other. That together, they can fight off the darkness.
But sometimes, love isn’t enough.

The most perfect memories are the ones too painful to forget.

From the second I started reading, I was hooked. I completely fell in love with the story and the characters. I loved along with them, cried with them, laughed with them. My heart broke for their struggles and for Clay’s illness.

“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be.

One of the things that really stood out for me was the humor. Despite the how heartbreaking and raw their situation was, Maggie and Clay always found a way to make me laugh.

From the beginning I knew that there was something different about Clay, but it wasn’t so bad that I was really worried. But when Maggie and Clay started falling in love and really getting to know each other, you start to get little clues that tell you that there’s something bigger going on here.
And I really admire Maggie because she truly loved Clay. It was utter devotion and unconditional love that she gave this boy, a boy who had never had that. There were times that I believed that maybe their love couldn’t heal him. That maybe it just wasn’t enough.

“As long as we’re together, I have something to fight for.” He whispered.

Maggie was so strong and had such a kind heart. Like anybody, she made mistakes but you could see the good intentions behind them. This was a very delicate situation and she did her best to handle it with care. She hung on when I would have let go. She stuck by his side through the good and the bad. And there was a lot of bad.

And maybe what we had, for those few blissful months, had truly been beautiful. Crazy beautiful. Or maybe just crazy.

I have a lot of mixed feelings towards Clay. When you put all the problems aside, he was so sweet and totally swoon-worthy. You could feel how much he loved Maggie. And it wasn’t some crazy, out of control love. It was true, real, and deep.
On the other hand, everything felt so hopeless. There were times when even I would believe in the words he was saying. I wanted so much for everything to work out, for them to get their happily ever after. But I could see how everything was spiraling out of control and how everything was crumbling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more hopeless. Ever.
But despite it all, I fell in love with Clay too.

The ending was devastating. It was going downhill fast and I was just sobbing from how hard it was to read. One thing came after another and it’s a wonder how I survived reading this.

... if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him– to follow him.

Clay:

Maggie:

The holes would close up. The ripping seams would come together. But I would never be as I was before. Before him. My crazy beautiful love.

[AJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG! What an absolutely stunning book! SO MUCH EMOTION!

I feel like this is a book in two parts. The first part is boy meets girl, and all is swoony and gorgeous, and I was completely swept up in the romantic bliss. The second part is a much darker, more emotional read that ripped my heart out in places, and left me crying at the unfairness of it all.

Our heroine is Maggie. And OMG, I absolutely LOVE her! 17 years old, she’s honest, open-minded, sarcastic, and oh so witty. Her inner monologue is hilarious. And she constantly speaks her mind, so her dialogue and banter is absolutely sensational! She’s your ‘average’ girl, has two best friends that she has grown up with, loving and supportive parents and no past traumas or issues of any kind. If anything, she’s a little bored of her life and the ‘normal-ness’ of it all.

And then along comes Clay.



From the very beginning when they literally run into each other, there is a something about Clay that captures Maggie’s attention

“There was something about Clayton Reed that seemed to broadcast vulnerability. The hunch to his shoulders, the refusal to look at anyone. It was as if he didn’t want anyone to see him and that made me want to do just that.”

She is instantly smitten and, being the bold, tenacious girl that she is, needs to know more about him. So she starts to pester him, hanging around, asking personal questions, wanting to get to know him and become friends… or preferably more.

“Why are you interested in me?” He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn’t want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies. That might be a little much.”

Clay and Maggie start hanging out, and form a strong friendship – with some serious chemistry! Clay clearly has some issues, with erratic behaviour and massive mood swings, and Maggie digs deep to try to get him to talk to her, but it isn’t until she witnesses his behaviour at its most extreme that he drops the mother of all bombshells on her and reveals that he is suffering from serious mental illness. Although she is shocked by his revelation, Maggie doesn’t care, and after learning his awful backstory, and all about his hateful parents and neglectful childhood, she vows to be the one to stand by him and support him no matter what - thinking that maybe if she loves him enough, it might just fix him. There are a few bumps along the way, but their friendship soon develops into beautiful and oh-so-swoony, teenage first love.

“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like. You’ve given me everything I never thought I could have!”

Their love for each other is very deep, and they pretty much exist in their own little bubble, with Clay clinging to Maggie as the one good thing in his life. And, brushing aside concern from her friends about Clay’s behaviour, and her parents’ concern about her total preoccupation with him, Maggie is determined to protect the boy that has become her whole world.

“They had no idea what Clay went through every day. How hard it was for him to hold it together. They didn’t see how beautiful and perfect we were together. They just didn’t get it.”

Clay still battles his illness, and Maggie continues to try to help him - overlooking his mood swings, being there for him, and forgiving him when he treats her badly. And as the book progresses, an undercurrent of sadness and dread starts to form, for as much as they love each other, you know that the happy time can’t last, and it’s all going to fall apart in a horrible, devastating mess.

“I felt like I was trying to hold on to a block of ice as it slowly melted through my fingers. I couldn’t keep hold of the happiness I felt in those moments when things were good. Because the bad loomed not far away, just waiting to wipe everything else away.”

I love, love, love these characters! Maggie and Clay are both absolutely amazing. Clay is such a broken soul. He is desperate for happiness, to have a normal life with the girl that he loves so passionately, but his illness is a constant factor.

“The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I’ve never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I’m stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me… the good and the really, really ugly.”

With his violent mood swings, he lashes out at Maggie, and my heart broke for him as he tried so hard to apologise and make it up to her, and try to be a better person for her. He does everything he possibly can to grab onto her with both hands and never let her go.

“This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you into hell if I had to … You are all I want for the rest of my life.”

Maggie has a huge heart, and would do anything for her “beautiful boy”. She is so committed to him, doing everything she can to help him and support him. But I also loved that she was smart enough to realise that things weren’t quite right.

“I got that he loved me. But was this a love I could deal with? Was this love going to tear me apart?”

“His vulnerability broke my heart. How could needing me this much be good for him?”

She battled with the need to be there for Clay and the need to protect herself, and I absolutely loved and admired her for the strength that she showed in doing what she thought was best.

And then there are Maggie’s best friends, Rachel and Daniel. Together they formed an amazing trio, and I loved the closeness that they shared. They were 100% there for Maggie, and fiercely protective of her, as you would expect best friends to be. Their side story was an unexpected treat, and I am looking forward to reading more about them.

Maggie and Clay’s story is one emotionally wild ride. The ups and downs in their relationship are gut wrenching, and I was in tears a number of times. Watching Clay slowly fall apart, and seeing Maggie slowly break down as she comes to realise that she is unable to help him, is devastating! And that letter at the end! OMG!!! Total freaking sob-fest!

This is a beautifully written book. The story, all from Maggie’s POV, is a difficult one to tell, but Walters does it with understanding and incredibly compassionate detail. My heart broke for both Clay and Maggie and all that they went through. And whether I agreed with what they were doing or not, I thought their actions were exactly right for the characters. And the ending, although a bit of a cliffhanger, was absolutely perfect for where the story needed to go.

I absolutely loved it, and can’t wait to continue on with the next book.

“I realised that despite the hangups, despite the crazy drama he created, I would love him always. Clay was mine just as surely as I was his. My life and his were inexplicably intertwined and there was no denying the intense connection we shared.”

5 stars.

[Kristalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Final rating: 5/5 stars

And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him – to follow him. Because I thought, perhaps quite immaturely, that my love could help him. Maybe our love could do even more than just help – maybe it could heal him. Fix him. Fix everything.

I need to recover from reading this book. I was gripped from the start and held there, weeping and crying and wanting to strangle someone until it mercifully let me go. This book deals with some serious issues a human being can have, and can handle as well... It can be devastating, but it can be beautiful as well - if you can survive it.

“I was this sad and lonely creature before you came along. And then, just being with you,knowing you love me, has transformed me. My entire life has become this metamorphosis into something beautiful, something happy. I told you before that you've freed me. You've reminded me of what it means to believe and hope.”

It also shows the strength in people, the courage to battle with the unknown, to show that there is always a bright side to everything and that it can always win the dark...But is it really the same when you come face to face with it?

“I wish we could stay here. You know in our own little bubble.” I said mournfully as Clay placed small, shiver inducing kisses on the underside of my jaw.
“We'll just have to move the bubble back to Davidson is all.” Clay said confidently. “But bubbles have a nasty way of popping.” I was being really gloomy, but I couldn't help it. Nothing good ever lasted.
“Then we'll just make a new bubble.”

____________________________________________

CHARACTERS :
____________________________________________

♦ Maggie:

“You are everything. To me you're the world.”

First i need to say one thing: congratulations on such bravery and courage. Many would have fled given the opportunity, or stayed away...but did she give up? NEVER! She wanted to know more about Clay, she wanted to understand the mystery that he emitted...she just wanted to know more. The one thing that i hated about her was the fact that she sometimes pried too much and forced conversations, not to mention her killing curiosity. But, she is one of the rare people who gave everything to help....

♦ Clay:

“I just wanted to be normal. For once, I wanted to feel normal. Is that so wrong?” He whispered.

Clay is...so broken and so beautiful. That is the only way i can describe him. He is really beautiful person on the inside... Except he has one problem which screwed up his life epically - his parents don't care about him, they never supported him, and he was cast out from their lives leading to his ultimate destruction...Until he moved from Florida to Virginia.

Clay grabbed my hands and placed them over his heart. I could feel the erratic beat beneath my palm. “You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like. You've given me everything I never thought I could have! It scares me to think of life without you. Of not seeing your smile or hearing your voice. (...) And all I could see was my life without you in it. And it was a fucking dark and horrible place.”

He is soooooo broken, he is so unstable, but Maggie shows him that world can be such a fun place, such a beautiful thing and that it can all be well... But can he really battle his inner demons and win?

♦ OTHER CHARACTERS:

Rachel and Danniel......SADHASJKDAHSDJASH damn them xD (especially Danny), but not in the bad way - they love Maggie and they support her, but they sometimes just irritated me. But i liked them nonetheless.
Lisa and Ruby were great, i love them, and i loved how thoughtful are... They are two beautiful women and they are just amazing.
Maggie's parents....too overprotective and controlling. But they only want what is best for their daughter and i understood that. But they overreacted many many times...
But Clay's parents are another story...They are the worst kind of parents ever, if they can even be called parents. They are great manipulators and their primary weapon is to hurt people with words, and they are quite good at doing it.


____________________________________________

CONCERING THE END: contains serious spoilers :
____________________________________________

Oh Clay, he is bipolar and has Borderline Personality Disorder as well...which often leads to manic episodes and a lot of cutting... I couldn't bear reading everytime he did that, and i could only applaud for the courage of Maggie, who stayed with him through it all... She seriously loves him, and he loves her..and even if the stuff seems all doom and gloom, i believe they can make it work!
And that letter in the end devastated me T_T Especially after he almost killed himself :( Oh he breaks my heart... :(((((


And how could they end it that way????????
____________________________________________

OVERALL :
____________________________________________


Beautiful, wonderful, captivating, powerful, heartbreaking, devastating, full of awesomeness, full of regrets and "i am sorry", full of laughing, of love and of courage and struggle. I loved every single sentence of it, i loved the story about those two, even though it was sometimes hard to read... But at least i won't have to wait to read the conclusion to this awesome book.

Thanx Debra for recommending it to me, and check out her wonderful review

This review can be found on my blog: infinity-of-time.blogspot.com also known as...


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REVIEW(S) RELATED TO THIS BOOK:

◈ Find You in the Dark (Find You in the Dark, #1)
◈ Cloud Walking (Find You in the Dark, #1.5)
◈ Light in the Shadows (Find You in the Dark, #2)

[Akanksha❤ Søren♰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars!!!

This book was just...

God, I LOVED IT!!!

And this is me now...






And now I'm running off to read the second book!!!

[Linda ❤️ Sassy, Classy && a Little Bit of Nasty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall Star Rating: 4.5 Stars



Like most books, I didn't read the blurb for this book. I love when it ends up being one of the most self-searching, gut-wrenching books. I had no idea what I was walking into when I started this. The title should have clued me in to something, but I didn't even think to process it.



Clayton Reed was the new boy in school. He moved from Florida to Virgina and the high school bully thought he found a new chew toy with Clay and after Maggie literally ran into Clay earlier that morning, she felt an instant pull to him and felt the need to step in and defend him.

Maggie bulldozed into Clay's life and she wasn't going to take no as an answer. She wanted to get to know him at all costs, even if he didn't want her to. And he didn't want her to.



Clay is dealing with a very serious mental illness. This illness affected every aspect of his life. It controlled all of his thoughts and reactions. With Clay's dips and rises of his mental illness, Clay and Maggie's budding relationship followed. But even with the dark days, Maggie still saw Clay for Clay, rather than his illness, and she stuck to his side. All through to the bitter end.



Maggie came from a very loving family. She was the only child and her parents exuded love. Her parents expressed love for each other openly and showed Maggie that love on a normal basis.
Her best friends, Rachel and Daniel, had her back to the ends of the Earth. She had their support and they only had good intentions where Maggie was concerned. Maggie was a strong-willed individual. Kind of difficult not to be, when you knew your support system was pretty solid.

Maggie Young didn't know what dark was. So the same way she bulldozed into Clay's life, Clay's darkness bulldozed into hers. And for someone who was inexperienced with dark, I felt she handled it pretty well. With that being said, it hurt my heart to see the darkness start to chip away at the person that Maggie was. I saw that the darkness deteriorated Maggie's being and kind of change this strong, courageous person. But even as the darkness ate away at her, she still held Clay's hand.


“What is it?" I asked breathlessly.
"I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts."
"I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful.”


With Clay's mental illness came the odium of his parents and peers. With Clay's father being a political figure, they didn't want a sick child to taint his image. Clay's mother did everything she could to push him as far out of the picture as she could - the very reason why Clay ended up going to live with his aunt in Virginia.

Maggie's parents and friends didn't trust Clay. They saw something in him and knew something wasn't right. They didn't know just what, but there was a looming darkness about him to them. They saw the hold that Clay had on Maggie and saw the obsessiveness the two had for each other. Maggie began lying to her parents, and canceling plans with her best friends. Maggie morphed into a different person right before their eyes - and that didn't sit well with them.

Their relationship almost appeared unhealthy and dysfunctional at times. The tug and pull, the give and take. Some more from one than the other on some days. It was almost difficult to decipher where one heartbeat began and the other's ended, with how fused they were with each other, emotionally. Even with how unhealthy their love appeared, I still couldn't deny that their love was beautiful. It was passionate, forgiving and unyielding. Intense, unrestrained and delicate.


“I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relationship where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other."


With Maggie, Clay saw some semblance of a normal life. He wanted that normal life. He wanted a life where he didn't have to depend on medication. He wanted a life where he could hold a normal conversation without getting angry because the person didn't agree with him. He just wanted to be.......normal.


“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like."


This book ends with a MASSIVE cliffhanger so have the next books ready. I'd recommend this to someone looking for a deep read who can handle a little beating to their emotions. The feels in this is so intense and definitely opened my eyes immensely. I didn't understand the illness. I won't say I do now, but I've widened my view on it. I was narrow-minded and I didn't allow myself to see what Clay was going through in the beginnings of this book. I judged him off of things he couldn't control as I was reading, and when I got to the end, my whole view on this disease transformed tenfold. Definitely glad I read this book.

Fair warning, this book holds a lot of:

Jealousy
Ruin
Subjugation (to the illness)
Suffering
Tempers
Distress

Just letting you know, this isn't a light read. So don't go in expecting it to be one.

[* Meli Mel * · Rating 4 out of 5]

♥♥♥ 4 Cray-Cray stars ♥♥♥

●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●

“The most perfect memories are the ones too painful to forget.”

●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●  ●

After finishing reading this book, I still don't know what to think. This book was a wild ride. It was some heavy and quite emotional stuff. It touches the subject of mental illness which is never an easy thing to read about. So, let me tell you how this was for me.





In the very start of the book we meet Maggie Young --the sole narrator of the book--a teenage girl who is laid back, happy, and pretty much speaks her mind. She has her two best friends Rachel and Daniel that love and support her. Then she literally bumps into the "new guy" at her school, Clay Reed. They don't make a very good first impression. But soon, Maggie is determined to become his friend. She finds out Clay has moved in with his aunt after living with his parents in Florida. After, a "problem" they sent him to his aunts.

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“When you're in a room, Maggie, all I see is you. You make everything better. Clearer. You stop the crazy noise in my head. I can think, hell, I can breathe when we're together What you make me feel is the most unbelievable and scary thing I've ever felt.”

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I liked the first part of the book, I really enjoyed it. I was very curious about this hot Clay guy. He seemed so lonely and quiet that I also became intrigued, just like Maggie. I liked seeing them interact, especially with that physical chemistry between them. They were so cute and adorable. But very quickly I realized that there may be something wrong with Clay. His mood swings were giving me whiplash. One moment he was happy and so much fun, the next he would be pissed off and cold. I started to worry about him and wanted to know why he was behaving the way he was.

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"I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts."

"I don't want it to hurt, Clay. Our love should make you feel wonderful."

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Later on, we find out that there is in fact something wrong with Clay. It becomes hard for Maggie to talk to him because he can spin anything she says to something negative. The more she pushes him in hopes for him to get better, the more difficult it is to be at his side because of how hurtful he can be (no, he did not physically harm her). Clay was stuck in dark place in him mind full of negativity, insecurities, and self loathing. It was so hard for me to read all the harm he caused himself for hope of some sort of relief.




I was so saddened by all of it. I didn't get why no one had ever tried to help Clay, like really help him or monitor his behaviour. The middle to the end, was full of craziness. There was a point where I thought I just couldn't take any more crazy. Things started getting out of control with Clay turing quite cray-cray. I got so frustrated with Maggie, and how quickly she made light of his issues at times. It was obviously serious but she would enable him at times, and that drove me nuts. I get that she was a teen and all that jazz, but she slowly lost herself by becoming completely wrapped in Clay's world. That...I did not like one. Bit.

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“And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him--to follow him. Because I thought, perhaps quite immeasurable that my love could help him. Maybe our love could even do more than just help--maybe it could heal him. Fix him. Fix everything.”

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I felt for Clay, really I did...but there was a point where I became kind of scared of him. I feared for his safety and that of Maggie's. The whole situation was just messed up. I loved that vulnerable, sweet, and loving side of Clay. Who wouldn't? Especially with the swoony things he would say. But once the dark side came out, he freaked the crap out me. I just wanted him to get the help he so desperately needed.



The story was well written, but there were parts that it felt like it dragged on a bit. There was some moments of fun, laughter, and a bit of steam. There were some heartbreaking scenes as well. While I enjoyed the first part of the book, I felt like the middle and end frustrated me way too much. All I can say is that the way Clay acted was pretty realistic. This wasn't a rainbows and unicorns kind of story. It was dark and heavy. I wasn't able to completely fall in love with Clay, but I did care for him. I started with liking Maggie, too not liking her too much. She just made so many mistakes. She did end up making the right decision at the very end. It was a sad ending but I thought that it was a perfect for this story. It was just right for both of the main characters. Overall, I thought this was a really good read.